Taken for Granted
by Zadien
Summary: Updated!27July08.'Mystel, you’ll protect me, right' “From evil ghost rapists? Sure. From Kai Hiwatari... I’ll try.”
1. Haunted

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the beyblade characters. Anything you don't recognize belongs to me. The Kaeto family is Coors and Unlucky-Star owns the members of the Kinomiya family that you don't recognize.

A.N. Well here's my latest addition to BB fan fiction. This fic is probably one of my most adventurous plot lines. I'm dealing with some very hardcore stuff here, not in the romance stuff. By hardcore, I mean opinions and religion and politics. Despite the size, Ireland's a fucked up political country and you can't live in Ireland without having it affect your daily life. But at the same time, there's a lot of good things about living in Ireland which is why I'm basing this story here. I won't put the summary here just yet, I think putting it down in font takes something from the story line. Just believe me when I say it's epic.

Don't let that spiel put you off, please. It's filled with my usual witty sarcasm and warm moments.

True love never truly dies, but it's not supposed to haunt you for the rest of your life. Living in the past only harms the present and destroys all hopes for the future… That's something to think about.

Dedicated: For Coors, Arcada, Court, Yoshi and Mike who entertain me each and every night…:snickers: That's sounds so wrong, lol! To Maya who helped me finally decide the name. For Sarah for being herself and inspiring me with her tales of Ireland, Billy Connolly rocks, long may he live! And to each and every person who's supported me through my hard times, my good times and my odd times, I love and respect each and every one of you…

:raises brow: Huh, that looks suspiciously like an Oscar speech. Scary!

Taken for Granted

Prologue

The horse moved at a steady pace over the lush green grass, its heavy feet sinking into the soft earth leaving its imprints. The sun was setting low in the sky, its red rays spearing through the violet hues of the mountains. Clouds gathered in the horizon, stacked above each other as they rolled over the blue sky to blot out first star that peeked out hesitantly. The air was heavy with moisture, the clouds pregnant with it and it clung to each blade of grass, lingering in the cobwebs draped over the wind bushes. A lone buzzard circled the sky once more, hovered, and then soared away home.

I watched it go and longed to do the same, instead, I urged the horse on with a gentle squeeze of my knees feeling the strength and power of the beast beneath me. The musky scent of it drifted into my nose and soothed my nerves for a millisecond before my gut churned once more, as it tended to do when I was nervous. I leaned down and cooed in the horse's ear using the excuse of soothing it to appease myself. Its pointed ear twitched and it shook its head. Gypsy-Rose-Lee was the horse's name. The winner of the Grand National sired her but I always called her Gypsy. She was a temperamental mare who only let certain people near her because she didn't like many people, bar me, naturally.

I had raised Gypsy as a foal and had raised her to the seven-year-old mare that she was. Chestnut and sleek with a white blazing star down her face. Large wary brown eyes took in everything as plumes of hot air fogged out and circulated in the cool air from the velvet nose.

I eased the mare into a trot so my thick black braid woven with flaxen strands slapped against my back as it rose and fell with the movement of the horse. My fingers encased in leather gripped the reins with a light hand careful not to make the bit strain Gypsy's mouth. Gypsy didn't respond to force, you had to keep a light but firm hand with her, which was why she threw so many people. So much so, that no one except for me could ride her anymore and that gave me a slight satisfaction. The stirrups jangled with each lope and my stomach hopped each time her feet hit the ground. I loved this feeling. I felt free and as though, if I went fast enough I could escape all my worries.

I watched the lush green grass give way to rushes and back to grass. The countryside of Ireland was ever changing, no terrain ever stretched for any length of time. Forests, shrubbery, grass, marshland and turned up earth. It's really quite stunning how amazing it all looks especially in autumn when it's a kaleidoscope of colours. In winter, it was just grey, always grey.

Gypsy's black mane, which I knew, for a fact had a waxy texture to it, to protect it from the harsh weather that Ireland suffered from, flapped in the wind. Of course, Donegal seems to suffer more than the rest of the country. I guess it's to do with it being so far north, everything gets colder the further North you go. When my mother had mentioned moving, I thought, yes, at last I get out of Donegal and move somewhere more… civilized, I suppose. Alas, we just moved to the east from the North, a mile from the border of Londonderry, 20 minutes from the city itself which ain't too bad. At least I can go to some decent shops. Like Virgin, HMV, Eason, all the shops in the South are crap. Of course, the difference between the Euro and Sterling is sharp, for example, €200 is only £120. It annoys me to no end.

I eased to a slow pace again over the rough, uneven ground by a ditch. Gypsy paced carefully, one foot with a white sock, in front of the other. She snorted and tossed her head, turning it to the side as she danced slightly before I righted her easily enough. Shifting in the saddle, I let one of my hands rest on the horn as I looked round the scenery from under the brim of my hat which mum insisted I wear every time I go out on Gypsy. And after the accident… well let's just say she has her reasons.

The setting sun cast a lilac haze onto the hill across the valley. The sound of buzzing engines didn't match the squares of colour zipping across the grey line snaking along it, and idly I wondered if anyone had spotted me. It didn't mean anything, but sometimes it's nice to fantasize that someone would see me and be envious for a change. I'd always been envious of someone or other for most of my life. The air held a woody scent to it, something fresh, clean, and somehow earthy. I think that autumn in Ireland, just after summer, is the most gorgeous time of the year.

The soft zephyr, which just hinted at the dipping temperature, caught the loose strands around my face and fluttered them gently. I just enjoyed the tranquillity, even though the main road was just across the valley the sound was just a mild buzz, that you knew was constantly there but you could ignore it. Unless, I thought with a frown, someone with a hole in their exhaust decided to pollute the atmosphere and add to the noise pollution at the same time. Gypsy whinnied softly and her head strained. I let her have her head, releasing my grip on the reins and instead rested them on the horn of the saddle.

After a second or two, I kicked my feet out of the stirrups and swung out of the saddle. I landed on the uneven ground on both feet gracefully. I crossed round to her, stroking her silky neck, feeling the strength and thickness of the muscles under the coat.

"That's enough for today, I think. Baby steps." I whispered softly, always have to take baby steps to get anywhere, but now that I had both feet firmly planted on the ground my quivering nerves eased. I let out a deep breath, took off my hat, walked unsteadily to the brink of the hill, and looked down. I'm not a great one for heights since I suffer from vertigo but… I like looking down on the busy world below. At least on steady ground I know nothing can happen to me. The likelihood of an earthquake is slim to zero.

I plucked a daisy from the grass and twirled its closed head under my nose. I used to love how Buttercups gave your skin a yellow glow when you held them under your chin. They were so cheerful. Now they just made my heart ache. I drew my knees to my chest and held them there, resting my chin on them.

"Why are you so sad?"

I stiffened at the softly asked question. The voice was masculine, smooth and genuinely interested in my answer. I didn't look over my shoulder. There was no point. He wasn't really there. He never was.

"Go away." I told him clearly, so he'd get the message. I didn't want to be termed insane and talking to your own self was a sign of insanity. Talking to dead people just tended to get you worse treatment.

"I can't."

"Yes you can. Turn around and go to heaven, hell or the place in between."

"You're the one stopping me from going on."

I didn't reply because I knew he was right. Or sort of right. I didn't think he was an actual ghost, he just sort of turns up when I need him. He's not a figment of my imagination either, because he's moved things in my room when he's irked with me. It doesn't happen often since he was never one to lose his temper easily. A good thing too, because I piss people off easily. Half the time I'm not even aware of doing it, until it's too late.

"You can go on, I don't mind."

He chuckled and it wasn't bitter, just amused. The grass stirred where he sat down beside me. The air held his subtle scent of soap, nothing else. Out of my peripheral vision I could see him, or almost. The flash of white blond hair, the tanned skin and the long lean frame.

"You would but I'm not going to argue with you. You're nervous. Want to talk about it?"

"To a dead man? Somehow I don't think so."

"You use to tell me everything."

"True but that was before you died. I think death kind of ruins a friendship." I muttered and scowled when I realized he'd spooked Gypsy, again. "You have got to stop scaring the horse. And I have to stop talking to a dead person. This is the real reason she moved me and where were you then?"

"Some things happen for a reason." he said mildly.

"Uh-huh. Try telling me that when they've locked me up in Gransha which they will do if they catch me."

"Now you're being a gob shite. You haven't been caught yet."

I groaned and shook my head. "I wish you'd just leave me alone."

"No you don't." he said with a laugh. "Besides you need someone to keep an eye on you. I can do that even better now I'm dead."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and made a noise of frustration. I was talking to a dead person; I still find this so odd. He turned up about a fortnight after his death and he's been popping up now and again. I believed in ghosts, after all you hear about people being haunted all the time. I just didn't expect that my ghost would be so… human like. Ghosts don't have conversations, they wail and they sometimes make things fall off the shelves, make the temperature dip but they don't just talk normally to you. I swear to god I'm going insane. Not only am I starting a new school where I don't know anyone -apart from my stepsister and that kid up the lane- but I have a ghost who won't leave me alone. Moreover, despite everything, I don't want him to. I missed him, the thought of him just leaving me all alone in the world scared me more than I thought possible. It got so bad at one stage that I just didn't want to go on. And then he came back to me and I couldn't accept it.

"It's not the same is it?" I whispered still not looking at him.

"No it's not. It never will be. You have to accept that and move on. Here's a great chance. A new family, a new town, a new school, new friends Ams."

"I don't want new though. I want everything to be as it was last year."

"Looking back is good Amber, but living in the past isn't." he murmured. "And I wish I could hug you and tell you everything's ok, but I can't. Unfortunately I'm not Patrick and you're not Demi."

I blinked and looked at him. "Who?"

He rolled his blue eyes, a gesture I remembered all too well from him when he was frustrated by my lack of movie trivia. I used the same expression when my sarcastic insults missed him by a mile and had to be explained. "Patrick and Demi. Ghost. You know they're a couple; he gets killed by a friend or something. He comes back from the dead and watches over her with the help of Whoopie Goldberg who explains to Demi that her husbands a ghost."

"It sounds like a wussy romance." I muttered darkly.

He smiled and his eyes darkened as they focused on my face but there was a tenderness to the look that made my heart flip. "You're too jaded Ams."

"Yeah well I have my reasons. My boyfriend dying being one of them."

"If you'd grieve and you might stop being angry."

"First up, I like being angry." It's better than being numb. "And secondly, I grieved you. I cried."

"Mathilda and Mariah cried buckets over me dying. You did the tears act for thirty minutes then you were offering everyone tea." He pointed out exasperated.

"People deal with grief in different ways."

"Yeah people deal with grief. You didn't. You decided you didn't like the feeling, pushed it away and moved on. Amber you're making yourself miserable and it hurts me to see it. And it's worrying your mother to the point that she's scared for you. You're not dealing. You're just getting more and more angry and sniping at everyone. I want you to stop doing it."

"I don't snipe at everyone."

"You snapped at your sister for offering to take Gypsy out instead of you. You bit your mothers head off because she didn't pour you any tea. You've been miss Bitchy McScrew for the past ages and you're making living with you a living hell."

I opened my mouth to retort when I realized that he spoke nothing but the truth. Oh god… I've been horrible. And to mum. Mystel was like a son to her and… "I'm sorry."

"No use apologizing to me."

"What do you want me to do?" I demanded getting to my feet and looking down at him. His platinum blond hair had once been long but due to personal differences, he'd chopped it to a short crop and had spiked it. His blue eyes were serene and took in everything, or they had. His skin was bronzed and stretched over good strong features and toned muscles. He wore a white t-shirt and navy sweatpants. Even casually dressed he looked perfect. He always looked perfect because that was exactly what he was. Death always took the good people and left the crap people to live out there lives on this hell.

"I want you to cry Amber. I want you to stop being so angry."

"I don't want to cry!" I snapped viciously because that was exactly what I felt like doing. The pressure in my chest and the lump in my throat. "Dammit why did you leave me? Do you know how hard this is? Everyone treats me as if I'm fragile. As though if they mention your name I'll burst into tears. I don't cry Mystel because no one will let me." My nose tingled and my eyes burned but I refused to shed any tears. I had to be strong; otherwise, no one would act normal. That's what I wanted, for everything to just go back to normal. Except it wouldn't because he wasn't there anymore. He'd been taken away from me and why? Because I had thrown away my religion? Turned my back on God? Maybe because I took advantage of everything I had. I took him for granted and so he was taken away. And now I took everyone for granted, I wanted them to leave me alone because sometimes I felt like I could trade them in for Mystel and be happy, but I knew deep down that wasn't true. Didn't stop me from wishing it though.

"I'll let you," he murmured.

I shook my head. "I won't cry."

"Ok, but I'll be here until you do."

I sat down again. "You once said everything happens for a reason. So why am I here? What's so great about Ballykuten?"

"Maybe by being here, you might improve someone's life."

"Oh sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph. What are you now? God?"

He laughed long and loud prompting a reluctant smile. He was the only one who could make me smile when I was feeling down or even when I was in the middle of a blazing temper. "God." he laughed again then it died off as he became serious but his eyes were still bemused. "No, I'm not God. I'm just saying that there may be a reason as to why you're here. Just keep an open mind Ams and give this place a chance, for me."

"For you." I conceded. "I miss you so much."

"I miss you too. Being dead sucks especially to be dead and haunting your girlfriend."

"You'd rather haunt someone else."

"Of course not." he seemed genuinely offended by that statement. "It's just that eventually you're going to move on."

I shook my head. "No, I'm not. I love you."

He smiled softly and lifted a hand, trailing it over my cheek. Closing my eyes, I tried to feel the phantom touch, remembering from memory how his warm skin had felt brushing against mine. I shivered delicately and the ache to turn into him was at once sweet and bitter.

"I love you too and for me you're my first and only. But you will meet another and he'll be it for you."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Why can't you be my only?"

"Because you're only just beginning to live your life. You have your whole life ahead of you. This is just a hurdle you have to jump and move on."

"Easy for you to say." I whispered.

"Yes because my life's over. Yours isn't and I want you to live your life. We'll have to continue this conversation later. You have company."

I looked over my shoulder and spotted a black and white ball of fluff coming towards me and then as it came closer, zigzagging its way towards me, I realized it was a dog. A border collie or a sheep dog with long hair. It loped towards me then came to an abrupt stop when it spotted me. His or hers, could easily be female, hackles rose and its lips curled back to reveal sharp canines and teeth. A low guttural growl started in the back of its throat. I smiled softly.

"Hey there boy." Slowly, as to not alarm him/her or it, I reached out my palm towards it ready to snap it back if he/she went for it. I kept it low under its mouth so it didn't look as though I was going to hit him/her. By the thickness of the hair and the look in the eyes, I got the hint it was male more than female.

Doubtfully, he padded forward. Ears were still raised and its tail was still and a fine tremble moved though his body. He sniffed; then retreated a few steps still snarling and quivering. I made no sudden movements because I'd had a dog once lunge at me and it hadn't been nice.

"Easy, that's a good boy." I chuckled as he got down onto the floor and began to creep closer.

His paw rested on his nose and he peered at me through one Siberian blue eye and one muddy brown eye. There was a white patch of hair around the blue eye and the brown was surrounded in black with black freckles around the black nose. He was gorgeous. I waited until he sniffed my hand and delicately licked my hand with a rough stroke all the while keeping his eyes on my face warily in case I moved too fast. Slowly, with care, I stroked my hand to just behind his left ear and began to scratch there.

His hair was coarse and thick, feeling the warmth of his skin underneath the hair soothed me, and it just felt nice to sit there with him looking down onto the valley. Sheep grazed silently in the field behind the hedge below us. A farmer was finishing off cutting his silage, he was just mowing down the last line and in the distance, and not too far away, I could hear the shouts of children, as they played carried by the soft breeze. It whispered through the bracken and wild grass, a motley crew of coloured strands, gold, green and red, all dry from the lack of rain but that wouldn't last long.

"So what's his name?"

I groaned and frowned as the dog got to his feet and began to growl at the thin air. "Ah Jaysus. Mystel you do remember the slight fact that animals don't approve of ghosts, don't you?"

"I only wanted to know the name. But so be it, I'm gone. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

I whirled on him, keeping a straining hand on the dogs' collar. "No way, you're not coming to school with me. I don't want to make an impression on the students there and I certainly don't want to make a bad impression. They'll point and stare at me; do you want them to do that?"

He made a face at the dog that was still snarling at him and had the dog lunging so violently that he nearly wrenched my arm from my socket. Growling, I clutched at the dog and tried to restrain him with both gloved hands gripping the collar for dear life. My heart was racing and I was praying that the dog didn't turn on me.

"If he bites me it's your ass I'm coming to kick, dead or not dead."

"That threat didn't bother me when I was alive and it doesn't bother me now."

I scowled angrily because I didn't like empty threats but they were usually empty when it came to Mystel. However, in the twelve years that I've known him, I've hit him about twelve times; most of those times were when I was going through my violent phase, which lasted 2 years when I was 11.

"I thought you were going." I muttered trying to soothe the dog.

"I don't actually ever go; I just kind of sit here and watch you."

I gaped at him. Wouldn't he get bored? There had to be something better he could be doing. If not then being dead really, really sucked. So much for Heaven. "How fun for you."

"Hey I enjoyed doing it when I was alive."

Reluctantly, I acknowledged that he was telling the truth since there were days that I would just look up and he'd be watching me. Or other times I'd wake up to find him crouched by my bed just gazing at me with those beautiful eyes. Just simple things like that and it made me feel so good, so warm and wanted, loved. Now it left me with such a hollow ache knowing that I'd never feel that emotion again. Despite what Mystel said, I knew that he was it for me. There couldn't be anyone else who would love me and make me feel the way Mystel did. No one would ever come close. I don't deny that I will probably have a number of crushes, a couple of boyfriends and the like through my life but it wouldn't be the same. It was saddening to realize that my chance of happiness had been taken away so early in life. I'd never had the foolish girls' dreams of a white wedding or anything quite like that but I'd just taken it for granted that I would be with Mystel forever. I won't deny that I felt smug over the fact that I had found what most girls would search for, for most of their lives, so early in mine.

Maybe that was why he was taken from me. I shouldn't have been so bitchy, it only came back to haunt me in the end. What is it they say, what goes around comes around? Yeah that made sense. When things are going right in your world, there's an unwritten law that says it has to go wrong. Some higher being sits in his throne and watches the world below and when someone's life's on track, he looks down and thinks 'well that's just boring' and then goes and throws a spanner in the works. Well Mystel dying was my bloody great big bleedin' spanner. Mum says that life would be boring if everything just went your way all the time, you always remember when things go bad and you always look back on how you triumphed over adversity. How the fuck do I triumph over Mystel dying! Simply put, I don't. I don't triumph and I don't feckin' win. Then Mum wonders why I don't believe in god anymore.

Pearls of wisdom are all grand, but they aren't there to cheer people up when someone dies. When someone loses all their money, well it's not as if their world has completely ended. They'll just appreciate the smaller things in life more. Yes, I appreciate the fact that I'm alive and I can look around this world and find beauty in things I'd never have looked twice at, something Mystel had been able to do without having someone close to him die. However, I also notice death more than I use to. I don't like hearing the obituaries on the local radio station, it just reminds me that more people are feeling exactly how I feel since another loved one was taken away. Why do people have to die anyway? I mean if you believe in God, then is it a grand master plan to gather as many souls as possible and make a new better world, like neo-Earth somewhere else where we can escape the hostility this world is so well known for? If life were a TV show, then yes, I've probably guessed the plot. However, life ain't no TV show and we're not the products of some sick producer's fantasy.

"You're quiet, talk to me."

The dog was silent now, only letting out the slightest whimper every now and again. I scratched his neck gently, humming under my breath to soothe him and I let my gaze scan for Gypsy noticing vaguely the chirp of a swallow as it swooped and glided, scooping up flies in its beak. I watched its graceful movements as it soared and dipped never touching the ground and barely flapping its wings. Soon they'd be off to Africa for a warmer winter while we stayed here in the grey cold, but not for another month or so.

"There's nothing to say." I assured him offering him a small smile. "It's just so peaceful here and I'm trying to get used to being here away from my old life. I miss everyone, not just you, you know. Like, I miss Mariah, Mathilda, and just being able to be myself around them. Here, I won't be able to myself for a very long time. I'm afraid I'm going to lose something of myself because I don't have anything to keep me grounded. I'm not balanced; I have two extremes. Very nice or very sarcastic. I need my middle ground and I need to find it fast, and I don't have it unless I'm surrounded by people who make me safe." The words just tumbled out of my mouth automatically. It'd been something I'd been thinking about during the small wee hours of the morning when the house was silent bar the shifting of bed's across the hall.

"I'm sorry."

I blinked. "Sorry, what for?"

He smiled whimsically; then looked over his shoulder. "I'll see you later."

I frowned and then I looked over my shoulder wondering what had caused him to leave so early. A figure was appearing over the hill and walking in my direction. Male, I could spot that instantly. The sun light was behind him so that cast most of him into shadow but I guessed he looked to be around my age or older. Certainly not younger, or not younger by much. My heart began to pound when I noticed the subtle way he tensed on spotting me. He obviously hadn't been expecting any one to be up here. My fingers tightened their grip on the dog's collar as he sighed in that gorgeous way dogs do when they're bored. I looked round and felt uncertain. I was up a hill, in the middle of nowhere and I was all alone. Well not really alone or so Mystel said, but still, far away from civilization, too far to call for help. Uneasily fear crept sly down my spine as though an ice cube was melting down it. I shrugged my shoulders. I was fine. If needs be, I could always throw a pebble at him, I thought as my hand closed over a smooth stone by my feet.

I pretended to keep my eyes on the road across from me, but I was completely aware of the stranger approaching me. My heart was beating hard on my ribs as though begging to leap out. My body was taut like a bowstring and I had to actually force it to relax. Too many nights spent watching thrillers where the femme fatale was caught unawares by the killer all alone were beginning to take their toll. I was no femme fatale and this wasn't Hollywood, or not America's Hollywood. I took a deep breath and let out a quiet breath. If I died tonight, well at least I'd be with Mystel.

"_You're not going to die!_"

I didn't appreciate the comment or the laughter behind it. He was making me feel like an idiot. Which I was. That was what Mystel was best at; he could tell me I was being an idiot without actually being hurtful about it. I on the other hand was pretty blunt when telling someone they were being stupid though sometimes I felt bad about it. Sometimes.

I scratched behind the dog's ears, letting the musky scent soothe me because the prickle on my back was telling me that the stranger was getting closer, too close. Finally, unable to stand it much longer, I turned and decided to face my fate.

The boy stood before me, probably in his late teens with the lanky build still having not filled out completely but had the makings to be very drool worthy as Mariah described it. He didn't say anything, just stared down at me.

"Is this your dog?" I suddenly found myself asking the teen looming over me. He shaded me from the sun, which illuminated his outline, but cast his features into shadow making him seem even more forbidding. All I could really tell was that he had a long, rangy build, fair skin on the toned arms and hands that were tucked into his stone washed blue jean pockets, which were stained with grass and faded at the stress points. Tough leather boots were scarred, scuffed and worn. Broad shoulders, which would become more defined over time and a narrow waist, were covered by a loose blue sweater with a tear in the hem. His eyes were a light colour filled with curiosity.

He nodded in answer and knelt by the dog so I could see his face better. It was as white as snow and just as pure. His features were chiselled and symmetrical, if slightly effeminate. His eyes were bright turquoise, framed by luxurious black lashes. His hair was red, and by red, I mean red, bright blood red and styled into two wings with two silken strands fluttering down to his jaw and framing the elfin face. He was gorgeous, barely any flaws at all… it was surprising to say the least. Not many guys looked that good. He was perfect enough to be on the cover of magazines everywhere. I caught myself staring and shook my head. I didn't have reactions to good-looking boys. They were egotistical and out of reflex, I tended to be cutting and shot barbs at their humongous ego to take them down. However, here I was, Amber Benson, catching flies because of a handsome… no perfect face. Not good.

"_He's not that great looking._"

I groaned and caused the perfect looking boy to stare at me.

"Are you ok?"

I nodded dumbly and wondered if he heard Mystel. I keep expecting someone else to hear him or see him. I don't actually know if I want someone to or not. I mean, if they did that means' I'm not going insane which is a good thing naturally. Nevertheless, if they do, well that means' I'm not special and I kind of like being a bit special after being the shadows for so long.

He shrugged off my reply and returned to his dog, I assumed it was his dog. After all, it wasn't growling or biting him. That had to be a good sign.

"Does he have a name?" I choked out. I really wasn't good at talking to strangers, not when I was on my own. I had lost part of myself when Mystel had died. I didn't want to meet other people, because if I met other people, I might find myself bonding with them and then they'd die. I didn't think I'd be able to cope with another death of someone close.

"No, I call him dog." he replied with a biting tone.

"Gee, how original. How many brain cells died when you thought that up." the words were out before I had a chance to stop them. I bit my tongue and cringed when his head snapped up and he stared at me. After a second of squirming under his gaze, he half smiled.

"So you _can_ construct sentences that don't make you sound like an idiot."

I frowned. "Hey, I only asked a civilized question. You're the one who bit my head off." I snapped agitated. Yeah, what did I say about pretty guys?

He thought about that for a second. "Fine then. How about we start again. I'm Tala. And you are?"

"Human." I quipped then rolled my eyes in mock effort. "But my friends usually call me Amber. Don't want to alert the alien nazi's that there's one human they missed out on." I closed my eyes. Oh god, why the hell did I say that? It was an inside joke with my friends which had also led to me being known as Norman for a full term in fourth year. This was embarrassing. I had no idea how it had slipped out, I guess because I'd felt somewhat comfortable with him for that second or so. Now I was back to feeling very out of place and wanting to sink my head in the sand. More than ever, I just wanted to die and stay with Mystel. No doubt, this had ruined my future school life. Great, as if I couldn't have ruined it tomorrow.

I blinked surprised when Tala chuckled which led me to thinking he might actually be an alien or he had to be slightly weird. Only weird people got my humour… This was disturbing.

"So you're aware of the ET Nazi conspiracy. I tried to alert my friends to it, but alas, it was too late for them. They've all been converted and have been beamed up several times to have their insides replaced."

I stared at him.

"What you're the only one to be able to come up with odd alien stories?"

I blushed. He was right. I wasn't the only one able to come up with odd tales. "Technically, I'm not supposed to believe in aliens. They're not logical."

"So, neither is life. You're new around here, right?"

"Yep. What gave you the heads up?"

"You're big news in town. We rarely get new blood. Shit, half the town's inbred." he said settling down on the rock beside me and staring down into the valley. "You're Molly's grand child. James' daughter?"

I nodded but didn't feel like talking about my Dad. He left my Mum and me when I was 11 and it wasn't something I got over easily. Still wasn't really over it still.

I don't know if he sensed I didn't want to talk about it, or not but he did change the topic. "What school will you be going to?"

"Tory Comprehensive, I think. That's where my sister goes."

"Sister?"

"Step sister or soon to be step-sister. That's part of the reason we moved up. Mum and Hiroshi wanted to try living together for a while."

"Yeah but who is she? I might know her. It's a small town, everyone seems to know each other," he told me with a rueful smile.

"Shahero Kaeto. Not a name you're likely to forget if you've heard it before."

He nodded. "Yeah I know Shahero. She's in some of my classes. She's good craic."

I smiled softly. She is good fun and she's usually the life of the party, which has made moving here a lot easier. Having her as a stepsister isn't a bad thing at all, we clicked pretty fast when we met and that friendships growing stronger. Even if I do tend to snap and lash out at her when things build up inside. It's just hard to get over something like the death of your best friend and boyfriend. He wouldn't be easily replaced but sometimes I find myself forgetting him for a few moments when I'm around her and it scares me. I don't want to forget him.

"So you'll be starting school tomorrow?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I guess so. What's it like there? Shahero's descriptions sounded more like Count Dracula's castle rather than a secondary school."

"It's like a secondary school. Nothing different about it. It has 600 pupils in it, spread out from first year to Fifth and the teachers are all wankers, 'cept for Mrs. Preston-Lee."

Ah, I recognized a name. "Anne Preston-Lee?" when he nodded, I smiled. "She's my aunt on my Dad's side which means things won't be too bad for me."

"She's my form teacher. One of those teachers you can go to when you need to talk to someone, the fact that for a teacher she's hot, well that's a bonus and you probably don't appreciate me talking about her in that way."

"Not really." I muttered curtly. A silence fell between us and feeling uneasy about it, I quickly asked: "So what's your dog's name?"

He turned to the dog and ruffled his fur. "Blitz."

"Blitz?" I echoed wondering if I heard right?

"Yes. I like it, makes a change from Meg and Ben."

"I guess." My Nana has a dog named Ben and I didn't like how common it is either. So much that I changed it to Benji just to irk my uncle Rory.

"That your horse?"

I glanced over in the direction he was looking and my brow furrowed as Gypsy loped up the hill, her long legs sauntering through the dry grass, her head nodding as though she was listening to music no one else could here. Her tail swished away flies and midges and she tossed her head. She was probably the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen. "Yeah, she's mine."

"How long have you had her?"

"Since she was a foal."

He got to his feet and then offered me his hand. I raised a brow and looked up at him. What was he up to now? "Come on, introduce me to her."

My lips quirked slightly as I batted his hand away and scrambled to my feet, dusting down my trousers, and walking over to Gypsy, clicking my tongue to catch her attention. Her ears twitched and her head swivelled to look at us as we approached. Debating it for a second, she sidled over, the stirrups slapping her stomach lightly. I winced; I should have yanked them up on the strap to stop them from doing just that.

I glanced over at Tala and felt a tickle of amusement when I noted that he was wiping his palms on his jeans. "You scared of horses?"

He shook his head. "No, I just find them a little too big for my liking. My parents own the kennels so I'm used to dealing with dogs. My friend's father owns a stable, so I _can _ride them." he defended quickly.

I choked back a chuckle. "Yeah I guess if you're used to a certain type of animal you'd be slightly nervous."

"I'm not nervous."

"Sure." I drawled. "It's ok, I'm afraid of cows."

I heard a snort of laughter and shot him a mild glare. "Cows?"

"Yes, cows. You know, the big dumb looking animals that squirt out milk and moo."

"I know what cows are. I just can't see how any one could be scared of them."

I scowled. "You probably never had a herd of them stampeding towards you!"

I felt his surprise. "Seriously?"

"Yes. But I suppose if I'm being honest, it was slightly my own fault for going into a field with them with Sheba."

"Sheba?" he inquired, slowing his pace since his legs would easily eat up the ground and leave me behind.

"My dog, she's an Alsatian with the sweetest nature. Of course get on her bad side and you're likely to get your throat torn out. She's that big."

He nodded. "I had an Alsatian; we named him Woolly because he thought he was a sheep." I chuckled. "No seriously, he thought he was a sheep. He'd sit out in the fields with them and look over the lambs. It was slightly odd but nice. He was really gentle. He was my first dog, died of old age there at the beginning of the year before last."

I heard the sadness in his tone and recognized it. Maybe a dog dying wasn't really the same as your boyfriend dying but some people care more about animals than humans, I consider myself one of those people. Hell, if animals ruled the world, there wouldn't be any murder, war, or stupid things like that. They only kill for food.

"I got Blitz shortly after. Thought of calling him Woolly the second, but figured it didn't suit him and he couldn't really replace the first one either."

"True. I don't get people who name their animals the same name. It sounds like they can't think up another name. After all, people don't call their second child the same name as the first one. It takes away from their identity and as you can tell, I've given this way too much thought." I ended the ramble with a sheepish explanation.

He simply smiled and told Blitz to heel as we came closer to Gypsy who became distracted by a piece of grass. The ground squelched beneath us as we stepped onto a piece of marshland. "Hey who owns this land?"

Tala shook his head. "No one. To your east is Benson land and to your west is Nick's land for his horses. This stretch here belongs to no one, for the moment. It's kind of a free for all those who want to get away from the town for a while. You should see the amount of couples who come up here for their first time thinking that no one else has had the same idea."

I grinned. "You trying to tell me something Tala? Any particular spot around here special to you?"

He smirked and tapped his nose. "Now that would be telling." he let out a low whistle of appreciation. The type of sound a guy makes when he sees a particularly nice car or motorbike. "That's some animal."

"She's something, huh?" I murmured as I looked at her proudly. I caught her bridle and held her, prompting him to come closer to her.

"What's her name?"

I watched as he ran a hand down her neck all the time keeping an eye on her and at the same time watching Blitz. He needn't have bothered; Blitz was off nosing for rabbits while Gypsy kept her own eye on him, her feet dancing nervously as her big brown eyes tried to keep us all in her view.

"Gypsy."

He raised a brow. "Gypsy? That's not exactly the most flattering of names."

"Well it's actually Gypsy-Rose-Lee. Tinker-of-Tralee and Romany-Rose were her parents." when he gave a blank look, I elaborated. "They're both champion race horses, hence the very odd names that make no sense but to their owners. I took a bit of their names and made hers Gypsy. It suits her."

"Well…" he trailed off with a frown. "Hey would you be up for breeding her?"

Oh… I wasn't so sure about that and I was sure my expression showed it. First time pregnancy was a very dangerous time for a horse and then there was the eleven months that she'd be out, unable to go riding. Not to mention the extra vet bills and the other extra bills I'd have to fork out for. Moreover, it would be putting Gypsy at risk, I wasn't sure if I could do it.

"Why?"

"Well, I mentioned my friends' father being a stable owner. He breeds horses sometimes and there's one stallion that he's looking to breed. He's a pedigree, so don't worry and I'm sure he'd be willing to work out any details with you. Just let me mention Gypsy to him, I'm sure she's exactly what he's looking for. You can always say no, but at least think about it."

Again, I was unsure and as if to echo it, Gypsy nudged my shoulder with her muzzle.

"_Maybe she's trying to give you a push to say yes._"

"Shut up." I murmured.

"What?"

"Oh sorry Tala. I was um… telling Gypsy to shut up." Sorry Gypsy. "Let me think about it first. I just don't think she'd appreciate me making the decision of when she should or shouldn't be bred."

"Well when you domesticate animals, that's usually what happens." at my look, he hastily added. "Look, think about it, ok? For me?"

"For you?"

"Yeah for me." he flashed me a somewhat charming smile.

I groaned and placed a hand to my brow. "Fine, fine. I'll think about it. But no pressure."

"None, what so ever."

I glanced at the now darkening sky as the first stars began to peek down at us. A chilly breeze swept through the dry grass and I shivered slightly. "Hey, I better get heading." I told him as I place my hat on my head again, adjusting the strap under my chin so it wouldn't chafe but at the same time be secure.

"OK, I'll see you around school, hopefully."

"Yeah. I'll probably get lost. You can be my knight in shining armour." He laughed at that as I stuffed my foot into the stirrup and boosting off the ground with my other, I swung up onto the saddle, being careful not to slide right off the other side. Gathering the reins, I smiled down at him feeling that I might have made my first friend here. I got no weird feelings from him, I just felt comfortable but I still was careful not to call him a friend just yet. "Bye Tala."

"Good night."

I gently kicked Gypsy with my heels urging her round to head back the way we came. As we headed off, I heard Tala call Blitz and glancing over my shoulder I watched them head off in the direction they'd come. Smiling slightly, I nudged Gypsy into a trot and then into a canter feeling the wind kick up and hit me in the face before parting to whip past me. I felt a sense of freedom and part of the pressure weighing down on my shoulders eased slightly.

0-0-0

Minutes later, I was leading Gypsy down the back road past the graveyard, which was eerily quiet despite being right on the edge of the town centre. Car engines blasted and hummed behind us under the quiet rustle of the night itself. In the distance, I could here the dirty guttural growl of the engine of a quad bike or motorcycle. It just sounded like the longest raspberry being blown. I'd gotten lost on the way home. If anyone asked, I took a detour, and I'd ended up on the other side of town, which meant walking Gypsy past the traffic until I got down to the back road. Luckily, Gypsy has been raised to be used to cars and other forms of traffic but I didn't feel comfortable riding her through traffic just yet. I hummed under my breath, soothing her and felt my heart soften as she nuzzled my shoulder. She and Sheba were probably the best characters in my life at the moment. They didn't treat me as if I was going to explode at the wrong word and sure, I might do that, but I was allowed to. I had lost my first and only love and I had a good reason to be angry and bitter about it. He hadn't deserved to be killed. At least being here in a new town, I wouldn't be treated to those sympathetic yet fearful looks. Well I wouldn't if Shahero kept her mouth shut about Mystel, I was sure she would and I'd sworn Anne to secrecy.

Idly I cast my gaze over the cobblestone wall and into the graveyard. It looked…well, dead. The grass was cut low; the graves themselves that were marked out had stale fake flowers in dirty globes or vases. Newer fresher graves had fresh flowers and wasn't that typical? When someone dies, you remember them fresh in your mind but after a while, you begin to let them fade until you only think of them at odd times. Well, everyone did that, except me since my dead boy was still floating around somewhere. That gave me some comfort yet it didn't help me grieve him. He wasn't really gone, was he? Did he even know what his grave looked like?

I heard the rise in noise too late and it was all I could do to hold onto Gypsy's reins as tight as possible as she reared up. The quad had come tearing round the corner and had scared her with its sudden appearance and the loud noise that sprayed from his exhaust. Luckily his back end spun out causing him to skid and gave me the valuable time to keep calm Gypsy and for him to notice us instead of ploughing into us as he would have.

My heart was pounding in my head, a thin cold layer of sweat had broken out on my skin but it all happened too fast for me to react. My thoughts and actions were focused on Gypsy, not on the driver or his idiocy. Her eyes were wild, more white that brown and her strength as she reared back threatened to yank my arm out of its socket.

"Come on girl, its s'okay. You're okay. Calm down." I didn't really hear what I murmured, the gist was that I wanted her to calm down and stop rearing up other wise she could hurt herself and I didn't want that to happen. "Please." I whispered.

After a few moments, she began to calm down enough so that I could move closer and hug her close breathing in her scent that soothed my frayed nerves. I whispered close to her ear hoping to calm her down as my hands stroked her flesh.

The sound of an engine creeping closer had me looking over my shoulder and glaring at the rider who was trying to ease past us. I couldn't see anything about him. All I knew was that he was roughly in his late teens, I suspected. He was young anyway. He wore a black sweater, rolled up at the elbows. Old jeans and boots. He wore a helmet over his face so I couldn't see a thing about his facial features. His quad was a red Honda, spattered with mud that was caked around the foot pedal. Fake leather seat and metal grids over the front mud flaps and back, which were flaking and revealing rust beneath. An acrid smell of petrol reached my nose and made Gypsy dance skittishly.

He passed us and then to my infuriation, he lifted his hand, saluted us before tearing up the back road, and swerved out on to the main road. I gaped after him.

"Reckless idiot. I swear Gyps, if I ever find out who he was, I'm gonna kill him and it won't be a pretty sight."

Gypsy nickered quietly in agreement and I winced when she nibbled my shoulder to tell me to get moving. I continued down the uneven road and crossed the next street through the curved cobble archway making a mental note to close the Iron Gate later. We padded up the back lane, which was over grown with weeds and long grass, which were bent down by heavy wheels. To my right, I watched a car drive down the driveway from the house below mine, the Kinomiya's. The drive was separated from the lane by a row of derelict old barns, which had been destroyed in a storm. A cackle from the roosting crows had my gaze travelling to the castle ruins that over shadowed the Kinomiya's home as well as my own. The house was cool, I had to admit. I mean how many others can say that when they look out of their window that they are looking out into a castle. In addition, the castle has this tranquil aura around it. It's as if a bubble surrounds it blocking out most sounds.

A figure raced over to open the gate in front of me and I realized that it was Tyson Kinomiya. He was a year younger than me, at 16 and full of life. I'd say beans but well… let's stick with life. He's loud and opinionated and loves food though you'd never guess it with his lanky body. His navy hair was always tied back and then shoved under his red and white cap. His Japanese face is tanned and friendly looking. He's at ease with himself and that puts me at ease around him. I like him, I'm wary of his older brother. His mahogany brown eyes were tilted slightly from his oriental background and filled with determination. Since we've met, he's gone out of his way to be friendly and oddly enough, I like him. I guess he reminds me of the old me back before Mystel died. Never giving up and believing in people and the human race. I soon learnt my lesson in a less than nice way. I don't want to see Tyson be disillusioned the way I was.

"Hey Amber, want me to put Gypsy in the stable for you?"

"Actually Tyson, could you close the lane gate out to the back road?"

He nodded. "Sure."

I watched as he raced down the lane before I led Gypsy into the yard listening to the clip-clop of her hooves on the white cement. I headed for the stable and turned on the light when I got inside. The stall held the scent of dry straw, sweet hay, dust motes and Gypsy. I walked Gypsy round and then closed the door so she wouldn't walk out on me and it would stop people from just barging in unannounced. With efficiency I began to un-tack her, taking off the saddle and laying it on the top of the door, the blanket beneath followed, and then the bridle and bit which I replaced with the woven halter instead. Gypsy paid no heed to me; instead, she nibbled at the hay in the sack for her. I brushed her down with the broad brush before I put it back in its place by the door and then saying good night to her, I turned off the light and headed out, keeping the half door open and removing the saddle and blanket, I crossed to the tack room.

The tack room smelt of polish and leather. Smells that I'd grown up with all my life. I set the saddle on its shelf, folded up the blanket and hung up the bridle beside the thick red rope. I consciously made an effort to ignore the photo's I'd set up in the cabinet, my trophies and news clippings which spoke of Mystel. It was only because I'd felt bad just hiding them away that I'd put them in the cabinet but I'd thought that I'd left him behind there, seems I really haven't. Aren't ghosts only supposed to haunt one place?

I blew out a breath and headed for the door. The yip was out of my mouth before my hand could stop it as I glimpsed the figure in the door.

"Oh, sorry." Shahero said with a slight wince. "I called your name but you mustn't have heard me."

I shook my head. "I was thinking."

She moved further into the tack room, looking round it and her sapphire gaze settled on the cabinet. "About _him_?"

I nodded feeling my throat constrict. I sniffed and rubbed my thumb over my nose.

"Oh. Want to talk about it?"

I shook my head and swallowed thickly. "No thanks."

"Ok then. Well Treasa's ordered Pizza, ham and pineapple. Better get in quick before Tyson inhales it." she joked awkwardly, tucking a strand of black and silver behind her ear. She was shorter than I was; I'd been a tiny bit gleeful when I'd noticed that. She was as slender as I was but she was confident where I wasn't. We contrasted each other. Where I was dark with my gold skin, she was pale. My eyes were caught between gold and brown, hers were a bright blue. Her hair was short and black and silver, mine was long and black and gold. However, we had the same taste in music, relatively the same taste in clothes, TV shows, and books. Basically anything that really matters in a good friendship. However, I still kept her back from getting too close. A defence mechanism would keep both of us safe from fate's fickle fingers.

"I'll be in in a second."

"Well, k then." she replied and as she turned to go I bit my lip.

"Hey Shahero?"

She turned back and tilted her head. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about snapping at you earlier. I didn't mean to be so bitchy."

She shook her head with a slight smile. "Hey no worries. Every one gets like that sometimes. You just do it more than most people."

I thought about how right that statement was, even though I didn't like it all that much but since I couldn't really say she was wrong, I accepted it with a shrug. I tugged off my gloves and removed my hat leaving them on the workbench. I eased my hip onto the corner and looked at her. "What do you know about a boy named Tala?"

"Tala Valkov?"

I shrugged. I hadn't gotten his surname but I figured there couldn't be that many guys named Tala in Ireland. They're all usually called James, John or Paddy and Seamus. "Probably."

"What does he look like?"

"Red hair, blue eyes." I thought for a second before amending. "Really incredible blue eyes."

"Yeah that's Tala. Did he try hitting on you?"

I shook my head. "Nope, at least I didn't get the feeling he was trying."

"Well then you must have earned his respect. Tala and his friends hit on girls, lead them on, and then ditch them. It's pathetic the way the girls fall all over them. I didn't think you were pathetic. Glad I was proven right."

I blinked at her blunt description of him. "Well at least he's not a wannabe farmer boy, they drive me nuts." at her confused expression. "They're the type who add 'sir' to the end of every sentence and go all happy clappy when they see a Massey Ferguson but would run scared when faced with real farm work."

"I know those types. They all share one brain between them."

I thought about that for a moment. It made sense to me. Back at my old school, they'd sit at a table in the canteen and then they'd all start making sheep sounds or cow sounds at the same time. It was slightly disturbing. More so since my group sat at the table next to them but I'd like it to be known that, we had been sitting at that table for two years before they did.

"One thing I can say without any doubt about Tala is that he's smart."

"And cute." I added.

A slim black brow lifted. "You got a crush on him, or something?"

I shook my head. "Nah. I just can appreciate a good-looking guy. Besides, it's too soon after Mystel."

"You think you'll ever fall in love with anyone again?"

"_Yup._"

_She never asked you Mystel._ I projected the thought and hoped he'd hear it. I'd never actually had said anything to him mentally before, usually he'd never speak to me when I was with another human. I guess today was just one of those days he decided to break all the rules.

"Amber?"

"I don't know, 'Ro. I really don't."

"Well let's get going into the house. I'm starving."

I smiled and scuffed my foot over the caked mud lane. Smooth stones, worn from the pelting of rain, rose out of the ground making the track uneven and stubs of grass were evenly scattered over it. I looked up at the sky, now deep sapphire with fluffs of white looking mystic and eerie. A crow cried out sharply, the usual caw, cawing and there was a distant hum from the traffic but here it was peaceful. I looked to my right, over to the rolling fields of green, punctuated by a lone trailer sitting by the old wall, which was over grown with ivy. It was once part of the castle boundary but not it served to keep the cattle in. Barns and slatted sheds were empty but retained the musty scent of meal and cows from the spring.

It was odd to be living on a farm, Hiroshi isn't' a farmer but a gym owner who teaches self-defence to those who want it. It's a good job and he enjoys it immensely. Mum's a nurse, who deals with the normal day-to-day stuff of taking blood or cleaning up sick. Nice work if you can get it, huh? I've never been the type to be paid to care about sick people; I'd be the sort of nurse who would tell a man with a broken leg to walk it off. I'm not especially sympathetic. Never had much reason to do so. If you wanted sympathy you went to Mariah, she was great at sitting you down and listening then kicking you up the arse if you needed it. When my parents split up, I went to her and she organized a girly night at hers. It's a wonder how effective just being with friends who care about you can be; laughter really can be the best medicine.

We didn't do that after Mystel died. I guess because they thought it would be disrespectful, but Mystel loved to make people laugh. It was a key part to him. I wanted to laugh but everyone looked at me as though I was insensitive when I did. The only person that didn't was Kevin, me and him went to the arcade after the funeral and just hung out there, playing on Tekken or racing monster trucks, going on the electric chair. Just a bunch of little things that really meant a lot. Kevin and I had never been especially close. He was Mariah's annoying cousin who I once stood up for, so we had a mutual respect but not a big bond. He was just there when I needed him. I'd miss not seeing him at school and exchanging a snipe or two.

My stomach clenched and churned with nerves. I ignored the pain, the fine tickle down low and tried to concentrate on other things as I walked along the tarmac drive to the back door. There were shoes out on the front steps, mud caking on them so it wasn't dragged over Mum's clean floor. It was now a habit to take your shoes off before heading into the house, other wise mum would race us. She's not usually very obsessed with keeping things clean but this house isn't actually ours. It was built for my Uncle Rory so he could have a house on the farm but after Granddad died, Rory and his wife Hannah moved in with Nana, which left this house spare. Hiroshi moved here with his daughter, needing a house and so Rory gave it to him. Which is how Hiroshi was introduced with Mum when we'd been up one summer to visit Nana and they had a spark or something, I guess. After seeing each other for more than a year, Hiroshi suggested we move in with him and Mum agreed. Rory lowered the rent considerably because he's a genuinely nice guy, and because he has a soft spot for Mum. I think when she and Dad got together; she kind of stole all of the Benson's hearts, well the ones that had one to begin with. I think the main reason for Mum moving was to get me away from home, so I wouldn't be reminded of Mystel every day. The thing is, I am reminded of him every day, not just because he's still haunting me, but also because small things remind me of him. I was so used to him, and its lonely being without him.

I jolted as something prodded my arm. I blinked surprised as I realized I'd entered the kitchen without even noticing. Man, I hate when that happens. You miss out on so many things when that happens.

"Amber?"

I looked to my mum, Treasa Del Areece. After Dad and she divorced, she went back to her maiden name but said I could keep the Benson surname if I wanted. I did. After all, I have to keep something of the man who made me, right? I dunno, but I discussed it long and hard with Mystel and Mariah and they both agreed I should keep it. Besides, Amber Benson sounds much better than Amber Del Areece, Del Areece is too exotic a name and I'm anything but exotic. Not the way my mum is. I took nearly everything after my mum. The same sleek black hair, only hers is cut in a short crop more for ease than style. Her eyes are slightly darker than mine and more almond shaped, the typical Spanish eyes. Skin is a darker Mediterranean gold and she's slightly taller than I am. She's kept her full figure well which I know she's secretly pleased with. However, she burns up many calories and the like chasing after me all the time. Mum's big into doing everything on time while I'm the biggest procrastinator ever yet I always get things done eventually, namely because Mum nags at me. Mystel use to put post-it notes in bright colours all over my locker so that I wouldn't forget things at school. It usually just irked me, and in turn amused him.

A feeling of overwhelming grief settled on me and the thought of just being around these people, who'd become my family, just didn't sit well. When I get depressed, I get cranky, just as when I get cranky, I get depressed and I'm never much company when I'm down. I can barely string together a sentence never mind ramble neurotically as I'm prone to do. They'd notice it immediately and that would only bring down their moods. I didn't want to do that. Therefore, when Mum offered me a plate with a pizza slice, I told her I'd take it in my room. I managed a small smile for Hiroshi when he placed a hand on my shoulder and gazed at me steadily with those onyx orbs that seemed to see right through to my soul.

When I reached my room, after negotiating the steep stairs, I slumped on the bed and nibbled at the pizza slice. Honestly I wasn't hungry but I knew that I'd probably try to go without food tomorrow morning because when I'm nervous, I can't eat without feeling nauseous. So going more than twelve hours isn't good, I had to choke this slice down if not for my health, then for my sanity because Mum would know by doing that Jedi mom mind trick and just know. She'd then corner me and explain the bad things that not eating can do to you. The problems with having a nurse for a mom.

I chewed slowly and tried to think of something so that the chewing would just be mechanical and not something to focus on. I looked round my room, shit another thing to know I'm not myself yet. It was still clean. I could still see the pine floor and the computer desk in the corner wasn't littered with loose change, pens, lib balm, dictionaries, or any books. My Nora Robert books that I hadn't been in the mood to read were still in alphabetical order which I'd put them in when I was in one of my neurotically clean phases. A £100 money off voucher from HMV was still sitting on my printer waiting for me to find a place to put it. A photo of my friends and me, on our last day of school before the holidays took precedence on the bedside table beside a box of tissues and a lamp. Mystel had his arms wrapped around my waist, his mouth dangerously close to my ear and I was grinning at the camera, laughing at something stupid Mariah had said to Claude who was smiling slightly. Michael Parker was tugging Mattie's pastel pink hair and she was scowling at him while Max Tate and Emily Davenport knelt on the ground, Max forcing camera shy Emily to look at the lens. The photo was taken by Bethan who had been the only one to bring a camera for our last day of Junior Cert. We all looked so young, all fifteen, some sixteen. Two years later and we were still the same, I suppose, just missing the sunshine in our lives.

Feeling glumly numb, I shed my blouse and pulled on a male pj shirt that was too big for me. However, I didn't care, it still retained some of Mystel's scent and that's why I wore. If he couldn't be here physically, well this was the next best thing I suppose. I hug the material close and felt immediately better. I tugged off my jeans slowly and methodically, looping them over the back of the chair before the computer. I slipped on the draw string pants and tied them tight around my pathetic excuse for a waist.

"_Stop it_."

I smirked, hearing his sharp tone echoing around me, berating me for being self-deprecating. I pulled off my socks, and then pulling down the covers, I slipped into the bed. Closing my eyes, I just felt all of the days pressures lift off me, and I focused on just relaxing. Just when I was feeling sufficiently light headed, I opened my eyes and groaned seeing the curtains still open. I was about to get up when I heard the swish and looking at the drawn curtains and the gloomy light, I laughed softly.

"Thanks Mystel, don't know what I'd do without you."

I felt the barest caress of the air on my cheek as though something had sighed softly close to me, then closing my eyes I fell asleep.

0-0-0

Well? Review guys, I need the feedback? I live for your thoughts. I hope this met up with everyone's expectations. Ignore the jump in tenses, I tend to do that in this format but sometimes when she's thinking, it's in the present and other times what she's doing is in the past… just ignore it unless it gets confusing. Love you guys!


	2. Wake me up when September ends

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Beyblade or their characters, I am only manipulating them for my own selfish desires. I only own Amber, Ruin, Anne and any more of the Benson family encountered throughout this story. Kirby Preston-Lee is KindredInsanity's. Shahero Kaeto belongs to Coors. Arista Belyaev to ArcadaAvalon, Sonia Martini to SpitfireSae, Aspin Grant to Animerle. Russia Kennedy is Zimo's as are Zareth and Hans. Finally Miyami Kinomiya belongs solely to unlucky-Star.

A.N.: Well here's chapter two. I'm really glad with how this story is progressing and everyone seems to be really supportive of it. I'm trying to make this story as down to earth as possible and in Ireland, it's hard for it to become a teenage cliché, I think. And not many were put off by the ghost idea, that was my biggest fear but it's a big part of the story. Not just that Amber has to move on from him, but that she can't because he's there. So I hope this chapter lives up to expectations, I feel weird about it, but I think that's just Amber's vibes I'm picking up.

On with the story:

Chapter Two: Wake me up when September ends

The next morning came early for me. Mystel had opened the curtains so that the suns rays burst in and attacked my sleep provoked darkness. My complaints for more sleep went unheard since I had to get up and muck out Gypsy's stall, give her her morning walk, etc. Finally, when I'd been about to head in and catch a few more zees'; Rory had caught me and roped me into counting the sheep for him. The fact that one of the Ewes had gone and gotten its head stuck between the square mesh, meant spending a good ten minutes trying to defy Mother Nature and twist its head 360 degrees. By which time when I got into the house, there was no hot water and my good intentions to be early were screwed. Therefore, I was eternally grateful to my Aunty Anne for offering to take me to school. Which was where I was now, in Anne's car, all fresh and ready for what life had to throw at me.

I feel sick.

"So Amber, are you nervous?"

I shot my cousin Kirby a deadpan look. Kirby and I have always had a special bond even though she's not blood related to me. After my cousin Julia, Anne found out that she could no longer have children and since her and her husband Crane wanted more, they looked into adoption and they took in two more girls. Alyssa and Kirby. As far as I know, Julia's never harboured any resentment to any of the girls; in fact, they seem to get on incredibly well. Nevertheless, to my knowledge, I've been Kirby's role model for as long as she's needed one. I guess using her older sisters as one just wasn't cool enough.

She's 15 years old, two years younger than me and so much like the old me. Sometimes seeing her so filled with boundless energy hurts. I used to be like that, and now I've lost that key part of me and I miss it. I guess it died when Mystel died. However, on saying that, Kirby has more confidence and is surer of herself, making her a little more mature than me. She's not as quick to judge people and just sees people for who they are. Admirable qualities, but she's quick to defend family, friends and strangers alike. She doesn't stand for injustice; neither do the rest of us. I guess that's just the way our parents raised us.

"Well?" she pried, turning on her knees to regard me over the back of the passenger seat. I smirked as her mother slapped her ass and Kirby scooted back to sit properly, pulling her seat belt across her body. Anne refuses to let people in her car unless they wear a seat belt, which I think is reasonable enough. Though not being able to eat in the car because she's scared one of us might choke seems a little odd. I happen to like sucking on a sweet while in a car.

"Amber?"

"Kirby I'm not giving you a stupid answer to a stupid question. I'm going to a school where I barely know anyone. How do you think I feel?"

"I'm curious to know whether or not you, Amber Marie Benson, get nervous."

"Kirby." Anne warned softly.

My youngest cousin, well youngest female cousin, rolled her garnet orbs and gave an exaggerated sigh. "Oh hey, have you seen your Dad yet?"

"KIRBY!" Anne exclaimed then groaned softly. "I'm sorry Amber, it's seems Kirby is having a little problem thinking before she speaks."

"Nothing new then." I quipped flashing a sarcastic smile at the green haired girl. Kirby's hair rocks. Moreover, it's natural. It's an even clash of Black and deep teal green, the colour of the underside of pine trees, with blue glints when the sun hits it right. It's gorgeous and it's short, falls to her shoulders and is layered the whole way through. My hair's just simple, apart from the thick gold stripes I got put in, I just let it grow because I couldn't be bothered getting it cut. I dunno if it would suit me short, so I just get it trimmed when it needs it.

"Ooh harsh!" she responded with a grin; tucking her hair behind her ear decorated with two small union jack studs. Something I can't believe her mother let her do.

My family is Protestant, Presbyterian to be exact and my uncles are involved in the Orange Order, which is something we can't tell many people. You can only wear something with the union jack when it's the Twelfth of July and the whole thing is just ridiculously stupid and hard to explain. Some people wear things like the union jack to provoke a reaction. Me, I'm proud of where I came from but sometimes I get annoyed that I can't be myself because the government have placed such a big deal on the divisions between Protestants and Catholics.

In addition, the whole Northern Ireland deal doesn't help. There's a ceasefire now, but that doesn't really mean much. People still go around bombing each other for the cause but at least they're not involved in some phoney war. I remember when the first ceasefire was called, I was watching the news and the first thing that went through my head was what are the news people going to talk about now? That's how bad it was, that a naïve girl thought that if the ceasefire was called that there would be nothing more to report on because all I'd ever seen on the news was people being shot by someone of a different religion and the politicians making statements to say that they had nothing to do with it. Nevertheless, don't they see that to some extent they do? They have some of the power to try to find some resolve, but there will always be a war and there will always be victims on both sides. Now when there's been a murder on the news, no one barely lifts a brow at it. It's a common occurrence. I suppose it's the same in every country, I can't say, I only live in Ireland.

But the layman's terms of this is that you're only going to get trouble if you wear anything that relates to the union jack, even something like wearing a certain teams shirt can get you angst. It's a real pain in the ass and it all dates back to things that happened in the early 1900's. How fucked is that?

Kirby must have noticed where my gaze had settled as she flicked her hair over her ears again with a self-conscious smile. She caught my gaze and made a silent plea for me not to say anything. I chose to go with her for a while; I'd take her earrings later. Just to be on the safe side. Yes Tory Comprehensive is a majority protestant school but there are Catholic's who attend and some may feel uncomfortable with the earrings. I doubt it; most people back at my school didn't give a damn. After all Mariah is Catholic as is Emily. So it doesn't really bother us most days, but it's ingrained in us from a very early age that to avoid trouble don't wear anything that links you to the Orange Order or anything like that, or don't say anything. So when you see something that links to it, you automatically think about the differences in our society. I always feel like an outsider, I don't know how any Catholics might feel, because I've never talked to Mariah or Emily about it. To me they're my friends, not Catholics, if you know what I mean.

I'm not very religious myself, I've seen the trouble it can cause, and how it can influence people from such a young age, so I gave up on religion and became a wiccan. However, I do like the Orange. I like what it stands for, to a degree. It was set up for Protestant Men to unite and meet others a long time ago, now it's mainly just a men's club but there are also Women's lodges and ones for younger boys in the North. They do parades a couple of times during the summer, where every lodge assembles at a specific place with a marching band, usually a pipe band and they all parade down the street for enjoyment and entertainment. In the North, there can be riots, I was involved in one once, and once the fears went away -and believe me it scared me shitless-, well it was quite a deal, that's for sure. However, that's only because Sectarian groups have tried to hijack the whole thing for themselves and constantly try to provoke something. It's embarrassing to the Orange.

When they're not parading, then they're having social dances, supper dances, barn dances, concerts, and just nice evenings of fun where they can meet up with others. For younger people it's to meet people of the opposite sex because Catholic/Protestant relationships don't go down to well in our society. It's not so bad in the South, but in the North, you can be a target for a paramilitary organization or forced out of your home by racists because in the end, that's all it is, racism.

"_Quit being so deep!_"

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Mystel had materialized on the seat beside me. Kirby didn't see him; Anne didn't suddenly press the breaks. I have to be going senile; it's the only reason why my dead boyfriend is haunting me. Is it because I can't let him go?

"Amber, you've gone quiet. Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm grand." I turned my gaze away from my dead boyfriend and looked out the window. The hedges blurred as we sped down the navigated the country road. Ballykuten wasn't big enough to have a school in it, so we were going to the next town/city, Letterkenny. It has a cathedral so technically it's a city, it's just not Dublin sized or anywhere close. Yet at the same time, it's not that small either. It has everything you need, or so I've seen so far on my trips there. Bracken gave way to tuffs of grass, metal barred gates leading to grassy expanses. Cows trooped back to the fields from their milking sessions, boys on quads veered off the road onto muddy lanes -reminding me of the asshole last night- and we passed by tractors with a hoot of the horn. The usual stuff.

"So what classes are you planning on taking?"

"Um, English, Irish, Maths, French…"

"There should be places left in French, higher or lower Maths?"

"Ordinary maths, I'm not good enough to do Honours. And honours English, ordinary Irish."

"Thought you were doing honours Irish?" Kirby asked. "Are you standing on the seat belt?"

"Technically I'm sitting on the seat." I smirked in at her from the side mirror, lifting my foot of the seat belt thingy that had caused the belt to tighten on Kirby. "And to answer your question, I was doing honours Irish but the way I was going, I was going to fail me leaving cert, so I told my Irish teacher I was going down to ordinary this year and now I'm here and I don't have to hear the speech or how I've failed her expectations."

"But you're good at Irish; you helped me study for my Junior Cert exams."

Yeah I did but junior cert was so much easier than Leaving Cert. "Aye, how's that going? When're y' gettin' y'r results?"

"They'll be getting them next week, is it?" Anne asked, indicating off the country road and onto the main road and punching the gas from 60KM to 80 over taking a lorry and muttering under her breath.

"Aye the 12th. Shit it'll be scary."

"What about the wee man?" I asked since she reminded me about the JC. Daichi would be doing it this year but last year when he'd been about to do his summer exam, he'd said a few things to me I wanted to check up on.

"Daichi?" there was a definite joy to her tone when she said my cousin's name.

Daichi is a red headed terror but he's a wee dote and one of Kirby's best friends, even though he's a year younger. He just gets hyperactive at times and baby-sitting him was a nightmare but at the same time, he's also fun to be around and he's so driven to do well in things but he can also be really laid back when he wants to be. I adore him. When Mystel died, he was really great about it, didn't tip toe around me the way everyone else did. However, my cousin Bryan was the one I turned to the most. He just let me sit in silence and let me talk about Mystel all I wanted, but he only visited for the Wake and the Funeral, after that he had to go back to Dublin with his mother.

"Yeah, did he at least attempt his own exams? He kept threatening to just write his name at the top of the answer sheet for his summer exams and then leave."

"Nah he was grand. I don't know if that was because he was constructing a goal net and pitch out of pen parts or whether he actually had answers for the questions."

I got a slight image of my freckled face cousin hunched over a goal net made out of plastic and grinned. Yeah it sounded like something Daichi would do.

"Oh I love this song." Kirby said, leaning forward to pump up the volume and Greenday's' 'Wake me up when September ends' crooned out of the speakers.

Summer has come and passed  
The Innocent can never last  
Wake me up when September ends  
Like my father's come to pass  
Seven years has come to pass  
Wake me up when September ends

I sang softly to it, feeling it touch something lost and lonely inside. It struck me as a song that reflected my mood. I wanted September to be over because, god knows, I just wanted things to be normal. I didn't want to be the new girl. I didn't want to be the loner or the lost one who didn't know where she belonged. And most of all I just wanted Mystel to be here by my side.

"_I am_."

Not the same.

Here comes the rain again  
Falling from the stars  
Drenched in my pain again  
Becoming who we are

The chorus reminded me of my pain. I was still trying to find myself and the person I could have been was lost because it died with Mystel. I use to make friends easily but what's the point of having friends when they either die or get left behind? You can't rely on someone if they aren't going to be there for you all the time. I bit the inside of my lip. I didn't want this pain; I didn't need this heartache. Christ, I just wanted to be left alone.

As my memory rests  
But never forgets what I lost  
Wake me up when September ends  
Ring out the bells again  
Like we did when spring began  
Wake me up when September ends

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I noted that the music had kicked up a notch becoming Greenday's punkish style, what they were renowned for. For getting right to the heart of things with words only they'd think of and using music to dig a hook in your mind so you can't shake it off. Kirby was belting out the lyrics while Anne circled the roundabout and took a left off up the road into the town centre.

Here comes the rain again  
Falling from the stars  
Drenched in my pain again  
Becoming who we are

My foot tapped to the drumbeat but my mind was wandering and I was no longer in the car with my Aunt and my cousin, instead I was back home with Mystel and Mariah. Thinking about prom and all the fun things we were planning for the summer. It had been a month before Mystel's death, and god it hurt to remember. I just wanted things to be different. I wanted to… I sniffed and drew in a shaky breath. I loved to think about the future once, now I could only dwell on the past.

"_I wish you wouldn't. I told you not to!_"

_Well I don't take advice from dead people! _I snapped back mentally. Why couldn't he just leave me along in my grief, let me wallow in my pain.

"_Because it isn't you!_" he insisted.

As my memory rests  
But never forgets what I lost  
Wake me up when September ends  
Summer has come and passed  
The Innocent can never last  
Wake me up when September ends  
Like my father's come to pass  
Twenty years has gone so fast  
Wake me up when September ends

"Here we are."

I broke of my link with Mystel, wondering just how I could block him out of my thoughts. I didn't feel comfortable about him nit picking through my thoughts and memories and how could I be sure what were mine and what were his? Ah jaysus, I really am turning into a fucking insanity case.

Wake me up when September ends  
Wake me up when September ends  
Wake me up when September ends

I looked out the window and immediately noticed the hoards of children, well small hoard of teens not much younger than myself, all milling into the building in a relatively similar uniform to mine. Navy v-neck sweater, white collared blouse and black trousers/skirt for the girls, jumper, tie, shirt and trousers for the boys. Each jumper had the crest of the school emblazed on the left breast with some foreign words under it. Latin or old-fashioned Gaelic, I didn't know, I didn't care to ask. I noticed one or two in a grey uniform and I pointed them out to Kirby as I got out of the car, slipping on my school bag.

"They're from St. Mary's, the vocational school on the other side of the school. Avoid them, they always want to cause trouble for us," she said as she swung her own bag onto her shoulder and swept her hair out of her face with a confident air.

I didn't really believe that all the trouble caused was just by the St. Mary's students, I was betting a fair few fights were started by Tory's own saints. I ran a hand through my hair and closing the door, turned to gaze up at the school I'd be attending. Well it seemed big enough and unique. It wasn't a rectangular building but made up of at least four hexagonal towers linked together. The walls were panelled with wood painted deep mahogany but it was flaking badly. The gates we'd just driven through were red and there was a small opening for students to walk through. There was a open path with a roof over it, leading from the main building to the office area, -or I figured it was the office, it had a letter box on the wall- which was one large tower, and then a hexagonal shaped building attached. The ramps on the drive were bright yellow, and there were shrubbery to divide the various paths and drive from each other. To my left there was a slope, which led to a small bungalow, bordered by a large grassy knoll, which was probably a pleasure to sit on in the sun, though I doubted the school caretaker would take to well to that. Opposite the entrance to the sheltered passage was another exit, which led to two, run down, prefabs and I noted other student rounding a corner at the top of the path.

At the top of the path, or on the other side of it was a fenced space, which I presumed, was a sports court, of some sorts and above that on higher land was a building fenced in green. The Astroturf pitch I'd heard about in the newspaper. The first in Donegal. How fucktastic! What I knew about Tory wasn't good. The school principal was looking for glory and the way to get was to big up the hockey team. School fund raisers always went to them, the sponsored walk money went to them, 10 to charity and a minimal fee to the rest of the school. The football pitch was waterlogged with no hopes of ever getting it drained. There was a rumour that the amount of water in the football pitch could irrigate any desert so football wasn't a strong point here. Neither were any of the other sports save badminton but that was because the Benson's had always been good at Badminton.

My cousin's all play, as did my Dad and Uncles, even Anne and my Granddad played. Granddad got to the Ulster finals and even went into play for Ireland, now that's a big deal. He was also amazing at cricket. I miss him, though I didn't really know him. He died when I was born, the exact day but I miss the _idea_ of him. I'm surprised I wasn't named after him, actually, but William-James would be a hard name to feminize. I'd once believed if I had been named after Granddad then Dad would have been more reluctant to leave us. Not a very logical thought pattern but I've never been known for my logistics.

"Hey, you coming?"

I looked at Kirby, then to the school and then to Anne. Oh, shit. I'm gonna hurl.

"I'll take Amber in; you head into the assembly and see where you're supposed to be." Anne advised.

"It's a Monday, thanks be to god. Which means I don't have assembly, just the 5th year and first years."

I felt like a first year. God, that scary moment when you're there with what seems like a billion others and then you see the fifth years, these massive looking people who all seem so self-assured and who know what they're doing with their lives. How fucking wrong could you have been. Little do the first years know that they're the ones that have life worked out for them. All they have to do is troop meekly into the assembly hall, go into the class they're told to and then go off on their merry little ways.

"Well what room will you be in?"

"Dunno, doing TY… shit! I do have… fuck!" she hitched her bag up and headed for the office double doors meeting a blond haired boy on the way there and beginning an animated conversation with him.

I watched her go longingly. Just a few months ago, I'd been looking forward to being a senior. Being able to walk around the school as though I own it, and chuckling at the antics of first years who wouldn't abandon their bags for a few seconds in case it would be stolen by a book-crazed fiend.

"_You'll be like that in a few weeks. Just wait._"

I felt like that guy in the Karate kid being told to be patient grasshopper… was that the film? Or am I mixing things up? "Yeah." I murmured.

"Hmm? You ready to go in, yet?" Anne asked locking her car and guiding me to the door that Kirby had just disappeared into.

I sucked in a breath and tried to settle my nerves and my stomach. I caught several people giving me the obvious, 'who's she?' look and I felt like hissing at them. That image must have been hilarious because Mystel was chuckling.

Bite me!

That sent him off big time. Goddamn guy's getting high on dead boy fumes.

"_I heard that._"

"That's why I said it." I murmured in a singsong tone as my eyes roamed over the too tall to be natural boys and the plastic girls. They were all talking loudly, laughing louder and trying to catch the attention of members of the opposite sex. Great, I'm in the midst of the mating rituals for Irish teens.

I took note of the secretary's talking animatedly to each other behind the glass windows while looking out at the students and acknowledging those they remembered from the previous years while casting doting looks on the first years. I blew out a breath; then started as Anne began to move me down a narrow passage to the side of the secretary's office. The passage was brightly lit and helped by the white plastered stonewalls and the pine skirting board and doors but it was still narrow as hell, two people would brush each other as they passed. She led me down an even narrower passage behind the office. There was a door at the end. B. Balkov, Principal. Well that saves on introductions.

Though having the first name might have been handy. You get a good judge of people by their first names. Like my mom, Treasa, is a nurse, kind and wants to help people, like St. Teresa and my Uncle Seth is this fun loving guy with a wicked sense of humour but a hot temper. Rory is the eldest of my dad's siblings and when you think of him, you think quiet, thoughtful, not much to say unless it needs to be said but he can still be great craic. Ciara, pronounced Kear-ra, well my first thoughts when I hear that name is bitch. Cold, superior, and so fucking up herself that the world around her ceases to exist. Anne is gentle and kind but doesn't take any nonsense. While my Dad, James, is arrogant but wants to do well in life, he's a nice guy just isn't' really the instigator of anything, he tends to work with a partner. For the most part, the people I've met who share the same names are similar personality wise, though you do get some of those unique individuals who don't follow the crowd.

Anne knocked briskly on the door; then tapped her foot as she waited for an answer.

"Mrs. Preston-Lee?"

Anne and I both looked round to regard a cute platinum haired boy with the softest looking curls imaginable. He smiled brightly at me and I frowned. Great. He raised a brow and his gaze turned curious before turning back to Anne.

"Yes Enrique?"

"Balkov's not in his lair, he's off lurking somewhere around the assembly hall, praying on unwary wall leaner uppers."

Wall leaner uppers? Did I even hear that properly?

"_Yup._"

Oh good, glad I wasn't the only one confused.

"_No you heard right. I'm not confused though. A wall leaner upper, some one who leans up against walls… comprende?_"

I shot him an image of me kicking his ass then asked if he comprehended that? Nevertheless, a wall leaner upper made some sense now… scarily enough.

"Enrique, shouldn't you be in assembly?"

He scratched his neck sheepishly and looked at his feet, which were now shuffling. "I got sent here by Miss Kaye."

I heard Anne's disgusted sigh and already knew Anne and Kaye didn't get along very well. "What for?"

"My laces weren't tied and I'm not wearing the regulation uniform."

I looked him up and down. "I don't see anything wrong with it?"

He grinned, a flash of white in a tanned face and a dimple winked. "Thank you!"

"Enrique?" Anne asked with boundless patience.

With an exaggerated sigh, Enrique hitched up his pants and revealed his ankles. I noted that he had extremely good legs and the finest hair on them that it was barely noticeable. However, it wasn't his exceptionally good legs; he was showing us but his socks. I guess Teenage Mutant hero Turtles went out of fashion last season.

"_Hey I have socks just like those ones!_"

I peered closer and had to agree. _But yours are black; his are white._ I pointed out.

Anne sighed. "Get going, I doubt she'll remember and I seriously think Mr. Balkov will have better things to do with his time when assembly's over."

"Yeah like cybertizing some unfortunate first year to further his bids for world domination."

"Enrique." Anne pleaded. "Have you taken your medication this morning?"

"Damn, knew I forgot something."

"Well head back to class. I'll get Mrs. Tate to give you something later, like a nice booster injection."

Enrique paled visibly. Guess the guy doesn't like needles. Can't say I care too much for them myself but I'm not afraid of them. They're not live; therefore, they can't really hurt me. The doctors turn us against the harmless little pins. Doctors injecting us with things that we don't even need! Balkov probably has no interest in world domination but the doctors on the other hand and then when they do their tests, they disguise themselves as little green men.

"_Here's another person who never took her medication this morning. What are you going to do without me, Ams?_"

The question was supposed to be light hearted but, as though something had been triggered, my grief and pain tumbled back down onto my ten fold. I sighed miserably.

"Come on, I'll escort you back to assembly. Amber why don't you tag along, it'll give me a chance to point some valuable things out to you."

Like what? How not to lose a boyfriend? How to distract death in five easy steps? 1. Offer him in out of the rain. 2. Take away his scythe. 3. Sit him down by a roaring fire. 4. Fetch him a nice scone with lots of melted butter. Never know, maybe the fat will get to him before he gets to you. 5. As he leaves, distract him with a tale about how sick your neighbour is and send him off with your horrid pink umbrella.

Damn, if only Mystel had thought about that.

"_Sorry, don't have any pink umbrellas in the house_."

I mustered up a smile knowing that was what he was fishing for. I felt the burn of Enrique's gaze on me, so I turned and regarded him.

"Hi, I'm Enrique Giancarlo."

"I know."

"_Stop being antisocial. Tell him your name. And don't say it's Carla Marx 'cause that wasn't funny the first time._"

My lips quirked but I said nothing.

"So do you have a name?"

"I do."

Mystel frowned as he materialized between me and Anne's back. He shot me an accusing look, and then his foot whipped out to my ankle. In reaction, I stumbled back and the yelp was out of my mouth before I could stop it. Enrique and Anne both stared at me, before my aunt turned to look at the blond beside me.

"Hey I didn't do nuthin'."

Anne frowned. "That's grammatically incorrect," she muttered. "But I'll let it slide. Amber, are you ok?"

"Uh… yes… Um…" I swallowed. Think quick. _Mystel you're a dead man walking!_ "Sorry, I saw a bee. I hate them, they make me edgy."

"Did it sting you?" she inquired concerned.

"Luckily no." I tried to pass the words off as chipper as I could, but they stuck in my throat. "So where are we going?"

"Up here, it's the back entrance into the assembly that the students use when they're late to avoid getting caught."

I nodded, looking into the small square-boxed room beside me.

"That's the tuck shop. The students, usually prefects work there during break and lunch and sell sweets, crisps and jelly things." Enrique explained when he caught where I was looking.

I nodded, smiling at him. Now that he wasn't trying to be flirty or anything like that, he was kind of bearable and likeable. We walked on past the tuck shop and reached an opening into a larger room. Across the hall was another corridor that was dark and forbidding. Along the wall was a long red radiator that looked inviting now that the rain was pouring outside. There was a fire exit at the end of the heater. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed some movement, so peeking round, I noted that there were roughly 70 or so students of my age standing in there murmuring under their breath.

Enrique gave me one last smile, nodded to Anne then walked a wide arc around the closest group of students and disappeared out of view.

Anne beckoned me over to her side. "You'd see better if you stand here."

I nodded and then sidled to her other side to glance out at the sea of students all in navy. I could make out six solid groups. There were the two closest to us. They stood slightly off to the side of a large opening into the wall, which I realized was the stage as there was a microphone sitting on it. The first group were standing in front of a pillar, the second behind it. Then in front of the stage, there were two more groups standing in a similar fashion and the other two were to the left of the stage.

I noticed Shahero was standing beside a silver haired girl, both talking and looking round the crowded hall. Finally, after a few moments, her gaze fell on me and I gave her a slight wave. She grinned and nudged her friend who looked in my direction, then gave me an uncertain smile. I smiled back equally as uncertain but I figured she was one of Shahero's' friends so that couldn't' be too bad. The next person I noticed was Enrique, as he was standing not so far from Shahero and her friend. He didn't seem to be paying them too much attention; instead, he was talking to another boy. I let my gaze roam over them all, my new people to avoid in life. Yay!

My gaze rested on Tala, who hadn't noticed me but was instead talking under his breath to another red head whose hair was styled in a flame shape. A flame shape? Now where did I hear that description? I frowned puzzled. Must have been a friend of Shahero's. I'd find out later if I wanted to. I watched as Tala chuckled then nudged the boy beside him, motioning to a dark solemn eyed woman standing near them. For some reason girl didn't come to mind when I saw her. She had a stoic expression that was levelled on the stage area. She stood beside two equally serious boys, one with a plume of purple hair and another with a mane of charcoal black. Both looked fiercely intense about something and didn't look like the type to smile easily, so I guess they and the gothic styled woman would get along well.

As I turned my attention back to my feet, I caught sight of a familiar figure. I blinked and focused my gaze again; sure, I was seeing things. Nope… didn't seem to be. Slate blue-ish hair, check. Dark eyes; check. Superior expression, check. Tall, broad shoulders leading to narrow hips and long legs? Check, check, and double check. Yes, it seemed to be him all right. But what was he doing here? From what I knew of him, all from Tyson, Hitoshi had done his leaving certificate exams last summer before I came. So why was he standing there in the uniform looking casually nonchalant?

I nudged Anne, needing an answer for my confusion. "Hey what's he doing here?"

She followed my gaze and kept her voice low as she answered, leaning into me so I could smell the Charlie red perfume she preferred. "Oh Hitoshi's repeating this year. He wants to do architecture in Queens but he missed the entrance points by one and because of the numbers wanting to get in, they refused him, so he's back again. He's hoping to do better second time round."

"Oh." I said softly. That must take guts. To come back to a school and enter a class you'd always been ahead of. His experience would be different to mine. He knew these people vaguely. He'd always been a year ahead of them but he'd have seen them around, known their siblings, so they weren't' strangers to him even if he wasn't necessarily friendly with them. What I knew about Hitoshi could fill a teaspoon. He had a car, a sweet ride from what I'd seen of it, though technically to a girl who'd been driving tractors for the past several weeks, a ford fiesta would look sweet to me. He was always driving it, washing it, polishing it or tinkering with it, when he was home. Most of the time he was off meeting his girlfriend but she was away at college or so Shahero had divulged to me when I'd bothered to ask her. Her opinion of the guy isn't very high, so I'm not too sure of him yet, but Tyson's his brother, how much different can he be?

I bit my lip and a sharp pain let me know I'd bitten too hard and now I could taste a coppery substance on my tongue. This was going to be so weird, I thought as I folded my arms and rested against the wall, preparing to tune out the welcome back speech the principle would no doubt deal out to his students.

* * *

A good half hour later, I was standing outside the Principle's office looking at the door I'd just exited. All I could say about Balkov was that I didn't like him. His office was ice cold, no heat at all and I couldn't stop my knees from shaking. I bet that amused him, poor me with my teeth chattering the whole way through the meeting. He was a wiry built man with purple hair, swept back from a narrow and craggy face, with pale piercing purple eyes that skewered me as soon as I sat down, pinning me to the seat while he shot me with rules and regulations I couldn't break. No smoking, no groping in the halls, while wearing the school uniform I am representing the school, therefore anything bad that I do outside the school while wearing the uniform reflects badly on everyone within the school. The usual stuff.

"_So if you want to fight after school, you have to strip. I'm not seeing a problem with that._"

I shot Mystel a baleful glare as he leaned against the wall opposite me, looking casually delicious for a dead guy. He wore a white shirt, though since when did dead people have wardrobes? The white shit was casually unbuttoned at the neck and rolled up at the sleeves to reveal the sun kissed tan he'd received during his holidays abroad with his family which he never seemed to lose. I'd a funny notion that he used fake tan. In addition, how does a dead person have a tan anyway? Aren't they supposed to be stereotypically pale?

"You're ruining the dead people's franchise." I muttered under my breath, casting a glance up and down the hall for any of the living. I hitched my bag onto my shoulder, and pulled out a folded piece of paper from my pocket as I began to walk down the passage, out into the area outside the secretary's office. I walked across it and out of the pine framed glass double doors that led to the sheltered passage. Mystel walked beside me, a comforting presence washing over me like a balmy breeze.

"_So what are you're classes like_?"

"Good."

"_Great, I can see all those subjects getting you into a great college," _he drawled sarcastically.

"You already know what I'm doing." I pointed out. He'd been very vocal on pointing out how pointy Balkov's nose was and on how pointy noses reminded him of witches and how witches weren't trustworthy. Well that had been his reasoning on staying, standing behind Balkov and trying to look menacing. I'd nearly laughed but managed to turn it into a dry heaving cough. Wouldn't do for the new head master to think I was insane, yet.

"_I'm giving you the illusion that you have some privacy._"

I rolled my eyes. "You shouldn't even be here. What if someone sees me talking to myself? Because that's what it looks like!" I grumbled harassed gazing out at the silver droplets falling from the sigh and reflecting the light.

"_It's a big day today and you need me here._"

"That's sad," I murmured. "I need a dead boy to get through my first day at secondary school."_ Sucks to be me._

"_Amber._" he coaxed gently. "_I care about you and I want to be here for you._"

"I know. And I appreciate that, I do. I'm just somewhat edgy. Don't pay me any heed."

I walked in through the open doors via the 'in' entrance and looked round. A spiral staircase before me went up and another piece led down to the floor below. There was a corridor leading to my right and another to my left. And, behind the staircase, there was another two doors, which all had silver numbers above. Handy, now I just have to work out which numbers I'd need and where they'd be located. Yeah very handy. Why was no one sent to show me around? We had prefects to do this job back at my old school!

I folded my arms and then realized I was sulking. Standing around was not going to do me any good. _Dammit, Mystel, why don't you do a Casper and help me out?_

"Are you lost?"

"No shit Sherlock!" I muttered grumpily as I scanned the sheet for the room I was supposed to be in.

"No need t' be a bitch 'bout it."

That was when I clued in that it wasn't Mystel speaking but someone else. Fuck! I swept my gaze up, feeling my cheeks heat in humiliation. Here's the down side to having a friendly ghost, you snap the heads off very cute boys. I lowered my gaze to the ground; then braced myself to look up again at the flame haired boy I recognized as Tala's friend.

"I'm sorry."

He grunted and his amethyst eyes flashed with irritation. "What room are y' looking f'r?"

There was a faint Scottish accent underneath the words and I wondered why I'd never picked it up before. I might not have mistaken him for Mystel. "Room 56?"

He frowned puzzled as though that was a foreign room to him, then he shrugged his rugby-sized shoulders and motioned with his head for me to follow him. I had no choice but to tag along with the red head Scot. He had a fierce look, a rebel look to his features and there was strength in the bones. The way he held himself showed him to be a restless fighter ready for the next brawl to come rumbling his way. His shoulders were laid back and his hands were shoved in his pockets, his gait was easy and confident. He walked down the halls as if he owned them. You got that feeling when you'd been in the same place a long time or you had an extreme ego. I doubted his was the latter. He'd stopped to help me and was continuing to help even when I'd bit his head off for no good reason. I felt like apologizing again, but I already had, and if he didn't accept a sincere apology, screw him.

We headed down the corridor to my left and then I heard a growl. Casting a glance at the red head, I peeked around him and found myself gazing at a flock of first years pooling in the small hall, looking like lost sheep without a direction to go. They gazed at us with bright trusting eyes, eyes that would soon turn cold or haughty within a week. Now they stuck together like glue because they were all in the same boat.

"Move it midgets!" my companion barked irritably.

The first years looked from him to each other; then one of them got the guts to speak up. "We were told to stand right here."

"I don't care. Scram!" he snapped and I really felt bad for the kids. He groaned and rubbed his forehead. "Who's your prefect?"

They shrugged their shoulders in unison, reminding me of the LGM's from Buzz Light-Year who shared the uni-mind. The brave one, or gobby one, call it like you see it, opened her mouth again. "Sonia, dunno her last name."

Seemed Johnny didn't need it. "Where is she?"

A garnet haired girl walked round the corner with a small chestnut haired boy with glasses by her side. Her brow furrowed over sapphire eyes as she quickly assessed the situation brewing between the hot-headed senior and the young flock of misguided first years. "Hey Johnny, sorry about this. I had to take this wee fella to the toilet."

"Sonia, I don't care. God I hate first day and first years." he sneered at the children who glared back or backed away.

Sonia moved through them to stand as a shield between them and Johnny. "Whatever Jonathon. I've got first years to deliver and you have classes to go to, so stop threatening them and act like the senior you are!" she said firmly in a no nonsense tone, the head girl badge refracting the fluorescent light.

So this was our head girl. The person the girls could go to and discuss anything that was bothering them and she'd take it to the teachers. To be head girl she had to be well rounded, smart and well liked by both the students and the faculty a like. Sonia seemed to have that going for her. Her garnet hair fell down to her shoulders, half of it tied back so the shorter gold bangs fell down, framing the friendly blue eyes and the apple cheeks splashed with a few freckles, almost lost in the tanned skin and the wide mouth. She looked athletic; she had that sporty aura to her. The kind that spoke of teamwork, ambition, and intelligence.

"Fine." he grunted. "You coming?" he called over his shoulder to me.

I looked to Sonia and shrugged, she seemed nice if not a little frustrated with her handful. She smiled but her eyes were curious. She was probably trying to place me and was coming up blank. I followed Johnny as he stalked to the end of the corridor and yanked open and door, stepping into the room. Not quite trusting him, I glanced up at the number over the door.

"_Fifty six, he didn't lead you wrong. You gotta trust people Ams._" Mystel reminded me as I stepped into the room after Johnny.

I was confronted by about four rows of people I didn't know. Oh, great. I saw Johnny moving to sit in the third row and felt oddly out of place amongst these people who were chattering away to each other about the summer and the like. A few cast me curious looks, other's looked me up and down, figured I wasn't very important and then turned back to their friends or boyfriends. I saw Tala in the back row, lounged back in his chair, laughing at something a purple haired girl was explaining with exaggerated expressions while her silver haired friend shook her head in embarrassment. Hitoshi caught my eye, he was at the other end of the last row, and he smirked obviously knowing how awkward I felt being in the spot light.

I felt a presence behind me, and looking over my shoulder, I breathed in relief as Anne's blue eyes met mine, her manicured hand squeezed my shoulder and then ushered me to the front of the room… Oh Anne, don't do this to me.

"Morning class. I see most of you managed to find your way back here without too much trouble. Hitoshi, nice to see you again."

"What can I say miss? I just couldn't face life not seeing your pretty face every morning."

"As sweet as that is, I'll just have to live with seeing yours." My aunt quipped dryly. "Now down to business. Miyami, is that gum in your mouth?"

"Ah…" the silver haired girl -I wonder if she was any relation to the one I'd seen with Shahero earlier, how many silver haired people can their be in one place?- removed the gum from her mouth and folded it back into it's wrapper. "No. It's not."

"Bin it. Now class, settle down. We have a new student with us, and it's not Hitoshi," she said with a smile in the older teens' direction.

"Could it possibly be, and now this is just me thinking out loud, so don't judge me on it…" Tala started with a seriously thoughtful expression on his heartbreaking face. "But could it be, the young lady standing beside you? Or am I just seeing things?"

Anne thought for a second. "I'd like to say you're just seeing things, but alas, no you're right. Class I'd like you to welcome Amber Benson and- yes Johnny?"

"Is she, by any chance, related to the rest of you Bensons'?"

"Good guess, now as I was saying-"

"How many of you are there? You must breed like rabbits."

I blinked. Oh, he did not just say that. I waited for Anne to tell him to mind his own, but she only sighed and shook her head exasperated. Before she could start again, another person spoke up.

"Or Fenians."

My mouth fell open. Oh, this is not going well at all. A few people sniggered while the rest just fell silent looking to Anne for her reaction. I guess most of them knew how far they could push my aunt and this was pushing things too far. I looked at the boy and figured he was one of those types to take things to far. Tall and lanky with a shaved head but there was a tuft of red remaining. He had a brow bar and he'd rolled up his sleeves to reveal a Ranger's armband.

"Gordo Banks, I've warned you about your racist comments in my class room. Now if you cannot keep your thoughts to yourself without polluting the healthy environment this class has, then I'll have to ask you to escort yourself to the principle's office."

Gordo snorted then shoved his chair back with barely concealed violence; then he grabbed his bag and stalked to the door. "Don't worry; I never wanted to be here in the first place."

He yanked the door open then stormed out, leaving it open. Everyone waited with baited breath; then Anne chased after him calling his name. And I was left alone in the room with a bunch of strangers. I felt like I was back in national school after wetting myself. Everyone looked to me now and it was unnerving because people at the front of the class usually take charge of the class.

I took a breath; let it out slowly. "Hi. I'm the new girl."

After a second and my cheeks began to burn unmercifully, Tala laughed. "Hey new girl."

"Benson sit your arse down." Hitoshi barked, leaning back in his own chair and folding his arms behind his head.

He made a good point. I wouldn't be centre of attention if I weren't in the front of the room. Well I guess, since Gordo isn't using his chair, I could take it. I walked round the side and slipped into the seat in front of Hitoshi. Everyone was still looking at me, but after awhile the murmurs began to rise as they discussed Gordo's behaviour. I caught a few words here and there but paid no real attention, instead I looked over the classes I would be taking. French, Biology and History were my own electives but I had to do Home Economics because there was no room in any other class. It surprised me there was room in HE since it was a dossy class. History would be a slight problem. I had studied it at my old school, but I'd been doing the Ancient History course instead of the modern History course. This meant I was a year behind everyone else so I'd have to take extra classes to learn everything they'd learnt last year and I'd need someone to tutor me. Wonderful.

"Hey Benny!"

That was Tala's voice and because it was, I looked over my shoulder. I was surprised when I realized it he was calling for me. Benny? "Hi Tala."

"Hey Benz, how's it going?" he turned to his friends. "See told you she knows me."

"Yeah I know him, but obviously he forgot my name because it's not Benz."

"Oh yeah. Sorry, forgot your first name. Amber isn't it? Benz sounds cooler, like a merc."

If he calls me Mercedes, I ditch his ass. Instead, I said nothing, not feeling up to actually conversing as I had the night before. However, the night before I had been different because we'd been on our own. His friends hadn't been hanging off our every word as though any minute now I was going to do something stupid. I looked round the room, taking notice of it for the first time. There were six walls to keep with the hexagonal shape. Most of these walls were white washed stone while the last was a red MDF wood. It was right behind Tala's head, so I wasn't looking too much at it. It wasn't that I was trying to be rude, though I knew that was exactly what I was being. He was making an effort to talk to me, and I was ignoring him.

"Boy she's friendly, isn't she?" a female voice commented to my left and I knew that it was me they were talking about.

"Yeah she snapped my head off earlier for asking if she was lost."

"Give her a break." Tala spoke up. "It's not easy being new."

"Being nice to her Tala isn't going to get you laid. Looks to me like she's got more sense." this voice came from directly behind me.

I looked over my shoulder and realized that the sultry smoky voice belonged to the stoic woman with eyes so dark a brown they looked black and the palest skin with a delicate layer of porcelain foundation. She'd slicked her lips with something that shimmered purple in the light. There was red on the lids of her eyes and a thick line of eyeliner made her eyes smoulder. Her black hair shimmered purple too and feathered around her face with slanted bangs almost hiding her left eye. Thick black wristbands adorned her pale wrists. She was void of the navy sweater, instead she wore the white shirt rolled up at the sleeves and un-tucked with the short black skirt and black sheer hose. A gossamer black scarf was knotted around her throat giving her a distinct style the uniform hadn't stolen from her.

"How would you know what gets a guy laid?" Tala drawled. "Last I heard you were batting for the other team; so to speak."

Tala's friends chuckled but the woman merely sent him a pitiful smile. "What's it like to be you, Tala? Living in this day dream world where people actually like you? Your barbs are meaningless because you are meaningless to me!"

Tala's eyes flashed and a muscle jumped in his cheek but she merely chuckled and turned to her friends. I was just an innocent bystander in that, yet I felt like I'd just interrupted a very private moment. Instead of saying anything, Tala turned back to his friends and laughed as one of the girls said something. The rest of the class didn't seem to care about that outburst. I figured it was pretty common which was pretty sad for a Transition year. My group were so close, like a family. We'd bonded so well and the group of us had maintained that friendship throughout, but this Transition year was a mess. It was as though there were two separate groups vying to take each other out and the others were just stuck in the middle. I'd have hated to see how their group projects would have turned out during the Transition year itself. They're mini company's couldn't have done so well if they couldn't' work as a team. That was a key aspect of Transition year. You needed to work as a team, to cast aside your differences and grow together. My group had understood that aspect, these people obviously hadn't. Too many ego's in one boat, I guess.

So what the hell were we supposed to do now? Sit here and wait for the bell to go?

The door swung open and a male teen with wind swept two toned blue hair strode in, his stormy gaze sweeping over the room before stalking around the tables to slide into the second row. I tried to not notice his butt when he brushed past my desk, I am not a pervert. He dumped his bag on the table and thumped agitatedly into the seat beside a black haired boy two seats to my left in front of me, his expression remaining stony as his friends asked where he'd been. I turned back to staring off into the distance; I didn't belong here. It would have been easier if Anne was here, but I was isolating myself from these people. I wanted to know where Shahero was. Probably with her friends, making them laugh and just having fun. She wasn't lonely.

"What happened to you?"

I looked up and took some interest when Tala started talking to the new arrival. He turned in his seat, leaning his arm on the back of it so he could see Tala better. "Some wanker thought it would be funny to hide my fucking bag!"

"It was'ne me." Johnny defended. "I threw your bag down into the basement like you told me to."

"Well did it grow legs and climb onto the roof of the passage outside?" the bluenette asked sardonically.

"Maybe someone put it up there, but it was'ne me."

"Whatever." he said with a disgusted sigh. "Still got a fucking lecture from Balkov on how not to lose my bag on the first day back and had to pay a fine."

Tala chuckled lazily. "Did y' pay?"

"Did I fuck. So where's Anne?"

"She's taking Banks to the office. Stupid ass wasn't even in the class five minutes before he was making his nazi comments about Catholics." The black haired boy with Chinese features replied with good humour.

"Stupid little fuck. What did he say?"

I jerked as my phone vibrated in my pocket. Pulling it out, I noticed I had a message. A small smile played on my lips. Someone loves me. Expertly tapping the keys, I discovered the sender was Mariah. Sometimes I swear that girl has a mind link to me, she just always seems to know when I'm feeling at my lowest.

'So how's school life on the east side? Are they giving you a hard time? Do you need me to get on a bus and kick their asses?'

I grinned; then looked up as the bell went. Great, well my first class was very successful. Seriously, could it have been anymore pointless? I was supposed to meet my classmates and find out whom I was supposed to dislike for the rest of the year. I'm no wiser than I was at the beginning. I didn't even know who was in my classes, where my classes were and I didn't even know who my teachers were and wasn't I supposed to get a homework diary and copies in my form class? I always did back home. I sighed and slipped out of my chair; tucking it back under the table and followed the class back out into the halls.

I could have followed them to my next class. I could have asked someone where English was… I could have, I should have but I didn't. Instead, I walked off in the exact opposite direction and went in search of somewhere where I could be alone.

Finally, I found on the second floor what I sought. The girl's bathroom. It was airy, dank, and cold with windows high up so that no one could escape. The walls were damp and an off white. There were three cubicles, one with a door off its hinges and propped up against the toilet while another didn't even have a toilet and the door hid the other. I was guessing these toilets were barely used. First day back and there's a door missing as well as a toilet. Yeah this school really takes good care of its students! One lone sink sat beneath a mirror with an equally lonely hand dryer beside it. It was miserable looking, depressing.

I glanced at my watch and noted the time. Mariah would be out of class and dossing about before her next class, possibly in the locker room with Mathilda. So I pulled out my phone and pressed three. After a second, her phone began to ring. I listened, tapping my foot all the while as I listened to the hustle and bustle as people changed classes here and there.

"**Amber?**"

"Hey Mariah, how're you?"

"**Good. Just hold on a second till I find a place more private.**"

"Who's with you?"

"**Mathilda and Claude. You want me to put you on Speaker phone?**"

"Nah, it's ok." I replied sinking to the floor clutching the phone tightly in my grip.

"**You don't sound ok.**"

"Oh, I just got out of my first form. Shit, I mean… ugh!"

"**It was that good, huh?**" Mariah laughed easing my depression. I miss being around her. Bright pink hair is not depressing; it forces you to be cheerful constantly. Like chemicals that induce good feeling. Mathilda's pale pink hair gave a lesser dose.

"They're animals. Ok well not that bad but they don't get along, within five minutes my form teacher, who is also my aunty Anne, had to escort a guy to the principle for making a comment about Catholics. As soon as she was gone, a fight broke out between this Goth girl and Tala and-"

"**Who's Tala, eh?**" Mariah's tone was teasing.

"A guy I met last night who I was a complete bitch to today." And I felt bad about that.

"**Sounds… I don't know what to say to make you feel better. I wish I could be there, I really do. But don't let them push you away. Make all of them fall in love with you like we did.**"

I smiled but it just didn't feel genuine. Hearing her voice and knowing what I was missing, just made the ache worse. It was better to close off the wound before it bled. "Look, I'm late for English, so I'll catch you on MSN later, k?"

"**It's a date… oh speaking of dates? Any cute guys, not for you, for me?**"

"Later Mariah."

"**It's a genuine question!**"

"I'm hanging up now."

"**OK fine, I'll chat to you later. Byes.**"

"Bye." I hung up and closed my eyes, letting out a slow breath. Crossing to the sink, I poured cold water watching it rush down the white enamel coating before swirling down the drain which glugged and bubbled under my feet. Leaning over, I splashed the liquid over my face. I looked into the mirror as though expecting an alternate universe to appear in it. An alternate universe where everything was easy and pain was a foreign concept. I studied myself. The clear golden skin made more so by the crisp white blouse collar. The heavily lashed, long, topaz eyes. The small cupid bow mouth that dominated the bottom of my face, above the slightly pointed chin. I looked slightly drained, there were sooty thumbprints under my eyes and my skin was blanched under the gold.

A movement in the mirror had me looking over my shoulder. For a second I'd thought it was Mystel but I was looking at Tala's silver haired friend. I studied her since I hadn't seen her properly when I'd been in the class. Her skin was pale, Russian pale and it looked almost translucent with the metallic hair. The bangs were streaked with violet and pink and the whole cut was stylish. She was someone who cared and took time with her appearance. Vibrant red was slicked on her lips and there was a dab of shimmering burgundy at the ends of her almond shaped silver eyes. There was a canine element to her looks but I couldn't quite place where it was prominent. I just got that hint from her. Her ears, or what I could see of them, were heavily adorned with silver studs and rings, which hadn't been confiscated just yet.

"Hi." she greeted moving to mirror as I side stepped. "Amber isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Nice name."

"I got it because of my eyes." I replied simply wondering if I could leave without offending her. I really wasn't a people person much anymore. Too shy and too scared.

"Yeah?" she smiled slightly as she rooted in her bag. "Oh by the way, I'm Miyami Kinomiya."

I blinked and frowned puzzled. "Like Tyson and Hitoshi Kinomiya?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"I live next door to them."

"How… Oh, right. You're Shahero's' stepsister, aren't you? The one she's been telling us about. I have to say, you're not really living up to the person she described to us."

I sighed heavily and leant back against the clammy wall not caring if it soaked my thin sweater. "Who's us?"

"Me, my cousin, and my friends who are her friends." she explained, watching me through the mirror. "There's a little clique of us. She told us you'd be coming today but… well I have to say. It never clicked. The girl she told us about was sarcastic, witty, and fun to be around. I guess you're just a little overwhelmed, first day nerves?"

"Yeah. Probably. I've just set myself up for everyone to hate me because I'm the new girl, I suppose you're all getting that vibe."

"You're just coming of a little hostile. I mean Tala said he talked to you last night and that you were nice, but then you blanked him when he tried to talk to you in class."

I ran a hand over my face. "I suppose I seem like a right bitch, huh?"

"Well that word has popped up with your name a couple of times. Look, you seem nice, but a little word to the wise, try being yourself and don't judge us before you get to know us. At least wait a week before you decide we're the scum of the earth."

Feeling suitably told off, I looked down at the ground sheepishly. "You're not like my old transition year class. You don't seem to be all that friendly."

She shrugged and I had to give her admiration as she swept mascara over her lashes and still managed to keep up a conversation with me. "Different people, different personalities. Ruin and her friends, they don't like Tala and she's pretty proactive, fighting against the injustices the little people face. When we didn't back her up during something or other that saw her going up against the school board, well she basically decided we were cowardly worms and doesn't acknowledge us. We just didn't want to get involved because it didn't' bother us that much. It couldn't really have been that important because I can't even remember it now. However, the rest of us get along ok. Why what was your class like?"

"We all get along really well. I can't really describe it, we just clicked."

"That's nice for your group but not everything in life is that easy. So what class do you have now?"

"English, Mrs. King." I answered after checking the slip of paper I received.

Miyami's eyes widened. "Oh, Mrs. King is not going to take too well to you being late for her class, so we better get going."

"Do you have her as well?"

Miyami nodded with a grim expression. "It's different for me. I've had her teaching me for about 3 years so she knows me and my habits, but you're the new girl and to make you respect her, she's going to make you fear her."

Great. Well, maybe not so bad. Most teachers seem to like me. Or they once had, I use to be endearing but times change.

"Come on, I'll take you down to her room. It's down in the extension so that when she screams, she doesn't disrupt anyone else's classes. McClean, the screamer, is down there too as is the Metal Work class." Miyami packed up her cosmetics, half of them I didn't even know the name of, and shrugging on her bag, she turned to see if I was ready to go yet.

I hitched my own bag so that it sat securely on my back. I fell into step with her as she led me out of the bathroom and down the corridor to a spiral staircase.

"So tell me a bit about yourself. It'll be easier for you to fit in if you have some things in common with people."

I rolled my eyes behind her back. "Do you know how much I hate that question?"

"Well get used to it because you're going to have to answer it a lot while you're here. It's ok for us. We've all known each other on and off for years. You're coming in brand new. So look at me as practice for your soon to be adoring public."

I appreciated the sarcasm. "OK, well what do you want to know? I'm seventeen, will be eighteen in March and I haven't learnt to drive yet. My mom wants me to, desperately, because it would be good for me, but I prefer horses to cars, easier to deal with and less chance of killing people." Miyami snorted but didn't say anything. "I like music, mainly punk and new metal. Greenday, Blink 182, Lost Prophets, InMe, Linkin Park, Franz Ferdinand, that kind of thing and the classics."

"Keane? Distillers? Snow Patrol?"

"Keane are good, their song 'Bed shaped' is beautiful. I fell in love with Snow Patrol's 'Run' the first time my friend Mariah played it for me. As for Distillers, I've never heard of them."

She gaped at me. "Oh god. Our friendship may be royally screwed if you hate Brody Dalle."

"Let me listen to them, and I'll try to salvage it."

She grinned. "Well music wise, I have no problems with you. Do you read? Go to the cinema? Have a life outside of school?"

I shot her a bewildered look. "Of course I do. I'm an avid reader and a keen horse rider. I roller blade and follow ice hockey, formula 1 racing and fast sports. I used to go to the cinema at least twice or sometimes three times a week with my friends. My friend Mariah used to work there so she got a free pass a lot of the time. I usually spend time on MSN talking to my friends and basically, that's me. Not much to me."

"What about shopping?"

I made a face. "Do I have to?"

She grinned, leading me down the main staircase to the basement, which also doubled as the boys locker room it seemed, as I saw the walls encased in royal blue metal boxes. "I like shopping. So I tend to drag people with me. My male friends hate it, and the girls, well they could be more enthusiastic. I mean, clothes are essential. They define who you are and how others regard you. I'm unique and my clothes say that about me."

I smiled feeling some logic was behind her words. "I'm casual and my clothes say that about me. I'm not big into fashion; don't really have the figure for it."

She looked at me as she pushed open the swing door with enough force that it slammed against the wall outside and rebounded off it. We pushed through and walked outside. The rain had died off so the air was fresh and enticing again. "I wouldn't have pegged you to be self conscious about your figure."

I squirmed. "I'm not."

"You shouldn't be. Most models would kill to be as slender as you; most girls would kill to be as slender as you."

"You don't seem to be gaining pounds by the second either." I retorted defensively. I didn't know what she was getting at so I was just being wary. The grinding and buzzing sounds of drills and saws floated out of a room covered with windows. I looked in and noted that most of the students were male and around a year or so younger than me. It couldn't' be my year, because they had English now.

We approached a pebbledash bungalow with a large wooden door open at the end of it but we passed it and walked down the side of it. The windows here were white PVC, newer than the main building. Inside boys were all sitting on stools at workbenches looking straight ahead at a man in a white lab coat wearing goggles high on his forehead. The metalwork room, I presumed.

Miyami opened the PVC doors and we entered a quiet room. It wasn't a hall, as such. It was just an open area with three doors before us. Each was yellow and wooden with small narrow windows. Miyami charged straight for the one on our left and opened in, striding straight in without breaking her step. I followed her and looked round the room. Some familiar faces gazed back. The door was beside the black board so everyone was facing us, sitting in single tables that were arranged into groups of three. I tagged along with Miyami as she made her way to one of them with two tables spare. The late comer to my form class occupied the third. As I made my way there, I noted that the teacher was vacant from her seat yet the students hadn't' left, caused ultimate chaos or anything like that. Mrs. King really must have been scary. Tala was lounging behind us beside a girl with a crop of curly dark hair and a beauty spot on her face and a burly boy with a buzz cut. I looked round and sighed almost in relief when I saw Shahero sitting with a girl with blood red hair and pale skin and a tall guy black hair.

"Where's Mrs. K?" Miyami asked breaking the silence that had yet to be relieved since we entered.

"Some past pupils came up and made faces at us inside, she chased after them," the guy beside her, whose name I didn't know yet, explained.

"Second time today." Tala commented from behind us. "So Benz, what's with Teachers running out of the room whenever you're around?"

I turned and stuck out my tongue childishly. His rumble of laughter eased me, as had my conversation with Miyami. Catching Shahero's eye, she grinned and suddenly my first day at school wasn't looking as bad as it had ten minutes ago. Maybe I'd survive after all.

**

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**

**The end of another chapter. Poor Amber seems to be having a hard time adjusting, good thing Mystels there to help or hinder her. And everyone has basically been introduced, or the main players, except for two vital ones who'll appear next chapter. Next chapter, Amber meets an old friend and goes though the emotional roller coaster of her first day at school.**

**Ah and now for my reviewers.**

**Wanted:** My first reviewer Yoshi! Yeah Tala was introduced well I believe. He has a cool dog. Hope you like this chapter just as much.

**Beyblade-gal:** L/H isn't going to ever be updated due to some unforeseen circumstances and the fact that FF felt that they needed to delete it. But I'm glad to see you enjoyed the first chapter of this fic, I'm hoping it's going to surpass L/H because I feel it's a lot better written and much more deeper. Sorry to hear about your loss, I've never lost someone very close to me, fortunately but I've lost grandparents and I've never got over that. I don't think you do get over it completely, but you just have to move on with life. That's what I'm hoping to show through this fic because it's a hard thing to go through but it doesn't have to be the end of the world.

**Miss Wright:** Well I hope this chapter lives up to the first. God second chapters are like sequels to films, you have so many expectations of where the fic can go and then the author doesn't use any of them and ends up disappointing you so I hope I don't do that. But I suppose must do a little…

**Windwitch:** Meh action… well I have written fighting Spirits and it had action, but nah I don't do much with action. So I'll give it a shot. But this is a little more serious, it'll still have humour because I need to inject humour into everything. I can't be serious for very long before I start to find something amusing. And I'm having a lot of fun writing this story.

**Original-Monkey-Girl:** Did you like this chapter? I'm basically just concentrating on SLTS and this at the moment. I have an itch to write Dubh Croi though so I may post something with that in a short while.

**Signourney:** Hey. I know what you mean. I'm finding a lot of school fics or ones that deal with teenage lives are very fake and based on teen movies, and I'm trying to get away from that with both my stories. I just want them to be real but I'll probably fall into the trap of the cliché, it's too easy. But on saying that, a lot of this story is going to be based on things I or a friend has gone though so I'll try not to exaggerate things too much. Though the ghost thing has been exaggerated. I've had my encounters with ghosts but none have ever sat down and started a conversation with me because then I really might freak out

**MidnightInsanity:** Lol! One of your favourites, aw thankies. Ditto for me. You rock! I'm really glad to have your support on this fic too. Ooh and Scars is such a great song, but I prefer getting away with murder.

**eMiLy06:** Well did this live up to the standards of the first chapter? I'm glad you like this story, I was completely giddy about it but then I didn't know how people would react to the dead boy in it, but feedbacks been very good. So now I'm really pleased because I like how the characters are all falling into place.

**Araceil:** You are brilliant! You don't like Kai but you read and review my work, I love you! I can't say I'm that big of a person. If I don't like a character I won't read anything with them in it. Luckily for Arcada, Brooklyn's been worming his slimy evil way into my heart so I don't mind him as much anymore. I now have a belief that fan fiction Brooklyn is a completely different guy to series Brooklyn, otherwise I can't write him in my fics. LOL. I'm very big into self delusion, it's not the best way to remain sane.

**Twerp:** Hello! Yeah there's going to be sad moments but it'll still have my usual humorous moments. I need them so much, other wise I get depressed. Shush, don't mention the addictive radiation waves, no one is supposed to know about them… :looks around guiltily: That's why they removed L/H, found out about the secret subliminal messages hypnotizing people into reviewing. Lol. Well I'll continue to write as long as you review, how does that sound?

**Grandsummon:** Sarah you overwhelm me with your reviews, ya know? So the happy song sounds like that song the bears sing in the rugrats… not that I'd know anything about the rugrats being such a mature nineteen year old who doesn't watch cartoons ever… I'm glad you think my fics are original and you're right they are all very different, it's very strange. But looking back on the various fics that I've wrote, I do notice that there are quite a lot of differences. You're still not reassured on the Kai/Amber front are you? It's hard to say it'll be more true but I guess it'll be a different kind of love. After all, Kai won't be Amber's first love. It wasn't Kai on the quad, it was going to be but then I was thinking on Kai's background and if his Dad owns a stables, Kai's not likely to scare a horse, now is he? So it wasn't Kai on the quad. It was just one of those stupid eejits. You're so right, they do think they're some kind hells angels biker on those things. And Quads are anything but cheap, the engine on mine keeps getting screwed. They are so easy to break, if it's not the starter then it's something else…:grumbles: Well I doubt the scenery in Cork is all that different to the scenery in Donegal so it wouldn't be hard to imagine. I just truly love Ireland in the spring when the suns all hazy. It's gorgeous. Clown ghosts, they shouldn't be allowed and perving ghosts… :shudders: I think Mystel has more respect for Ams. Well I told you that Amber's friends will meet up with her, whether by phone calls, msn or trips to the cinema. I have had lots of horses but entertain a fear of them too, since one almost threw me onto a concrete floor without a helmet, another raced off down the road with me on the back helpless to do anything. But I five dogs with such boring names. Bob, Jess, Sheba, Candy and Toby who's the house dog. He's such a darling. I like cats but they always go off on their own and then they get knocked down, I wouldn't be able to deal with the heart ache. He's called Blitz for a number of reasons. Mainly because Blitz means Lightning and I sheep dogs need to be called short one syllable names so because Blitz was always very fast and lightning was a kind of cheesy name, Tala chose Blitz. There's also the blitz ball thing too because I was looking for a cool name and it was what made me think to look up the meaning of blitz.

**Buttercup:** No Kai wasn't on the quad… he was supposed to be but since his dad owns the stables then that wouldn't work out so well. He wouldn't be that disrespectful to a horse. Hope you like this chapter as well. Amber has more emotional trauma.

**Paris Super Girls:** Well most of the supernatural part just has to do with Mystel being a ghost and some of the stuff that comes from that but it'll not be anything too complex. Your advice is very welcome. Yeah you understand Mystel's problem but he never voices his own troubles. Well she can admit he's pretty gorgeous, but there's no spark. She just likes the person he is, he's easy to talk to. Hope you like this chapter just as much.

**Arcada:** That was such a nice little rhyme, lol. Hope you like this chapter just as much. I figured I should update since you did too.

**Destructive Habit:** So nope it wasn't Kai on the quad, I decided against that and I introduced him differently in this chapter. Of course I'd include you in my oscar winning speech. You're my friend aren't you?

**Ryouya-Kyuuketsuki:** Well, still liking it? Hope so.

**Coors:** Well I couldn't imagine losing my friends but I barely see them much anymore. It would be different if you lost me, because you only see me on MSN, it'd be different. Then again, going on line and knowing I wouldn't be able to talk to you again, would suck very much. Well Mystel feels if she cried, she'd be relieving some of the pain.

**Nise-anjel:** Aw I'm so pleased you like this story so far. I've been itching to write a story based in Ireland for quite a while but could never get a plot that really interested me.

**Phasmatis of priscus dea Isis:** Wow, that's one heck of a cool penname. Well my fic can't be too normal, wouldn't be me if it was. But yeah I'm going for the down to earth hint and in Ireland, it can't be anything but. We're very grounded with firm beliefs in the mythical… odd group of people, aren't we? Lol. Hope you like this chapter.

**Darkwolf-of-night:** Hey! Well so far the reviews have been good, mostly I just like to know how everyone is liking my work. Well I need to put detail into the story, especially this one, because not many people see Ireland, because it's never really shown on TV. But also because I can't draw pictures to go with my story so I have to describe everything so people can see what I am imagining in my mind.

**Gb-S-t-E-r07:** I adore Mystel, so much. I actually drooled over his picture, I haven't drooled over Kai recently…:muses: Could have something to do with everyone screwing with his looks. This story has me very excited, with such an intriguing plot line that allows me to delve into so many things that a normal fic based in America wouldn't allow me to do though basing it in Ireland also deprives me of a lot of stuff too.

**Fluffys-toy:** I've had to discontinue it due to pressure from another author claiming that I copied her fic. Despite Fighting Spirit coming out before hers, I'd just rather avoid dealing with her and instead concentrating on my other fics. Sorry about that

**Tikytikytavi101:** Mystel is gorgeous and not all that arrogant either. But I wanted to have him close to Amber, having him as a ghost enabled me to do that. As for Tala being a player, well he dates a number of girls but player is a relatively American thing, most of the guys in Ireland that I know have way more respect for girls. That being said, I totally love Tala too. He's always got a good piece in my fics.

**Chikaitou-411:** Yeah some POV's can be bothersome. I don't know, my POV's usually take on the ramblings of a demented woman which is why I only write them in Amber's POV. On saying that, it gives me a lot of freedom to not have to worry about writing down someone else's thoughts. I just have to really concentrate on Amber and how she sees people reacting to her.

**Kaieshakai:** Well I hope this chapter lives up to the previous one.

**SlightlyIrrelevant:** Wow, only one chapter and it's your favourite:raises brow: Wow. That's surprising. I hope I don't disappoint you now with this story but right now I'm really loving the idea of it. Well despite what Amber thinks and I agree with the flowers thing, I must point out my mom and her sisters always replace the flowers on my grandparents grave, they're part of the group of people who take comfort from graves but the church wants to grow grass over the grave so that they won't be able to put flowers there because they say it'll be much neater looking. I don't think they should be allowed to do that. Though I haven't lost any one close to me, I can understand the grief because I barely ever get to see my friends anymore and it's like they've died and I've experienced grief through my grandparents dying too. I'm not amazing, I just try really hard and write what amuses me and it's nice when it entertains others as well. So once again, thank you for the email!

**Mike-x:** Don't worry little man I ain't gonna just bail on this story. I'll have you know that I'm also working on Dubh Croi as well as SLTS and this one. It's just I have to work with whatever fic I'm in the mood to write. But I agree, the country gives me so much to work with, lots of animals, tractors, lol. Anyways I hope you also enjoy this chapter too.

If anyone has any questions they want to ask you can email me or reach me on my live journal, the address is in my bio.


	3. Settling in

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Beyblade characters that I take pleasure in manipulating into being normal teenagers. I do however own Amber and her complexities. Ruin owns herself, I finally lost the bet and now she found the deeds to herself. Shahero Kaeto ran away with the gingerbread man to Coors. Miyami Kinomiya and everything that is good and talented about her came from Unlucky-Star. Sonia Martini would like to belong to Ozuma but unfortunately for her belongs to SpitfireSae. Aspin Grant is Animerle's alone. Arista Belyaev is ArcadaAvalon's. Kirby Preston-Lee is solely Kindred Insanity's. Now Russia Kennedy, Zareth Forest and Hanson Slade all belong to Zimo, they are a trio and will never be separated, ever! My will is done.

Oh and Corrie is Coronation Street, the Granada Soap that's shown on UTV/ITV and TV3. Pop Idol does not belong to me either. And I don't know what else to disclaim. Most of this belongs to me, but if there's something you do recognize that doesn't belong to Beyblade, well it's probably not mine either.

Oh and no earwigs were harmed in the making of this chapter.

A.N. Ugh, I have to take an aptitude test for a job tomorrow at eight thirty in the morning. God, I'm never up at that time… But I get books afterwards as a bonus, yay! I don't even want the job. Ah well, I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's interesting at the most.

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Chapter Three - Settling in

Mrs. King was not only scary; she was big, mean and scary. First thing out of her mouth when I said I was the new girl was, 'You're going to wish you never came to this class.' I think most of the class themselves were rather surprised by the statement but no one said anything. Later, Miyami had whispered that Mrs. King hadn't meant it; she was just in a bad mood. And I was an easy target? Do I have a bulls-eye on my forehead? I don't think so. Instead of saying anything, I just took down the names of the books she told me to get. English was thankfully ok, because the books I used in my old school were valid here so I wasn't really going to be out of pocket here. I think it was the same for all my classes but I was taking down the names of everything just to be on the safe side. When English was over, Maths followed. I wasn't looking forward to Mondays from now on.

The Maths teacher was one of those try hard teachers. She tried hard to make the students respect her. It was obvious that they didn't. She sent Johnny to sit at a table all on his own at the back of the room between the door and a cupboard. Tala was too smart for the class so he wasn't there. Miyami was also too good at Maths to be there. Shahero was also in the smart class so I was, basically, on my own there. I didn't recognize very many people there. Therefore, I'd sat beside Miyami's purple haired friend and the blond Enrique. As soon as I made myself known to Ms. Mc Daid, she'd pounced and fired questions at me as though she thought I resembled a walking talking calculator. Thankfully, near the middle of class, a lime green haired boy had entered and had asked to move down from Honours to Ordinary. Mrs McDaid acted as though she'd just found her prodigy, since I didn't know anything. He, whose name turned out to be Oliver, had been asked every question and he'd answered them all correctly. Smart arse.

The next couple of classes had passed relatively seamlessly too. Mrs King is also my French teacher; she was just about as impressed with my knowledge of French as she was with my knowledge of the English language. As for Irish, well my teacher's a missing member of the Tuatha De Danann and she asked if I'd ever met a leprechaun. I had thought it was just a joke at first but looking at Tala told me that she was deadly serious. Nevertheless, she's a nice enough woman. Very friendly and helpful, like a librarian -a crazy leprechaun seeing librarian. Not to mention that she was patronizing, treating us as though we were as dumb as she is. She brings a new meaning to blonde.

As I moved from one class to another, from one floor to another and from one wing to another, I, basically, encountered every one of those 600 pupils as well as the teachers. I saw Kirby three times and each time she was doing nothing! How dossy! Well first day of Transition Year isn't very exciting, you're just divided into your company groups and for homework, you had to think of a name for the company and those who wanted to be president or whatever had to make out a speech. However, Kirby seemed to be having fun. I think I saw Daichi's head. And I definitely saw my cousin Ozuma; he's a prefect and he'd been leading around a group of first years, who'd been just as lost as he was. Supposedly, he didn't know where room 76 was and when he asked Shahero, she hadn't known either. She claims that the rooms multiply at night. I've no reason to argue.

My biology class is a pisser. None of my friends or the limited people I know that could potentially be friends are in that one. It bites on a supremely high level. Therefore, I'll just muddle on through.

I sighed and wondered what I was going to do now. The bell had rung ending my class and signalling for lunch… and I didn't know where the canteen was or where Shahero was. I wandered down the stairs at a slow pace.

"_So? Is it really as bad as you expected?_"

"I guess not. It's handy having Shahero around. She has friends here, good ones and they all like her and are willing to take me in because I'm her stepsister. I wouldn't mind seeing Ozuma though. I haven't talked to him yet, he's been busy with the first years."

"_Well you seem in a better mood. You're not as down as before. I was worried for a few seconds. You were close to tears a while back_"

"Close, but no cigar. You know me; I worry about things and build them up to be bigger than they are. These people have no reason to dislike me, so why would they unless I make them?"

Mystel laughed at that. "_See I've been saying that to you for years. But do you listen to me?_"

I chuckled. "Well I have to figure out things for myself. Telling me something doesn't work. People say there's such a thing as god, but…" I trailed off and my stomach fluttered. I was scared to say things like that, I realized, as if I believed that saying something about there being no god would make him smite me by striking down one of my friends. I was stuck between believing and not believing but that didn't mean that if I had to go to church that I'd make a big song and dance about him. I wouldn't. I was sliding into Wicca, and I knew if that became known, not only would mum be disappointed but it would also have an adverse reaction with the people who knew me.

"_Amber?_"

I shook my head and walked along the corridor and over to the girls locker room. I had to get a key later from a teacher named Ms. Kaye, the one who complained about Enrique's cool socks. Boy was I looking forward to that; all the same, I was looking forward to today being over. I was beginning to feel alone again and out of place again. In addition, I was hungry. As I entered the locker room to look for some one, I noticed the gothic girl from earlier. She was brushing her hair as she listened to music that screamed so loud I could almost make out lyrics. The band sounded like SOAD but I wasn't sure. It was something screaming and hard-core; obviously, something she felt suited her.

I tucked my hair behind my ears and dropped my bag by the pool of bags gathered by the door and noted that with the bright orange trim to my navy bag, I'd be able to find it easily again. With that, I headed back out of the girls locker room and almost walked straight into a figure entering.

"Watch where you're going!" she snapped agitatedly in her feminine voice.

"Sorry." I wasn't really. If she had bothered looking where she was going then we wouldn't even be having this exchange.

Her bronzed fingers caught my arm and dug in. I looked round, irritation flashing through my own eyes but I froze when I found myself staring into large brandy coloured eyes. A tweak of recognition pulled at the corner of my mind but I couldn't place where I'd seen this person before. It was the eyes. These large shining eyes, innocent, mischievous and full of life.

"AMBER? Oh my god, it is you, isn't it?"

I blinked and focused to take her in completely. Thick, shiny, aquamarine hair fell in waves around a small Asian bronze face. The eyes dominated the face, they were so large and compelling while the small button nose and mouth added to the cute factor. She was tiny, around Shahero's size but she had a fragile doll aura to her that Shahero would never have. She was curvy and she used the uniform to show it. The v-neck of the sweater was low cut and the blouse was unbuttoned to give any guy a good view. I hoped that Mystel wasn't looking because that would be so weird. She wore the plain black skirt short and her legs looked long and leggy because she wore socks up to her knees and thick chunky shoes that added some height to her.

It was as though someone had flashed on a light and I suddenly remembered her. "Ming-Ming?" Well isn't this a small world? Ming-Ming and I had been friends all through national school. I had always been a year ahead of her, and she'd been sweet tagging around with me, but then I moved to Secondary school and she went to another one the next year. I had tried to keep in touch but school and new friends had just rather taken over. Ok, I admit it, I forgot her. But that happens in life.

"Yeah! Look at you all grown up."

I opened my mouth to say the same, but she still looked the same to a degree so I settled for: "You look great Ming-Ming."

"Oh drop the second Ming; it gets to be a mouthful after a while. So what are you doing here? Are you going to school here? What class are you in?"

"6T."

"Oh with all those fit guys, lucky girl," she said with a grin. She tucked her arm in mine and began to lead me away from the locker room. "So tell me everything, how've you been? I've been really good. My parents thought this school would cater for me better. Therefore, I have to board at the boarding house. It's the old school when it had been a boarding school. But man it's so small sometimes and cramped. You're always tripping over someone. Nevertheless, it's really nice. I love it here. Everyone's so very friendly and I'm a house prefect. Can you believe it? I'm in charge of people, like a big sister."

"Cool for you."

"Oh wicked cool. So why are you here?"

"My mum moved us up here so she and Hiroshi could practice living together."

"Hiroshi?"

"Hiroshi Kaeto." I elaborated.

"Kaeto. Shahero Kaeto's dad?"

I nodded warily wondering what her thoughts on Shahero were like. They'd hardly be bosom buddies. Shahero was tomboyish while Ming-Ming took being girly to the extreme. Though they would both have singing in common, I was pretty sure they were not good friends. They just don't mesh that well; they clash horribly personality wise. Then again, Ming-Ming's personality may have changed over the past 5 years since I've seen her.

"Oh cool. Well, at least you're not here on your lonesome." she said cheerily, waving to a few girls who called her name as she guided me out of the main building and onto the sheltered passage. "So what do you think of here so far? I know this school must be such a shock from your old school. I mean it's so… not school like at times."

I blinked and replayed that sentence in my head. Blinked and replayed again. Ok that made no sense to me. "It's a school. How is it different?"

"I don't know. It's old, ok. There's just something about this place that's not like any other school."

O-K. Well I had no comment for that. So, I dumbly nodded. The school was just like any body else's impression on a school would be. There were classrooms, with teachers in the classrooms and people went to the classrooms to learn things, in the classrooms. How was this any different? I wanted to ask Mystel but I got the distinct feeling that he wasn't around. A burst of panic erupted inside me. I froze and began to search inside me for that spark that was him. That feeling, that comfort that stayed with me because he was near. My heart began to thunder. Did he just leave? He couldn't just leave. If he could leave… Oh god. Oh, please no. I wasn't ready; I didn't want him to go. Please…

"Amber?"

I blinked and my wide eyes focused on the aquamarine haired girl before me. She was staring at me concerned and I realized I had just stopped in the middle of the path while the students pushed past me and cast me bewildered glances. The sun was streaming down having found a patch of cornflower blue sky not inhabited by fluffy white clouds laced with silver wisps of grey. The breeze made the strands of my hair that had fallen down dance gently but all that didn't really sink in. I was more concerned by the fact that Mystel hadn't told me he was going to leave. He just disappeared and I wasn't ready to let him go, not yet. I just wasn't.

My lips trembled feeling the pressure in my chest crushing my heart all over again.

"Amber, are you ok? Do you need to sit down?"

I shook my head. Sit down? Oh yeah that'll work. Why don't you offer me a cuppa tea? That'll naturally cure everything and bring Mystel back won't it? I bit my tongue feeling bitter, caustic, and needing to swipe out at the nearest person.

Then suddenly, it was though a light switched on and the comforting wash of soft heat flowed through me and he was back again. I was almost sure of it. Out of my peripheral vision, I could see the flash of white blond and white shirt. I turned and looked directly at him. He smiled and pointedly looked at Ming-Ming who was regarding me warily. If we were alone, I'd have wiped that grin off his face and then we'd see how positively chipper he'd be. Instead, I blinked, coming out of my stupor and looked at Ming-Ming, directing all my attention back to her.

"Uh, I just remembered, I'm supposed to meet Shahero for lunch."

Ming-Ming just chuckled and ran a hand through her hair, pushing it out of her face and smoothing the wavy locks down over her shoulder. "So she'll be up in the canteen and that's where we're going. Ams we haven't seen each other in ages. Just indulge an old friend and accompany her to the canteen, ok?"

I nodded with a jerk of my shoulder. Supposedly, it's a Benson trait. Each one of us just nods and jerks a shoulder when we don't actually have a better answer or can't think of one. It could actually be true though, because since hearing that, I've been observing some of the Bensons and when you ask Rory a question, his answer is usually a nod and a shrug. It's scary what you pick up from your family.

"So what happened back there? Don't tell me you can't multitask so while you were trying to remember what you were forgetting, you had to stop."

I smiled weakly. "Yeah, something like that." I muttered sheepishly. _Dead man walking Mystel! Dead man walking, fucking ass wipe leaving me like that without fucking saying a word. Don't think you being dead is going to keep you from feeling my wrath. Dead or not, I'm going to kill you_.

"Amber?"

"What?" I yelped alarmed by her exasperated tone.

"You keep going off to the land of fairies. You ok?"

"Yeah." Just a little insane, talking to my dead boyfriend, you know the usual.

"Ok if you say so."

I do. We walked up through the gap between the prefabs where a man was talking on the steps to another teacher; both were P.E. teachers since they sported the Adidas sweatpants and Nike shoes. The clothes of gods, I rolled my eyes. Mariah and I had made big efforts not to wear brand-marked clothes and when it came down to it, we were the most eccentric when it came to gym clothes. We never wore the uniform sweater, instead took to wearing our fleeces and usually just a normal pair of jogging pants and trainers. My trainers had started off being bright orange and navy, bright yellow and navy, purple and black and then there came the plain navy and white striped ones that lasted me for years which I still wear when I can get away with it. Mariah loved sports, loved her sport clothes more, often wearing white and pink, her favourite colours. While Mathilda and Emily did everything to get out of sports and when I couldn't be arsed or when I had my period, I'd join them in the dug out and make up pathetically weak excuses, playing on the sympathies of the weak willed teachers who doted on us. Namely the science teacher, Mr. Quinn. He loved us. We told him someone had pushed us down a flight of stairs and we'd twisted our ankles, all three of us, mind you and he bought it. Man was he dumb and weren't we original.

"So what classes are you doing this year? You and I have to be in some of them together. Me being in 5B and everything."

"Um, well the obligatory subjects of English, Maths and Irish."

Ming-Ming rolled her eyes. "Don't you hate Irish? I mean sure, great, we have a language no one else can speak so when we go to France we can confuse the frogs, but hello, how many times are you going to go to France?"

I shrugged. "Probably never. I'm going to Canada as soon as I get out of this hellhole. There's nothing to do in this country."

"Exactly. Do the Canadians speak Irish?"

"Well no."

"So why do we learn it? I mean the gaeltacht is like a nudist colony. All they do is speak Irish instead of wandering round naked, and it's great to visit but honestly are you going to leave your natural world to strip down? I don't think so, so why learn a dead language?"

"I don't know. I've argued this with my teachers until I'm blue in the face and it doesn't sway popular opinion. Besides, that's why I'm doing ordinary. I already know the basics, this class is just going to be a doss year for me because there's nothing that ding bat can teach me."

"Who do you have?"

"Uh… the leprechaun lady? I was so intrigued by how much she resembled that professor Trelawney in Harry Potter, that I forgot her name."

"Oh her, and doesn't she just act like that flaky old bat? I swear the glasses are the same." Ming-Ming stated vehemently so that I had to grin. It was true. "I'm thinking of moving to that class."

"Why?"

"Oh I'll give you my reason once we get inside." She said mysteriously as we waited to follow the line into the canteen. It was a double door entrance, but only one part was open and so people were pushing in and out via that one. Poor first years were being pushed and shoved every which way in the crush. "So other subjects? Higher or lower English?"

"Honours with Mrs. King."

Ming-Ming's face blanched beneath the tan. "Oh god help you. I'm doing honours with Mrs. Ewing, she's so sweet but she lets everyone away with absolutely everything. I got away with telling her that my book was down behind the locker and was sent to get one of the caretakers to retrieve it. I wandered aimlessly round the school for a good 20 minutes before Kaye caught me and sent me back without the book and Ewing said nothing."

I chuckled. "Lucky you. Mrs. King doesn't look like someone who'll let me away with anything. I have her for French too."

"Aw too bad. I have Edwards and she's sweet, gets a bit PMSive when you don't hand in your homework but nothing as bad as King, she scares people so they cry. Guys and all."

"Shit." I muttered and it was heartfelt.

"Maths?"

"McDaid ordinary, you?"

"Chambers, ordinary. Other classes?"

"Well French, which I mentioned." I pushed my way up the steps, catching a first year by the elbow as he stumbled and righting him quickly. God I'd hate to be in first year again. At least I wasn't in such a bad place. Yes, I didn't have the security of actual real friends, but I had Shahero and my cousins and well whatever Ming-Ming was. Moreover, I was nearer the top of the food chain than the first years were. They'd naturally be picked on by everyone older than them and even by the people in their year. It must suck. There was a chance that I'd be bullied by someone in my year, but the likely hood of being bullied by someone in a lower year wasn't very likely.

"Ugh, I wouldn't swap places with you there. I'm doing music instead."

"What about science? Are you doing one of those subjects?"

"I have to do one to get into college. So, I chose Geography. It can't be that hard. What about you?"

"Biology. I sucked at Chemistry and was worse in Physics, didn't understand a word my teacher said at all."

Ming-Ming laughed. "That was me the whole way through science. So what are your other subjects, French, Biology and?"

"H.E."

"Me too."

"And History." The heat blasted at me as I entered the canteen. It was dim inside and the crowds of students all milling around tables, shoving up against the counter to be served or sitting down, didn't help the light get in much. It would more than likely brighten up when the student body filtered out.

"Same here. But my reason for doing History is also my reason for moving down from higher Irish."

"Really?" I didn't see the link. History and ordinary Irish didn't have much in common. Absently I scanned for Shahero or some of her friends but saw none of them. I did however make out Johnny's flame hair over by the fire exit trying to push his way into the crowd piled up against the counter. He was shouting something to someone over his shoulder and shoving a third year out of his way.

"Yup and he's sitting right over… there." she grabbed my arm and whirled me round so hard I almost did a 360 spin. I frowned and then followed to where she pointed. My stomach jerked and quivered in instant reaction to the shock of seeing the two toned bluenette from earlier. I mustn't have been paying attention to him earlier because for some reason I failed to note what a pure specimen of the male species he was. Or maybe I was because in the uniform he'd looked different. Now he'd shed the jumper and was wearing the white shirt untucked, the sleeves were rolled up and the collar unbuttoned. The tie was loosened drastically, so the knot hung down his chest. His hair was tousled and his eyes closed as he leaned back in his chair. He wasn't as pretty as Tala facially, but there was just something about that relaxed expression on that criminally handsome face. Despite the stress free stance, it was obvious that there was a busy mind running behind those closed eyes.

Suddenly those deep brown eyes, no longer hidden from me, were open and locked on mine. The air hummed for a beat. A buzz of intensity shot through me like an electric jolt turning my limbs to water then it was gone, as though it hadn't happened, if it even did. I heard Ming-Ming's audible gasp and forcibly snapped my gaze to her.

"Well that's an interesting reason."

"My god." she whispered. "That guy is just sex on legs."

Despite myself, my lips curled in a feline grin. "Wow do you have it bad."

She nodded sheepishly. "Well I dunno, it's sort animalistic."

My eyes widened for half a beat. Animalistic? What crap was she slurping up these days? Animalistic…

"_Is that how you girls talk about us?_" I felt Mystel's discomfort as though it were my own. Probably was my own. "_Because I gotta say, if it is, give me a heads up and then I can go and hide somewhere_."

Yeah in the deep recesses of my mind.

"_Though you have to admit she has taste._"

Oh god, you died and went gay, didn't you?

"_God you can admit girls are pretty. Why can't I say that he's a nice looking guy? I'm sure of my masculinity and you should be too,"_ he told me in a suggestive tone and the tweak of pain made me grimace. I missed him. I missed being able to touch him, just the casual brush of our hands or being able to hug him, god I missed him so much.

"Amber?"

I blinked and closed my eyes, regaining composure as Ming-Ming tugged on my sleeve. "What?" I asked softly.

"He's coming over here," she hissed under her breath.

"Who?"

"Kai!"

"Who?"

"Me."

I snapped my head to the owner of the smooth masculine voice who interrupted our conversation. Ming-Ming's dream man.

"Oh hey." I said weakly. Oh shit, this was weird. "You're Kai?"

"Yeah and you're late."

My brow furrowed while Ming-Ming shot me a dark accusing look. "I am?" I'm so glad my questioning tone is getting so much practice. At this rate, I'll make an excellent interrogator.

"Yes." he said as though I was wearing on his patience. "Shahero and you were supposed to be doing lunch," he pointed out and I flushed remembering, but I didn't know where she was and how could I meet her if I was lost. Technically, she should have come and found me. I opened my mouth to point that out but he gave me a look that had me shutting it again. This Adonis was pissing me off. "She's been looking for you."

What is he? Shahero's secretary? I wondered how she'd feel, if I had to break it to Ming that her dream date was gay. Male secretary's, you can't get any gayer. All the same, his 'I-know-all' attitude made me bristle.

"Well I'm not psychic so how am I supposed to know where we were going to meet."

"Kai, it's my fault. I asked her to walk me up to the canteen; I thought Shahero might be up here." Ming-Ming stepped into the conversation, drawing his attention. She flashed him a sheepish smile and had him sighing.

"Look I'm just passing on a message."

"Fine."

"Benz!"

I looked up and felt my grin spread over my face slowly. It wasn't even forced,

it's as if I hear his voice and my mouth works on its own. The only other person who had that effect on me was Mystel. "Hey Tala!"

"You're sounding better. Settling in ok?" he asked moving around me to stand beside Kai. He handed the two toned azure haired boy a chicken salad burger, who inspected it thoroughly. "Johnny didn't know what type of sauce you wanted, so he gave you ketchup."

Kai nodded before sinking his teeth into it. Tala turned back to me. "So who're you sitting with for lunch?"

"Ah-"

"I offered to let her sit with me, but she blew me off."

Tala smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. Moreover, I got the feeling that he didn't know Ming-Ming that well. I don't know, maybe I was getting weird vibes from someone else. Who knows, I'm always picking up on someone's emotional trauma, for a while, I mistook it for my own.

"I have a date with my sister."

"Shahero and her friends usually don't eat in the canteen." Tala told me and I smiled gratefully.

"There she is!"

I jumped and turned around as a hand landed on my shoulder with a hard enough slap to sting my shoulder. "Yeowch." I glared accusingly at Miyami who shrugged unapologetically.

"We were looking for you. Come on, we need to get moving."

"Uh, ok." But I was hungry; I wanted to whine. Funnily I didn't think they'd think too much of my whining. I could always whine to Mariah and she'd go get my food. She was like my own personal food shopper. Or I could whine to Claude, or whoever. I'm a good whiner, people always feel sorry for me and go get me food. And food is the only thing I use my whining powers for because whiners annoy me. I confess there are something's that I have double standards for, whining is one of them.

"What's the hurry?" Tala wondered, directing the question to the silver haired girl. And I secretly cheered him for asking the question I wanted to know personally. I shot him a grateful smile and noted that Ming-Ming had edged closer to Kai who was eerily watching Miyami. Was there something between them?

"Well we're trying to set up Russia and Zareth and if we don't head down there now, then Russia will wheedle out of going with him again because he'll have headed out of school."

Kai's brow furrowed. "Russia can make her own dates, Mimers."

"I know, I know. I'm just giving her a gentle push in the right direction. Just consider me cupid," she said cheerfully.

Ming-Ming and I exchanged bewildered looks. I had no idea what they were going on about really but Miyami was reminding me of Mariah because Mariah loved nothing more than setting us all up together. That has never been a good thing. Human cupids fuck up, hence why Cupid was originally a god!

"Come on Amber."

I nodded dumbly unsure how else to reply. I was being swept away on a rip current and I wasn't so sure if this was a good thing or not and where the hell was Shahero? Did she just order people around like they were her own personal court? Why didn't she come and find me, hello she is my sister of sorts.

"Shahero's hiding from Hitoshi." Miyami answered as soon as we'd exited the canteen.

I blinked and stared at her, weaving in and out of approaching groups of students. "Why is she hiding from Hitoshi?"

Miyami grinned. "She accidentally threw a sponge at him. A sponge that had been soaking up dirty water and she hit him on the head."

I nodded finally getting what Shahero had just done. She'd messed with his hair, never such a good thing with someone like Hitoshi who took pride in his hair and looks, but… "Shit, we're not even finished the first day yet."

Miyami grinned. "True, but it's Hitoshi, so ya know. Self-explanatory."

I blinked once again. See, I don't actually have any clue about any of these people's history together. So really, it wasn't self-explanatory to me. Yes, I knew that Hitoshi and Shahero had no love lost between them but I hadn't been expecting… ok I admit it; I don't know what I'd been expecting. God I hadn't really given this school or the people much of a thought, nor had I asked Shahero much about it. I'd just been too wrapped up in myself.

"How are things with you so far?"

"So far it's been good." I replied softly feeling a disturbing sensation in my gut. I really just wanted today to be over, more so I wanted these next couple of weeks to be over. I felt so out of place.

"_You're withdrawing_."

I sighed and realized Mystel was right. He was also being incredibly gobby today. There was a time he never bothered me when people were around, now he just couldn't seem to help himself. But on saying that, I was actually quite glad for it. God knows how I'd be without him. Lost, alone, bitter… ok maybe not such a big difference because I _was_ without him.

"What are you thinking so hard about?"

I shook my head. "Just thinking. This place…" I trailed off with a shrug.

"It's a bit overwhelming, huh?"

"More than you could imagine." The presence of tears were never far from me, it was like a constant cloud that followed where I went, always spitting down to remind me it was there. I stifled a yawn and felt my eyes prick.

"_We need to talk._" he suddenly spoke loud and firmly in my ear. So loud, I gasped and knew Miyami had heard him. I was sure of it, but she only shot me a quizzical look.

"Are you ok?"

"Um… yeah." _I can't right now. I can't just run off._

"_Well then stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're making me feel guilty and you're not the only one that is hurting._"

I clenched my teeth and rubbed the crease out of my forehead. How could he speak like that? I had a good reason to be feeling self-pity! I was on my own without my friends, without… _Fine. You win._

We walked into the assembly halls. There were three table tennis tables set up in the centre of the hall. Each one had at least two boys playing on it, with a group of boys standing around it. In various corners, people stood talking and discussing things in their groups. On the opposite side of the room, at the opening where I'd stood this morning, stood Shahero with the purple haired girl, the silver haired girl, Sonia, and the redheaded girl from English class. They had lined up against the red heater.

"Amber!"

I looked over my shoulder, then felt all my loneliness melt away at the sight of Daichi Benson's vibrant red hair, although not as bright as Tala's. There were tufts sticking up everywhere, and his style just looked like elaborate bed head. His boyishly handsome face was full of exuberance and mischief. His green eyes were blistering and hooded heavily with a frame of dark lashes. His short self had spurted up so that now he stood almost a head over me, and his body was lanky and gawky. The navy of the uniform made his pale skin paler so that his small spatter of freckles really stood out like little black dots. There was a scar on his forehead, an x shape. None of us really knew where he got it from and when we ask, he just brushes us off.

He strode up to me and when he stood before me, I locked my arms around him and held him tightly. If he was feeling awkward at this display of affection, he didn't show it much. Instead, he just patted my back. I needed hugs and cuddles, desperately. Mystel had always provided me with them and once told me I was touch starved. If I hadn't been before, I was now. I just needed a casual show of physical affection. I didn't care about kisses or anything like that, I just liked a good cuddle that made me feel safe and secure because I could hold onto someone for a brief moment.

I pulled back aware that a few first years were shooting us looks while Daichi's friends were snickering. His ears were burning but he didn't make a comment about how his cousin had just embarrassed him in front of the school and I was grateful because right now I felt awfully fragile.

I forced a grin onto my lips. "Hey Little man." I greeted affectionately and had him glowering at me.

He patted my head easily. "Hey little girl."

I scowled and didn't need to force the laughter into my eyes; it was just there because of the comfortable easiness between us. "I'm not little, I'm petite."

"I'm not little, I'm taller than you, little girl."

"Pest."

"Nice to see you too." He replied and ruffled my hair, pulling a few strands out of my ponytail.

Growling and rolling my eyes, I tugged out my band and began to gather up my hair, wrapping the band round it again. "What is with you and my hair, DC? Huh?"

He snorted before turning serious. "So are you ok?"

I blew out a breath. "I've been better. Everyone's really nice, but…"

"Yeah I know. It'll get better."

"I sure as hell hope so."

"Oh, mum said you have to come over to us later this week."

I nodded. "OK then. Better get some practice on Tekken, buster, because I'm taking you down."

"You wish!" he scoffed.

"Oh no, I'm taking you down."

"With Ling?" he made a gagging sound. "As if."

I scowled. "Oh and I want my CD back, please."

His face crumpled in confusion. "What CD is that?"

"The one you stole from me." I muttered. He tried to say it was Mystel who stole it, but it wasn't because I'd gone through Mystel's stuff when he died and-

"_You went through my stuff!_"

I mentally nodded and smothered a smile. Oh, boys and their toys are humorous.

"I don't have your CD."

"You better hope and pray that you don't, because if I find it in your room, I'm going to kick your ass so hard you'll be shitting out of your mouth for weeks to come."

Daichi swallowed hard and made a face. "I don't think I have it, but I'll look for it."

"Good boy. Now go and play with your friends." I ushered then turned back to where the girls had been standing. They were still there. Shahero was telling them something while the purple haired girl muttered something under her breath to Sonia that caused her to laugh. The blood haired girl jerked as Miyami nudged her. A second or two later, Shahero noticed me.

"Hey!"

I smiled self-consciously and approached them. "Hey."

"Where've you been?"

"I was catching up with an old friend." I replied, casting a glance at the other girls to acknowledge them. I didn't want to come over as standoffish yet that was exactly how I was feeling. Weird, I'm usually the type of person who wants to extend the hand of friendship.

"Really? Who?" Shahero asked actively taking an interest in my life and I was grateful to her for that. Really. And because she made the effort, I felt compelled to do the same. God I sounded like such a tartly bitch.

"Ming-Ming."

If anything could dampen a mood within this group, that name was surely it. I've never seen people react to a name like that unless it was something like Elvis but that's understandable because his name is like the closest name to God or Jesus. No one ever puts Elvis without a capital E, do they? Shit, I'm rambling, I'm possibly the only person who rambles in her mind and that can't be cool.

"_Not cool, yet oh so amusing._"

Bite me, dead boy… This is just too weird.

"Hey is she ok?"

I snapped my attention back from where it had automatically wandered, to Mystel, my dead boyfriend who haunted me. Was it really Mystel who invaded my private thoughts and added his two cents? Or was it just something I'd created to help me through the transitional period? It would be so easy to make thoughts that could be construed as his. I knew him so well; inside and out that I could almost convince myself that he had said that, even if I was the one who thought the words. How could I be sure?

"Hel-lo!"

I shook my head and hoped the thoughts would be cast aside as I focused on Shahero's hand, which was waving, wildly before my face. "Sorry, I keep phasing today."

"We noticed." Miyami said with a grin and I was beginning to like how she didn't make me feel idiotic when she pointed things out to me.

"You thinking about your friends?"

The way Shahero said friends, well I knew she meant Mystel and I nodded, grateful that she understood.

"God that must be tough, leaving all your friends behind and starting off new." This came from that girl, Sonia, who was smiling sympathetically. The sunlight flashed off her the small shield pinned to the base of her v-neck sweater. The words 'head girl' had been engraved in gold against the navy background. She seemed to be a good choice. My old head girl had been extremely unapproachable as had most of the prefects. They paraded around as though they were some kind of hierarchy but maybe that's because they were older than I was, and any senior had always been intimidating to me as a junior student, the badge just had been another reason to avoid them. However, Sonia seemed approachable.

"Pssh, she can do like I did, make more and have more friends." Shahero interjected.

I keep forgetting that she had been new not so long ago, so she knew vaguely what I was going through. I just wish I didn't have to go through it, then again, she'd been moving from another country to Ireland and that had to be even worse even if she knew English, she still wouldn't have known much of the culture. I guess I was worrying needlessly, but looking at the big picture wasn't very easy when you felt like you were alone.

"So how are you settling in so far?" this came from the purple haired girl, I think her name's Aspin. At least I'm sure that's what she called herself. So many names were whirling around in my head and matching the names to the faces was just hit and miss. I was almost certain the statuesque green-eyed girl with the purple hair streaked with chunky black was Aspin. Her last name was lost to me. Then again, how many teenagers deal with surnames? Unless you're like Mariah, who demands the surnames of her crushes so she can tell if her name would sound good when married to them… She's so odd, I know.

"Ah, it's not as bad as I thought. I had visions of being shunned, ya know, just nightmare type thoughts."

"It's just school, why care so much?"

Miyami nudged the blood redhead violently so she hissed and growled at the silver haired girl. I had to admit, the girl with the thick Dublin accent made a good point. Why did I care so much? I had my cousins, and I had Shahero who wasn't likely to desert me. I was better off than most people were.

"You're right, school is no big deal and it's not as if I won't be going home each and every day."

"'xactly. Sure, y'r only spendin' six 'ours 'ere."

"Russia, here, spends the whole day counting down the hours." Aspin informed me helpfully.

"Counting down the hours until she can meet up with Zareth ya mean." Shahero muttered causing Russia to glare at her.

"Who's Zareth?"

All the girls blinked at me. Had I said the wrong thing?

"You mean you haven't spotted 'sex-on-legs' yet?" Miyami queried.

I shook my head. "I don't think so…" the only person who'd been referred to that so far had been that person Kai.

"He was in English with us, sitting beside Russia. They have this whole, 'we're just friends' thing going on but no one's fooled." Shahero said leisurely stretching and scanning the hall, moving her foot as a table tennis ball rolled to a stop by her.

"I'm Arista, by the way. I don't think I've had a class with you yet." This came from the silver haired girl with dark navy eyes; they were so blue, that they were almost black. For most of the conversation she'd been playing with the game boy she held in her hands. Her hair was about as metallic looking as Miyami's but it fell in a cascade to her elbows with gold tips. I'd once done that to my hair but I streaked it because Mariah said the gold would bring out my eyes, well whatever. Arista's complexion was peaches and cream, it's the only way to describe it. Her eyes stand out in stark contrast, so dark compared to the lightness of the rest of her. She wore an over sized shirt that was open over a t-shirt and a pair of black trousers.

I waved at her. "What're you playing?"

"Super Mario." she replied.

I moseyed closer to her and peeked over her shoulder to watch the short little man with the cap hit a mushroom and double in size speeding along the flat platform and jumping over the gaps.

"I'm hungry." Sonia spoke up. "Does anyone feel like walking up to the canteen with me?"

"I would, but Zareth and Hans have just entered and I really just want to watch them flirt."

"Who? Hans and Zareth?"

"Oh Shahero! Ew! That is so wrong!" Sonia exclaimed.

"I meant Russia and Zareth, not Hans and Zareth!"

"We do not flirt."

"You do."

"Don't."

"Do."

"And they say I'm the immature one in the family."

I glanced at Arista surprised, while my gaze sought out 'Sex-on-legs'. "You're related to Miyami?"

"Cousins on my dad's side."

Which would explain the hair colour, I decided. Finally, I think I spotted him. A tall guy, and by tall, I mean tall and lanky, but in a good way, was meandering his way lazily through the crowds of boys who were quite shorter than him. His hair was black and fell into his eyes and his face was… yeah sex-on-legs really works for this guy.

"Are you finished drooling yet Ams?"

I glanced over and stuck my tongue out at a laughing Shahero as my face heated. However, I gave him one last glance over before replying. "Ok now I'm finished. Oh my god, is that Hitoshi?"

The effect on Shahero was perfect. She jumped and immediately became alert, her eyes darting this way and that like a rabbit in search of danger. "Where?" she yelped and I couldn't help but smirk evilly. I had perfected the Mariah Tanaka evil smirks for evil geniuses during my eleventh summer when she, Mystel and I engaged in a prank war with Li, Mariah's stiff older brother. Supposedly, the whole thing had started with him showing his friends her panties… Oh god, that brings a completely new meaning to stiff older brother that I never even contemplated when I was eleven. I was so innocent and uncorrupted. In fact, thinking back on it, I doubt Li even did that because he was excessively respectful and stoic. More than likely, Mariah had made it up and I'd been too distracted by my parents splitting up to cop on to it, I'd just been grateful for the distraction. God, I missed them both so much.

"That wasn't funny."

"Oh yes it was, you jumped two stories." Aspin laughed.

"Sure Shahero isn' even 'alf a storey." Russia joined in.

"C'mon guys, I'm hungry."

"You whined!"

The way Arista accused Sonia of complaining made me think it was a sin for Sonia to do so. Like she was breaking one of the commandments. Possibly the eleventh one, 'Thou shalt not whine'. Especially if your name is Sonia and you're the head girl.

"Sorry, but I get narky when I don't get any food."

Narky? Hmm, made sense. Claude always got irksome when he didn't get anything to eat and he was always in control of his emotions since he figured he was the protector of us girls. The fact that Mariah either scared most of the bullies, or had them under her thumb didn't seem to faze Claude at all.

"Come on Sonia, I'll go up with you. I'm kind of hungry anyway."

"Buy something from the tuck shop." Shahero suggested with a shrug.

Sonia and I exchanged a glance and I felt an immediate connection with this studious redhead. "Shahero, I actually prefer to eat _food _at lunch time, not sweets."

"Could've had crisps."

I rolled my eyes at my friends muttering but saying nothing, I followed Sonia out the fire exit, which had to be bumped with her hip in order to jar it open. We stepped out onto a paved pathway bordered by green foliage and bright sunshine yellow flowers that reminded me of Mystel's smile. It always lit up a room. I plucked one delicately from a nearby plant and looked up into the cornflower blue sky that was as deep and vivid as Mystel's… everything reminded me of him. I sighed wistfully.

"Why did you go?" I whispered softly. "Why did you have to take _him_?"

"Are you ok?"

I blinked rapidly and struggled for composure. For a girl who could take rocks thrown at her stomach and not so much as shed a tear, it was weird to constantly be so close to tears yet at the same time, there wasn't really anything to cry about. Mystel was gone; it was just something I had to deal with. He wasn't physically here, he wouldn't ever touch me again, he-

"_Stop!_"

I started and pinched the bridge of my nose, inhaling and exhaling shakily. I bit my lip and tried to reign in my emotions. I'd been so worried that someone would tell everyone at school that my boyfriend was dead and that they'd treat me delicately but what was better? Them treating me as if I'm fragile or treating me like a complete loony bin for bursting into tears constantly? I wanted to be normal, I wanted everything to go back to how it was, but how could it ever go back? Mystel was right, now was not the time for living in the past. I had to keep my chin up and not show my pain. I'd been able to do it before; I could do it now.

"Amber?"

I shook my head and mustered up a smile for Sonia. "I'm ok, just the sun's bright."

"You're complaining about the sun being bright?" Sonia raised a brow in disbelief. "I'd rather the sun than the rain. I must have been miserable for months when I first came here from Australia. At first, the rain was a novelty, so wet, cool, and fresh, and then it became dreary, grey, and bothersome. You couldn't go out shopping in it because you'd come back soaked through."

I grinned. "Me and my friend Mariah invited our new friend Mathilda out shopping with us once, but the day we were due to go out, it was raining and she said she wouldn't go out because of the rain. Which was stupid, as Mariah soon told her, because if we said that every time it rained here in Ireland, we'd never go anywhere."

Sonia laughed. "Yeah that's exactly it. You just have to get used to it or be put under house arrest, but I like Ireland. Sometimes in the winter, you get a piece of all weathers. Sunshine, rain, fog, snow, sleet, winds… everything. You don't get that in Australia, it's monotonous sometimes."

"So's the rain." I quipped dryly as we passed a group of teachers sitting on the concrete steps.

"I know; it's so horribly dull in winter. However, you get use to it I guess. I suffered SAD for at least three years after coming to Ireland."

"How long have you been here?"

"7 years."

"You don't really have an accent."

She nodded in agreement and made a face. "I'm one of those people who pick up accents really easily. Leave me alone for ten minutes with a farmer and I'll be talking with that real broad Irish accent for a couple of hours after. Same with Londoners and Americans. I just pick up the accent and mine becomes lost, but on certain words, ya know, it comes out. And I still say G'day at times." She flushed slightly embarrassed it seems for her babbling. I actually enjoyed it.

Feeling a tension in my head, I tugged out the band that had been holding it back and shook it out so it spilt around my shoulders. "Do you like Ireland?"

She bobbed her head. "Well yeah it's great, but it was such a culture shock to come here. I mean so much of Ireland is rooted in religion and while part of that's good, there's so much that isn't. Like every night, you sit down and someone turns on the news and you hear about a couple being attacked in their home because they're both of different religions or you hear about someone being dragged out of their home and shot because they're catholic. Then the next night, the IRA are like, well you killed a Catholic, we have to kill a Protestant. It's so medieval and primal." her voice conveyed her distress as she floundered to find the word that portrayed her distress. "It's uncivil!"

Despite the seriousness of this conversation, I couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out. "Well that's one way of describing it. Uncivil." I tried the word out on my tongue and chuckled until she silenced me with a long look that conveyed that she was not amused. I swallowed my laughter then sobered. "You're very right, but you gotta admit Sonia, you get used to it, don't ya?"

She nodded solemnly. "And that's the worst part of it. You do get used to it. If someone's shot, no one bats an eyelid anymore. It's inhumane but as long as it's not you or yours; no one cares."

I sighed; she made a very good point that sickened me. I only was outraged when I thought about it, most of the time I placed everything to the back of my mind. However, despite all this, I actually enjoy the Orange parades, no matter the chaos they cause. It's part of my culture, just as the Hibernian is part of some Catholic's culture. It just pisses me off slightly when no one raises any noise when they have parades, we get a parades commission telling us where we can march and now where the spectators can watch… I shook my head and thought of something cheerier, there were no parades until July so there was no point dwelling on this. "So what else do you like about Ireland?"

She smiled slightly, turning her head to look at a group of senior boys playing basketball in their uniforms with younger boys. "I like how small and quaint the country is. I like how it's steeped in tradition. I like going for tours in the car in the summer with my family and spotting thatched cottages in the hillsides. I like the farms even though the big farms are nothing compared to the ones in Australia that could have up to a couple of thousand acres. I like the farmer boy's speech and slang even though sometimes I still can't understand it. And I like how laid back everything is, even though it frustrates me endlessly when teachers refuse to teach us."

I smiled softly at how affectionately she spoke of this alien world. "I like all that too." I decided.

She flashed me a grin in return and we headed into the canteen. I followed her as she led us past the groups of people eating and the small clusters of students standing talking. While I followed, my eyes wandered over the mural on the back wall by the clock. It was a large blue hypnotic whirl with sea waves around it. It was very cool looking. In the corners the speakers were blasting out music to the masses, listening carefully I identified it as something by 'Korn'. It wasn't as stifling hot as it had been and I realized that was because someone had thrown the fire exit, which took up most of the East wall, open to allow the sunshine to spill in. A group of girls were leaning against the railings outside it. I spotted Tala laughing and talking to Johnny who was soaking napkins and chucking them in various directions. Kai was leaned back in his chair lazily watching Johnny from under his lids. Ming-Ming was talking to a dark haired girl and a bluenette. She caught my eye and waved cheerily. I wiggled my fingers back at her and turned back to Sonia who was now standing on the barrier behind the crowd of people pushed against the counter.

"Enrique?"

"Yeah?" I heard the shout from the blond but I couldn't see him.

"Can you get me a hotdog and I'll pay you when you come out?"

"Sure."

"Amber do you want anything?" She asked turning to me.

"Uh yeah a hotdog sounds good and a Dracula too please." I told her as I rooted through my pockets for my wallet, which contained my valued money.

Sonia relayed the order back to Enrique then she jumped down to my side, dusting off her hands on her skirt. "So what's a Dracula?"

"An ice-pop. Black cola flavour coating, strawberry puree centre and apricot ice-cream bottom, all on a stick."

She made a face that I recognized as disgust since I saw it quite a lot of my friends faces when Michael and me ordered it every summer since it had been produced. I was about to tell her she should try it when something shoved into me. I stumbled and caught Sonia to steady myself. Two hands caught my shoulder.

"Sorry Benz."

I looked over my shoulder at Tala and I noticed Kai walking for the exit, Tala followed soon after. "Oh don't mind me I'm just here for decoration!" I snapped glaring heatedly after the two toned bluenette.

"Y'r not lost again are y'?"

I glanced back at Johnny as he passed me by and shot me a grin. "No I'm fine!"

He tossed me a wink over his shoulder. "Oh yes, you are!"

I laughed and flipped him the bird before turning back to Sonia with what I believed was a silly grin plastered over my face that I couldn't seem to get rid off. It wasn't because of the comment but the wink reminded me of Michael and the grin of Mystel when they were trying to encourage me to play soccer with them.

Sonia shook her head. "Those guys are just plain weird. Every girl has a thing for them because they aren't farmer boys."

"How nice for them." I replied with a shake of my head; looking up when Enrique vaulted the barrier and slung his arms casually over both Sonia's and my shoulders with hands filled with food.

"Hey new girl."

"Hey Turtle."

"Am I missing something?"

"Yeah Enrique's very cool turtle socks." I told her as I plucked my food out of his hands. "How much was that Turtle?"

"That was… ugh just give me a €uro and I'll forget the rest."

Sonia frowned. "Did they put the prices up again, Enri?"

He nodded as I forked over my euro and dropped it into his open palm. "5 cent every term, Sonia, you gotta do something about it, 'cos we're not millionaires and I'm not going to work in the canteen."

"Students work in the canteen?" I rose onto my tiptoes and tried to peer over the sea of heads.

"Yup, mostly prefects but some students do too. You get free lunch and a small wage." Sonia informed me. "I'd have to do it if I wasn't doing tuck shop instead."

"What days?" Enrique asked sidling closer to her with a charming smile on his face.

"I'm not giving you free food Enri, you pay for it yourself."

I grinned listening to them banter and felt an overwhelming feeling that maybe I could fit in here. Enrique, Sonia, Johnny, Miyami and the other girls all seemed friendly. Not to mention Tala. In addition, I had family here. Yeah I'd be good here.

* * *

When the bell rang I followed the masses, ok mainly Ming-Ming (who'd collected me in the canteen) to History. This was the class I was looking forward to and dreading the most. I love History with a passion but I was going to be so far behind everyone else, it was almost scary. How I'd pass through this, I didn't know. The History classroom I discovered was in the assembly hall almost directly opposite the corridor past the tuck shop. When we got there, the boys at the table tennis tables were clearing off to class, crisps and crumbs were scattered every where while school bags were deserted by the red radiator beside the official entrance to the assembly hall.

"Oh this is going to be so cool having you in my class." Ming-Ming gushed bubbly.

I smiled at her as I looked around to see who else was in this class. There was Oliver from my maths class, the guy with the purple hair that was Ruin's friend, Kai, a silvery blue haired guy. As we stood there by the wooden door, I heard a jiggling sound and a short, stocky man walked up briskly in a pair of baggy pants and a woollen v-neck sweater over a yellowish shirt. His hair was black, thick and curly, his eyes were small and sunken, his was somewhat large nose, and a black moustache hid his mouth. There were laughter lines around his eyes and his moustache twitched as he smiled at us.

"_I get a good feeling about him_."

That's nice Mystel.

His eyes landed on me as he shoved his key into the door. He offered me a smile but his eyes were bewildered, and then he stepped back as the door opened and I was carried in by the group. I followed Ming-Ming taking a seat near her as the others took their own seats. Oliver sat opposite me, the purple and silvery blue haired guy sat near the top of the row of desks which had been pushed together to form two blocks of 16. With there only being six of us in the class, the room seemed painfully empty. The light was dull; the blue sky casting in a blue light that the white plaster stonewalls and grey desk surfaces reflected.

As the teacher entered he flipped the lights on, there was a buzz then the clink as the fluorescent lights blinked, flickered then flooded the room with light. It was a snug room, hexagonal in shape like the rest of the school. Windows covered one wall, with the lower half sporting a red radiator and the wall beside it, behind me had a black board. Beside that was a wall with a red notice board and cupboards lining it. Next to it was another wall with a red notice board and the door was in between it and the next wall, which had cupboards and shelves that hosted books and books on various topics. Finally, behind the teacher's desk was another black board with a map covering it and chalked on the board was words I recognized as French. Before lunch, another teacher must have been using the room.

"Ok chaps, and girls, two this year." the teacher began cheerily rubbing his hands together as he took a seat beside Oliver instead of sitting by the teachers desk. He seemed very informal and the students were at ease with him, so the bigger butterflies that were fluttering around in my stomach dispersed.

"So we'll…where's Ian? Isn't he still doing this class? And Kai don't sit so far away." he said and with a reluctant sigh Kai moved from his spot.

"I saw Ian in the canteen earlier, but haven't seen him since."

I looked up startled out of listening to Ming-Ming as I felt the chair beside me being pulled out and Kai thumped into the chair beside me.

"Kai what was wrong with that seat beside Garland?"

Kai grunted something but I couldn't hear it and I was right beside him, but one thing was for sure the guy did smell nice.

"Ok, now Amber, it is Amber isn't it?"

I nodded an affirmative wondering how he knew my name but figured he'd have to have been briefed on my history problem.

"Which Benson are you?"

"Huh?" Man I am the queen of articulate responses. What would be interesting would be to actually count how many times I say 'huh' a day.

"Who's your father Amber?"

"Oh, James."

He nodded silently. "I know him-" he broke off as the door swung open and a figure fell into the room. "Ian! You're late and it's only the first day back!"

Ian, who was a short stocky boy with narrowed eyes that seemed to glint red and short thick navy hair and a prominent nose, just nodded at the teacher and took a seat beside Oliver opposite Kai. "Sorry, lost me bag."

I glanced at Kai. "That seems to be a common ailment in this school."

"Who the hell are you?" Ian demanded obviously not pleased that I'd opened my mouth. Well he had better get used to it, I have open mouth syndrome as Mystel and Claude termed it, I can't shut it once it gets flapping.

"Could ask you the same thing."

Mr. History Teacher cleared his throat. "Excuse me. Now can we please get this class started? We still have more than half a course to get through and we don't have time to sit back and gossip like auld women. First, Amber, I'm Mr. Shallow. Now this history class is relatively informal, if you have a point to make feel free to make it as long as it pertains to the subject at hand. I noticed you did Ancient History?"

I nodded. "Yeah we figured it would cause less controversy in the class."

He frowned. "Do you think with tutoring you could catch up?"

"Yeah no problem."

"Well Oliver could you tutor Amber in European History?"

Oliver nodded rewarding me with a bright smile that made his already feminine face light up. He seriously reminded me of an elf. His eyes were large and a beautiful shade of lavender, heavily lashed with those spiky lashes that all women try to achieve with mascara. His nose was small and tilted, his chin delicately pointed and his mouth full and crimson and with the thick luxurious mane of lime green hair, he was so pretty. I studied him seriously and wondered if he was gay, there was just something about him that I couldn't quite put my finger on but… maybe it was because he didn't try to make himself look masculine. Could be that he was just very effeminate. Either way, I was glad he hadn't raised a fuss and was willing to help me out.

"Anybody else willing to volunteer and help out? Robert?"

"I'm on the debate team this year but I can give her photo copies of my notes on Germany if she'd like them and Oliver could go through them."

"Since he's the only one who can read Roberts tiny writing without using a magnifying glass." Ming-Ming teased.

"Thank you Robert."

"Yeah thanks." I added; no need to seem ungrateful.

"Russia and Stalin? Kai."

"No."

I rolled my eyes at his out and out refusal, was he trying to be a git?

"I'll help in anything but that, Stalin was a pig and I'm not going through that shit again."

"Kai watch your language. Garland?"

"Can't got hockey practice for the foreseeable future but I'll help her out with my history essays."

"You wrote essays for Ancient History, right Amber?"

"Yup."

"Could you bring one or two in so I can see your style?"

"No problem… that is if I can find them." I think Mystel has, had, half of them since every time I got one back I tried to throw it in the trash and he would rescue it.

"Ian?"

"What?"

"Are you-?"

"I'll tutor her in Russian History, or what I can remember of it." Ming-Ming offered.

All these different people tutoring me was going to confuse me in the end up. I would be better with just one person and leave it at that.

"You got a D in your Russian essay." Ian sneered.

"Well Ian since you said that you can help Amber with it."

"I can tutor her in all aspects of European history." Oliver volunteered.

I eagerly nodded. "I like that idea."

"Well if you're all in agreement, I have no qualms with it." Everyone seemed to be relieved with this idea and nodded gratefully. "Ok then Oliver you and Amber can sort out when you want to meet up and for that you'll be receiving an A for effort in your report card."

"Woot." Ming-Ming quipped dryly.

"I'll find something to reward you Oliver."

"That sounds wrong."

"Teacher and student relations are against the rules sir, naughty, naughty." Ian piped up with an evil leer. Shallow chuckled while Oliver blushed either with humiliation or for some other reason I couldn't tell.

"Now let's see. We're in here for a double on Monday after lunch, once on Tuesday morning and Thursday morning before and after break. Five classes each week, that should be enough to get through this course if we don't get distracted by things such as who won pop idol or what happened on Corrie last night." he looked directly at Ming-Ming and Oliver.

Once again, the door opened and Hitoshi entered. Shallow did a double take and then raised a brow. "Hitoshi, what are you doing here?"

"I wonder how many times he's been asked that today."

I looked at Kai and nodded in agreement. Must be tough to be Hitoshi.

"I couldn't get enough of the school, so I decided to do another year," he said. "Sorry I'm late, had to help Kaye with a few things."

It was then I noticed something that made me blink in disbelief. Hitoshi was a prefect? Holy shit! Shahero's fighting with a prefect, why am I not surprised.

"Not a problem. But I thought you were going to Queens."

"I didn't get enough points." he replied with a careless shrug moving to take a seat beside Kai, flicking Ming-Ming's hair as he passed and she giggled. "So I'm back to make it up."

"Ok, well this year we'll be concentrating on Irish History, which I know for the first term, will bore you to tears. It deals with the land laws and the events that lead up to Home Rule. Next term we'll be dealing with the 1916 rising, the civil war and the formation of the partition, the beginnings of the IRB and the Orange Order, the Dáil and how we came to have our first president. It's difficult and often times boring because, more than anything this course will be dealing with the politics of Ireland. However, it's worth it and sometimes it's very interesting. Therefore, shall we get started? Amber you can acquire the books… actually Ming-Ming go and snag Mrs. Harvey and ask her to send me the History books before the fourth years get them all. And Amber you can pay me later."

I nodded while Ming-Ming got to her feet and sauntered out of the classroom. There was definitely a deliberate sway to her hips when she walked and I figured it was for Kai's benefit but he missed it because he and Ian were engaged in a game of footsie. Maybe Oliver isn't the gay one, could be Kai, Ian…, and ick! Ick! Ick!

"Amber, are you ok?"

I stopped banging my head against the table and smiled weakly at Mr. Shallow who was watching me as though he expected me to do something insane any minute. Well I already have a dead boyfriend haunting me, can I get any more insane?

"Ok let's get started then."

* * *

An hour or more later, it was the end of the day and I was waiting for Shahero outside of the girl's locker rooms while she looked for her jacket. We were going to head down to wait for the bus. I meant to ask her earlier if she was friends with Kai because I couldn't for the life of me understand why he had given out to me, unless it was so that he'd have a chance to make Ming-Ming notice him. Hmm, a smile tugged at my lips. Ah, so Mr. Stoic wasn't trying to be an arsehole, though he played the role beautifully, -it was incredibly believable- he was just trying to get closer to Ming-Ming. How very sweet in that 'little boy pulling the girls hair in the playground' type of way.

I slipped my hand into my pocket, produced my cherry lip balm and applied it as I looked around the almost empty corridor. Hard to believe that, six hours or so ago, I'd entered through those doors over there feeling very alone and depressed. Now I felt that this school might not be so bad. I could fit in here but it wouldn't be the same and I wouldn't expect it to be.

I looked round at the burst of male laughter followed by footsteps on the stairs to the basement and voices. A second later, Tala, Johnny and Kai appeared with their bags on their backs and their jumpers shoved into said bags. Sighing, I turned my attention back to the painting on the wall opposite me. A student had done it, and there was… a dead earwig inside. Gross.

Grimacing I hitched my bag on my shoulder. "Shahero Kaeto hurry your ass up and get out here because there's a dead earwig in the picture opposite me and it's grossing me out."

"Well don't look at it then!" Shahero shouted back.

"How gross is it?"

"Don't ya mean 'ow dead is it?" Russia asked Miyami.

I shook my head and sighed, even though the smile played on my lips. Shahero's friends were weird but in a good way.

"I don't see any earwig."

"Oh look t'ere it is."

Hearing and recognizing the voices, I peeked over at Tala and Johnny who were huddled round the picture frame in order to get in a closer inspection. Kai wore a bored expression as he stood with his back to the wall and his eyes closed with his arms folded. As though sensing my gaze, his eyes opened and caught mine before I quickly averted them, ashamed at being caught staring at him. Even though I hadn't been technically staring at him because I hadn't been, I'd just looked at him but he would think I was staring. Or maybe not. I don't understand guys or how their minds work.

"It's got no legs."

"Yeah it does, t'ere t'ey are."

"Where?"

"Along de bottom, t'ey fell off!" Johnny snickered and despite the cruelty of it, I had to admit it was funny. How many earwigs lose their legs?

"Oh yeah, look at them."

"What are you doing?"

We all looked up at the new voice as Miyami stood at the entrance to the girls locker room, hand braced on her hip and the other on the strap of her bag. She raised a brow and shook her head. "On second thoughts, I really don' wanna know."

"Is Shahero coming yet?"

"Yeah she'll be out in a second or so." she replied sliding to the floor and plucking the sleeve of her sweater. "Where are you guys going?"

"Heading up town, if we're not back in time keep the bus for us, ok?" Tala asked.

"Aye but if you're not back in time, then I can't guarantee that Charlie'll not leave without ya."

"Are y' girls stayin' down at de gate?"

"S'pose. It's too warm to go up town."

"Don't complain about the heat, crying out loud, y'll all be whining about the rain when it comes." I groaned stifling a yawn.

"Long day Benz?"

I rewarded Tala with a tired smile. "Something like that."

"Are you going to be out on the moor this evening?"

I nodded. "You?"

"Yeah. Maybe I'll see ya up there."

I nodded again, too tired to do anything else.

"God y'r all a bunch lazy arsed gits!"

"Someone glare at her for me." Miyami ordered sleepily then she growled as Russia began to kick her lightly. "OK, someone help me up."

Shahero and Arista caught her outstretched hands and yanked her up, moving out of the way when she leapt to her feet.

"So are we heading down or what?" Shahero demanded as she tied back her hair.

"We're heading down, and the boys are heading up town."

"I'm 'eadin' 'ome. See y'all later." We waved bye to Russia as she left the school building.

Shahero cast the boys an inquisitive look. "Are you really heading up town or is that code for something else?"

"We're heading up town." Johnny clarified.

"Hey where's Aspin and Sonia?" I suddenly wondered aloud. I hadn't seen them since lunchtime.

"Aspin's bus comes early and Sonia had a prefect meeting to see what's going to happen when the rest of the school comes back tomorrow."

"Ah right." we headed out of the darkened building and into the blinding light that streamed down from the sun which bleached the white shirts the boys wore as they walked in front of us talking in hushed tones. It wasn't all that different from my old school. I mean this group of friends were like my group of friends, the only difference being that my group were all in the same form and Shahero's group came from various classes with the majority being in 6T.

"Did Hitoshi get you back?" Arista suddenly asked Shahero who nodded.

She scowled and absently ran a hand over her hair. "Yeah as I was walking past the woodwork room he popped out of the safety door with a handful of sawdust," she growled viciously. "But I plan to scratch his beloved car."

Miyami sighed. "He'll kill you for it. Attacking his hair and his car, Shahero you're asking for trouble."

"I don't need to ask for trouble, I am trouble."

"With a capital T!" Arista piped up.

"So for a first day, it wasn't so bad was it Ams?"

I shook my head, rearranging my blouse collar for the umpteenth time and admiring the shade coming from the shelter. "Surprisingly not, though Balkov could sure pass as the demon headmaster from hell."

"Ugh, ignore him, we all do. Dickinson was nice but he's retired. Mrs. King wanted to be headmistress but then Balkov comes in from nowhere and steals the job out from under her. I can't see how that happened and how Kaye got the VP job over King." Arista frowned. "Mrs. King would have the experience, not that I'd want her as VP either, but experience wise she should have got the job."

I watched her musings and wondered if the rest were understanding this or finding it as amusing as I did and catching the way the boys were looking over their shoulders at her and how Miyami was nodding in an attempt to be serious, I figured they did.

We walked out into the sunshine passing students minus their jumpers and holding ice creams.

"I want an ice cream." Arista declared abruptly cutting off her monologue.

"They only serve vanilla Ari; you'd have to go up town to get a butterscotch ripple cone."

"Then I shall go up town. Oy, Kai I'm coming with you."

Tala looked over his shoulder. "Yeah? You're coming together are you?"

The second meaning to that clicked in my mind before anyone else's and I blamed Mariah, she had a sick and twisted mind and she corrupted me so much when I was young. I definitely needed to talk to her. I wanted to know how school was without me, was Davis a total bitch, did Tegan think that she could be a total bitch now Mariah didn't have anyone to tag team her with… I'd never thought about it, but this had to be weird for Mari too and Mattie. There were classes where I'd been relieved because at least I'd had Mari or Mattie with me, otherwise I'd have been alone, but now with me gone that meant they'd be in classes on their own. I hope they were ok. I'm sure Mari would be fine because she was outgoing and up beat and everyone liked her. Mattie was shyer because she was used to everyone sheltering her and treating her like she was younger, which she wasn't. She was just the newest to our group, our group that I was no longer apart of. I sighed, oh well. I could see them later and Mari said she'd be on Msn later.

"Sick, sick, sick, sick!" Arista chanted as she continuously slapped Tala over the head with what looked to be a sketchpad. None of the boys made a move to pull her off him and Miyami was just chuckling. Shahero was oddly silent, looking over her shoulder for something.

"Something wrong?"

"I saw blue."

"Great, 'cos most people see red, blue is much more calming."

"She means Hitoshi." Miyami chimed in.

"You're obsessed."

"You didn't go to class with wood shavings on your head."

"I didn't throw a dirty sponge at his hair either."

"He deserved it."

"Why?"

"He breathed." Miyami muttered under her breath and I chuckled, swallowing it when Shahero glared darkly at me.

"I'm sorry?"

She flipped me off and walked over the cattle grid, I took the safe way via the walkway and joined the group of students all milling in their little clique's waiting for their ways home. I listened to the shouts of laughter, the jeering and smiled softly.

I don't know what caused me to look down to the narrow left gap of the ice-cream van, if I hadn't then maybe my day would have been different, but I did. And there he was…

**

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And thus ends chapter three of Taken For Granted. Please feel free to leave a review. No complaints about the cliffie, please, since I'm not one for using them very often, now am I? Though feel free to try and guess, Arcada and Coors, no spoiling the plot. Fabiha and Sarah, I have an inkling that you two will guess it, so no trying spoil it. You may chance a guess in an email.**

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Well guys hope you enjoy. Oh and please check out my fic with Midnight Insanity. The link can be found in my bio or under the pen name: Midnight Gems**

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**Leina:** Kai was there, he walked into the classroom and was never seen again. I think the people who stole his bag, stole him and then deposited him in the canteen.

**Paris Super Girls:** She wasn't being perverted, she was having an opinion, lol. Kai was squeezing past her desk and his ass was pressed up against her desk, she had no choice but to notice. Well maybe your friend isn't a bitch but some people named Ciara are and Amber's just going on the Ciara she knows. I never noticed that Mariah phoned after Rei was mentioned and I'm writing it... How weird. Yeah Mariah and Rei will get together, believe me. And Shahero and Hitoshi as well. Lol, I'd disagree with when my chapters aren't good, because there are days when some are just a whole lot better than others.

**nise-anjel:** Oh reading is so much better, you can realax and get immersed in the story and you don't have to do any thinking or any of the hard work. But when I ran out of things to read, then I had to write my own stuff. As for the long chapters, meh, I don't know, I just start writing and some days I could write ten pages in one go and still only be a third way through. I feel I have to write long chapters now, because short ones just don't satisfy me.

**BlackMoonSky0000:** Yeah nerves are a killer when you're in a strange place on your own. But if you just be yourself, then you should be ok. Ah well, it will be explained later in the story just how Mystel died but Amber doesn't like to think about it when Mystel is haunting her. Racism does suck. I don't think there will ever be peace, the human race wants to be better than others too much, they'll always find something to quarrel about. I won't give any of my stories up, well not this one or SLTS. Yeah they made a mistake with L/H but I like my other stories better.

**Chikaitou-411:** Aw thankies. I'm glad you like this story. Oh it's nothing to do with Harry Potter. It's part of the school system in Ireland. We have prefects and a head Boy and Girl, usually students who have a well rounded ciriculum, in other words being smart and on the sports team.

**ArcadaAvalon:** Aw sucks you didn't get to see it. How far ahead of us are you? Last ep I saw, it was the one where the four of them got stuck in the mall over night. Yeah I love that song too, but my favorite at the moment is 'Stand by me' and 'Lucky' by Bif Naked. Yeah I'll get to giving chapter one a title, if I can think of one, lol. :grins: Glad you liked that piece. I just like the sentence, getting high on dead boy fumes, kind of icky but funny.

**Grandsummon:** Yo-ho Sarah! God really gets screwed up sometimes, I swear there are days and you just know somethings up with it but they take no responsibilty for it. Well done on your China Report by the way. Ah, yes the love begins when you look at a boys butt...:raises brow sardonically: I still don't get females obsessions with asses, I prefer eyes, lol. Of course you overwhelm me in a good way. Oh man, we never had a horse riding thingy... I never even knew we had a swim team until the last term of my last year... As you can see, I was filled with school spirit. Oh my god, when people put their trust in me I usually let them down...I hope to god I don't let you down with Amber and Kai once again their relationship will be different in this too, lol. I love messing with these two. I don't think there's been anyone serious for Kai before, he doesn't strike me as the type to fall in love easily and he's very young. Um, Shahero didn't know Amber's time table so she didn't know Amber was in her English class and since Amber was late, she had to take her usual seat with Russia. If Amber had sat on her own, I'm sure Shahero would have moved. I missed Mariah too. :wails: Yeah Ruin and Tala aren't the best of friends, too different. Yes that song so reminds me of Ruin too, or sometimes Miyami but mainly Ruin. LOL Enrique, he's just too cool to ignore. Hitoshi, yeah he has guts, seven years at secondary school, must want that college place bad. God, I feel so sorry for First years. For some reason at my school, they buy the biggest bags and then they hunch over so they look like turtles and they don't leave them down. They take them every where they go. We didn't get trousers until my last year and the trousers were really horrible material, like the same material as the pinafore... yeah we had a royal blue pinafore. Ian has entered! He's great, lol!

**Studio Sprite:** Lol, Amber is great fun to write about. I'll try to keep up this standard. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

**Destructive Habit:** Well Amber is slightly on her own, so she will be defensive and she's missing her own friends, but she's warming up. Not such a bad idea, I should review while reading chapters, that way I'll have something to say. I know how icky it feels when you just can't think of anything to say.

**ButterCup: **Thankies. Glad you like this story.

**Miss Wright: **Oh I rarely use cliffies, usually because one chapter is based on one month and the next chapter will be a month later so the cliffie wouldn't be able to flow very well. Oh god I'm sure she'll be snapping at loads of people or being deemed insane before the end of the year. Lol. Miyami is uber cool, she can tell you you're being a bitch without you taking offence. And more Kai in this chapter, he'll come in more around the fifth chapter.

**Twerp:** LOL, now I have an idea for a money making scheme. Look out world, Zadien is here! Lol, I think my worship statue should be gold and not naked but with skimpy clothes and they can use Aphrodite for a muse... Hmm... Oh I'm constantly writing something, so I really won't stop posting unless I am dead, which is a scary morbid thought, so let's move on. It was either they fainted from reading it for days straight or because they were shocked by the shower scene. LOL!

**G--b-S-t-E-r07: **Cool reading my chapter in Italy, man I want to travel but I'm afraid I'd step of the plane in some place warm and sunny and shrivel up and die of heat. We don't get much in Ireland but to compensate we get very mild winters, so it's not too bad. Yeah I hate beginning chapters, so much description and setting the scene but then you move on from that and it's like... oh great now I need a plot, dammit! But don't worry, I have a plot. It just might take a while for it to become evident. Need to build characters and lives and shit first. Amber's just scared and she hides when she's scared. But Miyami was very right, and you begin to see a bit more of the Amber we all know and love turning up soon. Johnny and Tala were very cool, but those two rock anyways. I think Kai thinks the breed like rabbits comment but it suits the Bensons' so well. Ah well, see in Ireland we only have two main religions. Ireland was all Catholic, until the Queen of England tried to take it over and she was Protestant. She only managed to completely control Ulster, the North of Ireland which is why there is the Republic of Ireland and the North of Ireland. So the Irish wanted to keep Ireland for themselves and they wanted the English to leave. Now almost a century later, the rivallry between the two groups is still evident between the Catholics and Protestants. That's a very weak show of how it all happened and the divisions isn't very prominent in other parts of Ireland, just in Northern Ireland where there is still fighting. I'll discuss it more in the History class. Hope you aren't confused by that. Glad you like this and SLTS.

**Alexys: **Man everyone seems to be changing their names, maybe I should try that...Nah I'm too lazy. I'm very glad you like this one too.

**Moi: **I agree, this one is more down to earth but I'm not sure if it's more serious. I dunno, there's just something about writing about home that makes it more real and therefore less like a teen movie, lol. Though I adore SLTS too much to ever think of giving it up.

**WindWitch**: Lol, the socks thing was cool but it is an actual rule at my old school. You had to wear the correct colour socks. LOL, yeah snapping at Johnny wasn't one of her brightest moments. And Mystel's so gorgeous. Ruin was a bitch, and I'm sure Tala will beat her some other time, with those two it's just turn about. Well yeah it could only be one or the other. Miyami isn't in the same class as Shahero so they wouldn't stand together in assembly. Gordo was a bastard with that comment. LOL, yeah something every two weeks or so depending on my mood.

**Wanted:** Irish is the language of Ireland that people only learn by force. The Certs are the exams we do. The Junior Cert, is the exam people do at 15 in their third year, it covers all their previous years works. If they choose to leave school at 16, those are the exam scores employers will look at. They are also the scores Colleges will judge the student upon when they consider offering a student a place. The Leaving Cert is the exams the students do in their last year before they go to college or University. These are the grades that give students the points to get into certain Universities and colleges. The higher the grades, the bigger the points and the more colleges are open to them. Nothing is wrong with the Turtles, it's just boys are only supposed to wear plain black socks. Fenians is a insulting term for a Catholic, from history, they were a group of Irish men dedicated to Ireland being ruled by the Irish and not the Queen of England. Nazi's have nothing to do with Catholics. But I meant that they were against Jews and Gordo is against Catholics.

**Mike-x:** Hey buddy. Tala does not love himself! Man dear, you really don't like him. And yeah I'm sure Amber will settle in soon enough, what with Shahero and everything, it wouldn't be surprising. And here we go with Chapter Three, hope you like it.

**KaieshaKai:** Yeah I'm actually Irish, living in Ireland pretty near to where I've based this story. Ireland's not so bad, but it's nothing like living in America, it's so small and constricting at times. So I hope you like this story.

**Coors:** Yeah I know, I know. You and the others, are just as important to me too. It's the sheeps stupid fault for sticking its head into the square fencing, why not just eat the grass on the same side that it's on! LOL, we'll give you a parade for reviewing on time!

**Ryouya-Kyuuketsuki: **I hate doing anything new, it's just a horrible experience having to change what you're used to. Amber's day does get better, thankfully for her.

**eMiLy06: **Well Amber has it easier than most. After all, she's only moved to her family's home town, her stepsister goes there and has lots of friends and Shahero likes her, so it's not like that's going to cause trouble and her old friends don't live too far away so she can meet up with them every so often.

**Beyblade-gal:** I don't suppose you get over them, you sort of learn to live with it. I mean my grandmother died when I was five and I still think about her, wonder what she'd think of me. And my other grandparents died before I was born and I sometimes find myself thinking that maybe if they were alive, the family might have been closer. Yeah Amber has to let down the defenses but you can understand she's just scared and worried that if anyone else gets closer, she might lose them too.

**Midnight Insanity: **It just plain pisses me off at how people can use absolutely anything to fight over. Even soccer... Yeah she has Tala, couldn't have them not being friends. And I figured he'd call her Benny from the getgo, it would make the nick name stick better than if he just started calling her Amber and then started calling her Benny. Mystel is very easy to write, he doesn't seem to have any ulterior motives which I find refreshing. Yeah I keep making stupid typos, and my grammar is pretty crap, though it's the computer that puts in the extra apostrophes. Anyways, I'm glad you like this as much as I do.

**Insane Shapeshifter: **Oh Amber will be slightly out of character, well not out of character but her character won't be as chipper as it is in SLTS, due to her suffering such a great loss, but you will see her wittiness appearing soon enough. She can't help but be sarcastic and as soon as she warms to the people, then it will come through. As for Tala and Ruin, well it's kind of testy at the moment, but I'm sure things will start between them sooner or later.

**Tikytikytavvi101: **I guess, we had one player at our school that I knew about. Richard who was in a year below us, I think everyone of my friends liked him at some stage, even me but then I moved on and wised up. But he didn't play girls, so much as date them for a while then he's have another lined up. But towards my last year, he dated Anne and he was very obsessive over her, to a point where he went to her boarding home at 2 in the morning and phoned her and all her dorm mates to get her to come out. Kind of sweet in a weird way if it wasn't for the fact that she had her Leaving Certificate Exam the next morning and she needed the sleep. I adore Tala, he's so pretty and intelligent but he got a rough deal in the cartoon, going from gorgeous to weird looking in the space of a year, lol.


	4. The Bonds that last

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Beyblade. I do however own Amber Benson and Ruin Mulryan. Arista Belyaev belongs to ArcadaAvalon while Shahero Kaeto is Coors' and Miyami Kinomiya is Understudy's.

****

**A.N.:** Ah I'm back. The internet has been acting up here and I can't post as fast as I use to but I'm writing away as much as possible. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, it's really inspired me to keep writing now I just have to outline Amber and Kai's relationship because it's changed from the original line… :sighs:

Chapter Four: The Bonds that last

I stared at him in disbelief. I just wanted to do that thing they do in cartoons, where they rub their eyes in disbelief as though the image was burned on their eyeballs not just in front of you. I didn't rub my eyes but I blinked which was close then I frowned, tilted my head to the side and shifted my weight onto my right foot. Yep it wasn't my imagination; Brooklyn Adams was standing in front of me. Obviously not right in front of me, so maybe it could just be some guy who looked incredibly like Mystel's best friend, but I doubted it and I did vaguely recall him saying something about his college being in Letterkenny… no… please no…

I groaned audibly when he looked up and I knew, no matter how far away he was, that he'd spotted me and was waiting. I sighed and dragging my feet, I headed over to him, shoulders slumped and head bowed. Oh, this isn't fair.

"Hey, Amber, where are you going?"

"I gotta go Shahero."

"Where?"

I stopped and shoved my hair behind my ears. Taking a breath, I motioned to Brooklyn who was now ignoring the questioning looks he was receiving. "See the ginger tosser by the silver car?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

"Yeah, well that's an old acquaintance of mine and I gotta go say hello."

"That's Brooklyn Adams, or as we affectionately call him, Dicklyn. How do you know him?"

I frowned bewildered. "Uh, we went to school together. How do you know him?"

"He and Kai got in this nasty fight a while back, both ended up in hospital but no one will say what happened."

I stared at her surprised. For all of his terribly bastardly attributes, I don't ever remember him ever starting a fight, ever. He was usually docile, preferring to wind people up by not reacting to them and being pleasantly calm while they seethe, which was pretty much a big reason I never liked him. There was also the fact that he busted in on one or two, or three of my dates with Mystel, ruining them. There were other things, but I guess there wasn't any one thing that made me not like him. It was just a feeling in my gut that made me decide to dislike him and he never tried to make me like him, so we spent about three years hating each other. Then I was in Transition Year with Mystel and he went on to do fourth year and we never saw each other that much. Then he did his leaving cert and was gone. We barely saw him much.

"That doesn't sound like Brook, he's a dickhead no doubt but he's not one to fight unless provoked."

"Kai doesn't provoke people; he usually ignores people unless provoked."

"Well then something isn't adding up here." I mumbled thoughtfully. _Hey dead boy, you know anything about this?_

I didn't receive any answer but I did find myself on the wrong end of one of Shahero's death glares. "Look, I'm just saying, I know Brook and he doesn't fight people without just cause."

"Yeah well I know Kai," she said softly.

"Look, I have to go say hello, ok?"

"Fine." the tone of her voice told me she wasn't pleased but she turned away and headed back to her friends who were watching us, probably wondering where I was going.

I turned in the opposite direction and approached Brooklyn. His thick mop of ginger hair shone in the sun and fell into his eyes, which were the weirdest eyes I'd ever seen. I could tell you what colour Mystel's eyes were in detail and I knew Tyson's eyes were brown and Daichi and Ozuma's were green, but Brooklyn's shifted drastically varying on his mood. It ranged from moss green, to a misty pale blue. Mostly it stayed in between those two colours but as I said, it's hard to explain it to you unless you've seen his eyes. His skin was flawless beige that was taut over sharp features. Nothing about Brooklyn is plain, his nose is chiselled with a narrow bridge, his brows aren't bushy but narrow and his mouth full, his chin and jaw are strong. His brow is firm and arching under that cap of hair and his cheekbones are prominent, his cheeks hollowed out slightly. I don't think you'd describe Brooklyn as feminine but he's not ruggedly male or handsome. He's pure and innocent looking, angel faced that's what Nana would call him. Brooklyn does have the face of an angel, one of those avenging angels that would strike you down while you sleep.

For all his calm composure and amusement, he has the worst temper in history when it's provoked but that takes a lot of effort to get going. I've never seen… no I've seen his temper once but that was when him and me were fighting and he saw these group of boys torturing a dog with only three legs. Brooklyn went apeshit, but I don't even think that was his full temper either because once the teens left, he turned his attention back to the stray. He took the stray home with him too, still has it I think. The one thing we've completely agreed on is that the world would be better if humans weren't on it and the animals were left. We prefer animals to humans any day.

I stopped before him. His gaze was on the ground; lost in his thoughts I didn't think he'd noticed me. He wore a white shirt that was only a few shades paler than his skin. How can he not have freckles? He's a red head in Ireland, they have freckles! I'm sure I have freckles under my skin colour somewhere but nope, he doesn't. He'd tucked his hands in his jeans and the sun glinted off the thick silver chain around his neck and off the hinges of his sunglasses, which he'd hooked in his shirt pocket. What was with the Hollywood look?

"About time." he said smoothly, looking up at me then he pushed away from the car and towered over me.

I arched a brow in reaction. "You forget Dicky boy I ain't intimidated by you."

"I wasn't trying to intimidate you, peaches."

"Bite me." I muttered.

"Get in the car."

"Huh?"

He studied me and feeling uncomfortable, I shifted on my feet. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah."

"Then get in the car."

"See I thought you said that, but I figured it was just my bad hearing. What makes you think I'm getting into your car without a reason? Why are you here?"

"Not for you, you're just a side bonus."

"Again, bite me."

"No, now get in the car."

"No!" What was this guy, senile? You don't get in the car with…Brooklyn. It's an unwritten rule somewhere. I mean he was Mystel's friend, I'll grant him that, but Mystel wasn't here and he doesn't like me, so why was he here?

"Do get off being difficult?"

"Oh yeah, can't you see I'm so excited." I growled dryly, casting my gaze to the sky in mock exasperation. At his non-amused expression, I sighed and decided to start again. "Why are you here?"

He scratched a point above the corner of his mouth, leaving a red splotch on the clear skin. "To collect my girlfriend."

Again, huh? There's something majorly wrong here. "Who?"

"Just get in the car."

"No, not until you explain why I have to get in the car. I have friends over there, my sort of sister is over there and I have to go home to my Mom."

He raised a carrot-tinted brow. "Sort of sister?"

"My mom's boyfriend's daughter."

"Your family is complicated enough without adding to it."

"Teh, no need to tell me. Now are y' gonna tell me what the fuck's goin' on?"

He sighed and his expression softened. "Look, I heard you were going to be here and… just get in the car before I put you in there myself!" I jumped at the shift in tone.

"Ok, jeez, keep yer hair on. I'll get in in a second, but first I have to tell Shahero that I… when will I be home?"

"Late."

"Great, lateness with Brooklyn, fun for me." I grumbled dropping my bag purposely on his foot and wishing it was heavier before I marched back to Shahero. I found her talking with Miyami.

"Hey, did you say hello?" she asked when I appeared beside them.

"Sort of."

"Sort of?"

"Um, well he kind of wants to…" I trailed off. What was I supposed to say? He was effectively kidnapping me, how could I tell her that? "Look, he needs to talk and he said he'd leave me home. Just tell mom I'm with Brooklyn and that I'll be home late."

"Late? As in night time late?" she questioned with something only akin to disbelief.

"Well not that late." Hopefully.

"Let her go." Miyami said with a shrug of her shoulders. "If she needs someone, she can holler, right?"

"Sure. I have my mobile with me anyways, so catch you later 'Ro."

"Fine bye." she grumbled. I was certain she wasn't having much fun being the mature one, since she was the baby of the family. I was an all rounder being an only child. I was actually proud of myself coming to tell her, it shows that I was taking her feelings and concerns into consideration… and people wonder how I can be self-delusional. I can convince myself of loads of things. I was leaving with the enemy and I hadn't even had a valid excuse for this. I don't even like Brooklyn, I just feel an odd connection to him because he's- was, Mystel's best friend. It's not even a tangible connection but it's there and I can't shake it lose.

I walked back to Brooklyn then rolled my eyes and groaned. He was in a lip lock with… oh fuck me. "Hey, you wanna extract your tongue from the lady?"

Brooklyn pulled back, his lips bruised and glared at me. "Benson, nice timing as usual."

"Consider it pay back."

"New girl." his girlfriend greeted me in her sultry smoky voice.

"Amber, this is Ruin."

"Hey, _I_ actually know her name; _she_'s the one suffering temperamental amnesia."

"Temporary amnesia." He corrected with a roll of his eyes.

"Depends on the person." I still say she'd have temperamental amnesia and temperamental everything else too.

She looked me up and down, decided there wasn't much to worry about and got into the car. My tongue had poked out before I even copped to it.

"_Nice!_"

I whirled round and stared at Mystel who was now leaning against the school wooden fence. His hair was catching strands of light and turning the colour into white gold. His brows stood out in stark contrast to his bronzed skin and his eyes danced merrily. Of course, he'd be amused by this whole situation. He'd constantly tried to get me and Brooklyn to talk to each other, but he'd never been able to achieve it while he'd been alive but hey, death does have certain advantages.

He chuckled and I swallowed hard as the sound warmed me and my heart ached.

"BENSON! Woman would you pay attention!"

I was yanked roughly to Brooklyn's silver car door and I managed to catch sight of our reflection in the tinted window before the door was swung open and I was shoved ungraciously inside. He'd looked spooked. I collapsed in a heap on the back seat, which smelt of pine from the air-freshener. Untangling myself, I arranged myself on the wide spacious seat careful to keep my feet off the upholstery but keeping my legs propped up. I leaned back into the door, tugging the seat belt around me and clipping it in. The driver door opened and Brooklyn folded himself in the door, his gaze sweeping up to the mirror. His eyes narrowed.

"Feet _off_ the seat!" he ordered as he slotted the key into the ignition.

"Me feet _are _off the seat." I told him cheerfully, gaining pleasure from getting under his skin so easily. Usually it took a while to achieve this level of animosity because he was quite a calm, in control type of person or humanoid, whatever you want to call he-who-won't-get-angry.

He closed his eyes and I could see him visibly trying to reign in his temper. The She-Goth looked over her shoulder at me. Her brown eyes weren't amused, they were cool and detached, the look made me uneasily remove my legs from being sprawled over the back seat, and instead I sat up straight in the chair. Christ the woman was scary. I turned my attention to look out the window; then something occurred to me.

"Hey, where's my bag?"

"In the boot."

I raised my brows and looked behind me. The boot was only accessible by going outside and opening the boot door. "All the way back there, eh? Ya know, this has all the makings of a kidnapping."

Instead of saying anything, Brooklyn leaned over and turned on the radio. Immediately something dance and punchy blasted out, almost as quickly Ruin leaned in and stabbed a button with her razor sharp looking nails. Instead of music, the Celtic musings of a radio DJ babbled out accompanied by his Scottish female companion as they talked about men being better than women and vice versa, respectively. Seeing that I was being ignored, I turned my attention back out the window again as Brooklyn put the car out of neutral and into first gear and eased out of the car park.

* * *

I slouched in my chair, my mind wandered back to when I was young, before I turned eleven and my parents, and I used to go on trips places together. They'd sit in the front seat and little ol' me in the back seat on my own. I kind of felt like that now. Ruin and Brooklyn were talking quietly and I couldn't hear what they were saying; or not enough to follow the conversation. It was as though there was an invisible barrier between them and me.

I still couldn't understand why Brooklyn had ordered me into the car. What could he possibly want? There really wasn't anything I could think of so I settled back and just enjoyed the ride; waiting for Ruin to get out. I doubted Brooklyn would say anything in front of her anyway. Unless she knew about Mystel and she didn't seem like Brooklyn's type but hey, I didn't know her, what did I know? What was Brooklyn's type anyway? I sure as heck didn't know.

Brooklyn growled and I perked up in my seat to see that we were stuck behind a tractor with a dog watching us from inside it, his tongue lolling out while his owner was rocked about in the cab. I looked out the window at the scenery outside. There were miles of green and gold, with glimpses of the mountains hazy in the horizon because of the weird light the sun was spilling down on us. We passed under a cluster of trees that hid us from its strength.

I hooked my arms behind my head and watched a John Deere tractor cutting through grass and tossing it out into the trailer of Massey Ferguson. Uncle Rory would be cutting Silage soon enough. I preferred when we baled hay up in Nana's. It was an experience, trying to lift the heavy bales and toss them onto the back of the long trailers or passing them up to the people, -usually men who were often shirtless. You can try to guess why I could possibly like that more. It wouldn't be hard, or it was the reason Mystel said I liked it so much. I never really have to be part of the farming life before; Dad was a lawyer, not a farmer and uncle Seth was a mechanic. Nevertheless, if you're up in Nana's when there's work to be done, you're expected to do it. I'd head up there as soon as I had some time. At least there, I knew what I was doing and where I was supposed to be.

"What classes are you doing Amber?"

I shook of my random thoughts and processed the question before formulating a reply to Ruin's question. I figured if she was going to make an effort, so should I. "Well the mandatory three, and History, French, Biology and HE. Yourself?"

"Chemistry, French, Art and Business."

"What's business like? Sounds boring."

"It's not as bad as accounting, that's boring. You can use Business in anything."

"Suppose, you any good at Art?"

"Depends on what you think is good."

O-k. "I guess."

"So why did you blank Valkov this morning?"

"She blanked Valkov?"

"Hmm."

I frowned. "It wasn't intentional. I was just feeling odd. I did apologize for that." I think.

Ruin jerked a shoulder.

"Valkov's not worth your time Amber. He and his friends are all up themselves."

"Does that go for his female friends as well Brooklyn?"

He considered that. "I can't say. I don't know them that well."

"But you know Tala."

"I've had a few run-in's with him, yeah."

"Well he's been perfectly nice to me so far, so I'm going on what I've seen not what you tell me. But thanks for the advice and I'll bear it in mind."

"Suit yourself."

"I will."

* * *

Almost twenty minutes later and we'd left Ruin off at her home, which looked like it should be on the magazine of Ireland's richest homes or something. The day was beginning to take its toll on me as I had to battle off numerous yawns that seemed to come in unrelenting waves. I'd been moved up to the passenger seat now Ruin was no longer with us. Yippee for me.

"Man, I'm exhausted."

"So today was ok then?"

"Yeah thanks to Tala and his friends." I said pointedly. "Well maybe technically Shahero could have been a major reason for me settling in so well, but Tala was really nice to me. Maybe you've pegged him wrong, Brook."

"Maybe. I might have."

"I heard you and Kai got into a fight."

He took his eyes off the road for a moment and cast me a look before going back to the road. "Kai?"

"Yeah, two toned blue haired guy with a bit of loner attitude." who scolded me for no bloody good reason. If he liked Ming-Ming, so much he could buy her a pony or something. I sure as hell am not Cilla Black on blind date. 'Ooh I think I'll be buying myself a hat chucks.'

"I know Kai. I meant you're on first name basis with him?"

I faltered at that. I hadn't really talked to the guy all that much and when I did it hadn't been on friendly terms. I don't think we were even introduced. He knew me as the new girl, I knew him as Kai, Ming-Ming's sex-on-legs not to be confused with Zareth-sex-on-legs. "Dunno, pssh, don't confuse me."

He chuckled. "It's not hard to do, is it?"

"So why are you really here and where are you taking me?"

He didn't answer; instead, he flipped on the indicator with his finger and over took a small red fiesta with more passengers inside than seats. I could almost guess that the driver was envying the sleek silver machine as it easily zipped past his. A brief look at the speedometer told me that Brooklyn was just a little over the speed limit. I frowned, that couldn't be good with a car like this, it was screaming for a speeding ticket and penalty points to go on his pretty, new pink license.

After a few more minutes, I growled. "Brooklyn I asked you a question, I'd like an answer."

He flicked his gaze to me, his fingers tapping the steering wheel as the car rolled to a stop at a junction. Lorries and trucks, vans and cars roared past at a fast pace. Still he didn't say anything as he pulled out onto the main road when the traffic laid up for a moment.

Beginning to get irked because as far as I could see, we were heading towards the border, I leaned forward and upped the volume on the radio. The low growl to my left was ignored. Guys seem to have this thing about no one touching the radio when they were driving, but I didn't care. I wanted to listen to something and he was being a git. Why wouldn't he answer me?

"Portrush." he blurted out.

Portrush? Portrush was a seaside town on the north east coast of Ireland where I'd spent many of my summer holidays. I'd liked staying in the caravan's and being so close to the sea. I don't know what it was about the town that made me like it so much, after all Ireland's a island, there's plenty of coastal towns closer to home but Portrush is a real tourist town. Ice cream parlours at every corner, takeaways, arcades, markets, the clean strands with the mountain walk that I loved doing as long as no one went near the edge. There's a fish museum that always fascinated me and behind it on a clear day, you can see the whole way over to Scotland. It wasn't far from the Giants Causeway either.

"You're taking me to Portrush, why? That's at least a three hour journey."

"Feh, try an hour and a half."

I smiled. "Which is a 3 hour round trip. 1½ to get there and 1½ to get back home again give or take a few minutes because of traffic." Ha, stick that in your pipe. I'll admit it, I like being right about things because generally I am.

I winced as Britney Spears squealed out of the speakers. It wasn't one of her tolerable songs, I don't like her but I can bare her when I have to and since this radio station always played the four main genres of music, I had to put up with her because this was the only decent station that played more than five songs.

"Why are we going to Portrush?"

He tightened his grip on the wheel and I slumped further in my chair. I wasn't going to get anything out of him when he was in this mood. He was thinking, I was interrupting, and that, in turn, was pissing him off. But I was bored, there was nothing to do unless I just watched the scenery go by and that wasn't much fun either because there were only so many times that you could see a field of barely being cut.

Leaning forward, I pulled open the glove compartment. In my mum's car, she has a first aid kit and a duster, gloves and the car manual. Brook's was empty bar for his CD collection. He was an RnB guy who needed to gain some taste music wise. Eminem, D12, Usher… They were ok; it was the others I was wary of. Finally, I gave up and groaned.

"…-ting you?"

I started and swept my gaze up to my orange haired companion. I hadn't heard what he asked, just the tail end of it, which gave me no hint on what he asked. "Sorry?"

"Never mind."

"No ask me again, I was distracted."

"It's nothing."

"It was something." I replied.

His sigh was exaggerated. "I asked if he was still haunting you."

I swallowed and nodded slowly. Brooklyn was the only person I'd confessed to about seeing Mystel. I didn't know why I told him, part of me had figured he'd laugh at me and make me feel idiotic, maybe that was what I wanted because it would have been easier to deal with but he hadn't. He had believed me and though it had shocked me, it had made me see him in a new light. For all our quarrels, he'd truly cared about Mystel. They were friends; nothing could or would change that. In addition, with Mystel's death, something in Brooklyn died. Gone were the enigmatic smiles that he used to unnerve everyone and gone was the mocking glint in his mystery eyes. The part of him that made him smile for no reason was missing. I missed it, I missed how it had always taken so much of my brain and will power to get a flicker of a reaction, now it didn't take much at all. The even temper was no longer even.

"Is he-" he cleared his throat, his eyes fiercely concentrated on the road.

"If you want to know if he's here, like visibly here, then no. He's not. Sometimes I don't see him, other times I do. It's as if a part of him is always with me, yet not. I don't know how to explain it, I don't know why it's happened, I just…" I trailed off feeling seriously uncomfortable. I still wasn't quite feeling normal about being haunted by my Mystel. He… how could I move on with my life if I ever wanted to?

"Do you remember the hospital?" he asked softly.

I nodded softly. How could I not? They were the worst three days of my life. Me and Brooklyn had pretty much lived there spending every minute by Mystel's bedside willing him to live, for him not to leave us. He never woke up from the coma. It had been the worst experience in my life, one I never cared to repeat again. I hate hospitals because of it now. Even now I have nightmares of walking through the clinical white halls, past the wards with sickly green curtains pulled around the beds, the smell of disinfectant with the electronic voice over head demanding that a doctor should attend ward something or other, haunting me. I was, basically, dead to the world those days, nothing else existed, nothing else mattered but for Mystel to wake up. For him to open those gorgeous blue eyes and smile at me, that's all I wanted. I've never been religious, but during those seventy-two hours, I'd done nothing but become a hypocrite and pray for Mystel to get better. I made so many promises, bargains for things I'd do if he got better. He never did. He never woke up again, and when he flat lined, my life ended with his.

Sometimes I wonder, just what Mystel thought of when he was in his coma. Did he regret things? Did he wish he'd done things differently as I did? How did he feel when he came back from the dead as a ghost or whatever he was? Every time I broached the subject, he'd shy away from it. Not comfortable talking about something so odd, I guess.

I suppose it was when we'd been at his bedside, that Brooklyn and I formed that intangible connection. The most important person in our lives died before us while we held his hands; that's something you can't ignore. It binds you strongly, sharing such an experience. I suppose that's why I told Brooklyn about me seeing Mystel, I mean it freaked me out so badly and I just thought I was seeing him because I wanted to, so I went to the one other person who would want to see Mystel just as much as I did. When I'd realized that he wasn't seeing Mystel, then I'd freaked. Brooklyn had freaked too while Mystel sat happily commenting on how if Brooklyn got any paler he'd be translucent and could pass for a ghost. I guess that was just Mystel's way of dealing with things, to joke and continue like everything's normal. I picked up that habit from him, though I wasn't nearly as cheerful, but I got a big kick out of finding humour in the most unlikely of situations.

Brooklyn, however, had no choice but to believe me when I related to him, secrets that only Mystel could possibly know. Like his favourite boxers had pictures of Snoopy on them, of how his first crush was on the woman down the road who was like twice his age, and how he once got attacked by a crab that almost made him Jewish. The fact that I knew things like that made him testy but then that was understandable, how would you feel if some girl you didn't like very much knew things like that about you, especially if she claimed the ghost of your dead best friend told her? However, he really had no choice but to believe me, Mystel didn't keep a diary so there was no other way for me to know and quite frankly, I could have done without knowing. Secretly, I believe Mystel only told me to corrupt my mind. He liked doing that. One time at three in the morning, he woke me up to tell me what a dildo was… Now I'm wondering why the hell I loved that guy. Three in the morning on a normal day is never a good time for me but then with the knowledge he'd bestowed on me, my busy little mind wouldn't let me sleep again.

"While we were there, I promised him I'd look after you. It was a 'in case of' scenario," he said softly.

I tiled my head to the side to regard him. I hadn't known that. I must have been at the toilet or in the shower when he did that but nonetheless; it was quite sweet of him.

"Maybe I figured he wouldn't trust me and wake up or something but when he died, I couldn't necessarily go back on my word."

Oh, way to kill the sweetness factor. "Gee thanks."

"So when he didn't wake up and then you moved closer, I figured that was his way of making me keep my promise."

I grinned. "If he couldn't make us friends when he was alive, then he'd do it dead."

Brooklyn snorted. "Sounds like something he'd do." his mood turned sombre.

I turned my gaze to the scenery outside. We were driving past a housing estate. Narrow two story houses were packed together with toddlers on tricycles and children playing football while teenagers in various uniforms sat on the walls and traded gossip. A year ago, that had been me, Mystel, and our friends (mainly Mariah) who'd been cooing over what a cute couple we made. I never believed I was good enough for him. I don' know why though. I mean we'd been best friends since forever but self-doubt set in after we became an official couple. I always believed that I'd taint him. He just looked so pure and he always saw the good in life, whereas I was pessimistic, sarcastic and bitch.

Maybe subconsciously I was like that to counter Mystel's niceness, because I knew he was there to keep me from getting too down, so I didn't have to be cheerful. Now he's gone, I find myself trying to be a bit more like him. Seeing the bad things in life only makes it harder to get through. You only have one chance at life and you have to make the best of it, since you never know, tomorrow you could be dead. It's a pity that Mystel had to die to make me see that.

"So what are you doing in college?" I inquired, genuinely interested.

"Animal welfare."

I grinned and it was warm and heartfelt. "You'd be good at that. Hey, do you get to carry a baton around and beat up people who abuse their pets?"

Brooklyn jerked his gaze from the road to look at me. I think he was trying to gauge whether I was being serious or not. If he figured it out, he didn't act like it. Instead, he raised a brow and his upper lip curled in exasperation. "No!" a silence fell on us and I could just tell he was thinking about what I said. His grip on the steering wheel eased and his fingers began to drum on it. It was odd; Brooklyn isn't prone to excessive movement. He was tensed and jittery and this is the most relaxed, easygoing guy I know. He's not hyper like Max, or arrogantly full of himself in a harmless way like Michael, he doesn't think everything weighs on his shoulders the way Claude sometimes does and he certainly isn't happy go lucky in the way Mystel was, but nothing phases him. He takes everything in his stride but not today, it seemed.

"Is there something bothering you Brook?"

He opened his mouth to reply, then shook his head. Taking his hand off the wheel, he reached across me to open the glove compartment. Without taking his eyes off the road, he dug through the CD's inside, pulling out three in succession, before replacing them after a quick glance. He seemed to have struck gold on the fourth because he handed it to me. "Here, put that in."

"Um ok." I took the blank CD case from him before placing the blank CD inside the slot in his wicked looking sound system. "What track?"

Brooklyn began to smile in a way that made me shift uncomfortably in my seat. I didn't think I was going to like this. "Seven."

I skipped through the CD listening to it whine and whir as it located the track I requested. Sound a melodic tune began to come through. I recognized it instantly, even though the instruments had been replaced with electric guitar, bass and drums… "Oh god." I cringed when the vocalist began to croon the lyrics. "Oh fucking hell!"

"When the night has come/ And the land is dark/ And the moon is the only light we'll see."

My throat seized up and my eyes burned as my mouth trembled hearing my own voice echo in my ears.

"No, I won't be afraid/ No, I won't be afraid/ Just as long as you stand/ Stand by me."

This was Mystel's favorite song. This school entertainment night had been set up and Mystel's band had been asked to play. It was a big ego boost for the guys and Mariah and I joined them when they practiced just to skip my chores and make fun of them to put them off singing. Therefore, I'd sit on the mattress placed by the wall in the garage while Mystel sang and Mariah beat away at her drums. And one day, Mariah commented on how she had the music for 'Stand By Me' by Ben E. King and wanted to see what it would sound like played with an electric guitar. Brooklyn was dubious at first but Mariah goaded him into playing so he had no choice. So he played, she drummed, the guitarist played his guitar. Mystel had left to do something, I don't remember what it was, maybe run an errand for his mom so I offered to sing the song since being with Mystel so long, I knew the lyrics and I could sing reasonably well.

"So darling, darling/ Stand by me/ Oh, stand by me/ Oh, stand/ Stand by me/Stand by me."

It sounded really good. So good that Mystel decided to sing it at the entertainment night and he did this really corny thing of dedicating it to me. It was embarrassing, so much so that I refused to talk to him for the rest of the night. He won me over with a milkshake later. What can I say, I'm easy.

"If the sky that we look upon/ Should tumble and fall/ Or the mountains should crumble to the sea/I won't cry, I won't cry/ No, I won't shed a tear/ Just as long as you stand/ Stand by me."

I felt the familiar tickle in my nose and tears filled my eyes. The pressure in my chest increased to a tangible ache as I fought the urge to cry. We played this song at his funeral. The original version; not this one. I don't know where this version came from. Nevertheless, it was me singing, I knew that much. I don't think the song would have been nearly as poignant with me singing it; I'd only have been distracted by my own voice. I guess that's being self-centered.

"And darling, darling/ Stand by me/ Oh-ho, stand by me/ Oh, stand now/ Stand by me, Stand by me."

Unconsciously I began to sing softly with myself. He loved this song. He never told me why. I like to think that it reminds him of me or that he thought of me when he listened to it. However, it could have been his horse he was thinking about. He was quirky that way. And oh so sweet. Someone sobbed and my hand clapped over my mouth when I realized it was I. It was only when Brooklyn's cool hand closed over my free hand that I realized just how much of a wreck I was.

"Darling, darling/ Stand by me/ Oh, stand by me/ Oh, stand/ Stand by me/ Stand by me/ Whenever you're in trouble/ won't you sta-nd by me/ woh-oh-ho-oh-ho stand by me/ woh-oh stand/ Stand by me/Stand by me."

"I'd forgotten how big a voice you have when you sing that song."

I snorted and choked back a laugh but couldn't. So instead, I turned my cries into laughter and rid myself of the pressure that way, cackling like a hyena until I got most of the pain out of me. I felt like an idiot, giggling madly while not knowing why. What he said hadn't been all that funny but I couldn't stop laughing. It was something about the tone and me being short. It was a combination of things, but… I gasped in a deep breath, feeling it soothe my burning lungs. "Shit."

"I'm sorry." he spoke so softly I barely heard him. He might not even have apologized but I like the idea that he did.

"It's ok. Where did you…?"

"It's his mixed CD. Filled with stuff he taped from the band's time together. That's his special bonus track."

"But he wasn't there when I was singing it."

"No but he was taping us so he could see how we sounded, to check out which area needed improving."

"Oh." I replied quietly. I did not know that.

"Yeah, imagine the surprise he gets when his girlfriend starts singing in the midst of junk as he called it."

I shook my head. "He could be really corny at times."

Brooklyn snorted. "Yeah he could." he answered but his voice was laced with affection. "Could you imagine him with someone equally as corny?"

I grimaced. "Oh god, sop-fest."

"Yeah. Despite everything, you were good for him Benson. He really loved you, don't forget that."

I blinked rapidly. See this is the sweet Brooklyn he tries to hide under the 'devil-may-care' attitude. He shocked me so much I barely could form a reply. "I won't."

"He won't let you I guess."

I laughed. "True, he won't. Thanks Brooky." he shrugged nonchalantly. "So what else is on this CD?"

* * *

An hour later, we were wandering around the seaside town of PortRush. The waves were lapping at the wall of the strand walk beneath us, the tangy salt in the air mingled with the ice cream on our tongues. High musical tones from the ice cream van pierced the air as it toddled along to the other side of the strand. The setting sun stained the frozen lake blue sky from its hiding spot behind the high-rise three story buildings. The piercing cry of the Gulls echoed as they swooped and glided over the sea, mingling with the caw of the Crows and Rooks who were settling for the evening. The fresh sea breeze caught my hair and played with it affectionately, pulling it back from my face with gentle fingers.

I laved at my ice cream, savouring it on my tongue. Mystel's aura as I had begun to call the feeling was faint. I wondered if it was because he didn't want to be reminded of the fact that he could no longer eat. I'd ask him about that later. There were so many questions I still had to ask him. So many things that plagued my mind but some I wouldn't ask. I'd taken for granted that he was back and I took for granted the fact that he didn't seem bitter but to come back from the dead to look over me while I lived couldn't be easy on him no matter how he brushed it off as wanting me to be happy. I was happy and he wanted me to be happy with him once, how could he so easily give me up? It wasn't that easy, it couldn't be. He may tell me he had accepted being dead, but the hell if I believed him.

"Hey Brook?"

"Yeah?"

"Does Ruin or Tala know Mystel? I mean did they ever meet him?"

Brooklyn pondered that for a moment or two. "To be honest I don't know about Tala. But Ruin knows that he's dead and I'm pretty sure she's worked out who you are."

"Oh." I thought about that. How did I feel about a complete stranger knowing of my grief?

"She won't pity you. I don't know if it'll change her attitude to you in any way. It wouldn't be such a bad thing if someone knew."

"That's just it. It is bad! They all treat me like I'm about to break and they get all nervous and antsy when I bring him up or any remotely related to him is brought up."

"Ruin's not your family; she's not your friend. She won't treat you like that."

"Heh, we'll see."

"You're going to have to tell people eventually. Not telling people will prevent you from moving on."

"I was made to move because people knew."

That was met with silence. "Just consider telling someone."

"Shahero knows, as do my family."

"Ok fine then. But you'll only push people away in your efforts to conceal the truth from them." he stated in a matter-of-fact tone as his gaze searched the sky.

We wandered off the main strand and onto a narrow path bordered by a cliff of rough, wild grass and violet pompoms of clover. Down beneath us the waves crashed against the rocks causing the water to foam and a loan bottle to rock dangerously. The contents swished in tangent to the waters movement. Out in the distance I watched a sailboat soar over the waves, its white sail shining valiantly reflecting the suns rays.

The walk up hill began to wear on the back of my legs but didn't bother me too much; the view was distracting. An oil ship was now heading away off into the distance. At the brink of the hill, I could spot the holiday homes perched high on the hillsides, their walls no longer pristine white but hosting a reddish tint from the darkening suns rays, which bled over them. A motor of a jet ski roared then chugged as it slowed down before the engine was finally killed and someone yelled something indistinct. I didn't bother to look as Brooklyn guided me to the edge of the cliff, the soft cut grass that was littered with daises and cream clover puffs bending under my feet. I could see footsteps, which had made their own impressions earlier, still had yet to disappear. At the edge of the grass, there was a pulpit with information for the tourist on the creatures in our supposedly clean seawater. I've never seen a porpoise; I somehow don't think I ever will unless I take an impromptu dive overboard of some ship that's fleeing Ireland because it's no longer safe to live there. The chances of that ever happening are slim to zero.

"So what was it you had to show me?" I finally asked. Taking me to PortRush was very nice, don't get me wrong but there had to be a reason that Brooklyn had done this and it wasn't because he wanted to spend time with me.

"Mystel loved this spot here."

I nodded. I knew that. Every time I came here with Mom and with my friends, Mystel would make this song and dance of going to the Cliffside to see how close he could get before I freaked out and demanded he get his butt back to my side again. I have an irrational fear of cliffs and deep water. I always feared he'd fall off and I'd never see him again… Ironic huh? Never mind.

"I was thinking…" he trailed off, his eyes gazing into the distance.

"About?" I had to actually bite my tongue before quipping about how that'd hurt.

"A memorial. To Mystel." he clarified turning round to gauge my reaction.

For a moment, I said nothing. A memorial, something to remind us that Mystel existed and something that wasn't just a gravestone. I looked round me, for a busy tourist town, this was possibly the most peaceful spot… already the clogs in my mind were turning. "Would the council let you?"

He nodded. "I already contacted them to see if they would but nothing's set in stone. I wanted your opinion."

"I like it." I said slowly after a moment or two. "I like it a lot."

He smiled now. It bloomed over his face beautifully turning it from a beautifully masculine masterpiece into something more human and stunning. He had a great smile if he'd use it more. "How about a bench?"

I nodded. "Yeah a nice chestnut one, with a plaque. We'd need to visit it a couple of times to make sure people haven't vandalised it." I added. The thought of people spilling ice cream or teenagers' writing stupid things, such as Anne loves Mark, it made me sick. Moreover, bird shit would be something else I wouldn't want to see on it. It's a monument to my first love; I don't want it desecrated by some hoodlums. Then the bad thoughts were chased away by thoughts of being able to come here and sit at this spot with Mystel beside me, ghost form of course. Or coming here with Mariah and Mattie, and finishing our day off by watching the sunset. Yeah I liked this idea a lot, maybe even loved the idea. "It's a good idea Brook; no it's a great idea. Thank you. I'd never have thought of something like this."

"Well." he shrugged one shoulder.

"You were a good friend to him Brook."

"Yeah, if I was really a good friend then he wouldn't be dead."

My eyes flew wide in horror. Oh god, he did not think that. "Brooklyn, no!" I growled. "How can you think something like that?"

"Never mind. It's nothing."

"No it's definitely something." I said softly. "Mystel died, there's nothing we could have done about it."

"But maybe if we-"

"We tried!" The tears were close to the surface again. "He was insistent. We couldn't sway him." I sniffled.

"_So this would be my land. My grass, my ocean, my cliffs, my fishes, those are my flowers you're both standing on._"

I looked behind me to see Mystel sitting on the grass, gazing out to the see but I could tell he was aware of both of us. Suddenly he turned to us, his bright blue eyes filled with mirth until they locked onto Brooklyn. "_It's not his fault_. _He always blames himself._"

"Mystel's here." I announced.

Brooklyn looked around the patch of grass we were standing on as though he expected to see him. I think secretly Brooklyn would like to see Mystel again, another part probably wonders why I get to see him so much. "Where?"

"Sitting in the middle of the grass. He likes your idea, seems to be under the impression that this is now his land, his cliffs, his ocean, his grass and we're standing on _his_ flowers." I relayed in a dry tone.

Brooklyn's lips quirked. "Maybe we should buy this peninsula."

"No. This is a public walkway, how would you feel if someone bought it and stopped us from walking on it?"

"Well it doesn't bother me since no one has bought it and it would stop people from vandalising this spot on us if I bought it."

"Brooklyn, please."

He relented and sat down on the grass. "I'm not sitting on him, am I?"

"Well just on his foot but I don't think he minds."

Brooklyn scrambled to his feet and looked behind him in horror while Mystel snickered off to my right where he'd been sitting the whole time.

"Is he alright?"

I gave him a deadpan look. "Yeah Brooklyn he's fine." I shivered as a cool wind swept over me. I glanced down at the hand on mine and then at the one on Brooklyn's. "He's touching your hand."

Brooklyn looked to his right and raised a brow at me. "This one?"

I nodded. "Ya know, I think he may have turned gay."

There was a snort of laughter. "Really?"

"Yeah. He was completely drooling over your friend Hiwatari."

"Really."

"Yeah, so why did you two get in a fight?"

"_Amber drop it._"

What? Why? Brooklyn gets in a fight and you don't let me hold it over him?

"_I mean it Ams._"

"Actually, ya know what, I don't wanna know. How about we head home? It's getting late and I promised Shahero I wouldn't take too long."

"Sure."

"Thanks for this Brook."

"Sure."

I shook my head as I followed him down the path into town again. A man of many words is our Brooklyn but I doubt we'd have him any other way.

* * *

"When the night has come, and the land is dark, and the moon is the only light we'll see. No I won't be afraid, oh I won't be afraid, just as long as you stand, stand by me." I sang softly to ward off the boredom. I'd arrived home roughly around eight, told Mom where I'd been and then took Gypsy up to the Moor. I'd been hoping to see Tala again but after waiting for a good twenty minutes, I didn't think he was going to come.

On the other hand, this time alone gave me time to think about everything that had happened today. I'd gone from lost and miserable at the start straight through to comfortable and relaxed with Brooklyn of all people. I frowned at that.

"Hey Mystel?"

"_Yeah I'm here_."

"Are we linked?"

The temperature dipped only slightly as he materialised beside me on the cluster of rocks I was sitting on. It must have sucked not being able to inhale the sweet fragrance of the wind bushes. Smell was one of those senses that help you remember certain memories in your life with more vividness. Or that's how it always seemed to me. He gazed into the distance, to the hazy hills opposite us across the valley.

"_I guess so_. _Why_?"

"I was just wondering. Am I picking up on your emotions? Like to Brooklyn? I never felt that much affection for him before; am I feeling what you are?"

He frowned, a cute pouty look that I adored. "_Maybe_."

"Hmm." This was something to consider. Did I want to inherit Mystel's emotions towards certain people? It would be weird. How would I know how genuinely I feel towards someone if it's not my emotions?

We sat in silence, both lost in our thoughts until I asked another thing that had been bugging me for the past ages. "Hey, why did you put me singing that song onto your CD?"

He smiled now. His eyes softened, his lips curved and his face looked younger than possible. I itched to reach out and stroke his honeyed skin but I couldn't. I couldn't touch him; I couldn't let him hold me anymore when I needed comfort. I couldn't even inhale his scent. It hurt.

"_Because I love listening to your voice. I use to play it when I couldn't sleep at night._"

I guess that was why Brooklyn made me read to Mystel all the time, anything from Harry Potter to textbooks. I bit my lip and prayed I wouldn't cry. Why had he been taken from me? What had I done that was so terrible?

"_Amber don't._"

"I can't help it." I complained. "You didn't deserve to die!"

"_No one truly deserves to die. When it's your time to go, you just have to go._"

"You didn't." I shot back. "You came back and it hurts because I need you to be here but even if you are here, you're not really and… it just hurts." I finished; my tone dull and lifeless.

"Do you want me to leave?" he finally asked after a few moments of intense silence.

I groaned and buried my face in my knees. "I don't know what I need." apart from medication to stop me going insane. "I don't want you to leave. I'm just feeling iffy." Maybe part of me wanted to make him leave so I could blame him for leaving me because right now I had no one to blame and there was so much hurt inside me, stuff I could tell Mystel because it would hurt him. He was already hurting; I didn't want to add to it.

"Well I'm going to have to." I jerked my head up at that. No, I didn't want him to leave. Not yet, I wasn't ready for him to leave me on my own yet. He smiled softly t me, his hand reaching to cup the curve of my jaw. I trembled from the cold air lingering on that spot on my jaw. "Your friend has arrived." he told me softly.

Surprised at the jolt of pleasure, I looked over my shoulder to see that he was right. There was Tala walking over the wild grass with Blitz sniffing at his heels. He wasn't looking at me, but something told me that he knew I was there and was avoiding looking at me. However, why was another question.

I turned back to the scenery before me and waited for him to approach me, that is if he wanted to. Idly I plucked at the burrs on my age-old grey sweatshirt that I'd tugged on when I returned home. Overhead birds twittered and trilled. Swallows chattered excitedly while the low husky tone of the cuckoo called out softly. I batted away a swarm of midges that had congregated just in front of my eyes.

The soft snap of dried grass bending unwilling underfoot alerted me to Tala's presence just before Blitz nudged his nose under my arm before sliding his whole body under and settling down right beside me, his silken hair brushing my skin. I smiled softly, scratching his neck by his collar.

"Hey."

He didn't reply just sat down beside me on the grass but there was a gap between us and I wondered if he was miffed by the way I'd treated him this morning.

"I wasn't sure if you'd be here or not." he finally said.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I asked finally.

"Because you're friends with Adams!" he spat the name out as though it were foul on his tongue.

Oh… Now that I hadn't been expecting. Shit Brook really did make a lot of people here hate him. "Well… wait you thought because I'm friends," I squirmed over the word. "With Brooklyn that I wouldn't talk to you?" I made the sentence a question to make sure that was indeed what he was hinting at.

"Well friends of Brooklyn aren't friends of mine," he said with a shrug.

"Oh." well that's a mood killer for you. How childish. "That's a shame Tala. There are a lot of really nice people who consider Brooklyn a friend that you're cutting off because of that rather childish ideology."

He blinked at me, probably startled by the big words that had come from my mouth. I nearly snickered. I used big words to annoy the hell out of Daichi, he said he learnt more spending time with me than he did at school and for the love of god would I shut up when I'm around him or his fragile mind would explode. Gotta love Daichi.

"I guess. It's not as though I cut them off though. It's just an unwritten law. People who're friends with Brooklyn don't want to be friends with me."

"Well I want to be friends with both of you. Brooklyn helped me through a really tough time in my life."

I could feel Tala's probing gaze and I knew he wanted to ask what I was talking about but I didn't feel comfortable while I didn't think Tala was feeling up to asking, so I changed the topic slightly. "So why do you hate Brooklyn so much?"

Tala frowned and shifted uncomfortably. His turquoise eyes turning glazed as he gazed into the distance, his fingers absently scratching Blitz's ears. "It's long and it's complicated. There's the fact that he put Kai in hospital."

"I heard about that. But why? No offence to Kai 'cause I don't know the guy that well, but Brook isn't one to start a fight for no good reason and I hear your man isn't either, so what happened?"

He shrugged, a clear clue he wasn't too sure about what happened either. "I don't know exactly. Kai goes up to the bar to get another drink, he was drinking coke-" he quickly added giving me a pointed look that had me wanting to put my hands up, palms out to ward of his attack. "He was designated driver that night. Brooklyn was up at the bar drowning his sorrows and to be honest, I know Brooklyn isn't one for drinking and I'd say Kai only spoke to him to figure out what his problem was. So from what I heard, Kai mentioned something about Brooklyn not having any friends or something to that extent and the next thing we all know, Brooklyn's gone at him and is pounding the shit out of him."

I groaned. "When did this happen?"

"I dunno. A couple of months ago. Around mid term in February."

I inhaled a shaky breath. "Oh. Around then, huh?"

His brow furrowed. "Something happen around then?"

I nodded softly, and took a deep cleansing breath while my emotions swum unsteadily. "Yeah-" I cleared my throat. "Yeah, Brooklyn lost his best friend around then."

"I don't remember… no wait. The kid? The one who died in that tragic accident? What was the name? Started with M, I think. It was in the newspapers."

"Mystel." I answered with a grim smile. It was odd being reminded of that time I my life. I barely remembered anything about it. I wouldn't listen to the local news or read the local papers. I pretty much locked myself in my room and didn't emerge for much or anything for that matter.

"I didn't know… Kai never knew either. I'm-"

"Don't say you're sorry. It wasn't your fault. Saying you're sorry really doesn't mean anything." The words came out a little sharper than I intended but this was what I'd feared. The overwhelming sympathy and the twitchiness because they were unsure what to say and they felt uncomfortable being around me. "I'm just saying that Brooklyn really wasn't in a fit state of mind at the time."

"You knew him too?" he phrased it as a question but it was more a statement than anything else.

"Mm-hmm." I murmured.

Tala now looked uncomfortable. It was somewhat amusing, but isn't that the way. There's a shining moment in your life that makes you hate a person and for the rest of your days every time you say you hate him, your reasoning goes back to that one moment. Then someone comes along and spoils that moment by explaining the actions of your enemy and your whole reason for hating them is destroyed and then you're the petty one. It screws. I watched him expectantly.

"There's also the fact that he… He and Arista used to date-"

"They did? When?" I did not know about this. Heck, I never knew Brooklyn had a girlfriend. Oh shit, this couldn't be good. Me being friends with Arista's ex… ah shit!

"Last year, lasted a couple of months."

"What happened?" If I found Mystel knew about this, there'd be hell to pay.

"He cheated on her. We were at the Astral in Letterkenny one night and we saw him in the alcove with some blond bitch all over him."

I winced. Ah shit, this was worse than I thought. "I never knew about that." I informed him quietly. "Look, I know Brooklyn has it in him to be a bit of a dick but well I can understand why you would be pissed. You have every right to be protective of your friend. I'm just saying that he's been a good friend to me. If it'll make things easier, I'll ask him not to come to the school again, at least then Arista doesn't have to deal with him."

"You don't have to do that. She can handle herself around him," he said firmly.

"Ok then." I sighed and stared out at the distant road where I could vaguely hear a quad engine roar which made me think of that stupid git who almost ran me over last night. "Hey, Tala, you wouldn't know anyone who owns a quad would you?"

"Amber, we're in farming country. Nearly everyone has one."

"A red Honda?"

"Now that doesn't narrow it down much. Hiwatari's have two, one red but it's not a Honda and a green one. I have my own but it's not a farm one."

"Don't tell me you have one of those sport quads that look seriously shite?"

He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "Yeah it's more trouble than it's worth."

"You're telling me. Mine has a fucked up starter, have to get Seth to have a look at it."

"Seth, your uncle?"

"Mm-hmm." My hand closed over a twig lying, almost hidden, in the lush grass. Feeling its solid weight in my palm, I tossed it down the hill grinning as Blitz raced after it.

"So why were you asking about the quad?"

"Someone almost ran me and Gypsy over."

He tensed beside me. "Shit, down the back road?" when I nodded, he scowled. "Aye, there's always someone speeding down that road even though there's a housing estate not far down from yours. There use to be a school down there but they moved it up the road near the Orange Hall after someone knocked down a little girl."

"Shit." I murmured feeling the word was strangely inadequate but I didn't know the girl and despite losing Mystel, it wasn't quite the same.

"Yeah it was crap. So have you thought anymore about breeding Gypsy?" he asked casting my grazing horse a glance.

"Sort of. I really want to see the Stallion before I make any commitments and wouldn't your man want to see Gypsy. After all it's his horse."

"Well how about we check out Traveler this weekend?"

I began to nod and then I remembered I had planned to see Nana on Saturday and I'd promised Rory to help him dose sheep since Seanín's away at college and Ozuma's working at Seth's. "No can do, sorry. Have to help out at Nana's."

"That won't take you all day. I'll call down for you around 4 or so. Your Nana's farm's just down the road from mine, so it won't be any trouble and I'll take you over to Kai's."

"Shit, Kai's?" I blinked trying to process what he was saying.

"Yeah Kai's Dad owns the Stables."

"Oh."

There was now a smile flirting with Tala's lips. "Is there a problem?"

"No, no problem just… didn't know." It really wasn't so much a problem, just a jittery feeling of discomfort in my stomach. So far, what I had seen of Kai was that he was a private guy, opening only to his friends and to mate my horse with his, well, it was weird. Then again, it wasn't Kai's stable but his fathers and it was probably his father's horse so maybe it wasn't as weird. I jerked as my phone buzzed in my pocket and after fishing in it with nimble fingers; I finally produced it. I tapped the buttons and raised a brow when I spotted Mariah's name. What could she want?

'Where are you?'

I frowned then smirked. **'in a field.'**

A huff of breath on my ear startled me and I glanced round expecting to see Mystel but it was Tala peeking in to see what I wrote.

"Say you're in a field with a stunning sexy young man." his tone was a vague imitation of an arrogant aristocrat. I could so see him in the Victorian era with a top hat and cane.

I gave him a pitying look. "She'll never believe it."

My phone buzzed in my hand. **'ooh, really? Well get your butt in front of a computer right now, or I'm logging off and DISOWNING YOU!'**

I yelped and cringed. I could just hear her saying that and her temper and voice rising at the end. "Shit, she's got such a temper."

"Interesting friend."

I nodded numbly. "Yeah she scares me. Ugh." I groaned getting to my feet, dusting down my jeans and patting Blitz's head as he left the twig he'd been chewing on religiously to say goodbye. "I better head back."

"Yeah, I'll see you at school tomorrow anyway." he replied as he too got to his feet, stretching out his legs and proving just how much he outsized me.

"Anything I should know before blindly wandering to my doom tomorrow?"

"Oh you survived today well enough, didn't you?"

"I haven't been home long enough yet, I'll soon find out."

"Oh be careful of Shahero. She's bound to be in a mood."

My internal danger alarm went off. "Why?"

Tala looked around awkwardly; then shoved his hands in his jean pockets. "Hitoshi dumped a carton of melted ice-cream over her."

"Oh he didn't… Oh dear." A little bit inadequate after hearing your sister had been covered with ice cream. I bit the tip of my thumb, a nervous habit I picked up over the summer when I was desperately trying not to find something to amusing. It also works to make me look unbearably cute, something I copied from Mariah, to help me stay out of trouble that my friends tend to drag me into. "How did she retaliate? She did retaliate right?"

"It's Shahero. Of course she retaliated." he drawled dryly, blowing the red strands out of his eyes. "She sprayed him with a can of Fanta."

My eyes widened until they burned and I had to blink rapidly. All the while, my thoughts lingered on the fact that when I was doing my Junior Cert, Matilda celebrated her birthday and Mariah decided to help by pouring fizzy orange over her head. It was a ritual at my school; everyone was dunked on their birthday with either ice cream, juice or eggs and flour. So Mariah got Matilda, we all missed the bus, phoned Li to come get us, he took one look at Mattie and refused to let her in his car and told us to phone for a taxi who didn't want to let us in his car either, until he recognized Mariah and asked her for her phone number. She complied but only if he took us home, he did and I don't think they ever spoke again. Nevertheless, I remembered how sticky she'd been and…

"Hitoshi drives his car to school, right?" Tala nodded.

Oh god, she hit him where it hurt the most. His hair would be sticky from the juice and his precious car… I clamped a hand over my mouth to stop myself from laughing out loud but couldn't quite smother it. "How furious was he?"

"Oh pretty furious. But she scrambled onto the bus before Hitoshi could get her."

"Aw he's bound to have killed her. I'll probably have a body to bury when I get home. Fun." I muttered dryly. I lifted my hat off the grass, dusted it off and waved away a cluster of midges.

"Damn blood sucking fiends."

I smirked. "You ever get bit by them?"

"Every time I come out. Wait till you see me tomorrow, I'll have bite marks on my neck."

"Don't you use that insect repellant?" I wondered, surprised. Mom never left the home without hers; it usually gave her a sickly sweet scent though.

"I do. However, they still find ways to get me. They once got inside my shirt to bite me right here," he pointed to a little left of his sternum. "And once they got me on the ass."

I chuckled. "Aw poor you. Must be tough."

"Yeah, but I can't help being so tasty."

I snorted. "Yeah, that's one way of putting it." It was actually probably the only way of putting it. I strode over the grass and reaching Gypsy, I captured her reins and taking it round to the side of her; I mounted and looked down at him. "I'll see you at school." With a click of my tongue, I nudged her round and we headed back home.

* * *

I rubbed my neck as I walked up the stairs towards my room after leaving Gypsy back in her stall and feeding her. I caught sight of Hitoshi bent over his car while Tyson sat on the wall beside him commenting on his actions towards Shahero. I wasn't sure how this whole fight between Shahero and Hitoshi had started, but it was amusing to witness. But already, one day into the term and they were at this point, it was a scary concept to imagine how the rest of the year would pan out. It was even weirder to realize that I wouldn't have this kind of relationship with anyone this year. It took a period of time to develop that strength of rivalry towards a person.

I sighed heavily. I really wanted an enemy. You could focus your whole energy on them, they became your one vice in life, anything that happened to you that annoyed you was their fault and your triumphs were their failures. So far I liked everyone I'd met, apart from that Kai fella, he wasn't bad or anything, he seemed perfectly reasonable if not a little too… well there was no doubt he was gorgeous. He was the type of guy who'd make you come to a halt with his… I couldn't describe it exactly. His eyes were beautiful but I've a soft spot the size of Montana for brown eyes. However, it was his whole persona, it was just attractive but at the same time, forbidding. Honestly, I didn't understand it, Tala was definitely a much more stunning and charming man, while Johnny was aggressively appealing, the combination of dark red hair and amethyst eyes were eye-catching but the rebel attitude just added to his appeal, but there was just an aura to Kai. I didn't feel connected to him at all and again, that wasn't true, I did feel a connection, an incomprehensible one. Maybe I needed to get to know him better, once I understood him, things would make more sense.

As for the girls, they were cool and they were close. I felt like an outsider looking in, unable to enter the clique, but when I was with one of them on her own, I felt I could connect with them. I suppose I was reluctant to leave my own clique and to join theirs, you'd have to commit solely to them.

I rapped on Shahero's door and peeked in her room, which was decorated with dark blue wallpaper, and silver dragon designs with some Japanese symbols. I liked her room and I liked her style. She was a free spirit, filled with so much energy like the one I used to be, and I had a feeling she could help me regain part of my old self.

She was stretched out on the black covers of her bed. Her eyes were closed and her mouth moving silently to the words screaming out of her earphones, all I could hear was a buzz of noise. I entered and stood at the bottom of the bed, noting the skateboard propped in the corner, the CD player and other entertainment appliances. I nudged her foot with my knee.

Her eyes snapped open and she looked down at me, before sitting up and removing her headphones. "Hey, something wrong?"

"No, I just wanted to say hi. I heard about your run in with Hitoshi."

With a grimace, she touched her hair tentatively. "Oh yeah, that. So where were you? Treasa told me you got back but when I went to find you, you weren't there and Gypsy was gone."

"Oh, I was out with Tala."

"Oh right, I remember now. So how was your thing with Dicklyn?"

I thumped down on the bed beside her feet, moving my bangs out of my eyes with a careless toss of my head. "It was good. Look, I know what happened with Arista, and I'm not condoning what Brook did, but honestly, I didn't know about it and even now when I do, that's not going to change my relationship with him. He's a friend and he helped with Mystel 'Ro, I can't just turn my back on him when he didn't do that to me."

Shahero rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry, I just was worried that maybe you and him-"

Sensing where this was going, I jumped in. "No, no way. Not a snowballs chance in hell of that ever- ick! The most we'll ever be is friends and even that is tentative at best. I care about him, he's genuinely a good person deep down but there's nothing else there."

"Ok Ams, just don't expect me to jump on the 'Brooklyn's-just-misunderstood' band wagon any time soon, I still think he's a dick for what he did."

"He's a regular dickhead." I claimed with a shrug. "That's just Brook for ya but he does have a really nice side."

"Yeah so Ris claimed before he cheated on her."

I winced. Ouch. Match and point to Shahero. Oh well, I wasn't here to promote love for Brooklyn. He'd made his own bed where these guys were concerned. In addition, he didn't help matters by putting himself and Kai in hospital. Speaking of… "Hey how well do you know that Kai bloke?"

"Kai? He's Miyami's closest friend, Russia's cousin, and after I beat him up when I first came here, we became friends. Not as close as Johnny, and me but yeah he's a good enough friend. Why?"

"Because he basically gave me a good grilling over being late to meet up with you for lunch."

Shahero choked back a laugh and rubbed her cheek. "Oops. Um, yeah Kai can be temperamental and he likes punctuality in people, especially when it regards his friends."

"Great, well next time call off the guard dog. Seriously, the guy seems pretty moody. And he knocked me over like a tenpin skittle thingy."

Shahero snickered. "Oh don't mind him, he likes his moods but like Brooklyn, he's got a nice side."

I stuck out my tongue quickly withdrawing it when I caught sight of the red luminous numbers on her radio alarm clock. "Ah shit. Gotta go, Mari threatened me about not being on MSN." I got off the bed and headed for my room, shutting the door behind me when I entered.

Mystel was stretched out on my bed, much like Shahero on her own. I ran my gaze leisurely over him, taking in the long legs, the narrow hips, trim stomach broadening out over his chest and shoulders, to his face, his stunning Greek god face. His face should have been arrogant with those plains and angles working so well together but it wasn't; his eyes took all that away and made his face youthful and stunning, so fresh and bright, full of… life. Full of a non-existent life. I wanted to curl up against him, slip my hand under his shirt and run it over the hard plains of his smooth stomach, to feel the warmth from his tanned flesh and the contours of his ribs, the smooth line of his sternum, the dip of his navel and feel the way he sucks in a breath at my touch…

"_Amber you're staring_."

I snapped out of my reverie sharply and blushed. Oh god, how wrong was lusting after a ghost, even if the ghost was my dead boyfriend. It was wrong. Besides, I wouldn't have been able to do any of what I'd fantasized about. After all, he wasn't corporeal and even if he were, he wouldn't be warm but cold, so very cold. I didn't want to think of him as cold, he'd always been warm. I didn't even go to see his corpse at the wake, Claude did and it broke him. When Brooklyn and I saw him, his face screwed up in agony, we both couldn't do it. Mum tried to make me, Brooklyn told her to "back the fuck off". I'd been shocked by the tone of voice and language he'd used on my mother, and to a degree so had she, but being a nurse and having dealt with grieving people, she understood he was just hurt, angry, all the things I'd been numb against. Maybe that was why he was here, why I saw him. I hadn't seen him dead, so I didn't have the same closure Mariah and the others had, he could still be real to me but not to them. They'd seen the vessel left behind when his spirit had fled.

I tried to smile at him, noticing the glimmer of concern in those ocean blue, not like the Atlantic because it's always a stormy grey, but a Mediterranean blue, so clear and warm. I knelt beside the socket and plugged in the extension cord for the computer and TV, the static 'zong' of the TV pierced the silence followed by the 'titch' of the computer monitor as the electric rushed into them both. I picked up the remote and flicked the red on button without even looking at the TV as I passed it to kneel by the computer and switched it on. The monitor flickered and began its process of powering up while the TV slowly cleared into a colour picture and Adam Brody or Seth Cohen from the OC began to speak rapidly and neurotically to Summer. I had been hooked on the OC sometime over the spring before hand and now the new series was on and I just couldn't really get into it anymore. Sometimes I wondered if American teenage dramas actually reflected American Teenage lives or did they just glamorise them to make America be something it really isn't. I couldn't see half of what happened to Seth, Marisa, Ryan and Summer happening to teenagers in Ireland. Either we were much more cynical and sensible, or it happened, just not to a certain group of people but a bunch of individuals with no links.

My desktop appeared with Mystel's face grinning at me, the picture had been taken shortly before his death, just because Mariah had gotten a camera and wanted to get some snapshots of her friends. I liked this one the most out of all of them, it just seemed to capture his youth and innocence and love of life more than anything else did. The sunlight glinted off his platinum blond hair, turning it a mixture of gold, cream, white, silver and blond. I logged onto the internet, and listened to the whistle as it dialled up and connected while keeping one ear on the telly and loading up a game of spider solitaire that, since Mystel showed me how to play, I'd become a master at -well as long as there was only one suit.

"_So are you going out with Tala this weekend_?"

I glanced over at him and frowned as he scratched his stomach. "Can you actually get an itch?"

He blushed, a tint of rose under the bronzed skin. "_Not really, force of habit. I miss simple things such as scratching and needing to go to the toilet._"

I bit my lip. I didn't mean to bring up painful reminders that he was dead, and calling him dead boy probably was the most hurtful thing I could do. I slipped on to the chair opposite the computer and looked at him. "I'm sorry. I keep forgetting how this must be for you."

"_I've had months to deal with this, I'm ok. So who's on line?_"

Casting a glance at my friends list, I noted four were on line. Two were busy -one being on the phone, the other just being away- and two were free to talk, I presumed. "Four, Mari and Mattie, who are probably talking to each other, Michael is on the phone, probably to Bethan because she ain't got the internet and no amount of persuasion will get her parents to get it to her and finally Claude, but he's away."

"_He's probably doing his homework._"

"Or avoiding Mattie." I grumbled.

"_You're always seeing the worst in people._"

I winced at his accusation. "I'm not, but he might be."

"_He has no reason to_."

I gazed at him coolly. "Yeah he does." at Mystel's dubious look, I squirmed. "Alright, maybe he doesn't. I don't know. I was just… Ugh, never mind."

A cheerful 'ping' alerted me to Mariah wanting to talk. Opening the window, I squinted against the fluorescent pink text. "Ah, jaysus, this is one of those times I wish I were colour blind or something. Why does she insist on using such a bright colour?"

"_Why do you insist on using purple or navy_?"

"Because they're the least gross colours I have on my palate. Would you prefer perhaps, puke green or aqua? Hmm, yeah aqua sounds good. Take this Mariah."

Mariah - I can't think of a better name so piss of dickwad says: **What took you so long?**

I'M MOVING AWAY :'( says: **:growls: I'm here now, aren't I?**

"_Ooh testy_."

"Bite me. Besides, I couldn't have gotten here any quicker."

"_You could have but you were too busy flirting with Tala._"

I whipped my head round so fast I think I gave myself whiplash. Tentatively I massaged my neck while gaping at him. "I wasn't flirting with him? How could you think that? You don't really think that me and him…? No! What part of I love you did you not understand? I can't, couldn't move on so… no!"

He closed his eyes and sighed. "_I was only… Shit, look I'm sorry, I didn't mean it._"

I ducked my head and studied the keyboard. "I… how… I like Tala; he's a nice guy. I don't feel anything else towards him."

"_I know. Nevertheless, Amber, someday you will move on. I know I have to be happy about it, but it's still going to hurt_."

"I know. However, you have nothing to worry about. Not for a long time anyway." I told him cheerfully while hoping that I could keep that promise. I turned back to the screen.

Mariah - I can't think of a better name so piss of dickwad says: **Amber?**

Mattie 'Pierce the hedgehog is sick' says: **Has she left? You shouldn't have been so harsh with her, she's bound to be busy getting settled in.**

Mariah - I can't think of a better name so piss of dickwad says: **She wasn't busy; she was in a field.**

Mattie 'Pierce the hedgehog is sick' says: **Probably exercising Gypsy.**

Mariah - I can't think of a better name so piss of dickwad says: **But I wanted to catch up with her! I wanted to find out how her first day went. Was she lonely? Were they horrible to her?**

I'M MOVING AWAY :'( says: **Aw, it was terrible. They strung me up in front of the whole school and laughed at me. I could barely walk at the end of the day and tomorrow they're going to burn me on the ritual fire! Mariah you ha**

I'M MOVING AWAY :'( says: **had me all set up to believe they'd hate me on my first day. Turns out, they're just normal teenagers just like us.**

Mariah - I can't think of a better name so piss of dickwad says: **Well all those shows I watch, the new kid always gets in trouble with the popular kids.**

I'M MOVING AWAY :'( says: **Note to Mariah, stop watching so much TV.**

Mattie 'Pierce the hedgehog is sick!' says: **I agree Mariah should stop watching so much TV, but Amber you were just as bad. Look, I'm happy you had such a good day.**

I'M MOVING AWAY :'( says: **Well today was ok, but god knows how tomorrow will be and it helps that I have Shahero and my family are pretty well known because they originate around these parts, all the same, I could end up getting on the wrong side of someone tomorrow.**

Mattie 'Pierce the hedgehog is sick' says: **Don't be such a pessimist!**

Mariah - I can't think of a better name so piss of dickwad says: **Yeah you'll be fine. Have you met anyone interesting? Oh, tell me about Tala.**

Mattie 'Pierce the hedgehog is sick' says: **Who's Tala?**

I blew out a breath, shifted in my seat, and looked at Mystel. My fingers itched to trace the plains of his face, he was so perfect. I turned my fingers back to the keyboard.

I'M MOVING AWAY :'( says: **Tala's a friend. He's a really nice guy, no more, no less. I can talk to him. Oh and I saw Brooklyn today.**

Mattie 'Pierce the hedgehog is sick' says: **Really?**

Mariah - I can't think of a better name so piss of dickwad says: **How is he? I heard he's going to college in Letterkenny but I didn't think he'd go see you.**

I'M MOVING AWAY :'( says: **Oh, he didn't come to see me. His girlfriend or whatever goes to the same school as me, so he came to collect her. I was just an added bonus to his otherwise dreary day.**

Mariah - I can't think of a better name so piss of dickwad says: **LOL. I'm sure he was ecstatic to see you.**

I snorted and stifled a laugh. "He wasn't actually that bad. I can see why you two were friends. I still think he's a prat though."

Mystel chuckled and rolled over the bed but there was no sound from the bed, no creases in the quilt. "_Admit it; you're secretly in love with him. I was just the next best thing._"

I tried to smile but couldn't quite drum one up but then something occurred to me. "Hey did you know about Arista?"

"_Brooklyn's a private sort of guy-_"

I tsked disgustedly. "Of course you knew. Dammit how come you didn't tell me?"

"_What would that change?_"

"I don't know but I'd rather hear it from you or Brooklyn, not Tala. Hey, does Arista know about you?"

Mystel squirmed. "_What do you mean by 'know about me'_?"

"Oh god, she does, doesn't she? Ah, Mystel!" I growled under my breath. Ah jeez, this is just what I needed to hear. Arista would figure out how Mystel was linked to me and then… well I wasn't sure what would happen then, probably a lot of sympathetic looks and a disability to move on.

"_Hey I didn't know who you would and wouldn't encounter after I died. I didn't see her and think-_"

"You met her?"

"_Well kind of, kind of not. She and Brooklyn were close, really close. It was kind of scary, I mean you and me were always tight, we accepted we'd be together but we'd been friends since forever and it was a natural progression, but Arista and Brooklyn, they clicked in a way I don't think anyone was expecting, for people so young, I didn't expect such a tight bond. Brooklyn was a different guy around her. Gentler… I don't know how to describe it Ams._"

"When-" I cast my mind back and tried to focus on a time when Brooklyn was… happier for lack of a better word. It was there at the back of my mind but I couldn't pull it forward, but it was there… "He was… It freaked me out."

"_Yeah you thought he had some master plan to humiliate you or something equally stupid._"

"Hey! I resent that, anyway if your mortal enemy starts smiling and being nice to you, you'd be a little wigged as well. Especially since, he pretty much disliked me. However, it was really gradual wasn't it? He came back to school after that weekend and he was just in a good mood, but the good mood lasted for an age, and then he came back as vile as ever."

"_Yeah they broke up._" he said softly, his voice sending a vibration down my spine.

"He cheated on her."

"_I wouldn't be so quick to judge Ams, there was more to it than that, and I know it._"

I groaned. "Dammit you're right." I scowled at the computer screen where Mattie and Mariah were fighting over Pierce Mattie's pet hedgehog and occasionally asking where I'd disappeared too. "Stupid Brooklyn can't just be evil."

"_Nope, he was cursed with that good gene_."

I snarled at him; then sighed. A jitter of butterflies soared to life in my stomach and I was appalled to realize that I was actually looking forward to this year. Oh, some deity help me.

**

* * *

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**Well there's another amazing chapter by myself… well amazing might be a strong for it but it's not bad right? So feel free to email me and give me your opinion and anything you'd like to see happen in future chapters. Ciao.**

**Armith-Greenleaf**: Yeah aptitude tests really annoy me. They really do think we're idiots. Yes this one is rated M for slightly darker themes and slightly more adult things than is in the first SLTS story. Though I'm not going to be writing anything graphic if I can help it. Religion in Ireland, you can't escape it. It's every where. They don't say on the news that a man was killed, they specify which denomination the man was. Like say a Protestant man was killed or a Catholic woman was killed. You can't be a person, you have to be a religion. Politics is really annoying here. I'm not too sure on the various political parties I have to represent me so I don't vote but I get my point across through writing. As for Amber staring at his ass, well it was pressed up against her desk. I prefer eyes on a guy, I mean an ass is nice and everything, but eyes tell you something about the person. Hope you like the surprise mystery guest, lol.

**Caroline**: I've forgotten your penname which I'm kicking myself for. Kai seems hotter in this one? God the guy just gets better and better, lol. I like him in this one, lol. I love that feeling I get when an author I've been waiting for reviews on the day that I think, I hope she reviews. Makes me feel all witchy, lol. I hope you like this chapter. It was very emotional for me to write and though there was no Kai, he was mentioned and he's in the next two for sure.

**Chikaitou-411:** I'm thinking in future it would be better not to ever put in a cliffie again. It seems to invoke bad karma on me. My internet has screwed itself over since I'm on dial up and something's interfering with the phone line so the speed which is needed to upload stories is severely low. So expect all updates after this one to be very, very slow. I think all school systems in Ireland are like this, but then how many stories about Irish schools are there? So what do you think of my mystery person, huh? Were you expecting him?

**Serphism: **Yeah magnificent start to the review. So original, how long did it take you to come up with it? LOL! Well Amber should settle in quick enough since she's not alone and has landed in with a good crowd. Kai was surprisingly civil, not so much in the coming chapters. Kai and Mimi are best friends. He's her closest male friend, Amber being closest female at times. LOL, it's not Mystel.

**ArcadaAvalon: **Heylo! How's you? Meh, my writings ok, I guess. It's no better than anyone else's. I've just been writing longer. Now you and Coors on the other hand, wait til you two reach my age and then we can compare to see who's better. You two have so much talent for such young people. Lol, saying that makes me sound really old but you know what I mean. Starting from an age like that is perfect for making stronger writers. You two will surpass my writing in no time and I'll feel like such a tag along, lol. Narky Sharky, I may have Arista call him that. He does act that way quite a lot. Crushes are all well and fine but Amber's not out for crushes! I'm giving out hints here and there on how Mysty died, so you have to piece them together and what would you talk to a dead guy about? I'm running out of ideas, lol. Need to find some dead people, lol.

**Signourney: **I love Mystel. He's so refreshing compared to the deep, dark and broody Kai, the super smark and sexy Tala, the flirtatious and fiery Johnny and the private but passionate Bryan. If you'd like, I could mix in a few flashbacks, sort of dreams of when Mystel was alive or something like that to give you a clue on how they were together. Hmm, wonder why they don't like Ming Ming... Ian is... I don't really know why I'm so infatuated with him but him and Enrique can never be ignored in my fics and they're not really as big in the plot as say Tala and Kai would be, but they matter, ya know? I don't understand it myself but I love Ian and I'm going to have to find him a woman. No girl in the beyblade world suits him to my thinking, so I may have to draft myself a new character for him... not sure on that but when discussing it with a friend, we decided a Becca type girl from Yugioh. Emily would work but she and Max, it's a pairing I'm not messing with. Hitoshi asks for it! Honest, behind the scenes when the camera isn't on him, he's causing all sorts of mischief, groping hands and lame innuendos but I must give him some limelight too. So did you like my mystery guest?

**Grandsummon: **Mint milkshake? Ugh, are they nice? I suppose it's like mint ice cream but, I think I'd stick with strawberry. Oh I remember my portfolio, I still have it and the menial group of certificates. It was lousy how our TY was fucked up by the foot and mouth epidemic. I never did fill in those work sheets for the teacher after our days out, I just never could be bothered. Nice shoulders, backs and voices are always great on a guy. Except we seem to have guys with skinny necks and spotty backs and the common as muck voices! God what I'd give for a guy with some culture who could wrestle sheep... LOL! Ok that brought an interesting image to mind, but you know what I mean. Not one of those weird culchie farmer boys with weird infatuations with sheep but a strong, fit, and intelligent man... LOL! Yeah it was like a sex therapist for animals, mainly bugs who I never really thought about having sex... And birds too... I mean sheep and Cows and dogs and horses and all them, well they have their utensils in their places and it's not hard to understand but bugs? And the whole show was more about female promiscuity and how they'd do it with as many males as possible. I like the idea of animal's mating for life, like seahorses and wolves, but most females mate with every male, at least in the bug world they do... And I'm just imagining what someone would think upon coming across this reply without preknowledge of what you said... Hmmm. But two penis'... and is that even the correct grammatical spelling? Yeah Tala and Ruin will probably have a relationship... not quite sure how to develop it though. Everyone seems to love Ian now, I'm very pleased. Daichi is a pain in the anime, but so was Tyson in the first season but I adored him. I can't wait for G-rev, still haven't seen hair nor hide of it yet, just enjoying waking the Dragons on Yugioh because Valon is cute yet oh so annoying. no Kai in this chapter, but he's in the next couple for sure. Kai and Tala are relatively the same in the hot-o-meter but Tala looks good straight away while Kai has the voice thing going for him even though they make him look like pants in the anime. I never got money for modelling, then again it wasn't their exams but their mocks I was posing for and not because I wanted to! LOL! You're not the only one who doesn't like Ming Ming, I think it's because people like her are very common in Ireland, say one thing to your face but behind your back it's a different story. I loved my small history class and I wanted to imitate it in this story. Kai has no friends in it, which is kind of like Craig who I adopted because he had the green packet of skittles in every class and he sat beside me and reluctantly fed me. Did you hear about the bus crash in Meath? I might try bringing that into the story, people need to be more aware of how dangerous school transport is. Oh that wasn't such a perverted comment, I have heard worse, much worse. Lol, yeah you could say Mysty has taste. Oh you're thinking of number twelve, Nothing but you. I like number 11: The devil you know, number nine: Virgin State of Mind, number seven: Lucky; and fifteen: Pain as well as sixteen charge. Lol. I like the whole album. I didn't get the musical sound track though some of the songs were hilarious. Enrique's adorable. Oh we had a canteen that put the food up by five cent every term, it was horrible. Then my friend Edele went to work in the tuck shop and gave us aero bars for like two cent or about eight for eleven, lol. Well he's Russian but he can learn Irish, why not? It's fun... Ok it's really not but who cares. Yeah lets stay away from the Hollandish girl cos having a twenty eight year old boyfriend... well that's weird, even for me.

**Paris Super Girls: **Heylo! So you finished your exams, huh? I hope you passed. Lol, there's a lot of love for Zareth and Russia which is good to see. Yeah poor Ming having an interest in Kai, not always the easiest person to be interested in. LOL, yeah I guess Mystel really shouldn't have died, but he did and Amber has to move on.

**g--b-S-t-E-r07: **I'm not fond of cliffhangers too but they keep people interested, I don't use very many cliffhangers usually because I deal with one month at a time when I'm in the middle of a story, so I rarely use cliffhangers. But I had to use this one. He's like the most unexpected person for me to use. I think we're pretty much done with the introduction of characters but I will be going more in depth with the characters now. The story will be moving along now but the action will be a long way off. I have to set the stage. Shahero and Hitoshi are a completely volatile pair and sometimes I think I make them too tame, lol. Ugh, I never got to study very many other countries in my history class. We didn't go into depth with America and we didn't study Britain at all unless it had something to do with Ireland and we spent one double class on Northern Ireland. I adore Tala too, he's like the one character who is in every chapter, lol.

**BlackMoonSky0000: **Sorry about the wait for the update. My internet service has been acting up lately and it won't be fixed. Well you're right, who wouldn't feel sparks for Kai, but Amber's not going to just jump him because she believes in more than just casual lust. A leprechaun is a small, tiny creature from Irish mythology that trick people. Supposedly if you catch one it will grant you gold or luck. But leprechauns are everything Irish, really. They represent Ireland.

**ButterCup: **LoL, I love your long reviews. ugh, Wakadoodle, My old computer teacher, was a mean person. She would never let us listen to music or go on the net. An earwig is a very slim beetle with little horns on it's mouth part, they really gross me out. i know there's another name for them but I can't remember. But I remember someone telling me that they would go into someone's ear and bury themselves deep in the ear and the doctor would need to remove them. Gross, huh? Kai is really cool anywhere, lol. He and Amber aren't going to be enemies, just not very good friends. They don't click the way she and Tala do but you really only see Amber's side to their story in this. Oh and hi back to chocoholic114, miss seeing her around recently.

**Kaieshakai: **Lol, hope you weren't disappointed by the mystery guest.

**nise-anjel: **I don't think my chapters are always great. Sometimes there are good parts in them but there are just as many dull parts too. Of course, I don't like hearing that I write dull pieces but I know it anyways, lol. Yeah she'll get into loads of trouble with this group of friends she's found, lol.

**WindWitch:** Ugh! How can there be no attraction between them? Lois and Clark are supposed to be together! Stupid directors! They have the superman films, cartoon, comic book and the series to follow and they can't do it right at all. He falls for her straight off the bat in each of those! But oh no, not in the early years... :growls: Hey I got a new anime film, Princess Mononoke. I was supposed to buy another sailor moon DVD but there were none, like none at all! So I got that, and Cowboy Bebop and Cardcaptors the movie. I want the second CCS movie but I didn't get it. Yeah Amber as a depressed person is so annoying because I want to throw in a few snippy comments but I know better. But she'll soon cheer up after all Mystel isn't completely gone. Yeah Zareth was finally introduced and he'll be appearing more hopefully. Yeah the Irish teacher is like my old Irish teacher miss Mulligan and my old physchology teacher who's name I can't remember. Perpetually cheerful. Yeah it's a he. Lol. I figured you might get it. I don't think I'd want a fourth season of beyblade, what if they give Kai a girlfriend? I'd be out of a job!

**eMiLy06: **LOL, can you tell she'll be Kai's love interest already? Damn... that subtlety didn't work. I hope you like this chapter, no Kai I'm afraid.

**Moi: **No that chapter wasn't one of my best but mostly I wasn't happy with it because in my mind I was writing chapter four, it was a chapter I was desperate to write ever since the first chapter. I guess it has gotten all of the character introductions out of the way though which is good, thank god. More time to deal with the actual story. More Kai soon.

**Ryouya-Kyuuketsuki: **I don't write many cliffhangers unless absolutely necessary and this was one of those times. This was one of my favorite chapters. Such an interesting relationship to write about.

**Alexys: **I'll always try to keep two weeks in between TFG and SLTS and I'll pop DC in between when I feel like it, lol.

**Wanted: **Yeah there were loads of groups in my school but they weren't as clear as they are on those american tv shows. Irish or Gaelic, both are the same. I call it Gaelic, some would call it Irish.

**Miss Wright: **Yes more Kai in future chapters. Ming Ming's obsession scares Amber I think. But she's refreshing to write about. It's hard to think of the revenges those two would do. Miyami will have a love interest as soon as I sort it out, I promise.


	5. Family & Fate

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Beyblade. I do however own Amber Benson. Shahero belongs to Coors. Miyami to Understudy, Arista to Arcada, Aspin to Animerle, Russia to Zimo, Sonia to SpitfireSae, Kirby to KindredInsanity. Everything else, basically belongs to me unless it belongs to Ireland...

A.N.: I haven't much to say, sorry for the long wait but it really wasn't my fault. But I'll not bother you with trivialities of my life and let you read chapter five. Hope you enjoy. There's some Kai for you Kai fans, andsomeTala for Mike, don't you love me. LMAO!(don't hurt me!)

Chapter Five: Family and Fate

The sun was shining warm on my face as I sat on the doorstep listening to my Nana humming inside the kitchen as she made scones. I don't know why she insisted on making scones on such a nice day and it was warm inside because the range -which heated the entire house-, was stifling hot. Outside even though the sun shone, it was cool with the breeze. I tossed my head back and let the zephyr lift my hair from my shoulders. It was the Saturday after my first week at school and overall, school wasn't very bad. I had nice friends; I had great friends who only lived a few hours away. I may not see them every day but I talked to them regularly this past week and we were going to go to the cinema soon, in a fortnight or so.

Fluffy white clouds zipped past, carried on the warm breeze. Leaning back on my elbows, I began to imagine the various shapes. Since we rarely got clouds like these, I liked to revert to my childish game, Mystel did it often enough. It was one of his things, like taking time to smell the roses, if you didn't how were you supposed to appreciate life? See, why would they or God or whoever take someone who actually liked being alive? Why don't they take all those cowards who choose suicide as the way out or kill off some of the rebel army members? People would probably cheer if that happened.

I grimaced as I felt a twinge of regret for saying that. I felt as though I'd spoken out of place in front of my master and was now going to be flogged for it. It's amazing the fear that religion has instilled in me. My first real memory of church is sitting in the front row of church with this formidable man on the pulpit shouting, "God is a Vengeful God!" That freaked me out. Then there was the minister who told us we shouldn't marry Catholics… I got up and walked out of church for that one, following my Dad. For all the bad things about my Dad, he had his good points, like walking out of church when the Minister was going over the time limit and making him late for an Orange service. The rest of the Orange Men always followed him; it was somewhat cool. My Dad's a leader, never has been a follower. I think I get some of that from him and then because my mother isn't big into confrontations, I kind of back down a little. It's contradictory but hey, c'est la vie, no?

Little tornadoes of dust sprinted along the concrete yard, halted in their tracks by the metal gate that led out onto the mud-caked lane leading to the farmyard. A roaring tractor engine told me my uncle Rory was out there getting some work down. Outside the gate Brandy and Apple -don't ask; my cousin Stephanie came up with the names- were sniffing around a pile of gravel stones, occasionally sniffing each other's butt just for variety.

Nana's voice rose as she sang along with the Elvis CD. Everyone in my family is obsessed with this man and I don't see the big deal. Maybe unconsciously fighting for my mother's affection with him made me dislike him. Sounds reasonable enough for me, I'm sure some therapist would agree. I glanced at my watch. 15:28. Almost a half, so I had another half hour before Tala would be arriving. Supposedly, from what Nana said, he lived up the big bray at the bottom of the lane. The bray isn't that long but god is it steep. I was not looking forward to walking it.

I looked up as Rory's curse echoed through out the yard. The dogs trotted off to find out what was wrong, but I stayed put. There wasn't much I'd be able to do about it anyway, so I figured I was safe to just sit here on the steps.

Mystel doesn't really pop up when I'm here at Nana's. We kind of found out that Nana has some kind of sixth sense and well, she just seems to know that something's around and that makes us both twitchy. I never really believed the little banishing things my Nana did when I was a child but now I'm not risking it. For crying out loud, I'd never even believed in Ghosts, not really, I mean I knew there were spirits or I guessed there were but well, seeing is believing right? Therefore, we agreed that he wasn't allowed to haunt around Nana's. He resents the word haunt though, says it makes him sound malevolent, something he really couldn't be unless he was possessed.

"Amber are you planning on helping me or are you gonna sit out there on your arse all day?"

"Sitting on my arse sounds really good!" I called back, grinning when I heard her huff.

Dusting off the grains of concrete and dust from my hands, I rose to my feet and headed into the dim kitchen, blinking a few times to adjust my eyes to the lack of light. "Nana, why do you have to bake when you could be out in your garden?"

"I always bake a Scone or two on Saturdays."

"Tradition can be broken, Nana." I mumbled, crossing to the sink and rising off my hands thoroughly. "Something's wrong with Rory, he's cursing and he hardly ever curses about anything."

"Must be that damn tractor of his, always giving him some trouble or something."

"Why doesn't he go get Seth to fix it for him?"

"Why don't you go see your father?"

I cast her a dark look. "That's different. Seth and Rory get along, Seth didn't desert Rory."

"Didn't he?" she asked with a twinkle in her evergreen eyes. Her wild mop of red hair was tinted grey at the temples but she made no move to cover it up, it's just not in her nature to hide behind anything. Nana Molly is a matriarch, she's always commanded this family.

"The farm always goes to the oldest boy." I retorted tartly. "Besides Seth never was into farming so much, was he? He and Dad always skived off whenever they got the chance."

"Hmm." Nana murmured, kneading the dough with her hands. "So when is that Valkov boy coming down for you?"

"Um, around four he said." I sprinkled a handful of flour over the white plastic board and handed her the rolling pin, my eyes travelling out to the field in the distance. I'd once created -with the help of Ozuma- a swing on one of those sycamore trees. With a strong blue rope and a tire, we played for hours out there until Nana sent Bryan to fetch us, but we only got him to help us create another swing. It was simple enough, a blue rope and a thick twig. We'd scramble up onto the bank of the hedge and then run in an arc, and the rope tightened on the run, before we'd lift our legs off the ground and swing the rest of the way back. We played on the swings for most of the week we'd been here, and to avoid going home, I went out to the swings while Mum looked everywhere for me. I guess all our swinging must have weakened the branch, because I'd been swinging around the arc and the branch snapped. I hit the ground from a good height with no time to brace myself. Scared the shit out of myself. I really did. Did my neck in too, now it gets knotted easily and I can strain the muscles without any serious movement.

I jolted back to reality when Nana whacked me none too gently with the rolling pin. "Shit, ow! What the hell was that for?"

"Watch your mouth or I'll wash it out wit' soap and water."

I winced and nursed my tender hand. "Ow."

"Where did you go?"

"I didn't go anywhere." I mumbled sullenly.

"Well you didn't hear a word I said, did you?"

"I was just thinking, why what did you say?"

"I was just pointing out that, that Valkov boy has a good head on his shoulders. Couldn't do much better than him. He'll be a rich one in a few years, got a good way with the sums."

I groaned and felt like banging my head against a brick wall. Instead, I settled for inhaling a cleansing breath slowly. "Nana… I'm not looking for another boyfriend. Tala is just a friend, and that's what I need right now. Nothing more, nothing less."

"You can't mourn Mystel forever."

Bejesus woman! "I'm not planning too!" Christ it would be nice to fucking mourn him for a little while but because I haven't cried over him that much then I must be completely over him and ready to move on to the next guy who I can claim I love. Sometimes I wonder just how shallow they believe me to be?

"You're a young girl; I don't want you resigning yourself to a half life."

"I won't. I can be perfectly happy on my own."

"Can you?" she demanded dusting off her hands and turning to face me.

I didn't look at her; instead, I looked out at the yard that was now shadowed by a cloud passing over the sun. I had been asking myself this question as well. I had never been on my own, not really. Mystel had always been there, and now he was gone, how could I continue without him? Was it even possible? All the same, I wasn't looking for someone to fill the void in my life.

A chain rattled and I cast a glance at the King Charles spaniel who was lounged out in his bed watching us. He huffed out a breath and raised his brown eyes to mine. He looked fed up and I could echo his feelings. I was fed up. I was fed up of sympathetic looks. I was fed up of well meaning 'move on with your life' speeches and I was fed up with life in general.

I sighed heavily. If I stayed here, I'd only end up blowing up at Nana. She was only pointing out what I needed to do but I thought she could understand. She lost Granddad but did she just pick up the pieces and move on or did she find someone else to march over the pieces as though they weren't even there?

The back door slammed and a few seconds later Rory walked in, scooping off his cap and placing it on the old tanned range. He swiped his hand over his brow and sighed, looking up at us. "Something wrong here?"

"Nope."

"Nothing's wrong Rory." Nana stated as she began to cut the dough into little round discs.

I knelt down before the cupboard beneath the counter in front of me and opening it, I pulled out a small pot. "So is there something wrong with the tractor?"

"Aye that new one's acting the bugger."

"You going to call Seth to fix it?"

"I figure so," he muttered striding to the phone and punching in Seth's number. I surveyed Rory. He had taken the red hair of his mother and had chopped it short so it wouldn't cause him any discomfort when he wore the cap, I guess. His face was strong and masculine, if a little weather beaten from the time he spent outside. His eyes were blue like Dad's, only milder without the full punch of power my Dad's carried. He was bulkier around the shoulders than either Dad or Seth, but he was still as trim and athletic due to the physical work he often had to do. He was the oldest of Nana's children at 50 something.

I turned back to what I was doing. Cutting out a lump of butter, I placed it in the saucepan and took it over to the range, leaving it on the warm lid to the fire so it could melt. Idly I was aware of Rory talking to Aubrey, telling her that he had problems starting the tractor and wanted Seth to come over. I glanced at the clock. Still had twenty minutes to wait.

Unsure what to do with myself, I studied my nails for a few minutes, before lifting the flour packet and began to read the contents. I raised my gaze at Nana's frustrated sigh.

"What?"

"You have the attention span of a three year old," she claimed and I shrugged. This I already knew, so it wasn't a big news flash to me. I did have a short attention span so when bored; I occupied my brain with reading material, whether it was a book or a carton of cereal. I think Mum taking the cereal box away from the table at breakfast put me off eating cereal, it was boring and I had to sit at the table until I ate it. I didn't see the point of wasting time sitting and doing nothing but eating soggy wheat so I went without cereal.

"Amber, I didn't mean that you had to forget Mystel, but lamenting his loss is not going to make things any easier on yourself. I'm alright, I had me farm and me children to occupy me time, you're a young girl, a young and very beautiful girl," she said passionately, capturing my face between her cool floured hands. I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat that her words had instilled concentrating on her touch. It still amazed me how soft those hands were even with all the physical labour she did. She smelt like roses, soft and feminine. A contradiction to the woman I had feared as a child because she'd been so formidable. "I just don't want you to be lonely because it does happen."

"I doubt I'll be lonely Nana." Not with Mystel haunting me and for the first time, I actually felt good about having him around, not guilty. Of course, thinking about the guilt made me feel guilty for being pleased about not being guilty… Man emotions and guilt are an annoying complex to suffer from.

"I hope not Amber. _Is breá liom tusa_."

"Yeah, yeah, I love you too." I muttered feeling my cheeks heat. It has to be easier to say you love someone in another language but there's power in someone telling you they love you in their native tongue. Or what should be a native tongue, most of Ireland despised Irish but at the same time, the GA supporters would be very much in support of saving the language.

"Aye, grand, thanks Seth." Rory finished and eyed us speculatively. "You've got flour on your cheeks Amber."

I blinked and reached up to my face. I felt the fine dusting of the flour and I glared at my grandmother. "Nana!"

She threw her head back and laughed so hard, I couldn't help but join in while Rory leaned himself against the table and observed his slightly mental mother. While Nana laughed, I turned to him. "Where's Hannah?"

"Off shopping." He replied, gazing out at the river in the distance. I followed his gaze and watched the white dots I recognized as swans bobbing about on the gently lapping waves.

"You get those sheep dosed?" Nana asked as she placed her little dough discs onto a flat greased tray.

"Aye, I did. There are a few that need weighing and I'll get them off to the mart on Monday, a few need to be taken to the factory-" he smothered a smile as I balked. I hated hearing about the factory. I don't mind eating lamb, mutton, or anything like that, I just like living in my ideal world where the meet is just magically summoned to the supermarket. It wasn't a live creature; it's just meat. I don't link the name of the meat to the animal with the same name.

"One of them's lost its tag so I have to send away for the documents."

The foot and mouth epidemic really hit the sheep farmers hard, now there are all these laws and red tape to make sure people know where their meat has come from or where the sheep they bought originated. I'm sure the government feels this is necessary but it's a real hassle to farmers, who don't have secretaries to push the paper for them. Moreover, with so many restrictions on them, it's not worth being a farmer anymore. Therefore, the government wins. The farmers give up and sell their land and the government sweeps in with their grants to persuade European and American companies to come build there factories here. Ireland was supposed to be a big farming island, the Emerald Isle known for its green land that stretches for miles, but the way the government goes on, it's not going to remain green much longer.

"So uh, Rory, do you know much about the stables?"

"Hiwatari's stables?"

"Ah for crying out loud call him Nicolai, y'd think y' didn't know him all that well."

"I don't." Rory retorted. "He was James friend, not mine so much."

I frowned. "Dad's friend?"

"Aye, you know Nicolai."

"Oh right the illustrious Godfather." I rolled my eyes. How bloody mob-like does that sound? Like I really need a godfather with my family. Moreover, why didn't Dad choose someone like his brother Seth? Or even Rory or Anne and Crane? "So he owns the stables?"

"Aye. Why'd you ask?"

"Oh, well supposedly he's looking for a mare to breed with his Stallion."

"Who'd you hear that from? That Valkov boy I suppose, he and Nicolai's boy are always up to something."

"You're not thinking of breeding Gypsy, are you?" Rory inquired, shifting and crossing his ankles.

"Well, I don't know. She's of breeding age and she's got good blood, why not?"

"Amber… if you breed her, you put her out of commission for 11 months, or more. Do you really want to miss out on the shows?"

I gazed at him coolly. I didn't have to give an answer; he already knew it.

"Why?"

"Because."

"Leave her alone Rory." Nana snapped as Toby began to bark up a storm. "Ah there's Seth now. G'on you out there and see him, he's been asking for you."

I managed to smile at her, grateful for the escape she'd offered me. I fled the kitchen and out into the bright back yard. I felt the grin I'd wanted to give my grandmother spill over my face at the sight of the tall rangy man with black hair and vibrant green eyes. He looked up and I saw his face light up before I threw myself into his open arms. I buried my face into his chest and held onto him tightly, seeking comfort from him in a way I'd never seek comfort from any other adult.

"Hey there's my girl," he murmured, rubbing my back soothingly, a trait he used on me when I was just a young child. I took a shuddering breath and slowly released him, my grip on reality suddenly coming back and bringing me a clarity I didn't know existed. It was as if the world was out of kilter and Seth just put it back. He surveyed me with shrewd eyes. I always found it amusing to look at Seth when he was trying to be serious, because with his wild good looks, badass attitude still cloaking him from his teenage years and the humour that lurked in those eyes, he wasn't very good at being an adult.

He tilted my head back to study my face. "Is something wrong?" he asked quietly.

"No, no. I just…" I shook my head. "So how did you get here so quickly?"

He gave me a piercing look, as though wondering whether to let me change the subject or pursue his. Finally, he placed his thumbs in his jean pockets and cocked his hips, his head tilting into the sunlight. "Was delivering a part to a man close by, so I figured I'd just swing on by here on my way back and sort out Rory. What's wrong with him?"

"Ah the tractor won't start and since it's the new one, I figure that's why he's not tampering with it himself."

Seth's lips quivered. "Oh before I forget." he headed back to the white work van he used, with the words 'clean me' scrawled messily in the cake of dirt on the back doors. He yanked the passenger door and ducked his head in before emerging with a slim square in his hands. "Daichi told me to give you this if I happened to see you around the town and Aubrey wants you and your mam to call up sometime soon."

I took my CD and grinned. "Yeah sure no problem. If Aubrey's cooking is still the best in town, expect me and Shahero up every time Mom's on night work or whenever Hiroshi is at the gym or whenever we're hungry." I know, for a fact, that Shahero can be about as lazy as I can when it comes to taking care of ourselves, if there is an easy way out, we'll damn well take it. Aubrey is a very easy way out and- "Oh could you check out my Quad for me sometime. It's busted. I think the starters gone on it."

Seth shook his head. "That's all I seem to be fixing these days. Great business, but really lousy workmanship."

"Yeah it's the manufacturer rule. Only sell faulty goods so we'll buy the parts of them and they'll be rich."

"Seems like." he looked up as the dog door banged and Toby shot down the steps, immediately attacking Seth with his lethal nails. Seth barely stifled the wince before he tapped Toby's muzzle in a silent command for the dog to get down, which he did, settling for only sniffing Seth's jeans.

We stood in silence for a few minutes as Toby waddled off in search of new smells and to mark his territory. I pressed my lips together, wondering how I'd approach the subject. "Seth, you hung out with Dad a lot when you were younger, right?"

"Still do. Why?"

"Well see, he use to have a friend, Mr. Hiwatari, right?"

Seth peered at me curiously. "Yeah Nick."

"So you'd know him pretty well."

"I would. Something bothering you? He's your godfather, you know."

"I know. I just never really met him or talked to him."

Seth nodded and scuffed his toe on the concrete. "He's a good man. Owns the stables not far from yours. Has a son around your age, maybe a few months older, I think. Him and Ozuma both play on the football team, seems like he's got a good head on his shoulders, a bit of a loner at times, but a nice enough boy."

"Yeah Kai, I know him." when my uncle cast me a look, I quickly added. "We're in the same class and all and he's friends with Tala."

"Tala Valkov, aye I know him. Bit of a cocky so and so, but a damn smart kid, knows his way around motors so sometimes he comes down to help out at the garage but he's mostly only interested in his dogs."

I smiled. "Yeah, he should be coming down here in a moment to take me up to see them. But I was asking you about Mr. Hiwatari-"

"He'd get insulted if you called him that. You used to call him Uncle Nicky when you were younger."

"I don't think I remember him." I murmured.

"You probably don't but you used to visit him whenever you were over to see Mam. It was a long time ago, I guess you'd barely remember him at all but all the same, I'd wager he'd remember you, so be nice."

I smiled ruefully. "I'll try. Anyways, the reason I was asking was because I was wondering about his Stallion."

Seth quirked a brow. "You're going to have to be specific there, brat. He owns a stable, remember."

"I don't know his horses personally. I just know he has this Stallion he was thinking of breeding. It's supposed to be from a good bloodline-"

"Hold on a sec. You're thinking of breeding Gypsy?"

I nodded, slightly miffed with his tone. She was my damn horse, why did everyone else figure they had a right to say whether I bred her or not? It wasn't going to affect them. It wasn't like the foal would turn into a demon horse from god knows where and start attacking them periodically so they had to impose curfew in order to save themselves. Actually, that would be somewhat funny, just not highly original.

"I thought, if you bred her, you were planning to breed her with Poseidon."

I rolled my eyes. "Poseidon is a gelding. He got the snip and now no longer can have babies." I took succinct pleasure in telling my uncle this and watching the flinch when I mentioned the snip. It's amusing, guys always get twitchy around the word castration but I don't think any woman gets bothered by the words 'tubes tied', do they? Maybe it's just me.

"But what brought this on? When did you decide to breed her?"

I shrugged. "I just thought it would be nice to see her with a baby. Why do people do things like breed their animals? He wants to breed his Stallion, so ya know, my mare is a good horse and her baby could be worth a heck of a lot. I'd get some money for that and… well I'll see. I haven't made any decisions yet." My Dad is a lawyer; I don't rush into anything unless I've looked up all avenues.

"Well ok, I just thought you'd be doing some of the shows this year."

I shook my head. "Nah, I don't think so, Seth."

He shrugged and shielded his eyes from the sunlight with a cupped hand as he gazed off in to the distance. I heard the soft whisper of sound before I saw the reason for it. My head turned to the lane shrouded by a multicolour of shrubbery and my lips quivered involuntarily as I caught sight of the now familiar figure on the bicycle. He whizzed down over the bone jarring rocky path, over the cemented ground leading to the silage pit and slatted sheds, to pass us and skid to a halt.

"Hey Tala."

"Benz."

"Would you watch coming down that lane, god knows who could have been coming up it in a tractor!" Seth growled, his tone sharp, while Tala only shrugged.

"If I'd seen anyone I would have pulled over."

"You'd have been under the wheels before your fingers reached the breaks."

"What's with the bike?" I wondered vaulting the low stonewall to reach him and admire the silver painted BMX.

"Quad is out of action, this is the swiftest mode of transportation I now possess since my mother refuses to let me in the car without her."

I winced sympathetically. "Ouch, she trusts you that much, huh?"

He jerked a shoulder. "Way I see it, she just loves me so much, that should I die in a car crash she wants to go with me."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Like hell."

"Hey Seth, you busy?"

"I am. Why?"

"Need my quad seen to." Tala answered as he leaned down to ruffle Toby's ears.

"Not another one." Seth grumbled rubbing the back of his neck as though it was knotting at the sound of all these quads needing to be fixed. "Got an idea what's wrong with it?"

"Oh I'm not touching it. Mother says if I tinker with it, I'll only make it worse. So you get the honour. Besides I'm more likely to take the mallet to it instead of fix it."

Seth barked out a laugh. "In other words you took it apart, leaving oil all over your Mothers garage and ruining your clothes and you couldn't find what's wrong with it."

Tala looked sheepish before his gaze turned to the house. "Y' wouldn't know if Molly has any eggs about the place. Mother needs some and she doesn't want to head the whole way down to the shops."

I glanced down at the freezer room. "Try down in there. She should have some dozen boxes in the fridge."

Tala nodded and headed down to the freezer house which was just an extra room added to the house that couldn't be accessed in the house, you had to leave the house to get into it. It was filled with quite a lot of meaningless junk, gardening tools and water pistols and at least one skipping rope and tennis racket set. There were also, more importantly, two fridges and a freezer. In the bottom drawer of the freezer Nana use to hide all of her ice pops, whenever we came over to visit, the group of us would get Ozuma to distract Nana with really big questions and Daichi would then do some dare devil stunt and get hurt, while the rest being me, Kirby and Bryan, sometimes even Mystel, would work on getting the ice pops. We rarely succeeded, she hid them so well, but because Daichi usually did hurt himself, Nana would always give him an ice pop for being a brave boy and we'd get ones too just for being oh so brilliant.

"You and he seem to get on relatively well."

I bent my knees slightly so that Toby could use them to lay his paws on when he jumped up. I scratched behind his ears and turned to regard Seth. "Shouldn't I?"

"I'm not saying that you shouldn't, I was just commenting on it," he stated.

"Benz, I'll be out in a sec, just wanted to pay Molly." I nodded at Tala as he disappeared into the house and turned back to Seth.

"He's been really nice to me so far. It's just nice to have a friend."

Seth mulled that over, then sighed and slipped an arm around my shoulders. "Just trying to look out for you."

"I know. And thanks."

"Don't mention it. Ah, there's Rory. What's wrong with your tractor now then?"

"I think the filters need changed. The tractors air blocked. I drained the tank and refilled it again but it still won't start. I figure the filters clogged with dirt, this heat wave's making the ground dusty, more dirt than anything else in the air." Rory grumbled. He had to be extremely irate for him to talk this much since Rory didn't like to talk a lot, he did loads of thinking though and I guess with a job like farming, thinking is about the only thing you could do.

I watched them walk off discussing various ways to change the filter and what it could be if it wasn't the filter. Hoisting myself up onto the wall, I scanned the skies when I heard the high keen of a lonely buzzard followed by the outraged caw of several crows chasing it away. A cool breeze swept up from the river in the distance.

I glanced down at my CD. I knew Daichi had it all along and he tried to tell me he didn't; what a liar. I traced my fingers over the names of the songs and sighed.

"Hey, Benz, you ready to go?"

Tala came down the steps with Toby at his heels. I pushed myself away from the wall and dusted down my jeans. "So what are we doing?"

"Well, we'll head up to mine and then we'll get Mum to drive us down to Kai's because I really don't want to walk the distance in this heat, might not be too bad to walk home though. "

"Okie-dokie." I slipped my CD into my jacket pocket, glad that for such a small light jacket, the pockets were relatively big. "I'll go ask Nana if I can bring Toby along." I suggested before dashing into the house.

* * *

I shrugged out of my jacket and blew out a breath of air, fluttering my bangs out of my eyes. I'd had a fringe during the summer and a few weeks ago, I'd decided to grow them out. Right now, they'd be hanging into my eyes if I didn't part them every time I washed my hair, so instead they kind of framed my face, but often in heat they became limp and tried to fall into my eyes.

"Hot?" Tala asked as he settled down on the plastic chair opposite me. We were sitting in his mother's garden under the shade of a line of fir trees while his dogs, Peppy -who'd been run over twice on the same day by his mother- and Blitz loped around the garden alternating between marking the ground and sniffing Toby's butt while he waddled around exploring the garden.

"I'm not complaining." I protested, holding up a finger. "Good weather is rare, I am not complaining, but god that sun is hot."

He chuckled. "See that's where being a guy comes in great." he stood up and shrugged out of his t-shirt. I raised a brow. For a gangly teenage boy, he sure was built well. The shoulders were broad with strong lines and tendons, the sinuous muscle worked along his chest and along his taut stomach. His skin was snow pale, no mar or freckle in sight.

I hummed in appreciation. "Very nice show, Valkov, unfortunately I won't be doing the encore. Though, technically I don't see why girls can't parade around bare-chested without guys ogling them."

"If you want to go parading around bare-chested, I won't stop you. I'm all for women's rights."

I glared weakly at him, trying to fight the infectious grin tugging at my lips. Don't ask me why, but I really liked this guy. He reminded me of Mystel, yet didn't. However, more than liking him, I got a good feeling from him. Like I could trust him with anything and he wouldn't hurt me. It made me feel good.

I glanced down my chest, then at him. "Yeah, like that's going to happen this century."

He snorted back a laugh, shoving his t-shirt into his back pocket. I wondered how many times he'd used this move on girls to draw their attention to his ass, probably loads. However, this time there didn't seem to be any ulterior motive. Like Enrique, Tala seemed to be an incorrigible flirt, though with good reason. He was easily the most physically striking guy I'd come across so far -well from the new people I'd come across, Brooklyn and Mystel could give him a run for his money, or could _have_ in Mystel's case. A Russian God, if they had any, which I'm sure they did. I just hadn't covered them in my ancient history class. The Irish gods, yes, some of Egypt, Greek and Roman as well.

"So what was that CD you were looking at when I came out?"

As though wanting to remind me of its presence, the CD was suddenly a weight in my pocket. I reached back for it and handed it to Tala. He scanned the back and then frowned.

"I don't recognize them, except the Buffy Theme tune but that stands out."

I chuckled softly. "Yeah, it's a mixed CD of songs my friends wanted me to have for my birthday. The Buffy theme reminds me of Mariah; we used to watch the show together. We'd gather at my house on a Sunday and we'd watch Buffy, then Charmed and whatever other show was on after wards. Sometimes Dark Skies or maybe a film. The other songs, just I either heard and liked or they feel suit me." I answered; then scowled at him. What was with him and extracting information so easily from me? Jeez, send him to an interrogation camp; people will give up their darkest secrets without so much as a torture weapon. Better yet, note to self, don't join the MI5 or six. "You know, I know basically nothing about you. So now it's your turn to fess up about yourself, Mr. Valkov, king of Tory Comprehensive."

"Ok then, first up, I'm not Tala Valkov. I am actually an alien here to do reconnaissance work on your primitive planet before mine invades and inevitably controls it. Once I do, I shall make you my concubine and we shall live happily ever after."

I sucked on my inner cheek and wondered whether to laugh or thump him. Thumping him had its advantages. Instead, I settled for glaring at him from under my bangs. "A-hole."

He gasped and clutched his heart. "The pain!"

"We have to stop the alien stories. It's getting out of hand, considering I don't believe in them. That's Shahero's deal. I much prefer ghosts."

He mock shuddered. "My encounters with ghosts have never really put them on my good list."

"You have a good list."

"Why not? If Santa can have one, so can I."

I snickered then yelped as a wasp flew too close for comfort. I hate, hate, hate wasps, almost as much as I hate, hate, and hate spiders. They can sense your fear and they chase you.

When I glanced at Tala, I rolled my eyes at the amusement in his eyes. "Ok Mr. Valkov, what is your favourite colour?"

"Uh, white."

"Not a colour, that's a shade."

"No that's a shed," he pointed to the tin roofed building through a gap in the lush hedgerow between the garden and the kennels.

"No that's a shed- Stop making fun of my pronunciation!" I grumbled. "And white is not a colour, so favourite colour."

"I'd say Black, but you'd say that's also not a colour. Um, red."

I shook my head. "Ok red then. Favourite childhood memory?"

"Uh, let's see. Oh, right me and Kai once decided to run away after our parents refused to let us camp out on our own, we were only eight but that didn't deter us. So Kai had the bright idea to build a raft and float down the river."

I rolled my eyes, such a boyish thing to do. "Right, so you built a raft?"

"Yeah out of your Uncles slats for the slatted shed." he admitted sheepishly.

I snorted out a laugh. "Oh you didn't."

"Yeah 'fraid so."

"Oh god Rory's face must- Oh I'm sorry I missed it."

"Are you going to let me tell the story or not?"

"Tell, tell away."

"So we hauled the two slats down to the river and tie them to empty barrels so they'd float."

"The fact that these slats had gaps that would make them sink, never occurred to you?"

He squirmed painfully. "We were only young and it was Kai's idea. Besides all we knew was that rafts were flat and floated on barrels."

"How long before you sank?"

He wiped a hand under his nose, sniffed and then his expression turned thoughtful. "About half way down the river. We had to swim, or more doggy paddle to this little island of rocks. We spent about three hours clinging to them before a local fisherman found us."

I clapped my hands over my mouth to smother the laugh that was bubbling up. I ducked out of swatting range and leaned back in the chair out of his reach. "Oh man, I'd have killed to see that."

"Ok, what about you?" he asked; sipping his drink which he'd fixed earlier. Every so often techno music would be carried over to us on the soft breeze from where Tala's sister Casey was cleaning out a stall for a new guest.

"Um, I can't remember a childhood memory at the moment."

He coughed but it seemed like a weakly disguised 'bullshit'. I glared at him. "Well I do remember playing houses with the slats that used to show what room was what and we had places where the doors where and if you didn't go through the proper place…" I shook my head. It sounded so pathetic, I didn't know why I was telling him all this. I just found myself spilling all my thoughts out to him and no doubt, they weren't very interesting.

"Who's we?"

Funnily, I got the strange feeling that he was trying to ask if Mystel played with me. He'd been interested in Mystel ever since I told him. It wasn't so much that he would tiptoe around me or look at me strangely when he made a tactless death joke, but he just wanted to know more about our relationship, I think. Part of me wondered if he researched Mystel's death, if he did, I didn't know how I felt about that.

"Me and my friend Mariah. We were inseparable when we were younger."

"Must be hard leaving them all behind and making your own friends now."

"Well I guess, but it's not like Mariah and I can never see each other. We can see each other whenever we want, phone each other, talk on MSN or email each other, even go to the cinema."

"Ever go to the underage nights at the Astral?"

I shook my head. "It's not really my scene." I didn't like the music, I didn't like the fact that I couldn't hear myself think or that I wasn't able to hold a civil conversation. I preferred the cinema any day. "Nah that's more Mariah's scene."

"I just thought maybe that's where I've seen your face before."

I stared at him for half a second, unsure how to feel about that statement, then I shrugged. "Maybe you saw me at the cinema or something, I know I've seen Enrique there a couple of times with a couple of different girls."

Tala smirked. "Yeah that sounds like Enrique. He woos them with a romantic film and then makes out with them at the Astral before dumping them later."

"Ouch."

"Nah most of the girls he does that with don't want anything more." Tala slouched in the plastic chair and gazed around the garden.

"Tala? Are you out here?" A feminine voice called out but was hidden by a wall.

"Yeah Mum, over by the table."

A few seconds later the woman appeared from behind the wall, crossing over the grass towards us casting an approving glance around her garden. Tala had to have gotten his looks from his mother. Mrs. Valkov was beautiful. She was petite but well proportioned. A cloud of platinum blond hair fell around her face to rest against her shoulders. As she got closer, I could make out the vivid blueness of her eyes and the curve of her lips. She seemed friendly which was good because I was somewhat nervous about meeting her. Utterly ridiculous because it wasn't as if… well I felt like someone who was meeting her boyfriends parents. Very stupid analogy because I didn't think of Tala that way, but I wanted his parents to like me because I wanted Tala to like me. I felt good around him, better than I had since I moved here and much better than I had when Mystel died.

"Hello." she said as she arrived, regarding me out of those curious and friendly eyes. I smiled and gave a small wave. "Tala, did Derek phone?"

"Yeah he said he'd be leaving Dory down around eight-" he broke off as an engine roared down into the yard, the guttural sound a clear indication that it belonged to a quad. I wondered if it was red, because I was still determined to find out who almost mowed me down. The dogs broke out into a chorus of barking before loping out of the gate to seek out the intruder. Noticing Toby was following, I clicked my fingers. He tensed, looked back at me, then towards the gate, then back. I stared him down, until he slumped back to me. When he reached me, he circled round under my chair before dropping down onto his stomach with a bored sigh.

"Is that Kai?" Mrs. Valkov asked.

Tala nodded. "Yeah, I better go see what he wants before Casey catches him."

"Tala, leave your sister alone."

"I would if she'd leave my male friends alone."

I snickered at the disgust in his tone before feeling the tickle of nerves when he got up and walked out, assuring me he'd be back in a while. When he was gone, his mother turned to me. "So you must be Amber, right?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Tala's mentioned you." she explained and sent a little kernel of warmth to my heart. Mentioning someone to your mother meant they were important, whether it was for good reasons or bad, they were still important. And since Mrs. Valkov wasn't treating me with any coldness, I figured that I was important for good reasons. Go me and my charming self.

"Should I say thanks?" Stupid comment.

She chuckled. "So you're James daughter? You don't look much like him, must take after your mother?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I get the colouring from her, but after that I don't see it."

"Oh I can see some of your Dad in you though, but then I'd know your Daddy better than your mother. We went to school together, though I was a year or two younger than him. Was quite a ladies man if I remember correctly, but I was always more interested in Seth."

Um… "I don't like to think of my parents as teenagers."

"You think they were born as adults?" She asked, sipping Tala's abandoned drink. There was nothing but amusement in her tone that caused me to wrinkle my nose.

"No, I like the idea that I was brought by the stork and the supreme beings went to their little bank of pod people chose out the couple I resembled the most and gave me to them with the express purposes of raising me to know right from wrong and give me lots of presents. So far that angle has been working for me just grand."

"Oh so you're another one who blames aliens for everything. Tala's the exact same, poor Casey has a horrible time trying to get him to fess up to anything. She's very logical." she confided.

I hissed out a breath. "I'm not too impressed with aliens, I blame faeries. Much more suited to this country. And this conversation is turning weird."

Her lips quivered but before she could reply and believe me, I don't know if she could even think of a reply, the phone rang in the house. She smiled and excused herself and as she walked away, I thanked god that I'd always known Mystel's mom because if I didn't… I shuddered to think of the impression I would have made on her.

I jolted as the first bars of Stand by me were hummed by my ear, the sound vibrating down my neck and sending goose bumps through me. I shot a glare over my shoulder where Mystel was leaning over me.

You know you really need to stop doing that. Sneaking up on me is going to send me to an early grave. I narrowed my eyes. _Or is that your intention?_

I narrowed my eyes. 

He chuckled. "_Now there's an idea." _

Ya know, it's kind of difficult to speak in your mind, I mean thoughts are all grand and dandy but I keep wanting to mouth the words I'm thinking slash speaking, see I even have to think or say slash, this is getting beyond weird.

"_Yeah you look constipated._"

Mystel!

"_But you're still incredibly beautiful, not many can pull off the constipated look_."

I hate you, absolutely loath and detest you. You're not supposed to say I look constipated. Why do I even bother talking to you?

"_You can't resist me._" I looked up at him and felt the warmth instilled from his teasing grin, the one that still made my heart flutter and ache. I hated how real he looked. If he were transparent… well it would be easier to remember he's dead but he looked real, as though I could just reach out and touch him. The teasing light went out of his blue, blue eyes. "_You planning on staying here, or are you going to chase after your friend Tala?"_

I got to my feet, brushing down my stonewashed jeans that were showing too many stress points for my liking. I didn't think I wanted to chase down Tala, especially if Kai was there. I didn't know what it was about the boy but he just didn't rate high on my friend list. In the classes we shared, I got the distinct feeling that he didn't like me. He wasn't openly hostile but there was a definite feeling of dislike surrounding him. And to be honest, if that was true, then I wasn't too keen on hanging around someone who didn't like me and looked down on me. If I even asked him a question, all I ever got was a grunt or sometimes a one-word answer. If he was just antisocial or quiet by nature, then fine but I knew people who were far less social than he was and they could be civil to me and answer something a little less brusquely than he did. I just got the feeling that he didn't like me.

I followed the path Tala took, motioning Toby to follow and when he trotted along beside me, I realized he hadn't once barked or growled, and since Toby was a compulsive barker, that was quite a feat.

Did you do something?

"_Like?_"

Toby didn't bark or growl, he still hasn't. Can you shield your presence from animals now?

"_Doubtful, maybe Toby just likes me. Sheba doesn't complain when I show up. I think she recognizes me, maybe Toby still does. It's not like he can see or hear me, so I'm not really something to scare him, I'm just something he recognizes but he can't know why he feels me._"

Ok I'm going to go out on a limb here and say, this is frickin weird. All this ghost stuff; faerie stuff I can handle, and I'm down with the vampire hijinks and werewolves are no problem, but this ghost stuff is freaky deaky.

"_Hey I have to put up with your speaking patterns; you have to put up with my dead boy status_."

_Yeah it's a real learning process. _Now where did I go? I looked around the yard, a long building before me had to be the kennels. And there was a smaller building to the side that looked like an office; the little piece of paper saying what hours they were open was a fair give away. Tala told me that his father was a vet, and that he'd gone into the business of kennels because there was nothing like it in Ballykuten or in Letterkenny and since the animal hospital already had holdings for animals, it just seemed like a good idea to expand the business.

As my footsteps echoed emptily throughout the yard, barks began to break out in the kennels. The techno music began to get louder as I walked through the yard, unaware of where to find Tala.

Hey are your ears bursting?

"_No, unlike you, I have an open mind when it comes to music_."

"Bullshit." I whispered, there was no one around and if anyone saw me talking to myself, I could always say I was singing. Singing to yourself is not as frowned upon as talking to yourself. I wonder why that is. "Why do you suppose that is?"

"_What is?_"

"Well people can sing to themselves and no one raises a brow, it's actually perfectly natural but talking to yourself is deemed insane." I mumbled under my breath.

"_I really don't know. Nevertheless, talking to yourself is a bit weird, alright. But you're not talking to yourself; you're talking to me which is a big difference._"

"It would be if you weren't dead." He snickered at that, while I meandered down to bray towards where the music was coming from. I caught sight of Kai's quad, or I assumed it was Kai's quad. My stomach jumped with nerves at the sight of it.

I looked around the yard, took in the jeep, the red Toyota and the small Ford Ka and wondered where the heck my red haired friend could be. Deciding he was probably in the kennel, I clicked my fingers to catch Toby's attention and walked towards the kennel, or what I supposed was the kennel. It was a big shed with a big glass paned wooden door. As soon as I entered I was engulfed in a cool comfortable atmosphere, dark and gloomy compared to the bright light outside. It took a few moments for my eyes to adjust to the shift in lighting and after the dancing spots cleared, I could see inside. There was a corridor straight up the middle with light coming in from the door at the end. Caged doors opened into large pens where the dogs were kept; and comfortably kept too. It wasn't like the places you saw at the pounds. There were chew toys strewn around, and beds for the dogs, big beds for big dogs and small beds for small dogs and Toby was having a field day sniffing it all. His nails clicked off the concrete as we walked down the corridor, peeking in the doors at the guests. There were leashes outside each door although some rooms were void of dogs.

"What do you think Tobs, would you like it here?"

Toby panted, his tongue lolled out as though he were laughing at the absurdity of the question. I snickered.

"_Well if I were a dog, I guess I wouldn't find it too bad. A bit dull_."

_Compared to a coffin? _I smirked at Mystel and screamed short and loud. Kai stood there pulling a caged door closed behind him, a brow raised mockingly but other than that, he didn't look surprised. Not that he had any right to be surprised because he would have heard me out here, but I never heard him come out. Why didn't the door squeak or something? "Jeez, stomp your feet when you do that!"

He snorted and pulled something out of the inside of his jacket.

"_Oh my god, he's got a gun!_" My lips quivered and I pressed them together in a desperate attempt not to snigger at Mystel's surprised gasp.

Unfortunately, he held nothing as dramatic as a gun; instead, he produced a small grey kitten whose claws were latched onto his t-shirt to stop itself from falling. He stroked a finger down its spine and looked down at Toby as he began to sniff around him. And why hadn't Toby barked? Toby barks at everything that moves, jeezus the dog was really being such a let down. I watched dumbly as Kai knelt down, cradling the kitten to scratch Toby behind the ears with his long fingers. After a second, Toby began to sniff the kitten that mewed pathetically. Shifting his grip on the creature, he rose to regard me with guarded brown eyes. Tala had friendly eyes, -that looked as wet as water and just as blue; but Kai's were constantly guarded, -like dark melted chocolate with a crisp layer on top. Or that's how I saw it. Forgive me if my imagery isn't creative.

After a few moments of silence, I began to shift. I hate silences, I don't mind them so much when I'm on my own because, well, then there's no one for me to talk to but I need to fill spaces if I don't feel comfortable with the person and I don't feel comfortable with Kai. He makes me twitchy and when twitchy, I squirm and I sometimes babble. However, I wasn't going to babble here. Oh no. I didn't even feel comfortable enough to babble, then again, the fact that I couldn't choke out a single word might also explain the lack of babble. But I had to do something.

"H-hey, how're you?" There we go that was civil.

"_Very._"

"Not so bad, how's yourself?"

The Irish answer to how're you. It tells you basically nothing. It's a neutral answer or a reflex one. With Kai, it was neutral and reflexive. "Aye, grand. That your kitten?"

He nodded; then his expression twisted. "We have mice at the stable, need a couple of cats."

I raised a brow and nodded at the fur ball clinging to his shirt, trying to climb up the wall of flesh encased in black cotton. "It's not going to be hunting mice for a while."

He shrugged.

Ok that's all the conversation drained from me. I looked around and then down at my feet. Where the fuck was Tala; then on a surge of inspiration I asked: "So where's Tala?"

Again, there was the shrug that meant nothing and everything at once. He really had the shrug down pat. I fisted my hand and hit it against my open palm. Ok this was just plain awkward. Just as I was about to make my excuses to go, the door opened behind me.

"Hey Benz, Kai. Here are the photocopies of the files and shit you wanted for the kitten. If you call up sometime Dad will give it a check up, ok?"

"Thanks T."

"And now Benz is here, she wanted to ask you something."

My head snapped round so fast I winced. Dammit Valkov, I'm really losing the love here. "I do?"

"Yeah about that Stud of Nicolai's."

"Traveller? What about him?"

Kai's tone was wary. Great. I turned back to him, tucking my tongue in my cheek and shoving my hands in my pockets, bracing my feet in my usual stance. I tilted my head to the side so I could regard him better. He's a tall guy; I'm unfortunately tall challenged. "Tala was telling me your dad's looking for a pedigree mare to breed him with and I happen to have a mare of good blood and breeding age. I wanted to check out Traveller before deciding if I want to breed Gypsy with him."

"Gypsy?" he frowned and peered at me shrewdly as though something was bothering him about me. Well something about him was certainly bothering me!

"Yeah Gypsy-Rose-Lee."

"Gypsy and Traveller, interesting." Tala chimed in.

I shot him a dark unforgiving look.

"_Sounds like the horses were made for each other, eh, doll_?"

"Humph."

Kai sighed and tucked his free hand, the one that wasn't stabling the kitten, in his back pocket of his snug jeans. I bet when he bends over those designer jeans just rip at the seams! "Well Dad's around the house today and there's not many bookings so I guess I could take you down."

"In your quad?"

"In the trailer."

Oh great. Not only am I stuck with his unpleasant company, I also get my ass bruised black and blue while I'm at it. Nevertheless, I didn't say anything because I wanted to see this Traveller, he sounded interesting. Gypsy and Traveller, if I believed in Fate, then I'd say they were destined. Maybe I do believe in fate, I certainly seemed to be following Kai out of the kennels with Tala not too far behind me.

* * *

It was love at first sight. The thick mane of black hair; the sleek muscles under the black silken pelt; the blaze of white down the long narrow face and the long powerful legs, how could I not drool? But the big brown eyes reduced me to mush.

"Oh…" I breathed softly.

"_Jaysus._" Mystel agreed.

_Back off. _I snapped, not wanting my ghostly comrade to scare him. I felt Mystel make a face but he knew me too well to take offence. I get bitchy when I'm obsessed with a horse. And I was obsessed with Traveller. He looked at me haughtily and tossed his head, an obviously arrogant gesture. I cast a glance at Kai and wondered if he got the expression from his owner. Probably, I thought with a snort.

Eyeing me carefully, Traveller approached; then flicked a look at Kai as if to ask, what the hell does she want? I heard the scuff of shoes and knew Kai was approaching me from behind. A trickle of nerves worked their way down my spine but I didn't move out of the way. He did not intimidate me. Not a chance in hell.

He came to stand beside me, his hand brushing my arm as he placed it on the top rug of the gate. A click of his tongue and Traveller moseyed over to him. His tail flicked and swished away the irritating flies and his blew out a breath, a rumble of sound. Kai eased himself over the gate and landed beside the horse, moving to sling an arm around Traveller's neck and tickle his velvet nose while whispering hushed words that made Traveller's ears twitch.

"What do you think Benz?" Tala asked softly, coming to stand beside me.

I shook my head softly. "Honestly, I wasn't too sure on the idea." I admitted and then I grinned excitedly. "But do you see how beautiful he is? He's gorgeous, and the chance to breed him with Gypsy…" I took a deep breath and blew it out. "Not a chance I'm turning away this opportunity. He's stunning." I breathed looking into the deep bottomless eyes.

"So that's a yes then?"

"Of course. But depends on what Nicolai has to say. He'll want to check out Gypsy naturally and there's a whole lot of stuff to sort out. Like vet bills and there's the food and stuff, extra bedding and the electricity because I'm going to have to put her into breeding early if the foal is to become a racing horse. There's loads."

Tala let out a low whistle that had Blitz quirking an ear. We'd dropped Toby off back at Nana's and replaced him with Blitz who was lying at Tala's feet. "Not really my area of expertise. Hey, where's Nicolai?"

Kai jerked a shoulder. "Dunno, should be around. But he could be indoors with the pony club."

I raised a questioning brow at Tala.

"A group of little ten year old girls who're obsessed with horses nearly as much as they're obsessed with Kai."

I suppressed a smile. Well ten year olds taste leaves something to be desired. All they see is the big brooding eyes and the handsome face and to hell with the personality, or lack of. I turned back to Mr. Stoic. "So how long have you had Traveller?"

"Since he was foal."

"Amber's had Gypsy since she was a foal, right?"

I nodded. "Yup."

"We should head over and let you check her out Kai."

Kai's head jerked up and he pinned Tala with a frosted glare. I immediately jumped in. "It's ok, I'm sure Nicolai will want to see her himself."

"Yeah but Traveller is Kai's horse, wouldn't you want to see your horse's new lady?"

Kai looked to be grinding his teeth rather painfully. Ok. This was weird. Mystel and I had always joked about how our horses would grow up and have babies but we were young at the time, but then Poseidon was castrated and so that idea drop dead along with Poseidon's libido. Now my horse and Kai's horse and doing _it_? I shuddered.

"Cold?" Tala immediately enquired.

"Sorry, someone just walked over my grave." I dismissed the feeling of weirdness and climbed up onto the gate, my gaze sweeping over the lush green fields, the sand paddock with jumps fixed up near by the stable doors with their top half open and the sound of neighs and children's voices. It was a nice image. "So how long has your Dad owned this place?"

"Since I was three."

"Huh. Cool. How many horses?"

"Several."

"We have around twenty, don't mind Kai he likes to be difficult." a cheerful voice jumped in before I could snap something at Kai for his short answer. I looked round at the man approaching us from down the lane leading a Palomino. Immediately I scrambled down from the gate and hurried over cautiously to the horse. A Palomino was my dream horse when I was a child. They were gorgeous with their pale caramel coats and white mane and tail. They were divine.

"She's gorgeous. It's a she, right?" I looked to the man and recognized him easily as Nicolai Hiwatari. It was obvious. He had Kai's eyes and dark navy hair cropped short at the back and longish at the top. His face was made up of plains and angles making it seem almost harsh and patrician but the deep brown eyes and the easy smile softened it. There were faint laughter lines around the eyes hinting that he liked to smile, something Kai probably wouldn't do for fear he'd get wrinkles!

"Aye, this is Topaz. And you must be Amber, James' girl."

I smiled up at him. "Yeah, that would be me. You're Nicolai, dad's friend."

"He likes to think so." he joked.

"We brought Amber down to see Traveller. She has a mare that you might want to see."

"Ah." Nicolai said quietly, studying me tersely. "I wouldn't mind seeing her, if that's ok with you?"

Oh so he knew, did he? I suppose Dad would recount my little dramas to his friend, just the same way Mum would tell her friends about me. I managed a wane smile. "Sure, whatever time suits you."

"We'll have to discuss the details of course."

"That's fine." I murmured, completely entranced with Topaz. She was so pretty.

"Well, I'm going to put Topaz in her stall, why don't you call up to the house and introduce yourself to my wife."

I stared at him, and then nodded. "Ok then." as Nicolai walked away with Topaz; I looked back to Tala and Kai who was watching me with a shrewd look. "Well I guess I should go say hello to your mum."

Kai grunted but made no move to take me up to his house. Well fine then. Unsociable bugger!

"I'll take you Benz. Catch up with you in a while Kai."

I waited until Tala had escorted me out hearing range then turned to him. "Ok is it me, or does your friend really not like me?"

He shrugged and made a face. "Kai's not a very friendly guy. You just have to get to know him, that's all."

"Yeah he's really making me want to do that." I grumbled under my breath. The heat was beating down on me and I was really beginning to wish I'd worn something lighter with less material but alas, I was stuck in my white t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers that were roasting my feet. "Shit, I left my jacket at yours."

"Ah I can drop it over sometime or give it to you on Monday."

"Ah Monday'll do."

"So where's Shahero today? Or did I ask that already?"

I couldn't remember so I answered. "She went into Letterkenny with Russia and Johnny. She invited me along but I told her I was hanging out with you."

"So everything's ok with you? You're not harbouring any secret desires to run away or you're not depressed or anything, right?"

I shot him a grin. "Nah, I like it well enough here. I miss my friends, that's natural but I like it here."

"So you going to come out with me tonight?"

"You know, you keep spending so much time with me Tala, I'm going to start worrying about you. And how're you going to get yourself a nice girl."

"Well I figured I'd take you out and then ditch you when something better comes along."

I punched his shoulder. "Ha, who says I won't be ditching you first?"

"No one ditches me. It's an unwritten law."

I snorted. "Yeah right."

He opened the back door into the house and looked around. "Hey Jean you in here?"

"Out in the garden Tala, is there something wrong?"

"No, just wanted to introduce you to a friend. Nicolai said she had to come up and see you." he turned to me and spoke in a hushed tone. "Why did he send you up here?"

"Godparents." I replied.

"Jean and Nicolai are your…? Huh, interesting."

"Not really, makes sense if he's me Dad's best friend."

"True I guess." he sauntered into the cool kitchen and crossed to the fridge, pulling out a plastic bottle of diluted orange. He motioned to me with the bottle. "Want some?"

"No thanks, I'll stick with water."

Tugging open the cupboard over the sink, he produced two glasses, handing one to me. "Take the water from the Brita jug because the tap water is gross."

"Mains water always is."

"Well that water's from the local spring."

I looked around the homey kitchen as I poured my water. Little knickknacks were placed on every nook and cranny that didn't have anything else in them, all along the tops of the cupboards even on top of the curtains. "Interesting kitchen."

Tala looked around. "Yeah."

"You're comfortable in it."

"Pretty much grew up in this house. Same with Kai and mine."

"So you've been friends since you were babies?"

"Since playschool at least. Legend says we had a big fight and we're instantly glued at the hip."

"Wow, kind of like me, Mystel and Mariah. There was never one without the others."

There was a shuffle of movement and then a female sigh. Jean Hiwatari came through the door, sweeping her powder blue hair out of her pale face. Her teardrop eyes were a pretty mint green lashed heavily and filled with intelligence. She was tall and slender, a perfect model figure that was shown off in a beige tank top and streamlined jeans and sandals. Her nails were painted a delicate eggshell blue and silver hoops glinted at her ears. On catching sight of us she smiled warmly, then the smile froze in place as she got her first good look at me.

"Oh my." she murmured. "Well don't you just look like your mum? I heard Keiko say you did, but you've grown up so much. Such a pretty thing too." she said crossing to me and catching my chin, she tilted my head to get a better look then she hugged me before releasing me and smiling ruefully. "Sorry, I don't suppose you recognize me but I use to baby sit you when you were but knee high."

"Sorry, I tend to blank out the years where I humiliate myself, it's for my own sanity." I felt bad because I couldn't remember her when she could so obviously remember me. I wonder if Kai and I had any run-in's as children, might explain why he doesn't like me. Or maybe, I was horrible to him in a past life; maybe he was in love with me and broke his heart. My lips twitched at the thought. That would have been fun. Only it wasn't paying off now.

"Oh that's ok. I'm Jean, me and your mum were very good friends before she moved away."

"Well you should call up some time. She's working night shifts these days so around three or so she'll be up and around the house during the weekdays."

"I might do that when I have some free time. Tala, where's that son of mine?"

Tala swallowed his drink in two gulps then shrugged. "Off with the horses somewhere."

Jean made an impatient sound before filling the kettle, nudging me gently out of the way and placing the kettle to boil. She grumbled something about needing her coffee and gazed out at the yard before her.

"Your kitchen's cute."

Jean looked around it proudly and smiled. "I like it, can't cook much but I like the atmosphere. I got all the ornaments from clients who went on holiday and brought stuff back or when Nicolai goes off to check out a horse he'll buy me something. Actually he's the one who started it all off and I began to collect them. I get several each Christmas and birthday."

"Cool and handy."

"Well living with two men you have to give them something easy to buy you or you'll end up with more toiletries than you know what to do with."

I grimaced painfully. It's not just men who think to give toiletries but honestly, what else can you buy your mum? I'm crap with presents, unless I take Mariah with me. She's great, she's easy to buy for, get her something pink and fluffy, and she's in princess heaven. Of course, she's also partial to CD's too.

A car drove into the yard and Jean sighed. "I'll leave you two here. It was nice to meet you Amber, feel free to call down whenever you like."

"Thanks Mrs-"

"Call me Jean, Mrs. Hiwatari just makes me feel old, doll."

"Thanks Jean."

"Tala, you take good care of her." with that, Jean breezed out to talk to the man in a suit who'd gotten out of his Mercedes with his little daughter in plaits beside him.

I looked at Tala. "I like her. Just wish I could actually remember her, though. So what now?"

He glanced at his watch. "It's after six. Want to head back to mine? We can play video games or something?"

"Yeah for an hour or so, then I have to get home and phone Mariah. Want to hang out tomorrow?"

"Sorry can't. Got mass and then I have to visit the grandparents."

"Thank god that's not something I have to do with them living so close now. At least I hope I don't." I followed him out of the kitchen into the red sunlight.

"Hey Kai we're heading off, see ya later, alright?"

"Right. Good luck." Kai called back as he led a skittish filly towards an open stall. I waved to Jean as we headed down the lane bordered by wooden fencing. The whole way down I could feel the menace of Kai's glare and it was all I could do not to scratch the itch between my shoulder blades. I'm telling you, that boy does not like me. And I get the strangest feeling I'm going to be running into him more than I'd like to. Wonderbra!

**

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**And yet another end to another chapter. Updates will be less frequent from now on. I really can't count on my internet service and in Ireland, we don't have a lot of options. I don't live close enough to get broadband from Northern Ireland and certainly no where near close enough to get it from any of the major cities. And we only have one company that provides a line service so I'm really kind of screwed here. I know it will piss you off since you can't read the next chapters for a while in between but try being me. I barely get on the internet very often and it's screwing with my writing. Oh well, I hope you enjoyed this.**

**xXAquiliusDraconisXx:** Heylo. Actually, I do use Mystel in SLTS but he comes into it more in the later chapters. Mainly the reason I haven't used him was because I didn't know he existed and I wasn't too impressed by him at first sight (he had the mask on!) but then, a friend sent a picture of him with the mask off and OMG! Serious hotty not to mention the good attitude. So that's why I have him in this one because I wrote this after seeing Mystel's picture. I haven't seen G-rev yet. We got series one twice, which was great, double Tala time and I got to make fun of Ian twice more than I should have. Then there was the second series which wasn't all that good, no offence to the beyblade guys 'cos I do love them but they brought in Hillary for which I haven't forgiven them for. So they showed v-force twice and then that finished and I got excited because hey, grev was supposed to come, ya know, one two and three naturally follows... only it doesn't in Ireland, instead they're making us watch number two again and it's on at 11:20 every Saturday and sometimes sunday when something else isn't happening. Oh I have no clue about how the chapters become so very long, I just start writing and well, it continues but it's based on just one day, I suppose I could cut it down but I'd feel like I was only using that tactic to make the story unbearably long. I dunno, I just like long chapters because there's so much to write about. Meg Cabot, she's the one who brought everyone Princess Diaries, right? I've seen the films and I love the neuroticness of the Princess but I haven't read the novels. I'll check for those books then. I'm glad you like this story, I adore it too, if only I could be more interested in writing at the moment. (sigh)

**Grandsummon**: Hey Sarah. So what was the blood tests for? Are you ok? Yes Brooklyn was reluctantly nice which was quite creepy and he's with Ruin but only for the moment. I did not expect such a shocking reaction from putting those two together, I'm sure Arcada's pretty pleased, lol. Ah the injuries were minor, I mean they both had to go to hospital for stitches and the like but no physical/mental/emotional trauma. And no scarring either. I haven't watched Home and Away for years, I much prefer Neighbours, much better. Aw I missed the Ice Hockey thing and the blonde girl is so ditzy! Don't children's presenters feel like right eejits acting like dicks? I don't think any of our restaurants serve Mint milkshakes and if they do, they're probably not that nice since they can't even make decent strawberry ones. Peni! Oh god, Sarah, we have the weirdest conversations, I mean dissolving condoms and bug Peni, lol. Well I haven't heard of Gundam SEED but most anime's are good if the characters are well developed. I adore Sailor Moon, Beyblade, CardCaptors and Rayearth because they're all about friendship. Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke because of the imagination that went into them. Street Fighter and Cowboy Bebop for their fighting. I think I have seen a lonely hearts advert like that in the Farmers Journal. They're all very sad.

**Badasmiley: **Thank you. Yes Ruin and Brooklyn are an odd couple but Tala and Ruin don't get along so it wouldn't be natural for her to date someone from his clique. Brooklyn's gorgeous so that works for Ruin. Neither of them are looking for anything deeper than they have and by dating Brooklyn, that brings Ruin onto Amber's radar creating something common for them since Ruin wouldn't particularly give Amber the time of day since she's friendly with Tala. I was hoping people would find the CD part sad, I think it's rather cute though, lol.

**Flurobandaid: **Well I think it would be painful, I once got my contact lens stuck on the inside of my eye, it rolled to the top of the eye ball and I was in absolute agony. So yeah even someone touching their eye makes me queasy, I doubt I'd be able to stand the pain, lol. Yeah I got the Foo Fighters album, wasn't too sure on it but it's definitely growing on me, the only problem is sometimes some of the songs just sound like their old songs. I know what you mean though, sometimes I'll be thinking of a song and the next thing I know it's on the CD player even if the player is on random. Yeah you're correct on the grammar, I'll admit that. "As to why" should have been in there, but I'm typing her thoughts the way Amber speaks so it's not going to be gramatically correct always, in fact you'll probably see more mistakes in the upcoming chapters too. School has started for you again? Yikes my brats are on their summer holidays right now. Major fun for me, I have people to care for me in my old age, lol. Lol, I like describing Brooklyn a lot especially when it's done in Amber's pov, lol. She does care about him, but at the same time she can't let go of her -it's not dislike so I guess, it could be called animosity, so Amber's actions towards Brooklyn are fun to write about. Ah another mistake, sorry. I'm hopeless at proof reading and too impatient to wait for my beta to send things back to me. Oh half the phrases Amber comes up with don't make sense, she hears words she likes and if they sound right to her, she'll use them. She kind of talks in a rhythm so to fit the beat, she'll need certain words with syllables so she could use phrases that don't make sense but they fit her beat so she won't care and no one's going to bother pointing out her mistake because that means dealing with her neuroticness more, lol. I hope that makes some sense, but I don't get the phrases from anywhere in particular, they just come to me when I'm writing what Amber would say. Well Ruin and Brooklyn aren't a main couple because as everyone points out, they don't suit each other and I like Arista with Brooklyn better, she can handle him. Wow school systems are different all over the world, that's so crazy. We have three mandatory subjects, Maths, Irish and English, though I don't understand the reason to learn Irish when no one speaks it. Did I say car accident? I don't think I did but we won't know until Amber decides to tell someone. Well I was on a horse that reared up and I was in a shed with concrete floor with no helmet and that was my first time on a horse, that put me off riding for a long time until we got a pony named Gypsy, so I kind of based Amber's horse of my little pony, lol. Lmao! I'd love to see Tala in victorian style clothing, it would be bloody marvellous, lol. Well saying Amber had a soft spot for brown eyes the size of Ireland, really isn't saying much if you look at Ireland. Montana has to be pretty big and even if it isn't, it still sounds better than the size of Ireland and yeah Montana is a state in the US.

**Midnight Insanity: **Heylo! Haven't heard from you in ages, but you had your exams and everything, so I hope they went well for you. My internet is still screwed so that kind of stops me being on line and I miss talking to you too. Sucks to be us, huh? Feh, that chapter wasn't juicy, this one isn't juicy either, I just ramble on and on with no sense of restraint where my fics are concerned. But Amber has such exciting days, lol. Ruin and Brooklyn threw everyone off, I hadn't expected such a big reaction, it's not like they're married, they're just enjoying each other until I have time to fuck with their lives, lol. LOL you come up with the weirdest comparisons, now I'm going to be looking out my window, -because I have the coolest scenery outside- trying to find more sweets.

**nise-anjel: **Yes Mystel dying was horrible beause he is so gorgeous but if he were alive, would people resent him stopping Amber and Kai from being together? Yeah Kai does seem so much hotter, I think the broody unsocialness is working for him in this story but it's only going to cause Amber to deliberately try to annoy him just to get a reaction. There is going to be a lot of Kai soon.

**Armith-Greenleaf: **Yeah that's a really good point, one that never occurred to me but I should discuss it with Sarah since she's the one who told me about the baby oil. She was told that people shouldn't use baby oil during sex since it dissolves condoms thus upping the chances of becoming pregnant but you're right if it can dissolve condoms like acid, what does baby oil contain? Ok now try saying that guessing paragraph fast ten times, it's a pretty good tongue twister. Yes Ruin and Brooklyn are going out. Kai bothers Amber, I think. Deep down she's compelled to try and understand him. Well I wanted some animosity between Brooklyn and Kai, Kai's not one to dislike someone without reason, he just generally dislikes people I suppose, but I wanted him to have a particular grudge against Brooklyn for the story and that seemed as good a reason as any. Well this story will not be dealing with sex in every chapter and if sex comes into the equation, I won't be going into great detail but I will probably have very amusing adult conversations so I put it at M so as not to offend very young readers. So I'm glad you liked this chapter.

**HeartlessDevil: **Thank you.

**lil' angelgrl: **Thank you so much. I'm glad you like the story and don't find the long chapters annoying.

**Memorie: **Amber does feel awkward but Traveller is gorgeous, doesn't matter who his owner is. Well Brooklyn allows Amber to have some fun with Mystel since he's the only one who knows she's being haunted. It's not Kai's fault as such, he didn't know about Mystel so he couldn't possibly have known how his words would affect Brooklyn. I'll give you hints here and there, but I guess it will probably come out next chapter I suppose. The song is '_Stand by me_' by Ben E. King. It was a song that came out in the sixties but a guy at our school revised it for an entertainment night and now it's one of my all time favorite songs. It will come out eventually as to why Brooklyn did what he did though one of my reviewers has guessed correctly so big yay for her!

**Miss Wright: **Yeah the chapters just get longer. I can't just seem to tie it down into a simple ten page chapter, it just continues to drivel on, I seem to think that every trivial thing is important when it's not. I personally love Kai in this story, Amber just antagonizes him and it's so amusing. Mystel is such a great character to work with, even dead as he is. I'm so glad you think this story is different from all the others out there because there are so many varities, so that's a great compliment. Thank you.

**Paris Super Girls: **HELLO! Sorry you weren't the ninety 2nd one, sorry. Ok we're going to settle this here and now. clears throat KAI IS MINE! I think that clears everything up. Lol, dead boy is amusing but must be hurtful to be reminded all the time that he's no longer alive and with her. Yeah freckles are the little dots on red heads faces, but everyone in Ireland has some of some sort. I have brown hair and I have very faint ones, I think it's to do with the paler the skin and the amount of sunlight and stuff. Yeah Arista wouldn't mind being kidnapped by Brooklyn but Amber would. LOl feel free to use that phrase, I don't think it's mine, I'm sure others have said that line before. It gets really good reactions though, lol. Ruin and Brook are just temporary. I couldn't mess with such a winning partnership such as Brook and Arista. HE is home economics, like cooking and nutrition and needlework.

**SuperstitiousDevil: **I'm very glad you like this story and all of my others.

**Ryouya-Kyuuketsuki: **See I really don't want to go down the whole rival thing again with Amber and Kai, it would seem repetitive, right? But for some reason, when I had all the intentions of making them friendly with each other, things went down the toilet and now they don't like each other. They're not rivals, it's just that they spark of each other but hopefully I can make their situation slightly different. I don't think they'll be rivals, at the moment Kai is slightly apprehensive but soon as Amber finds her mojo, she'll just start pestering the hell out of him until he lightens up. LOL.

**eMiLy06: **LOl, you're not far wrong when you sum it up. It's hard for me to write Amber emotionally hurt because she's such a sarcastic girl who finds most things in life amusing. Annoying people is a fun past time for her but with Mystel's death, she has to be sobered up a great deal. So I'm glad you find it sad and emotional as well as funny and sarcastic. The Brooklyn and CD piece seems to be a favorable scene with the reviewers and I guess that was the one scene I wanted to write after coming up with the idea. Sorry about the gap in updating but my internet connection is shot to hell.

**Tears of Hell 1428: **Aha! Man I'm good. Well not really, it wouldn't really be all that obvious since I'm not really Brooklyn's biggest fan but it's kind of the deal with Amber. Since I love Mystel dearly, it seems oh so natural to bring in Brooklyn and because Mystel likes him, I've grown to like the Brooklyn I write, though series Brooklyn remains a dick in my eyes. Everyone has been touched by the CD song, that song is supposed to be a really good feeling song but it can reduce me to tears, there's no real reason for it. Wow you have so many pets. I have five dogs, one King Charles, an Alsation, three collies, one adult and two pups. We have too many sheep, you really begin to notice how many you have when you have to shear them individually. (sigh) I have always wanted a husky, I can't believe someone would hurt animals like that. People like that sicken me. I'm so glad you like this fic, I was actually worried people wouldn't like it because it's not exactly exciting at the moment. But your review encourages me to go on.

**Feeding Ground: **I'm so pleased you feel that way. I love this story but Smells like Team Spirit is also one of my favorites too, I guess if you put a lot of heart into the story you get attached, but it's always rewarding to hear someone likes my stuff. You can certainly say Kai is hot, you're not alone in that. He does keep a lot to himself, but he's very private and sometime he'll warm to Amber's charm.

**Chikaitou-411: **Yeah I know my updating patterns are few and far between but they are slightly regular, right? I don't mean to keep my chapters to myself but my internet connection is horrible and sometimes writing stumps me but I find one chapter per story (ie. SLTS and TFG) works out ok because it gives me time to get my work together and my ideas plotted out without coming under any strenous pressure which would make the story seem crap. I'll try not to put any more cliffies but I will put in twists. As for Brooklyn, well he kind of has to be in because Arista needs her man and well, Mystel needs a buddy and Brooklyn has been designated it.

**Kaieshakai:** Yeah Brooklyn was really sweet in that chapter, especially because he was slightly reluctant. I will go further into the Brooklyn and Arista so just bear with Ruin and Brooklyn for a little while.

**Wanted: **Hey Yoshi! So you're back on the Brooklyn band wagon, are you? Ok well way I see it, Brooklyn and Ruin go to a club, see each other there a couple of times and make out and viola, instant couple. Well Ams doesn't know these things because they all seem to happen at a club that Amber rarely goes to. She lived in a world of her own with Mystel, then in a world of her own without him so she didn't know these things. Besides she didn't know Ruin, Arista or Kai at the time so it wouldn't be any of her business. Amber will ask Ruin about her and Tala sometime soon. K?

**Lulu:** I'm sorry for the long wait between the chapters, especially with the cliffie but there won't be many other cliffie's from now on. Mystel is great, one of the coolest beyblade characters to come in my opinion, he doesn't seem to have much of an alterior motive for beyblading which is nice to see. He has no complications but unfortunately, I'm just judging his opinion from the pictures on the net since I haven't seen the third series yet. Oh a glimpse of Amber and Mystel's relationship is in the sixth chapter. So I hope you like it.

**Destructive Habit: **Court, um... you almost cried five times? (raises brow) O-k. Brooklyn's a high status jerk, he hurt Kai! (sniffs) Ok maybe not in this story, so I'll try to give you the story behind the jerkish attitude Brooklyn adopted soon. InMe seems to only have one album out but they should have another coming out, I just haven't seen it in the shops yet.

**Seraphism: **You supremely jinxed my internet Mike! (folds arms and sulks) Ok you didn't actually but still the phone company pisses me off. Are you sure you know who Brooklyn is? Garland looks more like a she-wrestler than Brooklyn does but they did gay him up in the dub. I do not rub it in that you were dropped on your head... well not much anyways. I'm still upset about not getting Tekken Five. I really wanted to see Jun's relative, now I can't even remember her name but you know who I'm talking about though Lyndon says that she isn't related to Jun, how does that work? Brooklyn was a good surprise though wasn't he? Considering I don't particularly like him, it's annoying because he's now growing on me. Oh and your favorite character was in this chapter an awful lot, lol.

**Truble: **Hello. Meh, my writing could still be better. I have my good days where the writing just flows and the bad days where it just stops and starts, kind of like my car, lol. I don't think it's a matter of patience, I mean this story has so much to fit in and it has a fixed period of time. It starts off in September and then must carry on for another year and three months or so because of the horse's pregnancy. So I try to fit in a whole day into each chapter and I guess, I just don't know when to stop when I start writing. Amber has so many people she can encounter in just one day so I guess that makes it easier to write long chapters. Lol, even my review replies are becoming longer. Well I'll keep writing and I hope you'll keep enjoying what I write, because that makes me happy.

**g--b-S-t-E-r07: **So how was Ireland? And where did you go? Dublin? Everyone goes to Dublin, I don't see what the big deal is... then again, I'm so not a city person. Give me the country anyday, lol. Yeah Brooklyn has a really good part in this. I feel so hypocritical because he's not my favorite person but I'm finding it hard to hate him. Yeah the fight was unlike them, but Brooklyn was upset over his friend and Kai just said the wrong thing at the wrong time but it makes for great tension. Yes Kai is going to seem like an ass but it's not because he's arrogant or thinks too highly of himself, he has his reasons for his attitude towards Amber. And I love this shift in him, Amber hasn't done anything to make him dislike him as she had in SLTS so this is fun to work with. But there will be a definite love/hate element between these two because I can't seem to get it to work any other way, they continously spark. He orders, she rebels, he acts like a dick and she tells him straight that he's being a dick, lol. Here's more Tala for you, lol. I love those two as well, he's great to work with. Depressed Amber is annoying, I'll admit but she'll begin to show her bright side soon enough even if she is still mourning on the inside.

**Signourney: **I know... I'm so in two minds about Brooklyn. He was bad in the series, albeit he was kind of possessed so... I guess he's not all that bad. Though if it weren't for Arcada choosing him to be Arista's beau I wouldn't have ever thought to put him in any of my fics as a good guy but alas, now he's grown on me and here we have nice Brooklyn... (sigh) You're telepathic aren't you? You're the only one who caught on to why exactly Brooklyn cheated on Arista. I'll go into his reasons deeper soon but right now, him and Amber are trying to forge some sort of relationship so she won't pry too deep but you're certainly on the right track. I'm glad you understand Brooklyn's actions and reasons for fighting Kai, he's not violent nor would he start a fight deliberately but he was really torn up over Mysty's death. 'Your man' is a very donegal farmer term only comes as this nasally tone of 'yer man' which just means the guy you know, the one we're talking about instead of referring to him as Kai. Usually it's used for someone who's name you're not familiar with or someone you don't know too well. Next chapter we'll start on the Mystel and Amber scenes from their past, it's fun to actually work with because Mystel and Kai are two complete opposites. You have to wonder about Amber's tastes, lol.

**Galactic-Girl-Amber: **I'm glad you enjoyed it and here's some more Kai, he starts becoming a regular from now on which is uber fun to write.


	6. The power of friendship

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Beyblade. You guys know that. I also don't own Miyami Kinomiya, she's Under-Study's. I don'town Shahero - Coors or Arista-ArcadaAvalons. I also don't own Aspin Grant -Animerle's. Anyone you don't recognize is mine.

_Um... Well long time no post. But I've been online once in September and once in this month or so, so you know, it's hard to post things when I'm not on line. The eircom guys still haven't fixed anything. I sincerely despise them and their horrible ways. I'm now twenty and am still watching anime's and cartoons, so I haven't changed. I can't reply to any reviews in this chapter. Sorry but I can't say how long I'll be on line. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter and please feel free to review. I personally love this chapter. LOL. _

Chapter Six

The sky was overcast with clouds as the car sped down the bumpy narrow road fringed by brambles and bracken broken only by the odd rusted metal gate here and there. The colours might have been magnificent if we weren't going so fast, so as I gazed out the window, all I could see were blurs of russet, lusty greens and muddy browns. I knew that there were the brambles laden by blackberries and raspberries but I wouldn't have time to pick them today though part of me wanted to. When I was nine, I could remember vividly of my family visiting my house and of my older cousins taking me and my friends out blackberry picking. We brought back buckets filled with the beaded berries which Mum made into jam. The years later, when we picked the berries, I don't think we ever brought back as much. Partially because we ate most of them and sometimes because we found worms in them and then someone would freak out and spill all the berries on the ground. All the same, it wasn't the berries that drew us out, but the experience.

I leaned forward to adjust the heater in the car. Even though it was the last Saturday of September, already the weather was swiftly changing from warm to cool and this early in the morning, it wasn't so warm. Unconsciously, my eyes flicked to the clock, ten to nine. Ugh, I should have been in bed, it was my first Saturday off from work this month and I'd been planning to spend it sleeping but alas I was out before nine. The things I did for my friends.

"Looks like it might rain; you got a coat with you?"

I glanced down at my corduroy jacket and wrinkled my nose. It wasn't waterproof, but it was slightly heavier than my usual denim jacket besides, coats looked weird on me. "Nope."

Mum flicked me a disapproving look. "You should have brought a coat."

"Ah, if I get wet, I get wet. Besides I won't be outside too much."

"Ok, do you have your money with you?"

I patted my right pocket. "Yep."

"All of it?"

She was referring to the pay pack I got last week which I hadn't banked. "Ah, kind of but I have it all scattered around so…" I trailed off. It was a little white lie but I wasn't going to divide my money up more than it was. Besides my jeans didn't have any front pockets but they were great jeans for making me look a little longer legged.

"Did you tell Mathilda that you would be down this early?"

"Yeah, besides she's always up early. Thanks for bringing me down."

"It's nothing." she replied, not removing her eyes from the road as she slowed down, flipped on the indicator and turned right onto the main road. The car cruised along with mum pushing it into gear. I watched fascinated. I was going to learn to drive soon; then I'd be able to take the girls wherever they wanted to go without having to wait for buses and the like. "I had to go up to the surgery anyway to get some of my stuff."

Typical mum, never actually complaining that I've dragged her away from having a day off from work, a day off she could spend with Hiroshi without having to worry about one of us disturbing them. I wondered if I felt weird about Hiroshi and mum being together. I didn't think I did but I think I felt weird about mum being sexually active.

"_Christ Ams, give me fair warning when you're going to think something like that!_"

I smirked and looked out the window. _Hey how come you can hear some of my thoughts and not others? I mean it's been honestly bugging me._

"_You project certain thoughts; I don't know how to explain it. Some of your thoughts are much more coherent than others. It's not just a glimpse of a thought that runs into another, but a fully fledged thought that stands out on it's own._"

See this is more of that ghosty stuff I never knew. Like since when did ghosts have telepathy?

I felt Mystel shrug and I sighed. Yeah he was no more in the know about ghost stuff than I was. What a great knowledgeable pair we made.

"So what are you planning to do today?"

Probably go ou- It took me half a second to realize that it was Mum who was questioning me and not Mystel. Cripes! "Ugh, well I don't know much, all I know is that Mariah will meet us at Mattie's when she's finished work, then we'll meet Bethan in Letterkenny and we might catch up with Emily too if she's working or when she gets off work."

"You're not meeting any of the boys?"

"No, it's a girl's day type of thing. Besides Mariah's going to want to go clothes shopping and me and clothes, well we're not good friends unless we need to be and the boys are just worse than me."

"_Way-hey, naked Amber!_"

"Pervert."

"What?"

"Nothing." Crying out loud, this was just plain complex. I settled down in my seat and tuned into the music on the radio. It was something by Blondie, not the recent stuff Debbie Harry had done but the really good stuff. It always reminded me of Dad. He used to have a cassette of Blondie in his car and I discovered it one day while myself, Mystel and Mariah were pretending to drive the car even though Mystel had a hard time seeing over the steering wheel as well as trying to touch the pedals. While Mystel pretended to drive, me and Mariah would put in the cassette and listen to Blondie. Sometime along the way, the cassette got lost and then Dad sold the car and bye went Blondie. I had the intentions of getting him a Blondie CD sometime because he really liked them or it was one of the bands I knew he liked. There were them and the Horselips, an old Irish band he once told me about. I still hadn't seen him yet, even though Mum kept prompting me too, I just wasn't sure if I really wanted to see him. It was different talking to him on the phone, there was a sort of distance but seeing him face to face, I didn't know if I could do that.

I felt my heart swell as the spire of the steeple rose over the brink of the hill and as we crested it, the town came into view. All the semi detached houses that made up the Town Parks, housing estate, the church and the chapel, the thatched roof of Terry's pub and the red roof of the local _Spar_ supermarket as well as the green roof of the petrol station. The car rushed down the hill as though it couldn't wait to be back in its familiar streets.

Mum eased on the break and I looked out at the various houses I recognized as we pulled off to the left instead of going straight which would lead you to the diamond. We passed the small _Londis_ Supermarket and the post office and then I spotted McCoy's chippy.

"There's Mattie's." I pointed out though mum knew the house well enough. Pulling over onto the other side of the road, she parked at the entrance to the lane that was situated between Mattie's bungalow and the national school I once attended. Sometimes I'd think about how it would have been for Mattie to go to our national school because she would have lived next door and we could have just hung out at hers after or go there for lunch and watch the afternoon soaps but she didn't move to Rathglen until we were in secondary school.

I hopped out of the car, grabbing my denim shoulder bag and headed up the paved drive. I took the barest note of the car in the drive way, vaguely recognizing it as Mattie's Mum's before heading round to the back of the house.

I didn't bother to knock on the door, just let myself in knowing that there would be someone in the house if the door was unlocked. I did the exact same at Mariah's and with my own family and they did the same when it came to mine. Knocking was just a waste of effort.

Stepping into the warmth of the house, I turned into the kitchen and caught sight of Mattie sitting by the pine table with her knees pulled up to her chest and her hands wrapped around a mug of tea or something. For a moment, a nano second really, I just took in the sight of my friend. She had cut her hair and though she'd warned me she had, it still surprised me. It was no longer down past her shoulder but really short. She now had a short cap of pale rose hair, it was adorable looking and emphasized her pixyish features and made her crimson eyes bigger so they were now the focal point of her face. She really was a cute thing, Mariah had this whole wild cat image going for her with the vibrant pink hair and the golden eyes but Mattie was more docile looking.

She looked up and those garnet eyes warmed. "Hello stranger." her voice was slightly groggy from just waking up but other than the faint fatigue bruises under her eyes, she looked great. She was naturally pale, it didn't matter how many hours she spent in the sun she'd always be pale, she might burn but that would eventually peel away. She was not much taller than me at five foot four and a bit and she was only a little curvier than me too. She didn't care much about her figure though, she'd did go through a fashion phase but now she didn't really care. She wore what she wanted and if that was a pair of shorts with a pair of knee high socks, then she'd wear it.

"Morning. How's it goin'?" I flashed a look at Elizabeth who was really kind. The saying that you could tell what a girl would be like when she was older by looking at her mother definitely applied in Mattie's case. Her mother was like an older version. She was a manager at a clothes factory as well as a mother of two girls. She was easy to talk to and always made people feel comfortable around her.

"How're you Amber?" she asked as I sat down on a chair and Mattie set about fixing me a cup of tea.

Something that had been bothering me, a gnawing sensation I'd had since I woke up died away as I muddled through the basic pleasantries and settled into the easy going chatter between people who knew me as well as I knew myself.

* * *

"I think there's going to be thunder later." Mattie broke the comfortable silence that had settled as we sat in the good room and watched the Princess Diaries two, one of Mattie's favourite films, well for the moment. The good room was always cold, it could have something to do with the pale green couches and the white walls or it could just be the crack in the window that a couple of drunk hoodlums had caused.

Snuggling in further to the couch I was draped across, I turned a bored eye to the window. Right enough, the clouds were gathering in bigger stacks and the air was filled with moisture and there was a warmth to the air that summoned storms, but it was still cool outside. "I dunno, doesn't seem warm enough."

"That summer storm theory you have doesn't make sense, ya know. How do we get storms in winter?"

"I dunno." I replied lazily. "G'on turn that up."

I stretched and propped my feet against the arm of the couch. "So Mattie, tell me about you and Claude."

"Nothing to tell." she replied shortly.

I raised a brow and said nothing until she turned to observe me. People hate it when you don't reply when they want you to so I liked to be quiet and then when I did speak; they were ready to listen because the moment for their prepared comment was usually ruined. Or that's how it worked for Mari.

She gazed at me and raised her own brow. "Oh fine, he's been calling me a lot recently even though he knows I'm dating Roger."

I cringed. I didn't like that name so much but I hadn't met this Roger yet but Mari said I wouldn't like him. "Maybe Claude wants to be friends, remember that concept of a boy and a girl just hanging out without any romantic interludes?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes I know that but Claude and me being friends…" she made a face.

"What does that face mean? I like Claude."

"Yeah but… you'll like Roger."

"I'm not really much of a cat person." I muttered.

"What do cats have to do with anything?" she asked confused, shifting in her seat so she could look at me instead of the TV.

I shook my head. There was no need for me to tell Mattie that Mariah called Roger a pussy but from the things she'd been telling me and what I'd gleaned from Bethan, told me that he was a bit strange. He had a habit of phoning her and demanding where she was, wanting her to always be around him forgoing her own plans with her friends and treating her like she was just there to cater for him. He annoyed me for some reason I couldn't quite put my finger on and I was actually thinking of scaring him off. Me and Mari could do it no problem. After all Mariah had threatened Claude after he and Mattie had gotten together. It was bloody funny to see his expression and then he shrugged it off. Maybe we might not be able to scare Roger off but with a name like Roger?

"Well?"

Ah shit, she wanted an answer. Eeek! "Um, well he likes cats doesn't he?"

She shook her head. "His dad's a farmer; he has no cats, just dogs."

"Really, sorry must have him confused with someone else. Sorry about that."

She peered at me for a little while longer; then turned back to the film. While she was watching that, I poked around in my bag and tugged out the bus timetable Mattie had downloaded off the net. "So when's Mari getting here?"

"He's cute… hmm? Oh around noon." she nibbled on her nail and then fisted her hand tucking her thumb away from her mouth. "Are you going to the supper dance in Rathglen?"

I perked up. "The Orange Dance?"

"Yeah, are you going?"

I thought about it. I liked the orange dances, they were cool and you were around people of the same background as you, it was like being part of a secret club but it would mean meeting up with my Dad. "I guess so. Who's playing?"

"Tommy McKnight."

I winced. Tommy was a one man band and not an especially great one. "Where they holding it? Up at the Newton Hotel?"

Mattie nodded, flinging her sock clad feet out as she yawned. "Yep, the food there always sucks. It's either too cold or there's not enough. I think they're having a buffet though because George was saying something like that to Dad at church last Sunday."

"Is Michael going?"

She pondered over that for a moment; then shrugged. "I guess so. He'll probably be taking Bethan."

"Aye I'll go then." It'll be a bit weird not having Mystel with me though, he always came along even though his family had nothing to do with the orange but he enjoyed just going out and meeting loads of different people. It really would be strange because most of the conversations I got involved in were usually brought about through some of the older men teasing me about him, now they wouldn't be doing that. Maybe I shouldn't go after all, oh well, I'll see how I feel.

"When's Ballykuten's lodge having theirs?"

I had no clue. "No idea. I'll ask Seth. Do you want tickets for it?"

"Yeah please. This'll be our first time going to Ballykuten's."

That was true. Each lodge had a dance but we only went to our own lodge's one and Kilkrennan's since it was always great craic. I really probably should have gone to Bakuten's since it was my family's own lodge, the one my grandfather went to and my father and uncles were members of but I guess because it was my Dad's one, I'd never been compelled to go. "There was never any point since it was kind of far away and, I dunno, did you ever want to go to their's?"

She scrunched up her nose. "Nah, not really."

The door opened behind us and Kelly, Mathilda's sister, walked in wearing what looked to be the school PE jumper. She was suffering from serious bed hair, something Mattie never seemed to get.

"Hey Kels."

"Hi." she replied, her voice slightly deeper than her sisters. She wandered behind the couch and began to root around.

"What are you doing?" Mattie asked, turning so she could see her.

"Looking for a brush. What are you watching?"

"Princess Diaries two."

"I saw the first one, it was good. Is that one better?"

I shook my head. "Hard to tell. It's kind of the same."

"Oh." she said and then she left which was weird because usually she was more talkative, or the last time I'd spoken to her she had been more talkative but then again, she wasn't a morning person and that time she'd been half filled with every alcohol in the house. I spent most of the night chasing her and trying to pour the stuff down the sink. I only got the German brew down though, the rest she chugged.

Instead of saying anything, I scooted down on the couch and curling up in a ball, I revelled in the warmth that I'd created…

The sun shone warm and the scent of cut grass still lingered in the yellow field we lay in. The silage had been cut and baled over the weekend and Mystel and I had decided to take advantage of the fact that we'd be able to see where we sat instead of guessing if there was any shit hidden in the grass. The sun had baked the ground hard and dried up any dew that had lingered from the early morning.

I stretched out, closing my eyes so that all I could see was bright orange and feel the heat on my skin. I loved summer. I loved listening to the sounds of buzzards over head, the cawing of crows; the sounds of bees buzzing around the hawthorn flowers or the zip of passing flies.

"I think I'll do it."

I opened my eyes to cast him a glance. He sat by my head, legs stretched out, face tilted up to the sun. He chewed on a blade of wild grass which couldn't be all that hygienic but he liked the look of it. It was probably the closest he'd ever get to smoking. "What do you think you'll do?"

"Ride Mean Bastard."

"What?" I scrambled into a sitting position, moving to face him. Mean Bastard was the meanest, most temperamental horse at the equestrian centre we both hung out at and represented at the shows. "He'll throw you before you even get him to move. He doesn't like people. Besides Brooklyn will kick your ass. He said he's going to do it."

"I thought you'd want me to take away Brooklyn's glory."

"Yeah if you genuinely disliked Brooklyn. But you don't so your reason is bogus! Anyway, I'd rather Brooklyn get thrown than you. And what if you get thrown and you end up breaking your spine."

"I won't break my spine."

"You also said you wouldn't break your leg when you jumped from that tree and what happened? You spent weeks on crutches." I pointed out, not caring if I sounded the least bit petulant. I was not going to let my best friend get himself injured because of a stupid bet by Thomas Smith. Mrs. D would kill me. I wasn't even sure how the bet got started. Brooklyn and Thomas had just got in one of their 'I'm better than you' moods and the next thing you know, Thomas has challenged Brooklyn to ride Mean Bastard. And now Mystel would do it if it meant protecting Brooklyn. Stupid. "Let's put it this way, you ride Mean Bastard and I'll never speak to you again. Ever!"

"Oh Amber."

"No, I mean it." I folded my arms and turned away from him. I knew it was such a girl thing to say but I didn't care. If it stopped him from doing something stupid then… "What would be the forfeit if Brooklyn didn't ride Mean Bastard?"

"You'd have to kiss Thomas."

I started with a yelp, sure I'd heard him wrong because it sounded like the words kiss and Thomas had been linked in the same sentence to me. That could not be right. I suppressed a shudder. "What did you say?"

Mystel's lips quirked helplessly. "That was the deal."

"Oh ew! No fair, I'm going to punch that pudgy git!" I snarled turning my gaze away from my best friend and down the hill where a brook bubbled happily. The scent of flowers laced the air but I couldn't take any pleasure from it. "He sweats like a pig and he never washes his hair! Ugh, I think I'm going to hurl. I can't kiss him, if I did…" I trailed off. Never in my thirteen years on this godforsaken Island had I'd ever wanted to get away so desperately. "If I did it to stop both of you two eejits attempting suicide... oh god. He'd be my first kiss, that can't happen!"

"Look, we'll be fine. One of us will ride Mean Bastard. If we get thrown we get thrown, we've fallen off horses plenty of times before."

"Yeah but they weren't Mean Bastard!" I growled. "He's not like other horses, he's possessed!"

"Amber." he said my name almost like an exasperated whine. "I've told you, the horse can't be possessed. You look for the weird in everything."

I stuck out my tongue. "It's alright for you. If you get hurt while riding, I'll feel guilty and if you don't ride, I'm going to be looking over my shoulder constantly in case Thomas tries to jump me. I don't want him to be my first kiss!"

"Amber he won't be your first kiss. You kiss me all the time."

I shot him a baleful look. How naïve was he? "That's different. You're my best friend and besides, there are no tongues involved. He's going to stick his slimy tongue down my throat, I know it. I hope I hurl on him!"

"He's not going to kiss you because one of us will ride Mean Bastard."

"You won't because I'm going to tell Nadine and she'll put a stop to this nonsense." I stated with all the faith of a thirteen year old looking up to a grown up.

"Fine." he said, turning away from me. "But don't come crying to me when Thomas jumps you and forces his tongue down your throat!"

I blanched. Oh god, the image was too vivid that I could almost feel the offending organ clogging my throat. I pressed my hand to my mouth to prevent myself from gagging.

"Ok Ams, if it'll help, I'll kiss you, tongues and all."

I jerked my shoulder in reaction to the offer. "No way, that would be too weird! Besides I've seen your penis! And it's not that big either." That had surprised me, everyone always talked about how big their dicks were but Mystel's wasn't.

"I was seven!" he yelled.

"So it's hardly going to get any bigger in the six years between."

"You are in such a bitchy mood."

I snarled at him but he only glared back. We were both irritable with the thought of Thomas and yuk! I punched his shoulder and he nudged me back. Before I knew it, I lunged at him but he only countered and rolled me onto my back, pinning my arms above my head as I squirmed beneath him.

"You're a yellow bellied coward!"

He huffed out a breath, jerking his head back as I managed to tug my hand out of his grip to take a shot at his jaw. A few more breathless struggles and we were back to where we'd started. I hated it. He was hardly any taller than me and he wasn't much bulkier but he still managed to be stronger than me. I bucked and glared at him.

"Get off me, Mystel! If you don't, I'll tell your mum that you've been picking fights with me."

"Stop being such a baby Amber." he scowled down at me, his eyes sparking with annoyance.

"Then get off!" I hated how helpless I felt. If Mystel could out manoeuvre me then there was no doubt that Thomas could, after all Thomas was so much stronger. "Dammit, Mystel, get off me!"

"Not until you calm down." he grunted as I tried to wrench my arms out of his grip.

Somewhere along the way, the fight went out of me, just leaked right away and left me feeling stupid and ashamed. "I'm sorry." I mumbled, my hands going lax in his grip and my muscles went limp. It was stupid to take it out on him but he was the only one I would show this side too. He'd seen me at my best and my worse. But all the same, I had no right to punch him.

"Are you going to behave?" he asked cautiously.

"Yes." I muttered grudgingly. I hated when he did that, making me sound like a spoilt brat throwing a hissy fit whenever something didn't go my way. I rolled my eyes and looked up at him suddenly realizing what sort of position we were in and how it could be construed. It wasn't very innocent looking. He was all but lying on top of me to keep my wrists locked in his hands. His lower body was a solid warmth pressing intimately against me and… Oh maybe he wasn't so small after all. I swept my gaze up to his eyes wondering if he could read the knowledge in my eyes. I could feel his arousal pressed against me but didn't understand what to do about it. This was my best friend, he shouldn't be getting a hard on because of me. For heaven's sake, I'd seen him naked loads of times, granted we were only young and I hadn't seen him naked in six years but I had all but lived in a little world where Mystel was unisexual. He wasn't a boy and he wasn't a girl, he was just Mystel and I was just Amber.

And, oh boy. This was weird. I shifted trying to put some distance between me and little Mystel. I heard Mystel's sharp in take of breath and knew I'd done something wrong, very wrong. My eyes locked on his widened ones.

"Amber just…" his voice was hoarse and it was a fascination. His pulse was jumping against the smooth olive skin at his throat. A faint flush had worked its way along his cheekbones charmingly. His white blond hair glinted in the sun, forming a platinum halo around his face which was shadowed by the light of the sun behind his head. His breath was coming in short, shallow gasps, rushing in and out from between parted lips. A golden hoop winked in his left ear. These were all things I'd noticed before, they were all things that made up Mystel but I'd never taken them in individually. He had a good strong face, the type of face you saw and never ignored or forgot. The sharp plains, the hollowed cheeks, the prominent cheekbones, the straight nose and wide brow were all nice on their own, but it was his eyes that brought out the real beauty of his face though he'd have been embarrassed if I'd said that and Brooklyn and the other guys would have razzed him about it. But it was the truth.

And right now his eyes were darkening as my pulse began to speed up. A flush began to move over me and it became unbearably hot.

"You can get off me." My voice came out as no more than a whisper, sounding odd and husky in the fresh air and sunshine. Frowning bewildered, I judged my body's reaction. My pulse was galloping as though I'd just run a marathon but I'd only wrestled with Mystel and that hadn't really exerted me. My head was spinning oddly but that could be because the air was becoming trapped in my lungs, probably because Mystel was sitting on top of me and making no move to get off. "Well?"

"Hold on a second." he replied, but he made no move to get off, instead he was gazing steadily at me. I licked my lips as they became dry and warm. Maybe I was coming down with heat stroke.

Suddenly Mystel began to shift but not to get off me; oh no he was leaning closer. I could smell the scent of him, clover and musk with the faintest tint of sweat from the warm day. He's going to kiss me! The words flashed in my mind and my eyes widened with realization, then before I could do anything, his warm lips were pressed against mine and my eyes closed. I'd always wondered what it would be like to kiss a boy and Mystel was right, I had kissed him before. Just little friendly ones, quick pecks to show I appreciated him but this was different. I knew that it would be even before his mouth sealed over mine.

I don't know what I'd been expecting but it certainly hadn't been the rush of heat that swept through me. His hands released mine and one intertwined with one of mine, the other skimmed down my side in a way that made me want to purr. I felt so incredibly good. My free arm slipped up to his baby soft hair to hold him closer as his lips parted and I felt a jolt at the touch of his tongue against my lips. Tentatively I parted them and felt a wonderful tingle shoot down my spine.

Part of me was continuously pointing out that this was Mystel, my best friend and that if this continued, I could wreck our friendship irreparably. Then another pointed out that Mystel had taught me to climb trees, to ride a horse bareback and how to hot wire the tractor at the stables. This was just another thing for him to add to the list. Besides it was unbearably hard to think when his tongue had swept fully into my mouth causing the most incredible sensations to explode there. He tasted of citrus fruits, tangy, and sweet but fresh.

Hearing his breathless moan as my tongue tentatively toyed with his sent a thrill of exhilaration through me. This was ridiculous but at the same time so good. I pressed closer to him, eager for more. My lungs felt like they were on fire and my heart was thumping desperately against my rib cage.

Eventually Mystel pulled back and, reluctantly, I let him because I seriously needed to breathe. If breathing hadn't been a problem… I flushed. He rolled off me and sat up, looking anywhere but at me. I bit my lip which felt swollen and bruised. I had just kissed Mystel, hell it was more than just a simple kiss.

I sat up and rubbed a hand over my face. The atmosphere between us had become tense and awkward. I didn't know what to say, to do. Mystel had kissed me! How does someone react to that? Did I want him to do it again? If Mariah were here, that's what she'd be asking me. Did I want him to kiss me again? Um…

I glanced over at him. I liked him; that was true. We were close, very close. I could talk to him about absolutely anything and not feel daft. I'd just about do anything to protect him. He was cute; I could admit that, I just hadn't really paid too much attention to his looks because that caused complications in friendships when feelings got involved.

But what did Mystel want? Well he'd kissed me first and he wouldn't have done that lightly. People like Mystel did not go around kissing people, especially not someone he's been friends with for so long, he wouldn't jeopardize a friendship like that just because his hormones got in the way. Yet, it had been a spur of the moment thing, right? Oh I didn't know.

"Mystel?" he looked at me almost shyly as if he was as afraid of what would happen as I was. Things had changed between us; it could either get worse or get better. Here's hoping I make the right choice. "Wanna do that again?"

He stared at me for a heart wrenching moment, before a grin spread slowly over his face and he pulled me against him. His mouth slanted perfectly over mine and I realized the symptoms I'd been suffering had been nothing to do with heat stroke and everything to do with Mystel.

"Maybe we should stick a peanut up her nose." I parted from Mystel or I thought I did but he was no longer there and I could hear Mariah's voice.

I stood up and looked around the field but I was the only one here apart from a really big wasp staring at me.

"She'll get pissed off with you again." it said sounding remarkably like Mathilda. I felt weird, like something was trying to suck me out of the field, a weird feeling that I wasn't really there and that there was another place I should have been. There was no longer any sound, just a-

I snapped awake, a loud clap ringing in my ears. I blinked disorientated and tried to remember where I was. There was someone standing over me. I looked up and groaned. "Oh it's you."

Mariah beamed at me. "Did you know you drool when you're asleep?"

"I do not." but despite myself, I touched my mouth with my fingers and encountered a patch of moisture. I groaned. "Gross."

"My thoughts exactly. So you fell asleep. Did you have a nice dream?"

"Shut up Mari, all I'm hearing right now is a buzzing sound and it's really annoying." And my voice was sounding really weird. Ugh. I sat up and closed my eyes against the revolving room. "Oh god."

The cushion beside me shifted as Mariah plopped her ass down on it. "So what were you dreaming about?"

I pressed my hand to my face. I couldn't believe I'd fallen asleep. I'd never fallen asleep so easily at someone else's home before, crying out loud I didn't even sleep during the day at my own home. "What time is it?" I asked; my voice rusty and my hair was in complete disarray. I felt liked I'd been hit by a truck which was part of the reason I didn't take naps during the day, it always left me feeling more tired than I had been.

"We have another ten minutes before we have to go for the bus. So Mattie you should go get ready and Amber, you need to fix your hair and makeup."

"I'm not wearing makeup."

Mariah made a sound low in her throat, like a growl. "You will be the death of me, Ams. Go on Mattie."

Mattie cast me another look; then headed out the door. I slumped back against the back of the sofa and closed my eyes, muffling a yawn.

"So how are you?" Mariah asked as she slouched beside me.

I rolled my head to look at her. "I'm fine. I dunno; I just must have been tired."

"I guess with you working now, it will make you tired. How's that going for you?"

I pulled out the band from my hair and producing a brush from my bag, I began to tidy up my hair. "It's not bad. I mean Nicolai's a great boss, the whole package works out great for me. He pays for the vet fees and everything else I need for Gypsy, I get a place to house Gypsy should I ever need it and one of his horses to ride; he gets the choice on whether to sell or keep the first foal. Should he sell it, we split the money. I don't think he'll sell it though, I have a good feeling about this foal."

"Have they mated yet?"

"No, that won't happen for a while yet. Around February will be a good time, I think."

She shook her cerise pink hair out of her eyes. It was thick and felt like silk, I knew because I used to play with it when I was younger. It was one of those things I could remember vividly from national school, when the bell rang at the end of break, we'd line up by the wall to wait for teacher and while we waited, I'd plait Mariah's hair while she played with her doll. Her eyes were a bright gold, framed by thick black lashes complimented by lily white skin and a lush mouth. She really was gorgeous. She had a more feminine figure than either me or Mattie but she was tinier than us too, by about an inch or two but that didn't bother her. She could still talk down to people but she was also one of the friendliest people I knew. It was no wonder she had more boyfriends than I had.

"So you like working there then?"

"Yeah."

"And does he still creep you out?"

I winced and wished I hadn't told Mariah about how Kai creeped me out. There wasn't really a reason for it, but there was just something there. He just didn't like me and I guess me invading his life wasn't endearing me to him. I still felt foolish though because when she asked me about him there was a tone to her voice that I didn't like, as though she were laughing at me. "I didn't say he creeped me out, I just said I didn't like the way he acted."

"Which is the same as creeping you out." she retorted knowingly. "Well you only have to see him at school, at least he doesn't work the same days you do."

"I know." That was one good thing. I worked Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings after school and had one Saturday per week off. Kai was always away on Saturdays, just up in the house on the other days if he bothered to come home or he'd be at football practice. And even at school, we avoided each other like the plague, or I avoided him, I really don't know about him myself. It isn't easy since Tala's become one of my best friends at the school, he always finds a way to cheer me up but Kai makes me feel uncomfortable. "Yeah you're right. God, where is Mattie?"

Mariah leaned back and tried to look out the small gap in the doorway. "Mattie hurry up!" she shouted then shrugged. "So where do you want to go first?"

I wrinkled my nose. "I know I have a CD or two to get. There's a book at ABC I want, um… not sure what else. You want to go to TK Maxx®?"

"Yeah, there is some really good stuff in there if you would just bother to look."

"I resent that, I happen to like cheap clothing." I mumbled and then caught her pointed look at my trainers. I beamed proudly.

"I cannot believe you still own them, never mind wear them!"

My beam turned into a grin as I chuckled at her exasperation. I looked at my shoes and wiggled them. "They're so cute!"

"They're so old; if they were human they'd be as old as Methuselah."

"You mean like they're four in our years but in shoe years they're like ancient?" I questioned, it was an interesting theory.

"Yeah!" she snapped as though I should have known that. "Why do you think shoes are always wearing out so easily, they age fast. Usually after a few years in our years, they'd be retiring but you're being cruel to your shoes. It's like slave labour."

I pouted but it turned into a snicker. "Shit, thank god no strangers walked in on that conversation, shoe years, Christ Mari."

She flashed a grin. "You started it, to think I was actually beginning to believe that I was normal."

I burst out laughing only sobering slightly to gasp out. "Good one, you normal." Before I dissolved into laughter again.

"I am normal. I'm completely normal but then you, you make me weird."

"I make you weird? Mari you can't blame me for something that's in your genetic code."

She frowned then contemplated what I said. "Are you calling my family weird?"

"No, no, no, no, no." I denied vehemently, beginning to inch off the couch, as her eyes narrowed, mine widened. "Ah shit." I yelped before jumping off the couch and yanking the door open, I dived out onto the hall, leaping over a discarded TV on the floor and dashing down the hall with Mariah hot on my heels. "Dammit Mattie get out here!"

I squeaked as her hands grabbed for my top, veering to the left I dived into the nearest doorway and almost ran straight into Mattie's bed. "Woah!"

I stumbled and pressed my hand against the wall for balance as Mariah collided with me. Looking around, we found Mattie stepping out of the wardrobe in a pair of jeans and some sort of floaty green top. "What?" she asked warily looking between both of us.

Me and Mariah exchanged glances. "Nothing." we chimed before grabbing Matties' hand and leading her out of the bedroom ignoring her protest about having no perfume on and having not checked her makeup and the usual things women seem to worry about that don't really matter anyway.

* * *

"GUYS!" I whined and whimpered pitifully. "Slow down."

"I'm killing her, I swear to god."

Mariah looked back at me with dark eyes. "Get in line." she muttered to Mattie.

I smothered a grin. They hate me; they well and truly hate me. Oh well, serves them right for power walking up the main street. I dragged my feet, leisurely looking around at all the various people taking in the various faces you'd look at twice and ignoring the faces that didn't stand out.

"Oh shit." Mariah muttered falling back to my side. "HIV guy."

I snapped my head to where she motioned and saw the tell tale red jacket and cringed. We'd been dodging the red jacket HIV guys all day. They were working for some charity but they latched onto you like a silk burr and wouldn't release us even if we tried to walk away from them. Not to mention that they were really gay guys and they kind of creeped Mattie out.

"Cross the street." I ordered and without even looking up the one way street, we dashed across the road, giving an irate taxi driver the finger for beeping his horn at us. Dickwad! Music blasted out from the square in front of us which was really just a pavilion with a small courtyard and a fountain where people played and others listened. These guys were doing their own version of Nirvana's Lithium and it was ok but we didn't bother to stop, instead popped into the doorway of the Music Centre.

Familiar music and lyrics screamed out from the speakers and immediately I caught the rhythm and mouthed out the fast paced words as we made our way down the side of the CD shelf. The Music centre wasn't much. It was small with one main shelf down the middle filled with CD's and on the walls were PlayStation2, Xbox and Gameboy games while Videos and DVD's were on the other. Near the back there were guitars and other instruments but I wasn't interested in them at the moment.

"So please believe your eyes, a sacrifice, is not what we had in our minds, I'm coming home tonight, home tonight…" I sang softly to myself as I looked for what I wanted. Trickling my fingers over the various cases, I tapped my foot to the beat and vaguely tuned into Mattie and Mari's conversation.

"She's stupid if she thinks that'll work." Mariah was saying scathingly.

"Well that's what she told me. I don't really care because, like she said, it's her life."

"Oh well, no worries."

"Can I help you ladies?" a male voice asked from behind the counter.

"Yeah turn up the music a bit." I replied distractedly.

"Sorry no can do Ams."

Damn!

Wait Ams is my name. Huh? I blinked, frowned and then glanced up. My face shifted from confused to surprised and then delight when I caught sight of the lean frame leaning against the counter. Silky black hair framed his olive skinned face and brought out the gold of his tiger eyes.

"Heylo!" I greeted moving over to him. "How's it goin'? I didn't know you worked here."

Rei Kon nodded. "Yeah been working here since the start of summer."

"Ah well I usually go to the centre in the _CourtYard_. But there are some charity workers over there, so we came here instead."

Rei grinned, an easy smile that prompted smiles from others. He leaned back to look out the window. "Yeah they've been harassing everyone walking down that street all day."

"Ahem."

I smothered a grin and looked back at Mariah who was staring at me pointedly. "You want me to introduce you Mari?" If looks could kill, I'd be six feet under. I cringed and laughed nervously. "Hehe, uh, Rei these are my best friends Mariah and Mathilda."

"Nice to meet you." Rei greeted.

"Rei's in my form class and he was my partner in HE." I explained.

"Was?" Mariah asked me but her eyes were solely on Rei. Oh god. Here we go again. Mariah cannot be introduced to hot male guys because she turns into a sexual predator. I glanced over at Mattie and rolled my eyes at her causing her to grin.

"Yeah two other boys in our class, Enrique and Oliver kind of got in trouble and the teacher swapped Enrique with me." Rei told them.

I chuckled. "What he means to say is that Oliver got pissed with Enrique for messing around and threw a spatula at him."

Mariah gaped at us imitating a fish as she struggled to come up with some kind of reaction. Finally she shook off the shock. "Oliver, the pleasant boy who tutors you in History? The one you always refer to as sweet and slightly feminine."

Oh god, why did she have to add that part? Great, now Rei would know I thought Oliver was gay, just great. I ground my teeth. "Yes, he's the one who tutors me in History."

"Really? He doesn't seem to be the type to have temper tantrums."

"He's an artistic type of guy." Rei responded with that friendly charm that endeared him to people. "Usually he's really nice but in the kitchen he turns into a demon."

I had to agree with Rei on that statement, Oliver could really lose his cool when he was in the kitchen. Everything had to be done to his exact orders. I guess it was because he wanted to be a culinary chef and own his own restaurant but who wanted to be yelled at twenty four seven just for using the wrong type of butter in a recipe? I was so pleased I got Enrique, even if he was a bit of a lecherous numbskull; he was an adorable lecherous numbskull. Though he did give new meaning to the word blond at times.

"So you girls just in town for the day to shop?"

"Yup just here to spend my pay packet."

"Oh that's right you're working at the stables, how's that working out for you?"

I smiled pleased he remembered. It meant that everything I spoke to him about during our short period together hadn't been mindless babble. I genuinely liked Rei ever since Miyami introduced us formally. Supposedly she and Rei dated for a while and then she developed a taste for red heads, still trying to figure out which red head she's aiming for. Aspin hints that he's in our class and then Miyami punches her with unbridled enthusiasm.

"It's going great. Hard work and I come home stinking of shit, but other than that, yeah it's fun."

"Except that Hiwatari jr. creeps her out."

I gaped at her. Did she have to be such a motor mouth? Rei and Kai were friends, I did not want Kai to find out that he was making me paranoid, god dammit. He was trying to intimidate me and I didn't want him to know he was succeeding. "Do you have to tell everyone that?"

"What it's the truth, isn't it?"

Oh yeah and that innocent act did not fool me, I could see the mirth in her eyes. She was finding this funny. Amber is creeped out by weird broody co-worker, alert the frickin' presses ladies and gentlemen! "Just shut up!"

Rei just laughed. Laughed! Like we were a circus act! Well I suppose Mari could pass for a clown. "Oh don't mind Kai, he can be a bit intimidating but once you get to know him, he's a really nice guy."

"Well if he keeps up the 'I want to kill you' glares, I don't think I'll be getting to know him."

"Maybe they are 'I'll kill you' glares but 'I want to jump you' glares."

Silence, all I could hear was a roaring of my blood in my ears as I stared speechless at my 'so called' best friend. "Yeah. That's it, I'm sorry I got both of them confused cos they're so alike!" I drawled sarcastically. "Did you take your medication today?"

"Doesn't sound like it. Mari leave Amber alone, if she wants to be paranoid about every guy who looks twice at her, then that's her prerogative." Mattie intervened calmly with her wise words that were going to put her ten feet under the ground. I was not paranoid, Hiwatari did not want to jump me and I really hate these pink haired girls.

And the only thing Rei could do was chuckle while Mari smiled all the while casting looks at Rei from under her lashes. I scowled. "Go hump a chair." I snarled my very pithy and oh so smart comment as I stomped away towards the CD shelves again with the intention of buying my CD's without any more interruptions.

And where did Mattie come up with words like Prerogative? I didn't even know that word… the only time I heard was in that sleazy Brittany song that was kind of crap. No wait, not kind of, it was very crap.

"Hey Rei, is that the Rise Against album or a mixed album with Rise Against on it?" I asked without looking up. I was traipsing through the crap that was organized alphabetically to find something I would like.

"The album."

The door opened and more teens filtered in. I was kind of grateful they hadn't been there before; it would have been oh so weird having that conversation. I didn't mind Rei listening in because Rei's cool and I like him, but strangers, meh, not really what I wanted their first impression of me to be. "What's the name?"

"Siren song for the… counter culture." I figured by the rustle of paper and the pause, he had to find the CD case and then read off the title. Fair enough it wasn't exactly the easiest name to remember. I found Radio Head, something by some guy named Romeo which made me roll my eyes and then finally in the middle of some other garbage, there was my salvation. Plucking it out of the shelf, I hugged it to myself and then moved up to M. Mari was still talking/flirting with Rei while Mattie was looking through the DVD's. I began to look through M and contemplated the Nine Inch Nails album that was misplaced. I had heard a single from it but until I heard a few more, I wasn't sure if I would get it. I had an album I had to get anyway and this was already going to cost me €40.00, I didn't need to waste anymore money on things I really didn't need.

"I thought you were working today." a voice murmured against my ear and a trickle of nerves moved down my spine.

I cursed and jumped the height of myself, my hand pressing against my stomach to keep it from leaping out. Whirling, I found myself glaring at Kai, of course. He was leaning against the wall behind me; arms folded casually looking as though he hadn't a care in the world. I hated that ability of his to hide everything he was thinking, if I'm angry I scowl, if he's angry… well I don't know because he doesn't ever show he's angry. Maybe he doesn't ever get mad. Oh well, even if he doesn't, he never smiles either to my knowledge, or show any emotion at all. He's got this whole emotionless thing going for him and really nice forearms but that's beside the point. Mystel had nice forearms too, bronzed with the odd adorable freckle. And I'm way, way, way off the point.

"What is with you and sneaking up on me?" I demanded, instinctively folding my own arms defensively.

"I asked a question."

"I chose to ignore it." My lips quirked in a cynical grin, pleased with how fast I'd come back with that retort. Hey what do you know, hanging out with pinkie and the brain works miracles, I'm almost me again. Almost. Part of me felt I was being rude but, well, he wasn't my boss, his father was so I didn't have to answer to him. I turned my back and looked through the CD's again. My Chemical Romance, My Chemical Romance, My Chemical Romance, where the hell is My Chemical Romance? Where did they get the name My Chemical Romance? Where do bands get their names? Like, Manfred Mann's Earth band, what a cool name but names such as The Tom Robinson band are kind of obvious but thank god the new bands coming out aren't sticking band at the end of the name. It would be like JK Rowling calling her next book "The Harry Potter and the Half blood Prince book". I mean the fact that it comes in the book shape with pages and cover is a big clue that it's a book, so why did some bands stick band at the end of their name. They're singing and playing music, I think we can safely say they're a band without them telling us that. Though Westlife trying to say they were a band cracked me up.

"He's still there Ams."

"Huh?" I peered over my shoulder and then looked away and shook my head. Mystel was right, he was still standing behind me but at least he wasn't looking at me, instead he was looking through the PlayStation2 games but I was becoming awkwardly aware of just how small the aisles between the wall and the shelves were. _And how come you never told me he was there in the first place?_

"_Sorry._"

Ri-ight. "Ah-ha." I grinned triumphantly as I pulled out the My Chemical Romance CD.

"You find what you were looking for Ams?"

"Yeah thanks Rei." I pushed past Kai and headed to the counter, all the while trying to ignore the feeling that Kai was trying to bore holes into my neck.

"So where did you hear of Rise Against? They're not on the radio much."

"Are they even on the radio? I heard _Give it all _on the _Need for Speed Underground 2_ game."

He nodded as he scanned the barcode and rung it up. "Never got the game, have the first one. Is it worth getting the second one?"

I nodded. "Yeah even if you get it just for the sound track, well worth it. The cars are, I wouldn't say they're better, but the vinyl's and other accessories are cool."

"I'll check it out, or borrow it from Johnny. Hold on." I watched as he headed to the back to retrieve the discs I wanted. As I waited, I pulled out two twenty's and looked at the counter display, noting the Yu-gi-oh cards that hadn't seem to go out of fashion and the badges with quirky comments such as '_I still miss my ex… but my aim is getting better_' and '_I like the pope… the pope smokes dope_' which seemed sort of crass since the old man's dead and everything.

I glanced at Mattie as she came to stand me. "What d'ya get?"

She held up the DVD's she'd chosen. Soppy Romance number one, two and three… Great! They also went under the names of Dirty Dancing, A Cinderella Story, and Raise your Voice… Ok maybe not romances but Hillary Duff fest is just as weird. Mattie's tastes are very, well you know how with tunnel vision you can only see straight ahead or something, with her she can only see one type of film and that's just teenage romances. She doesn't like supernatural, horror, crime, thriller, action, adventure and the usual sorts. Me, I like all types of films bar something that will scare the shit out of me and give me nightmares but I like a bit of comedy and loads of explosions with car chases and hot guys. I'm simple like that.

"Hmm." Was the only polite reply I could come up with. I kind of felt like making a gagging expression but she'd only get offended.

"Hey Ams, check this out."

Glancing over my shoulder, I raised a brow at the traffic signs poster she was pointing out. The light gleamed off the laminated covering so it was slightly difficult to see what was on the poster exactly but I could see the traffic signs since I recognized them. "Interesting."

"This'll help you when you learn to drive."

"Somehow I really don't think so." Not if Mari found it amusing and that sick glint in her eye told me that it wasn't a normal poster.

"Come over and look!" she urged.

"I don't want to."

"Now."

I made a sound of disgust and pandered to her. As I glanced up at the poster a grin curved my features. A triangle with 10" meant satisfaction guaranteed. I bit back a snicker. On the poster were all the road signs with sexual meanings.

"Cool, right?"

"Very." I agreed. "Now I have to go pay for my music." I crossed back to Rei and waited for him to pack my CD's into the Paper bag.

"That's thirty nine, ninety eight."

I handed over the two twenty's, looking subtly over my shoulder to see what Kai was doing but he was simply mumbling to himself and checking out the back of a game. I took the change from Rei and headed for the door to stand with Mari idly wondering where Tala was. He had said that he and Kai usually hung out, in fact at school he and Kai tended to be inseparable which was why it was so hard to hang out with Tala alone. But I couldn't see him here at all.

"Ok let's go."

I followed Mattie out the door and waved goodbye to Rei as did Mariah funnily enough, she seemed very friendly with the nice Chinese boy. I nudged her in the ribs. "Down girl."

"What?"

"You were all over him." Mattie said with a knowing grin.

"I was not." Mariah feigned innocence while curling a pink strand around her manicured finger, a telltale sign she was lying through her teeth.

"Bull, you were flirting with Rei like your life depended on it. Well did you at least get his number?"

I snickered as Mattie continued her inquisition while I simply looked on and marvelled at the role reversal.

"No I didn't because I wasn't hitting on him. I just think he's very nice and he was very friendly to Amber and that's good of him."

"What am I? A charity case? Puh-lease." I drawled with a grin. "If you're going to hit on a guy, don't use me as an excuse."

She stuck out her tongue. "Besides, I didn't want to come on too strong but he did happen to mention that you have his number."

Oh shit! "Hehehe, I do but it's like, in case of emergencies and the like and are you really going to ask him out?" I whined. I didn't have a problem with it so much but I liked Rei and if Mari and him split up… well it would be like Brooklyn and Arista all over again, only I wasn't there for them so I could feign ignorance but with Rei and Mari… Ah shit!

"I don't know. I'll see tonight."

"Huh?"

"Oh, see Rei was telling me that the underage disco is on tonight and-"

"NO!" I snapped causing a few people on the street to look at us oddly. I averted my gaze and groaned. "I hate disco's, they play crappy music."

"It'll be fun."

"We're going to the cinema, remember?"

"We can go to an early showing and then go to the Astral."

I whimpered and stomped my foot. "Mattie tell her, she's messing everything up."

"You are acting like a child, Amber Marie."

I scowled. She full named me, I hate when people do that. Folding my arms, I refused to talk to either of them even though I knew I was being completely childish. But hey, I hadn't been childish in ages and it felt oh so good.

"Ha and to think you weren't going to come."

Yeah but it might have been weird. They're avoiding mentioning you. Or Mattie is, Mariah can't be that tactful, but that's good.

"_You've missed them; you needed to see them to cheer up. You're lousy company when you're depressed._"

Shouldn't have died then should you.

"_Stop throwing that in my face, please._"

I winced. I hadn't meant it to hurt him with the comment, I tended to be an asshole to my closest friends; it was to show them I loved them without them getting big headed over it.

"_I know you didn't mean it, but… I'm sorry; I'm not in good humour this afternoon._"

Any reason why?

"_No reason really, just… Look just have fun today, ok? That's all I want_."

Ok.

I felt him go and frowned over the encounter, what had upset him so much? Was he angry that I was having fun with the girls? That didn't mean I'd forgotten him, yet he had told me to have fun. Was he only saying that so I'd feel less guilty about not thinking about him so much today? I wasn't sure. Grief bothered me, was I supposed to be upset over his death longer? Should I have locked myself away from others? I thought the best way to move on was to try to get on with life, but it didn't mean I'd get over him, I couldn't. I loved him too much. He was my life and now I was trying to forge another with out him, trying to fill the gap he'd left with lots of people who just couldn't fill it completely.

"So where are we going to go now?"

"McDonalds." Mariah stated. "It's close to the cinema and _TK Maxx_®."

I didn't reply instead I let them lead me down the hill past the rows of shops and the shoppers.

* * *

"No the time where Mattie sat on chewing gum, best day ever." Mariah argued as she dipped her fry into a salt and pepper pile she'd created.

I banged the table with my plastic golf stick that I'd received with my happy meal. "No, that day that Christopher McNally walked around with that stain on his ass that looked like he shit himself."

Mattie snorted and managed to keep the mouthful of drink she'd gulped down in her mouth. Swallowing it, she blew out a breath. "That was funny, alright. So what are we doing next?"

"It's going to rain." I pointed out, looking up at the spits of water on the glass windows.

"I can't believe I didn't get a toy." Mariah muttered. "I suppose we'll head over to the cinema, find out what time- Oh does any of you want to go see Mr. & Mrs. Smith?"

I raised my hand. "Yeah, I like the look of the explosions."

"Plus supposedly it's the film that made him and Jen break up. So Mattie, do you wanna see it?"

She shrugged noncommittally. "Sure."

"If we go to the six o'clock one then we can fit in an hour or so at _TK Maxx_®."

Dammit I thought she'd forgotten about that hellish place. I hated that shop, there was no order and everything was priced to the extremes. Who bought jeans for €160? What's the point? Jeans are jeans; nothing makes some more special than others.

"Hey, I meant to ask, who was that guy you were talking to in the Music Centre?"

I cringed. Damn Mattie and her annoying habit of noticing everything. "No one, so when's Bethan meeting us?"

"She'll text one of us when she's ready. So who was he?" Mari asked zeroing in on me.

"I don't know." I mumbled around the straw I'd stuck in my mouth. Without looking at them I slurped on my fanta and wrinkled my nose as the bubbles burst on my palate.

"Then why were you blushing?"

I spat out my straw and rounded on Mattie. "I was not!"

"Yeah you were." she told me earnestly.

"Well if I was it was because I was angry with him for sneaking up on me."

"He was hot." Mariah stated dreamily.

"How did you notice him when you were making goo-goo eyes at Rei?"

"I checked him out while I was looking at the posters. So, really, who is he? Does he go to your school? Is he in some of your classes? Do you have a crush on him?"

"Yes, Yes and No, I don't have a crush on him. Hello, still mourning Mystel."

"So you can appreciate a guy without betraying Mystel. Crying out loud, no one expects you to become celibate."

I flushed hotly and looked around at the various customers who were regarding us warily.

"Shut up!" I hissed. "Besides, that was Mr. Creepo."

Mariah's whole face brightened and I knew it was a bad idea to tell her that, even as it came from my mouth, I just knew I was making a mistake. Bugger! "That was Hiwatari Jr.?"

"Wow, Kai's cute."

"Shut up!" I slapped my hand against my forehead, then deciding I needed something stronger, I hit myself with my plastic golf stick. Pain exploded in the back of my skull. "Ouchies. Shit!" Shaking it off, I glared at them both. "Look I don't like him so you can't call him cute or anything. He's not even all that special looking when you see him next to people like Tala or Brooklyn."

My friends exchanged glances before Mariah turned to me and observed me pityingly through golden eyes. "You haven't denied something so vehemently since… well I can't remember."

"Oh wait, the time she scored Brooklyn's classic car."

"It was a toy and besides, no one could prove it was me."

"Except us, because we knew it was you and your denial only seemed to prove it more."

"Ok please explain how me telling people that I didn't do it told you that I did? See how that doesn't make sense? It's like someone saying they're gay when they're really straight."

"Or someone saying they're straight when they're really gay, it's a way to hide something. Make people believe one thing so they don't suspect the reality of the situation." Mattie replied.

"I hate you both, and believe me, that's not a secret code for I love you. I sincerely hate you."

"But, see, we know that's not true so that just backs up our argument."

I simply settled for gaping at them since I didn't have a good reply to that. Oh well at least they weren't talking about Kai no-

"So what were you and Kai talking about?" Mariah asked wiggling her pink brows.

So much for that thought. I growled and slumped in my chair. "He asked if I was working, I said no, that was it."

Haha! That stumped them. Mariah wrinkled her nose and her mouth curled in disappointment.

"Oh ok. So let's go then."

I scrunched up the wrapper for my burger and dumped it on the table before leading the way out of the fast food joint.

* * *

"Where is she?" I whined for the fifth time. I hate shopping, I really do. We spent the whole hour in that godforsaken shop with Mariah cooing at just about while Mattie showed some vague interest in getting something and I amused myself with an air bubble under the floor. I claimed it as my own even as Mariah tried to steal it from me. "Ooh!" I yelped as my phone vibrated. Plucking it from my back pocket, I answered it. "Yello?"

"**Hey Ams, how's it going**?"

"Hey Hero, what's up?"

"**Well I just got off work, was wondering where you were**."

"I'm at the cinema with Mariah and Mattie. I think we're going to the Astral tonight, can you please come?"

"**I don't like the Astral.**"

"You can torture Hitoshi; he always goes, come on Hero, please? Besides Mariah's only going so she can flirt shamelessly with Rei because she's a shameless hussy!"

"HEY!"

"**I dunno, I'm tired, I just want to stay home.**" She did sound tired and she'd been drained all week, just lacking the usual love for life she had.

"Is Mimi going out then? Or do you need me to come home and look after you?" Please say yes, please say yes, please say-

"**No you're alright. I'll rent out a few DVD's and just have a night in."**

"Are you sure? It'll be fun."

"**Wow, you actually sounded like you almost believe that. Is it raining there?**"

"Ugh, yeah I'm soaked. And I'm not dressed for going to an underage disco; I'm dressed for hiking around the town."

I heard her snicker. "**Poor you.**"

"You could put some sympathy into your tone." I grumbled pathetically. "_Please_?"

"**No!** **Besides, Tala will probably be there so you can annoy him.**"

"But if Tala's there then _he'll_ be there. Please come, if you come he'll be civil."

"**No he won't. Maybe if Miyami was there he might try or she'd beat him into being nice after all.**" I tuned her out as I imagined Miyami brutally beating Kai who was curled up like a boiled shrimp with his hands shielding his face… I chuckled. "**Are you listening?**"

"Uh sorry, no I was imaging Miyami beating up Kai, it was very funny he was curled up like a boiled shrimp and whimpering." I got a weird malicious thrill when Shahero chuckled at the image. "See, it's entertaining, right?"

"**Oh yeah seeing Miyami's half the size of him.**"

I snickered. "I know." I caught sight of a familiar figure dashing up the steps of the cinema trying to shield her face from the rain and I grinned. "Sorry Hero, gotta go, the films about to start. See you tonight."

"**Yeah bye.**"

I hung up and then turned to look at my very wonderful Bethan Hudson. Her smoky grey eyes lit up when she looked at me and her long legs, looking longer because she was wearing stilettos carried her to me quickly. Her slender arms wrapped around me and I breathed her in while I hugged her back. Sweet tempered Bethan had always been a rock in my life. She was my cousin's cousin and for some reason that forged a bond between us. We hadn't grown up together like me and Mariah, she hadn't been in Transition Year with me like Mattie but she had become one of the vital members of my company of friends. She was smart, friendly, warm and open with never a bad word to say about anyone. She was also the one with the model good looks and fashion sense to go with but she was always clothed modestly. Her honey blond hair was curled into long ringlets and her skin looked soft despite the makeup she'd applied. I never looked that good in makeup.

"Hey Honey, how're you? Wow you guys look great, did you buy much?"

"I bought Amber this."

I rolled my eyes at Mariah. She bought me a pair of jeans that seemed to have the Union Jack frayed into the back end of it, like I was going to sit on the Union Jack… I'd probably get up the street and get my ass kicked for being a Protestant never mind my Mum scolding me for wearing something that's bound to provoke a riot.

Bethan raised her brow at me; then smirked. "Let's get them on her."

"What?" I did not just hear Bethan say that? Did I do something to her? I must have. Why else would she want to see me hurt?

"Well I heard we're going out later and these jeans will be perfect, so much better than those ones."

"I like the jeans I have on."

"You've had them for years." Bethan's eyes narrowed hotly.

"Yes, but they don't look old, they're like timeless." I'm sure there are timeless clothes somewhere.

"Come on, Amber, let me dress you up!"

"Stay away from me!" I exclaimed frantically.

"Hey, guys? This film doesn't have guns in it, does it?"

I raised a brow at Mathilda's question. "Let's see, Brad's holding a gun in the poster. Angelina's holding a gun in the poster… Nah I doubt it Mattie."

Mariah just stared at our friend as though she were a bit gone in the head. "Mattie, what did you think Amber meant by she wanted to see the big explosions?"

Yeah what kind of explosions does Mattie know about? Mattie grimaced. "So it's an action."

"Action romance." Bethan corrected. "Brad gets his kit off, how can that be a bad thing?"

I wrinkled my nose. "I so don't see the appeal of Brad, no offence, I just don't know see why everyone goes gaga over him."

"He's blond, he's cute and he's got this whole cheeky boy appeal under an angelic appearance." Bethan explained as though it were obvious.

"Uh-huh." Ri-ight. I preferred George if I had to like an older actor, he had those deep brown eyes, I liked them. But still, I couldn't believe we were having this conversation in the lobby of the cinema. We had a good half hour before the film started but when we were planning to walk up the town to waste some time, the heavens opened and we were getting soaked through so the smart thing had been for us to just head over to the cinema to dry off and wait until the film started.

"So will you wear them?"

"Fine." I growled under my breath. Ha, I knew there was a reason I didn't miss them completely, they had the tendency to gang up on me and dressing me up like a doll. Did I ever happen to mention how undoll like I look? I scowled and folded my arms. "So what else am I supposed to wear and where am I supposed to be getting changed."

"Toilets of course. So did you guys buy me a ticket and when's Ems getting here?"

Sometimes being with my friends is like standing in front of a bulldozer inside a maze, you have no where to escape to so you just let it steam straight over you and hope that you survive the flattening. I dragged my feet as I followed them boredly into the toilets. This was not going to be fun.

* * *

This was fun! The film had been good, ended a bit abruptly for my liking but part of me was just expecting a different ending but now we were meandering up the main street which means we're going up hill. We probably looked seriously drunk because neither of us could walk straight and it was kind of hard since Mariah's arm was looped through mine and Bethans' and Bethan was pulling in a different direction to me so I was being jerked around as though I were on a damn leash.

Night had settled onto Letterkenny, it wasn't even properly dark but the bright lights of the clubs and takeaways made the dusky light look like a midnight curtain. If you looked straight up, the dome of the sky looked depthless, as though if you looked hard enough you'd never quite see the centre.

"Are we meeting Ems outside the club?"

"No we'll find her inside with Max."

I rubbed my hands together. "Yay, Maxy."

"Leave him alone." Mariah ordered.

"I love Maxy."

"Right now with two bottles of Fanta in you, you love everyone."

"Not Hiwatari." I growled darkly.

"You're becoming obsessed with him; mention his name one more time and I'm posting a note on the school website that you're in love with him."

"Bite me!" I snapped aggravated. "I am not obsessed with him, I only said it because if I'd agreed with your statement you would have said something like, 'I loved him too'; so either way I'm screwed. I love Mystel."

Mariah sucked in a breath before releasing it on a muttered curse. "Dammit I know that, Christ we all do. We're only messing with you and besides you can find other guys cute too, it just means that blood flows through your veins."

Bethan detangled herself from Mariah and Mattie and then positioned herself between me and my best friend. "OK if you two are just going to start fighting then I'm going to stand between you."

I sighed and leaned my head against her shoulder. I was feeling weird and fuzzy, had I actually ingested some sort of alcohol I'd have labelled myself tipsy, but I hadn't so I didn't know what was wrong with me. I was feeling slightly mellow but I could kick off at any minute. I'd changed into the jeans and I had a off the shoulders bronze top that Bethan had produced from somewhere. I felt weird with no straps because I didn't have breasts to hold up the top, or not big ones anyways and Bethan was definitely more developed than I was. Or maybe it was a mind set. I looked down and then wrinkled my nose, great now I'm checking myself out.

Mystel are you, like, merging with me? This was the only reason I was coming up with for the weird things I was feeling and doing. I mean I was feeling almost maternal towards Brooklyn recently and I seemed to dislike Kai for no real reason except that I was finding myself defensive around him, almost like an alpha male meeting another alpha male… hmm, I'm being possessed by my dead boyfriend. I wonder what Doctor Phil would say about this? It's a little out of his league.

I slumped as I noticed the line into the Astral approaching. As we joined it I felt Bethan stiffen and she murmured something to Mariah who immediately detangled herself from our chain. I frowned.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked Bethan.

"Just some girls we had trouble with a couple of weeks ago."

"Who?" I leaned up on my tiptoes and was pushed back down.

"Don't bring attention to us. We don't want to get into a fight with her again."

I rolled my eyes. I had nothing to do with their fights; if they went out, got drunk and made eejits of themselves it wasn't my problem. Though to be fair they rarely got in fights but some girls just didn't like Mariah because she was Chinese and because she was pretty, pathetic what some Chavs would fight over. I was just looking around when I caught sight of a familiar platinum blond head.

"Turtle!" I slipped away from Bethan and made my way over to him. "Hey!"

I grinned as Enrique looked up and a smile spilled over his features. "Amber, hey! What are you doing here?"

"My friends dragged me here. Didn't have enough money for a Taxi home to wangle out of it. What about you?"

He pouted. "I told you, I play here on the underage night."

"Right you're a DJ!"

"Yes and you never came to see me before. I feel hurt." I looked down sheepishly and his arm looped over my shoulders. "So where are your friends?"

Flicking a glance over my shoulder. "Bright pink hair, light pink hair and the tall blonde, can't miss them." His eyes raked over them and I hit them. "You can't miss them but you can't drool over them either, such a letch!"

"I resent that, and I was going to get you in with me."

"Really? Aw Turtle I love you."

"Well I'm rethinking it after your display of violence."

"I'm not violent Enrique; I'm just protective of my female buddies because they might not be able to resist your charms." I flashed a grin at him and he succumbed to my charms.

"Fine get them."

"Love you Turtle."

"Yeah funny all girls seem to say that as they're walking away from me."

I laughed at his forlorn tone and waved back to him. I snagged Mariah's arm and jerked her back towards Enrique.

"Ah-Ah-Ah! Where the hell are you yanking me to?"

"Turtle's going to get us in. No standing in line, no looking over your shoulder for unruly bitches, life is good." I caught her steady look and frowned. "What?"

She simply smiled and shook her head. "Nothing."

"Hey Turtle; I'm back with Mariah, Mathilda and Bethan." I pointed them out to him and watched as he ducked inside the door of the taxi he was standing beside. He pulled out a few boxes and handed them to us.

"Nice to meet you girls, you must be the most beaut-" he broke off as I glared at him, and he smiled sheepishly. "Here, just carry these in and I'll get you in."

"Ah, I should have known there'd be a catch."

"Quit your whining bitch."

"Call me a bitch again Turtle and I'm castrating you."

"Violence Ams, is not the answer."

"For her it is." My three friends chimed in together in matter of fact tones.

"Excuse me I haven't been violent in… years." I called back to them as we trooped in after Enrique. It was odd to see both Bethan and Mariah greet the door man by his first name but I guess because they come here so often, they'd be on first name terms with him.

The blast of heat from the club and the pounding music hit me like a physical force. Strobe lights of red and white and green flashed over the dance floor as we descended the steps, pushing past people who were mingling there sipping their soft drinks. My eyes roamed over the crowds dancing and grinding on the dance floor, throwing their arms into the air and looking possessed.

After dumping the boxes at the DJ booth, we said goodbye to Enrique, Mariah gave him a peck on the lips as a thank you -told you she was an incorrigible flirt- we weaved our way into the crowd, holding hands so we didn't get lost.

"Where are we heading?" Mattie asked leaning close to my ear.

I shook my head. I was as clueless as she was. "Just following them." I looked around me, recognizing lots of people from school which wasn't really that odd since there really wasn't that many places for young adults to hang out in Donegal, everyone sort of filtered to Letterkenny for the weekend or some had their own haunts like under bridges or in the local pub. We'd always used the local pub since it was usually quiet and you could just talk without having to worry about anyone trying to start a fight. As I was scanning the crowd, I spotted a familiar face.

"Mattie!" I called out over the noise they liked to call music; I think they needed to get an education in what music is.

"What?"

"I-" I pointed in the general direction I was going then pointed to myself. "Be back in a while."

She nodded to show she understood and I brought her hand to Mariah's before I broke off into the crowd, heading to the stairs that led to the second floor. A hand snuck into mine and I snapped my head round to be greeted with Mariah's tawny gaze.

"What?" I demanded.

"Where are you going?"

"To see a friend!"

I pushed past a group of people leading Mariah behind me so I didn't lose her in the crowd. A hand clasped my shoulder and looking up I saw Ruin. "Hey!"

"Hey." she looked me over and nodded. "Didn't think this was your scene." she spoke into my ear, leaning so close I could smell her perfume… no it wasn't perfume, it didn't have the chemical scent all perfumes hold, she just smelled of Dewberry, a body lotion I decided. I didn't feel at all weird being this close to her and it was strange because I valued personal space even with my friends at times but me and Ruin had barely spoken much since I'd first found out she was dating Brook. She was wearing a maroon corset she was pretty much spilling out of under a black leather jacket and black skirt and boots. Ruin always looked stunning but tonight, well the night became her.

"No not usually."

"Well, have fun."

"You're not staying?"

"Going to get a drink!" she replied before moving away.

I turned to see if Mariah was still there and frowned at her expression. "What?"

She leaned in to me, her arm latching around mine. "She's hot!"

I did a double take, was this my straight friend Mariah calling another girl hot? "Are you turning into a lessy?"

"No!" a faint blush lit up her cheeks and I grinned as she sulkily turned away from me. "Hey!" she shouted, pulling me over a few steps. "There's your friend!"

"Who?" I peeked over the railing and snarled as I spotted Kai standing with Tala. Both made a picture, Tala wearing a blue shirt and Kai a black one that had a few buttons open showing a swathe of pale skin. His hair was in its usual mussed state while Tala's strands were perfectly in place. They stood with their back to the wall, holding a bottle or something or other and looking out at the crowd. A second later, a black haired teen joined them and I grinned, nudging Mariah. "There's your friend!"

She poked me and I yelped. I didn't think I made too high of a sound but I must have because at that moment, Kai lifted in head and his gaze fell on us two struggling half way up the stairs like a pair of three year olds. The mental image of how must have looked made me snicker and cover my mouth as I pretended I hadn't been looking in his direction.

"Hey there's a guy waving at you. And he's really cute."

I looked down then beamed and waved at Tala. "That's Tala!"

"That's Tala? Oh my god, I have to tell Bethan that you know Tala."

"Why?"

"Because, we come here just to look at him!" Yeah I could see them doing that. "And you know him, god I hate you."

"I'll introduce you later."

"He's so gorgeous."

I shrugged as I pushed my way to the top of the stairs. He was gorgeous sure but he was just Tala to me. He was like Mystel before we had that kiss, he was unisexual now. I weaved my way through the people sure I caught sight of Mimi at one stage but I lost her when I blinked.

I reached the booths along the wall and collapsed onto one, half landing on the occupant. "Hey you look as bad I feel."

"You must be in a good mood," came the smooth reply.

I grinned. I really seemed to be actually liking Brooklyn which scared me because I'd spent a whole half a lifetime disliking him but it was so energetic keeping that dislike up. He looked good though, I'd been worried about him while he was going to college but he seemed to be eating well, his skin was still so bloody white with the thick mop of orange hair and those green eyes. He looked great. I grinned as Mariah lunged at him, hugging him tightly.

And while she jabbered on to him, I turned to the other occupant. "Hey Hitoshi!"

"Amber," came the curt reply as he looked around.

"Hero's not here. Sorry to disappoint."

He simply shrugged and sipped his bottle of beer. Since he was over age and had id, he was able to have a drink. Though it didn't make sense for him to be here at the underage club instead of at the Siren. The Siren was like the big nightclub in Letterkenny, it was usually overflowing with people on Saturday nights but you had to be over eighteen to get in or walk in like you own the place, that's how me and Mari got in last time, poor Bethan who is eighteen had show her passport as ID, it was too funny.

Mariah yelped and dug out her small silver mobile. Mumbling to herself, she began to tap words randomly while I gazed out at all the people.

"It's busy tonight." Brooklyn spoke, pitching his voice over the wild pounding music.

"Isn't it usually?" I asked confused.

Brooklyn shook his head while Hitoshi answered our unspoken question of why. "The security has tightened up in the Siren, no under-aged people are getting in due to the garda being on the alert."

"So, then, why aren't you two in the Siren?"

"Brooklyn's banned for a year."

Mariah blinked surprised. "Really? Why?"

Brooklyn shook his head but I knew. Why else would sweet little Brooklyn get banned from a nightclub unless he'd down something like start a fight though right now I was feeling pretty ok about Brooklyn beating the crap out of Kai. Unfortunately I didn't think Brooklyn had done much of the ass kicking, part of me knew it would have been equal on both sides. Still I don't condone fighting.

"Hey is that Michael?" I demanded catching sight of a familiar figure weaving his way up the stairs. The height was right, the figure was right but the hair wasn't. My Michael had plum coloured hair and this guy had an odd golden blond hair.

Mariah shifted in her seat to get a better look and nodded. "Yeah."

"What's with the hair?"

"He dyed it blond."

What is with guys and going blond? In fact why did everyone turn blond? I was about to get up and go greet him when I noticed Bethan appear by his side with a drink and judging by the goofy looks exchanged between them, I decided I didn't want to look like a third wheel. When I had Mystel I never had to worry about that because where I went, he went and vice versa. I was never alone anywhere because I always had him there for me, looking out for me, caring for me. I missed that security and that feeling of belonging to someone.

With a sigh, I curled up on the booth and settled down to watch the mating process of hormonal teens.

* * *

An hour later I was grinding to the music, amused by some jerk who was trying to slide his body against Mariah's only to back off when she hissed at him. Mariah can be one scary woman when she wants to be, makes me glad she's on my side. The boy shuffled off into the crowd, melting into the lights and weaving bodies while I lost myself in the pounding music. That god Enrique was smart enough not to play trance or techno, all he was playing were the usual chart hits only edited to include a thumping sound in the background. How DJ's can call themselves artists and make money this way, I'll never know. After all, did they come up with the lyrics? No. Did they come up with the melody? No. So what did they do? They just put a pounding rhythm in the background and got money for it. What a crock!

But still I was out here on the dance floor, being twirled around by Bethan while Mattie and Mariah finished off our little circle. I was so into keeping my mind on what my feet were doing so that Bethan didn't look like she was yanking me about the floor that I didn't even sense anyone come up behind me but the fingers digging into my sides caused me to jerk and squeak before I whipped round to find Ming-Ming grinning at me.

"Hey!"

I waved back at her and motioned to Bethan that I was going to go with Ming-Ming. She led me off to the alcove where the bar was situated. The music was blocked out somehow, for with the better lighting the air was clearer, cool enough to raise goosebumps on my arms and I could hear myself think. I almost wanted to rejoice and celebrate; instead I followed Miyami to a secluded corner.

"I didn't think you'd be here." her soft wavy aqua coloured hair bounced with a natural spring with each movement of her head.

"I'm not here voluntarily." I grumbled.

"Can I get you girls something?"

We looked to the guy behind the counter, I didn't really feel like calling him a bartender when this really wasn't an alcohol serving bar which kind of took away from the bar theme. "I'll have a white lemonade, what about you Amber?"

"A bitter lemon, thanks." he wandered away and we turned back to each other. "So are you having fun?"

"Kai's wearing a black shirt and he looks hot, of course I'm having fun."

"You know, instead of just drooling over him; you could try asking him out."

"I'm working myself up to do that." I raised a brow. She didn't strike me as the self conscious type. "It's kind of difficult when he's surrounded by girls who don't like me."

"Who doesn't like you?" I asked, offering a small thanks to the guy behind the counter when he placed a clean glass and my bottle of bitter lemon in front of me. Handing over a €10 note, I turned back to Ming-Ming.

She smiled softly, stirring her drink contemplatively. "Oh, it's not that they dislike me but well, we travel in different circles."

"So, if Kai likes you, Kai likes you."

"True."

"And you're cute and pretty and friendly and he'd definitely say yes if you ask him."

"Yeah but, I think I have to move slow with him." she flashed a grin, a hint of the Ming-Ming I know peeking through. "I don't want to scare him off, now do I?"

"Indeed you don't. So have you got that History assignment done yet?" I sipped my bitter lemon and licked the tangy juice off my lips.

"No but at least this week we start something other than Home Rule. It was beginning to bore me to tears."

"You're not the only one." I snickered. "Remember how Ian fell asleep?"

"Yeah while sitting right next to Shallow, it was too funny. He's so annoying."

"Who, Ian?"

"Yes, don't you think so?"

"Yeah, he's a pain in the ass."

"Who is?"

I snapped my head round and winced at the sharp pain. Whiplash hurt. "Ouch. Hey Tala."

Turquoise eyes appraised me. "Benz, you look great. So how come you're in here and not out on the dance floor?" he asked sitting down beside me.

"I have an X on my ass, I really don't want to be used as target practice. It's safer to sit."

"Target Practice?"

I sighed and sipped my drink. "Do you know how many guys have pinched my ass tonight? It's going to be black and blue tomorrow."

He smiled and placed an arm around my shoulders drawing me close. "Oh poor you."

I mocked sniffled. "It was horrible, I feel dirty."

He chuckled. "So what did you do today?"

"I was involved in mass torture."

"Oh?"

"Shopping." I answered his unvoiced query.

"What did you buy? Anything interesting?"

"Why do I think your mind has become perverted for?" when he smiled blandly, I rolled my eyes. "I got a few CD's."

"What kind?"

"The audio kind." I smirked when he rolled his eyes. "Oh some bands like My Chemical Romance and Rise Against."

"Any good?"

"I can lend it to you when I've exhausted it."

He chuckled and lifted my drink, gulping it back so that I could see the rhythmic movement of his Adams apple. I grinned as he put the glass down and his face screwed up. "What the hell is that?"

I cackled at his expression. "You look a prune!"

"What is it? My tongue feels like it's been molested." he made a face, sticking out his tongue and withdrawing it.

"Bitter Lemon."

"They got the bitter part right."

"Well you're not really supposed to gulp it down." I pinched my nose to prevent myself from snickering out loud; then realizing Ming-Ming had been unusually quiet during the conversation, I turned to look at her. I was about to apologize for ignoring her when I noticed she wasn't paying us the slightest bit of attention. Oh no, instead her gaze was fixed on someone at the other side of the bar. Even though I knew deep down who it was, I followed her gaze and rolled my eyes. Kai. He was drinking some sort of drink, just sipping it while gazing into space as though unaware of the others in the room.

Turning back to my friend, I couldn't help but wonder could she be anymore obvious? I mean Ming-Ming could have her pick of guys but here she was gazing adoringly at Kai, it was just the slightest bit pathetic. How did the female species let themselves be so degraded? Especially over jerks who didn't give much of a damn about their feelings.

I cast Tala a glance when he snickered and I sighed. "What?"

"Nothing. How's it goin' Ming-Ming?"

Catching the sly glint in his eye, I punched his leg viciously causing him to wince through a laugh. Ming-Ming missed the whole thing or just was too out of it to notice, instead she turned to Tala and smiled brightly.

"Yeah, I'm really good."

Was there something wrong with her hearing? Why was she pitching her voice? Tala was just on the other side of me, there was no need for her to speak louder.

"That's good to hear. Hey Kai, why don't you come join us? We can have a girl each?" At the cheeky grin he shot his friend, I smothered a chuckle and pretended not to see the flash of annoyance that crossed the two toned bluenette's face.

"Yeah Kai, you look lonely over there." Ming-Ming coaxed which just made Tala bury his face in my shoulder as he quivered with suppressed laughter. I grinned into my drink before adding fuel to the flames.

"Yeah Kai, come over and keep Ming-Ming company- OW!" I yelped and squirmed closer to Tala since Ming-Ming jammed me with her bony little elbow. "Put a bloody elbow pad on woman, that there has to be a safety hazard." I mumbled the last side comment to Tala who just snickered. "And it's your fault. C'mon, swap seats." I slid off my stool and motioned for Tala to slide over so I could take his seat.

"Kai stop acting like a loner and get your ass over here." Tala suddenly growled irritated.

I bit my finger to prevent laughing out loud because the tips of Kai's ears were red and his eyes were darkening with temper yet Tala didn't care and Ming-Ming just didn't notice. I hadn't helped annoy someone in ages, it felt good. I jolted out of my skin when my phone buzzed in my pocket. Tugging it out and turning from my friends, I pressed the call answer button noting it was Mariah. "What?"

"Where are you?" I barely made out the words because of the thumping music.

"I'm getting a drink in the alcove!"

"Ok!" the phone went dead and I shoved it back into my pocket only to realize I was now surrounded on both sides. Flicking a glance to my right, since Tala was sitting on my left, I barely managed to stifle a groan. Kai sat beside me staring surly into his drink as though it was the most important thing in the world.

"What are you doing?" I finally decided that I should try to talk to the guy because otherwise I'd just be being rude and Tala and Ming-Ming were engaged in conversation. And maybe by talking to him I would realize that he wasn't so creepy. "Are you scrying?" I teased because it was the only thing I could think of that you gazed into liquid for.

He looked up from his drink to give me a bored look that told me he hadn't a clue what I was talking about. With a long suffering sigh, I shook my head dismissively and turning from him, I gazed down at the floor without seeing it. Yeah, he was still creepy.

In the distance I could hear a song that wasn't a dance song or a pop song and I grinned. At least Enrique had good taste. It was _The Ghost of you_ by My Chemical Romance and all the couples were dancing slowly to it, not your average slow song but it appealed to me. "You are never coming home, never coming home. Could I? Should I? And all those things that you never ever told me, and all those smiles that are ever gonna haunt me. Never coming home, never coming home, could I? Should I? And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me, for all those ghosts that are never gonna catch me…"

A vaguely familiar voice caught my attention and I tuned my attention back into my surroundings. Oliver stood by the bar talking to a red haired girl I recognized from school but never talked to. She wasn't in my year but I think she knew Kirby.

"Amber Benson are you in here?"

"Yes Mariah." I called back resignedly. When would they realize that humiliating me in front of loads of people wasn't a good thing?

I leaned back in my chair to see her better. She walked over to me with her usual confident stride, a slight hitch broke the smooth rhythm when her eyes fell on who was beside me but it wasn't obvious. A smile played on her lips and I wanted to whimper.

"Hello everyone!" she chirped cheerfully. "How are you all doing?"

"Hey Mariah." Ming-Ming greeted while Tala looked my friend over.

"Tala this is my best friend Mariah, Mari that's Tala."

"Ah, so you're the illustrious Mariah?" he seemed pleasantly surprised but I wasn't too sure about the charm dripping off the words. Note to self, warn Tala off Mariah.

"And you're Tala. Nice to finally put a face to the name she constantly talks about."

"I do not constantly talk about him."

"I think she may have a slight crush on you." Mariah confided in a stage whisper and I really wanted to just bang my head off the counter.

"I know." Tala whispered back, cupping his mouth and adding a note of sympathy to his tone. "I've been trying to gently push her away but I don't think she understands."

Mariah nodded pityingly and patted his shoulder, casting me a look from mirth filled eyes. "No she's a bit thick that way."

I tucked my tongue into my cheek and looked up at the ceiling. "Some one just shoot me." then I turned to dumb and dumbette. "You two are a real riot. You should honestly think of becoming a double act but I think using me as the butt of every one of your jokes will become tedious."

"No it'll be our trademark. And a challenge, how many ways can we make fun of Amber."

"Fine you do that and I'll come up with many different ways to skin you alive." I bared my teeth and Mariah exchanged a glance with Tala.

"She's getting cranky, I think she needs a nap."

Screw it. I began to bang my head lightly off the counter while the others began to chuckle. With a groan, I lifted my head and noted with faint surprise that Kai seemed to be smirking, his lips were curved vaguely and his eyes had a crinkle around him but since he didn't look up from the counter, I couldn't be sure. It was as though he didn't want anyone to see him show some sort of emotion, heaven forbid.

"Alright, I'm going somewhere where people appreciate me." I shoved away from the counter and strode out of the alcove calling out to Oliver as I passed. "Hey Oliver."

"Hello Amber, how're you?"

"Fan-bleedin'-tastic, you?"

"Same," was his amused reply as I walked out into the darkness. It took a while for my eyes to adjust to the sudden shift from bright light to pitch dark and the sweep of the strobe lights didn't help. Everything was distorted due to the spasmic flicker of a white strobe making everyone look as though they were in slow motion.

I crossed to the railing bordering the dance floor and looked round. I spy with my little eye… Aspin heading to the bathroom. I spy with my little eye Tyson and some friend of Tyson's. I spy with my little eye… WOAH! I blinked my eyes as though I wasn't seeing things right then I dug out my phone and tapped in a message for Shahero: I spy with my little eye… Miyami and Johnny making out!

After sending it, I continued to look around but my gaze kept being yanked back to my friend and the red haired Scot. It was like watching a train wreck, you didn't want to look but you couldn't drag your eyes away. But it was definitely Miyami and she was definitely in a hot lip lock with the Highlander. Ha! So that's the red head. Sherlock Amber strikes again!

A buzz indicated Shahero had replied to my text. **'Seriously?'**

I looked again. 'Well they seem pretty serious since Johnny's hand's up her SKIRT!' Well it wasn't quite up it but his fingertips weren't visible. I grinned wickedly and tried to ignore the weird pang in my chest. If I concentrated I could… I shook my head and turned my attention away from the couple. I'd tease Miyami at school.

Some part of me had thought Arista might be here but she wasn't. I wondered if she avoided the places Brooklyn hung out now or how did they interact when they met. In such a small town you were bound to run into each other at least once. I mean check out how many people I had seen just today but I hadn't seen Arista. Oh well, it was for the best.

I spotted Ruin talking heatedly to some girl with a curly bob of black hair and a snobbish expression. Garland was hovering behind her while a white haired boy was behind the other girl. And I mean seriously white hair, like dove white or Daz white. Whatever Ruin had said, the girl stormed off to her clique with the guy following her and saying something into her ear. She passed Bethan and Bethan stumbled. If it wasn't for Michael steadying her, she probably would have fallen. I stood up a little straighter, had that bitch elbowed Bethan on purpose? Judging by the flash of anger on Bethan's face, I'd say she had.

"Your friend Oliver's gay!" Mariah shouted in my ear.

"Yeah." I agreed. I had figured that out myself but I had wanted someone else's opinion since Oliver was still hiding in the closet.

The night was winding down and my feet were beginning to throb dully, just the balls of my feet and my heel. I shifted my stance and sighed, blowing my bangs out of my eyes. A hand landed on my shoulder and I looked over it curiously to find Hitoshi standing there.

"I'm going home, want a lift?"

I blinked at him owlishly, before nodding. Since he lived close by it would be handy but glancing at my watch I realized it was just after twelve. Why was Hitoshi heading home so early? I shrugged off my thoughts and turning to Mariah. "I'm going home."

She nodded. "Will you be ok?"

"Sure. He's my next door neighbour."

She assessed Hitoshi and then nodded reluctantly. Hitoshi didn't exactly look respectable, or he shouldn't have with the long blue hair and the devilishly sinful face but there was an aura of responsibility around him. He was someone you could look up to… when he wasn't fighting with Shahero that was. I still didn't know why they did that.

"I'm just going to get Tyson." he yelled over the music.

I acknowledged that. "Meet you at the door."

He nodded and disappeared into the crowd while I headed back into the alcove. Tala and Kai were talking quietly where we left them only Tala had moved back onto his original seat.

"Hey Tala, I'll see you on Monday."

He looked up startled. "You heading home?"

I nodded. "Hitoshi's going home so I'll catch a lift with him, save a cab fee and possibly my life." Bethan's a scary driver.

"Ok then, if I'm around tomorrow I'll give you a call."

"Sure call up to the house or something, I've got nothing planned."

"Right, see ya."

"Night. Night Kai." I added as an afterthought. See I'm being pleasant and Kai looked surprised. Hey, look an emotion. Must pat myself on the back.

"Yeah bye."

I headed back out into the music and lights, pushing past people as I headed for the door, catching sight of Mariah leading Bethan and Mattie towards us. As we entered the small hall where the coat closet was, we caught sight of Ruin and Brooklyn engaged in a kiss. Rolling my eyes at Mariah, she grinned and walked up behind Brooklyn, screwing her middle knuckle into the small of his back. He winced and arced away from her offending digit, dislodging his mouth from Ruin's. He looked at the four of us and sighed.

"I suppose that was you Benson."

"Why do you always blame me and why do you always call them by their first name and me, Benson?"

"Because I don't like you." he answered mildly.

I offered him my middle finger and turned to my friends. "Bye guys, hopefully we'll meet up soon."

"You're going to the dance, aren't you?" Bethan queried in a low voice and when I nodded she added. "Well we'll see you then. Did you have fun?"

"Yeah I really enjoyed today."

"Good." she wrapped her arms around me. "Oh what about the stuff you left in my car? Your CD's and stuff?"

"Oh they're in Mariah's handbag."

Mariah came over with her handbag and handed over my stuff. "What about your clothes?"

"Meh, I'll get them again. It's not like I need them."

"OK then, well be careful ok?" Mattie asked as she hugged me tightly.

I hugged Mariah last. "Phone me, ok? And put in a good word for me to Rei."

I rolled my eyes but grinned. "Ok then. I'll chat to you on line, k?"

"Well it would help if you were on at nights."

"I am on. It's just sometimes I get involved in stuff."

"Like?"

"Rematches against Shahero. I'm determined to beat her."

"Come on Amber."

I stuck my tongue out at Hitoshi and hugged Mariah again. Wishing it wouldn't be so long before I saw her again. I hated being separated from my friends for so long, they were a part of me, the family I chose or who'd chosen me.

I sucked in a breath. "Bye." With a watery smile, I walked out into the cold night air. I followed Hitoshi down the street to where he'd parked the car and listened to Tyson's bubbly chatter about some classmate he knew. I noticed the boys walking up the street but didn't pay them much attention even though they were being really loud and staggering slightly, it wasn't anything new. They were probably heading to another club after theirs had closed up. But all the same, some part of my subconscious took note of them, was warily watching them which was why when the bottle came sailing in my direction, I had the sense to jump back from it as it smashed against the pavement. My heart thudded in my chest, pounding hard becoming a physical pain as I glanced down at the smashed glass shards that were lying on the pavement. I didn't even hear the jeers or the other words they'd yelled but I did catch the green and white striped shirt and my blood chilled.

"Amber?"

I snapped my attention to Tyson who was now at my side, eyes frantic on my face. I breathed in fast and sharp, not seeming to get enough oxygen into my lungs.

"Yeah?"

"Amber, are you ok?" Hitoshi demanded, shooting a dark glare over at the boys across the street.

"Yes, I'm fine. Could we, please, just get in the car, please?" my voice sounded distant and far away and all I wanted to do was get in the car desperately.

With a nod, Hitoshi guided me into the car and I jerked the seatbelt over me with a sigh feeling somewhat safe now. What jerks. It wasn't anything new but it still continued to surprise me when things like that happened but at the same time there was a flutter of excitement. I couldn't believe they'd just done that. Why had they? Then again, jerks were jerks. A sigh escaped my lips as Hitoshi put the car into gear and we eased away from the curb. What an ending to such an odd day.

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**Well that was an interesting one. Some Kai in that one, more in the next one, I promise. Some Mysty/Amber action. And an insight into the friendship of Mariah and Mattie and Amber. **

**Harry Potter's out next week! WAI! Okies please review. **


	7. Memories Hurt

**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Beyblade. I do however own Amber, Jean and James. The plot is mine. Kirby belongs to Kindred Insanity._

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Taken forGranted

By: Zadien_  
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Memories Hurt

I rapped sharply on the door and sighed heavily, tucking my thumbs in the back pockets of my faded jeans. Bracing my feet apart, I leaned back to look up at the house that towered over me, warm and welcoming despite the fact that it was incredibly large, though not mansion sized. It was expensive looking, not… how could I describe it? It was tasteful, it wasn't screaming money but it was spacious and welcoming and just showed that it was rich. The walls were grey, smoothed down grey plaster with brown window boxes with green trailing foliage and purple and pink flowers mingling with white ones. Most of the flowers were dying off but it was still a pretty image. The white PVC windows gleamed against the murky grey, yet the house looked cheerful and dignified.

I shifted the weight off my left foot which was beginning to throb dully. The scuffed work boots I was wearing weren't helping as they continued to rub against my bruised shin and the fact that I was putting weight on it continuously wasn't doing anything good for it either. Scowling, I knocked again, hard enough to make my knuckles sting. In the distance, a horse whinnied pitifully, probably bored out of its mind. Most of the horses were out in the paddock, awaiting their time to be stabled but they couldn't be stabled until the feeding bags were filled for them but I wasn't in charge of feeding them today, I was working in the office, which was why I was standing outside the Hiwatari house.

Nicolai was away seeing a mare that would be good for beginner riders to learn on. Supposedly she was docile, easy going and particularly fond of young children. Jean was in the midst of redecorating the office and so she'd sent me up to work in the house office. Not my favourite place to work, but hey, it would get me away from the heat for a while. His lordshit got off the bus with me and Raul and then proceeded directly to the house, leaving the rest of us humble servants to work our way through the rota for today. I was on office duty. The others were on stable duty, which meant they had to clean out the stables and exercise the horses. Then they'd have to rake over the paddocks and make sure they were ready for the 10 o'clock lessons tomorrow morning.

Unfortunately Hiwatari Jr. was seriously screwing up my plans. So I was pretty damn pissed when I stood outside of the Hiwatari home and knocked for the THIRD time. I snarled and shoved my hand into my back pocket, wincing when a rag nail caught on a thread. "Ouch." I muttered through clenched teeth.

"_Jesus, you look like a pissed farmer girl."_

I rolled my eyes at Mystel's jovial comment. I supposed I did look like a pissed off farmer, but I disliked the term girl, it just gave off connotations of innocence and youth and right now, I didn't feel innocent or very youthful. The back of my red t-shirt was clinging to my spine under my army green shirt and my hair felt limp and lacking its usual lustre, if it even had any lustre. The air was muggy and thick, moisture clung to the heated air molecules and coated my lungs in a way that made me feel sluggish and out of sorts. The clouds were stacked and pressed down on the earth, they were so dense I felt as though I could reach up and trail my hand through their cotton like texture.

"Would he hurry up and answer the fucking door." I growled out, clenching my jaw and tapping my uninjured foot.

"_Maybe I should… give him a little fright into action."_

"Maybe you should…not! Hiwatari's a fucked up piece of shit as it is, I don't need you adding to it."

"_Wonder why he's always so frustrated?"_

"I don't really care." I really was at the end of my leash as far as my temper was concerned. There was his lordship up in his manner doing probably nothing more than primping and preening while we worked our asses off in this sweltering atmosphere. I really wanted to slam my fist into his face. I couldn't really understand why I was feeling so violent, I just was having a bad day and having to come up and deal with little mister unsociable was just the final straw. I was just in a really bad mood.

The door opened, finally, and Hiwatari appeared in the doorway in a shirt that wasn't buttoned (oh my god, that boys stomach cannot be real!) and a pair of baggy sweat pants with no shoes or socks. I rolled my eyes; then stuck my tongue out at his back as he turned away from the door on seeing that it was only me.

"Want something?"

"Oh just to see your lovely face, the one thing that gets me through the day."

He looked over his shoulder and the look he sent me could probably freeze the warmest of souls. Luckily the heat flooding through my veins from the simmering temper was keeping the ice cold at bay. He entered the kitchen and leaned against the counter, looking casually relaxed in the homey kitchen. I really liked hanging out here when it was just Jean and me, and sometimes I would come up here to bug Nicolai when it was almost time for me to go home. Usually he took me home when I worked late and sometimes Hiroshi called up for me if Nicolai was away. On Saturdays, when I worked the whole day, I would be served dinner up here. Despite Jean's professional aura and glamorous looks, she makes a mean home cooked meal. Her Roast beef is divine and her home made onion gravy to die for. So I had been in the kitchen quite a lot, but I always felt less comfortable when Kai was here. He just put me on edge.

"_Arrogant, isn't he?"_

"Hm?" I asked looking at Mystel then I shook my head, remembering that Kai was still in the room so I pretended to be looking out the window.

"_Hiwatari, flaunting himself."_

I frowned casting the prince of perfection a glance and raised my eyes to heaven praying for some sort of strength. Hiwatari seemed to have caught the flaps of his open shirt behind his braced arms so that his _much_ toned stomach was in plain view.

"Do you usually walk around like that?" I asked boredly, my cheeks felt warm but I didn't have to worry about the blush being too obvious, the advantages of having golden skin. Gracias Mama!

He looked down, suddenly realizing what he was showing off, and with a hiss, quickly drew his shirt closed, his fingers deftly moving up and closing the buttons. He had nice fingers and they moved quickly and efficiently.

I shifted, suddenly uncomfortable with where my thoughts were going.

"I was having a shower before you barged in." Kai grumbled out.

"I did not barge in."

"_Damn right, she didn't barge in. She knocked. Three times!"_

I gave Mystel's comment a brusque nod. "I knocked three times."

"I told you, I was in the shower."

I noted the fact that his hair was damp and more disarrayed than it usually was. "So, I told you I knocked three times. I didn't barge in, that's all I'm saying." I snapped, placing a hand on my hip and trying not to ignore the odd sight I must make.

"So what do you want?"

"Civil words? A cheerful smile? A knife?" I offered with a winsome smile, it quirked and deepened as I heard Mystel's snicker.

Hiwatari's expression became bland; the usual arrogant expression he sported was tinted with disdain. "Well if you want me, I'll be up in my room."

I scowled and shook my head. "That's never going to happen."

"Why are you up here for?"

I rolled my eyes as he didn't even wait for an answer, just skulked back upstairs. "I'm up here to get the key for the home office, unlike some people I have to work!" I shouted up the stair well he'd disappeared up. _Can you believe this guy?_

"_He's a guy who has a serious attitude problem. Probably needs to get laid or-"_

I shot Mystel a dark look. Men's answers to life's problems: go out and get laid. I rested back against the counter and blew my bangs off my damp forehead. Prickles of heat were drifting over my cheeks and I felt unbearably uncomfortable. Kai still hadn't replied. Instead I opened the cupboard and pulled out a glass, filling it with water from the jug and gulping it down. _Do you honestly believe that if he 'got laid' as you put it, he'd be happier?_

"_Well it's a great stress reliever."_

_So's a massage, doesn't mean I need one every time I get ticked off._

"_Believe me I know that."_

_Look, you know that was an accident. I didn't intentionally set out to break your finger._ I grumbled in my mind. Which doesn't seem any less weird but it gets easier, I've started forgetting what I'm projecting and what I'm not, since it's more natural to do both.

"_Yeah well that's the last time I'll ever attempt to give you a shoulder massage."_

I winced at how true that sentence was. He wouldn't ever attempt to give me a massage again. I turned away from where I felt his presence was and looked out the window at the grey blanket of clouds that seemed to stretch out forever with just a thin line of orange where the horizon began, separating the violet and stone blue hills and mountains from the grey sky. In the hazy light, the lines seemed to blur and defining the lines became difficult. A flash of light caught my eye. "Hey Mystel-" Shit that was loud.

"Benson?"

I jerked violently and whirled around, hand on my heart to find myself staring at Kai. Mystel was suppressing a smirk, I could feel in him the corner of my mind and I wanted to throttle both of them. A fiery blush spread over my cheeks. "Uh, sorry?"

"Why are you standing in the kitchen?" he asked with an odd expression as he crossed the floor handing me the key to the office.

"I thought you went upstairs." I mumbled, taking it from him and ignoring the tingle at the brief connection.

"_Ooh, tension, smouldering looks and a half dressed guy."_

I snarled and pushed past Kai with a little more aggression than necessary due to Mystel's careless comment. Every night I had to look at the innuendo's that Mariah wrote on Msn regarding my working relationship with Kai. Then I had to listen to Ming-Ming gagging for him and discussing his every move in great detail. I had to work with him when he was in an intolerable mood while avoiding him at school and now Mystel and his stupid comments, what's not to get aggravated about!

"Close the door on your way out."

I shook my head. You could never get two words out of Kai; it was like pulling teeth, painful and hard. I watched Kai retreat up the stairs and felt like hammering my head off the wall. I didn't understand my frustration with Kai's inability to converse civilly. It was probably due to the fact that I'm not used to people out and out disliking me without a reason. I'm not foolish enough to think everyone likes me, I don't like everyone so why should everyone like me, but they have their reasons and I have my reasons. But Kai just winds me up because I cannot understand a thing that goes on in his head.

All the same, I just wasn't in the mood to deal with him. I headed down the hall into the study/office slamming the kitchen door behind me. The phone here was connected to the main office line, so phone calls to the stable would automatically come through here if there was no one to answer in the official office. If there was no one here in the study, it would then be diverted to the kitche phone. This made it easy for me to work here. I liked the cosiness of this room. It was comfortable with the brown leather easy chair, the photos on the mahogany shelves and the silver cups and trophies from various sports and horse riding tournaments. There were several coloured ribbons and faded news paper clippings that I guessed Jean had put up in a collage on the notice board. Only family came in here or people who worked here, so it wasn't there to be boastful but just because Nicolai and Jean were proud of what they'd created here. I was interested in some of the trophies Kai had won but there weren't many from these past few years so I guessed he hadn't been participating in them. He needn't have bothered anyway, Mystel won everything up for grabs. He really was a horse whisperer type, he'd had an affinity with them that I just couldn't begin to fathom but I admired it greatly. Brooklyn was never too far behind him either, guess that was why those two opposites became friends in the first place, though Mystel could never be mean to a person.

Thumping down onto the easy chair, I felt it give under my weight then stiffen to accommodate me. Curling my feet up under me and kicking off my boots, I gave a sigh before touching the touch pad on the laptop and clearing the screensaver. The big computer sat on the desk behind it, almost dusty from none usage but if Nicolai had a presentation he took the laptop and left us the big computer but for the rest of the time, everyone used the laptop for its easiness. Though because of that, I had spent hours last Saturday transferring files from the laptop to the computer and vice versa.

Picking up the post it notes on the wall, I began to read through them. Nicolai was crap at taking messages or bookings. He tended to scribble everything down when he was in a hurry, stick them on the computer, the desk, the notice board, his water bottle, where ever and then we'd come in and have to sort through the mess. I.E. Transferring the notes to the computer file and sometimes we'd have to phone up clients and fit them in at a different time if he'd overbooked the class.

Picking up the remote, I switched on the radio and listened to the DJ on my favourite radio station make fun of the latest celebrity faux pas, laughing at funny bits and singing with the songs I liked, and coughing when the tickle in my chest became too unbearable. I'd caught the cold last week and now I was still suffering with it. The sore throat had passed in three days after numbing it with a throat spray that gagged me. Then the blocked nose played havoc with my breathing and sleeping, but that passed with some careful usage of cold and flu tablets and now I was dealing with the coughing with heavy dosages of cough syrup that had me hacking and cringing from the taste. All in all, it wasn't so bad that I couldn't go about my daily life. If that was the only illness I got this winter I'd be happy even if it wasn't quite winter yet.

'_We are Scientists_' came on the radio and had me tapping my foot in a rapid jig as I typed in the timetable for this Saturdays' riding classes. Ming-Ming had told me she was going to take up riding… I was not looking forward to this. Nicolai likes people to be interested in riding, she really is only interested in Kai and she'll drive Julia mad.

Julia… Well she's interesting. She's kind of the senior member of our younger working community. She's bossy and overly protective of her twin brother Raul but that's because he was sick as a child and they're Travellers so they got some trouble from people for most of their lives. For much of their youth they travelled around Ireland with their community, then when they hit their teenage years, their parents settled down in a house for the first time so that the children could concentrate on their education properly. They still travel during the summer and holidays but for the most part they stay put.

Unfortunately people don't really like their sort, heck, even I'm wary of gypsies since some once tried to steal Gypsy from the field behind my house. I'd been so freaked that I'd placed her in the stables for at least half a year.

However, I genuinely liked Raul because he was dead on and he worked his ass off in the stables where Nicolai let him keep his horse. As for Julia, well I tolerated her. She didn't seem to like me. She wasn't rude like Kai but more wary of me. It was kind of unnerving since I'm harmless. Nevertheless, they pull their weight and Raul is a good laugh to have around. He laughs at my jokes, which is nice, so I don't have to be bothered when Kai is around. I just tag around with Raul which could be a reason for Julia's mistrust.

However Julia's distaste of me has nothing to do with her pure undiluted hatred of Ming-Ming. I know Ming-Ming can be a bitch at times, but still I don't know what she said to piss Julia off so much. Those two can't even be in the same room together. Ah well, it's not my business. If they don't like each other, then fair enough. I have no reason to dislike Julia so I can't just be horrible to her because I wouldn't like it if she did that too me. The only time I'd ever do that was if someone was horrible to a friend of mine and I knew about it. That would qualify for some bitchy Amberness.

I slouched in my chair and pulled up MSN. I didn't download it onto this computer but I damn well took advantage of it being there when I was messing on the computer. Though sometimes it made me wonder just how many lines did Nicolai have for the house? They had the house line, the Stable line and then the internet. Where we were situated, we couldn't afford broadband that let you be on the internet all the time and afforded you faster access, we all had to dial up and deal with the shit that brought. Such as, big winds mean bad connection. Lightning brought bad connection. No phone line, no internet. And electric fences earthing caused complete havoc with the line. Back home in Rathglen, we had to deal with an electric fence that was earthing. This caused a clicking on the line and when it was clicking, -this ominous click… click… click, that sounded like a bomb ticking down the line-, it caused the dial up speed to be about 4 kbps, which meant next to no speed to access any websites so _if_ you did get on, it would take ages to download and when you think it's about to, it would say that it's unable to find the site, so it was useless. Moving was the only way to solve it. I could get on maybe once a month, sometimes a week if I was lucky. However, since the farmer was unaccommodating to our plight, we had to suffer with a bad connection because no other phone company could give you a line.

The whistling sound faded and I connected with 33.6 kbps and that was soon followed by the clear melodic sound of MSN going online. I scanned my friends list, that wasn't really a friends list, more a list of people who had my address. I hadn't bothered to sort them out into family, friends or co-workers. I noted Tala was on but away. Why do people come on if they're away? Meh, I suppose if they want to they can.

I cast an interested glance at the popup that claimed someone wanted to talk to me. Oh, Oliver, cool. Clicking on the window, I growled at the radio. Why do they insist on playing dance music trash on the radio? Save it for the clubs, if I want a headache, I'd bash my head against a wall. It would be more constructive. I noted the CD in the radio, and curious because I could make out the little dog and gramophone symbol on it that I recognized as the symbol for a music store, I switched it on.

**_Not another Zombie movie! _says: Amber, bonjour!**

I winced as something that sounded like the background music to a Tekken round blasted out. Immediately flashes of beaches, cheering faceless spectators and Christie Montiero dancing around and waving her hands about hit my brain. Scowling, I forced Asuka Kazama and Ling Xiaoyu to come in and kick the shit out of her. Feeling better, I flicked through the CD Tracks searching for something I might like. The first several were dance music, then rap and then… Oh this sounds like it could turn into rock! The electric bit faded into blasting drumbeats and guitar rifts before a familiar voice began to grind out the lyrics. Bullet for my Valentine, I realized numbly. I had stuck gold on this CD. Cool!

**_I've got an Uzi in my Jacuzzi for my floozy. Boy does that sound like a 50 cent lyric _says: Suppity, Monsieur? Why are we putting French words into our messages? Ok, I know you're French and everything but you're in Ireland; get down with the lingo!**

**_Not another Zombie movie! says_**: **Tá brón orm.**

I stuck my tongue out at the screen. Cheeky bugger. **_I've got an Uzi in my Jacuzzi for my floozy. Boy does that sound like a 50 cent lyric_ says: Feisigh do thoin fein!**

Let's see him figure out what that means. It's not something that comes up in our Irish curriculum, heck the only reason I knew it that correctly was because I read it in a book. Ok, so I knew the last three words but the first, well we're not taught how to curse in Irish and it's not in the dictionary, nor do they curse on Irish speaking soaps. Trust me, I watched to see. The most they say is 'Friggin' and that's a bloody English word!

**_Not another Zombie movie!_ says: Pardon? Do what to my own bottom?**

I grinned. God he's so cute. Well I suppose he'd have guessed it. What else would you tell someone to do with their own ass? I just never knew the way to phrase it before, now I did, I quite liked telling people to do it in Irish. It was fun. Like cursing in Japanese and French. Hey if you called someone an idiot in Japanese with a smile, you could just as well be greeting them to their knowledge. Trust me; I tried it with great results.

**_I've got an Uzi in my Jacuzzi for my floozy. Boy does that sound like a 50 cent lyric_ says: Sorry Olli. So how're you?**

**_Not another Zombie movie!_ says: I am well. **

**_I've got an Uzi in my Jacuzzi for my floozy. Boy does that sound like a 50 cent lyric_ says: You seemed down in class today, is something wrong?**

**_Not another Zombie movie!_ says: I… I'm ok. So do you have that essay on the IRB done?**

Oh yeah, this boy is fine… Yeah right. I know something is bothering him, I have known all week. He's been twitchy. He almost freaked today when Kai sat down next to him in History and again when Enrique slung his arm over his shoulder in HE class. Something in my gut was telling me that things were about to blow sky high but I just didn't know what.

**_I've got an Uzi in my Jacuzzi for my floozy. Boy does that sound like a 50 cent lyric _says: Yeah… God, I hate how glorified the IRA is made to be. They say they've 'decommissioned' but they provide no proof. We're just supposed to take them at their word. This from the guys who told the police that the Omagh bomb was at one end of the town so that when they herded the people to the opposit**

**_I've got an Uzi in my Jacuzzi for my floozy. Boy does that sound like a 50 cent lyric_ says: e end, they were all blown to bits. I trust those assholes as far as I can throw them and that ain't far. They were set up to protect the people, fine but they didn't. They ended up killing more than those they saved and now they're like the mafia and I'm supposed to treat their makers with reverence. How can Mr. Shallow think **

**_I've got an Uzi in my Jacuzzi for my floozy. Boy does that sound like a 50 cent lyric_ says: I'll give them a fair trial?**

**_Not another Zombie movie!_ says: Just keep your opinions relevant. Calling them heinous, shit sucking anuses won't go down well.**

I barely suppressed a grin at that insult. It was one of my better ones cursed out in one of my more passionate debates. I got all fired up about this so called 'decommission' because I can't get over how the government is bending to a bunch of terrorists and basically glorifying all the horrific things they've done to people and their families. It's like the IRA knows that they own the world and the government both Irish and British accept it. Northern Ireland isn't even a country anymore, it's a playground. The bullies own it and the teachers turn their backs.

**_I've got an Uzi in my Jacuzzi for my floozy. Boy does that sound like a 50 cent lyric_ says: Did you see Shallow's face when I said that? Ming-Ming squeaked.**

**_Not another Zombie movie!_ says: Well it was rather graphic and crude. Poor Hitoshi choked on his sweet and got told off for eating in class and Garland looked like he'd eaten a wasp. You even managed to get Kai to open his eyes for a second.**

I snickered. Kai was becoming mine and Oliver's favourite person to torture. Ok just mine, but Oliver always enjoyed his reactions so we had class craic replaying his expressions.

**_I've got an Uzi in my Jacuzzi for my floozy. Boy does that sound like a 50 cent lyric_ says: Ian looked like he was about to fall off the chair laughing, Jesus, that was one good one. Still I meant it. I don't like the way the media is treating this whole thing. Big historic day, yada, yada, yada, we must all bow down and hail the almighty IRA for granting us this one thing. It's giving them power over everyone. We've decommissioned so you have to do this for us. They got rid of the goddamn army for pities sake!**

**_Not another Zombie movie_ says: Calm down Amber. Just keep your essay impersonal and I'm sure you'll get an A. You seem to have grasped Irish History fairly fast. **

**_I've got an Uzi in my Jacuzzi for my floozy. Boy does that sound like a 50 cent lyric_ says: Ah it's just your expert teaching. **

**_Not another Zombie movie_ says: blushes**

"_Kai's watching you!" _Mystel's voice boomed in my head and I thanked him for the heads up. This way I wouldn't end up screaming like I did the last time. That had been embarrassing.

_Where is he?_ I asked as I muffled another bout of coughing as my throat itched to sing along with the song. I quickly closed down the MSN window hoping he hadn't seen it. Of course, he probably had since why else would he be watching me.

"_Standing by the door_."

_Kay_. "Did you want something?" I turned to look at him, raising a brow in an almost mocking challenge. Ha, ha, didn't know I knew you were there, did you? Ha, ha! He shifted against the door way in a way that suggested he'd been quite comfortable which meant he'd been there a while. Shit, had he seen what I wrote about him? Oh bugger!

He crossed to me, long legs easily covering the very small room that suddenly just seemed smaller. Slumped in the easy chair, he suddenly seemed taller to me. He held out a box and I frowned.

"Take that." he said before leaning over me to extract the CD I was listening to. And note to self, Kai smells really nice. Whether that's because he had a shower or he just usually smells good, I'm not really sure. "Your coughing is getting on my nerves."

I glared at him, placing the cough medicine on the table. I had actually thought that was a nice gesture before he had to go and ruin it. Jerk! I didn't even have a comeback about my coughing annoying him; I was just too stunned by his absolute rudeness. So all I could do was watch numbly as he left the office before the tickle in my chest began again and I bent double with the force of the coughing fit.

Moaning pitifully, I climbed to my feet and took the bottle of cough syrup to the kitchen with me. I had this thing where I had to drink cough syrup over the sink; that way if it tasted foul and I had to spit it out, it had somewhere to go. Then again, put Kai in front of me and then I'll certainly spit it out. God, how rude could a person be.

"_Maybe he was feeling awkward about his gesture. You're not an easy person to be nice to Amber."_

I frowned over that. Was I a hard person to be nice too? Maybe. Still that didn't mean he didn't have to be mean about it. _Your coughing is getting on my nerves. Honestly, Mysty that was just out and out rude. _

As I approached the kitchen I could hear the sounds of the TV and on entering I noted that 'Neighbours' was playing on the small black box beside the fridge. Something brushed my legs and a small '_meow_' alerted me to the little grey kitten weaving between my legs and arching its back. I knelt down and gathered it into my arms.

"Hey Jack." I still couldn't believe Kai had called the cat something as bland as 'Jack'. Tom I could understand but Jack?

Jack purred and nuzzled my throat before I left him onto the counter and froze. Ah fuck, bugger, shit, dammit!

Kai stood with his back to me, oblivious to the string of curse words running through my head. I don't know how I never noticed him when he was standing in front of the sink looking out the window while guzzling a glass of water as though parched.

Before I could come up with an opening line the phone rang shrilly. Kai just flicked it a look before sighing heavily and crossing to the counter to lift it up, absently stroking Jack under the jaw as the kitten padded over to him.

I barely paid him a considering glance as I crossed to the sink and pulled out the bottle from the box and the complimentary little plastic cup. Reading the instructions, I began to wonder why Kai hadn't spoken yet. Surely you spoke on the phone or was he a born again mute! I looked at him and found him listening boredly with the phone to his ear. He caught my eye and rolled his at the phone.

I motioned at him to tell me who it was.

"Phone company." he mouthed back.

"Eircom?"

He nodded annoyed and setting the phone down, he walked over to table and began to leaf through a car magazine. I had to admit, Kai had a certain style. The man on the phone was still yabbering away unaware or unconcerned that his customer had gone walk abouts. I felt the familiar tickling in my throat and the convulsion that heralded that I was going to go into another serious coughing fit. Quickly fiddling with the cap on the cough syrup bottle, I poured the thick burgundy liquid into the plastic measuring cup -10 ml's- and…

"Oh god." I murmured before throwing the liquid into the back of my mouth and swallowing defensively. It burned the back of my throat and doused the tickling sensation.

I shook my head and made a sour face. God that stuff tasted foul but it sure burned the cough out of me. Breathing a sigh of relief, I turned back to regard Kai. "So when are you going to let him-" I jerked a thumb at the phone, "Know you're not interested."

"He'll figure it out sometime himself."

"Right." I washed out the plastic cup and picked up the phone to check it. All I could hear was the tone. He'd hung up. Placing it back on the cradle, I headed back for the study feeling all talked out with Kai.

"You done that essay yet?"

I looked over my shoulder. He hadn't even glanced up from the car he was studying. "Yeah, finished it last night. You?"

He nodded. "Need a conclusion but I can draft that up tomorrow morning."

Oh yeah, Kai's essay's are always really good. He has a good style and a great ability to put in the facts without it seeming long winded. He's excellent at being concise, I suppose that's the same as being abrupt only without the tone of derision, it makes for a well rounded essay. Mine, they tend to be long winded with too much information that no one really cares to know but I get away with it because I write it in a way that makes it an ok read. It won't score me any points in the LC unless I can find a way to cut it down on words and keep the relative informative points while leaving out all comments that are biased and have nothing to do with the essay itself and everything to do with my emotions.

I opened my mouth to reply, not quite sure what I was going to say but I kind of wanted to keep the conversation going. Or I felt I had to, I mean how often does Kai speak? Next to never, at least not to me. However, before I could come up with something completely idiotic -which tends to happen when I'm under pressure to fill uncomfortable silences- the phone rang again.

Since Kai was closer to it, I waited for him to pick it up. And waited. And waited. And… "Don't you think you should answer it?"

"It's probably another telesales person."

"Kai, you have caller ID. Jesus, screen your calls." I muttered as I stalked over to the phone and peeked at the LCD screen and recognized the number. "It's Ming-Ming."

"So?"

"So shouldn't you answer?"

"Hn. It's probably for the stable, you answer it. You're on office duty."

I scowled at him. Ming-Ming wasn't phoning to hear my beautiful voice; of course I never said that. Instead I moved to pick up the phone but it rang off. I'm sure I heard Kai breathe a sigh of relief but I can't be sure. All I do know is that he was being rude by not talking to her.

A melodic tune cut through the air, punctuated by the buzz of Kai's mobile vibrating on the table. He lifted it, glanced at it momentarily before closing his eyes and exhaling loudly as he tapped a button to quiet it before he placed it back on the table. A second later the phone began to ring again.

"Doesn't she ever give up?" he demanded exasperatedly while I tried -not very hard mind you- to stifle my giggles.

"Then answer the phone and see what she wants? I doubt she's phoning you up for lessons, but you never know."

He swept his gaze up and pinned me with a black look. Gee, I could have shaken in my boots, if I were actually afraid of a guy who wouldn't talk to Ming-Ming. I mean, she's as scary as a Barbie princess. Actually on second thoughts, they are kind of creepy. All they do is stare; and hello, they don't wear bras or underpants. At least mine never did… Wonder what's with that? Parents are trying to keep their underwear on their daughters and the Barbie people Mattel is it? Are encouraging them to go commando?

"Answer the phone!" I ordered again as Kai just continued to read.

He simply shot me a bored gaze, lifted the phone and deliberately placed his finger on the top of it without taking his gaze of me.

Completely speechless I just gaped at him. He'd just effectively silenced Ming-Ming by switching off his phone. Jay-sus! Could he be anymore rude? Probably but I'd yet to see it.

"I don't want to talk to Mingin'." he said finally before closing up his magazine, folding it under his arm and walking out the door. A few seconds later I heard the stairs creaking under his feet.

Mingin'. That's so mean… but kind of novel. Alright, I admit it, I'm a bitch. I actually thought his little nickname for Ming-Ming was kind of funny and clever. Mingin'… I bit my finger.

_Am I a bad person Mystel?_

"_Maybe a little. She is your friend and you're just finding it funny because you find Kai interesting."_

"_I don't like Kai in that way! And if I didn't like Ming-Ming, I'd probably call her Mingin' myself. I just think it's kind of clever."_

"_I never said you liked Kai, you just find him interesting."_

Ok, that was kind of true. He was interesting, in a strange way. I hadn't come across someone like him before. He called one of the darling's of our school Mingin' I.e. disgusting. I thought it was kind of cute, in a horribly mean way. He shouldn't be calling Ming-Ming a minga, I mean she's obviously pretty. So it's a horrible insult, she's in no way unattractive though her clinginess could be quite unattractive to him. I just… there's no way to explain it, but I found it amusing. I'm just not going to rush out and tell her what his cute pet name for her. Although the fact that Kai could actually have said this nickname obviously meant that Ming-Ming was really getting on his nerves. Maybe I should tell her to back off; she's driving him away with her attitude.

The phone rang again and I checked the screen. Yup, Mingin' again. I really did have to speak to her about her clingy attitude. If she wasn't careful she'd end up being called Clingy Mingy and god knows what else.

I lifted the phone and took a deep breath. "Hello."

"Oh hello, is Kai there?" her voice suddenly sounded suspicious. I could just hear her thinking: Young female voice in the Hiwatari household, good God, could it possibly be Kai's wife to be! Alas, no it's just the young maid servant, who the lord of the manor abuses by never taking on his share of the work, and making her answer his calls.

I shot a dark look towards the ceiling. I hope you feel a pain in your ass Kai, because if you do, it's me!

"Uh… Just let me check." Oh Kai, you shouldn't have crossed me.

I took the phone and myself up the back stairs and wondered where the hell Kai's room could be. I was sure that was where he'd retreated to. However since I'd never been in Kai's room before, I couldn't be quite sure where it was. All I knew was that the bathroom was the first door on my right. Alright, I could just open every door, peek in and hope to god that they didn't have security camera's fitted…

"_Or you could follow the music."_

"Or I could follow the music… What music?"

Mystel shook his head. I'm sure it's a ghost thing, though why ghosts have better hearing is beyond me. Why would they need it? In case they get run down by a phantom car? I don't think so! I want super hearing. I just don't want to die to get it. He began to walk down the hall though his feet made no sound on the wood. Strange, I don't think I'll ever get used to that. He's dead but he's not. That's just too weird.

He motioned to a thick pine door. There was no signs, no posters, nothing to say it was Kai's room. In fact I was guessing there would be nothing inside either. I bet it was super clean. He seemed like he wouldn't like cluster or leave much of a mess. I, on the other hand, liked clutter; at least my room looked as though it had been lived in.

I knocked on the door and waited. I was suitably reminded of earlier today when I'd stood in the same position. Looking down on the phone, I decided to mute the call so that Ming-Ming wouldn't hear anything that was said. It might not be nice.

Bored of waiting, I opened the door and stepped back. I'd seen enough kids' movies to know that some boys had booby traps in their rooms… but after nothing, I pushed open the door and popped my head in.

Wow. Kai's room was not what I expected at all. There were model planes hanging from the roof, glow stars were in various constellations (seriously they were in the constellations. I had five large stars scattered around my light, that was my attempt at a solar system!), a bookshelf of books which I was pretty sure was made in school because I'd seen a similar one in Osama's room held all sorts of things. Some books, not an extreme amount of them and they weren't anything like the ones in my room. There were car magazines everywhere. Posters of cars… OH Shit! An Aston Martin DB9... I could almost feel my mouth watering.

Yes, I've accepted I'm weird for going gooey eyed over a car. A car. Oh man, a viper! I want a viper. I'll never get a viper but a picture would do… I could still dream. Though I still plan to get myself a Peugeot 206. Not the most luxurious of cars but at least it doesn't look like a box with a bit at the front and heck; it does look pretty chic in dark metallic blue. Don't ask me about engines, I can't tell you, I just know what I like and those are cars I like. And they were all lined up on Kai's walls like a sort of Hall of Fame deal. There were DVD's -mostly action and fighting films, no porn that I could see but hey, they could have been hidden inside the covers. Most of them were ones I'd seen or heard of. Batman? I raised a brow. Kai didn't strike me as a comic book fan, but Blade was up there too and Spiderman. Hmm, surprising. I doubted he was a fanatic though… Starwars, lucky shit. I wanted the trilogy but couldn't afford it.

Wait a minute Starwars?

Kai Hiwatari + Starwars The Twilight zone.

And I've seemingly entered it.

Oh well, Kai was the type of guy who liked what he liked. He probably didn't get mocked for it since he's so secure in everything he does. Unlike me, but hey, I had good friends that countered the mockery.

His CD collection wasn't bad, a mix of the old and new rock, Queens of the Stone age, Guns and Roses, Status Quo… Interesting. Coldplay, Off Spring, Travis, Muse, Nirvana, SOAD and a bunch of blank discs. I couldn't fault his music taste, it was pretty good nor could I find fault in his PS2 games. Ok, you can have too many soccer games. They're all the same. You run after the ball and try to score in every game. Honestly, one is enough unless the graphics had changed dramatically, for example, in one game you're playing with match stick people and in the new games they actually resemble the players they're based on; then by all means get it but Pro Evolution 5 and FIFA 2005? Come on! It's the same game if you're getting to the bones of it! Same with Collin McCrae WRC 1 and 2 and it's the same game just with a few modifications. At least Need for Speed has different sound tracks for its games. NHL, the guy has good taste in sports. F1, Crash Bandicoot? Ok, I'll pretend I didn't see that.

Ok, if Kai wasn't such an unsociable git, he and I might have had a few things in common. However, you can exhaust sports and Films in a short time. At least Tala and I can have a laugh, Kai's face would split.

"_Amber, phone!"_

_Oh sorry. _

I located Kai in the corner on his laptop. His ears were covered by earphones, the CD player in his pocket while his fingers moved quickly and agilely over the keys with a comforting clicking sound. His back was to me and I was betting he hadn't noticed me. Ha, and why? Because he doesn't have a ghostly ex, that's why. Mystel comes in so handy at times.

With a wicked grin, I crept up to him and slapped a hand down on his shoulder only to yelp in pain as it was caught in his fierce grip.

"What do you want Benson?"

At least have the decency to look at the girl who's hand you're crushing, moron! "My hand back, please?"

He shot me a dour look before continuing to type on the computer with one hand, his other still holding onto mine. It was suddenly feeling very uncomfortable, so much so that I was tempted to just claw at his hand until it released mine.

"Kai let go!"

Suddenly the glass on the table toppled over, luckily there was no liquid left inside but it was enough to alert me to Mystel's agitation rising. He couldn't do a thing to help me. It was a startlingly worrying revelation. No matter the fact that he was around me constantly, and that I could see him and hear him, he couldn't help me if I ever got into trouble. Kai wasn't trying to intimidate me, but it did bring it into the forefront of my mind that I couldn't ever become careless because even if Mystel was with me, I still wasn't safe. He couldn't protect me. And that had to hurt him.

"Kai let go! Now!"

Kai dropped my hand as if I'd burnt him. His eyes watched me inscrutably and I could feel my eyes burning but I wasn't going to cry, I just felt so bad for Mystel. I couldn't feel him anymore, it was almost as though as soon as Kai had let go, the pressure that had been building inside me had dispersed with Mystel.

"Do you always enter rooms uninvited?" Kai demanded looking back at the screen.

"Well you never answered, again. Take those earphones out; I'm not going to talk to you while you're not listening."

He shot me a very black look and ripped the earphones off so violently I thought he was going to snap the cord. A very bitter expression was tightening his face and I really was regretting entering his room. This wasn't Tala; Kai wouldn't necessarily just laugh off my nosiness. Something about me really pissed him off and I didn't know how far I could push things with him. I could never be quite sure what reaction he would give next. He was unpredictable and scary and extremely good looking despite that. He really suited his black moods.

Oh sue me, I have blood in my veins so yes, I'm going to think Kai's handsome. However, attraction and being in love with are two very different things. I'd tasted one; the other would just be a poor imitation and would only leave me feeling lonely again. I wasn't willing to risk that no matter how good looking the guy was. Besides Kai didn't like me, that was the main thing to remember and I just hope I'm not projecting this. Oh Mystel knows I love him anyways. He was everything I ever wanted and I wouldn't settle for anything less.

"What do you want?" Kai bit out.

My little plan of telling him that Tala was on the phone suddenly didn't seem like a good idea anymore. "Um… Ming-Ming-"

"No." he snapped. "Just go away."

"I- Hey! Why are you being so horrible to her? You don't like me, fine but don't dare take it out on her. For some daft reason, that wee girl thinks you're a decent human being. You could at least take her goddamn call and stop acting like a selfish little twit. Life's short, you can't spend it being a bastard."

I shoved the phone at him but he simply stood up until he towered over me and shoved it back at me.

ARGH! What kind of shit head is he?

"I am not going to talk to your little friend." I did not like the way he said friend, if it was Mariah using that tone, she would have used the finger quotation marks.

"Why not?" I demanded.

"Because I'm not giving her false hope. If I talk to her she'll convince herself that I'm interested. If I ignore her, maybe she'll get the message."

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him to just tell her he wasn't interested in her but I didn't want to burst her bubble. She really liked him and she did entertain hopes that Kai would some day like her back, I couldn't destroy that dream. I had experienced love; I couldn't shut down Ming-Ming's chance to experience the same thing. And if Kai did brutally reject her, she might just harden her heart to ever caring about someone again. I wouldn't do that to her.

Shaking my head at him, I took the phone and pressed the number. "Ming-Ming?"

"Yeah I'm still here." Ok am I the only one who thinks it's slightly pathetic that she held on the line for this long? "Is that you Amber?"

"Yup." I rubbed my hand; it was beginning to cramp up and throb.

"What are you doing in Kai's house?"

Answering the phone since he doesn't do it himself! "Oh, I'm working in the office today at the stables."

"Oh, but I phoned the house phone."

Oh she's good. "Yeah, but the house phone transfers calls to the office phone after a certain number of rings." Actually it was the opposite way round but she didn't need to know that.

"Oh. Well, is Kai around?"

"No, sorry. I looked but he's um… in the shower." Hey, how inspired am I?

"Really?" she all but squeaked the word. Poor child. She really is a terrible judge in character.

"Yeah."

"So he'd be naked right."

Unbidden a smile played on my lips as I looked up at Kai who was lazily watching the whole thing, though his eyes were still dark and fixed on my hand. I quickly shoved it into my jean pocket. Ouch, jean pockets are incredibly tight, that was really not a smart thing to do.

"Uh, yeah, I'm sure he's naked in the shower." How else do you take one?

Kai rolled his eyes up to heaven and threw his hands up in exasperation before flopping down onto the bed. A double bed, if my estimation is any good. Bet you that mattress is plenty good too. Nice for bouncing on… and BAD AMBER! I'm really had to be merging with Mystel; it's the only explanation for my thought process. His shirt had crept up again to reveal a patch of pale skin dusted with a thin line of dark hair disappearing down into his jeans. I really should not be looking at Kai's abdominal muscles, I really shouldn't. But all those years working in the stables, lifting bales of hay, straw and silage and mucking out stalls had really defined those abs that I _shouldn't_ be looking at!

Forcing my eyes away, hoping it hadn't noticed though I had made it seem that I wasn't really looking at him just sort of looking but not seeing, sort of. Oh well, my bad. I knew that those years in the saddle had given him a nice butt too but I hadn't looked, much. But only because Ming-Ming made me look one time when we were standing behind him in assembly. We got glared at by Balkof for it though because he had been standing behind us and heard Ming-Ming's very obvious innuendo about what she'd like to do to said ass. Do I ask to be put into these situations? No but funnily enough I seem to find myself being told to look at various boys asses. Like lunch one day last week where Johnny -who Miyami made out with but is _not_ going out with…I don't understand either, but that was what I was told- started complimenting Oliver's ass in the line for the canteen behind me. I have no idea what that was about but Kane -some guy who annoys Aspin constantly… I don't know why that is either- joined in and poor Oliver ended up blushing so badly. These guys are just asking for trouble.

"Look Amber, I have to go. Ok, I'll talk to you later." Without another word, she hung up on me. Is it me, or did she make it sound as though _I_ was keeping _her_? She phoned me, or well Kai but same difference.

I hung up the phone and looked at Kai. "Here, you keep this. She's just going to have some nice day dreams about you naked now." Did I hear vindictive pleasure in my tone? Surely not.

Kai glowered at me, well I think that was what he was trying to do but I could only see slits of liquid brown from beneath his lowered lids. It's pretty pathetic of me to actually think that he looked really sexy like that… really it is. I'm a sucker for brown eyes.

"That was exactly what I was trying to avoid."

"Oh give it a rest Kai. It's not like the girl's in love with you. Believe me, she's not. She may think she is but it's a crush."

"Oh and what makes you so sure?"

"First of all, don't flatter yourself. She doesn't know you. You're just a pretty face to her and there are plenty of those out there, some that even come with a personality that's actually pleasant."

He winced; at least I think he did. No he couldn't have. If I actually hurt him that would mean he actually cared what I thought. I doubt that very much. It was just a muscle twitch or something. Yup, yup, yup.

Just as Kai went to snap something bad a loud rumble thundered around us. I held up a hand and stared out the window. The clouds had darkened and the light had long since faded. There was a silence outside. I jerked my gaze to Kai who'd come to stand behind me, his warmth radiating from his body.

"I take it that's not a lorry."

"Not likely. Come on, we have to round up the horses."

My stomach heaved suddenly with dread. Why did I think I wasn't going to like this?

* * *

I was right.

I didn't like this.

I hated this.

I was sitting on Topaz, the pretty, usually docile palomino that I'd met on my first trip to the stables with Tala just last month. She was so beautiful, but I wasn't admiring her sleek coat at the moment or her musky scent or the feel of her solidly between my legs under the saddle. I couldn't breathe so therefore I couldn't smell the usually comforting smell of the tack. My mouth was dry so I couldn't taste the coming rain on my tongue. I couldn't hear anything past the roaring in my head so I couldn't hear the thunder rumbling in the distance, not that that mattered because I could hear the thunder in my head. My hands were shaking on the reins and as I gripped them tighter, I just found myself shaking harder. My heart was beating double time and the pulse at my throat was jumping against the skin in a panicky action as it demanded to almost be let loose. I wanted to scream and runaway too but sheer pride held me still.

It wouldn't last for long though. My pride would only get so far before sheer terror would break through. Already my heart was beginning to gallop. My back had broken out in a cold sweat and my hands felt clammy and slippery. Oh god, what if my grip slips off the reins and I…

I swallowed hard. I felt too hot, my head was aching. I couldn't think straight and my breathing was coming in fast, shallow pants. I could hear it shuddering out between my clenched teeth. Kai was saying something ahead of me and Peadar, one of the men who worked in the stables laughed.

Yeah, laugh all you want. Go ahead and just laugh at my fear. You won't be laughing so hard when I'm dead.

The thunder was no longer in my ears but in my head…

_I was no longer on the back of Topaz but standing by a fence listening to announcer above my head. The clouds were a smeared over the sphere of sky above our heads but it was still warm and dry. The sweet scent of freshly mown grass was strong as was the candyfloss that the little toddler in the arms of the woman beside me was wiping over his face. I was happy but annoyed with the person beside me, but as long as I concentrated on Mystel, I didn't have to concern myself with Brooklyn who was in such a mood. I tried to get three words out of him and he bit my head off. God knows what's wrong with him. Over head the speakers were announcing the next event, mainly the show jumping-_

The reins bit into my palm as I squeezed them tighter, trying to use them to draw myself out of the forbidden memory. I'd locked it away so tightly but standing here, the scent of the fear the horses were feeling, with Topaz prancing nervously beneath me, I couldn't help but relive it. Oh god. Oh please god… The tears were beginning to blur my vision; the quivers I'd been suppressing began to wrack my body with violence.

A hand closed over mine startling me. I whipped up my wet gaze to stare at a concerned Raul. His lime green eyes that I usually found fascinating were clouded as his mouth moved but I couldn't hear the words. I swallowed hard and heard the click in my ears, everything sounded so loud. Kai's voice as he shouted to someone. The leery laugh of Mickey Doherty and underneath was Raul's soft question.

"… ok?" I shook my head. "Amber?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine; you look like you've seen a ghost."

"Please Raul, just leave me alone." My voice came out in a high pitched bark.

I couldn't concentrate on Raul and contain my fear. I didn't mean to be so abrupt with him. But I was on the verge of hysteria and I just… I wanted to run, I really wanted to run and get away. The first fat tea spilled over and slid down my cheek before splashing onto the saddle.

I stared at it dumbly. Silently, I reached up to cheek and felt the wetness. Quickly, I wiped my eyes.

Suddenly the thunder erupted over head and Topaz jolted underneath me. With a muffled scream, I scrambled off her and stumbled back. I could breathe properly, it kept clogging in my throat and my lungs were burning. I saw Raul say something but I couldn't hear it through the buzzing in my ears. I couldn't think straight, I just had to get away.

I turned away and headed back for the house. I wasn't strong enough, I just couldn't-

Suddenly my way was blocked. By a horse! Startled, I looked up into Kai's blazing eyes. "Where are you going?" he demanded roughly. It would strike me later how weird it was that I hadn't been able to hear the others but Kai's voice came through loud and clear, but at that present moment I'd been too caught up in my emotions.

"I-I can't." I choked on the words, I just couldn't think straight. It was as if I was locked in a little room inside myself, I could see what was going on but I didn't have any control. It was a reflex to the strong emotions battering against me.

He looked around at the others, I suppose before leaning down so that they wouldn't hear him. "What do you mean you can't?"

"I-I…" I stammered over the words. My throat was closing up; I could feel the tears burning my eyes, not just from the memories but from the shame. I knew I was making a scene and I knew that I was probably over reacting. If I had simply gone to Kai and explain that I couldn't be on a horse when there was thunder, then I was sure he would have let me stay up in the office. Of course, I didn't do that. Instead I just made a big eejit of myself in front of everyone. God, I could have died.

"What's the matter with you? Benson, we need everyone to bring in the horses. It's all hands on deck, you know that!"

I couldn't. He had to realize I couldn't. I wasn't standing here with tears in my eyes for nothing, dammit! Why couldn't he just drop it?

"Please don't make me." My voice was no louder than a whisper and I hated feeling so weak and pathetic but I just couldn't do it, I really couldn't. Another tear spilled over and Kai's brows knitted in bewilderment and possibly speculation.

The thunder rumbled above me and I flinched visibly, so visibly that Kai frowned and scanned my face. His expression became instantly blank while his eyes cooled considerably.

"Fine, go up to the house and wait." he all but snapped out the words, looking at me as though I was worth any respect for my pathetic display. I couldn't blame him; I didn't feel very worthy either.

I could feel everyone's gazes on me as I made my shameful way back to the house. The tears that had been welling began to spill over with more frequency and I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself so it wasn't such a big shock that by the time that I'd reached the house, my body was being wracked with sobs. I couldn't breathe properly and I couldn't get past the pain that was flowing through me. I stumbled into the kitchen. I couldn't even see where I was going. I was seeing everything through a veil of liquid. My face was wet, the tears sliding down into the various contours of my face. My chest was heaving, I couldn't get enough air. I didn't care if I was sounding like a wounded animal, it just hurt so much.

Sighing shakily, I tried to compose myself as I slid to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest. I just felt so alone.

"_Amber, please don't cry."_

"Go away, you're not real."

"_Amber, please."_

"Go away!" I ground out the words, forcing them past my clenched teeth. I felt the tug in my stomach and realized that Mystel had taken my order and had dispersed. Part of me wanted to call him back just to make sure he wasn't gone for good, but the other thought it would be better if he was. How could I mourn him, grieve him if he was constantly there.

I don't know how long I sat on the Hiwatari's kitchen floor holding myself. I wasn't aware of time or of anything at all. After a while I began to just concentrate on the ticking of the clock and the buzz of the fridge. If I did that then I didn't have to think. My mind would stay blissfully blank and I'd be able to lock away the turmoil that had risen up unbidden.

Oh God, I can't believe I humiliated myself like that. I'm never going to be able to look any of my colleagues in the eye again. I'd forever be known as the girl who freaked out in the middle of a thunderstorm. Once again, the tears that were never far away began to well up and course down my cheeks every time I blinked. With a strangled moan, I dropped my head onto my knees.

"Ouch."

The door opened behind me. Startled I looked up. Oh please don't be Kai! I cannot deal with him now.

Fortunately it wasn't Kai, I could tell that by the humming and the rather feminine shoes as Jean walked straight past me, completely unaware of my presence to put on the kettle and drop her keys and stuff onto the counter. She looked really good; her hair was tied back in an efficient ponytail which still looked elegant yet casual on her. I don't know how she carries it off but I guess her style is engrained in her. Some people you look at and just know how they are. You look at my Mum and you know that she's kind and affable. You look at my Dad and see someone who's respectable and intelligent -of course that doesn't say what kind of parent they'll make. My Dad is just too much of a lads' lad. He just doesn't want to grow up. I can't really dislike him for that; he's still a good guy. As for Jean, you just know that she's elegant but she really works hard. I've seen her help Nicolai hold a horse while trying to give it an injection, that's no mean feat. I have enough trouble trying to pin a ram for Rory.

"Amber?"

I jerked my head to see that Jean had finally noticed me and was watching me with a concerned expression. Whatever she had seen on my face made her expression turn to one of sympathy and she immediately came to me, kneeling down to pull me into her arms. I sniffled miserably, seeing the sympathy and knowing that she cared made the walls I'd built up crumble again and I fell into her embrace. Before I knew it I was crying again and she was trying to comfort me. Stroking my hair and murmuring words that meant nothing to me.

It wouldn't be alright. It wouldn't be ok. It would never be ok. Mystel was gone. He'd left me and I would never be able to hold him again. I could talk to him but that just hurt and was I really talking to him or was he a figment of my imagination? It just hurt too much to think about. Having him around was an ache I couldn't relieve. I couldn't touch him. I had no one to cuddle when I was feeling down.

"Oh honey, what happened?" she asked softly, drawing me back while I rubbed my face with sleeve. "Was it Kai?" she demanded.

I shook my head. "No." I all but croaked out the word, my voice sounding rusty and pathetic, as though I hadn't used it in months.

"What's the matter then?" she asked anxiously. "Why are you crying?"

"I… I…"

"Come on now." she murmured, cupping my elbows gently, drawing me to my feet and guiding me to the table. Sitting me down, she efficiently began to brew a pot of tea.

"Talk to me Amber. What happened?" she all but ordered me to speak as she placed a piping hot mug of tea in front of me.

I immediately cupped it in my hands and let the warmth seep through into me. It began to chase off the cold that had been numbing me. Life began to spurt through my veins and I no longer felt dead. Everything began to flood with rich colours.

I looked directly at Jean's questioning expression and swallowed my mouthful of tea. Taking a calming breath, I began to recount my fear on the horse and how I couldn't stay on it while there was thunder. Almost in tears, I finished up with: "And I let Kai down and now I feel so humiliated. I acted like such a wimp, freaking out like that."

"The thunder?" she questioned softly; then comprehension dawned. "Oh. Oh sweet heart." she got up from the seat and put her arms around me. I leaned into her and tried to remain calm. Every shaky breath felt like it clog my trachea and I felt like a gust of wind could blow me over. My head ached; it felt stuffy and full of cotton wool. I couldn't think straight and my eyes burned, my face felt hot and my neck couldn't support the weight of my head.

I dropped my head onto the table. It felt cool against my feverish brow. "I can't believe I did that in front of Kai."

"I'm sure he understands." Jean's voice sounded vaguely amused.

"I doubt it. He probably just thinks I'm an idiot. And I bit off Raul's head for no good reason. He was only trying to be kind and I just snap at him. I made a right eejit out of myself."

There was a strange pressure in my chest and I was trying so hard to swallow the tears that were rising up again. The lump in my throat was too painful to gulp back. I had too much pride not to relive the scene over and over again. I could still see the derision in everyone's eyes.

A roar of an engine caught our attention and we looked out to see the sweep of lights pass through the wet window pane. Rivulets of water streaming down the glass caught the light and sparkled like liquid tears. The darkness was pressing against the glass, navy in colouring with streaks of royal blue.

"That'll be Nicolai. You stay here and drink your tea, I'll go talk to Nicolai and he'll take you home."

I didn't say anything as she walked out the door. As soon as she was gone, I got to my feet and stumbled down the hall. I felt woozy and my limbs felt thick as I lumbered to the door and opening it, I stepped out into the cold evening. Rain spat at my face, spraying it with a thin moist coating.

I didn't really know where I was going. I just wanted to be home and that desire was strong enough for me to just leave without saying a word. I didn't want to just walk out on them. After all, Jean had been so nice and Nicolai wouldn't have blamed me for running away, it was obvious they were well aware of what had happened to Mystel. And I didn't want to see the sympathy in their eyes. I just couldn't deal with it.

* * *

I hadn't made it far when I heard the guttural growl of a jeep engine. I moved in closer to the edge to let it past, not minding the fact that my jeans soaked up most of the moisture in the grass. Puddles were growing on the road and my hair was straggly and limp, large drops of water rolled down my scalp and dropped from my nose. I didn't care about how wet I was. It was refreshingly cool compared to the heat that had been stifling me earlier, I couldn't really complain.

I was more upset about Mystel refusing to answer me when I thought about him. I was deliberately projecting his name in the hopes that he would return but he hadn't. He wasn't gone completely, at least I didn't think he would leave me just because I told him too but he had to be hurting as much as I was. I had been hysterical, honestly he must have noticed that but still, I had been pretty blunt with him and hurtful too. Why had I told him he wasn't real? Because, I told myself dryly, I wasn't quite sure if he was. Part of me was so sure I had just conjured him up to console myself but I was doing more damage to myself. How could I move on when he wasn't really gone to me? Simple fact was I couldn't. I really couldn't grieve properly when part of me was saying: 'sure isn't Mystel right there?' I may not have been able to touch him but I could talk to him, hear him laugh, listen to his voice. Enjoy him.

A hoot of a horn jerked me from my thoughts and I looked over my shoulder. And groaned. Literally. What the hell does he want? I wondered as I stood closer to the fence of a yellow field of mown grass. The jeep didn't pass on as I had hoped it would, but pulled over as I had feared it would. A rain sluiced window slid down and Kai ducked his head to look me directly in the eye.

"Get in."

Wow, the king of conversation strikes again. Why wasn't I falling at his feet like Ming-Ming when he was such a charming bloke? Honestly, Kai had to be beating girls off with a stick with his winsome attitude.

I glowered balefully at him. "Piss off." Not exactly eloquent but efficient in getting my point across. Who ever claimed I wasn't the queen of one liners!

"Get in."

"Piss off." Ok, I am perverse but hey, I was enjoying this. This back and forth repartee, it was just so simple and such a relief when what I was feeling was as complex as a Rubik's cube. Shooting him a grim smile, I slung my leg over the fence, followed by the other and leaped down onto the recently cut field.

I heard Kai's blistering curse and almost felt my ears burn before he jerked the car onto the side of the road, cut the engine and then the jeep door creaked open and slammed shut. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end and the primal instinct inside of me told me to run. My spine locked into place and I knew that Kai was coming up behind me, his long legs easily eating up the earth beneath him but I continued to walk straight towards the gate of the field, hoping that Kai would just give up.

Unfortunately, he really wasn't the type to give up and seconds later a hand snagged my wrist and I was rather violently, I might add, forced round to face him. Oh god. I swallowed hard. He was furious. The brown eyes I'd been admiring earlier were now black with fury. His expression was tightly strained and a muscle was doing the fandango in his jaw. My stomach dropped. I swear to you, it just dropped right down to my knees and my toes curled as goosebumps raced down my arms and legs. With my back stiff, my knees trembling and his fingers scalding the skin of my tiny wrist, I was really uncomfortable.

"Let go." Ah shit, my voice was about as firm and forceful as milk, in other words it was pretty damn weak and slightly husky. Go me and my perverse nature. Why the hell did I actually find his temper exciting? Easy answer, I'm perverse. But seriously, I didn't know Kai and he was furious with me though why that was, I wasn't sure. But Kai really didn't like me, I was in the middle of nowhere, I'd been horrible to him earlier, can we say perfect scene from a scary movie! Oh god, I was gonna die! And brutally too. They weren't even going to find my body until the next day and I'd be as pale as… well death except for the bruises where the blood had rushed down to the base; you know that gravity thing where everything goes south. Though technically, south wasn't down but to my right. Hmm, how does that work? Supposedly south was down but my feet were down but they weren't south? Hmm? How does that work?

Earth to Amber Marie! You're going to die!

"We need to talk." Kai said gruffly, dropping my hand like it was something gross.

I need to point out; I don't have leprosy so there was no need for him to drop my hand so abruptly. Poor guy was probably afraid I was going to scream rape. Silly boy, like I'd do something like that. Hehehe.

Wait... talk? What about?

"What about?" I asked cautiously, unconsciously rubbing my delicate wrist. It wouldn't bruise but it felt as though his fingers had left a mark. Like they'd burnt underneath the skin to leave a permanent tattoo.

Kai's eyes scrutinised me but they were unfathomable so I had no idea what he was thinking. "Not here."

He wanted to talk about not here? Oh wait, he didn't want to talk here. Ok, I'll admit, I'm a little slow. Though fair enough, I had just cried my eyes out and my head felt like a lead weight.

"Where then?"

"Get in the jeep."

I inwardly groaned. Here we go again. Did I look like someone who got into cars belonging to people I didn't know very well? First Brook, now Kai. These two were more alike than they thought. Both seemed to like ordering me around and treating me like a general dog's body.

"Look, I just want to go home and have a bath and go to sleep. That's all."

"You need to eat."

Huh? Wow subject change- And where are we going? Where was he taking me?

"Hey, hey, hey, HEY! Oi, you can't just go dragging me around. Let go, Kai!" I scowled down at the hand locked around my elbow as I stumbled along beside him. Hey, I probably wouldn't have been stumbling so much if I had just been looking where I was going and not just down at my elbow, but, he was just marching me towards the Jeep! I hadn't said I wanted to talk to him. In fact I think the words I had used were, I want to go home. Somehow I didn't think he was going to be taking me home.

"You're soaking wet."

"Uh-huh. So it won't be such a big deal for me to get anymore wet." Kai however looked very good wet. BAD AMBER! Jesus, what kind of whore was I? I had just had a big crying jag over Mystel being dead and now I was thinking how good my enemy looked wet? Though he really did. His hair was matted with it, sticking up in tuffs and his skin almost seemed to glow, not to mention how the pearly drops clinging to those thick lashes made his eyes look more liquid like and his mouth glistened and… AMBER BENSON STOP DROOLING!

I'm sick!

Sick!

Sick!

SICK!

He jerked me towards the fence and climbed over it easily with his long jean clad legs. "Come on."

"Uh, no." I was not going anywhere with this guy? Who did he think I was? Jodie Marsh?

I yelped as his hands hooked under my arms and he easily hoisted me over the fence before setting me down on the grassy verge before he stalked to the jeep. He yanked open the passenger door and turned to me. I just gaped at him. He had lifted me as though I were as light as a feather. Now, I'll admit, I'm no heavy weight, in fact I'm pretty damn lithe but I still weigh something! What the heck did this guy bench press? And I did not want to think about what that bench pressing did to the rest of his body. I bet his muscles were rock hard- And no thinking about his body! I'm possessed by Ming-Ming; there was no other reason for my thoughts. But, hell, I was still a straight female. I wasn't immune to Kai's looks, but that didn't mean anything. I loved Mystel, I still did (still do?). Love was more than just an attractive package; it had to do with the heart, soul and mind of the person too. Lust was just physical and I was above that. I wouldn't settle for that.

So I scowled at Kai. "What am I, a doll?"

Kai's eyes seemed to dance, almost as though he was amused but I was betting it was the light. "Just get in Benson."

I sucked in a breath. Remain calm, Amber, just remain calm. "Ugh, fine."

I thumped into the passenger seat and willed all the water my jeans had soaked up to seep into his seat. It would serve him right!

* * *

It wasn't until we were turning into the front parking space of the Friar's Rest in the centre of Ballykuten, that I realized that Kai wasn't taking me home. Ok, so I probably should have realized it when he turned into the town centre instead of taking the lane down to my house but give a girl a break, I was too busy ignoring Kai to actually pay attention to where we were going. He wouldn't even let me turn the radio station to the station I like, instead I had to listen to his station which wasn't so bad; it just played all the chart music. I did get to hear the JCB song, finally. It kind of reminded me of sitting in my Uncle Rory's JCB when I was just a child. I guess that was the point, ya know, to remind you of people who were good to you when you were a child, that you may ignore now that you're older and think you're too cool to hang around with. I don't think that about Rory but it made me think about my Dad. He wasn't a bad man; he really had tried to be there for me when I was a child.

"Come on." Kai said as he turned off the ignition and climbed out before I could reply. Didn't stop me though.

"Just order me around Hiwatari; I'm a good little doggy." I muttered before tugging off the seat belt and climbing out after him.

I caught up to him and followed him into the friendly atmosphere of the café. I'd been in here a couple of times after school and on the weekends, whether it was with Tala, Shahero or with the Mum and Hiroshi. Kirby worked here part time too which made things better. I also liked the unpretentious atmosphere. The walls were a warm terracotta colour with white roof and trim. The booths were a pretty forget-me-not blue with rich chestnut tables scattered either singly or clustered for bigger groups.

I didn't recognize many people inside but a few nodded or greeted Kai as we walked along in search of a table. Actually he was looking; I was looking out for Kirby. I noted her dressed in the uniform of pale, blue, short-sleeved polo and jeans with a navy apron around her waist and a notebook in her hands. She caught sight of me and waved before meandering through the tables towards us.

"Hey, Kai, Amber." she gave me a pointed look and inclined her head at Kai as if to say: 'What are you doing with him?' Don't get me wrong Kirby likes Kai; she just knows I'm not too keen on him.

"How's it goin' Kirby? Can I get a pot of tea-?"

"Coffee for me."

"Tea." Kai growled and looked directly at Kirby in a way that sort of dared her to argue with him. She just smiled pleasantly.

"Tea it is. Anything to eat?"

"No."

"Benson, you need to eat."

I rolled my eyes to heaven. What is with this guy and ordering me around? I looked back at my cousin, ready to tell her that I was fine and didn't need anything when I noticed her look.

"Ams, you ok?"

"Yeah."

"She's had a rough day which is why she needs to eat."

Kirby nodded. "Chips and curry dip, Ams?"

I smiled reluctantly. Trust Kirbs to know exactly what I need. "Thanks."

"Ok, so go have a seat and I'll get this to you as soon as I can."

Kai guided me rather roughly I might add, to a booth near the back and slid into the seat opposite me. I shrugged off my wet jacket. I was sticky and uncomfortable in my own skin. It was warm, almost stiflingly hot in the restaurant. It was probably comfortably warm to everyone else, but I was soaked through and my clothes were clinging to my body.

I sighed heavily and rested my chin on my palm. My hair was wet and tangling wildly, it has a habit of becoming wavy if I don't dry it straight which was what I should have been doing at home.

"Want to tell me what happened today?"

I jerked my head up to regard Kai warily. His voice sounded rusty as though he wasn't use to using it, though that didn't surprise me.

"It- It's nothing for you to worry about or anything. The thunder just spooked me. I don't like being on a horse when there's thunder." I explained. It sounded reasonable but that didn't stop an embarrassed flush from crawling up my neck at an alarming rate.

"Oh." he said softly. Only it wasn't an 'Oh is that all' or an 'Oh, right, that makes sense'. It was more like 'Oh, of course' sort of Oh.

"Yeah, so… I probably should have just told you that." I looked up uneasily. You know that feeling you get when someone's watching you and this uneasy silence has fallen on the table and you know you're imagining things because you're feeling guilty for not telling the whole truth? Well that was how I was feeling. Casually, or I hoped it was casually, I peeked up at him from beneath my lashes. Ah, bollocks, he was watching me intently, a clear hint that I hadn't fooled him at all. Why did he want to know why I'd acted so spooked for? Hadn't he heard that curiosity killed the cat?

"Here's your tea. Your food should be here any minute, Ams. Sorry about the delay but we're understaffed because one of the girls didn't come in."

I smiled up at Kirby and took the mugs as she placed down the teapot and the jug of milk down onto the table. Giving me one last look, she walked off to serve another table.

For a second I waited to see if Kai would move but he didn't so I set about fixing my own mug of tea and since I was feeling generous and because Kai was paying for this, whether he liked it or not, I poured him one too.

"Do you want milk or sugar?"

"Milk, no sugar."

I complied with his order and wrapping my fingers around my mug, I absorbed the comforting warmth but it didn't quite fill the emptiness inside me.

"I know about Mystel."

I snapped my head up and stared at him. He was no longer looking at me but gazing into his tea. I sighed heavily. "I suppose you would." I muttered almost accusatory, quickly adding when he shot me a surprised almost hurt (on anyone else it might have been hurt- not on Kai though) look, "You being in the horse industry and all. And you compete so… yeah, I figured you might."

"I was there that day."

Shit. I raked a hand through my hair and tried to get my head around that. He'd been there? He'd seen… O-kay. "Um… right. So you saw the accident?" I knew he did but I just wanted to be sure.

"Yeah. I thought you should know. You haven't told anyone at school."

"I told Tala."

"Not everything. Don't you think you should?"

"Oh yeah, yeah that would go down well. Oh hey guys, my boyfriend, the only guy I've ever loved and probably ever will, died last February. Yeah, it was a big tragedy. He was in a show jumping contest and his horse was afraid of thunder and bucked him right off and he never woke up from the coma." I snapped my eyes to his and glared. "Yeah, I can see how that would help my social calendar."

"They're worried about you. They know something's wrong with you."

"Why do you care?"

"I don't. But I saw how Raul reacted to you running away. Miyami's been questioning Tala and Shahero but none of them know what to say so everything ends up going awkwardly silent." he hissed.

I swallowed and ducked my head unable to think of something to say. I didn't want people to ask questions. I knew they wouldn't if I just told them, but I could just see them getting flustered every time they brought up something like a boyfriend or their latest romance. They'd go quiet and start shooting me nervous glances to make sure I wasn't going to break down and cry. How did I know this? Because that was how I was when Mariah lost her Dad and that was how my friends reacted after Mystel had died.

I didn't want that to happen. I was actually afraid of that happening. Mum had moved me here so that I could start again. So I could avoid all of those kinds of reactions. For god's sake, this was only being brought up because I hadn't realized how I'd react to being on a horse when there was thunder… I needed to talk to Brooklyn. He was the only one who could understand my irrational fear. He would sympathise where Kai couldn't because he hadn't gone through this. He didn't have nightmares of replaying that death. He didn't see the way my boyfriends face had gone pale or how blood had dribbled from his mouth from where he'd bit his tongue or the twisted angle of his arm, the bruises on his chest where the horse had kicked him accidentally. Kai had just seen him thrown if anything. That wasn't the same. How was I supposed to do that?

"I'm sorry I'm ruining your friends' lives."

"You're not ruining _their_ lives." he growled. "When was the last time you did some serious riding? When did you jump last? You don't even compete anymore." he added quietly.

I jerked my shoulders. "There's not much point in competing." I whispered.

"A horse like Gypsy should be exhibited in the shows." he growled. "And you don't even exercise her to her full potential."

I gaped at him. How did he know? What was he now? My stalker?

"I've seen you stop her before she can get into a proper canter never mind a gallop. You can't punish your horse just because you're scared."

How dare he! How dare he think he could talk to me like that and if he thought I was going to sit there and take it, he had another thing coming? Shooting him the filthiest look I could give him, given that I could feel the first prick of shameful tears, I got to my feet and stalked to the door with as much dignity as I could muster. I could hear Kirby calling out my name but I didn't look around. Instead I reached into my pocket and pulled out my MP3 player. I could walk home from here, it wasn't that far away but I didn't think I wanted to face anyone, certainly not Shahero. I didn't want her to see me in such a bad light. I was well on my way to considering her one of my closest friends. She had spirit and a great personality. I didn't want her to see me so weak and pathetic.

Hiwatari was right. I was scared stiff of riding Gypsy too fast. Each time I did, my heart was in my throat and I spent most of the time just imagining the various ways I could fall. And the worst part was that it was not Gypsy's fault. She had done nothing but I was punishing her.

I was a bitch.

I was evil!

I was in the wrong.

And worst of all, Kai was right. I dashed away the tears that were beginning to slide down my face but with the rain lashing down onto the streets and soaking my face, I wouldn't have to worry about anyone noticing anything strange. The fat drops splashed against the tarmac, drenching the ground.

"_You can't help it if you're scared."_

I sucked in a breath and the weight of my shoulders lifted as I turned to face Mystel. Right now I wanted nothing more than to go into his arms and let him just take everything away but I couldn't and he couldn't. Not anymore.

"_He made some valid points, you know._"

"I know. I just don't have to like it, do I?" I blew out a breath and turned my face to the darkened sky. The cool rain hit my cheeks.

"_I miss rain."_

I looked at him. "I miss you."

"_Yeah we're both SOL._"

I chuckled remembering a time when I had to ask him what that meant. He'd looked at me as though I had grown a second head and then he enunciated the words, patting my head like he would a simple child.

Shoving my hands into my pockets, I made my lonely way down the street. There were barely any cars out on the road and next to no people. No body ever really ventured out in the rain but I didn't mind it, it was refreshing and just another reminder that I was alive.

"_I don't think he was trying to upset you._"

"Nah, he cares about horses; that's all. I can't really deny that. Maybe I should get him to exercise her for me."

"_She won't let him._"

"She will if I ask her."

He smiled brightly at me and for a second it, it was like the air had suddenly become brighter. A car pulled up beside me and I sighed, recognizing it. Oh well, life just got so much better.

The soft hum of the window scrolling down caught my attention and I walked over to the drivers' side. Resting my arm on the roof, not minding the pooling water that soaked into my sleeve, I ducked down to look inside.

"Sweetheart." the driver greeted jovially.

"Da."

Ah my Dad, James Benson. The middle son born to William-James and Molly Benson. A lawyer by day and… well I wasn't sure I wanted to know what he did at night. He was my dad; there are certain things that shouldn't be shared between a father and daughter. Of course there were certain things that should be shared too but hey, I can't have it both ways.

"Where are you going?"

"Um… home Da. I decided to walk home."

"Yeah? Did you think of telling Nicolai?"

Oh crap. My shoulders slumped as I walked around the car and climbed into the passenger seat. "Did Nicolai phone you?"

He nodded slowly as he pulled away from the curb. "He phoned to say you got spooked at work today."

Great, now the whole world was going to know. "It was just the thunder. I didn't want to be on the horse when there was thunder."

"You should talk to someone."

Oh great, the shrink suggestion. Each and every time I had one of my moments, they said that I should 'talk to someone'. I was talking to someone. I was talking to my dead boyfriends' ghost. Yeah a psychologist would have a field day with that.

I reached down and turned on the radio. I know it was petty, but I didn't want to talk about seeing a shrink. I was fed up hearing my parents suggest it.

"Are you still having nightmares?"

"Not as many as I was." Directly after Mystel died, I had horrible dreams which had eased off when Mystel had come back but I still had been afraid to go to sleep. I would drift off and doze for a while but as soon as I felt myself moving deeper, I'd physically yank myself back to consciousness. Now I could sleep the whole night but I still was plagued by the nightmare about once a week, sometimes if I was lucky, I could go ten days but I always got it a couple of times a month.

"Won't you even consider talking to someone?"

"Da, please. God, you keep going on and on, I'm fine ok?" I huffed and folded my arms in a stubborn manner that hinted that I was not in a very cheery mood so all fathers should just leave it. But of course my dad being a lawyer meant that he liked to question people over and over again.

"You were walking in the rain, does that constitute as fine to you?"

"Yup." I smiled vapidly at him before turning my attention to the road we were traveling on. Note to self, keep your eye on where you're going at all times, Amber! "Da, where are we going?" I knew where we were going; it was the one place I didn't want to go.

"I figured we'd head up to mine. Don't worry, I called your mother and told her that we'd have some pizza together, or I could rustle up something."

"In other words you have Irish stew in the fridge that you could reheat. Da…" I trailed off on a heavy sigh. It wasn't as though I didn't want to spend time with my dad, it's just that… Well, I chose to live with mum after they divorced. Sometimes I felt like a traitor spending time with him. "Fine, but on one condition."

"Name it." he replied as he turned off the main road and travelled down a narrow back road riddled with pot holes.

"No talk about psychiatrists or psychologists or doctors. I don't want to share my troubles with them, especially since I have none and I'd hate to invent ones up just so I don't waste their time." Ok, that was a slight lie but if it put Dad's mind at ease, and it did, then I was ok with it.

"Ok then." He smiled softly at me, patting my hand before moving it to shift gear. "So how's everything at yours? Every time I phone, you seem to be out or busy."

BUSTED! "Uh… I've just had a lot of homework to catch up on. Especially in history, I have to have a tutor for that class since I did ancient history back home."

"So you haven't been avoiding me?"

I barely stifled a groan. Give me moody Kai; at least with him I didn't feel big wells of guilt. "Maybe a little. But not on purpose, I just didn't really… I don't know. I mean, it's different talking to you on the phone."

"You can pretend I'm someone else."

"Well no not exactly." I was now visibly squirming on the seat as though I had ants in my pants. "It's just, mum's got a new boyfriend and well, he's great and nice and then there's you, and I never really saw you that much. I just didn't want to be disappointed. I have this view of you in my head; I don't want to lose it."

"In your head, am I the villain?" I shrugged impotently. "You know, sweetheart, it takes two to make a marriage and two to break it."

He heard that one from Nana; she always said that every time she heard someone was getting a divorce. "Look, I know that. I just, can we please not talk about this. You know it makes me uncomfortable. Look, you're happy with your life, aren't you?" when he nodded, I continued. "Well mum is too and I'm ok-ish, with my life, so let's not go over this anymore. What's done is done and all that. I'm sorry I never came to visit; I just couldn't bring myself too. I was planning on coming sometime, just not quite yet."

"Well we're here now. I can take you home, if you want."

I shook my head as I gazed out at the pebble dashed bungalow with large chestnut framed windows that reflected the waning light of the moon that was beginning to rise in the distance. Opening the door, I got out and took in the cut lawn surrounding the drive that circled around the house before leading to the road. There was a chestnut picket fence along the perimeter of the garden separating it from the road and the neighbors. I walked around to the back of the house, noting that the clothes he'd hung out to dry were now quite thoroughly soaked even though the rain had now eased off, moving off to the east of the country. They hung limply on the line beside a small outhouse which I assumed held the coal and sticks he used to light the fire.

I startled as a dog yapped excitedly behind us. A small mongrel tied to a chain that was attached to a post bounced up and down in an attempt to get us to acknowledge it. I glanced at Dad as he placed the key in the lock and tried to juggle his brief case and files. Nudging him out of the way, I turned the key and bumped open the door with my hip. The house was cold as we entered so I headed over to turn on the central heating. Dad's house is pretty new so it doesn't contain the range that Nana's does which is a shame because the range adds character.

"Who's the dog?"

"I got him recently. It belonged to a client who died, the person who he gave him too couldn't take him and I couldn't let it go to the pound, so I took him instead."

Oh. Yeah, that sounded like Dad. He was like mum in that essence. They couldn't turn people away. It was their biggest asset and weakness too. "What's his name?"

"Cotton."

I winced. "Interesting name."

"Hmm, I figure he'll answer to anything that has two syllables."

Yeah we got Sheba to sit to the word Nanoo. It was amusing for the half hour that we spent on it. Then again, Ozuma and I could be amused by the littlest of things when we're bored.

"So what are we going to eat?"

"Whatever you want to make."

I stuck out my tongue at his reply but headed for the fridge to see if he'd remembered to buy anything food wise this week or not.

* * *

A couple of hours later, when the darkness was like ink outside the living room window, I was found curled up on my father's sofa wrapped in the soft woolen throw. He nudged me gently out of the slumberous place I had sunk into. It took a while to rouse me, and even when my eyes were open, gritty and sore because I needed sleep desperately, I still wasn't quite awake. My head ached and my mouth felt as though it had been stuffed with cotton or rubbed with sandpaper. I couldn't tell which since my mouth had suffered neither, but at a guess that's how my mouth felt. However, Dad must have great foresight as he promptly produced a mug of coffee for me. Just the way I like it too. It was nice to be treated to something. But it was fair play since I had made him a version of mum's Spag Bolognese. It was no where near as good as mum's but since Dad hasn't tasted mum's in ages, he was just happy to have anyone cook for him.

I'd forgotten how much I liked being around my Dad. Sure we could have terrible tempers, though for the most part Dad will just ignore anything he doesn't like the sound of and he's often sat back when a fight is going, choosing not to take any side unless he has to.

In the background the steady beat of the Eastenders theme tune began and the map of the river Thames began to revolve on the screen.

"I missed Emmerdale and Corrie, didn't I?" I wondered groggily. I knew I had so it didn't make much sense why I had asked, but it's one of those things that slip out. It was also a way to find out what happened without seeming interested. It's not as though I'm addicted to those soaps, but at times they're much more entertaining than things like the OC, because I've grown up with those people in my life and it's a little more realistic. Well parts of it are; the rain is extremely realistic. Though two wannabe gangsters in one square seemed a little on the strange side. But British soaps are an institution.

"Wasn't that interesting anyway."

I shrugged and sipped my coffee contemplatively before sighing. "Kai said I'm abusing Gypsy."

Dad's black brows winged up over his very blue eyes. "He said that, did he? When?"

"At the Friar's Rest, shortly before you arrived."

Dad didn't seem too pleased. He sat down on the couch beside me and slung an arm along the back. "And why did he say that? Why were you two there? Is there something between you two?"

"What! No, no, nothing like that. He can barely stand me."

"What about you, can you stand him?"

"He's ok." It wasn't a gushing description that Ming-Ming could give but it said that I tolerated him. If I hated him, I'd have told Dad exactly how much. If I even liked him a little bit, I'd have ranted but there'd be a fine difference. Like how I rant about Brooklyn, it's almost affectionate when I call him a dick. I watched the fire flicker, one lonesome flame trying to gasp up as much oxygen as it could before it would dwindle before trying to burst forth once more. "Your fire's dying."

He nodded. With a groan, he urged himself to his feet and tiredly shuffled to the coal bunker. I wasn't used to seeing my Dad tired. Usually I saw him as invincible. Impeccably dressed in a tailor fitted business suit, every hair strand in relative order and a cool intelligence in his quietly confidant face. Hearing his quiet groan as he lifted the coal bunker to shake coal out onto the fire startled me and made me uneasy but it would only embarrass him if I were to say anything, so I simply ignored it.

"So Harry Potter's coming out soon?"

Was my Dad a closet Harry Potter fan? Oh god, the horror of that thought.

"I saw an add for it on the TV."

"Really?" I squirmed on my seat in excitement. I loved Harry Potter, don't know why really. There's just something about it. "I think Mariah's booking us tickets for its release date. So hopefully I'll get to see it pretty quickly."

"Mm-hmm. So why did Kai say you were abusing Gypsy?"

"Oh." Downer. "I'm… I've been scared to let Gypsy canter with me on her back. I won't even let her gallop and I'm scared to do the jumps. He said that I'm letting Gypsy go to waste. That a horse like her needs to be exercised fully with someone who appreciates her. The thing is he's right."

"You appreciate her." Dad soothed. "You just need to get over your fear."

"Yeah well that's easier said than done. But what gets me is why he… He and I don't get along Dad, and he just berated me as though I were a little child. It was humiliating."

"That's just Kai. He's a nice boy if you get to know him. He's just a bit aloof, takes a while for him to trust people."

"Yeah well I could do without his trust. He was there that day, Dad. The day Mystel…" I trailed off on a strangled whisper. I felt his hand gliding over my hair to comfort me and I said nothing as his fingers caught strands and tugged them a little too tautly.

"I know, sweetheart, I know."

"I just thought when I moved here that I could get away from all those people who'd seen me that day. That day was private; mine and now I find out that he was watching. We're not even friends and I just feel so awkward."

"Did you try extending the hand of friendship?"

"He'd bite it."

Dad chuckled and prompted a smile from me. "Probably. Don't worry too much about Kai; he's got his own demons to deal with."

I tilted my head to regard him curiously. "Like what?"

He tapped my nose. "None of your business. It's up to him if he wants you to know."

Lucky bastard gets to keep his secrets but he had to be there for mine. It was so unfair. And that comment was very childish. Kai had never approached it with me before and he'd told no one, I guess that warranted some trust. I just wish I knew where I stood with him. It was so much easier to be yourself around someone when you knew how they felt about you. It was a comfort thing.

"Fine, so do you have tickets for that dance next weekend? Mariah wants to go and I figure I could pop in for a while."

"Aye, they're in the kitchen. I'll get them for you before you leave."

"Ok, thanks dad." Snuggling into him, I smiled at Mystel who was sitting on the armchair reading the paper. To dad it would just look like the paper was lying open on the chair. Mystel only turned the page when Dad wasn't looking. The fire crackled cheerfully and the rain beat its tiny fists against the window pane but inside I felt warm and comfortable. "Hey Dad, can I stay here tonight?" I didn't really fancy going home and dealing with my friends on the internet. I just wanted to stay here, with the two most important men in my life.

I didn't hear dad's affirmative reply, I was once again soundly asleep.

* * *

**I'm so sorry for the delay. I really found this chapter hard to write and I'm still not sure on it but I really hope it's ok. But now you know what happened to Mystel. He fell off his horse, a tragic accident. Poor guy. **

**Review please and I'll try to get out chapter eight quicker. **


	8. A night to remember

Taken For Granted

**Zadien**

Chapter Eight: A night to remember

* * *

_Dedicated to Coors, hope things pick up for you soon! _

* * *

The net is a both a source of information and a dangerous back door into your life. You don't know who you could be getting involved with. On the net, you don't really have an identity so it can be easily stolen, you're just another phantom that some realize is there, while most simply don't know you exist. However, the internet has become the international playground for most teenagers. We come to the chat rooms to search for acceptance in this strange and often fickle world, we search for others like us. However what we must never forget is that not everything is as it seems. And yet despite that, I still like to believe that the people I talk to on the net are as genuine as they seem. But on saying that, I know that my friends are very different in real life than they are on the net where they don't have to hide themselves behind false masks. Maybe we can be ourselves on the net and not fear ridicule because when it comes down to it, if you don't like what someone is saying you can always block them and never hear from them again. Or that's the hope.

These thoughts always loitered in my mind as I logged onto the private chat room my friends had set up just for the three of us. I don't know how it came to be that Ash, Riley and myself became a group. We certainly don't know each other from the real world. I know we were in a chat room and most people left leaving only the three of us and we got talking, found we had a few things in common and we got along well so someone suggested we set up our own chat room to talk. We did and it's been that way for ever. Of course because Ash is a college student in Japan and Riley is in America we don't get to talk that much due to being on different time lines. However we have our moments and today was one of them.

**Ash: It is the east and Juliet is the sun, rise… yeah you get my drift.**

**Riley:Quoting Romeo and Juliet is the quickest way to an early grave. I hope for her sake she doesn't get your drift, your wooing skills need a little more refining.**

**Ash: Not really, Ember's hot for me, she just hasn't realized it.**

I rolled my eyes. Ash is… well he's a strange one. He has this belief that all women find him attractive and yet, if you ask him about his girlfriends, he'll simply change the topic and if you ask him for a picture, he gives off this aura that he doesn't really like himself or think of himself as handsome. Honestly sometimes he's an incorrigible flirt but in reality, I.e. the real world I don't think he has much luck with girls which is a shame. He's a really great guy, you can tell that from the way he talks to you. Even on the net, you get his undivided attention. If I post something, he'll reply immediately. I get distracted easily and I'll usually forget to reply but instead of pushing me for a reply, he'll wait for what I have to say. He's very cool. If he didn't live all the way over in Japan, I'd definitely be warm for his form. Unfortunately, there's an entire continent and then some between us so we settle for harmless internet flirting because we both know that there's nothing behind it.

However with Riley, it's different. He doesn't flirt with her, or not the same way. He sort of treats her like a little sister, though she's only a year younger than us. But that doesn't mean he'll give me more attention because they talk more than we do. I sometimes forget to come into the chat room and instead log onto MSN more. Since Ash doesn't like MSN, I don't get to talk to him as often.

**Ember: I'm not hot for YOU Ash, I'm just hot!**

Ha, that'll give him a moment.

**Ash: Well that's true, except you won't give me a picture of you, so I can't say whether that hotness is a physical attribute or a sexual one.**

Or not. I don't think any of us have given out any photo's, they came up and then kind of got lost in the archives somewhere. I don't see the point of photos, sure they can tell you that you're speaking to a relatively young cute guy, but then again, who's to say that's the correct photo? Photo's tell you nothing, they just say that the person looks nice but it's the personality that counts right? Besides I figure if I don't know if he's really attractive or not, then I can just continue with this playful banter and not feel guilty that I might be cheating on Mystel.

I once asked him if he thought I was cheating on him by flirting with a guy on the net but he simply laughed it off and said as long as I was simply talking and not making any plans to run away on him, then he didn't mind. He said he trusted me and how I felt for him. Though a tiny part of me was a little miffed that he wasn't even a little bit jealous, the smarter part of me was glad that he trusted me so completely. Jealousy is all well and good in small doses but who wants to be in a relationship where there's no trust and instead there are nothing but mindless accusations being flung around? Certainly not me. It's too immature and the relationship Mystel and I was anything but immature. We both took it very seriously. We didn't do on-again-off-again relationships, we didn't try to make each other jealous or be spiteful, which was good because I only had a short time with him and I'm glad it was filled with good times and happy memories.

**Riley: So what's up Ember? How was school?**

**Ember: Ah it was grand, didn't do much. I've got a history essay though, the mind boggles on what I'll come up with to make it unique. **

**Ash: What's it on?**

**Ember: The nineteen sixteen rebellion. An Irish thing that happened during world war one. They thought they could get some liberty for their country by shipping in arms and taking over the GPO but it didn't go quite the way they planned it and it was quelled and several people were killed. But it wasn't much different from any other rebellion, it was just a big deal to the Irish I guess.**

**Ash: Not a big fan of the Irish rebellions?**

**Riley: Ember's not a big fan of anything.**

**Ember: Not true, I happen to be a fan of lots of things. **

**Riley: Sure you are. Just not anything remotely patriotic.**

**Ember: Like that gets anyone anywhere. **

Why wasn't Riley in school?

Leaning back in my swivel chair, I checked the calendar. Surely she didn't have the day off school, did she?

**Ember: Why aren't you in school? **

**Ash: She's "sick"!**

**Ember: Ah… what is it? Menstrual pains? Heart Break? School photo day?**

**Riley: Ha ha… I'll have you know that I have contracted a stomach bug that's floating around the school. Half the football team have come down with it and the principal is going insane over it. Our first time in the finals for the past decade and the football team gets sick. **

**Ember: LOL.**

**Riley: Rumor has it that the food in the cafeteria caused it. Some minor form of food poisoning. **

**Ash: Now there's a place you want to dine.**

**Ember: LMAO!**

**Ash: See, I told you I was a funny guy.**

**Riley: You wish. Ember would laugh at her finger given half the chance.**

Wow, I'd really like to dispute that but the sad fact is that it's true. There has been many occasions when I have laughed at my finger and Mystel's finger and Mum's finger… yeah when I'm in a giddy mood, I find fingers funny.

**Riley: So Ash was telling me about his mystery girl. You know the one that transferred into his course from another one. **

**Ember: Oh yeah, the one who you said was fated to be with him.**

**Riley: I was drunk**

**Ember: And funny… yeah you really were drunk…**

**Riley: Haha, laugh it up finger girl.**

**Ember: Ooh, the come back of queens**

**Ash: Cat fight**

**Riley: Bitch fight, I dislike the term cat, it insinuates a lower intelligence**

**Ember: Moving on, so was she in school today?**

**Ash: College, dear child. Big boys like me go to college.**

I rolled my eyes. He's such a comedian. A shimmer caught my eye and I greeted Mystel as he sat himself down on my bed and made himself at home, or as well as he could for a dead guy… And I have to stop calling him that. It's insensitive, especially since I have a tendency to broadcast them loud and clear when I least want to.

"_So how's everyone on line?"_

"Ash still thinks he's a comedian."

He chuckled and made me smile as he pulled his leg up to his chest and sighed softly. "_So are you ready for tonight?"_

"The dinner with the Hiwatari's? Yeah… no, no I'm really not."

And that was the truth. Ever since I had stormed off on Kai, I was unwilling to talk to him or even be in the same room as him and he'd felt pretty similar. When I entered a room, he left it before I could even process that he was even there. When Nicolai gave us a job to do, we'd do it with as little conversation as possible and ignore the other's existence. It wasn't how I wanted to work, but I was loathed to apologize to him. Especially since he probably wouldn't accept it or give much of a damn about it.

When I tried telling Shahero these thoughts, she simply said I was making a mountain out of a mole hill. She said Kai could be a moody so and so but he was unlikely to hold a grudge against me when he said he knew about Mystel. Besides it was up to me to apologize and not the other way round. He hadn't been in the wrong.

Miyami said that the easiest way around Kai was to play the nervous card. If I acted like I was really worried about having upset him and if I seemed genuine with the apology, Kai wouldn't hold it over me. In fact he was more likely to just shrug it off and say no harm done. I kind of liked that idea but naturally things between me and Kai never seem to be that simple.

I'd seen him with his friends, including Mimi and he seemed like a good friend. He has a magnetic personality (Mimi's words not mine). Though I was beginning to agree with her. He didn't care what others thought of him and said what he wanted, he wasn't always nice but still, he commanded respect with his honesty and his integrity. He didn't lord himself over other students, didn't make them feel like they were lower than him, he just ignored most of them because they had nothing to do with him. However with his friends, well I'd seen him laugh with Tala. And seriously, one time when Kai laughed, the entire school just froze and there was this almighty crack as all their necks snapped to look at him. It would have been funny if my neck hadn't been so sore.

**Ash: Abby's fine. She seems to be settling in well, and she still doesn't know I'm alive. **

**Riley: Poor boy. I'm sure you'll use your undeniable charms on her sooner or later.**

**Ash:…**

**Ember: What's the … for? Dude, grow a spine!**

**Riley: Oh grow a spine, Ash!**

I burst out laughing as Riley's message showed up on the screen directly after mine. Fair enough I was quoting her, but it was amusing none the less, sometimes me and my girl could be scarily one minded at times.

**Ash: I need to find another male for this group.**

**Riley: No seriously, Ash, just ask the girl out. You never know, she could be completely into you and you're acting like you don't like her.**

**Ash: It's easier that way. **

**Riley: You like her. It's as simple as that. If you don't make a move, what's she supposed to do? Wait around for you? I like you but I swear to god, you can be so bloody hard headed. **

**Ember: Have you thought about just getting to know her first of all? You seem like you're worried about her not liking your or not knowing you exist. If you're her friend then she'll have to acknowledge you and you can find out that way if you two have anything in common.**

**Riley: Exactly, and before you know, hey presto, you're all loved up.**

**Ash:Or she'll only see me as a friend and then where will we be? I'll be standing on the side lines watching her with other guys. **

**Ember:growls: ASH! C'mon. You're a great guy, she'll be able to see that. Hey maybe if you get to know her, she'll not be as formidable as she seems. She could have really disgusting habits.**

**Ash: Disgusting no, but she does have a foul temper.**

**Riley: Should suit you then nii-chan. You can be pretty moody when you want to be.**

Damn straight, I thought with a scowl. I'd been on the receiving end of his temper a couple of weeks ago and it hadn't been pretty. It didn't help that I was already pissed at Kai for his attitude towards me that day and then to have Ash be a moody bugger, well it hadn't been good. However I suppose it was worse for Riley because she was the one stuck in the middle of the whole deal.

**Ash: I guess. She won't see it like that.**

**Riley: Look, nii-chan. Just make a move. Besides girls and boys can't be friends platonically. Something always interferes.**

I stared at the screen for a few minutes, then shook my head.

**Ember: Bullshit! I have a friend who's male and I don't see him as anything but a friend or a brother figure.**

**Riley: First of all, your first boyfriend was who exactly?**

I slumped. Well bugger, there goes that argument.

**Em:Alright, but Mystel was a… well that was different. **

**Riley:Sure. Whatever. And your male friend, well you see him as a brother figure so to form a relationship with him would be incestuous, either that or he's ugly and you're not attracted to him. :P**

**Em:Your power with words astounds me. He's not ugly. He's so far from being ugly. **

**Ash: I'm getting jealous here.**

**Em:p Get over it. I said he was my friend, nothing more, certainly nothing less. But I suppose Riley has a good point. The other guys I'm friends with, well I'm just not attracted to them. But I know of instances where one of the friends always gets attached, so maybe it is impossible unless there are some sibling emotions there.**

**Ash: That was almost philosophical. **

**Em:Bite me.**

**Ash: Where?**

**Em:Weasel!**

**Riley:… I think I'm going to be sick. Do you want me to leave you guys alone?**

**Ash: Sorry Ry, but I have to go. I have some work to do so I'll chat to you later, maybe in a couple of hours.**

**Riley:Ok, I'll see you then.**

**Ash:Ember, enjoy your night.**

**Em:Not going to happen Ash, satan's spawn is coming for dinner!**

**Riley: Aw poor you. Pity he has to be so attractive, ne Emmy-chan? If he was ugly, you'd probably hold a grudge better?**

**Em:Screw you!**

**Ash:As much as the thought of that turns me on, I'm going to go. Nite Ember, Ry.**

Ash logged out and soon enough Riley announced that she had to go to the shops which is strange because as far as I know, she lives with her father in this big mansion style house with servants to boot (the mind simply boggles at that thought) but she still does normal teenage things. She just gets to do them in sleek shiny car. Even though we decided not to share photos, that didn't stop her form sending me an email with her brand new baby in it.

I entered my address page and began to scan through emails that I would read and ones that I would delete. Mainly forwards that involved wishes because I didn't believe in them.

"_Can you put some music on or something?"_

I didn't bother to sigh as I loaded up Windows Media player despite being pulled away from an email to do so, I knew how hard it was for Mystel to ask for this sort of stuff. I continuously forgot how boring it must be for him having nothing to do. I didn't have the TV on while I was on the computer because I got so involved in the forums and the active conversations that I just forgot about it not being on. But while I was doing that, Mystel was generally just twiddling his thumbs and waiting for me to acknowledge him again. Sometimes I wish I could gather the courage to tell him that I didn't need him anymore so that he could go on to the next place, but I just wasn't that selfless.

Pathetic, huh?

"So what do you want to listen to?"

"_Got anything new?"_ He shifted on the bed but the bed springs didn't groan. To exist without existing, that would have to be the strangest feeling, almost a punishment I suppose. And it was to a degree, a punishment he didn't deserve but he once said that because I could talk to him and see him, that it wasn't anything like a punishment but a reward. He's a corny bugger, but I still love him.

"Um…" I scanned my playlist. "Well, I got that Hoobastank song again, you know the one, Out of control?"

He nodded with a soft smile. We'd listened to that song for the first time just before he died. He'd even tried to master it on his guitar but couldn't quite get it. However I suppose with time he probably would have.

"Do you miss not being able to play your guitar?"

"_I guess. I miss a lot of things. Not having a corporeal form makes life a little dull. I can't do much, can't touch anything, it gets pretty boring. But in return I can watch people doing the strangest things without them knowing I'm there, which is fun. Be more fun if I were a pervert."_

I chuckled. Only Mystel would lament the fact that he wasn't a pervert. "Well that's not necessarily true. I mean I've seen you do some crazy shit, Mysty. What about when you made the curtains close or the glass fall and stuff, and that magazine at Dad's? You just have to want it bad enough."

"_I blew the page over."_ He said with a shrug as though that were the most common thing in the world.

A knock at the door made me jolt as though I'd never heard the strange sound before in my life. Before I could call out an 'enter' or a 'come in', the door opened and Mum popped her head in. When she caught sight of me she frowned. Well it would have been worse if she had come in while I was naked or just in my undies!

"_Hey Treasa."_ Mystel greeted automatically. He knows she can't hear him but that doesn't stop him from greeting her. The first couple of weeks after he had reappeared in his ghostly form had been funny though. I'd be lying in bed and he'd lie down beside me in a strange attempt to offer me comfort and Mum would come in and poor Mystel would roll out of bed so fast that I was sure that Mum would hear the bump. But she didn't. Which is just very strange.

"Amber." her frown deepened as she swept her eyes over me.

"Yeah?"

"Why aren't you dressed?"

Slowly I looked down at myself, envisioning myself to be in one of those dreams where you just suddenly realize that you're naked and your classmates are laughing at you. Not that I've ever had one of those dreams in my life, which is bizarre, but I've heard of them on TV. It must be an American thing. But I wasn't naked. Oh no. I was still in my school uniform but I'd jazzed it up with black and purple stripy knee socks and black suede, flat soled boots.

"I am dressed, mother."

Her gaze darkened in the typical mother expression of 'I am not amused'. Shit.

Suddenly her expression shifted to tired pleading. "Amber, please. Just change into something nice. I thought that was why you were coming up here. Have you been on the computer this entire time?"

I winced and nodded guiltily.

"Amber…" Then her eyes roamed over the rest of my room and she closed her eyes as though grasping the last of her patience in her hand. "And are you going to clean this room?"

"Considering I have no plans to bring Hiwatari up to my room, no I don't think so."

Mum simply shook her head in exasperation. "Put on something nice and come down and help me with the dinner. Shahero is already dressed and she had hockey practice."

"Yes mother, I know." I grumbled but I didn't care if I seemed childish but hey, I had friends I wanted to talk to. Besides, did I look like someone who wanted to dress up for Hiwatari… Actually yeah, I kind of did. Not because I liked him or anything even close but he sees me every day in my school uniform and then again in dung smeared jeans, it would just be nice to be seen in something that is actually clean for a change.

"Right now get ready." With that she shut the door after giving my room another brief sweep of her gaze.

Sighing I flopped onto the bed, or onto Mystel's lap if I was being accurate. He ran his ghostly fingers through my hair and feeling the strands separate and glide against one another caused a shiver to run down my spine as my scalp tingled.

"_You should get changed like your mother asked."_ he whispered hoarsely.

Glancing up, I noted the glimmer of sorrow in his eyes, the sad expression on his face. Swallowing the rising lump in my throat, I pushed away and crossed to the wardrobe hoping I seemed casual. I scanned the contents of my wardrobe and sighed. I didn't want to wear jeans, I was always wearing jeans at the stables. But my wardrobe didn't hold much else. A few good suit trousers for when I used to go to church back when Mystel had been alive. One skirt that I didn't wear. The plastic bag that held my prom dress from last year. It would be coming around once again and I wondered would I be invited. If Mariah and Mattie had boyfriends then I doubted it. Unless Claude invited me and that would be strange because we weren't exactly friends per se, we just had Mattie in common and since she wasn't even dating him anymore… well yeah we didn't even have that anymore.

It's funny how things change in such a short span of time. This time last year I had been planning what I was going to do for Halloween with Mariah and Mystel at my side. Then suddenly Mystel was gone and instead of having Mariah at my side, I had Shahero and Miyami, who came with the added bonus of four others. Then there was Tala and on the other side Ruin who were like two sides of a coin. Both capable of great coldness but at the same time both could be very compassionate and caring. It was just shown in different ways. Ruin was subtler with her emotions and her actions. Tala was very obvious. If you were his friend he showed people that in a very open way but if he didn't like you, that became no secret.

A soft hiss alerted me to the heavens opening above me and the rain that was now pelting against the roof. Looking out at the darkening sky and the mist that had descended from the moor, I pulled out a pair of bootleg jeans that had silver stars embroidered on them; a black tank top with a blood red rose imprinted on it and my faithful sneakers. The house was warm enough that I didn't really need a jacket but I grabbed my denim one off the door anyway. No doubt mum would tell me to wear a better jacket but meh, I needed to have some of myself in me.

As I pulled on my outfit, I got a nasty surprise. "It shrunk!"

Mystel chuckled. "_Well it's not that bad really."_

"Mystel, it shrunk." I tugged at the bottom of my black top and whimpered pitifully. My tank top now rested several centimeters above my navel and with my jeans being low cut… I stomped my foot for emphasis and growled. Marching to the door and slinging it open, I strode over to Shahero's door and whipped it open.

Shahero looked up from where she was sitting strumming her guitar on the bed. "What's wrong with you?"

I motioned to my top. "I need a top, mine has shrunk."

Shahero gave me a blank look. "What's wrong with it?"

I plucked at the hem nervously. "I don't feel comfortable wearing something that shows so-"

"Oh for gods sake Amber you're hardly fat, it would be different if you had a pudgy tummy or something."

I rolled my eyes. "That's not what I'm talking about." She raised her eyes to the ceiling and put her guitar away. Rolling off the side of the bed, she padded to the wardrobe. She was wearing a Chinese style dress, a rounded collar that closed around her throat, an oriental style pattern in powder blue against the navy silk. The sleeves were short and tight around her upper arm while the skirt was pencil straight with slits on the side to allow her free movement. It was an interesting look for someone who's so vehemently a tomboy. Her black hair fell in a inky curtain down past her shoulders with half of it pulled back into a chignon held in place with black chopsticks. She looked feminine and almost delicate and yet, she was still Shahero.

"What's with the get up?"

"It was either this or a Kimono." Shahero muttered shortly. "Dad heard your mother telling us to dress up and suggested I wear something smart. Since he knew I only had jeans and tracky's, he brought me this."

"It's not very Japanese."

"Nope, but my mum wore dresses like this sometimes when they went out. I guess he saw it and thought I'd like it."

"Nice."

She nodded, continuing to look through her wardrobe. Finally she called out an 'A-ha' and then turned around with a burnt orange three quarter length top with a black embroidered dragon curled along the front.

"What do you think of this?"

"Nice but too casual next to you, I think."

"Um, how about…" She sighed and began to hunt through her stuff again. "I'm no good at this. Mimi's the fashion queen of the group."

I can't believe I'm so shallow. I never really think much of those girls who turn up to the cinema in short jeans and pink wellington boots. Yet here I am, wanting to look good for a family meal. I'm such a hypocrite.

Shahero finally turned around and produced a blue cropped tank top and a thin, paler blue, short-sleeved jacket. "What do you think? It should bring out those blue lights in your hair…" she trailed off on a sheepish laugh when I raised a brow. "I heard Miyami say something like that, it sounded ok when she said it."

I scanned it and deemed it worthy. "Yeah I like it. It's casual smart, shows I made some sort of effort but I can be comfortable in it. And I need to be comfortable." I added on a side note.

"What's your problem with Kai?"

I shrugged. "I dunno, he just puts me on edge."

"Well don't let him, he's just a guy and a harmless one at that. There are worse guys at our school than Kai. He's just moody, don't let that intimidate you. The thing to remember with Kai is that no matter how evilly he looks at you, he'd never physically harm a girl and that's all you have to worry about. He won't lower himself to insult anyone and he definitely won't spread rumors so he's a piss poor enemy to have but a bloody brilliant ally for some reason."

"Aye, I get that. I'd rather be on his side than not." Then again, I sort of was. I had befriended his two best friends so, that kind of put us on the same side. With those thoughts in mind, I grabbed the clothes and headed back to my room.

* * *

Just because I felt a little reassured didn't mean that when the doorbell rang that I didn't tense. And when I heard his voice in the hall greeting my mother, I ground my teeth. Especially when mum laughed and said something about him being well mannered. Those manners never seem to find their way to your daughter, mum! Of course mum thinks I exaggerate when I try to tell her how much Kai hates me. She says I draft up a new person to hate me every so often, but that's not true. I have Brooklyn, I don't need anymore people to fight with… though the fighting with Brooklyn, (argh, Dicklyn!) has been seriously lacking. I must pick a fight with him again.

I slouched down in the sofa and watched the flickers of various programs as Shahero speedily changed through them. _Neighbours_ was on, the Weakest Link, a local news program, a chat show, a cop show, _Neighbours _again, and an Irish TV show.

"I thought he was dead." Shahero commented idly as she lingered on _Neighbours _for a few moments.

"Nah, they thought he was but he came back."

"Oh, yeah that would make sense. I haven't seen it in ages."

"Aye but it gets dull after a while. We should get Sky."

Shahero thought about that for a moment and then nodded. "Yeah for Christmas."

I was beginning to like that idea. I always watched it when I was over at Mystel's house. We'd watch the sports channel if there was ice hockey. Sky Movie Max for the latest movie that we missed at the cinema or wanted to watch again. Nickelodeon for whatever cartoon that struck our fancy. For a while it was Sailor Moon that drove him insane because he couldn't stand it but there were naked girls (though he didn't really like cartoon nakedness since it wasn't quite realistic and if it was, it was vulgar… See no wonder girls don't understand guys).

"Amber?"

I huffed out a breath. "What?"

"Could you come in here for a second?"

"No…" I mumbled and Shahero snickered. It's ok for her, she's not the one with a problem with Hiwatari or who was called into the kitchen where all the grown ups are gathered in that initial awkward 'unsure of where they should be' phase. "Right, be there in in a second."

Rolling off the couch, I headed into the kitchen straightening my outfit and making a conscious decision not to look at Kai as soon as I went in. On the radio in the kitchen, Kelly Clarkson was singing about how she could breathe now someone was gone. Which was nice for her because I couldn't quite catch my breath! How was I supposed to know that Hiwatari would have arranged it so that he'd be the first person I'd see as soon as I entered the kitchen! It wasn't fair. And the worst part was that he looked oh so good. Black was so his colour. A black shirt with thin almost non existent white vertical stripes that was open at the neck showing off a heavy silver linked chain. Black trousers and shoes finished off the ensemble but I didn't really notice them, I just knew that the rest of him was dressed in black too. His hair looked as though someone had raked their fingers through it, the light blue catching the light and being set off by the dark. He'd scored a razor through his left eye brow so a clean line could be seen slash through it. A glint of a blue stud in his ear twinkled in the light before dimming as he shifted subtly.

It may have only taken me a few seconds to take him in but it certainly seemed longer. It seemed so long that I blushed and quickly ducked my head. I really, really need to stop noticing this guy.

Of course, I needed to notice the other guy much quicker. "Did you get adopted or something?"

"Not that I know of." Came the very cool reply.

"Ok, well this a Hiwatari, Benson-Kaeto dinner. Hey Nicolai, Jean." I greeted the other two adults who were talking to mum, but both acknowledged me with a smile. Nice people. Now I turned back to the stranger in the kitchen. The '_one of these people just ain't like the other_' song from Sesame street was playing in my head, or I think it came from Sesame street, it's been years since I saw that show. I don't even think it's shown on TV anymore, or if it is, it's on too early for me. "So are you a Hiwatari, a Benson or a Kaeto?"

"None of the above." Tala replied lifting his hand to cuff me around the ear.

I shied away. "Oi! Do you know how long it takes to straighten this mop?" Actually it doesn't take that long, but how's he to know? His hair is like… strange! What with the two individual wings that frame his head. Completely unique, completely gorgeous. And those eyes, I really liked his eyes. He wore a white and blue striped shirt and jeans, thankfully, so I didn't feel too out of it. We kind of matched.

"You cut your hair."

I whipped my head up to stare at Kai. It's still very odd to hear his voice. It's not like it's a horrible voice, it's actually the type of voice that if it came from a guy on an anime, I'd go gooey but it's just that Kai never really speaks around me unless he has to, so when he blurts out something… well that's exactly how it sounds, like he's blurting it out. Like he can't help but say it. I kind of like that, at least I know he doesn't plan what he says like some guys do with pick up lines. Even if I don't like what he says, at least it's honest. However at the same time, he doesn't sound goofy when he blurts things out, he sounds calm and in control of the situation. See, he's a complete contradiction!

"Uh yeah." I fingered my recently shorn locks, they now had that crisp edge all newly cut hair has. I just got it shaped, and some was taken off the length so it suited me better. It wasn't particularly short but it was framed around my face so it looked that way from the front but it could still be tied back. Of course by doing this, I inadvertently caused all attention to focus on my eyes which are already far too big for my face so… yeah not the smartest idea I've had.

"When did you do that?" Tala asked reaching out to run his hand through my hair, snagging a few strands as he did so which stung.

"Um, Saturday evening after work."

"Yeah you had your hair tied back." Tala surmised his reasoning for not noticing. Actually that's kind of interesting because none of my friends noticed I'd cut my hair, or if they did, they didn't say anything. But Kai and Tala did, strange. Maybe guys aren't that dumb after all.

Mum turned away from Jean and Nicolai, ordering them to have a seat in the lounge while she finishes off dinner. "Amber, could you get some refreshments for our guests?" she asked once they had headed out the Kitchen.

Why me? Shahero lives here too. Pfft, the guests could get themselves something. "Like what?" I asked and didn't bother to hide the disgust in my tone.

"Go and ask."

"Why didn't you ask them when they were in here?"

"Amber, sometimes I despair of you."

Meh, that wasn't a big surprise. I wasn't exactly the ideal daughter. I didn't much care that I wasn't either, though mum probably would have been better having a daughter more like my cousin Tiffany. She was all makeup and boys and perfect etiquette.

Sighing heavily, I pushed away from the counter and walked into the good sitting room where Nicolai and Jean were talking to Hiroshi. When I asked them what drinks they wanted, Hiroshi said he'd serve them from the mini bar in the good sitting room. So I headed for the living room where the boys must have been. Shahero was slumped in front of the couch, a playstation controller in her hands while her thumbs worked on overdrive to keep her car in front of Tala's. He was sitting on the couch, leaning forward as though that helped him have more control over his car, a viper it seemed while Shahero was driving a Mercedes. Beside Tala, Kai sat thumbing through a magazine while looking up every so often to comment on Tala's inferior driving skills.

On the stereo Bullet for My Valentine was finishing up their song '_Ten years today_' which was a stark contrast to the Kelly Clarkson in the kitchen. I stood there in the doorway for a couple of minutes before I realized how ridiculous it would look should any of them catch me and I didn't want them thinking I was nervous of being around Kai. I'm not. And this is my house. Why should I be nervous in my house?

With that in mind, and needing to do something before I chickened out, I walked over to the couch and dropped down on it (making sure there was enough space because I did not want to land on Hiwatari's lap).

"Hey Kai, how're you?" Best offense is to be bold and confident and unsettle your opponent.

"Not so bad, how's yourself?"

God, could he sound any more like an automaton? "I'm good. How's Jack?"

"He's fine." he answered slowly, almost suspiciously. Yes because any minute now I'm going to produce a picture of Jack gagged and bound with a picture of today's newspaper… Man, do I seem like a suspicious person with ulterior motives?

"What the hell kind of music is that?"

I managed to cover up my laugh at the almost horrified tone Kai used as he referred to the strange harpsichord music that belted out of the speakers directly after the Bullet for My Valentine. It was amusing, seriously. Kai says nothing about screaming vocals and ripping electric chords and some instrumental music comes out and Kai is appalled… well actually yeah I could understand his shock, but not the revulsion. I happen to like that song, or would that be tune.

Tala and Shahero both pointed to me without even taking their eyes off the screen. "Oh go crash!" I growled before turning back to Kai who was watching me with those very dark eyes and a raised blue brow, waiting for an explanation.

"It's from Final fantasy, I happen to like that sort of music. It's soothing."

"She wants Enya stuff too." Shahero added.

"Linkin Park and Enya…" Tala drawled, "That's eclectic Benny."

"What can I say, I'm quirky." I use that excuse far too often for my own good.

"Try weird." Kai muttered.

"Says Sir Broods-a-lot in the corner. Crack a smile Kai, or would your face crumble?"

"I smile." came his low, quiet reply.

"Yeah dead people smile." I retorted softly but the comment might have been funnier if he had a clue that one of the songs on my playlist from FFX was called dead people smile. Yeah that come back was crap and I had the nerve to criticize Riley. Bad me!

At his sharp look I shook my head. "Look, I only came to ask if you wanted a drink or anything."

"No."

Asshole. "Tala?"

"No thanks."

Well that made my job easier, but I had no clue how I was going to survive this entire dinner because Kai was as interesting as a wet blanket and Tala and Shahero were staying out of what they called 'our domestic'.

* * *

The meal passed relatively quickly and without any dramas simply because our attention was concentrated on the food on our plates. The only comments passed were on how good the food was with Mum and Hiroshi both acting modest and the like. Mum had organized the seating so that she sat at the head of the table with Hiroshi at the other end. Jean sat on mum's left with Tala squeezed between her and Shahero and I had the pleasure of being sandwiched between the Hiwatari men.

And did I think this was a just a coincidence? No! On the bright side that meant I didn't have to talk to Kai and Tala was directly in front of me. I just had to keep my gaze straight ahead and ignore the guy to my left. Not as easy as it sounds. Kai has a presence, it forces you to at least be aware of him at all times. He didn't even do anything to warrant me to acknowledge him and yet, I was fully conscious that he was there. Scary huh?

"_How easy would it be to start a food fight?_"

Aw crap! I jolted in my seat and my head snapped up to regard Mystel. He was standing behind Tala and examining the food with a critical eye. He always liked food. Which was something of a miracle since he never gained any weight despite eating quite a lot but I suppose he ate balanced meals and exercised away the calories and stuff.

Maybe I should take up running in the morning's before school. That would help me keep healthy and I wouldn't gain weight, not that I gain much but I'm entering those years where your metabolism slows down.

Mariah told me that after you reach twenty you start getting wrinkles so she's starting to use anti wrinkle cream. Mattie says that's stupid and she's waiting till she's at least twenty before she gets stuff because there will be new breakthroughs in the dermatological field. I on the other hand think they're both barmy and I plan to grow old gracefully… or naturally anyway.

_Don't. Leave his food alone._

"_Well it's not like he cares. He has enough green beans in his napkin to start a bean weapon factory._"

_Really? _"Hey, Tala you've eaten all your green beans already? Wow, you must really like them."

Tala looked up as though he'd been shot before he darted a wary glance at my mother. Offering her a winsome smile, he turned back to me. "Yeah, they're were really nice."

"Have some more if you want Tala?" Mum offered.

_Mystel leave the napkin alone! _

"Uh, no thanks Mrs. Benson. I'm stuffed."

"_Aw, gee, I guess he won't be having any of your mum's chocolate pudding._"

"You sure Tala?"

"Yeah Tala, a healthy growing boy like you needs to eat his greens."

A sound from my left caught my attention and Kai began to cough but as I looked closer I realized that he was laughing, or at least was amused. Did he know what happened to Tala's poor green beans? Possibly. Yeah probably, they'd been friends since they were young. So did that mean Jean and Nicolai knew? A quick look at them told me they were none the wiser and were quite content to continue their conversations about interesting things like flowers and cars.

I hissed as a pain exploded in my ankle. Ouch! That bleeding well hurt. I looked up and glowered at Tala who was looking pointedly at me. None of the grownups were aware of the action but Shahero and Kai had both picked up on my little gasp of pain.

"So, Kai are you going to fix it or just sell the car?"

I looked from Shahero to Kai and still had no idea what they were talking about.

"Kai's car was kicked over the weekend." Tala shone a light on my confusion.

"Kicked? As in physically kicked with a foot?" I blinked in surprise. Kai simply nodded. "What happened? Did someone mistake it for a giant football, because it is kind of bubble shaped."

Kai sighed heavily. I bet by now he's fed up with me criticizing his car. I do it quite often and vocally too every time I see it. "My car is not bubble shaped."

"It's round and it's… spherical, therefore bubble." Not the smartest theory but it's true. His car is this bubble shaped menace that guzzles petrol like permanently sober men guzzle beer to drown their sorrows.

He stared at me for half a beat and I was sure he was going to reply before he took a cleansing breath and uttered the dreaded word: "Whatever."

"So who kicked it?"

"D'you know Sam McGlinchy?

"Shit, jeez that guy? He's a piece of crap but I wouldn't have thought he'd have the balls to do that." Shahero shook her head as disbelief warred with disdain.

"He's got a grudge against Kai."

"_Imagine that._"

I grunted, agreeing with Mystel's comment. Kai was rather defensive and rude, no wonder the guy didn't like him. Though to go as far as kicking in his car, well that was taking things too far.

"Why, what d'you do to him?"

Kai shook his head. "Nothing much. The guy just doesn't like me. He's a fucked up piece of shit."

I got to my feet and lifted my plate, idly listening to how the others were discussing Kai's kicked in doors. I didn't have anything I could add to the conversation, I didn't know this boy or his motives behind kicking Kai's car doors in but I figured that even with motives, it was a shitty thing to do. After all, Kai would have to pay for the damage if this Sam McGlinchy wasn't. It wasn't very fair but then who wanted to be fair?

I grabbed the other finished plates including Tala's and his napkin which I was careful with. It would do no good for the hidden beans to jump out now would it? I noted the empty glasses and sauce bottles I would have to come back for before I headed into the kitchen leaving the others to their conversations.

The kitchen was dark as I entered but I knew my way to the sink, so dumping them in carefully, I clicked on the small fluorescent lights under the cupboards. Their soft light lit up the kitchen but not in that stark way that makes you shield your eyes. Though I didn't like doing the dishes, there was something comforting about doing it. Sure this is my home, but with people in it, I just felt like being on my own for a little while.

However a soft sound behind me told me I wasn't about to be alone much longer. I glanced over my shoulder and acknowledged Kai with a nod.

"Where should I put the sauce?" he asked as he placed the glasses he had towered upon each other onto the table.

"Ah, just put it on the counter. You shouldn't be doing that anyway, you're a guest." I elaborated when his eyes seemed to harden.

He rolled his shoulders. "I always help out at home, it's just a habit."

"I've never seen you do the dishes."

An almost smile flickered on his lips, I swear it did. It wasn't my imagination. "That's because you're there."

I gave my head a shake to dislodge a pesky strand of hair. With my hands in the suds, I was reluctant to touch my hair. Some stupid idea from my childhood made me phobic about touching my hair with dirty water. "That sounds vaguely sexist to me."

"As long as it's vague." he quipped back lightly.

I cast him a surprised look. Had Mystel possessed him? Nope, because there was Mystel hovering in the hallway with an equally bewildered expression. Why was Kai… flirting with me? Nah, not flirting but being friendly when for the past couple of… well ok, ever since I met him, he'd been nothing but hostile… no that's not true. Kai has his good moments and his bad ones, he just seems to be see-sawing between moods. Well since he's in a good mood and all…

"Uh, while I've got you on your own-" I broke off on a chuckle when his brow rose with intrigue, "I just wanted to apologize for my reaction that day in the Friars Rest. I know you were only worried about Gypsy and I appreciate that." I shifted to face him because I needed to see his face for this. "I'm just… I'm scared and I don't want to punish her for that so… could you exercise her for me?" I blurted out the words in a big rush and hoped he had heard it.

"No."

I blinked. No? He said no? Why? I stared at him. Maybe he didn't hear me. "No? But…"

"No, I won't exercise her for you, Amber." A slight shiver went down my spine at him speaking my name for the first time, he tends not to use it. Then again there was something strange about him using that name, like it wasn't supposed to come from his mouth or be used with that tone. Strange.

"But why?" If he cared about Gypsy then why wasn't he willing to help?

He gave me a pointed look but there was a certain patience to him. Did wine make him mellow? I'd have to ask Tala to see, or maybe someone slipped him a sedative when he wasn't looking. "Because you're perfectly capable of exercising her yourself."

"But I can't jump, Kai." I really couldn't, I just… no.

"You don't know that unless you try. You could build up to it."

"But what if I fall while trying?"

"What if you go out onto the street and get knocked down? Look, I know your boyfriend was a good jumper but what happened to him was a freak accident."

"A freak accident that could just as easily happen to me. I don't want to die Kai, I have so much I want to do."

"And you're scared to do it." He pointed out levelly. Which wasn't fair, here I was freaking out and he's Mr. Joe Cool! Didn't he understand, I was scared stiff of hurting myself. People could end up paralyzed or worse. I'd seen it happen on the news and the telly.

"_That's true but you have been jumping for years and nothing's happened yet."_

_Yet! Ooh, I love that word._

"_Not what I meant._"

"Look, work up to it. Talk to Dad. I'm sure he'll tell you to just go slowly. If you don't feel ready to jump then just take her around the arena on a leash so she can at least do some jumps. She's a good horse, don't let her suffer."

I rolled my shoulders uncomfortably. It was embarrassing to think that I had never really thought of that idea and it was a good one. She wouldn't be doing the jumps at the usual speed that I would take her round and she would be working those muscles. It would have to do for the time being since I really wasn't ready to really ride just yet. Maybe I never would be and I might have to give up. I just wasn't ready to sacrifice that just yet.

"I guess I can do that. Why're you helping me Kai?"

He pushed away from the table to come to stand by the counter beside me, back to it with his arms shoved in his pockets. "You're a good rider. It'd be a shame to see you quit. Besides, you can keep Mingin' off my back."

"Ah so you're only doing this for selfish reasons?" I teased lightly; refusing to be touched by his casual words.

He smirked and there was something non-malicious to it, just a little amused, it could even have been seen as a smile for someone who didn't smile lightly. "Of course."

I rolled my eyes. Well I could say something for the guy. When he was in a good mood, he was actually quite likeable. Though why he was being so nice now I wasn't sure, but I wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth. "You're a funny guy, Kai, how come you hide it all the time?"

He shrugged. "Am I? I never really thought about it."

"Well you are, which is good thing, so don't worry about it. It's not as though anyone thinks you're Chuckles the Clown."

"Now that would be a reputation to live up to."

I had to smile at that. The dry sarcasm dripped off his words but it wasn't offensive. As I placed the last dish onto the rack to dry, I began to dry off my hands. "You'd look great with a red nose, really fashionable."

"I could start a trend."

"You could. If you wore a red nose to school, people would do it too. You're just that influential." at his steady look, I flushed. Motor mouth Amber strikes again. I'd never really babbled in front of Kai before, I kind of just remained sharp and sarcastic and there I was talking to him like he was Tala or someone who would excuse my stupid comments as me just being quirky. "Well maybe if it was for comic relief. Then it wouldn't be so weird."

"Hmm."

I glanced up to gauge his reaction just as he looked down at me. That stray lock of hair fell into my face again but before I could reach up to brush it away, Kai beat me to it. His fingers brushed my skin and I bit my tongue in reaction, not hard just a knee jerk reaction to get some control on my self because my knees had melted and I felt unbearably hot. Damn!

A tingle shot through me at the intensity in those very dark eyes and my heart jolted as my throat closed up. I felt the whip of desire lash through me, quick and strong. My skin buzzed and my hair stood on end. Oh crap.

As though sensing the inner turmoil inside me, Kai's beautiful brown eyes flared. Oh bugger. I felt my lips begin to burn and tighten and in reaction, I wet them with the tip of my tongue realizing just seconds after what I had done. His eyes lowered to follow the action. Shit.

Well if he wasn't aware of my attraction to him before, he certainly was now. And the shitty thing was that when his eyes came back to mine as though he could read everything I was thinking there, I wanted him to kiss me. I just wanted to feel those lips on mine. They looked so soft and strong and his hair was so full, I wanted to bury my fingers in it.

_Ding Dong_.

We both froze and my gaze snapped to the front door. Who uses the front door? Unclenching my fists, I pushed away from the counter and more so away from Kai. I didn't bother to announce that I would get the door, to be honest, I didn't trust my voice and oh god, what was I thinking?

I guess I missed being kissed and held. It'd been so long and I liked the feeling Mystel gave me whenever he touched me because I knew it was his way of showing me he cared. But that was Mystel.

If I kissed Kai, it wouldn't be the same. Sure he might be a good kisser, but the emotions wouldn't be there. And that's not what I want. I just had a weak moment. Kai's a guy and I'm ok to look at, it was just something that could be forgotten. I just hoped it wouldn't affect our relationship because, he's an alright guy. Just a little moody, that's all but underneath he's genuine. I could see myself being his friend. In fact I kind of wanted to be.

With that thought planted firmly in my mind, I unlocked the front door and opened it slightly expecting to see a ticket seller or a lost tourist. And oh boy was this guy lost. He wasn't a tourist but he damn well was lost. What was he doing here? Unable to say anything, I just stared at his tall, burly silhouette.

"Who is it, honey?" Mum's voice broke me out of my stupor.

"It's… Bryan."

* * *

**I know that was short but well, I just figured it would be good to stop it there. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'll try to get the next one out soon but I can't promise anything. I just update when I'm allowed on the net. **


	9. Battle of the sexes

**Disclaimer**: _I don't own Beyblade.__I don't own Eastenders or HollyOaks or any of their characters, nor do I own Chad Michael Murray. I also don't own Carmello, it's a product of Cadbury's._

* * *

Chapter Nine: Battle of the sexes

"Hey, Amber, you heading to History?" Ming-Ming asked as she breezed into the locker room where I was changing my books for my morning classes.

"Yeah, the second bell is about to go so the assembly should be finishing up."

Each morning a different year has assembly from 20 past nine to a half nine. Usually the other students head to class at 20 past to be sitting in their seats with their books out for a half nine, of course you can guess that no one does that. They actually take the 20 past bell for a warning and the second bell for the 'you're really late, so get your butt moving' alarm. However, for students like myself who have their first class in the assembly area on certain days, we have to wait for the assembly to finish before we can get to class. The teachers like us to be waiting for the assembly to finish so we can be on time, however Mr. Balkov doesn't like students loitering outside the assembly area in case we distract the students. However it's October and it's not particularly warm, so I usually head to the canteen and leave just before second bell to change my books and go to class.

"Well just wait a few seconds and I'll come with you."

I nodded, shutting my locker and walking round to her side. Inside her locker door were tons of pictures and cut outs of famous celebrities -mostly male- and a few stickers of stars and hearts. The books were in an untidy pile with covers bent and spines missing their coverings.

"So did you get those notes written out?"

"Yuppies. Pretty tough going though, some of those paragraphs were hard to shorten, so much information and everything."

"Yeah. Oh and how did your meal with Kai go?"

"It wasn't a meal with just Kai, his parents were there too. And it was grand, a bit awkward but it seemed to go ok. Ended early though because my cousin from Dublin turned up."

"Wow, he just showed up out of the blue?"

"Yeah and not for a visit. He's all packed and stuff, and he says he's only here for a few days but I saw his stuff, he's packed for good."

"Holy hell. Who is it anyway?"

"Bryan. And he won't tell us why he's here. Mum and I tried asking but he just shrugged the questions off. Just asked mum if it was ok for him to stay and she said it was fine. I figure Nana will question him later."

"Wow, jeez, you're family is weird."

I chuckled. "No kidding. So are you all good to go?"

With a bob of her head, she closed her locker and slung her bag over her shoulder as we headed out of the locker room and into the relatively silent lobby area, also known as the shamrock area because of its shape. A few students walked in from outside and I waved to Johnny as he passed, but he didn't notice. He was too busy talking to some blue haired guy, Kane, I think.

The air was cool and the light gloomy as a thick smear of grey clouds blocked out the sunlight that could be seen as a golden glow along the horizon. Students in clusters walked down from the canteen and turned onto the walkway heading towards the main teaching block, grabbing their bags from the pile by the gateway. Ahead of us, I caught sight of Kai and Tala talking in very serious tones while Ozuma and Rei hovered beside them in an anxious manner.

Beside them another group of boys passed and turned towards us. Daichi and Tyson in the midst of them. Both boys caught sight of me and as they passed, they grabbed my hand and pumped it heartily.

As they walked away, I turned to Ming-Ming who looked as bemused as I felt. "What was that about?"

"I have no idea. Third years are strange."

"No kidding." I replied but I was already walking purposely towards Daichi's older half brother, Ozuma. The product of aunty Aubrey's first marriage. It turned out bad but she always said that she couldn't really regret it because it brought her Ozuma and in turn that sort of led her to Seth. Seth and Ozuma formed a strange bond when Ozuma was just an infant, when he first came to Ireland with Aubrey and moved into the house that Seth rented out to people. Seth would baby-sit Ozuma while Aubrey went to work since she worked nights. Despite being attracted to Seth, she couldn't afford to have a relationship and she didn't want to make the same mistakes, but because Ozuma had warmed so much to Seth, almost looking at him as his father, Aubrey had thrown caution to the wind. They had this whirlwind romance, got married and though Nana was slightly dubious at first, even she had to admit they were a perfect couple. A year or so later, Daichi came along to secure the unit.

So because of all that, I sort of owed Ozuma my uncle's happiness. Seth had always been a rebel of sorts, racing in rallies and doing all sorts of crazy shit to get his kicks. (He never did drink or drugs, he's not that crazy). However Ozuma and Aubrey settled him down for which I'm really grateful because I like who Seth is today.

I also liked who Ozuma was too. Because I liked him so much I poked his shoulder to get his attention, which was better than yelling in his ear.

Without turning, he simply replied. "What is it, Amber?"

"I need to talk to you later. It's about Bryan."

Ozuma turned so fast, I'm sure he got whiplash. "What about him?"

"Um, he's here. As in, in my house with all his clothes packed in two duffle bags and he won't say anything. But I can't talk here, gotta go to history, so lunch time?"

Ozuma nodded, his jade green eyes clouding with worry. The red streak of colour he'd put in his hair to lighten it up, moving gently in the still air. "I'll come find you then. Should I get the others?"

"That'd be great thanks." I liked organizing junior Benson family meetings, I used to call them a lot when I was younger, because our parents wouldn't let us in on theirs. So I'd get a tray of plastic cups and diluted juice and a packet of cookies and heard upstairs where we'd sit in a circle in plastic chairs around a plastic table, just as our parents would. It was loads of fun, we'd discuss what we'd watch on TV, who was wetting the bed and what punishment people should get for cheating in hide and seek. Kirby always cheated in that game.

I headed back to Ming-Ming and we continued into the reception area, fighting through the flood of second years who were exiting the assembly.

"Oh, there's a message for me in the office. G'on in and keep me a seat, will you?"

"Sure." I shoved a second year boy out of my chest and with a few muttered expletives, I headed into the assembly area and over to room 5.

The room seemed very empty when I went inside but already more than half the class was inside. Hitoshi stood by the heater, looking out through the Venetian blinds at the students going to PE. Oliver was sitting at the third table from the top, pouring over his notes and making a few adjustments. Ian was standing beside Hitoshi and muttering things to the older boy who simply shrugged. Garland was standing at the seat beside Oliver, searching through his bag that he'd placed on the table while Robert was sitting beside him at the top table talking to himself.

"Morning."

For my wonderfully friendly greeting I received a few nods, a grunt, a 'oh you are here, great' (delivered in a dry sarcastic tone by the big nosed midget) and a 'Hello, Amber!' from Oliver, who I love because he always pronounces my name like Am-bear. Which is being used by Mariah as a nickname, she now calls me her Amie bear as opposed to her having a Teddy bear.

I ignored their comments and took the seat beside Hitoshi (well it would be the seat he would sit in, his bag was on the desk) to make the sides even. Putting my bag on the chair beside me, I turned my attention to Oliver.

"So how did your notes turn out?"

"Yes, they turned out very well. A bit long though. But, ah, that is how it goes."

"Mais oui." I quipped with a smile. "You weren't on MSN yesterday."

He looked up startled, those uptilted purple eyes widening in surprise. "But I was. I went online at approximately 8 o'clock but I did not see you on line. I waited for a good half hour, but you did not come on line so I did not see a reason for me to stay."

"Ah, I was on early. I had that dinner party to go to."

"Of course. And did you enjoy it?" he asked tucking a strand of lime green hair behind his ear.

"Yeah it wasn't so bad. I imagined it to be much worse."

"That's always people's problems. They always think things are worse than they really are."

"You seem in high spirits. Is everything ok with you?"

"Yes." He smiled benignly at me. "I took some advice and now I've put things in perspective, I feel free."

"Good. I'm glad to hear it, oh and here's the old sour puss."

Yeah, the evil fiend who almost put the moves on me just last night. I kept reliving that moment and it suddenly came to me, he was willing to take advantage of my momentary lapse of concentration. It's a good thing I came to my senses when I did, god knows what mess I could have been in. Though I still figured he'd make a good friend. Which is why I greeted him cordially but not flirtatiously. Don't want the guy getting anymore ideas.

"Morning Kai."

Kai grunted and walked round to my side of the table. Which is a bit weird because Oliver's side is closer and if he sat on Oliver's side, he'd be evening the side up and making our class a nice little unit and we always sat with four on each side. Always. But he was going to make the seating uneven. What was he doing?

"Hey, that space is kept!" I blurted out, grabbing my bag and tugging it back from him when he went to move it so he could sit down. "Ming-Ming is sitting there."

"Well your big bag has just squashed her, so I don't think she'll mind if I sit on her." Was Kai's disgruntled reply.

"Kai, I'm keeping that for Ming-Ming, I said I would. Go sit beside Oliver."

"I don't think so. I'm not sitting beside that _thing_."

I gaped at him, so shocked that I released the grip on my bag and Kai simply tossed it off to the side and slipped into the seat beside me. I looked over at Oliver to gauge his reaction and noted he looked slightly hurt. Well he had good reason to. What Kai had said had been rude and uncalled for.

"God, you're a grump in the morning." I snapped, tugging at the band I'd wrapped around my hair because I could feel the beginnings of a tension headache. "Well you can explain to Ming-Ming why you took her seat and while you're at it, you can get my bag from a way over there, cause I need it for my books." I growled peevishly.

"Did you cut your hair, Amber? It's very cute." Oliver complimented.

I smiled but before I could reply, Kai jumped in with: "You would notice that sort of thing."

I blinked. The whole group fell silent and stared between Kai and Oliver to see who would react first. Turns out neither would, as I did. "What are you on? You noticed it last night, you plonker!"

"Are you trying to imply something Amber?" Ian leered at me. No doubt what his mind was coming up with.

"I told you yesterday mum invited the Hiwatari's to dinner, you dolt! God, I live with a bunch of idiots."

"Now that's no way to talk about your family, I know Kaeto's a bit rough around the edges but her dad and your mum are quite pleasant."

I flipped Hitoshi off and settled for resting my throbbing head on the cool surface of my desk.

The door opened and everyone jolted expecting Mr. Shallow but Ming-Ming walked in instead. Her eyes scanned the room and fell on who was sitting beside me, the girl who said she would keep her a seat.

"I thought you said you'd keep me a seat." Was the first thing out of her mouth, naturally because I did say that.

"She did, it's beside Oliver." My mouth opens but my words don't come out. Oh wait, that was Kai again.

I snarled at him. "I did keep you a seat Ming-Ming, but Kai took it. I even put my bag on it but he threw it away."

"Your bag is right there." Kai commented idly, pointing to where my bag now lay resting against my chair leg.

"You put it-" I broke off on a frustrated noise. Instead of replying to Kai, I simply rammed my elbow into his side but most of it was deflected. "Shit arse."

"Kai, did steal your seat, Ming-Ming, but no one's sitting here." Oliver said, motioning to the seat beside him.

"Why don't you shut up, Oliver." Kai snapped.

Ming-Ming looked unhappy about sitting there for a moment before she huffed and threw herself into the seat with a scowl.

I rounded on Kai as his sharp words processed. "What is your problem?"

"I don't have one with you."

"No, but you obviously have one with Oliver, so fuck off or bite your tongue." I retorted.

An uneasy silence fell on our group as we awaited Mr. Shallows eminent arrival. Oliver picked up his pen and began to scribble stuff onto a blank page, mostly doodles and the like.

"Writing anything interesting there Oliver, like a letter?" Ian sneered.

Oliver froze like a deer in headlights. I glanced at Ian who shot a smirk at Kai. So I looked at Kai who looked very smug and very malignant. He was slouched in his chair, with his arms folded and a malicious smirk on his lips, as he watched Oliver with glittering eyes. Sensing Oliver's unease, I reacted. Not smartly and definitely without thinking as I grabbed a nearby pen and drove it towards Kai's leg.

He reacted just as fast, grabbing my hand and twisting the pen out of it. When the pen dropped and his hand continued to hold mine motionless, (And when the roaring in my head had gone leaving it clear and in shock) I looked up at Kai. He looked just as shocked as I felt. I almost stabbed him for crying out loud. It was just a knee jerk reaction, something I had done a lot when I was younger, it was never dangerous as it never really harmed anyone and yet, I had meant it this time.

Kai's heat searing into my ice cold hand, punctured the bubble of shock around me and I immediately yanked my hand back, holding it to me and nursing it.

"What was that about?" Kai demanded.

Ok, yes I was ashamed of what I had just tried to do, but hey, he started it. "I could ask you the same thing. Leave Oliver alone or face the consequences."

"Ha, he needs a girl to fight his battles. How gay is that?"

Kai snorted and Oliver quivered slightly. Something was wrong here. Did the boys know Oliver was gay? Was that what all of this was about? Oliver's sexuality? If so, big deal. He was gay, they really should get over it. Loads of people were gay, didn't make them evil. Besides it wasn't like being gay was contagious, homophobia on the other hand could be. As I was seeing first hand.

"He doesn't need me, but if anyone lays a hand on any of my friends," I looked directly at Kai now, to make sure he got this message. "I would make them regret it."

"Amber it's ok. I do not mind their narrow minded comments."

I did! "Well…" at his pleading look, I sighed. "Fine."

Another silence fell on the room. Robert and Garland continued to scribble down notes, not paying any heed to us while Hitoshi continued to linger at the window. Ian just dropped into his seat opposite Robert.

"Oh, so Prom's coming up. Who are you all going to ask to gowith you?" Ming-Ming asked, her eyes flicking towards Kai as though she was testing how he felt towards her. Again there was silence and Ming-Ming's face fell. "No takers?"

Feeling sorry for her, and appreciating that she was trying to lighten the atmosphere, I said. "I suppose I could go on my own. Unless Oliver wants to take me?" I teased lightly.

Let's get this straight. Ian does not understand subtlety. Nor teasing, or sarcasm though he uses it; it's the very obvious kind. Because of this, he snorted and spat, "Not likely."

"Actually I might have someone else in mind." Oliver replied with a flush of embarrassment and possibly excitement.

"Oh really? Who?" Then realizing how awkward that question might be for my friend, I quickly went. "No don't answer that, I want it to be a surprise. Maybe I can steal you for a few dances."

"But of course, I would be most honoured."

"No, seriously Oliver, who is it?" Ian jumped on my mistake, little weasel.

"I hope it's not me, Oliver, because you know I don't swing that way. Not even in your _ideal world_." Kai drawled lazily and Oliver blushed to the colour of a beetroot.

Ok, that's it.

Grabbing my bag, I shoved out of my seat.

"Where are you going?" Kai asked surprised. Though I don't know why he was surprised, I'd given him enough warnings to shut his cake hole.

"Away from you." And for your bitchiness Kai, I give you: "Ming-Ming swap with me."

"Sure."

Ming-Ming scrambled from her seat and for a brief moment I was sure she was going to dive across the table in her excitement but instead, she just grabbed her bag and hurried around the block of tables. The door opened and Mr. Shallow walked in.

"Amber, Ming-Ming sit back down."

Ming-Ming froze and once again her face fell in disappointment.

"Sorry, sir but I can't-"

"Just sit down!" He snapped. "We've wasted enough time already today and it's only a single class, I don't have time for this nonsense."

I stopped and stared levelly at him. "If you want to get anything done today, I suggest you let me move because I really can't stand that _thing_ sitting beside me." With that said, I didn't even bother waiting for Shallow to reply instead I just went to Oliver's side, and offering him a reassuring smile, I sat myself down. Ignoring Kai's piercing look.

"Right, now open your books. We're going to discuss what led to the Easter Rising."

* * *

What the hell was going on with this school? Even as I left History for English I could spy the various clusters of boys shuffling closer to Oliver to make snide passing comments or to try and trip him and each time they tried or succeeded, it made my blood boil. Who were they to pass judgement on someone? Especially someone as sweet and nice as Oliver? It just made me so mad. 

How did the all the boys know Oliver was gay? Unless it wasn't that Oliver was gay, but that it was something else. I just didn't know and that angered me more.

So to do my duty as a good friend, I walked Oliver to his English class, making sure to glare at every person I passed. Though I might not have been intimidating all by myself, let's face it, how scared would you be of a girl who you could probably bench press with your finger? But during the past few weeks of school I could be found hanging out with Tala Valkov; Miyami, Shahero and the girls; and Ruin Mulryan and her little posse. These were people you did not make enemies with in this school. These were people who could make your life miserable, and I was very fortunate to get on their good side. Well there were others who were equally as strong and popular at school, but they weren't as respected as Tala and his group. I mean they were transitions years after all, and most of Ruin's friends were prefects so both groups were well liked by the teachers. So if it came down to your word against there's, you'd be best to just hightail it. It's a sad fact but true.

So although I was not scary by myself, my associates were. So I was scary by association. Cool, huh?

Well, not really because I still had some guy the size of the Dublin spire stand on the heel of my shoe for the pure craic of it! Moron.

As a result, I ended up late for my next class -also English but with Mrs. King. Not a happy prospect. Luckily for me, she was home with a headache and so we had a substitute teacher who told us to just study our poems for the Leaving Cert and to keep the noise down.

I took my seat between Shahero and Miyami and yanked my books out of my bag, glaring murderously at Kai who wasn't happy with me because I kicked his shin… was it eight times? I think so, I lost count after the fifth time when Mr. Shallow had yelled at me for playing footsie with Kai -obviously he hadn't heard the hisses of pain coming from Kai nor did he acknowledge the dark threatening look that Ming-Ming had shot him and me too, for some reason. Supposedly she was just realizing that if she had kept her seat, she would have been able to play footsie with Kai. Silly girl.

Russia leaned back in her chair, which was conveniently placed just in front of me with Zareth at her side. "Yar late."

"Thank you for the heads up." I chirped sardonically, if that possible. It sounded like a chirp and it was meant to sardonic so… You get my drift.

Beside me Miyami shivered and rubbed her palms together to create friction. Miyami seems to get cold in the morning when she's got nothing to do. Most morning classes are spent with the teacher trying to coax her from the radiators. Though today she was shivering in silence, it was a bit worrying.

"Why aren't you down by the radiators?"

"The boys are down there."

"O-K! Speaking of, what the fuck is wrong with this school?" I finally demanded in a hush whisper.

Zareth looked round to raise a brow. Since I don't think he's ever heard me curse, this must be quite a novelty to him. Then again, he's friends/something more with Russia so I doubt that very much, must be some other reason.

"What do you mean?" Shahero asked, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"Ok, well this morning in history class ass-wanker dipshit-"

"Who?"

"She means Kai. She only ever comes up with really creative insults for people she pretends not to like. Those she doesn't like, she doesn't talk about."

I flipped Shahero off but she couldn't see it due to her eyes focusing on the hills outside the window. A tractor was ploughing rows along a sloped hill, I bet she was waiting for gravity to take effect and roll it over. I know I would be.

"I felt that."

"Whatever, he kept taking pot shots at Oliver for no reason whatsoever. I mean, I could see through him doing that to someone who was being horrible to him, but Oliver barely said a word to him. And then Ian started on Oliver too, kept making comments like gay and coughing out poofter and the likes."

Russia exchanged a glance with Miyami and I knew I wasn't going to like this one bit. "Ya 'aven' 'eard 'ave ya?"

"What?"

Miyami leaned closer to me while Shahero turned to face us so we formed a tight little huddle, as though this little formation would stop people from seeing us and hearing us. We all have our little delusions, right? Mine just usually happen to involve Chad Michael Murray or Justin from Hollyoaks or Dennis from Eastenders.

"Oliver wrote an email last night and he accidentally, possibly on purpose, sent it to Kane Suzuro's sister, Salima, you know the red head girl that hangs out with him?" I nodded, yeah she was the girl at the Siren that night. "Well supposedly he told her he was gay in it and somehow Kane found out about it. It mentioned some things about the boys in our year, including Kai and Tala and they're all bent out of shape about it."

I blinked in astonishment. Holy Shit! This ladies and Gentlemen is why people shouldn't write down their secrets and their deepest desires because someone will find out about it and your writing will provide evidence. Due to this email, poor Oliver couldn't even deny this in the hopes that it would all blow over.

"What?" Ok, I didn't really mean to say what, but what else could I say? Besides, it's better than saying nothing.

"The boys are all freaked out. They're acting like if he's gay, they can all catch it or something. Or worse, that he's going to ass rape them sometime in PE."

"Not all the boys." Zareth said pointedly to Shahero who rolled her eyes.

"Fine, there are some boys who are very mature and are handling this in a very grown up way but the rest are all assholes… pardon the pun. There, how's that?" she finished and stuck out her tongue.

Russia snickered and patted Zareth's arm while I turned my attention to the group of boys sitting near the back. "Are all the boys freaked out?"

"All of them, bar a few. All those back there are probably figuring out a way to beat Oliver up." Miyami told me in a dark tone as her eyes flashed crimson for a second before reverting back to silver.

Yeah like they could beat the gayness out of him. Moron's!

"But why?" I honestly didn't see what the big deal was. So Oliver was gay, how did that change anything? I hardly thought he was going to jump every male in sight. Besides, him ass raping them? I don't think so. He's more fragile than I am and he's so sweet and cultured and polite and it's just not him. I know. I spend time with him after school and he doesn't have a violent bone in his body, he's more a make-love-not-war guy.

"Because dey're narrow minded bigots, dat's why. An' my cousin's da biggest one o' da lot. Complete gobshite."

"Yeah, you can just tell that this can only get worse before it gets better." Miyami whispered just after the teacher glared at us for talking. I had to agree with Miyami, things could only get worse from here on out. God knows how the rest of the day would fare.

* * *

I didn't know how right I was. The rest of the morning didn't go much better. Irish was a balls, our teacher didn't cop on to the fact that the words the boys were calling out weren't Irish but actual insults that were really crude and had they been directed at me, I think I might have cried but not Oliver. He just refused to look at them and instead concentrated on his work. You have to admire the guy. The only words the teacher did seem to understand were the words 'Go fuck yourself' which I kind of hissed at the boys in the back row as I ushered Oliver out of the classroom as soon as the bell ended for break. 

The girls and I had taken it upon ourselves to be Oliver's personal body guards against the boys. It made sense at the time. Miyami and the girls have been friends of the boys for ages, so it's very likely that if they want to hang out with them, they'll have to get over their distaste of Oliver. That and how many of the boys are man enough to hit a girl to get to him?

If you don't believe me that they could be this uncouth, then maybe I should tell you how break turned out. Well, I usually spend my break time in the assembly area within easy access of the radiator, the fire escape and more importantly the tuck-shop. The only boys that really hang out there are Garland and Robert because Ruin likes to stand down there and because they seem to enjoy watching the table tennis, which brings me to the second and third years who play table tennis or those who watch like Tyson and Daichi, the rest are just mainly girls. But today, surprise, surprise, the doom patrol were there to oversee that the gay boy didn't attack any of the second and third years.

If the teachers or the caretakers felt the tense air, they showed no sign of it but I was aware of it. It was so thick you could have choked on it. Miyami did, or maybe it was a corn chip that went down the wrong way, I can't be sure. But it played havoc on my headache, I'll say that much. I was so busy keeping an eye on Kai and his group, and everyone I'd usually talk to was there. Rei, Tala, Johnny, Enrique, Hitoshi, even Ozuma for crying out loud. They were all standing by the radiators watching Oliver with eagle eyes. The poor boy had tried a couple of times to leave but we told him that running wasn't the answer, that and if he left, well the boys would get him. Pathetic huh?

What we didn't think of was that him queuing up for the tuckshop would put him in danger. We'd joined the line pretty far back, in the middle of the hall to be honest, and we were just talking. I knew there was something wrong, we were just across from the group of boys and there was this excited, frantic feeling pulsing from them. I caught Kai's eyes a couple of times -he was the only one who would meet them- and I tried to deduce what they were planning but I just didn't until the last minute.

A bulky guy who I hadn't really paid attention to before had joined them five minutes earlier and Kai had begun to talk to him, giving him orders it seemed. The boy looked back at us and grinned in a way that made my blood run cold. He said something and Kai shook his head vehemently giving the boy a hard look. All the time Oliver was talking animatedly about something or other, I honestly wasn't sure. I was just making the appropriate noises every time he took a breath, all the time I was awaiting what the boys were planning.

Then without warning, the burly bloke broke away from the others and charged us. There really was no where to go, he clipped Oliver, knocking him back and continued on into me. I only got hit on the arm but it was enough to send it numb. I stumbled back and looked down at my packet of crisps, or what was left of them. The bag had split in half and the contents had sprayed around me. Suddenly I realized that I wasn't quite standing straight, but I was leaning back on my heels being propped up.

If it hadn't been for Ruin stepping forward to stop me from falling back, I don't know what I would have done. However, the laughable thing was that Tala had come up to me after to apologize. I mean, it hadn't even been his fault but Hiwatari's and that moron the size of mount Everest. At least Oliver hadn't been too badly hurt though he had been a bit shaken up.

The next couple of classes hadn't been much better. The school seemed to be divided, us against them and the sad thing had been that Oliver had to defended by girls because all the boys were treating him like he was diseased. It was just infuriating.

In each class, the boys and their supporters would sit at one side and us at the other, with chairs in between and lunchtime wasn't much better.

* * *

As we walked in the door, the first thing we noticed was that the top half of the canteen was very crowded and the second half was incredibly empty. Miyami and I looked around the canteen for a reason as to why that was. One word. Oliver. He was sitting at the corner table beside Aspin and Shahero. They weren't talking, just idly picking at the skittles in the open packet in the centre of the table while sometimes throwing a look over their shoulder. 

In the second half, where they kept looking, Kai and his group were assembled in the centre of the crowded room. Despite everyone sitting there, they still seemed to command most of the attention. Partially because they were sitting on the table and watching Oliver while cracking jokes and laughing loud enough so that Oliver could be sure they were directing their jokes at him.

The women working in the canteen were bewildered as to what was going on, but they couldn't do anything except serve the excess of students lining up at the counter at the bottom end. After a while though Doreen ordered some of them to come down to our section where she would serve them. But even though they were getting served down near us, as soon as they got their food they would scurry up to the second half again. There were some first years sitting a couple of tables over from us behind the wall that separated the bottom half from the top half but they were mostly girls and they probably didn't know what was going on.

I sat down beside Shahero with a shake of my head. "Bloody assholes."

"Yeah, well what can you do?"

"Give them amnesia?"

"You do not have to sit with me if I am causing you trouble. I don't need your pity."

"We're not pitying you Oliver. You're our friend. Besides, the guys are overreacting."

Oliver nodded but didn't say anything just continued to pluck at the napkin lying on his side of the table.

"Do you want anything to eat Oliver?" Aspin offered as she stood up and began to reach into her pocket for some loose change.

Oliver looked up at her surprised then nodded reaching into his own pocket. "Actually, I think I'll go up with you."

"Great, anyone else?"

We shook our heads knowing we'd probably stick to our habit of waiting for the canteen to empty out before going to get something.

"Hey watch this." Miyami ordered us in a low voice inclining her head towards boys.

Turning in my seat, I watched as Kai and Kane sauntered up to where Aspin and Oliver were queuing. They were joking and laughing loudly in a way that made both our friends tense. But you have to give credit where credit is due because Aspin and Oliver stood their ground and didn't run away while I on the other hand would have been weaselling away for sure.

"So I heard from Aspin that Kane told her, that Salima showed him the letter and he showed it to Kai. It said some thing's about Oliver fancying Kai and how they sit together in the History class and there were some mentions about the showers in the changing rooms. Basically Oliver was unsure about his sexuality and his feelings, so he wrote a letter to Salima asking her what she thought and did she think he was gay."

I gaped at Miyami. "And she showed Kane?"

Miyami nodded soberly. "Yup and he showed Kai who showed the others."

"That bitch! I'll fucking kill her!" Shahero swore violently, her sapphire eyes flashing with murderous intent.

I caught her hand before she could move. "Cool it Hero, Oliver doesn't need this at the moment."

"But she betrayed him."

"Huh, so you're Lesbians." We froze and our gaze whipped up to an amused Hitoshi. "Well it explains why Shahero was never interested in me. This makes so much sense." He mused to himself then blinked out of his stupor. "So you girls want anything at the canteen?"

"What do you want Hitoshi?" Miyami demanded having very little patience for her cousin and his insensitive comments. I mean come on, calling us lesbians while Oliver's got the whole school against him for being gay? Hardly smart. I might have said something but I still couldn't get over the comment but I did release Shahero's hand.

"I'm here to get Shahero her food." Hitoshi replied slowly.

Oh yeah, that's right. Hitoshi's being nice to Shahero recently. Sitting with us at lunch and trying to worm his way into her affections. It's not working but she does make him buy her food because that way she gets it free. It's funny. Obviously Hitoshi owes her for something but I don't know what it is.

"And you decided to call her a lesbo to make her like you more?" Miyami asked darkly.

"Oh for crying out loud, I was only joking." He snapped. "Now do you want food or not?"

Shahero nodded weakly. "Yeah, my usual please."

He nodded and his brows furrowed in concern for a brief second at her limpid reply before he raised an inquiring brow in my direction.

"Oh thank you Hitoshi. I'll have a hotdog and a Carmello please or a dark chocolate bar if there's any up there." It was highly unlikely but I just thought I'd ask anyway.

He held out a hand. "Money."

Damn. "You don't make Shahero pay."

Shahero snickered and Hitoshi's eyes warmed in what might have been affection but was more likely amusement at my whining.

"You're not Shahero, are you?"

"No." I grumbled as I reached into my pocket and pulled out a shiny two euro piece. "Here."

"What about you Mimi?"

Miyami shook her head but offered him a wane smile in reaction. As he walked off, her expression froze and she stiffened her shoulders in an openly hostile movement. Cautiously, myself and Shahero looked over our shoulders to see Tala and Johnny approaching. Both boys took a seat beside us and for a brief moment, I thought they had come to join us.

"So why are you sitting here?" Then the moment was gone.

"Because Oliver's sitting here." Miyami replied stonily.

"Your point? Come on over to our table." Tala offered giving my hair a little flick.

With Kai? I don't think so. "Do you want us to bring Oliver over there?"

"Not really." Johnny said darkly.

"Well then, I think we'll give it a miss." Shahero smiled sweetly but there was a bitter tinge to it.

"Why are you sticking up for that wanker?"

"When we should be sticking by you wankers, you mean!" I snapped tartly.

Tala's expression closed off and his hands immediately bunched up as he rose slowly to his feet. Yeah, there goes our beautiful friendship. I had to harden my heart because I really just wanted to let him know that I was still his friend but it was obvious we couldn't be his friend and Oliver's at the same time, and right now Oliver needed us.

"Well fine then, if you need us, you know where we'll be." Johnny growled.

"Oh we won't need you. Oliver, even being gay, is more than a man than you'll ever be Jonathan McGregor and he's probably a better kisser and he doesn't have a flabby ass. Goodbye." Miyami smiled but her eyes were like chips of ice.

I bit my lip so I wouldn't spoil the perfect moment but snickering at Johnny's expression. The self righteous anger melted away to disbelief and then to disgust.

"Well if you want to do a gay guy…"

"I certain won't be doing a Scottish guy."

Shahero stuffed her fist into her mouth and began to shake at my side while I simply tucked my tongue into my cheek in an effort to not smile at the way Johnny shook his head and walked off with Tala following, he didn't even look at me.

"Was there anything going on between you and Johnny?" I finally picked up the courage to ask.

Miyami shrugged a shoulder coolly. "Whatever there was, it's done with now."

Well gee, that tells me nothing. I mean they could have been getting all hot and bothered under the covers and I wouldn't have been any wiser. Shit. I honestly thought they weren't together. And now I find out they might have been and I didn't get a chance to tease her about it. "Bugger shits."

"Huh?"

"Oh-"

"WANKER!"

Our heads whipped to the area the outburst had come from. The Aspin and Oliver corner naturally enough. Aspin was being held up by Oliver and dabbing at her lip while Kane was holding the front of some guy from our biology class' shirt. He was saying something very dark and threatening in a low murmur while Kai stood lazily to the side. Well I say lazily, he looked very casual but I was pretty sure he was keeping a good eye on what was going on. After all, Kane and Aspin are his friends. You can say one thing for him, he's very protective of them.

Suddenly Kane released the guy with a shove and turned to Aspin to say something but she simply shook her head in disappointment and walked back to us with Oliver at her heels. They slipped into their seats and Oliver hung his head in shame.

"This is all my fault. If I had not written that email-"

"Yeah if you hadn't written it, you wouldn't be in this mess. But it's not just your fault. It's Salima's too." Aspin growled as she dabbed at her split lip.

"And the boys for being narrow-minded." Shahero jumped in just as the canteen door opened and three figures strode in.

They surveyed the scene before their eyes landed on us and they approached.

"This place is packed, mind if we sit with you guys?"

Miyami and Aspin exchanged a startled look but I couldn't help but grin. "Sure, pull up a chair."

Robert and Garland looked around uncomfortably but then the followed Hitoshi to sit by him as he sat down beside Shahero and handed us our food. Ruin took the empty seat beside me and looked directly at Oliver.

"How're you holding up?"

"I am ok."

"Good. Don't let them fuck you over, Oliver. They're just scared."

"She's right."

I blinked and stared at Garland. Now this guy is in my history class but he rarely speaks voluntarily, the teachers have to squeeze answers out of him but I always took him for a manly man. You know. He does karate and all sorts of self defence and he lifts weights -he has to with shoulders like that, there's no other way he could have them. He's always struck me as very serious and very in control of his emotions and yet, here he was sticking by Oliver, the most feminine guy in the school -officially. It was nice to see that he would do the right thing instead of following the crowd.

"This is doing my head in!" Arista growled as she sat down beside Miyami and scowled at the desk. She froze and suddenly looked at the new people at our table. "Are we multiplying?"

I snickered and the others chuckled, the tension being somewhat relieved.

"No Arista, we're just gaining a few allies?" Miyami questioned looking at Ruin who nodded calmly.

"Ok then. Hey Garland, I saw a photograph of your sister in the newspaper."

"Yes, she won the All Ireland Tennis Finals. She's going to be representing Ireland in the European Cup."

I watched the conversation between them and had to remind myself that Arista would have hung out with Garland while she and Brooklyn were dating so naturally she'd know things about him I wouldn't.

Something wet hit the table.

"What the?" Miyami demanded looking up with a heated glare.

"How childish." Ruin muttered as she probed the blob of wet tissue with the bottom of her biro that she'd produced from her hair. She'd been using it and another one as chop sticks.

"Real Mature." Arista growled.

"Maybe we should leave."

"No, Oliver, we have a right to be here. If they continue that, I'll fire back." Aspin threatened.

Ooh. I scooted my seat back and hurried to the corner of our side of the canteen where the radio sat on a chair. Usually this was where Tala and them ones sat but this time we had the radio! Way-hey. So what was in the CD player. If there was music, maybe the boys would be dissuaded from throwing things at us. I don't know why but music would make things easier for me to ignore them.

The Prodigy- Their Law. Hmm. This could work. It was loud, punchy and pretty techno but it would do the business. Putting on the CD, I skipped to a track I recognized. I pumped up the volume to an acceptable level and headed back for my seat.

"What we're dealing with here is a total lack of respect for the law." Darn tootin'!

"Don't sit down." Ruin ordered pulling out my chair and showing me the blob of tissue.

"Aw gross." If I had been sitting there… Aw gross! I yanked out the chair and shoved it under a nearby table before pulling up another chair. I flipped the boys off before I took my seat again. Their aim blows a big one.

"Where's Sonia?" Robert wanted to know.

"Tuck shop." Arista replied. "I stayed down there with her but there's no one there except for Ozuma. He says he can't come to the meeting and Kirby said she has hockey practice, whatever that's about."

I nodded. Yeah I knew. Daichi had caught me on my way to Maths and told me that they couldn't make it for lunch time and that we could talk later. It was strange, I was so preoccupied with Oliver that I had completely forgotten about Bryan just turning up out of the blue like that. Jeez. Most of my time, life just zooms by with nothing interesting happening and then everything interesting happens at once.

The door opened again and Russia stalked in with Zareth and Hans flanking her. I guess she'd been out for her lunch time smoke. Zareth caught her shoulder and said something to her to which she replied with a nod and he moved to the counter while Hans and Russia joined us.

"Getting your hourly fix?" Shahero asked.

Russia shook her head. "Jus' 'aving a fag. No o'fence, Oliver."

"None taken."

"Why would Oliver take offence?" Hans asked curiously. Well curiously would be the tone normal people would use with Hans, he just uses the same sloth like tone and rhythm for speaking.

"'e's gay 'ans, 'e came out t'day."

Hans sat there for a moment in total silence before breaking out in a goofy grin and reaching over to pump Oliver's hand heartily. "Good man, yourself!"

Well that was unexpected. Shahero curled into me, hiding her face as she snickered while Arista just threw her head back and laughed. Ruin rubbed her brow and Russia just shook her head, completely used to Hans rather doped attitude. He was dropped on his head as a baby apparently and then… well repetitive abuse of substance just didn't help in any way, shape or form.

"You going out this weekend Russia?"

"Aye, pro'ly. Why?"

"Just wondering. Got a business function, parents want me to go."

"Fuck. Aye, forgo' abou' dat. Well fuck 'em. I'm goin' out."

I tuned out Russia and Ruin's conversation because it really had nothing to do with me and laughed as Arista and Shahero made fun of Hans. Robert and Garland and Hitoshi were looking at some kind of magazine I was sure I didn't want to see and Miyami was telling Aspin and Oliver all about how she had told Johnny were to get off. All in all, it seemed everything was passing over. The boys were realizing that as we were ignoring them, their antics just weren't getting them anywhere so they were simply just talking amongst themselves. So maybe this would all blow over in a little while, just as long as Oliver had people willing to stick by him.

* * *

PE was next that day. PE, physical education. Oh boy was that not pretty. I wanted to get out of the subject but I didn't have a note to get out of PE and there's only so many times you can use the whole 'I have my period, sir' excuse. Besides Mr. Thompson isn't put off by periods, he says we can still do PE. I challenge him to try running with cramps gnawing at his inside. 

As we came out onto the astro turf pitch, the boys were already gathered in a cluster with Hitoshi while Robert and Garland stood off to the side. Whatever Hitoshi was saying, the boys weren't liking so with a shrug he just walked off and joined the other two boys.

"Can someone untangle my earpiece wire?" Miyami asked and Aspin obliged.

I shoved my hands into my baggy bottoms and listened to them swish as I walked to the centre of the pitch where Mr. Thompson was standing with a clipboard under his arm and a couple of balls by his feet.

"Girls hurry up!" He shouted and we hurried… a little.

"Right, line up."

As we lined up, he began to count down the ladder, raising a brow as he reached Ruin. "You doing PE?"

"No, I dressed like this for the fun." Ruin drawled and Tala said something to Kai that made him snicker. Ruin showed no reaction but I knew that it had to affect her a little.

"Right, now you're numbered," I'm number one! Yay! Better than being a number two! Just a bit of toilet humour. "I want the number ones in that corner, number two's in that corner, numbers three's down there and fours with them. Ones' play against two's, three's against fours. Now take a ball and go."

I didn't bother to grab a ball, someone else would which is a shitty attitude to have because what if someone else doesn't? However I wasn't interested in going back, instead I just continued to traipse to my corner/ my half of the pitch. I looked up as a figure fell into step beside me.

"Hey Ruin, what number are you?"

"Two, swapped with Garland. He wanted to be on the team against Tala."

I froze. "I'm not on his team, am I?"

"She shook her head. I was four and Tala's three."

"Right. Is there some kind of rivalry between them?"

"Seems to be."

I nodded and slid down to sit on the fake grass, mindful not to get any sand in my trainers. I turned my face to the sunshine that had broken through and absorbed the rays. "So why do you dislike Tala so much?"

She looked down at me, her face in shadow. She inhaled deeply then let it out. "It's not something I'm comfortable talking about."

"Ok then."

"Oi, you two, what number are you?" Johnny demanded as he and Kai approached. Oh please don't put me in Kai's team. Oh please.

"Why what number are you?" I shouted back.

"One."

"I'm one."

Johnny growled something under his breath to Kai who looked up and smirked at us. "Well you better fucking get up and do something, I'm not carrying this team."

"With your puny muscles I doubt you could." I retorted sharply, not liking his attitude one bit.

Ruin helped me up with a roll of her eyes towards the boys. "Dickheads."

"Class-A ones."

"Hmm."

We trooped slowly over to the centre where Kai and Johnny were going to take the face off, all the while dragging our feet as Gordo and Enrique approached. Johnny motioned for us to join him as the rest of our team came to stand in a circle around him.

"Right, who's doing nets?"

"I'm marking Ruin."

Johnny snorted in disgust and shook his head. "Whatever, Enrique you do nets."

Enrique wrinkled his nose in disgust then shrugged. "Fine."

As the boys went into serious competitive mode, 'we must stop Kai's team at all cost', I wandered back down to our nets, trying my hair back as we did.

"Hey, Amber?"

I glanced over my shoulder at Enrique. "What?"

"How's Oliver?"

I froze and almost stumbled in surprise. I thought Enrique was all homophobic like the rest of the guys. And here he was asking how Oliver was doing. Weird. "He's doing good. He's coping. You guys aren't being very nice though."

"I know. I just didn't know how to react. I've known Oliver since I was in national school. We were friends but we drifted here and now he's gay. How do I react to that? I don't see how he can't like girls."

At that I had to chuckle. Enrique wouldn't understand, he's an incorrigible flirt.

"But it does make some sense, you know. Because girls do like him, but then he doesn't date and when we go out, he doesn't go with any of them. Never understood it. I got him plenty of girls and he never wanted them. Huh, I guess that means more girls for me, eh?"

I tapped my lip and then nodded. "Pretty much. I guess so."

"YOU TWO!"

We looked over our shoulders at a furious Johnny.

"STOP TALKING!"

"Aye right, fine! God, he's such a jerk."

"He's just high strung."

"So do you think you'll be able to be Oliver's friend again? He needs one."

Enrique squirmed uncomfortably. "See, here's the thing. If I hang out with Oliver, people are going to think I'm that to."

"You can say gay and no they won't. Everyone knows your love for the ladies, Enrique. Your not remotely gay, trust me. Besides, it's only guys who are uncomfortable with their sexuality that freak out around gay's. They think that they'll become attracted to the guy so they push him away, even going so far as to being hostile. If you're sure your straight, you shouldn't have anything to worry about."

Enrique looked dubious and I wondered if I was getting through to him. I should talk to each guy separately and get them to see that following the pack is wrong.

"What if Oliver thinks I like him more or he develops feelings for me. I mean it's happened with girls before. Boys and girls can't have platonic relationships."

"Not true. You can if you're not attracted to each other. I was friends with boys and I never became attracted to them."

His mouth twitched with his indecision before he looked up at me. "I'll think about it, ok. I'm not promising anything but I'm… I'm not homophobic. I'm not like them." he motioned to Kai and Johnny.

I nodded. In all honesty, I didn't think they were homophobic either, not really. They just hadn't dealt with anyone like them before. It would take a while to get used to it, but soon enough they'd die down. I hoped.

I watched Enrique jog off to the goal and I moved to the defence circle. I had no intention of protecting it for Johnny, then again I didn't really want Kai to win either. Hmm. I suppose I should help Enrique, he was after all a good guy. He was the first guy I met at this school who'd been nice to me and Johnny was the second, he'd helped me to my first class. Tala had been the first person to be nice to me and he'd befriended me, bringing me into his clique. Kai's dad gave me a job and Kai had helped me solve my problem with Gypsy and Oliver had helped me catch up on History. Yeah this was going to be hard to deal with.

"Stop thinking so hard, your head will explode."

I stuck my tongue out at Ruin and watched as Johnny and Kai's sticks met as Johnny tried to tackle Kai. "Here's hoping. So Enrique was asking me about Oliver."

"Oh?"

"Yeah I don't think he's as into this protest as the boys are."

Ruin nodded as the breeze caught some stray strands of her black hair. "There will be some boys who're just following the crowd. Soon enough they'll realize they're in the wrong."

"He's scared people will think he's gay."

"People always care what others think. It's a human flaw, to seek acceptance from those who aren't perfect."

"I guess. Pity we couldn't change it." I wished softly, drawing the stumpy bottom of my hockey stick along the sandy ground.

We stepped apart as the Gordo raced towards us with the ball running along in front of him. Half heartedly I stepped into his path to defend the circle and with some luck, I managed to sweep it away and right into Kai's stick. Goddamn long armed bastard.

"WHY'D you do that for?" Johnny shouted at me as he rushed after Kai.

"It looked fun at the time." I quipped watching Kai get tackled and Johnny took the ball away. Kai shoved past me as he broke into a jog after Johnny shooting Ruin an irritated look.

"Think they're angry with us?"

Ruin smirked. "Hopefully."

"So how's things with you and Brooklyn?"

She shrugged and shook her head. "It's over."

"Wow, that was abrupt. Did you just decide that there now?"

She shook her head again and scratched her nose. "No, it was heading that way for a while. We aren't good as a couple. We're better as friends."

"With benefits?"

She smiled. "No. It complicates things. Brooklyn wants someone else anyway."

"Oh." Ouch, poor Ruin. Did he break up with her to be with someone else? How could they be friends after that? "How do you feel about that?"

She looked at me surprised as though she hadn't expected that question. As though it never occurred to her that she should feel something about it. "I feel fine, why?"

"Well you break up and now he immediately wants someone else. Can't say much for your relationship can it?"

"Interesting comment Benson, are you usually this blunt?"

I shrugged. "Not really. I just don't understand how you can't feel at least a little upset."

"Because I'd rather be friends with Brooklyn. Adding in other elements adds a strain to friendship."

"Not always." There was no strain for me and Mystel. Well ok, a little, but it was definitely worth it. Mystel was the most important person in the world to me.

"You and Mystel were different to me and Brooklyn. Brooklyn and I… we don't have anything physical between us. Not really. You need some chemistry in a relationship. A spark. We don't have one, we're both too similar. There has to be some differences otherwise there won't be any friction. If you don't have friction you don't fight and you don't show you care."

"That's a strange way of looking at romance."

Her eyes softened and a strange smile played on her lips. "You're an interesting girl Amber."

"Um, I don't think so. Strange, yeah most definitely."

"WOULD YOU FUCKING STOP TALKING!"

There goes Johnny Big-mouth again. He was standing at the top of our half of the hockey pitch waving his hockey stick wildly as he yelled at us. It looked like we were having a corner or something, everyone was circled around their goal. There was a 'thwack' and then the orange ball came bouncing in. Another 'thwack' and then a roar from Johnny and the rest of the team.

"Benson, Mulryan. If you two don't stop talking I'll make you walk the lap of this pitch. Now separate and play the game." Mr. Thompson warned wagging his pen at us.

"I'm blocking Ruin."

"I'm blocking Amber." Ruin replied.

Mr. Thompson was not impressed. "Walk."

"Shit." Ruin muttered before I shrugged and wandered over to Enrique.

"Benson, where are you going?"

"I'm going to the edge to start walking my lap." I yelled back. I was hardly going to walk a lap from where I was standing, I would only end up getting in people's way.

Ruin quickened her pace to catch up with me and we fell into step, moseying slowly along the perimeter and waving to a bored looking Enrique as we passed. He waved back before continuing to lean on his hockey stick.

"So why don't you and Tala get along?"

Ruin pulled a packet of gum out of her pocket and rolled her kohl rimmed eyes at me. "You still want to know about that?"

"Yeah. I mean, right now Tala's being a dick and all, but he's always been nice to me so why doesn't he like you? Why don't you like him?"

Ruin offered me a piece of gum and I took it while she tried to come up with a answer to my question. I knew I was being nosey, I also knew I didn't like it when people asked me awkward questions but I also knew I didn't like being out of the loop.

"Well, let's see. Tala and I grew up together. Our parents did business and my mother figured his mother would look good in her social circle so she organized play-dates. My au-pair would look after the two of us and we became friends."

A roar went up from our pitch but we didn't look back to see who had scored. Instead I was imagining a little Tala and a little Ruin playing together in a playpen in a vaguely 'Rugrats' style.

"I don't know how it happened really, but he became one of my closest friends and I was looking forward to going to school with him. When I started here, I saw it as a chance to change my image. I was still me, I just wore darker makeup. I changed a little but then again everyone does. Unfortunately, Tala obviously didn't like it. He and his friends took to picking on me, insulting me, making my life a misery."

I sighed. Maybe I had misjudged Tala. I was beginning to see a whole new side to him that I really didn't like. I guess everyone who is popular has this side to them, the side that can make them look down on those considered weaker or less important than them. I just didn't understand why they should. Shouldn't people in their position try to make life better for those weaker than them as such? Life was too short for this kind of pettiness. Everyone should be making the most of their life, not squandering it on petty quarrels.

"I don't even think they knew that Tala and I had been friends from before because we didn't go to the same national school. I guess I should thank him. If it hadn't been for his betrayal, I wouldn't be the person I am today. He made me stronger."

"No, he didn't, Ruin. He made you unable to trust anyone. He closed you off to others. But think of this, you say everyone can change. Can he?"

Her striking face closed over, her eyes became cool and distant, her mouth a grim line. "Do you think he can?"

"I think he has. The guy you describe, he was probably afraid of being unpopular. Everyone else made fun of you so he followed."

"Isn't he following everyone else now?"

I bit my lip. Yeah he was. I guess some people change and others are just too afraid too because it'll only cause problems.

I sought him out on the pitch. He wasn't hard to notice with that vibrant red hair as he ran backwards in front of Aspin waiting for her to make a move. Aspin swung her stick back to slap the ball and he ducked in to steal it from her before passing it to another team mate. His eyes scanned the pitch and then caught on us. Casually he raised a hand in greeting and I tentatively returned it as Aspin strode up to us, one hand on her hip and the other holding her stick at her side.

"What are you two doing?"

"Walking a lap of the pitch."

She snorted and shook her bangs out of her emerald eyes. She blew out a breath and hunched over. "How much longer are we playing for?"

Ruin looked at her watch, a pretty cheap one from a fastfood joint and I've seen her house, folks. She's not poor. "Five more minutes. In fact, I'm heading back to get changed."

That sounded like a good idea because Tala was approaching us now and he looked like he had something to say to us or to me. Yeah, running sounds like a good option. Sure it's pretty pathetic but hey, I don't want to talk to him. "I'll come with you."

"Wait for me." Aspin called out as we turned back in the direction we'd come from and away from Tala. As we left, I casually snuck a glance back at him to see him running a hand through his hair and wandering back to his match.

* * *

The rest of the school day passed by reasonably slowly until the final bell rung and we all raced out of the building and down to the gate. It was now 4:30 and my bus was long gone. Why was I still here? Well someone had to make sure Oliver got home ok. Aspin's bus was already at the gate when we arrived and Shahero had to go home early with Hitoshi, Tyson and Miyami because she had a dental appointment that she couldn't get out of. Miyami had to work in a local fashion store. Sonia always got a lift home with her mother who was a PE teacher at the other secondary school and Russia had gone up town for a smoke with her two boys flanking her as usual. So that left myself down by the gate until Oliver showed up. 

And what an entrance he made. The poor guy came through the pedestrian exit with Arista by his side and a whole hoard of students behind them making snide comments and laughing at him. As he joined me, they all swarmed to a spot opposite us to congregate and decide what they were going to do. Basically without a leader, they were pathetically lost. None of them were going to do anything, they were just thriving on the excitement of the situation.

A few minutes later, the ring leaders appeared. Kane immediately wandered off to his bus while Johnny dumped his bag and headed for the ice cream van to get his fix of sugar. Tala hoisted himself onto the wall opposite us and the crowd moved to encircle him almost protectively which was a joke because he didn't need protection.

Almost gingerly, Enrique broke away from the hoard and walked over to us, causing a murmur to break through the group and for Johnny to call him a 'fucking faggot' when he noted his deferment.

So we stood there, in a face off of sorts that looked very one sided when Ruin approached with her little group of Garland and Robert. With us all crowded by Oliver, shielding him from the bullies behind him, I think he felt a little better. Well until a really bulky guy waltzed over and said that he didn't like Oliver but he did think that he should be careful not to go on his own anywhere because the boys were going to kick the shit out of him.

To which, Arista and I promptly voiced our opinion that if they did anything, we'd kick their asses. Which was kind of humorous since the guy was quite literally twice the size of us. However that put the fear of god right back into Oliver again because he was beginning to realize that us girls really weren't much help to him.

Anyway, 4:15 rolled around and I watched my bus drive off. Tala even tried to keep it for me but I told Kirby just to let it leave because I had my own way home. BIG LIE! But I couldn't leave Oliver.

At 4: 25, his bus came and he and Enrique and Robert got on with Johnny, for they all live in the same town. At least Oliver wasn't on his own there. Garland soon took Ruin home and Arista wandered up town to get her bus. I think they all believed that I had my own way home which I really didn't.

So here I was. Sitting on the wall with very little people loitering around the gate. In fact apart from the students that got the late bus, no one was here. The sky was growing dark as the sun set and a flock of crows cawed over head as they returned to their roost for the night. A metallic roll heralded the fact that Mr. Balkof in his Mercedes was going home and now there were no teachers left apart from the football coach.

A bout of masculine laughter rose from behind the corner and soon enough a group of seniors boys from the football team waltzed over the cattle-grid with their duffle bags hoisted over their shoulders. They barely flicked me a glance before they walked up the town or headed for their cars or wherever.

"Amber?"

I looked over my shoulder and smiled at Ozuma, hope rising in my chest as I realized that he had stayed back for football and would have to have a way home… that is until I realized who was taking him home. The smile dropped from my face faster than a raindrop from the sky.

"What are you still doing here?"

I shrugged and hunched my shoulders, turning my attention to the empty road. I didn't bother to look at my cousin because, well he was with the enemy.

"Did you miss your bus?" Rei asked as he approached, looking around as though expecting someone to come up and collect me or for the bus to appear and yell 'surprise'.

"No. I didn't get on it."

Kai, the remaining member of the trio who hadn't spoken, shifted and my attention flickered to him for the first time acknowledging his presence with a filthy look. It didn't bother him, of course. Him being a big hard man and everything. "Want a lift?"

"From you, I think I'd rather die."

"Amber!" My surprised cousin barked.

"I was just asking."

"And I was just answering."

"Why the hell did you not get on your bus?" Ozuma growled, his jade eyes flashing and his shoulders tensing. "Did something happen?"

"Who to? Me? No. Nothing happened to me. Your friend, on the other hand, or I'm guessing he's a friend of yours cause I certainly don't know him, threatened Oliver and in turn me. Because if anything happens to Oliver, I'm going to get involved."

Ozuma blew out a breath. "Come on, Ams, this has nothing to do with me and you."

"No, Ozuma, it doesn't. It also doesn't have anything to do with you, at all. Because I don't think you were mentioned in this and yet you're still on his side." I glared at Kai whose expression darkened.

"Look, Amber, just take Kai's offer. We'll call a truce."

I gaped at my cousin. Didn't he see that I couldn't just call a truce? That wasn't right. That… I couldn't do that. I'd rather sit here all night in the freezing cold rather than get in his car. Before I could say anything though, a car zipped up and screeched to a halt, spitting gravel as the door was swung over and slammed shut as the driver got out. Oh shit.

"Benson!"

I winced and began to wiggle my fingers. "Hello Brooklyn." I greeted weakly around the pad of my thumb that had manifested itself in between my teeth. I hunched up against whatever was about to explode out of him, knowing I wasn't going to like it.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, you stupid little girl?" I resent being called 'little', oh I don't like 'stupid' much either. And girl… well it has connotations, feminine ones that I don't feel apply to me very well.

"Hey, don't you speak to my cousin like that." Ozuma called out, squaring up to Brooklyn who was taller than him but Ozuma had a studier build while Brooklyn's was quite wiry.

"Ozu-"

"Shut up, Pipsqueak." Brooklyn snapped, brushing him off and keeping his gaze on me. Temper was all but sparking off him, which isn't right because he's supposed to have this tranquil elegance to him.

"Brook-" I tried again.

"Why don't you go back into whatever hole you crawled out of." Kai said dangerously.

"Oh you shut up!" I bit out roughly. "If we want a comment from the peanut gallery, we'll ask."

Kai just sneered at me before striding towards his car, motioning for Rei and Ozuma to follow him but Ozuma wasn't going to leave me it seemed.

"What do you want with my cousin?"

"I'm giving her a lift home, though it's none of your business!" Brooklyn told him flatly before turning to me. "Come on Benson, get in the car."

"Sure." I chirped quietly relieved to get away from this school. Boosting myself off the wall, I wiped down my hands and knelt to retrieve my heavy school bag.

"Amber, you're not really going with him are you?"

I blinked at Ozuma and sighed. "I'd rather go home with Brooklyn than that thing over there."

Ozuma looked uncomfortable and I felt bad for making him feel bad but honestly, I had my reasons. I was in the right here, dammit. "Look, Amber," He trailed off running a hand along the back of his neck, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"Ozuma…" I smiled softly at him. I wasn't mad at him, not ever him. Just like I wasn't truly angry with Tala either because it was hard to be mad with them when they hadn't done anything to me directly. I guess that makes me sound naïve, but if I was angry with everyone for hurting a friend of mine… Well I wouldn't have any friends. Moreover, Ozuma was family. I couldn't hate a member of my family.

So on thinking that, I hugged him and pulled away. "I'm not angry with you. I am angry with Kai however. Besides, Dicklyn, there, won't hurt me."

I could almost feel Brooklyn roll his eyes as I parted from my cousin and headed towards his car, trying to ignore the threatening words Ozuma felt he had to mutter to my boyfriends best friend.

After I had pulled on my seat belt, Brooklyn got in to the car and ignited the ignition. Just as Kai revved his. I sighed. Boys. Pulling away, Brooklyn turned onto the road and Kai soon followed before he accelerated and over took us. For a second I wondered if Brooklyn would follow but he simply snorted softly and continued to drive leisurely.

"So what are you crusading for this time?"

I glanced at him and gave a subtle shrug. "Oliver's gay and the boys have turned against him."

"So you missed your bus why?"

"Because Oliver's bus comes after mine and I wasn't willing to let him wait for it on his own. The boys are being complete bastards. I mean who are they to dictate who can and can't go to our school? I mean, some guy actually threatened him."

"You get that at times. They're just not used to people who aren't like them. It's human nature to rebel against what's different."

"I just wish everything could go back to normal. But as long as they're acting like pricks, I feel it's my duty to stick by Oliver."

"You sure you're getting involved for the right reasons?" He asked, shifting gears.

"What do you mean?" Of course I was doing this for the right reasons, Oliver was my friend. I'd stick by any of my friends.

"I just don't want to see you doing this because you feel you have to champion the underdog. You forget, I know how your mind ticks."

"My mind ticks very well thank you. And Oliver's my friend. He helps me out with my history, I won't turn my back on him."

"OK then."

"So how did you know I needed a ride home?"

"Ruin, she phoned and asked if I could collect you. She would have offered you a ride home but she and Garland are going into Derry to buy tickets for a gig at the Emblem."

"Oh, ok." That solves that mystery.

"So how's Mystel?"

"_Tell him I'm fine. A bit tired though, today was a messed up day._"

I turned to find Mystel sitting on the edge of the back seat between our seats with a hand on each chair. "Hello, where've you been all day?"

"Don't talk to him when I can't see him or hear him. It's creepy."

"Fuck of. So where have you been?"

Mystel simply shrugged. "_I've been here but you've been busy today. We just didn't have any time to talk_."

"I guess. Mystel's fine, by the way Brooklyn. He's got a very healthy flush."

"_I'm not flushed_!"

"Yeah, it's hardly very manly, is it?"

Brooklyn sighed heavily and urged the car to overtake a tanker. I tilted my head back against the headrest and watched the sun paint the sky a golden red.

'_So Mystel, what do you think of this entire situation?'_

"_Life's short. I, out of everyone, realize that. They're holding a grudge over nothing. I can't condone that. Besides, your poor friend Oliver is having a hard enough time coming to terms that he's gay without everyone else turning against him and making him feel unnatural._"

'_I guess. You're right, what they're doing is wrong. His words strengthened my conviction. I had to stand by Oliver and make sure he didn't do anything because of their hurtful actions towards him.'_

"_Amber_," Mystel said with a sigh as he sat forward. "_This is not your battle. You can support him, but you cannot fight it for him. He needs your friendship but he needs to stand up for himself more. This is his trial, he has to face it. That's not something you can do for him._"

I sighed. Unfortunately, I knew that. I just wanted to protect him though. I wanted to take on his enemies… and yet there was no reason for me to pick fights with the boys. I should be trying to smooth over the gap, make them see that what they're doing is wrong. They're letting their fears get the better of them but instead, I'm helping the gap widen. I'm keeping them from understanding Oliver and helping them alienate him by shielding him. This isn't my battle, I had my own to fight. Mystel, as usual, was right.

"Oh shit!" I whispered.

"What?" Brooklyn looked at me with a tinge of alarm in his voice.

"I have to work today and now I'm so late!"

Brooklyn growled before yanking the steering wheel to the left and motoring back towards the road that would take us to the stables, muttering the entire way about how I must have been blonde in previous life.

* * *

**I hope that chapter was ok. If there is any mistakes and stuff, well I'm really sorry but I'm not perfect and I wrote this ages ago but I haven't written any TFG or SLTS in months, writers block is killing me. Just no beyblade stuff for me to read to get me in the slightest way inspired. **


	10. Confessions

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Beyblade. By now you know who the OC's belong too. Amber and Ruin are mine.

* * *

Chapter Ten - Confessions

For the first time since Nana had moved into her farmhouse, she was getting a new kitchen. Fitted cupboards, a worktop, lights, new door, the works and all installed by gifted crafts-men… namely my three uncles and cousins who were up in the kitchen area, cursing, grunting, and falling over each other like the three stooges. If it weren't so funny, it would be embarrassing. And, where were us ladies? Well we were in the living room, in front of the blazing fire watching the soaps. Where else would we be on a Sunday evening?

The clock on the mantle piece was ticking time away until Monday began and the second week of the Siege of Tory Comprehensive overwhelmed our mediocre lives again. Can you believe that everything hasn't settled down yet? I swear if Kai and his companions would just let it lie instead of making comments every time Oliver walked anywhere near them everything would just blow over. Alas, they haven't, it hasn't. Last Friday a bunch of fourth year farmers jumped Oliver. If it weren't for my aunty Anne coming along when she did and Mr. Thompson yanking them off him, I don't know what would have happened. You can imagine how well work went for me.

Julia has agreed, after much pleading and begging from me, to swap her shifts with me so I don't have to work half as much with Kai, which is grand because I think he's avoiding me anyway. Tala hasn't returned to the Moors, though I've been up there at least three times this week and Rei has joined the cause. If it had something to do with Mariah phoning him and yelling at him for his crass attitude, I have no idea. However, because he sat beside us at lunch, Salima now hates him and in turn, Kane snarls at him in class. Supposedly every one thought that Salima and Rei could be the 'it' couple and suddenly Rei is defying her. Hmm… could it be that Rei found someone nicer and better? I think yes.

A turn up for the books is that Tyson who remained very much on the fence on this whole issue since it really didn't concern him has decided that Oliver is a _righteous dude_ and is now into Gay rights. He now swaggers about and accompanies Oliver to the toilets and the likes as his personal bodyguard. Sure there have been lots of passing comments about that but Tyson is too hard headed to acknowledge them so they quickly died down. That and Miyami threatened to cut the balls off every person who said that her cousin was that way inclined.

She then said -privately to us- that if Tyson were that way inclined, she'd fully support him but that she didn't think he was since he has a crush on some girl named Hillary who he sexually harasses all the time to see her go red in the face. I don't know much about this girl Hillary, except what I've seen of her on the bus and she seems very intelligent, if not a little prudish but she did have a crush on Kai, of that I know.

It seems to be gone now that he's showing his true colours. Yet I just don't think he is. Strange, huh? I just get this feeling that he's acting the way people expect him to react.

I'm not speaking to Ozuma. At dinner today, the whole Oliver thing came out and the men had pretty much the same reaction as the boys did. What conservatives! Then Aubrey said that he was being unjust to the 'poor wee fella'. Therefore, to take the heat of him and the praise away from me, he said that I was just feeling sorry for Oliver and that he was my pet project for the month. Oliver is not a charity case.

Then Nana agreed with him and started bringing up the various animals I used to look after. Like Sunbeam, the unfriendly horse that would grind riders legs against the hedges to unseat them. Or, Constantine, the dog that would bite and snap at people. Or Whiney, the horse that bucked and reared constantly. Or Tamba, the rabbit that had a nasty habit of biting the person that handled it. Or snowy, the white Alsatian, who had a habit of chasing sheep and even went so far to bite one. However, it wasn't her fault; I mean all dogs chase things that run away, she should have been tied up. And Tamba just wasn't used to being handled. Moreover, maybe Sunbeam and Whiney had a bad experience while people were riding them and were scared. See there were other possible reasons other than they're just bad tempered.

I didn't like how they made me sound like I was only helping Oliver to make myself feel good and important. That wasn't it. Oliver was my friend. I wanted to be there for him.

Therefore, I stopped talking to Ozuma. Like he had a clue anyway. I mean, he was just saying that to deflect the heat. He was definitely in the wrong. After all, who was he to pass judgement? However then Nana started spouting off on how there were no gays in the bible and how Adam was meant for Eve not Steve… Was there a Steve in the bible? I mean Nana's never struck me as homophobic but she is religious. She just thinks Oliver hasn't found the right woman and has confused his admiration for Kai as a person for lust…

Yeah, I don't think so but what can I say. Dad's just as bad. He's not overly religious but he's not too keen on gay people or blacks. I just think it's because he's never had a good experience (or any experience) with people from different cultures. But that's life. Ireland is a backwater country, still reasonably stuck in the dark ages in the Western parts. Just watch _Podge and Rodge_ sometime and you'll have a good clue on how the Western country acts. Redneck hicks.

"Ah shit!"

Aubrey rolled her eyes and put away her magazine. "I better go and see what he's cut this time."

"As long as it's not the electricity or the phone line, I don't care." Kirby muttered from her place on the floor with her laptop resting on her folded legs. Her fingers, -the nails painted an interesting metallic purple that she would have to remove before school tomorrow (nail varnish is a strict no-no and will get you sent to the secretary's office to get it removed - I know, I've seen Russia sent there most days and Miyami sent there three days out of five)- rapidly moving over the flat keys.

"You're awfully quiet Amber, something wrong?"

Other than the fact that your nephew is a heinous fuck wit; no nothing. "I'm just reading this book." I so want to live in America. No one gets tortured in America for being gay. They have shows like _Will & Grace_ that embrace the gay society. I'm not naïve to think that everyone whose gay gets to prance through a field of daisy's but… still, no one treats them like lepers.

"So has Bryan said why he's here yet?"

Ugh, Bryan now there's another problem. He refuses to talk to anyone, even Nana. He locks himself up in his bedroom most of the time and only comes out at mealtimes. Every time mum has tried to get in contact with Ciara, she's only gotten voice mail or nothing. Ciara hasn't even rung mum back, which is odd; this is her child we're talking about. Mum's afraid to pry too much in case he runs away. If I'm honest, I feel the same. It's obvious he's unstable at the moment. He just grunts and mumbles his comments and he's scaring me.

"No."

"Weird." Kirby mumbled, before looking up. "I mean, surely he would have offered at least a basic reason as to why he's here. And Ciara hasn't even showed up yet. What about Sinead? Or Yurgi?"

"Nothing from any of them. I think Sinead's on holiday with her fiancé. As for Yurgi, well does anyone ever know where he is?"

Anne sighed and flicked the station. "It's a pity; he's a very bright boy."

"Hmm."

"So how's everything with your mum and Hiroshi?"

"Aye, grand. As well as can be expected," given that Bryan has just shown up and taken up permanent lodging in the spare bedroom. Nevertheless, I didn't add that. I mean, Bryan is not Mum's blood but Dad's, but he came to mum. It seemed somewhat odd to me. I mean, sure me and him used to hang out a lot when he came to Nana's, but that was years ago. Though he used to let me listen to his music, and when we played on the play station, he never held back. Which meant I lost. A lot.

The door opened and Nana walked in with a tray of tea and cups, which rattled shakily. Anne was already on her feet, giving out to her mother and telling her she should have called down for some help. Nana brushed her off with a look.

The door swung open once again and Daichi strode moodily in. Great, someone must have given out to him for something or other.

"Now what's the matter with you?" Nana demanded as she shoved a cup filled partially with tea in his face.

"Nothing." He snapped.

"Aye right." Kirby muttered, frowning ever so slightly at her computer screen.

"I said it was nothing. Just leave me alone."

"Daichi." Aubrey warned as she walked in and took a cup from Nana.

The heat of the fire was getting to me and all the noise was beginning to irritate me. I love my family but I was just getting all antsy for no reason. Maybe I was getting my period or something. Closing my book, I got to my feet and had just reached the door when Nana called out to me.

"Do you not want your tea?"

"No thank you Nana. I just need some fresh air."

I didn't bother to take the quick exit through the kitchen and out the back door; instead I wandered down the hall with its musty smelling carpet and out the front door that smelled strangely of cacti. The door tinkled from the wind chimes before I stepped out into the cool night air.

In the distance, I could hear the river lapping against the shore, sending its cool zephyr up to flutter against my cheeks. The apple tree in the corner of the garden provided a dark shadowy corner where anything could be lying in wait. When I was younger, I used to believe someone stood in that corner awaiting me to walk by and then it would pounce out. Now I was older and a little wiser, if they were going to be hiding anywhere it would be in the butterfly garden. This was where I was going. Great job, Amber, scare yourself to death.

_Mystel?_

"_I'm here. I won't leave you._" He murmured as he materialized beside me. The cold didn't seem to affect him as he was in his short-sleeved white shirt, the one that made his skin even more bronzed and brought out the white lights of his hair. His hands were shoved in his loose black trouser pockets and his shoulders were pushed back as he looked up at the sky before he turned to wink at me.

We walked down the garden in silence, his ghostly hand interlinking with mine but others wouldn't see it. The butterfly garden was a deep pocket of the garden with large bushes like lupines and the like to attract the little insects and a winding path that took you to the hidden end. Down the cobbled path we walked until we reached the dark corner where there were little tree stumps arranged to provide seating around a larger tree stump table.

I managed to muffle the scream but not the mile high jump as I caught sight of the figure sitting there and was already taking a step back when I realized it was Bryan.

"Jezzus, what the ruddy hell are you doing out here?"

I couldn't quite see his face but I did see the orange flare at the end of his cigarette. He didn't reply, whether that was because he was intoxicated and didn't hear me (unlikely); or he just couldn't be arsed (likely).

"I didn't know you smoked."

"Never used to."

"But you do now?" I probed.

"Hn."

K. "Uh, Bryan, why are you out here?"

"Why are you?"

"It's too loud in there, too noisy and crowded."

Sighing, he put out the cigarette grinding it onto the tree trunk table. "Have a seat."

I settled myself onto the seat across from him and leaned my elbows on the table, breathing in the scent of rotted wood and moss. "Aren't you cold out here?"

He shook his head. "Not really."

My eyes were beginning to adjust to the dim light and I could make out his lavender eyes, half lidded as he gazed into space. His pale lilac hair was just a little longer than it used to be, in some kind of short mullet style I wanted to cure him of immediately. His shoulders were broad and hunched and his thighs were the size of tree trunks themselves. He always reminded me of a giant, no wonder I had been frightened of him as a child, then I got over it.

"You should have a coat, at least. Can't have you getting the cold."

"I can survive."

"Dublin's warmer than here, you know. You've got all that crap in the air, it keeps in the heat."

He tilted his head back to survey the sky. "Can't see that many stars in the sky back home."

"That's because of all the crap in the air." I replied just as Mystel did the same and I struggled not to chuckle. I looked up at the spattered sky. It looked like someone had just spattered silver paint over a navy canvas. It was pretty and it looked very crowded.

"In a few centuries time, the North star will be replaced with Vega."

I blinked startled and stared at Bryan in surprise. I wasn't expecting that out of his mouth. "Do you stargaze often Bryan?"

"Not really. Can't see much in Dublin." He repeated.

"I'm sure you can see some."

"Not as many."

"Sometimes I think we don't see half as many stars up there as there is."

"Hmm."

"Hey, want to head home and we can play on the PS2 or something?" I do not know where that came from.

"_It's that other Amber trying to sneak through again, quick suppress her!_"

_I'll suppress you, you blonde twit._

"_Don't let her win; she'll start making friends with everyone, oh the horror_"

_Kiss my ass._

"_I would if I could but I can't."_

"Are you ok?"

I winced and peeked up at Bryan through my lashes. Mystel was standing over him, trying to… measure his shoulders. Shit, that is wide; I thought as he stepped aside and showed me the breadth with his hands apart.

"Yeah, I'm fine…" They really are wide, that head just puts you off though. "Huh, sorry?"

"I asked what was bothering you."

"Oh you know, this, that, gay people, the usual."

"Gay people? As opposed to not gay people?"

I thought about that for a moment. "Exactly, Bryanny, I can tell we're going to get along fine."

"We used to get along."

I nodded. We did. I used to look up to him as my protector. "Yeah but people change."

"He died."

"Yes, he did."

"_I maintain that that was not my fault, nor was it my ambition._"

"So do you want to tell me what happened? You just showed up here and you won't tell us what's wrong? How can we fix it if we don't know?"

"I don't mean to worry you."

"We're family, that's what we do." I told him simply, beginning to fall into the rhythm I had previously with him. After all, he had been there for me, a rock after Mystel's death. I guess I had been… cautious of him as I was of most people. Besides, I hadn't seen hide or hair of him since.

"No, we're not."

Huh? We're not what? Family? Of course we were. His mother was my father's sister. Sure, we weren't immediate family but we were cousins and that makes us damn close for relations. "Yes, we are."

"She told me. We're not."

"She?" She's the cat's mother, which still tells me… "Oh, Ciara?" What has that snotty bitch said now? God, I wish Nana had enrolled her in some school for personality. Because when God made her, he must have forgotten to give her some.

"We're not family. She's not my mother."

I swallowed hard. She's not…? How can that be? She had raised him as her child.

"_Jesus._"

"Lemme guess, she was in a fucking mood and she took it out on you and said you were no child of hers."

"No, she and Da had a fight. He walked out. For good. She got pissed. Asked me to leave. Said I wasn't her son, I was some other poor whores' child. I wasn't going to argue. I just packed and got on the bus. Didn't know who to go to though, came to yer ma's. Figured she'd let me stay fer a while."

That might have been the most Bryan has ever said to me… And holy Jesus. I knew, I mean I would hear my aunts and mum discussing things and I just knew even though they never said it out right that Bryan's Dad had affairs and that he and Ciara weren't happy but I never knew that Bryan wasn't hers. Did that mean my family didn't know?

"How could she just say that to you? Doesn't she care at all?"

Bryan snorted, his eyes flashing venomously. "Ciara, care! Not likely."

"But… holy shit Bryan. What are you going to do?"

"Nothin'. Find Da, get some money from him. Go abroad. Join the army, whatever. Doesn't matter."

"Well it matters to me." I snapped. "Look, you can stay with us for the time being. I'm sure mum won't mind, but you have to tell Nana. I'm sure Ciara was just being her usual bitchy self. If Nana has a word with her, everything will sort itself back out."

"I'm not going back to her."

I understood that feeling. "I never said you had to. You could go to the local IT."

He shrugged. "I'll think about it."

"But you gotta tell Nana because they're all worried about you. Despite what Ciara says, even if she's not your mother, you're still my cousin. They're still your family because in the end, it doesn't always come down to blood. After all, look at Kirby and Alyssa."

"_Aunty Amber strikes again._"

He almost managed a quivering smile and for that, I got a fuzzy feeling for being able to say something that meant something. Just as long as Ozuma didn't think that, I was taking on Bryan as a charity case!

We got to our feet and headed back to the house to try to get this mess sorted out. I just hoped it was sorted out because no one had a right to say those things and if it were true, just how screwed up would that make Bryan?

* * *

Nana was furious about what had been said and I got the feeling that she had known all along but had believed Ciara wouldn't say anything. I don't know if Bryan got that feeling, but I certainly did. However, she said she'd talk to that 'ungrateful daughter of hers' and they'd get things sorted out. I wanted to stay at home the next day with Bryan but mum woke me bright and early to get me to school on time. Something I really wasn't looking forward to.

I was right to dread class; it was nothing but a bore. I couldn't absorb anything the teachers said, my attention was constantly drawn to watching over Oliver and thinking about Bryan. A couple of teachers had commented on my lack of attention much to the amusement of half the class because since I was on Oliver's side in this, I was obviously against them, which made me an enemy too.

I didn't like being an enemy so much. It really sucked. My friends and I were suddenly being thrown into the public spotlight and frankly, I happened to like hiding in the shadows. If I was going to be noticed, I wanted it to be for something other than 'being the girl who's friends with that gay guy'. In other words, I wanted to be noticed for being me.

Civics class had been a nightmare. I had sat in the front row beside Miyami and Aspin. Behind us, there had been muted whispers and implied comments followed by snickers and jeers but we'd simply hunched our shoulders and continued with our homework. Gordo and his little group -and when I say little, I mean little; he didn't have many friends in this class- were the ringleaders of this attitude towards us. Kai and his merry gang of wankers were simply angry with Aspin and Miyami for turning on them, after all, they had been friends and now they obviously weren't. I kind of felt bad because Miyami had admitted rather reluctantly that she had a crush on Johnny and now that was pretty much flushed down the drain. And she had been friends with Kai for so long and I missed Tala and I think even Aspin missed fighting with Kane. They weren't even talking much, if he even tried to initiate a conversation she shot him down.

My aunt knew what was going on but she had decided to let the students sort this out themselves but if the situation became worse, then she would have to talk to the headmaster and get it sorted out.

As I left Civics, I was jostled to the side and I teetered worryingly. As I did go over on my ankle, I hissed and began to windmill my arms to keep balance. Oh bugger, falling front of the school was not going to be- "Oof."

"Watch it, Benson."

I think I would have rather fallen. In fact, falling sounds much better than being pulled against Hiwatari in order to stop myself from making a public idiot of myself.

"Wasn't my fault." I grumbled, shoving away from Kai with a disgusted sigh. Why did he have to have such a firm chest anyways? "Who pushed me?"

"McMullen." Kai replied shortly before he turned away and headed for the Science area.

Oh him, he's a freak. Shifting my bag back onto my shoulder again, I headed for the HE room, which had become my safe haven recently.

"_That guy is awfully gropey around you."_

_Huh? What do you mean? _

"_Well every time you falter he seems to be there, ready to catch you or whatever. You two seem to be around each other more than possible considering you're not friends." _Mystel casually pointed out something I had been thinking myself.

If I were a paranoid sort, I'd think he was stalking me, which is ridiculous because Kai really isn't stalking me. I mean, honestly the guy probably has better things to do… well things to do, I wouldn't consider picking on the gay guy something better.

"_What if he does like you, how would you feel about that?"_

_Mystel!_

"Hey Amber."

I waved at Oliver and smiled at Enrique who had just popped up holding a potato in one hand and an onion in the other. The strange thing is we're not cooking today. Yeah, and people think I'm strange.

"So which one are you adopting?"

"I didn't lay a potato."

"It came out of your ass Oliver."

"That's funny; things usually go into his ass, not out."

I clenched my fists and slowly turned to regard Johnny who was fetching a glass of water since the HE room was the only place bar the canteen that you could get drinkable water. Students happened to come in and out of the room quite often to get a drink, usually just before class started because they weren't allowed to leave their class. "Gee, you're a funny bloke Johnny. Care to share any more wisecracks? We loved to be entertained by homophobic scumbags."

"Benson, feck off. I wasne sayin' nayhin' t' yeh."

"_Ooh, look Braveheart."_

_Mystel, shut up! And that sounded so gay._

"_But Braveheart Amber, I wasne-"_

_Shut up!_

"Johnny just go." Rei said as he took his seat beside the fridge.

Johnny turned on the water and filled up his glass. "Sticking up for the faggot now, Rei? What did he offer yeh?"

"Johnny!" Enrique yelped almost shocked beyond belief. Even I was surprised. I mean, Johnny had always been a bit rough around the edges but this was just ridiculous.

Johnny gulped back his water. "Sorry Rei. Shouldn't have said that."

"What about Oliver?"

He shrugged but made no reply simply slammed down the glass and stormed out, almost barrelling over poor Ming-Ming who happened to enter just as he was leaving. With an appalled expression, she watched him leave before shaking her head. She crossed over to the table and pulled out her chair, taking her seat beside her friends who I didn't really get along with. They were all about boys and drinking. The things I just wasn't into.

"This is getting beyond a joke." I muttered as I yanked out my HE book with very little success almost toppling over from the weight of it.

Rei nodded. "I've tried to say things, but…"

"The three of them are too hard headed. But if you topple one of them, you topple them all." Enrique spoke suddenly with surprising clarity.

"Which one would be the best to topple?"

"Why just choose one?" Rei questioned turning on his seat. He hadn't apologized to Oliver, then again, I doubt he had a reason to and sometimes apologies just made things more awkward because it dredged everything up again. I'd rather just move on and forget it happened, but then again, I wasn't Oliver.

"So we topple all of them separately?"

"Divide and conquer."

I grinned at the astuteness of Rei's reply. I could see why Mariah liked him. "So… we send Miyami after Johnny. I'll take Tala and who takes… The _Thing_?"

Oliver snickered into his palm. He seemed to like how I called Kai _The Thing_. It amused him, which made me call him that even more even going so far as to refer to him as _The Thing_ to his face. Funny, Kai just didn't find it very amusing. Being laughed at by the resident gay was really uncool!

"Maybe Ruin should take Tala." Rei said spoke softly.

"Why?" I wanted to take Tala. I wanted to talk to Tala.

"Because Tala could wind you around his finger."

"No he damn well could not. I'm as tough as nails."

"_Uh, Ams, your nails are kind of brittle."_

_Only when I hit them off something._

"If you're so tough, you take Kai then."

Mystel laughed at Enrique's suggestion while I flipped him off. "No thanks. I'll take Tala. I'll be able to wind him around my finger. Trust me."

"I'll take Kai."

We froze and blinked at the figure standing before us. Ming-Ming. Of course.

"_I think Kai might have a little problem with her version of _taking_ him. It's called rape."_

"No thanks." Rei replied with a wane smile as I snorted at Mystel's comment. Rei didn't really seem to like Ming-Ming, then again, she is Kai's unofficial stalker and if Mariah or Mattie had a guy like that around them, I don't think I'd like him too much. Of course, Rei was too nice to say anything. Something I had found out about Rei was that he and Kai went way back. Not as far back as Tala and Kai but Rei and Kai had been in the same class on entering Tory and they'd become friends. That's a couple of years of friendship that can't be ignored over the years.

"Who would be able to relate to Kai? I suppose you could do it, Rei."

Rei shook his head. "Kai won't listen to me."

"_Yeah, that's some friendship. Can't deny that."_

_Oh shut up, Brooklyn could never deny you anything so what does that say, queer boy._

"_I'm not gay!"_

_SHUSH!_

"Shitty." I managed to choke out despite the fact that out of the corner of my eye I could see Mystel flexing his muscles as though that showed he wasn't gay. Ha ha! "Then who would he listen to?"

"I could try my feminine willies on him."

"_I think she meant wiles, not willies."_

We looked at Ming-Ming's petite figure and struggled not to laugh at that stupid comment. Obviously she had just found that word in her 'word a day' calendar and hadn't learnt how to pronounce it.

Besides, I didn't like Kai but… shit, I wasn't setting Ming-Ming on him.

"Miyami?" Rei tried blatantly ignoring Ming-Ming but not until he'd shared a brief private grin with Enrique who wriggled his brows. "She is his friend, the only girl he really lets close."

"Why is this coming down to the girls?" I suddenly questioned.

"Because you're the only ones who stuck by me." Oliver pointed out quietly.

"Oh yeah." I chuckled and winced, sometimes I could be such an airhead. "My bad."

"Why do you want to help anyway? As far as I know you were just as bad as Hiwatari and all his friends." Enrique was saying to Ming-Ming who was pursing her lips and planting a tiny fist on her hips.

"Ming-Ming, I appreciate you trying to help but honestly, I think the less people involved the better." In all honesty, I really shouldn't be involved. I mean, I'm the newbie and I have really no problem with anyone here. No one has been out and out mean to me, I guess it's because I don't really cause people to feel any strong emotions as far as I'm concerned. So I really wasn't sure why I was marching into this fight, I guess Ozuma was right.

"_You're trying to do the right thing. And, supporting Oliver is what a good friend does. With your support, he's gaining the courage to fight back."_

_Thank you Mystel. _"Ok, I'm back in the game." I rubbed my hands with purpose and the boys looked at me as though I'd lost it.

"You left it?"

"What game?"

I brushed off the comments. "Right, so I'll take Tala. Aspin can have Kane. Miyami can take Kai and Shahero, Johnny. Right?"

"Oh yeah Shahero, forgot about her."

I may be an airhead but I'm so glad I'm not blonde.

"_Enrique is a certain type of blond, to be as dumb as him at times, takes skill."_

_Mystel, you're blond._

"_Oh yeah."_

_You were saying?_

"Ok, that works for me."

"Let's hope it works full stop. It's getting beyond crazy."

I nodded at Rei's words and looked up as the teacher swept into the room with her cookery books tucked under her arm. Her gaze lingered on Rei's standing figure for a pointed moment before he quickly vaulted my table to sit down in the empty seat beside me.

Now all I had to do, I thought as our teacher opened her roll book and began to take attendance, was find Tala and knock some sense into him.

"_Don't you mean talk?"_

_Yes, yes that's what I meant._

* * *

"In the bleak mid-winter, frosty wind made moan, earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone; Snow had fallen, snow on snow, snow on snow. In the bleak mid-winter, long ago."

The solitary soprano voice lingered in the stale air of the assembly area as the piano played the intro for the second verse and the choir lifted their sheets to join in. Ming-Ming was revelling in this roll as lead soloist. There was no doubt she was a beautiful singer but she could be a little bit modest about it. It was really irritating me how she was taking this choir thing way too seriously. We're a choir, we're not her backing vocalists but if one person went out of tune, she screamed blue murder. Mr. Connolly, our music teacher, was not helping one bit. In fact, he was just adding fuel to her flames.

Why was I a member of the choir? Because I had maths this class and I wasn't in the mood to have McDaid yell at me for not having my homework done again. I think that was the reason most of the seniors were here for Connolly's choir practice, it certainly wasn't because of the stimulating pep talks. For our first practice, he'd split us into soprano, alto and tenor (he couldn't be bothered to split the boys into their separate sections because there was only 10 of them and if he even looked at them the wrong way they were likely to scamper).

Then he asked us to try singing some well-known hymns, which was quickly followed up by Ming-Ming, asking to audition for her solo piece. I heard Arista shove Shahero forward for a soloist position and the groan of pain following, signalled that Shahero had declined. Sonia on the other hand was being beadily eyed for a solo verse, so on noticing this; she had carefully decided to hide behind Aspin who wasn't too impressed.

Luckily, all was well on the alto side. I was squashed quite happily between Miyami and Russia only two rows in front of the males. Behind us, you could hear their slimy comments on how Oliver could be a good soprano what with his high voice and all; and the girls behind us all giggled and flirted with them.

All I could think about was how if you kicked them in the balls, they would be singing like a soprano too. I think Russia was on the same wavelength, as she glared directly at Kai when he made his goad about Oliver and he paled significantly before quickly averting his gaze and saying something that made Tala and Johnny chuckle softly. Rei was half-asleep as he lounged against the radiator, Hitoshi looked strange standing slightly taller than the others did, and Enrique was cheerfully enjoying the attention of the fourth year sopranos in front of him. And this was the guy who thought people would think him gay for hanging out with Oliver. How naïve.

"What can I give him, poor as I am? If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb. If I were a wise man, I would do my part; Yet what can I give him- Give my heart."

We finished off and took a relieved breath of fresh air as Ming-Ming skipped down to the piano to ask Mr. Connolly another question on the song and her voice range or something, casually glancing up to see if Kai had noticed her. Seemingly he hadn't because he and Johnny had found something down the back of the radiator.

"'ey, look at this."

I glanced at Russia and then down to her piece of paper that held all of the songs we would be doing at the Christmas carol service at the start of December. Funny, Halloween hasn't even come yet and we're practicing Christmas carols. No wonder I don't have any Christmas spirit, all my Christmas spirit will have been used up by the time Christmas comes round.

"God rest ye merry gentle men, let nothing you dismay, for Jesus Christ our saviour was born upon this day, to save us all from Santa's power-" She quickly mumbled in a hushed tone.

I blinked and zoomed in on what she'd just said. "Santa's power?"

"Satan." Miyami corrected automatically.

"Dat's not wha' it says on my page."

I quickly leafed through my pages and snickered. "Oh yeah, Santa's power. Huh, I wonder what power that is?"

"'e can summon reindeers wit' enormous red noses t' blind ya."

"That evil fiend."

"Hey, there's another one 'Christians awake and salute the happy moron."

I muffled a chuckle in the sleeve of my sweater. "Which one?"

"God or Jesus?"

"Oh, nice one Russia."

"Thou shalt not take the lords name in vain." Miyami whispered mockingly as she shook her finger angrily at us. "In others words, shut up, I don't want to be smited."

"Smite me lord, oh smite me."

"Oh that's Bruce Almighty." I recognized.

The whole spectacle just caused me to dissolve into giggles as Russia tried to look properly chagrined and only succeeded in looking constipated which Miyami then commented on causing Russia to mutter a few choice words under her breath.

Suddenly I began to notice that the room, which had been filled with a nice buzz, was suddenly eerily silent… Biting my lip, I chanced a glance up to see that my suspicions were proved accurate. We were so busted.

"If you're quite finished girls." Mr. Connolly griped.

"Aw sorray sir, we were jus' wantin' t' salute da happy moron."

Shit.

"Shut up, Russia."

"Right, Miss Benson, come down here to the front row."

I looked up startled. Why was he moving me? What had I done? "Hey, but I didn't do anything."

"You're too small to be standing up there."

"What!" Ouch, my voice just pierced my ear and not in the cool way. Ouch. But that wasn't fair. Miyami was just a half-inch taller than I was! Which I damn well told him.

"Yes and if she was half an inch shorter, she'd be joining you."

"I don't want to stand in the front. People will see me!"

Mr. Connolly smiled brightly. "And we wouldn't want to deny them the pleasure of seeing your beautiful face, come down to the front Miss Benson."

I hate him!

I grumbled and crumpled up my paper as I sulkily stomped down to the front row between some bitch and another bitch with a pack of harpies standing behind me. I glowered at Mr. Connolly trying to tell him just how not happy I was but he paid no heed and just grinned before turning to help Ming-Ming again.

Before he could say anything more, the bell went. With a scowl, I slammed my papers down on top of the piano and strode for the exit. Miyami and Arista soon caught up with me as Russia went to find her smoking pals and Shahero, Sonia and Aspin sauntered after us.

"Aw poor Amber. All alone up there in the front."

"I'm surprised you're not standing in the front begging for everyone's attention." I muttered glumly. "It's not fair. I don't like standing in the front. I get all red faced and all clumsy."

"Yeah because with your colouring you're really going to stand out with a red face."

I scowled. "I'll look like Rudolph's nose."

"I'm sure he won't mind you stealing his look for one night." Arista chimed in, leaning an elbow on my shoulder.

"It'll be festive."

Ha, bleedin' ha. Folding my arms, I hunched my shoulders against the nippy breeze whipping up. "Oh, Mariah told me to invite you all to her Halloween party. You don't have to come but I'd really like it if you would."

"Mariah's your best friend from home right?"

"Right."

"So she'll know all about you, including what you were like as a child, your embarrassing moments, etc."

SHIT! "No, no she won't. She- she has anaesthesia."

Miyami snorted and Arista clapped a hand over her mouth. "She's, um, immune to pain?"

"Huh?"

"_Anaesthesia is what you get when the dentist pokes you with a needle Ams, you meant amnesia." _Mytel told me with delight as he walked just in front of me, tilting his head to see the sky. The clouds were giddily passing by the blue sky at a fast pace as though they didn't want to be spotted.

"I know what I meant." I muttered gruffly.

"Yeah, but we don't." Arista laughed causing Mystel to laugh harder.

"Yeah laugh it up."

"Wow you're a grumpy old soul, aren't you?"

"_Rudolph's nose and Scrooge's temperament. You're really getting into the season. Pity you're just two months early."_

"Hey Amber, wait up!"

My friends grumbled at the voice and gave me a look, almost pleading with me to ignore it but I couldn't just pretend I hadn't heard her. That would be unfair and wrong. Therefore, I gave them an apologetic smile and slowed my pace to wait for Ming-Ming.

"_Your friends don't like Ming-Ming so much."_

_Nope. I don't understand why. Sure, she's a bit much but she's not a bad girl. Just a little strange. _

"_You've seen her around Hiwatari, the word bunny boiler springs to mind."_

_That's two words, Mysty. Aren't you glad I wasn't like that?_

"_Of course I am. But seriously, I feel a little bad for Kai. He doesn't even encourage the girl."_

_Well, I mean, she likes him. He could just try to get to know her._

"_He's not interested."_

_How does he know? She could be exactly what he needs. She's so full of life and he's so… not._

"_I just think you should try to encourage her to find someone else. She's only going to get hurt in the long run."_

"Hmm." Maybe I should. It would be for the best. Kai obviously doesn't like her and she's wasting her time trying to get him to notice her. However, maybe that's my reason for being here. After all, that's what Mystel said. He said I could change someone's life. Maybe Ming-Ming and Kai are meant to be together.

"_She's not from Ballykuten."_

_Huh?_

"Hey Ams. So what did you think of choir?"

"It was…" A way to get out of Maths and that's all. "Great fun, really. Until he moved me to the front. Now I can't mime because people will know."

"Oh, why would you want to mime?" she asked tilting her head so the sun shone on her glossy teal hair.

"Um… because I can't sing. Not like you. You are really good Ming-Ming."

She blushed cutely and cast her eyes down to the ground in a bashful manner I was sure she was kind of faking because she knew she was good. "Well, I really like singing." Or maybe she wasn't faking it.

"So now you have to find yourself a male soloist to finish of that song."

"Oh yeah. That's going to be somewhat hard. I mean, none of the boys even want to sing."

"Maybe they can't. All I ever hear from them is this monotonous rumble at the back of the choir; it shifts from sounding like the ignition of a car turning to snoring."

"Now Amber, that's no way to talk about our singing."

I sighed and turned to face Tala. The sun was behind his head so I had to shield my eyes and squint to make out his expression. It was pretty amused but there was a strain to it. I really just wanted to smile at him and make everything all right between us but I couldn't, not with Oliver still being their public enemy number one.

"Hey Tala, Kai."

Oh yeah, he's there too. How surprising. And that was dry sarcasm because I'm not that surprised. Those two seemed to be pretty much joined at the hip. Being such _good_ friends and everything.

"_Maybe they're gay."_

_Could be. _

"Ming-Ming."

"Mingin'."

I will not laugh, I will not laugh.

Oh, it was so hard not to laugh, especially when she glowed because he'd noticed her. I guess to those who didn't know he called her mingin', they wouldn't have heard anything but her name. Poor Mingin', I mean Ming-Ming.

"So are any of you two going to do the solo?" Hint, hint Kai! She's not looking at anyone in particular, except her eyes are directly on you but that could just be a coincidence.

I glanced at Tala to see if he had noticed and was pleased to note that he was looking at me too. We both shared a private grin at Ming-Ming's obvious infatuation and Kai's discomfort that is even more obvious.

"Ah, no thanks. I'm not that great a singer."

…

I was now grinning widely at how Ming-Ming had just completely ignored Tala's comment in favour of giving Kai a penetrating meaningful look.

"What about you, Kai?" I finally demanded since Ming-Ming just couldn't seem to roll up her tongue in order to speak to him. God, he's like her idol.

Kai gave me a look that said clearly that I must be barmy. I think I was, here I was trying to talk to the king of crappy conversations. Yeah, I needed to get my head seen to.

"Well?" Ming-Ming probed. "I'd say you'd have a good voice."

"Yeah, don't you sing in the shower?" I questioned making my eyes impossibly wide so everything about me seemed innocent.

Ming-Ming's eyes glazed over just as I knew they would and Kai's face darkened, just as I knew it would. Do you know he still hasn't forgiven me for telling Ming-Ming he had been in the shower instead of coming to answer the phone?

"I'll take that as no, shall I?"

"I don't sing."

"You don't sing, you don't dance, and you don't help out at the stables; tell us Kai, what do you do?"

Kai simply glowered at me before he strode off muttering something about a football match or something. Ming-Ming watched him go and her lip actually trembled before she rounded on me with her tiny hands in fists.

"Ah, he does football, that-

"Amber! Why do you always scare him away?"

"What!" I couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out at the ridiculousness of that statement. "He's twice the size of me; I hardly think I scare him."

"Ooh!" she growled before she stomped off. "I'm not talking to you until you start being nice to him."

Wow… I guess I was never going to talk to Ming-Ming again. No wait, she said she wasn't going to talk to me. I could talk to her all I wanted. But um… "Oops."

I doubled over as I began to laugh hard at the image of Kai running from a giant me. It didn't help that Mystel was calling out the rhyme from _Jack and the Bean Stalk_.

"_Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum, she smells the blood of a Russian man, be he blue or be he red, She'll grind bones to make her bread. Run, Kai, run!"_

Tala sighed beside me and shook his head as he slipped his hand under my elbow and began to escort me to the canteen, past the prefabs we had been standing by.

"Why are you so hard on Kai?"

"What? I'm not hard on Kai. I barely say boo to him." That comment came with a mental image of giant me lifting off the thatched roof of a small house and yelling 'BOO!' at poor Kai who was just trying to eat his meal.

I chuckled again.

"You know, you could ease up on Kai. He's not as bad as you think."

Yeah right. "He's making Oliver's life a misery…" I muttered darkly, before adding in a bright and oh so surprised quip. "You're right, he's a regular Ghandi. Why didn't I see it before?"

Tala sighed. "Look, let's not bring Oliver into this."

I shook my head, pushing my way into the canteen, having to fight to clear a path through the group of students collected at the door. I rammed my elbow into some guy whose hand drifted too near to my ass and stumbled over someone else only for Tala to catch me.

"What's going on?"

"Will you fucking move?" Tala snapped.

The student quailed but managed to babble out an answer about something or other. I didn't really hear because of the loud din of noise but whatever Tala heard had made his expression stiffen.

I broke through the crowd and it took me a moment to take everything in. Then I gaped in astonishment as I spotted Kane pressed against the wall with Aspin being held back by a frantic Johnny. Shahero and Miyami were shouting things at both boys while Arista and Sonia were huddling around a hunched over Oliver.

"You bastard!" Aspin snapped as she yanked Johnny's hands off her and she stumbled back into Miyami's arms.

"How could you?" Shahero implored.

Alarm bells started going off in my head as I began to weave my way towards Oliver. Something was seriously wrong here and judging by Arista's frightened expression, I knew I wasn't going to like this. I slipped into the seat opposite Sonia just as Miyami came over to escort Oliver out of the canteen. A quick glance at Oliver's face told me he'd been crying and neither Aspin nor Miyami seemed very happy with whatever had happened.

"What's going on?"

"While we were in choir, Rev. Mahon pulled Oliver out of class."

Oh no. That wasn't good. "What did he say?"

Sonia just shrugged. "You know the usual stuff. Kind of tried to counsel Oliver but Oliver says it was as though he was trying to talk him out of being gay." Well that made sense; Religion was very much against homosexuals and anything that deviated from their version of the norm. The worst part was that Oliver was Catholic and Mahon is Presbyterian, which really just didn't help. They were too different religions, if he was going to be counselled, it would have been better to at least have someone he could relate to. I wouldn't feel very comfortable having a priest talk to me about anything personal.

"It also seems Balkof told his parents."

I gulped, almost unable to believe my own ears. His parents? Oh Oliver. I didn't think that would go down to well. I couldn't even begin to imagine how my parents would feel if I came out as being a lesbian. I didn't think my mother would have much of a problem but my father and my uncles on the other hand… well that was a different story. Different generations have different thoughts on certain things. Nevertheless, the terrible part was that Oliver didn't tell them. I couldn't imagine how betrayed they must feel, even if they can get past him being gay, but the fact that he felt he couldn't go to them and then to have a school teacher, particularly one who Oliver didn't have a good relationship, tell them.

"Oh god."

"Yeah and some of the parents in the PTA are asking Balkof to expel Oliver."

What! They couldn't do that. He had just as much a right to be here as any of us. It wasn't as though he was a threat to the school or the students. He wasn't going to harm any of them, unless it was heartbreak and he couldn't really be held responsible for that.

"Oh my god. This has to stop."

Sonia nodded. "Yeah. I don't think the boys were expecting this kind of reaction. At least both Kane and Johnny looked shocked. The worst part is that his parents are extremely religious."

"Oh man, this is really bad. What's he going to do?"

Sonia pushed to her feet and shook her head. I got up to follow her out of the canteen where everyone was watching us as though we'd do something amazing like spontaneously combust because we can do that, you know. We're that special.

"I don't know. But his parents aren't going to accept this. I have a funny feeling that they might try to exorcise him or something." She gave a weak chuckle as though she expected me to believe she was only joking but her words had a ring of truth to them. Still his parents, well they were his parents. They would still love him. Right?

This had to be stopped.

* * *

Before this could be stopped however, I needed to find Oliver to get a clue about what was said and how he was handling it. And where was Oliver? In the toilets crying apparently.

I felt sick.

I wanted to go to him, I wanted to help him.

I shoved through the double doors and marched to the main staircase, taking them two at a time.

I ignored the small first years I herded out of my way and returned the venomous looks of girls I happened to topple over as I walked to the boys toilets on the first floor. Not bothering to check who was inside or if anyone saw me go in, I just charged inside. The boys toilets are much like the girls, white washed stone walls, mirrors on the wall opposite the cubicles with urinals hanging on to the wall at the end.

I looked around for Oliver and figured he must have been in the cubicle with the door shut.

"Hey Oliver, are you in here?"

The toilet flushed and the dead bolt slid back as the door began to open… Oh crap!

Kai gave me a bemused look as he crossed to the sink. Pushing down on the tap, he ran his hands under the brief gush of cold water carefully watching me in the mirror. "Having a gender crisis Benson?"

"I'm sorry for barging in on your wank, but you haven't seen Oliver, have you? And if you have; can you possibly tell me where you left his mangled body?" I figure the best defence is a good offence and well… this was as good as I could come up with. Sarcasm has never failed me before.

Kai pulled a sheet of particularly rough paper from the dispenser and wiped his hands. "No, I haven't."

Dumping it in the bin, he walked to the exit and I slowly followed.

"You're ruining his life, you do know that don't you? Any trust he had in people is slowly dwindling and you're becoming a sick bully."

"You don't know me, Benson, so don't try to judge me."

"You're treating him like the Pilgrims treated those they thought were witches. Those you don't understand, you attack. How is that right?"

He froze and clenched his fists before turning and grabbing my hand. The next thing I knew was that Kai was drawing me into an empty classroom. Oh dear. He closed the door and rounded on me. Oh dear, oh dear.

"Have you seen the email?"

"No I haven't. But you all have. What you don't seem to grasp is that, first of all, it was private. How could you show that to others? He was scared and confused and trying to understand his emotions and you're all using it against him."

"He's gay!"

"Yes and he's still human."

"He treats us like meat."

I smirked. "How does it feel to be on the other side? Degrading isn't it? Nevertheless, it's ok when you're doing it to a girl because you're the stronger sex and we're all weak. Look, Oliver isn't going to force you to be gay and he's not going to pass it on like a disease. Anything he said in that letter was just him trying to figure out why he felt that way. It wasn't for you to read, but if it's any consolation I'm sure girls look at you just the same so don't worry, you're not just attractive to men." I managed a wry grin before become sober again. "But seriously Kai, if you continue acting like you are; people are going to wonder just how straight you are."

With that, I went to the door but Kai kept it closed, holding it with his hand. I sighed and turned to face him. I just wasn't in the mood for this.

"I'm not gay." He growled. I didn't like how he loomed over me or how the heat pumped off him in physical waves crashing against me and scalding my skin through my uniform.

"I- I know that. Honestly, I wouldn't care either way because you're still a dick for hurting my friend. But you have the power to stop all those boys out there treating him like a leper because they'll listen to you and your friends. They look up to you and they follow your actions."

"Why should I? Oliver's… a faggot."

"No, he's just gay." I told him softly, wondering where this calmness was coming from, this understanding tone that I never usually had. "And that's not such a big deal. You guys are making it into one, though. If you ignored it, many other boys would too. Why draw attention to it? He never lied to you."

"He lied every time he was in the changing rooms with us. We were… naked."

Now I struggled not to laugh. I never would get naked in the changing rooms; I liked to keep my clothes on. It was hardly that warm, or clean, at that. "Really?" the word came out strangled and Kai's awkwardness drained away to bemusement.

"Not quite but still. He was there perving on us."

"You don't know that."

"He said he saw…" he sighed and leaned his head against the door, which meant he was pressing himself closer to me, which I wasn't comfortable with. There is such a thing as personal space.

"Probably in passing, he noticed things." I was trying to keep this logical… but hell, if I had been in a room with a naked person, I would see things too. There's hardly much hidden, is there? Besides, what was Oliver supposed to do? Walk around with his eyes closed?

"He noticed my eyes!" Kai exploded with irritation, his eyes narrowing as he pushed back from the door.

"They're very nice eyes." I supplied not knowing what else I could say. I was struggling to remain passive but this was becoming amusing. I sobered up and smiled softly. "Look, that's nothing. He's not going to start buying you flowers. He knows you're straight and if he has any worries you can always ease them… by dating Ming-Ming." I finished brightly, liking this idea. I'd kill two birds with one stone. "Or a simple kiss in front of the entire school would suffice."

Kai groaned. "Not that again."

"But then you wouldn't have to worry about Oliver." I pointed out cheerfully. Yeah I really liked this idea.

"No I'd have her after me. I don't know which one's worse. The gay or the fairy."

I bit my lip against the laughter and raised a hand tentatively. "Which one's which?"

At that he snorted with amusement and then just broke down and began to chuckle. I had to join him; it was nice to be able to relieve the stress that had been building up.

"_What about Oliver?" _Mystel asked with a disapproving edge to his tone.

"Yeah, could you just try and ignore Oliver? I mean, he's having a really hard time and I'm really worried about him. Plus, by leaving him alone, Mimi and Aspin might come round again."

"Look, I can't speak for the others but I'll leave him alone. I've been doing that all week anyway. If he stays away from me and doesn't do any funny business, then I don't have much of a problem with him."

I raised a brow. If he stays away from _you. _Funny business?"You're confusing Ming-Ming with Oliver again, he's not your stalker. I doubt he even likes you that much anymore."

"Good."

"Oh come on, Kai, he just wants things to go back to normal. Isn't it bad enough that his parents know and he might be expelled?"

Kai's eyes suddenly sharpened on mine. "Expelled?"

Oh, so he hadn't known about that.

"_He was at football practice, remember?"_

Oh yeah, forgot about that. "Some parents have found out about Oliver being gay, they're asking for him to be removed. Didn't you know?"

Kai shook his head. "No, I… I hadn't heard about that. Look, I can't do anything about that but I'll leave him alone as long as he stays away from me. But I can't guarantee the others. I won't protect him, if that's what you're after but I won't back the other boys."

I guess that was the most I could expect. "Thanks Kai."

"I'm not promising that people will leave him alone."

"But you and Tala and Johnny will? No more snide comments, no more shoving him around-"

"I can't speak for Johnny or Tala but I'll ignore him, ok? But if he does one thing I don't like-"

"You better give me a quick update on what you don't like Kai, because you seem to dislike an awful lot."

He gave me a disconcerting look and I shrank back against the door. He blew out a breath and shook his head. "Look, if he stays out of my way-"

"Yeah but that's a little difficult. He's in some of the same classes with you."

"So is Ming-Ming." It was almost a joke, the way he compared them but I got his drift. If he could ignore Ming-Ming, he could ignore Oliver.

"He won't say anything to you Kai, believe me, he doesn't want any trouble."

"Yeah, well whatever. I gotta go to my next class, I'll see you later."

"Aye, at work."

He shot me a surprised look. "You're working today?"

I nodded. "You're dad asked me to come in."

With a shrug, he ushered me away from the door and then left through it. I turned to Mystel who was leaning against the table with his arms crossed.

"Well, that went well don't you think?"

He chuckled and shook his head. _"I was right."_

"You were right? About what?" I stared at him but still nothing was dawning. "Is this an all's well that ends well thing? Because I don't even remember you saying anything like that."

He grinned and tapped a finger to his nose.

"What does that mean? Hey, you can't just say something like that and go quiet. What do you mean?"

The door opened and the caretaker looked in, shooting me a very annoyed glare. "You're not supposed to be in here," he grumbled.

With a sigh, I shot Mystel another peeved look before I sauntered out of the empty classroom and set off to my next class with the intention of telling the girls that Kai had been taken care of and that just left Johnny and Tala and then things would be as close to normal as they ever would be. Or so I hoped.

* * *

**Yeah Kai's slightly odd in this chapter. I hope you like this. I can't get any Halloween spirit for the next chapter so it may take some time. Sorry. **


	11. Fade Away

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the cast and characters from beyblade. I just use them in fun and familiar ways.

* * *

Chapter Eleven - Fade Away

When I'm stressed about something, I like to take Gypsy on a run. It's sort of an escape. The wind in my face, the sound of her hooves pounding against the ground, squashing my fears. However, this time it just didn't seem like it was going to work because the fears were chasing me, like shadows haunting my every move.

I urged Gypsy to run faster and listened to the rhythmic whoosh of her breathing as she lengthened her lope. I had been at this for a good half hour and my ass was quite nicely numb but I wasn't planning on easing down. If I did, everything would just weigh down on me and I wasn't ready for that. I didn't want to think and with the bitter wind whipping at my face, causing my eyes to water, I had no fear of that.

The ground passed me by, dizzyingly fast underneath Gypsy's hooves. Music screamed in my ears because I didn't want to hear anything. I just wanted to lose myself in the speed, the exhilarating rush of riding again and my music. Of course, I wasn't quite galloping but I was cantering and the creepy thing was that I could almost feel Kai's disgust because it echoed my own. My fear was still ruling me despite trying to escape it.

"_You can't run forever."_

I hissed and concentrated on blocking out Mystels' voice and concentrated on the looming hedgerow. The field was running out and I knew I'd have to rein Gypsy in before trying to do the turn. I don't do fast corners, I keep having images flashing in my head of overturning vans.

I pulled on the reins, whispered soothing words as Gypsy slowed her trot to an easy gait, and I blew out a breath, easing back into a sitting position rather than the bent over the house jockey look. Less wind resistance but you still look like the hunch back of Notre Dam. My back cracked and I stretched it, teasing out the tense muscles. The clouds above me were punctured by blue sky but there was still the possibility of rain, maybe even snow but it was too early in my opinion. Of course, if I said that to Hiroshi he would automatically point out that we could have snow at any time what with the way the weather has been lately. Nevertheless, snow on Halloween was just wrong. Rain I could live with, snow would ruin the entire atmosphere. I had to put up with singing Christmas carols at school, which was bad enough but snow? No way!

"_Nothing's going to happen to me."_

Why wouldn't he leave me alone? Didn't he understand I wanted to be alone? That's why I had climbed instead of listening to him!

"_Ams."_

I scowled and reverted to an age-old tactic used to shut up Mystel Devine. I turned up the volume of my earphones and sang along, singing louder the more he tried to speak. "Walk on; streets on fire; caged in with razor wire; shot down; living in the DMZ."

"_AMBER!"_

Sulkily, I pulled Gypsy around, noting the way that she dancing nervously, ear pricked, pivoting at each sound while her eyes darted here and there to see where the presence was coming from. "You're scaring her." I informed him quietly.

"_Then get down and talk to me, Ams."_

"I don't want to." I muttered, turning my gaze to mountains that were looming over the flat land before me. It was weird to be smack dab in the valley with the hills on each side of me, like sturdy centurions guarding the town of Ballykuten. It was some how reassuring and safe, and yet, there was a danger in those hills.

Mystel let out an exasperated bark of laughter. _"Ams, I'm fine. I just said I felt a little weird."_

"On Halloween, you say you feel weird on Halloween. How do you know that means nothing? You've been complaining about feeling weird and tingly. That isn't right. You shouldn't be feeling anything. You're dead."

Mystel flinched and shoved his hands in his pockets, averting his eyes. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have mentioned that he was dead. But the fact was, he's dead and a spirit and this is the night when the veil between the two worlds is at its weakest and what if he's pulled away to the spirit world. I don't know anything about things like this but I don't want to lose him. And he's saying there's something wrong on the one night of the year that things are bound to go wrong. Doesn't he realize he's ruining Halloween for me?

"What if you're passing on?"

"_There's no light, Ams."_ He joked.

I scowled at him. "Maybe you're not going to heaven."

"_I was a good person. I still am a good person."_

"Hmph!"

"_You've been hanging around Hiwatari too much."_

"Screw off!" Was my pithy reply but the fact remained, he might be passing on and I didn't want him too. I wasn't ready for him to just as I wasn't ready for him to appear in my life as suddenly as he had. It had been so bizarre too.

It had been July, hot and sticky and I had been at home alone, wallowing, as I tended to do when left alone. When I had things to do, I was fine. I just threw myself into it, body, mind, and semi-soul. But that day I had nothing, my friends had been at the twelfth. I hadn't the need to go since I had quit the band after Mystel had died. All of that would just remind me of him. So I quit and I'd stayed at home while everyone else went to enjoy the festivities.

I had been feeling weird all day, off, just like today and since I was restless, I'd rolled off the bed and yanked open the door. As I'd walked through the door, and out to the landing, I'd saw a flicker, a shadow impression of a person my size but I put that down to the fact that I had been watching TV and then the shift in the lighting. You know usual stuff people use to explain the unusual.

However, when I came back to my bedroom, Mystel was standing in my room. Mystel, my dead boyfriend was just standing there looking around the room with interest. What followed was not one of my finest performances. I freaked caught between relief at seeing him and absolute shock that my boyfriend was a ghost.

But that was neither here nor there, I got over that soon enough and I enjoyed having him around. Everything is so much easier with him here but for how long? The thought always plagued me, but I didn't really take much heed to it. Sort of like, I know I'm going to die but for the moment, I'm too busy worrying about other stuff to live my life in fear of dying. Now, though, maybe I would have to take things just a little more seriously.

The thunder of hooves in the distance caught my attention and I groaned. My life is now complete. Not only is my boyfriend -who's dead- moving on to the next life or whatever but now I'm about to get reamed by my boss's son who really doesn't like me.

"_He's like a blood hound… or a wolf."_

I whimpered loudly and it definitely sounded pitiful to me as I mimed banging my head against a wall. "What does he want now?"

"_You're cute when you're whining."_

"I'm not whining; I'm plotting on what's the best way to kill him and hide his body. There's a bog around here, he could sink in and never reemerge. In fact, we could fix it so it looked like he fell from his hors-" I broke off appalled by what I'd just said. Sure, I didn't want to go to work but… I shuddered.

"_You're not working today, are you?"_ Mystel asked, shuffling his feet and looking up at the sky.

"I'm not. At least I wasn't the last time I checked. I don't know what he wants."

He came closer, moving well with his horse. He really should have entered those competitions; he probably would have won.

"_Hey!"_

"What?"

"_If he won, then I wouldn't have!"_

"Well, there were things that you were better at but at dressage, he'd be good. I mean, let's face it, you were crap when it came to dressage."

"_So were you. You giggled at everything."_

Yeah, I laughed so hard at Hazel Michael's that I nearly fell off Gypsy, which hadn't won me any brownie points but I found it funny that she stuck her nose in the air and it didn't help that across the ring, Mystel was mocking her when the judge wasn't looking.

"_Sure, blame me._"

"I didn't see anyone else mocking her." I pointed out. "Besides, I was just pointing out that Hiwatari would probably do well in that event. He's all posh and stuff."

"_He's not posh, just arrogant."_

"I was trying to be nice." I muttered, digging out my phone and holding it to my ear in case I happened to say something that Kai heard. Then I would hang up when he came closer. "Oh shit, he's slowing down. He's so gonna talk to me. Make him go away, Mystel."

Mystel chuckled and dispersed. I growled and turned Gypsy to face Kai. If I were lucky, maybe he would just walk… nope. Eye contact established. WOOT! Honestly, I don't get this. Whenever he isn't around, I actually think he's an ok guy, I've said so but then… well he shows up and he immediately just gets on my nerves!

"You have foot balm."

Yeah, Kai is the king of small talk. He engages the women in the local supermarket with his witty repartee and quirky phrases. NOT!

"Hello, Amber. How are you today? Oh I'm fine Kai, how's yourself!" I mocked but received only a cool glare. No one damns you with a look like Kai can. I mean, Brooklyn glares at me a lot with his 'I'm not amused' looks but Kai, Kai sears you and makes you want to cower in a corner. I hate that! "You know someday, you'll actually greet someone without even thinking about it, and they'll fall over with shock."

"Do you have foot balm or not?"

I shrugged. "What kind?" Am I just supposed to read between the lines? Because there's nothing there to read!

"Cashel's injured her foot on barbed wire. If you have something to treat it, it would save us a trip into Strabane."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah sure, there's some at home." I wheeled Gypsy around and clicked my tongue, inducing Gypsy into a slow moving stride. I caught Kai's narrow look and scowled. "What?"

"You're still afraid of her."

"I'm not afraid of Gypsy, I'm afraid of falling off. With good reason."

Kai snorted and there was a tinge of disgust to it. I hated him. I bet I'm older… no wait I'm not older than he is. He's older than I am by a good couple of months. Mum told me he passed his driving test the next day. He's the only person I know who did that. Brooklyn failed his first one but passed the second. Tala hasn't even gone for his, he still uses his provisional, which is good for two years, and then you have to do the theory again. But Kai, he gets a pass. I don't know how he did it. Probably scared his tester into passing him. She was probably just a poor little old lady who cowers in her rocking chair, jumping at every creak in her dark old house waiting for another visit from the Devil child.

"Shut up Kai. You know nothing."

"That's a good horse you have and you're wasting her talents."

As if hearing him, Gypsy's head shot up, her ears pivoted towards him, and suddenly I noticed that the horses were inching closer. Really crafty and sneaky. I didn't even realize until my leg almost brushed Kai's. With a growl, I jerked her away to the left a little to continue moving down the hill without having to worry about knocking into Kai.

"You know, if you were galloping, she wouldn't be able to do that."

"He was in on it too!" I snapped back.

"A good omen, though." He murmured thoughtfully.

Thrown, I glanced at him. "That they'll breed well?"

"Hmm. But it'll have to be controlled."

"Shit yeah. These two would probably kill each other out in the field. Way too spirited."

Kai scratched his cheek and frowned at me.

"What?"

"Nothing."

I bit back a growl. Another annoying thing that I'm coming to recognize as a Kai thing. "I wish you wouldn't do that, it's damn irritating."

Kai simply shrugged and we continued on in a strangely comfortable silence only commenting on various things we noticed about the horses and our surroundings.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, I entered the house, having left Kai out by the stables where Gypsy was kept at night. The house was silent since mum was on duty and Hiroshi was out working. Bryan was slouched in front of the TV watching the news.

"Hey."

"Who was that?" Bryan asked and I knew without asking that he was referring to Kai. I don't know how he does it but he always seems to know when there's a boy around me. It's disturbing.

"Kai. Nicolai's son."

Bryan nodded but he still shot a considering look towards the door. Probably wondering if he would have time to get out there and threaten Kai before I returned.

"What does he want?"

"One of the horses has a gash on its leg from barbed wire so he's asking to borrow some of the stuff I got from the vet for Gypsy." I muttered as I rooted along the top of the cupboard for the key to the shed. "Where's Shahero?"

"In her bedroom on the phone to her brother."

Oh. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask which one since she has two only for me to remember at the last second that Shahero has only one that she'll voluntarily talk to. Ricky. As far as I can tell -I haven't met him, he lives in Japan- Ricky seems dead on. He's got a fiancée named Riley and a year old son, Taro, and is a pretty easy going, laid back guy who's involved with some sort of gang. Who knew? Ethan, the older brother, is a serious guy with a stick up his butt who despairs of his family, is disdainful of his little sister and is only cared about by his wife and father. His two other siblings mock him whenever he's mentioned. I don't think they really like him too much.

"Are you going out tonight?"

He nodded. "Probably. You?"

"I'm going to Londonderry to see the Fireworks and after that, who knows?"

Bryan frowned, twisting in his seat to get a better look at me. "I thought you were going to see Mariah?"

That was the original idea. "Mariah got grounded for breaking curfew so now she doesn't get to hold her party."

Bryan said what I was feeling. Well, snorted but I knew what he was saying. I mean, Mariah knew that breaking curfew was an instant grounding. If she had seriously wanted to host this party, she wouldn't have risked staying out past curfew.

Oh well, I get to go to Londonderry, which was what I wanted.

"Well be careful." Bryan advised.

I pocketed the keys and headed back out of the house and into the cold air. I found Kai by the stables, stroking Gypsy's head while Traveler butted him gently. Ok, see this is what bugs me. Aren't animals supposed to know things about humans? Aren't they supposed to see inside a person to know whether they're evil or not, even if the human acts all nice? Because all the animals I meet, seem to like Kai. So does that mean he's an innately good person who wants people to think he's evil? And what's the purpose of that?

I strode past him and over to the shed door. It was thick and wooden, once painted green but the paint had long since flaked off. Slotting the keys into the padlock, I unhitched the lock and pushed open the door, bending down to run my hand over Sheba's head as she tried to stick her nose in my crotch. Really, she would be so much better doing that to Kai, he's male after all unless Sheba bats for the other team. You never know.

Heading over to the medicine cabinet, which was screwed to the wall, I unlocked it and scanned the contents. All sorts resided in here from sheep doses to salts for the sheep's feet, penicillin to syringes and other bits and pieces that were important for lambing. The chemical scents mixed with the earthen floor, the musty scent of dust that clung to the cobwebs. The single bulb that swung from the rafter lent a dull glow to the windowless room, lingering on the glittering trails of snails and the granite crystals embedded in the dank, moldy wall.

I felt Kai come in behind me, eyes sweeping over the corrugated tin roof and the electric tools that were placed along shelves above the workshop.

"What is this place?"

"It acts as a workplace for Rory or Hitoshi. It's got all the tools to mend fences and cut logs and that kind of thing and because it's padlocked and has a study door, it's a safe place for the pharmaceuticals." I answered without thinking.

I finally found the salve on the top shelf where everything seems to be when you're short and can't reach it but I tried anyway. Who knows, maybe this time I would be lucky and by stretching I might grow taller. Not.

Finally, I closed my hand around the small tub and shrieked! Something just brushed my back! Oh god, a bug. I hate spiders, I hate wasps, and I particularly don't like things that have legs, antenna, tiny little bodies and wings that don't contain feathers are another bad thing. Like moths. I despise moths with a fiery passion.

Suddenly I noticed that the brush wasn't a brush anymore but something tracing along the base of my spine. Oh god, Kai's touching me! And that's a very vulnerable area. I mean that's where you get jabbed when you're having an epidural. And it was this thought about the needles that made me break out in goose-bumps, not the fact that Kai was trailing his finger over the base of my spine, just above the hem of my trousers. For a split second I froze. Complete and total brain freeze. What was I supposed to do? The guy was running his finger over my back! A guy who, for all extents and purposes, doesn't seem to notice my existence unless he has to. So why was he touching me? And why did it feel so strange?

Mystel had touched me. Loads of times. There had been a lot of touching with Mystel but my skin never felt on fire with him. Well not with such a simple touch anyway. I mean my bones felt like they were melting. I was gripping the shelf with a white-knuckle grip in order to keep my knees from giving out. I suppose most of the reaction came from the spot Kai was drawing on. In other words, if anyone should poke or touch me just to the right of the base of my spine, I will give a very violent reaction. Sometimes I squirm, sometimes I freak out just because I sense someone's hand just near it. I don't like that spot being touched.

However, this was different. I didn't like it but at the same time, I didn't dislike it. It was as though there was a line of fire just where Kai's finger was stroking.

"You have a tattoo?" Kai murmured and in the soft glow of the single bulb and the closed atmosphere of the shed, his voice seemed intimate, like a caress. Halloween, it'll do weird things to your system.

He drew his finger away and with his body heat gone, I suddenly felt very exposed to the cold air though there was still a lingering warmth along that spot. I sank to the soles of my feet and turned to him, disliking the fact that I was flushed and suddenly very uncomfortable with this man looming over me. Frowning, I thrust the container into his hands.

"Here."

"Thanks." He grunted, shoving it into his coat pocket and then he pushed his fingers into his jean pockets. It was then that I noticed what he was wearing, though I have no idea why I was noticing these things. They were hardly very vital notes. He just looked very comfortable in his black windbreaker, blue jeans and scuffed work boots. His spiky hair was ruffled by the wind and his cheeks were tinged from the cool air. Though, how he can withstand the elements and not have a weather beaten face is beyond me because his skin looks perfectly flawless. Tit.

"And no, I don't have a tattoo. Shahero was bored in class and decided to draw on me."

He considered that for a moment before doing that whole head-nodding thing before his eyes met mine with a secretive glint in those very warm brown eyes. "Pity."

"What's a pity?" I asked wearily, knowing that I was looking suspicious and petulant but hey, I was feeling suspicious and petulant.

"It's not a thing; it's a feeling, Benson. Pity means to feel sorry for someone."

I frowned at him for a second, replaying that conversation in my head to make some sense of it. Suddenly it dawned. "Oh ha, ha. Maybe you should try stand up comedy. Because maybe if you stand up, you'd actually be funny."

I turned but not before I caught sight of his lips tilting upwards which was pretty much a smile for Kai, at least when he was in my presence. I'd seen him grin at Miyami but he always seems so serious and sober around me. I don't understand it either. I make people laugh. Always have. Usually it's at me and very rarely is it with me but they still laugh. He barely cracks a smile. Shit head.

I slammed the door shut on the cupboard and a sharp explosion of pain sliced through my finger.

"SHIT!" I hissed and cursed, pulling out my damaged finger and gently examining it. Blood welled in between the flesh and the nail, all around my cuticle and I cringed on seeing it. I'm not squeamish at the sight of blood and it doesn't make me faint but still, I don't like seeing it. I cursed again and with each throb of pain, I felt my eyes well. How embarrassing to be caught crying in front of Kai. Of all the people in this damn country, why him?

That thought was cut short when his warm hand closed around mine as he lifted it to get a better view. Initially, I made to yank my hand away. I mean, that's my gross blood, I didn't want him seeing it or the way my finger was shredded. It just needed a plaster, that's all but still, he brought it up to his face and with careful finger movements, he turned it this way and that to examine the damage.

Then with no warning or even with warning I doubt I would have been able to do anything, from the moment his eyes met mine I was entranced- he slipped my finger into his mouth and I nearly collapsed. It took every ounce of will to lock my knees into place and when other places began to throb with each stroke of his hot, moist tongue, -Oh god!- I bit my lip hard enough to taste blood but I was damned if he was going to know about that injury. Vampire that he is, he'd probably try to lick... Oh goddess. My eyes fluttered but sheer will kept them from closing and in turn, I stopped myself from giving into the strange pleasure that was beginning to hum in my blood.

Suddenly he pulled out my finger and the erotic contrast of the cool air stinging the finger that had been previously inside his heated mouth was nearly my undoing. I wasn't used to this extreme reaction. I had been with Mystel for all of my teenage life but had never felt this volatile mix of emotions. I knew that part of me was attracted to Kai, had been for some time but this, this was insane. You did not feel like this just because someone had sucked on your finger. Technically no one should be sucking on your finger! Not someone who couldn't stand you, that wasn't on!

And it wasn't fair. Mystel could be taken away tonight and the last memory he would have of me was of Kai sucking my finger and me reacting to it. It just wasn't fair. I wasn't cheating on him. I didn't want to but I couldn't help it. I had no control of my body or the way it seemed to want Kai.

Before I even realized it, tears were slipping down my face. Hot, fat tears that I couldn't stop from falling even as the first sob threatened to choke me; I tried to swallow it back. I didn't want to cry, not in front of Kai. He wouldn't understand. No one could.

"_Amber, don't cry."_

Mystel's heart wrenching plea just made things worse. Everything in me ached from trying to keep the pressure from releasing. I was nearly crippled from the pain but I didn't want to cry.

"I'm sorry." I whispered to him. He shouldn't have had to see that. I should have done something. Anything. Instead of staring at Kai like a damn deer caught in car headlights.

Suddenly, without me even noticing, I was pressed against Kai with his arms around me. This time though, I wasn't going to give in without a fight. However, as I tried to pull away, Kai's grip tightened on me.

"Stop it!" He growled harshly and the shock of the sound, the anger in his tone had me going stiff.

I sniffled miserably and thought for spite of rubbing my nose on his fleece but I wasn't that petty. I pulled away and glared at him, while I dashed away the tears. "Sor-_ry_." I snapped back bitterly.

He glared at me before motioning to my hand. "That's what my mum always did. Sorry if I upset you."

Well put like that... Still, my finger! Then again, he wasn't doing it to arouse me, I knew that when he was hugging me. It was strictly to clean the cut or whatever. "Don't be such a fucking prick. I've had a really bad day."

"And that's a reason for breaking down?" He mocked disgustedly.

"I'm thinking that hitting you might be a better idea. Plus I'd feel so much better. Do you wanna oblige?"

He nodded but somehow, I didn't think he was agreeing with me. Instead, when he finally looked at me -all the disgust and anger was gone, replaced with a quiet understanding. "Do you wanna tell me what's wrong?"

I shook my head but I offered him a grateful look. I knew, he knew about Mystel but I wasn't ready to divulge the part of Mystel being a ghost to him. Nevertheless, I was grateful, now that my brain had caught up. How else did someone stop me from crying? Sympathy didn't work but being a jerk sure cut through the weep fest.

"It's nothing. Just a load of crap building up. I'm sorry you had to witness it. It happens from time to time."

"Hn." Yep there's that little grunt people are growing to love. "Did you have counselling?"

Ah for fucks sake. "I do not need counselling."

"You're the one who freaked over a bit of blood!"

"You put _my_ finger in _your_ mouth!" I shot back.

"It was either that or risk you getting an infection." He drawled quietly. I didn't like it. His voice slid down my spine. In the small hovel that was the shed, everything seemed more intimate which was probably why I had reacted so violently to Kai. The surprise and the sensations were all heightened by the closed space. Eureka!

"You might think about talking to someone."

"I do. Sometimes it just gets on top of me. I'm trying to live a normal life and feel normal but there's the part of me that's pointing out that Mystel's dead and they're warring each other. My emotions are like a battle ground and it's just so hard." I broke off hearing my voice hitch. I gulped back the emotion trying to clog my throat.

"If you told Miyami and the others, you wouldn't have to pretend to be cheerful all the time. They know something's wrong."

"I just want to go back to being the old me. I miss her."

Kai sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "Might be easier, if that wall against your emotions came down."

"You don't know me, how can you act as if you do?" I demanded because I didn't understand the frustration leaking off him. He had nothing to feel frustrated about. I lost my boyfriend and I'm the one that has to continue living without him.

"Because I see glimpses of her peeking through when you're not paying attention. When you're caught up with your friends, she breaks out just a little and then you wall her back up and replace her with a false version. Everyone can see that you're holding back."

I shook my head. No. That wasn't true. I wasn't holding back. I wanted to be normal again. But I couldn't be. I had lost Mystel. How could I just go back to being who I was when the person that made me her, was gone?

"You can't hide behind Mystel's death forever. Sooner or later, you're going to have to realize that you're not dead and move on."

To you? As if! I glared at him, putting every bit of disgust I could muster into the look before I turned on my heel and headed for the door, opening it and waiting for him to leave.

"You're a piece of work, Ember. Doesn't matter what I say, you'll find a way to take it wrong."

"My name's Amber, not Ember."

"That's what I said." He spluttered as he flushed, obviously realizing that he had tripped up in his hurry to retort something back. Smug satisfaction flared and a smirk played on my lips even as he glared at me, then the venom died and he shrugged.

"Ember suits you better."

Oh, that's nice. I'm really beginning to dislike him with everything inside me. "Why because it's a lump of coal?" I asked.

"No, because you're always blowing hot and cold."

"Ember's don't blow hot and cold, neither do I."

He leaned into me, eyes darkly focused on mine. This guy has obviously never heard that even wacko's like me have personal space. "Watch an ember sometime, Benson, it flares and it dies. Just like your temper."

"My temper is constant, thank you very much."

Kai simply shook his head and chuckled wryly, almost satirically. "Is it just me or are you prickly with everyone you meet?"

I returned his mocking look with one of mock surprise. "No, I like most people."

"So I'm just the exception."

"Don't flatter yourself. If anyone else was as much of an asshole as you, then they'd get the same treatment from me."

"Thing is, I haven't even done anything to you."

I stared at him. "Um, no offence to your memory or anything, which is clearly faulty by the way but since day one, you've been horrible to me. You've indifferent, annoying and you picked on my friend because he's gay. Plus you drag me into your schemes to hide from Mingin', I mean Ming-Ming," I struggled not to smirk at the self-satisfied look on his face. Probably thinks he has another convert. "Whose only crime, by the way, is to like you which is probably a big mistake on her part because you're constantly mean to her."

Kai exhaled loudly and leaned back, folding his arms while still holding the tub of balm. "Don't flatter yourself; I act that way to everyone."

"Like an antisocial loner? How do you have friends then if that's how you treat everyone?" I suddenly demanded; wanting to know what went inside this boys head. Honestly, he's the most complicated person I knew. Though I didn't know many complicated people. Mystel was pretty simple. Brooklyn is easy to work out. Mariah and Mattie, well I lose no sleep over their motivations. But Kai just... I growled realizing that I was spending too much time thinking about him again!!

"Look, just take your stupid balm and piss off."

He muttered something under his breath that I didn't catch but the tone gave me a feeling that if he were to express his thought physically it would have been with an eye roll. He turned and walked out of the shed with Sheba following him. I stayed where I was listening to the _clip-clop_ of Travellers hooves as he left.

Mystel materialized beside me and sighed. _"Well that was intense."_

"Shut up." I whispered beginning to feel my cheeks burn as my finger began to tingle.

"_The guy was just trying to help."_

"By sucking my finger?" I demanded, rounding on him.

"_The only person dwelling on that is you, Ams. And stop pointing your finger at me, it's disgusting."  
_

"Hey! That's my finger you're talking crap about. It's sore, swollen, and bloody… and yeah, it's disgusting. I should get a plaster before it gets infected with spider spawn or something. Ew, think about that. Spider eggs fall in before it heals over and then in a couple of days they hatch and crawl out from under your scab… I think I'm going to be sick."

"_That idea wouldn't work anyway. Spiders tend to carry their eggs around."_

I didn't care. Right at that moment I was being bombarded by horror movie scenes of spiders coming out from under my scab and… I legged it out of the shed and shut it behind me. Mystel materialized again and rolled his eyes.

"_Ams, you didn't lock the medicine cabinet."_

"You know this is where your ghostly skills would come in handy, if you had them. I don't wanna go back in there. It's a bad evil place," I mumbled, suddenly hit by an image, I brightened enthusiastically. "Like that cave in FFX-2 underneath Mushroom rock road where everyone gets taken over by spirits. That's what happened to Ka-Hiwatari Jnr."

"_You're demoting him again?"_ Mystel drawled with a definite resignation to his tone.

I nodded cheerfully. Yeah my enthusiasm leaves something to be desired since I seem to find morbid things more interesting than normal things but hey, being possessed would make such a good excuse. I wonder if Anne would buy it. Then I shook my head. Better to try it on Shallow, he'd at least get a laugh out of it before giving me detention.

In the distance, the church bell rang out the time and I sighed. Five o' clock. In 2 hours, I'd have to go so it would make sense for me to at least have a shower and get my hair straightened before I had to go. I was heading towards the house when I heard Mystel's sigh and I knew he wasn't happy with me ignoring what had just happened with Kai and me in the shed. But excuse me if I wasn't feeling oh so comfortable talking about something that seemed so intimate to me but was purely practical for him. Asshole.

* * *

I sat in front of my computer, running my fingers over the keys as I conversed with many multicultural people. On the couch, Bryan was slouched with his eyes glued to the TV. Every so often, he would grow bored with the current program and would promptly switch it over. This was getting on my nerves because I was half heartedly trying to watch something. Him, jumping from Sabrina: The Teenage Witch to Neighbours was seriously confusing me because last time I checked, nobody in the suburbs of Australia pointed and zapped pop tarts. Though I'm sure, they would love to.

"Amber do you want some lasagne?"

I nodded then realized that I was behind the wall and that Hiroshi would need X-ray eyes to see me. "Yes, please."

"Bryan, could you please ask Shahero if she'd like anything?"

Bryan grunted and rolled off the sofa and ambled out to the stairs. My attention was piqued by the flashing of a small rectangle on the bar at the bottom of my screen. Pulling up the window, I recognized the address as Miyami's.

_Long live red heads_ says:  
**Hey, you excited about tonight?**

_Logan Echolls is hot!! _says:  
**I suppose so. No, I am. I just have no idea what to wear.**

_Long live red heads_ says:  
**Logan Echolls is hot. But his real name is Jason.**

_Long live red heads_ says:  
**Besides, stick on a pointed hat and a wart and you'll be fine.**

_Logan Echolls is hot!!_ says:  
**OK first up, the actor who plays Logan could be a total dweeb, I happen to like Logan as a person despite his dickhead qualities. And second, I so don't think you're going to be sticking on a pointy hat and wart for your costume.**

As I waited for Miyami's reply, I turned my attention back to my unused window where I usually spent time. Pulling it up, I logged into the chat room I usually loitered around. And there was Ash probably working on some college homework while waiting for someone to talk to him, the loner!

**Em**: Happy Halloween!

**Ash: **It's been Halloween for ages now, in fact, it's kind of over.

**Em: **You're such a killjoy, where's Riley?

**Ash: **Probably at school like normal people usually are. What's up with you? Still going out tonight?

**Em: **Seemingly so and I don't think it's going to be much fun. The lord of Hell will be there and he's now sexually assaulting me.

**Ash: **Lol. You wish.

I frowned at that. Well that was nice. Any other guy would be offering to beat the shit out of blue boy but oh no, not Ash. He was far more interested in doing his homework, dick!

_Long live red heads_ says:  
**Hey, do me a favour? **

_Logan Echolls is hot!!_ says:  
**Do you a favor or do you as a favour?**

_Long Live red heads_ says:  
**Your wit kills me…**

_Long live red heads_ says:  
**With its lameness!**

I rolled my eyes and had to chuckle. Whatever you deal out to Miyami, she just shoots back at you. You have to admire the girl for that. She's got balls… actually I don't get that phrase. I mean, pointing out whether or not someone has balls seems kind of tasteless because contrary to people's opinion, someone's loins do not contribute to their courage. And why balls? Why not something of feminine origin -though I'm struggling to think of another name for a woman's _ahem_ that isn't vulgar and am failing miserably. But my point is that women are just as brave and gutsy as men, they just show it in a different way.

_Logan Echolls is hot!_ says:  
**So what exactly is this favour?**

There was silence from the Miyami side of the conversation and I was guessing that this favour was going to be extremely hard on me. Suddenly the computer beeped.

_Long live red heads_ says:  
**MSN Kai for me and tell him to meet us at the green at seven fifteen!**

She wanted me, Amber Benson, to msn Kai Hiwatari? Um, what's wrong with this picture? Oh, I know, Kai is _her_ friend. She's the one who invited him!

_Logan Echolls is hot!_ says:  
**Why me? You can do it. **

_Long live red heads_ says:  
**I can't, I have to put this dye in my hair and then get ready for tonight. I don't have time. Besides, he's not online yet. Just in case he comes online while you're on, could you tell him? I'll text him but I'm not sure if his phone is on. Just do it, please.**

This seems so wrong. I just had the guy over here sucking my finger and now I have to voluntarily talk to him on MSN- Oh key point. The reason I never know when Kai is on MSN could possibly be because I don't have his email address!

_Long live red heads_ says:  
**Here's his email address: KaiNHiwatari and you know the whole hotmail thingy. **

I scratched my cheek as I stared at the very uninspiring email address. And he wonders why people like Ming-Ming are able to email him? He might as well have a sign, 'Kai's email box, right here!' Seriously, you'd think… no you wouldn't think that Kai would come up with something better because, oh, yeah Kai has no imagination at all.

_Logan Echolls is hot!_ says:  
**I hate you!**

I watched as a big fat pair of red virtual lips pressed up against my screen and then was followed by Miyami saying good bye in her usual light hearted yet dramatic way -very Marilyn Munroe-esque without the blonde airhead attitude.

I sighed heavily and tapped on the contacts tab, entered Kai's email and hoped he was one of those people who was suspicious about adding strangers. I mean how obvious was my address: nak3dbabydanc1ng. I blamed Mystel for that one, he came up with it while I was lying on my bed staring out the window. I basically gave him free rein to come up with my email address and that's what I got along with a very interesting password that I was never giving to anyone.

I moved back to my chat room conversation while Shahero shuffled into the room, hair still damp from her shower. She headed for the kitchen and she and Hiroshi began to chat in soft murmurs.

**Em: **So how is Abby?

**Ash: **So you're talking to me again?

**Em: **Sorry, I got drafted to do some crappy shit.

**Ash: **Like?

**Em: **Riley says you're hanging out with Abby? You must be pysched.

**Ash: **Psyched? As in the film with the shower scene?

I stared at the screen for half a second…

**Em: **Yes, that's it.

**Ash: **No I'm not psyched. I'm perfectly sane. And it's not a date or anything. Just a group of us hanging out. What about you? How's everything on your end? You still angry with those boys for hurting your gay friend?

**Em: **A little. Not so much.

**Ash: **Really? I thought you were.

Had I given him that impression? Because I wasn't angry with them just disappointed I guess because they had seemed pretty decent only to turn out to be complete jackasses. I just didn't like that side to them but since part of me could understand, I couldn't really hold it against them. Besides, Oliver didn't want much fuss made. The parents had stopped their ludicrous calls for him to be expelled and while he was still very much a social outcast, things were cooling down. Tala's friends didn't sneer at him or make any wise cracks but they did become wary when he came near them. They didn't sit near enough in class nor did Oliver do PE anymore but it was better than it had been.

Kai and Miyami still talked during classes whenever Oliver wasn't around and even when he was, she would go over to talk to Kai, sort of to reassure him I guess. They would have these deep discussions about god knows what, though more often than not, Miyami would leave frustrated. Tala and me, well we still met up on the moor and things between us were settling. I was beginning to like him so much -strictly platonically- that I began to miss him when he couldn't come to school due to his migraines, the curse of being a genius. So often, my days off from work were spent at his house getting tutored for Math and playing on the PS2. Kane and Aspin were back to their regular 'I need some Aspirin'; 'Get a life Pain' conversations. Everything was like it should be, or so I'm told.

**Em: **No, I can understand, I guess. I mean how many gay people are there in Ireland. I mean you see homosexuality on TV but that's TV, no one expects it to turn up in their school yard and when it does, it's this big deal. Like a flu epidemic.

**Ash: **You're doing your brat speech again, I can just about hear it.

**Em: **Considering you don't know how I sound, that would be very hard to imagine.

**Ash: **Considering the way you type, it really wouldn't. I imagine a female lilt with a gravelly undertone. 

**Em: **You what? I'm just gonna bypass that sentence and pretend you didn't just try to describe my voice. Oh did I tell you, Mum made me clean my room. Again. That's the third time this week.

**Ash: **Maybe if you had just cleaned it right the first time you wouldn't have had to be told the second and third time.

**Em: **I hope you know I'm glaring at you! See that's what Hiwatari said and I glared at him too.

**Ash: **I'm starting to like this Hiwatari guy. He seems very level headed. You should date him.

**Em: **…

**Ash: **Lol. That's right, you're keeping yourself pure for me.

**Em: **You were abducted by aliens. I'm so sorry for not believing Riley when it's so clear you were. Dude, are you ok?

A large fist knocked at my screen and I winced. Gotta stop saying Dude. Must stop referring to people as Dude. Must sound sane, reasonable and intelligent, not like some reject surfer from the mid eighties.

A box from MSN scrolled up and I'm ashamed to say I felt a strange fluttering in my chest when I didn't recognize the screen name. You are mine. I clicked on the MSN screen and checked the address and sighed. Oh boy.

I made the move to contact him but before I could even type out a simple hi, this popped up in angry red writing.

_You are mine_ says:  
**Who the fuck are you and how did you get my address?**

_Logan Echolls is hot!_ says:  
**No wonder you're such a hit with the ladies, Kai, with that sort of greeting I don't know why I just don't melt into a puddle. **

_You are mine_ says:  
**Who is this?**

_Logan Echolls is hot!_ says:  
**And boy is that such a possessive statement. So alpha male and dominatrix. **

_You are mine _says:  
**If you won't answer I'm deleting you.**

_Logan Echolls is hot! _says:  
**How quickly you forget the girl who's finger you just sucked!**

_Logan Echolls is hot!_ says:  
**Miyami told me to tell you to meet her at the green at 7:15 tonight. And don't worry, I'll delete your address so that Ming-Ming and Oliver won't find it.**

_You are mine_ says:  
**Benson.**

_Logan Echolls is hot!_ says:  
**And Bingo was his name-o! Gotta go Kai, important people to talk to, hair to wash, the usual.**

Without anymore words I click on his screen name and deleted him but deliberately forget to block him just in case he ever wants to talk to me… like that will ever happen. But if I kept his email address, I knew I'd be tempted to at least pay attention to him when he logged on, even if I didn't talk to him. It's like at school, I'm always aware he's there even when I don't particularly want to talk to him.

**Ash: **Where did you go this time? 

**Em: **I had some business to take care of for a friend of mine. Aw, did you miss me?

**Ash**: No, I found a way to entertain myself.

**Em: **That sounds so wrong! Mental images.

**Ash: **You're sick. And you can't get mental images when you don't know what someone looks like. Anyway, I have to go. Chat to you later.

**Em:** Sure. I have dinner ready anyway. Tell Riley to email me, I haven't chatted to her in ages. 

**Ash**: Will do. Goodnight.

**Em**: Goodnight.

I closed down the window and shut down the other stuff I was half heartedly involved in. After shutting down the computer, I headed into the kitchen just as Hiroshi was dishing up the grub.

* * *

"Get your hand off my leg!"

We are supposed to be going to Londonderry to see the fireworks. We're supposed to be having fun. However, instead we're sitting in a car, in the dark empty car park outside the Church of Ireland, listening to Shahero berate Hitoshi for being a lecherous tool! This is my idea of fun. The sad thing is that I really want Hiwatari to show up because he has Tala in his car. Last text message told me he's about five minutes away.

That was five minutes ago. He so should be… yikes, Hitoshi really is pretty touchy feely.

"Do you want me to castrate you? Because I will do it with great pleasure!" Shahero vowed darkly.

Shahero had wanted to sit in the back, obviously to get away from Hitoshi but he had insisted she sit up front. Never mind the fact that I could get car sick in the back, that obviously isn't important in situations such as these where Hitoshi just wants to get close to Shahero. Which is scary and strange because she _hates_ him. And Shahero doesn't seem to hate many but she loathes him. Makes me wonder what he did to her, but a couple of gropes too many and I was getting the gist.

"Where the hell is Hiwatari? Did he get the 7:15 memo?"

"Delivered it personally." I quipped and slouched back in the car, watching my breath fog as I gazed up at the pricks of starlight piercing the midnight canvas.

"Well it's seven twenty now."

"He can read, I'm so proud."

I snickered at Shahero's scathing tone.

"I bet the teachers are ecstatic."

"Yeah they were thinking they'd never get rid of him, he'd be the first geriatric high-schooler."

I couldn't help but laugh at that one, especially when Hitoshi glared at her for the jibe at his age. He is actually two years older than Shahero. She skipped a year and he had to repeat one, yeah, she's gonna hold that one over him.

Mystel appeared in the middle of the seat.

_So?_

"_Hiwatari's 4X4 just turned down the road, he'll be here in two minutes tops."_

_Did they stop off somewhere? And what about Miyami? She's the one who bloody orchestrated the whole deal._

"_She's trying to convince Russia to come, but Russia would rather go to the pub and get drunk."_

_Sounds about right. _

Well there's Hiwatari now, I thought, as the 4X4 rolled into the car park, crunching gravel under the tires. Doors opened and slammed shut as the lights remained on, illuminating the figures that stepped out. Striking as ever, lean and well built, Johnny, Tala, Enrique and Rei all made quite an impression on a girl. It made sense why they were the BMOC's at school.

A creak from the seat in front of me drew my attention long enough to kick it when Hitoshi leaned over to murmur something in Shahero's ear that made her flush, hiss an insult before she stormed out of the car, slamming the door hard enough to make the car shake. Heaving a sigh, I opened my door and stepped out into the cold October air.

_How are you feeling Mystel?_

"_I'm…" _He broke off when I pinned him with a look and he sighed. "_I still feel out of sorts but I'm sure I'll be fine."_

"Benson, in future don't kick my chair!" Hitoshi growled as he unfolded himself from his seat and stretched himself to his full height, closing the door behind him.

_Why does everyone call me Benson? I mean Mum gave me a first name for a reason._

"_It must get confusing with all your cousins."_

_Exactly. You'd think that, but no one said that people behind the gap have brains. Well the girls obviously do but the boys are all-_

"Hey Benz!"

I think I lost a couple of valuable inches when Tala's arm landed along my shoulder, forcing me down under the weight. I could feel him beside me, solid and warm and because I was freezing my ass off, I turned into him and hunched my shoulders, frowning at the scratchy material of the shirt he was wearing.

"Why are we standing out in the cold?" Shahero demanded irately, scowling at her feet as she hugged herself to stay warm.

"We could share body hea…" Enrique's enthusiastic offer trailed off as Shahero silenced him with a glare, but I think it was the death glare from Hitoshi that really shut him up. "Never mind." He mumbled and I instantly felt bad for him. Out of all the boys, he seemed to be the weakest of them, well maybe not the weakest but certainly the youngest. The others were taller than him, or bulkier. They were more imposing than him and were much broodier than him. But they were a group none the less.

"Grow a spine, Enrique." Johnny muttered with a roll of his eyes and then he groaned. "Where is she?"

Everyone's eyes were suddenly on me and I shrugged. "Do I look like her keeper?"

"Well you told Kai that Miyami said to meet here at 7:15."

"So I say a lot of things on MSN, I also told someone I'm 5ft 7" model with double G breasts. Your point?"

Shahero chuckled but covered it quickly with her hand when everyone glared at her, bar me because I found their expressions pretty darn amusing too.

"_Double G? That's the size of Claude's head right?"_

Unable to help myself, bombarded by the image of Claude with a bra on his head, I burst out laughing. And now everyone's eyes were on me. The resident lunatic! Yippee!

Kai rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone. Tapping one button, he held it to his ear. Looks like he and Miyami do a lot of talking if he has her on speed dial.

"So how did you get Kai's email address?" Tala asked as Kai wandered away to get some privacy. Johnny and Enrique were sniping at each other, Shahero had inched closer to the red headed Scot to get away from Hitoshi while Rei tried to distract him with a normal none perverted topic.

"Miyami gave it to me with the precise orders to tell Kai to be here at 7:15 as soon as he came on line. Which I did and then I deleted him."

"Why did you delete it?"

"Um, because it's called a friends list. We're not friends."

Tala rolled his eyes. "You're a strange girl, Benny."

"Hmph."

"What are you dressed as exactly?"

I looked down at my rather haggard outfit and sighed. I was dressed as a something dead, maybe one of Dracula's freaky ladies I wasn't sure. All I knew was that I had put a lot of eyeliner around my eyes, my face was paled with talcum powder and I had tousled my hair into a chaotic mess. I had put on a rather oversized sweater belonging to Bryan with the sleeves cut off and the neckline ripped. I had on a pair of shorts too -no need to flash anyone- but they were hidden by the top. And to finish off the outfit, I'd pulled on a pair of fishnet tights with the feet cut off onto my arms and a pair of sheer black tights with my black All Starz finished the crazy look.

"Couldn't think of anything. I mean, seriously the only things in my head are manga, anime and computer game characters and none of them are remotely suitable for dressing up as at Halloween. Though it would have been cool to dress up as Tifa because all I needed were skater shorts, white tank top, apron tied on backwards and my All Starz but then again, no one is going to point to me and say 'Oh there's Tifa.' Not unless I shoved tissues down my bra. Which I wouldn't do because that would chafe… Enrique why are you staring at me?"

"You said bra." Tala explained as though it were the most natural thing that Enrique would be staring at me because of the word bra.

"Seriously?" I thought about that for a moment before: "Bra, bra, bra; bra, bra, bra; bra; bra, bra bra; bra, bra-"

"Why is Benson saying bra all the time?"

"Amber stop saying Bra!"

"Bra, bra, bra, bra; bra, bra, bra; bra, bra, bra, bra; bra, bra-"

"Hey! I think Enrique's brains just melted!"

"First Enrique would have to have a brain and second, Benson stop saying Bra." Kai growled as he walked up and cuffed Enrique around the head. I moved closer to Tala in case he decided to do the same to me. Well you never know, the guy did suck my finger. He shot me a bemused look and I had an unnerving feeling that he had read my mind.

"Would you prefer if I said Brassier?" At Kai's dark look, I exhaled loudly. "Alright then. Hey Enrique, do you have the same reaction if I say dick all the time?" I wondered cheekily.

"Or jocks? Boxers? Wood?"

I giggled as Shahero joined the teasing and Enrique grew steadily more disturbed.

"Leave Enrique alone." Kai sighed heavily and leaned back against his car. "Miyami will be here in five minutes."

"Gee, we're never going to get a spot now." I sighed mournfully. "I'm just too short to see over the big people's heads."

Shahero grinned at me understanding my sarcasm but the boys didn't seem too impressed. Explain to me, again, why we're going with them? They have, like, zip personality! Oh right, they can drive. We can't. We need to get Shahero behind a wheel.

"Ugh, you guys are no fun."

"Are you drunk?" Kai finally asked.

I frowned. How can I be drunk without the presence of alcohol? It ruins the whole drinking thing! "No! Do I look drunk?" I challenged tilting up my face so that I could look him squarely in the eye. Bad idea. Look away!

"You're acting strange."

I rolled my eyes. This from the guy who complained that I was acting too depressed now I was acting too chipper so I must be drunk. Typical male attitude! "I'm not drunk. I'm just feeling better than I usually am. And I'm cold and I'm bored and I have to entertain myself somehow and since I don't have something dangling between my legs, I can't do that!"

"Well you do have something else between your legs and I bet you can have just as much fun with that!"

I flushed getting Johnny's meaning immediately and suddenly I wished I hadn't made any illusions to masturbating but I couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up. Because usually Mystel would say something like that when I was being crude and force me to cool off on the vulgar front.

I pulled my thumb out from between my teeth to apologize. "Ok, sorry that was crude."

A car swerved into the car park and Aspin all but fell out of the passenger door. "Oh god," she gasped. "I've never had car sickness before but now seems like a good time to start." She mumbled, bent double in the middle of our wide circle.

"Miyami's driving that bad?"

"Why do you even let her drive?"

"It's her car." Aspin snapped back as Arista climbed easily out of the car, eyes still glued to her game boy. Obviously she'd been too lost in the world of Mario to notice that Miyami had been attempting to kill them.

"She's had three lessons." Shahero muttered with a roll of her eyes.

"Where's Sonia?" I found myself wondering as Miyami got out and checked her hair in her compact.

"She's got a house party to go to. Now get in." I balked as she motioned for me to get into her car.

Aspin lifted her eyes to mine and shook her head ominously. "Amber, for your own sake, don't."

"Miyami's a good driver."

"Thank you Arista, you're officially my favorite cousin."

"Yay!"

"Miyami get in the jeep." Kai ordered.

Miyami opened her mouth to refuse only to quell under his look and with a sigh, her shoulders slumped as she dragged her feet over to Kai's car. "Someone take my keys." She mumbled and Shahero plucked them from her hand.

"Oh, no. Shahero give Johnny the keys." I muttered, Shahero doesn't know how to officially drive at a speed that's higher than first gear. Which means she's miles ahead of me on the driving thing, I can't even get it out of neutral.

"Shahero give Johnny the keys, you're going in my car."

"I am not."

When Hitoshi leaned over to whisper something in Shahero's eyes, she went bright red and furiously gave Johnny the keys before stomping back to Hitoshi's car.

"Don't give that jerk the keys to my car!"

I watched the whole scene play out in front of me with great amusement. Did they always act like this or was this the magic of Halloween? Then my thoughts broke off as I was yanked sideways over to Kai's jeep.

"If I have to go with Kai, so do you."

"No I do not!" I snapped back petulantly and she stared me down before I eventually caved. "Fine. But I'll make you regret it. I'll annoy him so much that he'll crash and you'll die young and a virgin too!"

Miyami gasped in horror before she became smug and I suddenly thought she was going to announce that she wasn't a virgin in which case I'd naturally have to ask who she did IT with. "Kai is unannoyable!"

Oh. That's what has got her so smug? Jeez, she really doesn't know Kai very well. "Well we'll just see about that!"

"Bet!"

"Bet!"

* * *

I won!

The car journey basically consisted of this:

Me: KAI!

Kai: …

Miyami: (whispers) Good boy Kai. See, unannoyable.

Me: (whispers) That's not a word! (out loud) Ka-ai! Kai-pie. Ooh, I like that name.

Miyami: Oh, that's cute. Kai-sempai.

Me: Huh? (completely confuzzled.)

Miyami: Weren't you shortening the term sempai and adding it to his name, sort of in respect?

Me: (scoffs) No! Pie as in Steak and Kidney pie.

Miyami: Oh. Not so cute.

_Ten minutes later-_

Me: Kai-pie! I need to go pee. (car slows.) Oh wait, no I don't. (car speeds up) No wait I do!

Tala: You can't pee in the middle of a town.

Me: Why not though? Why can't I just go up to someone's house and demand to pee in their toilet?

Tala: Because…

_Five minutes later-_

Me: Kai-Pie. Oh, look his ears are going red. (clapping)

Miyami: (hammering feet against floor in frustration, obviously noticing my annoying brilliance)

Me: (gasp) Flintstones!

Me and Miyami: (hammering feet against floor, miming Fred and Barney in their car travelling to work)

Me: Kai and Tala can be Betty and Wilma.

Miyami: Who're you?"

Me: Obviously with my black hair, I must be Fred.

Miyami: Is Kai Wilma?

Tala: Watch the road!

Me: Duh, no. He's got blue hair, see!

Tala: Stop pulling Kai's hair! You're gonna make us crash.

Me: Well duh, Wilma what did you think I was trying to do?!

_Twenty minutes later-_

Me: Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick.

Kai: Amber get your head back in and close that window!

Me: I feel really queasy.

Tala: (sympathetic) Maybe you shouldn't be looking at the lines going by.

Kai: You're going to get that thick head of yours knocked off!

Me: Nngh. I'm gonna throw up.

Kai: Not in my car.

Me: It's ok, I'll stick my head out the window again.

Kai: Put that window back up!

Me: Down! (push button) Hey! Did you lock the window? You ass! I'm gonna throw up in your car now! And it'll smell of puke. Put the window down!

Kai: Right that's it!

Me: Uh-oh. Mimi, are you awake? Mimi, I think I won. Oh god, he's gonna kill me. Mimi, wake up!

At this point, Kai had pulled over into a petrol station and with a thunderous expression, he proceeded to get out of his car and he strode over to my side of the car. All the while I was struggling between giggling breathlessly and trying to regain some sobriety before Kai really killed me. At least if he killed me, Tala would be a witness and… actually he probably wouldn't testify against Kai since I think I had thoroughly pissed him off at this point too.

There were no more thoughts as Kai ordered me out of the car and grabbing me by the shoulders, he began to demand if I would behave for the rest of the journey. It was very hard for me to answer seriously that I would -after all, I had won my bet- when I was trying very hard not to giggle.

Then he stole my humour by swearing that if I said one more thing to him, he'd drop me at the next filling station and I could find my own way back home. Very nice indeed. So with much sobriety, I crawled into the back seat.

Me: I win.

Miyami: (nods with awe) You must teach me, oh wise sensei.

Me: Indeed, grasshopper, someday soon I w… Shutting up now, Kai.

* * *

So finally we reached Londonderry and were able to soak in the atmosphere of the maiden city. It's like a really tame version of Mardi Gras or how I imagine it. People in loud costumes, sparkly wigs, big seventies shoes, pointed hats and the works; all heading under the bridge to the waterfront where the barge is with the fireworks. Already the Foyle River was shimmering under the orange street lamps. In the distance, in the hills that loomed over the town, bursts of light shot up sporadically into the air as families had their own displays. If it weren't for the dots of light, the streaks of coloured jets and just the vague silhouette against the dark night, you wouldn't know there were any hills behind the buildings.

I wandered along the pavement beside Tala, taking in the elaborate costumes, the mundane ones and the numerous Harry Potter wannabe's and grinned. This was Halloween for me. Sure, the parties at the Parkers were always fun but there was always something special about the rare trip to see the amazing Londonderry fire works. Well ok, sometimes they weren't really that awesome but still, it was the atmosphere. It reminded me of a time when my parents were together. They used to always take me. I spent all day looking forward to it, sitting on the windowsill waiting for Dad to come home from work. Then we'd all go, it was like a ritual, one I hadn't been in the mood to continue when my parents split.

It was hard to make out where we were going in the dark but the throngs of people made it clear where the pavement was, just getting past them was a little difficult.

"Excited Benz?"

I nodded, unable to contain the butterflies in my stomach. It was pathetic but it was true. I loved Halloween. "Now I just need a toffee apple." I looked around at all the unfamiliar faces. "Where are the others?"

"I think they passed us when Kai pulled over in St. Johnston."

I got the obvious dig and made a face. "I'm sorry about that but me and Mimi had a bet. I had to win it."

"I just don't see what you have against Kai. He's really not that bad once you get to know him. You've got him pegged as Satan Incarnate."

"I don't have anything against Kai." I mumbled because I was beginning to see just how childish I had been in the car.

"Yeah well I doubt he thinks that."

Yeah like Kai cares what I- No, everyone cared what another thought of them, even when they said they didn't. It's human nature and I had been a serious bitch to Kai. Trying to tell myself that that was how the old me acted was a farce because the old me didn't purposely make people's lives a misery. The old me made jokes about herself to make others laugh. The old me could be petty but with reason. Kai hadn't given me one reason to act like a brat. If I was uncomfortable around him that was my own fault. He may not like me but at least he was never horrible to me so what right had I to pick on him? With a sigh, I made a mental note to apologise.

"He just gets on my nerves."

"Why?"

Tala sounded genuinely shocked by the fact that Kai annoyed me and yes, I could sort of see why. He didn't exactly set out to annoy anyone the way I did but still he did annoy me. He was always so…

"Amber are you going to hit me?"

I blinked and looked down at my hand which was indeed in a fist… Yikes. "I was thinking about throttling Kai." I answered sheepishly.

"Why? What has he done to piss you off so much?" He shook his head, almost as though he didn't want to hear my answer which I could understand I guess. Here's this new girl your trying to befriend who has for no particular reason, decided she hates your best friend since childhood. I could definitely understand his actions.

I blew out a breath and pressed my lips together, struggling for a good answer. "It's not him, or anything he's done it's simply that by being Kai, he's annoyed me. I don't understand it because he's not actually annoying but there's something that just makes me wanna…" I trailed off, I just couldn't explain it logically but that was normal for me. I never made sense to anyone, people just simply expected it.

"I'm sorry Tala, I'm not trying to put you in the middle of anything but something about Kai just gets under my skin. I'll try to be more mature about it. It's not even his fault. It's not as though he does it deliberately." I said the last part to myself, almost as though trying to convince myself that Kai had done nothing wrong and I was being unjustly mean but my god, he was frustrating. Then there was the fact that he sucked my finger!!

Tala jerked his shoulder and his arm came around me further, pulling me into the length of his body and I felt incredibly comfortable. It was strange that Tala was the first non male member of my family that I was quite happy to be cuddled against. Usually guys tried to get a girl close because they wanted to get to another base with them, there was none of that with Tala. Maybe with other girls he did that but never with me.

Sometimes I wondered if I should be insulted but most of the time I felt good about it. He didn't expect anything from me that I wasn't willing to give. Kai on the other… well he was not in the same boat. Sometimes I got the feeling he wanted something then other times I was so sure that he didn't want me in his life. If he would make his damn mind up my life would be so much easier.

We meandered through the crowd and pushed through clusters of people, all talking about random things such as current affairs, family troubles, school and the upcoming events. It was as I was pushing my way to the rail where the best view was, that I realized it was just me and Tala. I knew that Kai had dragged Miyami off because I saw him literally drag her off.

"Hey, do you know where Johnny and the others are?"

I looked over my shoulder to see Kai appear in the crowd behind us. He directed the question to Tala with a grin on his face that made me wonder at the answer.

Tala shook his head. "No, why?"

"They're in the fucking pub."

Tala rolled his eyes. "Seriously? What the hell? What was the point of coming here if they just were gonna sit in the pub. Sure, there's pubs at home."

"Well that's where he is. He just texted me."

Miyami shoved through the lines of people who shot her disgruntled looks, but she didn't seem to notice, too caught up in her own thoughts. Though the funny part was that Miyami, being quite tiny herself, was shoving and shouldering people out of her way. Something I would never do because I have the power of a twig in my upper body. But go twig power, it makes me oh, so bendy.

"Are we gonna meet up with them, then?"

I frowned. I didn't want to go to the pub. I came here to see the fireworks. That was why I came here, if they were just going to go to the pub then, in all likelihood, I would go too but the fireworks… If Mystel was here he'd follow through with the initial plan. The thought of beer wouldn't lure him away. I missed Mystel so much!

"The fireworks are starting." Tala informed us both and the crowds pushed forward because the fireworks are easier to see when you're underwater(!) "We'll go after. Ok?"

Almost as soon as he spoke, the first burst of light shot into the word and exploded into fantastic motes of light that illuminated the sky. It was shortly followed by more little bullets of light that exploded in the night, greens and reds that intermingled before they fizzled out. I watched each display with baited breath as many of the children did and enjoyed the brilliant colours.

Each whistle and bang followed by the gasps and exclamations of surprise sent a shocking thrill down my spine which was strange because I'd never had a physical reaction to fireworks before. Not like this anyway but then again, I had begun to appreciate life more since Mystels' death. It made me wonder if he enjoyed them as much or did it remind him of times when he had come to see the fireworks as a child. Did he miss that part of his life? I didn't dare ask.

Suddenly something wet hit my nose and for a second, I worried that it might be a drop from the river in front of us. The dirty, muddy, full of crap river until another drop hit and then another and soon we were being pelted with big, fat drops of rain that soaked into our clothes and ran along our scalps.

A universal groan of annoyance moved through the crowd but I ignored it, concentrating on the lights in the sky. A pressure eased off our backs and I realized that many of the parents were taking their children back to the car, unwilling to get them wet or cold. But we stayed where we were, staring up at the sky and nudging each other when a particularly good firework illuminated the night sky. Up on the hill opposite us, roman candles were shooting into the sky from private displays. A reminder that we weren't the only people in the whole of the county at that moment in time though it seemed as though we were.

After half an hour, the fireworks died off with an impressive burst of noise and light as it filled the night sky, overwhelming the velveteen darkness. It didn't fail to take our breaths away but the shortness always left me feeling slightly disappointed. When I had been a child the fireworks had been so big and bright and magical and now… now they were a package of chemicals that exploded colorfully. They lacked something. I guess that was part of growing up, you lost a love for all that was wistful and young. Still, I liked them well enough. It just didn't fill an evening.

I turned away as the crowds began to disperse and looked to them. "What now?"

Miyami rubbed her hands. "Pub?"

"Pub." Tala answered.

We shuffled down the street, not minding that our clothes were soaked through, our hair was limp -except for Tala's that seemed to remain in the same old shape… I have no idea how- and Miyami still looked as perfect as ever. If I was a jealous person, I would possibly hate her. Good thing I wasn't a jealous or vain person.

"So are you dressed as Jubilee or what?"

Miyami looked down at her searing yellow jacket and the Doc Martin boots, long black t-shirt and leggings. She was also wearing a pair of pink sunshades which is perfectly natural to wear on a dark Halloween night. "Yup."

"Cool."

"Well Arista suggested the game character theme."

"Yeah running around with a bikini and my hair braided didn't strike me as fun."

"No one said you had to be Rikku. Your idea for Tifa would have worked just fine and Shahero as Yuffie…" She trailed off as though it made perfect sense and didn't need to be debated anymore.

"I like my dead girl look."

"I don't think dead people look like that." She replied breezily. "They have way more style than credited with."

_What say you Mystel?_

Mystel materialized beside me and placed his arm around my waist, a strange feeling since I knew he couldn't really walk beside us but he gave the illusion that he could and I have to admit it disturbed me. Why was he still playing at being alive? Didn't that make things harder for him?

"_You saying you haven't noticed my style?"_

I bit the inside of my cheek. Yeah Mystel was really stylish tonight. He had seemed to discover how to change his outfit and was now wearing something vaguely Egyptian. Navy pants, t-shirt with a white linen tunic over it encrusted with gold at the collar and a reddish pink sash and belt. He even had pixyish shoes to go with it in the same red color. The big gold hoops, the gaudy gold bracelet and the gold mask completed the outfit.

I had to admit it was slightly bemusing to see him in full Halloween get up when Tala could only manage a seventies disco white and orange jumpsuit and a pair of earphones with a microphone attached and Kai couldn't manage anything at all. He was just dressed in his usual black ensemble. But he looked good so I guess that was the intention. He was probably planning on pulling a girl tonight anyway and looking like a dork would so scupper that plan. Unless the girl was Ming-Ming because I'm betting he could wear a chicken outfit and she'd still be happy.

We crossed the street making a rather cranky driver pamp his horn before we headed up the street towards mainstreet.

"So what pub are they in?"

"The Tavern." Kai answered.

"And that is where?"

"Up in the square." He answered leading us through the crowds of people moving like the tides, ever flowing to and fro. Pumpkins were sitting out side various establishments but they lacked the spookiness you saw in the American films. They didn't have faces and they lacked the lights, they were just pumpkins. Kind of sad actually that they were cut from the earth just to rot outside a hairdressers.

In the windows there were 'Happy Halloween' signs and paper skeleton's hung in the doors while other such decorations in the traditional colours were strewn here and there to make the scene more interesting. We moved up a side street that led onto the main street which had been closed off because of the festivities and the copious amounts of people who lined the streets. The presence of the PSNI was noticeable as they stood or wandered through the crowds with their stoic expressions and hands clutching their radio's in apprehension of any sort of problems.

"Shit look at them!"

We followed Miyami's finger and grinned at the sight of people on stilts dressed in clown outfits, witch ones and demons to boot. They were either blowing bubbles or tossing confetti down on top of people. On the street corner, a statue in silver and white was posing in for a photo with a group of teenage girls in skimpy outfits. It's Halloween, we live in Ireland, they're so going to be sick in the morning.

"Hey, are any of you going to Jordanstown?"

I shrugged. "When's that?"

"Next week."

I glanced at Miyami. She shrugged. "I guess if it gets out us out of class it can't be that bad."

"Ok, we're in."

"Kaye says she's only allowing those with four honour subjects to go."

"Ah sure then, we're ok."

Miyami nodded. "I've got four. Ams has just about got four."

"Ha, ha. My four chosen subjects are honours and so is English. I could be doing Honours Irish but it's a balls."

In front of us, Kai nudged Tala and motioned to something ahead of us. Another stilt walker but he looked a little stunted.

"Hey, look at this guy."

"Shit he's huge." Miyami whispered and I zeroed in on him, blinking in awe when he came closer. The guy wasn't on stilts.

"What height is he?"

"About seven foot."

"Yikes. Sucks to be him."

"Be careful you two, wouldn't want him to stamp on you. He might think you're ants."

"Says he who's not quite six feet. Aren't you kind of tiny Kai?"

"I am six foot."

"Minus an inch." Miyami snickered.

"5ft something… Kai you're tiny."

Tala chuckled. "Now girls don't be insulting his dick, that's just rude."

"You been looking Tala?"

"AMBER!"

I glanced over at Miyami who was bent double with laughter.

"Benson is there anyway to shut you up?"

"Sorry my batteries are rechargeable."

"I wasn't asking about your vibrator."

"KAI!"

I swallowed the chuckle and felt my face burn. Arrogant bastard. "I don't have a vibrator."

"That explains why you're such a frigid bitch."

OK, now that was uncalled for and beside me, I felt Miyami sober up while Tala shot him a dark look but Kai didn't seem to care, instead he just pushed open the door of dark red building. We followed him but I damn well wasn't pleased about it. What the fuck was his problem? Was he still pissed about the thing in the car? Because that happened an hour ago. Talk about holding a grudge!

Frigid? I wasn't frigid. Frigid implied that I was unresponsive to sex and how the fuck would he know anything about me during sex? Or it meant I was lacking warmth… sure it was a cold night but I'm not a cold person. And he's one to talk about frigidity anyways. The guy barely cracks a smile.

I entered the bar and looked around, enjoying the rusticity of it. People were standing by the bar, leaning against the rail that separated that area from the seating area behind. The lighting was gloomy and the walls were a dark red which just made the place seem cozier. From the stereo the _Killers_ were singing 'Jenny was a friend of mine' from their album _'Hot Fuss'_. We walked past the bar and moved towards the back where the area opened up into a seated area with a small stage in front of an empty fireplace. Books and guitars were attached to the stone wall above it. Looking up, I caught sight of feet through the railings which hinted that there was a top floor as well. Stairs led off at two points, one to the upstairs and another to the toilets.

We caught sight of Johnny sitting around a table with the others in front of the stage. Seemingly, despite everyone of them, bar Hitoshi, being underage, they had managed to get themselves drink. Glasses of beer and empty ones too, a couple of bottles of coke which probably had come with vodka and a few alcopops littered the table.

There were no seats around the table, in fact Shahero was sitting on Aspin's lap while Arista was on Sonia's and Ian and Enrique were sharing a stool. I crossed to Shahero and took a sip of her blue WKD.

"Hey, how did the fireworks go?"

"Aye, grand. You're probably seeing a few fireworks yourself."

She grinned. "Nah, not drunk enough yet."

I rolled my eyes. The fuck if I was carrying her home tonight. She could get Hitoshi to do that, he looked sober enough and not happy with it but he was driving so, tough shit on him. I'd reward him by letting him take care of Shahero. Not that she'd be happy about it but I wasn't planning on being in any better form.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

Her blue eyes narrowed and I shrugged, looking up when Miyami tapped my shoulder and motioned to an empty booth hidden in an alcove by the stairs. I nodded and told Shahero where I was going, only to see her grab her drink and follow us.

"Because you're of age."

Kai growled at Tala but eventually nodded as I approached to stand beside Miyami. "What do you all want?"

"Vodka and lime for me." Miyami shouted over the music.

"I'll have another one of these." Shahero held up her drink and Kai nodded, turning to look at me.

"No thanks."

"Pineapple Bacardi." Shahero answered for me as I moved to sit in the booth. I didn't want him buying me a drink. At this point, I didn't even want to talk to the asshole. Shit, I hadn't even been mean to him. He was just being a malignant jerk.

"I'll go help you." Miyami offered and basically dragged him off.

I moved to sit opposite Shahero in the booth before grimacing. The seat was wet. Oh well, Kai could sit there for all I cared. I moved around to sit beside Shahero and noticed her look. "The seat's wet."

"What's wrong with you and Kai?"

"He called me a frigid bitch."

"He didn't mean it Amber." Tala said as he slid into the edge of the booth opposite us. He was randomly tapping on his phone and muttering something with a shake of his head.

"It sounded like he did. I'm not frigid. And he knows I'm not. In fact he's the only person who fucking knows anything and he-" I broke off, realizing I'd said too much. But it was the truth. Kai knew about Mystel, the whole story so why had he been so goddamn cruel to me about my attitude?

"I'm going to kill him."

Yeah, like that would help. I shouldn't even be bothered by his words. They were just words and it wasn't like Kai was my favorite person. But I thought we were beginning to get along and now this. What was wrong with him?

"He was just lashing out. You insulted him first."

"No I didn't. I simply pointed out that he had no room to talk about height. So what if the guy was seven foot-"

"Seven foot? Did he stamp on you?"

"Fuck you Shahero."

She flashed a grin and I felt some of my temper edge away. The guy had been pretty tall. Extremely tall in fact. Like giant tall. I was half the size of the guy, almost. That's not a good size to be.

Miyami and Kai returned with bottles and glasses. Setting them down on the table Miyami ushered Tala up on his seat and Kai dropped down in the seat beside ME! Me! ME the girl he just insulted! The one who is still pissed off with him. It's obvious that this guy doesn't have a brain!

I inched closer to Shahero and tried to ignore the line of warmth against my left thigh which seemed to be the most sensitive at that moment in time. Miyami scowled and rolled her body to glare down at the space she was sitting.

"This seat is wet."

Shahero jerked a shoulder. "Once you have enough drink in you, you won't even notice."

Miyami considered that before nodding and taking a gulp of her drink. Sometimes I just don't understand this attitude. Sure I don't mind the odd alcopop and I do enjoy the buzz but I never get out of my mind drunk. I did once and spent the entire time falling over myself or having a slanging match with a bush or laughing at my finger. It's really not that inspiring.

"One, two, one, two."

"Three, four; Say it with me now. Three, four."

I couldn't help the snicker that trembled through my body as Johnny began to help the vocalist testing the mike with his counting.

"Oh god, not again."

"What not again?" I wondered as Miyami rolled her eyes.

"Johnny is going to spend the entire night comparing his band to them. Last time, they completely put the bassist off."

"The guy was a robot. You cannot be in a rock band and have no personality."

"Too bad, Kai."

Kai looked over at me before sipping his drink coolly and continuing his conversation with Tala which I couldn't hear because they were bent close together and talking in low murmurs. Every so often, Tala would break away with a laugh before sipping his drink and moving closer.

A flicker of movement caught my attention and I looked up the stairs at the group coming in from the fire exit. Yay, people I recognize!

"Hey!"

The leader of the group raised a cool brow before leaning over the banister behind Miyami's head. "Hey. How're you?"

"Not so bad. Yourself?"

"Ruin, don't you know you're supposed to dress up on Halloween? Oh wait, that is your costume."

Ruin shot Tala a baleful glare. "What are you? A Bee Gee's Reject?"

"With his voice he could certainly pass for one." Brooklyn snickered as he joined Ruin at the banister, which surprised me because I didn't think he and Ruin were together but then again, maybe they could still be friends. Go them and their mature outlook.

"Brooklyn, don't you have a blonde to fall on somewhere?" Shahero asked with barely concealed venom.

O-K. This is a rather awkward conversation. Brooklyn dismissed her comment and looked at me. "You ok?"

"Fine, yeah."

I nodded as Ruin motioned to Brook that they were going to find a seat, she looked over to me and waved before she headed down the stairs and meandered through the tables. Man she's cool. I wished I could have an ounce of her dignity but alas, I would always be known as the oh so chipper one.

"Do you want a lift home tonight?"

I froze. Oh shit. Do I stay here with my friends or go with Brooklyn who… well I feel really comfortable with?

"She's fine. Kai'll give her a lift home, right?" Tala spoke up, looking to his spaced out friend who glanced round the table, lingering on my face for a moment longer than necessary before he nodded abruptly.

That decides it. Brooklyn it is. "That's ok, Kai, I don't want to put you out or anything."

"Sure Hitoshi is going to be leaving me home." Shahero pointed out, her voice going bitter on Hitoshi's name.

"You can crash at Kai's." Miyami offered. "We always do."

"Ok, sure Hitoshi will be leaving me at Kai's. It won't be putting anyone out if you tagged along."

"I know but…" What was I supposed to say? I couldn't choose between them. I knew they didn't like Brooklyn but I did. Oh god, I'm going to wash my mouth out with soap and water but I did like Brooklyn. I wasn't happy about it but Brooklyn was someone I could trust. He had been there at a crucial time in my life. I couldn't just pick someone over him.

I could feel everyone staring at me and I was beginning to really feel uncomfortable. In fact I was beginning to feel light headed and sick. Not a good combination with alcohol swimming in my blood.

"Let her go with him." Kai growled without looking at any of us, instead he just stared moodily into the remainder of his beer.

"Will you be going soon?"

Brooklyn shrugged rubbing his chin. "I suppose in an hour or so. Why you tired?"

"I kind of am."

He nodded. "Fine. Come over when you wanna go."

"Thanks."

He moved off into the crowd, nodding and bending over people he knew to talk to them while the band started up playing something by REM.

"Amber, are you sure you don't want to crash with us?"

"No… I um…"

"Leave her alone. If she doesn't want to hang with us, then leave it." Kai growled.

Why do I think I've pissed him off? I shouldn't have. He's the one who always, always makes me feel unwelcome around him and his friends. He called me a frigid bitch, not the other way round. He sucked my finger! Not the other way round. In fact I've been darn nice to him and he's been nothing but a jerk and now he's upset that I don't want to hang around with him? What does he expect? I'm not mother Teresa and I will not take shit from anyone… except maybe… I dunno, I'm sure I've taken shit from someone but not from Kai 'I think I'm so good' Hiwatari. Who's middle name is Nicolai. Yeah, I know his middle name… I need to stop knowing things about him.

"It's not that. It's just I rarely ever see Brooklyn and I hardly get to talk to Ruin because you all treat like crap and I'm sorry, but I think Ruin's dead on and Brooklyn and I have known each other for years. He was my boyfriend's best friend, I think that means I know him just a little better than you all do. So excuse me, but I'm going to talk to him." I stood up and grabbed my drink, turning and waiting for Kai to get up. He did and moved out of the booth so I could pass him with ease.

"Are you always going to choose your past over your present?"

I froze as Kai's hot breath tickled my ear as his deep voice reverberated through my body. I shook off his comment and headed for Brooklyn's corner booth just as Miyami asked Shahero about my boyfriend. Oops. Probably shouldn't have mentioned that. Oh well, I'll deal with that once I get back to school if I have to. Right now, I was more interested in hanging out with Brooklyn and Ruin who were sitting with Garland, Li Tanaka and Hitoshi funnily enough. Not your most usual group.

"You decided to join us?"

"Hey!" I greeted them chipperly, waving to Li and causing him to roll his eyes. Years and years of annoying him at every sleep over, school afternoon and summer -basically every day of his life- had caused him to become weary of me. Too bad. But he's bound to have missed me. Imagine months without me in his life. It had to be desolating.

"Hey Li!"

"Amber. How are you?"

"God so formal, Li. Once upon a time I was just like your little sister."

"You still are like my little sister. You're both crack heads."

"LI! That's just cruel. I have at least two more brain cells than Mariah does." I exclaimed making a 'v' gesture with my fingers.

"She sounds so proud of that fact." Hitoshi murmured to Brooklyn who smirked.

"I am proud." I retorted, rolling my shoulders and resisted the urge to scratch the phantom itch between my shoulder blades. "Is Hiwatari glaring at me?"

Brooklyn nonchalantly lifted his gaze to sweep the room before he took a drink from his pint glass and nodded. "Yeah. Why?" He asked not even bothering to look at me, but instead focusing on the people moving towards and from the bathroom stair case.

"He seems to have taken it personally that I came to sit over here." I grumbled.

Brooklyn rolled his eyes and shifted closer to me, motioning for me to lean in. "Be careful with him. He's… Just be careful around him."

Um… K. Before I could form a response to that a familiar song burst from the guitarist and I perked up. "Hey, Brook do you know that song?"

Brooklyn frowned then nodded with a roll of his eyes. "Yeah, we tried singing that once." He explained to the table who all listened which was interesting. Brooklyn really seemed to be respected amongst these people. It was strange and at the same time, seemed natural. During his teenage years, he was rather awkward, prone to his dark moods but he has this natural grace that people tend to admire. He always had this natural skill and everyone envied that but he never did himself any favors when he was conceited about his talents but he seems to have mellowed since Mystel died. I guess death puts a lot of things in perspective.

"Key word, tried."

He snorted amused. "Yeah it was pretty embarrassing."

I grinned and then looked up when Ruin nudged Brooklyn who looked over the room. He looked to me and motioned to look as well.

"Is that Mariam Magee?"

I frowned at the bluenette sitting on Kai's knee and nodded dumbly. I didn't expect anyone to be that cosy with Kai. Maybe they were dating. He certainly seemed to have no problems with her being there and then his eyes met mine and I looked away. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea.

"That's her. How does she know them?"

"She was in the year ahead of us." Ruin informed me. Oh right she went to boarding school. I never linked Tori Comprehensive with Mariam for some reason though I knew it had boarding students. Ming-Ming was one.

"So she was in your year Hitoshi?"

Hitoshi leaned over the table and I had to repeat what I said over the music before he nodded. "She and Kai dated for a year and then broke up, they're still friends though."

I nodded processing the information. This was good. Mariam was my friend from Band. Technically she was more Mystel and Max's friend than mine. But through them, I got to know her better and our friendship grew from there. But since she dated Kai, that meant I might finally figure out what went on in his head.

I snuck a glance back and as though she felt me looking, she met my gaze and her face lit up. She beckoned me over and I shook my head, which got awkward when I noticed the rest of the table had turned to look and see who Mariam was talking to. With a sigh, I got to my feet, told Brooklyn were I was going before I walked back over to the table.

"Amber! Lovely Amber." Mariam must have had a couple of drinks in her. She's only this jovial with alcohol, the rest of the time she was a kick ass bitch who wouldn't dream of hugging me. Though I had to admit, her perfume was nice.

"Where's Mari?" Oh so tipsy. She always called Mariah, Mariah because she joked that Mari had been her nickname first, her being older than me and Mariah being younger still.

"Grounded at home."

"Really? I'll have to have a word with Li-Li." Really, really tipsy.

"Li-Li is over there."

"So? Oh do you know my friend Kai? And that's Miyami, and Shahero and that guy there is Tala and this is Kai!"

I waved mindlessly at them, really unable to drag my gaze away from really-really-tipsy Mariam.

"OH! Brooklyn!! I can see Brooklyn!"

Oh god, Mariam's voice should not squeak like that. "Considering he's just sitting over there, I'm sure you can."

She reached up and tugged me down to her, almost smashing my head against Kai's nose only he moved at the last second so instead he was breathing on my hair and Mariam was talking to my chest. "Do I like Brooklyn?" She asked in a stage whisper.

"I don't know."

"Neither do I. Sometimes I don't like him. Oh-" Oh not another 'Oh'.

Miyami was chuckling in the corner while Shahero talked animatedly to her about something. Suddenly a hand closed about my waist and I was pulled down onto Tala's lap. Hello!

"I was getting fed up looking at your ass."

I angled my head to glare at him. "Are you complaining about my ass?"

"No it's a cute ass but I didn't want it in my face."

Before I could reply Mariam bellowed: "Good, you and Tala make a great couple."

Oh god. I turned and covered my burning face with my hand. This is so beyond awkward. This is why I never talk to drunk people unless I'm drunk and since I'm rarely drunk… well you do the math.

"You should kiss her."

I looked startled at Tala who grinned but when he leaned in, I pushed him gently back. "I don't think so."

"Why not? Don't you like Tala?"

"Yeah in a friend way."

"Oh. Someone needs to kiss. Everyone will be happy if they kiss."

"How many drinks have you had?"

Mariam contemplated this then shrugged. "Not enough. The night is young."

"It's like after eleven."

"Yeah but eleven is young. We're eighteen."

"You're eighteen. I'm only seventeen."

"But that's years older then eleven."

"Maybe you should cut down 'Riam." Kai commented, taking the bottle she was waving about gently from her hand.

She nodded seriously. "Wanna dance?"

"There's no dance floor." He replied, outmaneuvering her hands that were trying to grab him to pull him out to dance. He batted one away and glared at her but there was a patience to it. "You don't like dancing Riam."

"I had a bad week at college. My lecturer hates me. I don't like Dublin. It's so big and… Amber, why do I never see you anymore?"

"I moved to Ballykuten Mariam and you're in Dublin."

"Dublin is such a hell hole. Capital city my arse."

"Well if you want to call your arse the capital city then ok." I gave her two thumbs up and Tala shook with laughter under me.

Mariam nodded determinedly then pushed up from Kai, lurching slightly towards the booth I had been sitting at. Poor guys were going to have to put up with a really drunk Mariam. I felt bad for her. It's not good that she doesn't like her university.

"What's she studying?" Kai asked me.

"She's at the teacher training college."

"It's too bad she doesn't like it." Tala mused.

"Yeah but it's only the first term. Maybe things will get better after a while. Technically I just don't think she likes the crowds and there are more girls in that school than boys and Mariam and girls never really got along." That's not to say that Mariam's a slut, she's anything but. She just has a brother and male cousins so she's just more comfortable with boys. So am I to an extent.

"How do you know her?"

"She's from Rathglen."

Wow my voice just got really deep and smooth. No wait that was Kai. My bad. I turned to berate him when I caught his expression of concern. I looked over my shoulder to see Mariam dash up the stairs and I sighed, getting up to chase after her. God knows what could happen to her.

* * *

An hour later, Brooklyn pulled up to the Rathglen cemetery gates. Why were we here you ask? Because after holding Mariam's hair back for her while she upchucked, I took her down and Hitoshi offered to drive her home. Shahero taking my place in Kai's car. It was as I was turning to head back into the pub that I saw Mystel standing on the pavement with a worried expression. Just as I was about to ask him what was up, he flickered once, twice, three times then was gone. Just gone.

I couldn't hear him. I couldn't see him. I couldn't feel him anymore. He was just gone.

So I had righteously freaked out big time, before I ran into the pub to get Brooklyn much to the concern of my friends. I mean a crazy woman runs into your pub bawling her eyes out, you'd get a little worried too. However, Brooklyn calmed them down and offered to take me home. Not impressing Tala or Shahero who were adamant that I stay with them until Brooklyn said Mystels' name to Shahero. She had backed off and took the others with her.

To be honest, we didn't know where to look for him but something in me kept hinting at his grave. I didn't think it would hurt to investigate so Brooklyn and I got into his car and he drove us the half hour trip to Rathglen's graveyard. Which was where we were now, staring at the prim white country church, the brown oak doors, black iron gates and white washed wall.

"Can you feel him?"

"Honestly… no." I whispered, trying to keep myself calm but it took effort. Everything inside me was clawing at me, ripping me to shreds, demanding that I release the emotions pounding at me. I folded my arms across my chest in an attempt to stop my ribs from shattering under the overwhelming emotions. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms but it wasn't enough to beat back the bone chilling numbness sweeping through me. If Mystel was gone, what would I do?

We stepped through the gates, the creaking sound echoing through the empty cemetery cloaked in darkness. The only light came from the pale moon that was edging out from behind a cloud and the orange lights in the grass that were angled up at the church. I swallowed hard, not liking the atmosphere or the way goosebumps prickled my flesh. During the day this place is so tranquil and lovely but tonight it was cold and sharp.

"What if he's not here?" I voiced the question that had been plaguing me during the journey. What if he was gone forever? I didn't think I could cope losing him again. Not so suddenly. I knew he would have to go sometime but not now. I didn't even get to say goodbye.

"There's not much point thinking about that." Brooklyn replied grimly as he led me around the side of the church.

My feet slipped on the wet tarmac and somewhere close an owl hooted while a bat fluttered through the night sky. It was so strange to be here at night. Especially on All Hallows Eve. I inched closer to Brooklyn for security. He didn't seem at all spooked until he came to an abrupt halt. With hope warring against fear, I stepped around him and stared at where Mystels' grave was positioned beside his grandparents.

I felt the tears rise, felt my chest constrict violently as I stared at the empty space. Hesitantly I stepped forward, scanning the near by graves but there was nothing. Mystel was gone. He was really gone. And I was left behind.

"Is he there?"

A whimper passed my lips as I felt my heart break all over again and I fell back against Brooklyn. How could I tell him that Mystel was really gone? After everything, he had grieved Mystel but I was the one who hadn't let go. I was the one who made him believe Mystel was there and now… now he would have to grieve his friend again. All because I couldn't just keep it to myself. I felt a shudder wrack his body and I turned in his arms as he held me tightly. A swell of grief washed over me, sweeping me along in its undercurrents.

I couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. Couldn't stop the tears.

Mystel was gone. Mystel was really gone.

"Uh, Amber, I think something's wrong."

I looked up at Brooklyn, then slowly turned to look at what had made him pale so significantly. Oh god. "Oh my god."

Mystel stood before me in front of his graveyard looking distraught as he stared at us with beseeching eyes. "I don't know what's wrong?"

"You're…"

"Oh my god."

"I don't Gods going to be able help." Brooklyn bit out roughly, his voice choked with emotion.

Mystel just continued to stare at us. "I'm…"

"Yeah you're…"

"Alive." I whispered, breaking away from Brooklyn to approach him slowly, sure my eyes were playing tricks. It had to be just wishful thinking but he looked so solid and I could feel his presence not in my head but here in the graveyard. "Oh my god."

"Stop saying that. What's going on?"

"I don't know, Brooklyn." I snapped peevishly. I didn't know anymore than he did. I had just been grieving my boyfriend's death again and here he was, standing in front of us looking as alive as I was. Oh wow. "Wait a minute," I started, whirling on Brooklyn. "You can see him?"

"Considering he's standing right there." Brooklyn growled, eyes flashing. I didn't know why he was so pissed then again, believing his friend's a ghost and then seeing his friend pretty alive would have been a shock to anyone I suppose.

"Oh wow." I whispered looking back at Mystel. He looked so good. So alive. So bright and shiny that I just had to touch him. I reached tentatively afraid he would disappear. As though sensing my fear, he caught my hand and I jolted at the heat of his hand. It was so firm and large and warm. So warm with blood and life.

Another whimper passed my lips and I covered my mouth embarrassed but oh… I sucked in a shuddering breath and continued to greedily take in every nuance of him. He was trembling and his eyes were shimmering with tears. Oh god.

I suddenly was pressed against him, nuzzling his neck, breathing in the scent of him and feeling the length of his body against mine. He felt so good. So alive. I keep saying that but since he had been dead for almost nine months, I think I had a reason to. His skin was so soft and smooth and hot and his hair, I loved his hair. I squeezed him tighter and felt him reciprocate before he nudged me back and sought my lips. Mmm… The kiss was just as I remembered and had longed for, for so long. Sweet, fresh and deliberate without being forceful. His hands were feather light on my waist as he held me to him, no need for pressure, no fear that I would pull away. Not that he had to worry, I eagerly responded, tasting every space of his mouth, nipping at the firmness of his lips. My Mystel.

We broke apart for air and the sound of him breathing was like music to my ears. I nuzzled his shoulder again to stop him from seeing the tears. I didn't want to ruin the moment. He was alive. A sound behind me caught my attention and I looked over my shoulder. Brooklyn stood there awkwardly and my heart went out to him. I caught Mystel's look and nodded, moving out of his arms -though it was so hard- to allow Brooklyn some space.

He looked nervously between the two of us, almost unsure what to say or do before Mystel smiled at him and that was all it took. In a few strides, Brooklyn had him wrapped in a hug that made my heart ache. I had spent so much time believing I was the only one hurting but Brooklyn was probably worse than I was. Mystel had been his brother as well as his friend, and seeing him there hugging Mystel and shaking violently, I realized that everything I had felt, Brooklyn had felt too but he hadn't had the luxury of being able to talk to Mystel the way I did.

But that brought other questions to mind. What had happened? Why was Mystel… alive? I saw him die. I was there when he fell. He couldn't just come back from the dead. It was impossible. But I held my tongue. Now wasn't the time to ask these questions.

"How did this happen?" Or maybe it was, I thought dryly as Brooklyn pulled back to stare down at Mystel. "How are you here?"

Mystel shrugged and moved over to the gravestone with his name engraved. Now that's morbid. I mean seriously, that's pretty insensitive. Reminding us he's dead while being alive? Tit. "I don't know. I just felt so strange and light-"

"Considering you were a ghost, that's not such a big difference."

"Yeah and you were pretty puny as a human." Brooklyn added and I knew he was trying to lighten the moment, though there were still traces of tears on his cheeks but I didn't see them. Nope, they didn't exist at all.

"Oh that's very mature." Mystel said with a roll of his beautiful blue eyes. "Anyway the last thing I remembered was seeing Amber on the street and then… well I woke up here."

"Like that?"

He nodded. "Like this."

"Does your neck hurt?"

He shook his head. "Actually, I don't feel much. I don't feel cold. I don't feel hungry but I would kill for something to eat. I miss food. I miss tasting food. I would kill for some food."

Brooklyn rolled his eyes and pulled out a bar from the inside of his white jacket. Oh and Brooklyn dressed up for Halloween. White three quarter length jacket and white trousers with black wings. Reason? He's a fallen angel… Uh, don't ask. It was Ruin's idea. Supposedly Garland had been dressed as a body builder, I didn't really notice that. He had on a tight fitting tank and loose black pants but that didn't scream body builder to me and Li was some traditional Chinese dude with sandals and a lot of bandages. Again, don't ask.

He handed Mystel the chocolate bar which he unwrapped feverishly before he took a bite of it, closing his eyes in pure bliss.

"Great, when you're through having your orgasmic experience, would you finish your story?"

I snickered at Brooklyn's dry quip, flushing when Mystel met my eyes. Then I sobered when a thought occurred. "Why didn't we see you earlier?"

"I hid. Seemed like the logical thing to do. I couldn't exactly go wandering about, Ams, people think I'm dead."

I refrained from saying that he _was_ dead. Though technically now he wasn't. How were we going to explain this?

"How long will it last?"

Mystel frowned at Brooklyn's question but it was a reasonable one, one that did need an answer. "You think it won't last?"

Brooklyn sighed with a shrug. "How long has it been since you woke up here?"

"Twenty minutes now I guess, maybe longer."

Brooklyn turned his wrist to look at his watch. "So you changed around midnight?"

"You think it has something to do with Halloween?" I blurted out, unable to stop myself. That was a pretty farfetched leap to make by our levelheaded Brooklyn. "Don't get me wrong, I believe there's magic in Halloween but to change Mystel into a living, breathing person?"

"Maybe he's not quite living and breathing. I hate to point this out but your grave is undisturbed."

"Meaning?"

I frowned, trying to figure out what Brooklyn was trying to tactfully point out. Oh. Oh! Right, usually when a corpse was raised from the dead, the grave was messed up. You see evidence of this in Buffy and most especially in The Crow where Eric comes back from the dead to avenge his and his wife's murder. However, somehow I found it difficult to believe that Mystel was coming back from the dead to avenge himself. I mean, he died in an accident. And he wasn't a vampire either. "So you think his body is still down there?"

Brooklyn shrugged but I got the meaning. He did think that, he just didn't want to say so in front of Mystel.

"So you're saying that he's not alive? That this isn't real?" I stalked over to Mystel and yanked him to his feet and shoved him in front of Brooklyn. "Doesn't he look real to you? Doesn't he feel real?"

"I'm just trying to see this for what it really is. I don't want you two getting your hopes up."

Mystel ducked his head and I wanted to hit Brooklyn for disappointing him like this, then he sighed heavily. "I guess Brooklyn makes a point. I don't feel like this is real. Something feels off to me. Maybe this is a gift while the spirit world is close. Maybe this is my chance to say a proper goodbye."

"Then your parents should be here and other people too."

"I don't think I have much time."

"This sucks."

Mystel chuckled softly but that didn't disguise the pain in his eyes. He had wanted to believe that it was real, that he was alive but people didn't come back from the dead. Not even special people who didn't deserve to die.

"Why would someone, say a higher power, allow you to come back now? I mean, you've been haunting me for ages and… Why have you been haunting me?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. I just… I was just here one day. I don't remember anything before hand apart from the day I died."

"So there's no pearly gates?"

He jerked a shoulder looking suddenly lost and confused. I caught his hand and rubbed the soft inside of his wrist with my thumb. I couldn't stop touching him. It had been so long since I had.

"Would you stop nuzzling him?"

"He smells good and warm." I muttered embarrassedly, pulling back from Mystels' neck to glare at Brooklyn.

Mystel chuckled and slipped his arm around me which was nice but I couldn't hold his hand anymore. I scowled and reached over for his other hand, causing Brooklyn to roll his eyes. "You're worse than before."

"Shut it."

"I just don't get why you came back. I understand you didn't get to say goodbye but you're more vocal than most ghosts and you're completely visible to Amber who's never seen a ghost before in her life so it's not as though she's got any special powers."

"I was his girlfriend."

"Yeah and I was his friend, his brother and his parents adored him. You're not more important than we are. We miss him just as much."

Hello, little green eyed monster!

"Maybe I do have a reason for staying around."

"What?"

"I just don't know."

"Fine, we find out."

I scowled at that. "No, we don't. If he doesn't go back to being a ghost, then fine, we'll look. If he does go back to being a ghost, we so will not."

"Why not? Don't you want to know why he's sticking around?"

"I don't care. Point is he's here and if you find out why, he'll go. I don't want that, you insensitive prick."

"And while he's stuck, you'll grow old and die and leave him on his own."

"So I'll become a ghost too."

"Amber!" He growled while I shivered as a nippy breeze picked up, blowing through my still damp clothes. "Let's discuss this in the car. It'll be warmer there."

Who died and made him the leader? I leaned into Mystel as we walked back around the church, casually looking out for cars but this late at night it was rare for anything to come down this road.

"You smell nice."

I chuckled softly at Mystel's comment before stiffening when he gasped. I grabbed him as he stumbled, hands falling in front of him to catch himself if he fell. "Mystel!"

Brooklyn whipped round and came back to us, taking Mystel over to the church to sit him down by the wall.

"Is he dying?" Oh please don't let him be dying. I don't want him to die. Please don't let him die. Not again.

Mystel shook his head and held up a hand. "I'm ok… I'm-" He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. "Okay. I'm ok."

"What happened?"

"I dunno. It just seemed the closer I got to the gates, the more out of breath I became and these spots started dancing in front of my eyes and it was just like before."

I exchanged a worried look with Brooklyn. Shit hell. What were we going to do?

"Sounds like we're not leaving the graveyard."

"But we can't stay here all the time. Mystel can't stay here forever. People will get freaked out."

"If there is a man upstairs, this seems like a really stupid situation to me." Mystel sighed, slumping back and resting his head against the pebble-dashed wall as stared up at the sky. I sat down beside him.

"Yeah, the least he could have done was give you an instruction manual."

"I thought you didn't believe in the man upstairs."

"Piss off Brooky."

"Don't fight."

"Right, we're wasting time. Ok, so Mystel turned into a pumpkin at midnight, no wait that was Cinderella. Ok you turned human at midnight. You can't leave the graveyard and… what is the point of this?"

"To say goodbye."

"No, that's not the point. There's something we're missing."

"If there is a big plan, which there probably isn't, Benson. You're reading way too much into this."

"Just like I was imagining Mystel haunting me. Well he's sitting right there so tell me if I'm imagining him!"

"Fine." Brooklyn bit out before stalking away and swinging back to us. "But I don't think there's any hidden motives. We've just been mixed up in a freaky little scene and-"

"My god, you think we've crashed and are now hallucinating in our coma's."

Brooklyn's eyes darkened and I knew coma was a bad word to say. Mystel jerked a shoulder drawing our attention back to him. "I didn't hallucinate in mine, but I heard you two talking to me. And mum and Dad. They're not so close anymore. I've been watching. They blame themselves and each other. They won't communicate."

"Oh! Maybe you came back to tell us that… no wait you could have told me that before. How come you never told me that?" I glared at him peeved before dismissing the question with a wave of my hand. "Ok, so maybe it's Brooklyn you have something to say to. Do you want something from him?"

Mystel shook his head in pure bewilderment. "Maybe it's just a freak Halloween thing."

"If it's one of those Halloween Midnight things, then it'll be over at one."

"Like the man in the mirror?" There's this folklore that if you look into a mirror at midnight on Halloween with a candle, you'll see the man you're going to marry. Since I'm freaked about seeing anything in a mirror on Halloween, I have not tested that theory and am unlikely to. Too many weird things have been happening recently to risk it.

"If you want. So that gives us roughly 10 minutes before you… well do whatever you're going to do."

"Don't die." I growled.

Mystel smiled weakly at me and sighed. "I don't know what's going on. Part of me just wants to… I just want some kind of closure. If I'm dead, then I want to move on. I can't remain in limbo forever."

"But you're with me."

"You won't always be satisfied with that. You need more."

Brooklyn shot me a look as I went to retort and the words froze on the tip of my tongue. It was unfair for Mystel to have to watch me move on while he stayed in the same place, or limbo.

"I guess you're right. But there must be a reason you're not moving on Mystel. I guess we have to find out what it is."

"But how? Where do you start?"

"I don't know." I reached up and stroked his cheek the way I had wanted to for so long and he smiled at me, one of those beautiful smiles that made me warm inside.

"We'll figure it out." Brooklyn mused as he settled himself down onto the ground beside us.

Silently we sat there, each of us holding Mystels' hand as we gazed up at the night sky. Lost in thoughts of what was going on, we didn't notice the time slipping past us until Mystel groaned.

"Oh no."

Not again. It was too soon. Far too soon. Couldn't he have another hour? This was hardly enough time. I had things I wanted to do. Things I wanted to say.

Mystel grimaced and pressed a hand to his stomach. Brooklyn rose to his hunkers, watching Mystel fearfully. I shifted onto my feet as well, crouching low to keep an eye on Mystel. Maybe if we both held onto him, he wouldn't be able to leave us. He couldn't change into a ghost with both of us holding him, could he?

"This isn't fair."

Brooklyn and Mystel looked at me, probably as surprised as I was. I didn't even realize I had spoken until the words popped out of my mouth and then suddenly, they were there hanging in the air that tasted of rain. Mystel silently nodded, getting to his feet with Brooklyn's help. He shuffled over to me and his arms came around me, as I hugged him as though my entire life depended on hanging onto him, which I guess it did.

"I know." He whispered into my hair, tickling the strands on my neck. I choked back a sob and gripped him tighter. "Things will turn out for the best. We just have to be positive."

"Well I can at least rely on you to be that." He was the most upbeat person I knew. Even death didn't get him down. That had to say something.

"Three minutes."

Mystel tilted my head up and kissed me hard on the mouth, so hard my lips vibrated with the force of it. I kissed him back before he broke it quickly.

"I miss you." I whispered against his lips.

"I love you." Already he was beginning to feel strange in my arms. I backed away from him and allowed Brooklyn to give him one of those manly one arms hugs complete with back slapping.

"Take care Brook and try talking to her."

"I don't know-" At Mystel's pointed look, Brooklyn sighed and rolled his shoulders gallantly. "I'll try."

Should I tell Arista that Brooklyn's being advised by a ghost to talk to her? Or should I just tell her that Brooklyn wants to talk to her? I should probably tell her nothing. It's their problem after all. Instead I have my own ones, such as my beautiful, gorgeous boyfriend fading away before us. Silver trails of tears slid silently down Brooklyn's face and I could almost hear his heart breaking again. Poor, poor Brooklyn.

I looked down as a hand gripped mine and I looked up at Brooklyn and tightened my grasp to try and offer him some comfort as Mystel began to disappear before our eyes. I was choked by the tears that threatened to fall, biting my lip to suffocate any sobs that wanted to break free. It hurt to see the wall through him. It hurt to see him become more and more transparent.

And then with a small wry smile, he was gone. Just gone. After so long, after everything he was finally gone and- What would I do now? How was I supposed to just go home and pretend everything was normal again? Mum had brought me to Ballykuten in the hopes that all the memories wouldn't haunt me but here I was losing Mystel all over again. And I just couldn't cope. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. Why now? I wasn't ready yet. Didn't anyone understand that? I needed Mystel. He was my everything and I had him even after death and it still wasn't enough. Maybe it never would have been.

Maybe that was the point. He never did get to say goodbye to us. Now that he had, I guess, his life was finally over. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair.

"You ok?"

"Not really." I whispered, unaware that my voice could sound so soft and tiny. I felt empty and cold and so lost, abandoned I suppose but I couldn't tell Brooklyn that. I had pulled him into this mess, it really wasn't fair to him but it seemed like such a good idea at the time. I obviously never thought the whole thing through, too pleased with the fact that I had Mystel back and now we were both suffering from his loss. Again.

A cloud eclipsed the moon and cast the grave into gloomy darkness but still we stood there, even as the rain began to fall, first one drop, then another until a soft curtain was shifting over the countryside around us.

"We should probably go."

"Yeah." And it was as if it hadn't happened or maybe it was because we were both too numb and in shock to talk about it. We turned slowly back towards the gate, our feet making scuffing sounds against the slippery wet tarmac. I shivered slightly as the breeze picked up and wet rivulets trickled down my scalp and my face. The entire graveyard felt empty and void of life. The dead don't have a presence, well not the truly dead.

"What do we do now?" I wondered as I strapped on the seatbelt.

"We go back to the way thing were." Brooklyn replied.

"And you can just do that? Move on and forget what just happened? It's not fair. He was human for just another hour and why? Who controls those things?"

"Amber, just leave it." Brooklyn ordered, switching on the ignition and slipping the car into the first gear, before he lifted the handbrake and eased the car away from the cemetery.

If you believe in God, you could say it was part of his grand scheme. Doesn't he have one for everyone? It would just be easier to complete if he would give everyone an instruction sheet. But if you don't believe in God then what? Something, a higher power somewhere is controlling things and they, he/she, whoever, helped Mystel come back in the first place and in turn helped him become real and solid for that one hour. Mystel certainly didn't do it. He didn't even know how it happened.

And why? What was the purpose? There must be a reason, mustn't there? It just seems so unfair that someone was playing with our lives, or emotions for kicks? Or was there? I just didn't know what to believe. Everything just seemed so pointless and unfair. How did I just go back to normal after everything that had happened?

"_You just have to go on, Ams."_

I whipped round and there he was sitting in the middle of the back seat, arms propped on ours and eyes watching me soberly with the hint of a smile.

"MYSTEL!"

What?!" Brooklyn's head looked round so fast I'm sure he snapped it before he yanked the car onto the shoulder of the road, catching the bottom on a large sod of grass. "

"He's back." I choked out, drinking in the sight of my ghostly boyfriend. I glanced over to Brooklyn and watched his eyes scan the backseat and my heart broke. He still couldn't see him. Why? It wasn't fair to Brooklyn. Didn't he deserve to see Mystel? Why did he just have to act on blind faith?

Then Brooklyn's eyes seemed to focus on the spot where Mystels' head was and his face turned as white as a sheet. Oh god. He could see him. I could swear it.

"Can you see him?"

"NO!" Brooklyn snapped out a little frantically, snapping back around in his seat to clutch the steering wheel in a white knuckle grip.

"You can!"

"No I cannot. This is not normal."

He really could. This is great. This is amazing and judging by Mystel's gaze he couldn't quite believe it as he stared at his best friend.

"Hate to break it to you, but we're not normal. And you handled your dead best friend coming back to life for an hour better than you're handling seeing his ghost."

"Stop calling him dead!" Brooklyn shouted.

"_Um, Brooklyn, I kind of am."_

_Not kind of, you are dead._

"_Doesn't mean I have to like it."_

Yeah that was true. But Brooklyn could see him. Maybe that was the reason he came back to life so that he could become a ghost that Brooklyn could see. Maybe it was like a leveling up thing.

"_I'm not a pokémon."_

I saw Brooklyn cringe and sighed. "Look, Brooklyn Mystel can hear my thoughts so yeah, he's going to blurt out random things. I thought he was a figment of my imagination so I got into the habit of thinking things to him but…" He couldn't be in my imagination because Brooklyn could see him and he was solid for an hour. I grinned and began to clap giddily. Unable to help the emotional outburst. Then I sobered.

"How are you feeling anyway?"

Mystel seemed to consider that for a moment. "_Honestly, I don't know how to feel. I suppose it will hit me in a few days. I was human and I could feel and touch and now that's all gone. I miss it and I feel like I've been hard done by but at the same time… Amber, I think there's a reason I'm here. There has to be."_

"But what is it?" Brooklyn finally asked, turning round after parking the car and putting on the hazard lights.

"_I don't know. Yet._"

"Well usually ghosts come back because they have something left to do."

"_But what have I left to do? I basically achieved anything I wanted to. I found love, everyone wants that no matter how cynical they are. I was happy. I got good grades. I had a good relationship with my parents."  
_

"Your parents. Maybe you've come back to get them to communicate again."

"_I guess. But like you said, I could have gotten you to do that before._"

"It never occurred to you that to pass over you would have to make them happy again." Ok yeah, even to me that sounded a little too Walt Disney to my ears but what else could it be? "Oh I don't know."

Brooklyn sighed and rested his head back against the head rest. "It just seems like it should be a little more complicated than that."

"Fixing a marriage is complicated. Look at my parents."

"Yeah but… Maybe you're right."

"You're just trying to make it more important than it might need to be. Maybe it really is as simple as fixing their marriage and Mystel gets to move on." I really didn't like the idea of that but he couldn't haunt me forever. I would eventually grow up and die and- "Hey maybe I'm going to die and you're here to guide m- OW! Fuck you Brooklyn."

"Don't say that. Don't _ever_ say that!"

My face grew hot under his violent cold words and my arms felt sore and bruised under his strong grip but dumbly I nodded, vaguely understanding in the back of my stunned mind that he was upset with my careless -but perfectly plausible- words.

"_She didn't mean it Brook. You know Ams, she always speaks before thinking."_ Mystel soothed the savage beast and slowly his grip eased and I slumped against my seat feeling severely berated. It wasn't as though I meant to upset Brooklyn. I honestly didn't. I didn't know he'd react like that to me dying.

"You don't get to cop out like that Benson and if you even think of taking the easy-"

Oh hello. "I'm not thinking of committing-"

"way out. You're not the only one who-"

"suicide."

"_You think of killing yourself?_" Mystel demanded, eyes wide and shocked. I gaped at him then stared at Brooklyn. Surely he wouldn't. He couldn't. Oh god. How hadn't I known.

"I did. But I'm over that now."

You don't get over thinking about suicide. If you think about it once, it's like a cancer that eats at you and though you might beat it, there's always the chance that it might come back. And Brooklyn had this cancer and he never told me. How could I not have noticed? Because I had been too wrapped up in my own world. My own grief, my surprise that Mystel had come back, my new school and new friends and I had abandoned him. I was worse than Mystel. He didn't have a choice. I did. I was a horrible person.

"Look, I'm not going to kill myself."

"_No, you're not. Because I'm going to be watching both of you so that both of you have a long life with families and everything I wanted. If I can't have it, I'll live vicariously through_ _you two._"

Maybe that was why Mystel came back, to make sure me and Brooklyn didn't follow him into an early grave. If so, that was a pretty good deal. At least he could keep an eye on Brooklyn and he'd have someone else to keep him company. But I'd miss being the only one who could see him. It had made me feel special but what ever made Mystel happy made me happy. And in the end that's what mattered.

Forty five minutes later, Brooklyn dropped me off at my house and for the first time in a long time, I went to sleep on my own because Mystel wanted to do some catching up with Brooklyn. I guess me and my little teddy pj's can't compete with boy talk. But somehow, I would find out what made Mystel come back and I'd do whatever I could to help him out. He'd do the same for me. There was no room for selfishness, not if it hurt one of the people I loved.

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**Yeah, I know this is beyond late but... I'm sorry. This is an extra long chapter so you should be happy. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. Review please and let me know if you understand anything that I wrote.**


	12. Plausible

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Beyblade or the characters. I do however own Amber Benson and the other octopussies belong to their respective owners.

* * *

_This chapter is dedicated to Lamanth for helping me with the horse information last night and for letting me rant to her last night. Thank you so much. _

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Plausible

The one good thing about Halloween is the week off. A week off where you can slouch about the house and relax. A week where you can pretend you didn't actually humiliate yourself in front of a host of potential friends and a potential arch nemesis. However, so far, that plan wasn't exactly working. In fact it wasn't working at all because I was still reliving it constantly. I hate hindsight. I hate that stupid ability to see exactly where I went wrong and how I should have approached it differently to have lessened the embarrassment.

I mean _Brooklyn_, for crying out loud. If I had to have a huge meltdown, did I have to run to him of all people? Granted he was the only one who could possibly understand, being that he was the one and only person who knew about Mystel haunting me and now was the only one who could see Mystel haunting me. But still, _Brooklyn_! I should have run to Shahero or Tala or… ok, so Brooklyn was probably the best candidate since the others wouldn't have been much better but there was a slight problem with that. Everyone hated him and now Arista didn't exactly like me.

And the whole wailing like a banshee thing, yeah that did nothing to help my reputation at the school. They now think I'm mad. I woke up the next day in my own bed –thankfully- to see message after message from Miyami and co asking me if I was ok. And then there was Shahero who thought she understood but she didn't. Oh and then there was Tala who came to the house and asked my mother if I was ok, which led to Mum asking if I was ok, Dad recommending I see someone to _talk_ and Bryan demanding a reason as to why I freaked out.

My answer: Ghost. Yep, that's right. I told them all I saw a ghost. Perfectly plausible and as close to the truth as I could possibly get without sounding completely barmy. In fact, I only sounded a little barmy and besides, ghosts are completely legitimate on All Hallows Eve. Or so I figure. Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. It seems the easiest response when someone asks me the difficult question.

As for Brooklyn, well, he's ok I guess. Still trying to come to terms with the fact that a) Mystel is a ghost –I still don't think he really believed me- and b) he can see him. Which is great because they can bond and do manly stuff together. Yes, that does leave me out of the loop which I don't know how to feel about but it's good for Brooklyn. It's not as though I never get to see Mystel. It's just not as much as usual. Not that I feel bitter about it. I had months with Mystel. It's just weird now he's not around as much.

Which brings us to the problem of Mystel. I don't really know what to do about Mystel in all honesty. He's not just a normal ghost, not really since he came to life for an hour. A measly hour but he was still alive which is more time than most dead people get. Most people who die always wish they got to say goodbye, I know that feeling since I felt the same way. But he got to say everything he wanted, right? So what now? Why is he still haunting us? It's not that I don't want him around, I do and yet, he's dead. He has to move on so I can move on and grieve except I don't want to. I don't want to live in a world where he's not around but that's not the point. I don't want to find out that the reason he's not moving on is because I've somehow trapped him but that's insane. There's nothing logical in that thought process and I do possess some logic. It just only appears when I'm lying in my bed with nothing to distract me but my own thoughts and the scent of decay carried in on the autumn breeze.

I flipped over and glanced at my laptop that was lying open on the desk, a spiral weaving over the screen in neurotic colours. I'd been trying to research ghosts and their habits but I was coming up with nothing. The only ghosts that seemed to be on this earth where the type that needed mediation or the angry types that wanted to hurl plates. Somehow I don't think Mystel came back to earth just to throw plates, besides he has piss-poor aim.

No one was online either so I had nothing to even occupy my mind. I could hang out with Shahero but she was with Aspin and Arista and well... did I really want to go through the whole ghost thing again? I could play on the game console but I just wasn't in the mood to save a mythical world from a psychotic moron with a long ass sword.

I was restless and I needed to get out of the house away from all these thoughts, they weren't doing me any good. I could go round and round in circles contemplating why Mystel came back to life but I always arrived at the same conclusion. I don't know. I find it so hard to believe in the powers that be or god or something that has control over us. But Mystel was becoming proof that something had control over him to actually make him come back to life. He didn't even know how he did it. But it wasn't real life, not really because he said he didn't feel anything.

Honestly I just don't know what to do to fix it. And I don't like the feeling that it might possibly be me that has to fix everything. It's not really fair to be honest. I'm only a stupid teenager and I'm trying to figure out things that people have spent years trying.

A knock on my door, a soft tentative tapping sound, broke my reverie and part of me sighed in relief. I was getting a headache from the circling thoughts assaulting my brain.

"Come in." I commanded; shifting so my head tilted over the edge of my bed in the hopes that the blood rushing down would stop all those stupid thoughts. It's Mystels' fault. If he was here, he could talk to me and distract me from my thoughts but alas no, he fecked off to Brooklyn's.

The door opened and Bryan stepped in, looking around the room and wrinkling his nose in a disturbed fashion. "Nicolai phoned, said that the vet is coming down to check out the horses if you wanna bring down Gypsy."

"Oh cool." I jumped to my feet then halted so suddenly I almost tripped only for my quick thinking; I managed to brace myself against the desk, bruising my hip on the sharp corner. "Shit!"

"You ok?"

"Did Nicolai say whether the spawn of Satan will be there? Because if Devil's bane is there, I'm going to have to recline."

"Recline?"

"Say no."

"Decline." Whoops, being corrected on your language by someone who barely talks is so uncool.

"Whatever. Is he there?"

"Don't know."

"Don't kill yourself speaking to me or anything Bryan."

"Who is Devil's Bane?"

"The Hiwatari brat. Nicolai's son." Who's a complete asshole that called me frigid and then went on to demand I choose my present over my past and who Shahero says looks at me as if he'd like to lick every orifice on my body! I didn't know what an orifice was but the words sounded sexual to me which was creepy in itself. Then I looked up the word orifice and became creeped out beyond measure. And who could blame me? After the whole finger sucking thing, what would you think when someone told you he wanted to lick your orifices? Nothing good I can tell you.

"Mmm."

Ugh, I know that 'Mmm', it's that 'whatever; I don't want to get into your neuroticness' mmm. Hmph, jerk. All men are jerks. Every single one of them, even nice guys can be big fat jerks. Even Mystel can be a jerk. It's just not all that common.

"Don't 'Mmm' me. I don't like it when you make noncommittal sounds. It makes you sound like a boyfriend who's placating his neurotic girlfriends' wishes. Well, I'm not your girlfriend; I'm your neurotic cousin so at least act like it."

"Amber."

Oh I know that Amber too. It's the 'give it a rest Amber'. Ha! Stupid guy thinks he can get away with things being all cool and shit. Well he can't! I scowled darkly at him, at least I'm pretty sure it was dark, I was too scared to look at myself in the mirror and besides, how vain would I seem if I paused to look in the mirror. Yeah, pretty darn vain.

"It's a free vet examination for Gypsy."

Yeah, and I was planning on breeding her so this was probably a good thing and Uncle Nicky was only trying to be nice after all. Maybe I should go. I mean, it wouldn't take long. I'd just take her down there and get her checked out and be out of there. It's not like I have to stay.

"And he's probably out with his friends."

True. It wasn't like I had to work so I really could make it a short visit and avoid the house and him the entire time. Besides, it was very likely that Shahero was just being a bitch since she had a hangover and I had been annoying her simply because I knew she had a hangover. So she probably made that comment up and I can go back to thinking he's an unfeeling, emotionless, dick up his ass bastard. Yay! Except it had been easier when I hadn't know he dated. And Mariam no less. Mariam is... really gorgeous. She was the fantasy of most guys in Rathglen, so the fact that Kai dated her was pretty big. She has incredibly high standards. She doesn't just date guys because they're cute or handsome; she dates them because she likes them for their personality as well. Kai doesn't have one. At least not that I can see. This is probably another factor towards him not liking me, because if he did, he'd probably try to be nice to me.

Right. He would. So therefore it's probably quite safe to go down to the stables. Plus it would give me a legitimate reason to avoid those potential friends some more. Just until this whole ghost thing dies down. This might take a while. Things tend to happen so slowly here that gossip can last for weeks and me being the resident loony with no real past is bound to keep me top of the gossip mill. Maybe I should try to involve myself more. But I hate telling people about sad things. I always feel that by telling them, they'll think I'm only fishing for sympathy which I'm not. And I really hate that look of sympathy. Maybe it's not sympathy but the pity or the fake sympathy. They don't really care about your problems but they feel they should show some emotion so that they don't feel heartless and uncaring. So that they don't find out what they're truly like inside. If the moment arises, I'll tell them but until then, I just want to get on with things. Like have mini meltdowns about finger sucking potential arch nemesis's who ruin things by finger sucking.

"Right, I'll go down." I stated determinedly, I was not going to be scared off by him. It was probably what he was aiming for, intimidating me like that. Jerk.

"Wearing that?"

I paused to look down at my clothes and yelped; spinning on my heel to rush back into the house. Whoops. "What time is the vet going to arrive?"

"Not for another hour or so."

"Ah right. Well get out so I can get changed."

"There are dishes out here; your mum said you had to do them."

I didn't believe that for a second. Mum probably said for someone to do them but I'm betting anything she never said it had to be me. So I simply stared at him hoping he'd get enough guts to confess the truth.

After a few moments, I got no reply. "Ah for crying out loud Bryan, I'm not doing the dishes just because I'm the only girl here. You can do them just as easily."

"I don't know how to work the dishwasher."

I glared at him. Stupid bullshit. That was just complete and utter bullshit. "Well I guess if you can't, you can just use the sink the way people did before they got dishwashers." Bullshit he can't use the dishwasher; if he can install one then he can use one. It's really that simple. I scowled at his expression before glaring. "Fine! But that's bullshit, you hear me Bry. You're bullshitting me." And I'm the eejit that believes it.

I watched him leave before stomping to my wardrobe and pulling out some warmer clothes. That was so unfair. So now I had to clean up the house before I even got down to the stable and by the time I got there, knowing my bad luck, Hiwatari would have had time to make himself comfortable in my way!

* * *

A short time later I wandered down the back road with Sheba firmly attached on a leash. Since I had some time to spare before I had to go down to Nicolai's –since the vet was there to see his animals, that would take a while so I could have some more time before going down with Gypsy- I had decided to take Sheba out.

The air was crisp and cold but dry which was a nice change from all the rain but that didn't mean it was in any way sunny, except for that smear of orangey yellowness along the horizon just beneath the silver/grey blanket of clouds to the west. The air smelt of decay mixed with earth, in other words winter. Winter always smells of dying things, like plants, not dead animals because that's just gross. In the distance there was the soft roar of water gushing over rocks in the stream. Fields stretched and rolled endlessly, massive patches of green only broken by lines of wiry hedgerows.

I kind of liked the weather when it was like this. It gave me something nice to look at rather than actually have to think about things. Honestly, it was kind of weird to have my head back to myself again. I was so used to having Mystel lingering and now my head felt empty. All the thoughts were my own again which was fun but it meant that I was free to think about things I didn't want to think about when Mystel was around. Like what to do about Hiwatari jnr. Not that I really should be thinking about him. I had other things to think about too, like classes and homework but since I wasn't in school, what was the point of wandering about them?

I just hated coming across people I didn't understand. It wasn't as though I felt I needed to understand him. But when a guy sucks your finger and then gets sulky when you hang out with other people, your mind starts to wonder about his reasoning which I'm beginning to think Hiwatari has none of. He didn't really strike me as a reasonable person but then again, why is that? He's perfectly civil and- ok he's a surly git but he's nice to Miyami and Tala. I've seen hints of that niceness and he really was worried about Mariam when she was drunk as a skunk but why do I feel he has to be like that to me? I barely know the guy and we're not friends, we're not even acquaintances so he shouldn't have to be nice to me. But since we shouldn't even be interacting, there's no reason for his actions or his treatment of me. I'm not Ming-Ming and the sad thing is if this were an anime, I'd be rooting for her. Really. I happen to like the idea where the girl pines for the guy and then he –who's totally undeserving by the way- finally cops on that she's right for him.

So why do I feel nauseous at the thought of those two being together?

Maybe it's because Miyami and Shahero don't like her and I hate the idea that I'm so shallow so as to be swayed by my friends' thoughts. After all, I grew up with Ming-Ming and I like her, well enough at any rate. So she's a little strange, aren't we all? And yeah, her constant obsessing over Kai is definitely scary but well, in anime's it's sorta… ok yeah I'll admit, I kind of disliked the way Sakura chased after Sasuke in Naruto but I love Sakura as a person. I still think she would be good for him if only the manga ka would just get round to writing the story.

So maybe I think Ming-Ming would suit Kai more if she simply backed off a bit and developed her personality a bit more and if that was the case, and then he should really develop his personality too. Plus, if I was really sent to Ballykuten to help these two get together –And there's good reason for this concept, I work with Kai nearly every day despite the fact we don't like each other and he's like my godbrother or something and I knew her from back home so I'm like their connection- why am I finding it so hard? How am I supposed to link the pair of them? They're complete opposites. He hates people and well she… actually I can't think of something she loves that doesn't make her seem completely shallow. No wait, her singing, she loves singing and has a great voice. So maybe…

Ah fuck it. I have no clue how I'm going to push these two together. Or maybe that's it! Maybe I'm not supposed to push them, simply give them the opportunity to be together. Ha! Oh yeah, now I've solved it! I just have to create situations where they're bound to run into each other and he can see that she's not as shallow as she makes herself out to be and by being around her, he'll be more inclined to open up.

Yay! I've got it. Now to keep Kai away from my fingers. Heh, he probably was probably just keeping it clean like he said. I could have gotten blood poisoning and the way to stop that was to draw out the blood, hence the sucking! Duh! I'm an eejit sometimes.

"Aren't I, Sheebs? A real complete eejit?"

Whether Sheba heard or not, she gave no indication since she was happily sniffing round an area and I turned around, knowing what was going to happen next. Sure enough, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed her squatting. Ah well, natures called. It's better she does her business out here on the side of the road instead of inside the shed where I might stand in it. Trust me; that stuff is horrible to try to get out of the grips on your runners. You have to wait for it to dry and then you have to scrape it out with a kitchen knife which earns you a clip around the ear from your mother who has to dump the knife.

A few seconds later we were on our way over a small hill surrounded on both sides by fields with very little animals inside. There was a bull but on seeing him, Sheba and I had gotten out of his field of vision quickly. This basically meant I had to crouch and creep by the hedge while Sheba just sauntered on her unbelievably big paws. It's a good thing the road's basically abandoned since getting caught sneaking past a disinterested bull would have been pretty damn embarrassing.

Every so often, Sheba would find a particularly interesting patch of green grass –I mention it's green because that's the only thing that could possibly be interesting about grass, though her nose is better so maybe the interesting thing was who had wee'd there last (Yeah, gross I know)- and I would find my arm being yanked right out of its socket. Not particularly nice, I can assure you.

"Sheba, I'm supposed to be taking you for a walk, not the other way round! I'm the human here!"

Sheba didn't care. She simply gave me a doleful look before padding on a head at an easy trot. Life was grand for her. All she did was sniff and pee, sleep and eat all day. I had to worry about bigger things, like… well really big things that are so big, I can't even contemplate them right now.

I wandered around the corner and through a glade of trees towards the brook that was off the road a little, beside a lane closed off by a rusted red gate. I crossed to the gushing water so that Sheba could have a drink, while I surveyed the scenery. A field –yeah another one- punctuated with wrinkly old trees and thistles spread out in front of me, and hidden within the patch of trees was a small ruin of a house, overgrown with ivy.

The peaceful tranquillity was suddenly disturbed by a loud repetitive sound that I recognized as a quad engine and I sighed loudly when I spotted the driver coming down the hill through the trees. Shit. So much for avoiding everyone. I can just tell today is going to be one of those days.

As he came around the corner, I braced myself for an interaction. It was obvious who it was. No one else has such a gay ass excuse for a quad that deserves to be squashed more than it deserves to be on the road. And Tala has to be the only person who actually looks cool on the pathetic excuse for a quad. Though how it does it is beyond me, but at least he does look passably cool so it's no so bad. If he looked terrible, I'd have to destroy it, after all that's what a good friend would do. Which Kai isn't by the way, a good friend I mean, because I have heard him cuss about that stupid quad wannabe and he hasn't done anything to it yet though he threatens to so much.

And I have got to stop mentioning Kai. God you'd think I was obsessed or something. Heck, if I talked to my friends about a boy this much, they'd think I had a crush on him. Which I don't because falling for someone I don't like is such a cliché and what's worse is that it's the most pathetic cliché. What's so wrong with having a crush on someone you actually like and respect? It makes for a better relationship, though I'll say this, since I'm not looking for a relationship, Kai isn't bad as eye-candy and since I don't like him, it's probably better if I did crush on him because there's no risk of a relationship. Unfortunately, I haven't shown any signs of having a crush yet and I show definite signs. Mariah's pointed them out more than once to me.

The quad (moped!) rolled to a stop beside me and the driver (Tala!) took off his helmet and as he did, I half expected him to shake out his hair which would have been hilariously funny in my humble opinion but he didn't and his hair remained in that same shape as always. How it does that and still manages to look like horns while stuffed under a helmet is beyond me. He must put some kind of concrete into it, instead of gel.

"Hey stranger."

He's calling me strange? Yeah, I don't have horns for hair!! "Hey, how's it going?"

"Aye, not so bad. Yourself?"

Yeah I'm great, I'm attempting to hide from all of you and you're not complying!! "Yeah, grand. So what's up?"

"Just taking her out for a spin, Seth said he's added some things so I'm pushing her to her limit." Does anyone else see a vagina on this cruel malformed quad wannabe? No? Didn't think so, so why does he call it a she? That's an insult to the female species? I wanna kick it and smash it to pieces. "You really hate her, don't you?"

"_It_ is an insult to all motors on four wheels!" I sneered, folding my arms and refusing to go any closer to the damn creature. It's like the orc of motorbikes. Completely disgusting and in need of destruction.

"So where have you been hiding?"

"I haven't been hiding." Unlike that excuse you call a she-quad. "I've just been busy."

"Yeah busy sulking." When I scowled or made some sort of threatening expression, he threw up his hands, palms out and smiled. "Hey, just quoting Shahero." Remind me to shoot her… in the head! "She said you were embarrassed about the scene in Derry."

Londonderry buddy, Sinn Fein didn't get their name change! Ok, now I was just being petty but hey, I wasn't sulking. I had a good reason for not going to see anyone and I wasn't embarrassed either. I just couldn't very well go up to them and explain all about why I was bawling my eyes out. No one was going to accept seeing my dead boyfriend flicker. Heck they weren't going to accept seeing my dead boyfriend full stop!

"Yeah well…" I shuffled my feet and tucked my hands into my pockets. "It was a stressful night."

"Sure." Someone call a plastic surgeon, Tala's eye brows have become lost in his hair! "So why did you freak out so bad?"

"I saw a ghost." Yeah that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Besides, it's sort of true and perfectly plausible on all Hallows Eve, right?

"A ghost?"

He sounded just a tad bit dubious, so maybe my story wasn't as plausible as I wanted it to be but what else could I have sa… oh I could have said a shadow freaked me out or some boys on the street threatened me or any manner of things since Mariam was drunk off her head and she wouldn't have been able to argue with me and… Bollocks! They would have made more plausible reasons. Heck I could have said I almost got mugged or anything. Why did I have to be so damn honest?!

"I thought it was. I'm just a very sensitive person." Also a very defensive one right now. Ah shit. "Well, um, I'm late-"

"Hold on. You've been avoiding everyone like the plague. Why? I thought we were friends."

He wants to be friends still? Something must be going on here. Hey maybe I'm like the new girl in all those teenage movies where the popular guy tries to get into her pants for a bet… ick! Serious, serious ickiness!! Tala and me… aw disgusting!

"We are friends." I muttered tightly as images continued to assault my poor abused brain. I bet I'm mentally weak from being psychically attacked by my dead boyfriend. Hey, logic! That could be entirely plausible. God, how many times can I use the term plausible?

"Yeah sure seems like it. Every time you see me, you run the other way. Did I do something?"

"I'm sorry. I really am sorry." I sighed and I was sorry. Really, truly sorry that he thought I was avoiding him because of something he did. "It's not you-"

"If you say 'it's me' I'll belt you!" God, good thing he cut me off, I think I was going for that line.

"I told you, it's not you." I tried to joke but there was only a hint of humour in his eyes. Oh bugger. "Honestly, I'm still sort of embarrassed about how I acted in front of everyone. I see something that's not even there and then I just burst into tears like a bawling baby."

"You weren't really crying, just really shaky."

Honestly, I can't remember much about it. I just know I freaked out.

"It wasn't such a big deal." He informed me awkwardly. "People were just surprised, that's all. One minute you're pandering to Mariam's drunken needs and fending her away from Kai and the next thing, you go outside and when you come in, you look as though you're at deaths door. Everyone thought you were going to faint. And then Brooklyn started acting like an asshole as if he had more right to look after you than we your friends did and it pissed me off." He pushed a strand of red hair away from his eyes and reached down to stroke Sheba as she came up to sniff around the wheels of his babe magnet… Seriously babies love them. They're just about the right size too.

"He wouldn't even let Shahero near you."

Oh yeah, I knew about that. I even got a mouthful from Hitoshi about his treatment of Shahero which is surprising since Brooklyn and Hitoshi are friends.

"Is there something going on between you and Brooklyn? Because if there is, shouldn't you tell us? Arista…" He trailed off awkwardly and I rolled my eyes.

"There is nothing between me and Brooklyn. We're friends, if even. He's just protective of me because I'm his last link to Mystel!" Hey it's getting easier to say his name out loud to others. Cool! Or not cool. Is it a good thing that I don't flinch in pain or get a lump in my throat? Shit, I dunno. Getting over grief isn't easy. Am I even supposed to get over it?

"Right."

That better be a 'hey Amber, you're right' right. As in, of course Brooklyn is only protective of me because I'm his last link to his dead best friend. Which I'm not anymore since Brooklyn can see him now. I wonder if Arista would be so interested in him if she knew that. Not that I think Arista is shallow but knowing someone can talk to a dead person, not really a turn on. Well, actually I dunno about that since I have never met anyone who can talk to the dead and I don't turn myself on… This argument lacks sense as well as logic. Ignore it.

"Wait, what about Arista? Last I heard she hates his guts."

"She does…"

"Sure, and I'm the Queen's uncle."

"You sure look good for a transgender."

"Up yours, Horny."

There goes that eyebrow again, but you have to admit that was a slightly ridiculously cool nickname. Horny, you know because of his hair and his appreciation for girls which I noted while I was out with him during Halloween. While I was tending to sick Mariam, I happened to notice the females that were following him around. I also noticed –though this might not be true because I wasn't exactly in the best position, kneeling before a drunk and crying Mariam- that his gaze often flicked to Brooklyn's table. Now either Tala was trying to flaunt his popularity with girls in Brooklyn's face which is quite possible or he has a crush on Brooklyn, not as possible or he was trying to catch the only female at that table's attention. And the only female over there was… Ruin. So, I dunno.

"Look, she and Brooklyn were tight so, it might be awkward if a friend of hers was dating him."

Hey, it's awkward being her friend and a friend of Brooklyn's. Any time I vaguely mention his name she becomes seriously stony faced. And I happen to like Arista a lot; I just don't feel so comfortable talking to her while knowing about her and Brooklyn. I know that's weird but it's the truth. And it doesn't help when Brooklyn subtly tries to pump me for information about her. It's like being caught in the middle of a broken marriage and since I have foreknowledge of that, let me tell you, it ain't pretty. And a desperate (though he doesn't act very desperate, I just happen to know him pretty well… despite never liking him before this year) Brooklyn is not a pretty Brooklyn. Though it works for his fallen angel image though. He does angst so well, his woe-is-me morality is perfection.

See, I still don't think I like him all that much so me and him dating… yeah hell will be freezing over first. Besides, I just don't like red heads. That sounds slightly mean but it's sort of true. Miyami on the other hand loves red heads. I can't count the amount of times she's almost broken my hand when yanking on it to point out a red head to me. She's trying to persuade me that they're the best. I just don't see it. I don't particularly find all blonds attractive either, I like tall, dark and handsome, so how Mystel and I got together, I'll never know. They say love is blind so maybe that's it, or maybe Mystel was simply dark haired in a past life. It could happen you know.

"Well there's no need to worry. We're never going to see each other like that. Besides, not only am I not ready to date anyone, it would be wrong. Either it would be a betrayal for Mystel or it would be the two of us using each other to fill a hole in our lives and neither is a pretty idea. I like to think I'm above such melodrama."

He raised a brow. "You sound so…"

"Yeah well, trust me, losing someone tends to make you do a lot of growing up. Also makes you see things clearer, such as life is actually really short. You never know when your time is up so why bother making enemies when you could be making friends. What good are enemies when you're lying on your deathbed?" Says the girl who thinks she has a potential arch nemesis. Sigh.

"I suppose I can see that but just don't expect me and Kai to roll out the red carpet for him, he's not worth or time or effort."

"Then ignore his existence." This is so hypocritical because I don't ignore people who annoy me. Technically I used to try to annoy them more. Hehe. I'm perverse like that.

"So what are you doing for the rest of the afternoon?"

"I have to head down to the stables and get Gypsy checked over by the vet." Ooh! Brainwave! That hurt. "Hey, do you happen to know if Devils Bane is around?"

"Devils Bane? Is that a rhetorical question? You haven't found God have you?"

"Not recently, but I wasn't looking. Anyway, I was referring to he who-" Sucked my finger? Yeah we're not telling anyone that after the whole 'lick my every orifice' comment. "Called me frigid." Oh yeah, I didn't like that comment either!

Tala quickly averted his gaze and scratched his neck sheepishly. "Ah yeah, about that. I don't think he meant anything by it."

"Bar me being frigid you mean." I sighed and dismissed my sarcastic comment. "It doesn't matter; you don't control what he says. He seems to have his own mind unfortunately. If you did control him, he might actually be a decent human being."

"He is decent. He just-"

"Has no manners? Has no social ability? Is a jerk?"

"You really don't like him, huh? And what about your big speech on life being short?"

See, I'm a big hypocrite but I don't dislike Hiwatari because of one thing, I dislike him because of a lot of things. And he's always mean to me. I didn't even do anything to warrant it. If I at least thumped him one, I could understand his utter dislike of me. "Ugh, never mind that. Is he there or not? Cause if he is, his life is about to become a lot shorter."

"Benz…"

There's that nickname again. I honestly have a funny feeling he's forgotten my name. But that doesn't matter so much since I kind of like being called Benz, he just has a way of saying it that makes it sound affectionate rather than ridiculous.

"I don't know what he plans to do today but it's a nice day so I doubt he's going to be hanging around his house. He probably has football practise or something."

I scowled. That wasn't the answer I wanted. I needed definite's. Knowing my luck, he'll stick around just to be a jerk.

"And I have to go, one of the dogs at home is about to pup. Dad and I have bets on when she'll deliver and I chose today so I'm on puppy watch."

"Aw puppies. I love puppies. Give me a shout when they arrive, I'll come see them."

"Want one? I could put your name down before the rest."

"What type?" I already knew I'd have to decline, mum says I can barely look after myself and Sheba never mind a puppy. It's ok for Gypsy because she can supposedly look after herself. Ha!

"Collie."

"I doubt mum would let me take one since I have Sheba but Rory's always looking for a good dog, you could talk to him about it and if he got one, I could look after it when I go up to Nana's. Win win situation!"

When I looked up, I realized Tala was gaping at me and I stopped bouncing on the balls of my feet to shift uncomfortably. "What?"

"You… You're never usually so perky."

Perky? What an insult. Ming-Ming is perky and Mariah is perky, I'm witty, I'm sarcastic, I'm… perky… Oh god no. "Yeah well I'm never usually sick." Sick and attacked by ghosts and… bugger, since when did I become such a liar.

"Sick?"

"Cold."

"Cold?"

"Oh shut up Tala. I'm not perky. I was merely excited about puppies. Unlike other people you hang out with-" namely one! "I can get excited from time to time."

"I don't want to think about an excited Kai."

I was about to naively ask why before the whole other meaning to the answer hit me and I groaned. I wish I didn't hang out with people who could twist words because then I'd really be naïve and pure minded and these sort of thoughts wouldn't occur to me but now I was having stupid images too! "TALA! Keep your pervert thoughts to yourself!"

"Ah, but we're friends, Benz, I have to share."

"There are certain things you just shouldn't! Oh grossness! I'm not even going to be able to look the guy in the eye anymore." Not that I really ever did but that was beside the point.

"I thought you were going," I finally stated and he sighed, pulling on his helmet.

"Yeah," he replied voice muffled. "I'll call you, k? And don't mind Kai, he's a bastard at times but he's a good guy. Just takes a while to see that, plus x-ray glasses really help."

"Darn, I knew I forgot something." I called back as he started his engine and started off down the road. I sighed and turned back to Sheba as she came up to nudge my hand. "Hey, do you want babies, Sheb's?" Then I could have loads of puppies to take care of but then I'd have to find a home for them and first I'd have to find a guy who's good enough for Sheba since I'm not letting her be doggy raped. Which is how I saw it, it wasn't like the dogs really had a serious choice. Or any animal for that matter. Maybe they saw it differently though. I had to ponder about that and I needed to find out if Gypsy actually liked Traveller. Just because I thought he looked cool didn't mean he was a nice horse. Hmm…

"What do you think Sheb's?"

Sheba simply wandered off down the road back towards the house and I took that as a hint that our conversation was over. Ever since we moved here, we've just been growing more and more distant. I think she believes I spend more time with Gypsy but that's completely untrue. It's just that Gypsy needs me at this very important moment in her life. She's about to try to become a mother and she needs my support. It's not like Sheba can't find other people to adore her. Tala keeps asking me if I want to sell her, like that's going to happen and I've noticed Hiwatari sneaking her food. Ha, she's such an attention whore… and I'm standing in the middle of the road looking like a moron. Idiot.

* * *

An hour later, I was being carried towards the Hiwatari Stables. Not that I wasn't in control of the situation, I had a perfectly good grip on Gypsy's reins, I just really, really, _really,_ didn't want to be going here. I had things I needed to do… OK, so I couldn't think of anything off the top of my head but I knew I had things to do however, here I was going towards the place where Devil's Bane lives and why? Because I am a glutton for punishment. Honestly, that's the only excuse for my actions.

Gypsy shifted irritably beneath me and I sighed, nudging her forward. God, I know she hates going at this slow pace but I happen to be in no hurry to go to the Stables today. She was lucky I even decided to take her out for a ride, I was planning on asking Rory to drive the trailer over but that would just give Hiwatari another reason to snipe at me. He's such an asshole. He always makes me feel so small and tiny with his belittling comments. He didn't see his boyfriend die from such a simple jump. Ok, so no jumps are simple but there are harder ones, trust me. Mystel should have been able to do that jump in his sleep which was why it was all the more of a tragedy that he died.

"So here's the deal Gyp, when the vet is there, he's going to poke and prod a little because that's what they do. Ok? There's no point getting bitchy over it because then he'll just poke and prod more and if you kill him, they'll kill you and I'll not be able to do anything to fix the situation, so the best thing to do is grin and bare it. Oh and I dunno if he's going to stick his hand up your-"

She snorted and her ears flicked wildly. "Ah right, I'll not mention that part. It can be a surprise." Yeah a surprise, that's pretty much like finger raping someone. But it was a medical thing and so he wasn't doing it to get some sick kind of pleasure. He was doing it to make sure… actually, I dunno a thing about what vets do. Usually I bugger off while the vet is doing anything with animals because I tend to get squeamish.

"Hey Amber."

I smiled and waved to Jean as she looked up from weeding her flower beds. I dunno what person messes with dead foliage during the winter but I was sure Jean knew what she was doing since I hadn't a clue about that. She tugged off her gloves –hence why her hands look so soft- and after shoving them into the back pocket of her faded jeans, she crossed over to me.

Gypsy eyed her nervously because Gyp hates new people but since Jean lived on a Stable, she knew to approach her at an easy pace from where Gypsy could watch her. I reached down and patted my favourite girl –not my aunty Jean because that would be weird-, then slid out of the saddle, feeling a sudden giddy rush of relief when my feet hit the ground.

"So this is the infamous Gypsy. I've been hearing good things about this one."

Despite myself, I couldn't help but grin with pride. "Hear that Gyps? You're famous." She rolled her eyes to regard me before stoutly looking away. "And you're not impressed."

Jean chuckled, scratching Gypsy's long neck. "She's got character, doesn't she?"

"Yep, though at the moment she's being bitchy. Can't figure out why but she and Sheba have been giving me the cold shoulder."

"Hmm? Well maybe the vet will be able to sort her out."

"Is he here yet?" I wondered looking around but since there are so many visitors, it was hard to tell.

"He's in the office with Nicolai." I loved the way she said Nicolai's name, not that she made it sound different or anything, it's just that there's an obvious tenderness when she says it. I'm not used to people who've been together so long still feeling like that. Well, ok I will say my Seth and Aubrey are extremely close as Crane and Anne, Kirby's parents but that's different. There's just something very unit like about them, it's nice.

"So it's ok for me to take Gypsy down to one of the stalls."

"Of course. Just watch out for Kai, he's mucking out down there and he's not in a good mood today." Told you, my life is now complete! -.-

"I didn't think he was working today."

"He wasn't supposed to be, that's why he's sulking but Nicolai needed him around for helping with the vet."

I nodded glumly. What did the vet need help with? Was he planning on injecting Kai or something? Yay! Something had to improve Kai's mood, his manners and attitude suck. But naturally, I said nothing of my thoughts to his mother who adored him. "Oh hey, Jean? Can I hang out up at the house while the vet examines her?"

"Don't you want to watch?"

I shook my head. Not really, after all Kai would be there and I get squeamish, I don't need him mocking me more. "Not really. Nicolai can explain everything to me later, right?"

"I'm sure he will. Well, I'll be up at the house if you need anything, ok?"

"Thanks Jean." Breathing out a sigh of relief, I led Gypsy down the slight slope towards the stables. I passed a few colleagues and a couple of girls I knew from the pony club/Kai fan club and waved in acknowledgement of them.

I reached the stable that loomed over me with a sense of foreboding in the pit of my stomach, it was either: foreboding, food poisoning or cramps; either way it was uncomfortable. But seeing my time of the month was a while away and I hadn't anything out of date recently so I figured it was foreboding. Darn. I was not going to be put off going somewhere by an arrogant pain in the ass, so squaring my shoulders I ventured inside, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. The last thing I needed was for him to just appear out of nowhere which he had this nasty little habit of doing.

I scowled as Gypsy butted me with her head. Damn now the horse was mocking my cowardice. I led her into the warm musty shed, casually glancing around as I kept an eye out for Devil's Bane. After a while, when I could hear nothing but the whinny's of the others and the breathing from Gypsy, I relaxed. There was no scrape of a shovel against the cement and the wheel barrow was no where to be seen so I surmised that he must have gone to dump the bedding out on the pile. Which meant if I hurried, I could get Gypsy into a stall and be back up at the house before he even appeared. Cool.

"C'mon Gyps," I urged, quickening my pace and heading for the empty stall near the bottom. Just as I approached, a head poked its way over the stall door and I yelped, jumping the height of myself while Gypsy began to shift skittishly. "Trav, that wasn't cool." I muttered, greeting the horse with a caress of affection. He really does have the most amazing eyes and that long face of his just makes my heart melt. I glanced over at Gypsy to see if she was having any reaction to him but she merely watched him with her doe-like eyes. As for Traveller, he didn't seem to care much about her either, though maybe because she wasn't in heat, he wasn't interested. Heck, I didn't know.

The thing was that I kind of wanted them to like each other. I wouldn't feel guilty about forcing her to have a foal if she at least liked him. Just because their genes were good and would produce a fantastic foal wasn't a good enough reason to force her to carry a foal for eleven months.

I sighed heavily before peeking over the stall door as Traveller moseyed off, quietly keeping an eye at the mare at my back who was nibbling on my jumper in an almost affectionate gesture. Almost, because I was sure she wished it was skin she was nipping at. His Stall wasn't being cleaned out today, though that wasn't surprising since Traveller is quite the housekeeper. It's a Stallion thing, they tend to just poop and pee in one area which is great since you don't have to dig up pee spots but Traveller just seems a little more fanatical about his cleanliness than most horses. I wonder if he gets it from Kai since he's meticulous as well. That or he's just anal.

I placed Gypsy in her stall, unsaddled her and did everything necessary to make her comfortable, made sure there was hay in the net for her and water from the trough before I headed out again just as a figure entered the doorway wheeling the wheelbarrow. Well fuck. I froze in my position, considered just hiding in Gypsy's stall while he was getting used to the dim lighting before I tossed that idea away. I wasn't going to hide from him either. I had no reason to. And I wasn't making an eejit out of myself either. I'd simply say hello like a normal person and then head up to the house to hang out with Jean.

I approached with that mantra of being nice and civil in my head only for it to fly out the window when his eyes swept up and pinned me to my spot. I don't like the way he looks at me. It makes me nervous and uncomfortable and it's like he sees something that isn't there. I clenched my fists under the serious scrutiny, wondering just why I let him unnerve me this much anyway. I'm a likeable person, I make friends easily and yet this one guy makes my tummy hurt and not in an altogether good way.

When his eyes narrowed on me, I found myself checking my clothes, Bryan's earlier taunting making me paranoid but I had changed my clothes and there was nothing wrong with my jeans or my boots or my jacket. They were things I usually wore to work here because it didn't matter if they got muddy or torn so what was his problem?!

I opened my mouth to say something biting about his choice of outfit but found I couldn't. The guy has the uncanny ability to wear crappy clothes and still look good in them. It annoyed me to no end. Heck he could probably wear a sweater knitted by his granny and still look good, you know one of those novelty bright red ones with a fluffy bobble on it somewhere. The image made me smirk especially since he was wearing that dark broody expression in that picture too. Haha. But alas, that was just a daydream and right now, he was still standing before me in his jeans, scuffed boots and navy all-weather jacket.

I was becoming increasingly nervous under his look and unbidden Shahero's stupid words came back to float around my head. 'Lick every orifice.' Oh god!

"What?!" I finally demanded going on the offensive. I didn't like being stared at, especially not by him.

"You're not working today."

Thank you Captain obvious. "Your Dad said that since the Vet is here, it would be good to get Gypsy checked over."

Kai's eyes narrowed, honing in on me or so it seemed, whatever he had done, I suddenly felt really uncomfortable and slightly angry that he was between me and the door. It meant that he was completely silhouetted by the bright daylight and I couldn't see much of his face at all so I couldn't tell what was going on in his head at all. Not that I ever really could. I didn't know much about this boy after all, apart from the fact that he had seemed to take a great dislike towards me ever since I showed up.

"Hn, I guess that's for the best. Can't risk Traveller getting any infections."

I blinked. Infections? "Huh?" Yeah not very intelligent but I didn't understand his cryptic goads and I know that's a subtle jibe, I just do. There's something about the way he's standing and the mocking undertone to his words.

"Genital infections." Kai explained as though he genuinely wanted to help me with my confusion but I knew otherwise. "They're especially hazardous for Stallions, could ruin him."

Ruin… "Are you saying Gypsy could give him an STI?" When he didn't reply, I knew that was exactly what he meant. "I don't really see how since I don't go around breeding her with any other horse. And if Traveller has any infection then it's probably because he takes after his owner."

Now his eyes narrowed alright and I knew the emotion behind that since I'd been expecting it. "I would watch what you say to me, Benson."

"What, don't you respect honesty, Hiwatari? I'm only stating what I've observed since I came here."

"So you've been watching me Benson?"

"Well since I'm stuck at school during most of the day, I miss my usual lunchtime soaps so I need to get my daily fix of melodrama from somewhere." I flashed him a caustic grin before sauntering towards the door. At times likes this, I wish I could whistle a jaunty tune but alas, I can't whistle worth- Yeow! I looked up into Kai's blistering gaze before quickly averting my eyes to where his hand gripped my upper arm tightly. If he squeezed any tighter, it would burst, I thought with a hiss as I glared up at him.

"Let go."

"Don't push me Benson. You don't know me."

"True," I stated before narrowing my eyes wishing he could just spontaneously combust. "And I don't want to. Now let me go before I start shouting harassment."

He released my hand before leaning closer to me, so that his face blotted out everything else. "If I harass you, you'll know about it."

I frowned, suddenly feeling slightly scared by his tone and the promise of vengeance. I backed away from him, unsure of myself before I turned and fled, barely maintaining my dignity by at least keeping myself from bursting into a run.

* * *

"And so she's now kicked him out of the house and he's back to living with his brother."

I snickered at the old man's stupidity at being fleeced for all his cash by a younger woman as Jean concentrated on filing my nails. I don't know how we got into this situation, one minute I was admiring hers and asking if she'd gotten it done at a salon and the next she had me sitting at the kitchen table with my fingers soaking in a tub of water. It was strange being pampered by your boss's wife but at the same time it felt nice and relaxing and somewhat natural. Like I said, strange.

"But didn't he think of getting a prenuptial?" If I was an old man who didn't have much going for me in the looks department but a wealth of money, I'd be wary of any woman that took an interest, never mind a young pretty one. It's been done to death in soaps, surely he knew the consequences.

"Obviously he didn't. It does seem a bit daft to me, though. They only knew each other for a couple of months and then suddenly they're married and he's built a house for her. And no sooner have they moved in but she's kicked him out."

"Why doesn't he file for divorce on the grounds of her just being a money grabbing whore?"

"Well half will go to her anyway and she'll still get the house."

"Yeah but he could claim the house since it was his money that built it, couldn't he?" Yeah having a Dad in the law business doesn't help me at all. I barely understand how these things work but then, that's what Dad's there for. If I do have a problem, I can just ask him to deal with it.

"Ah but then she could say that he built the house for her. Besides, it's his own fault." Jean told me, picking up a clear bottle of nail polish as Jack wound around my feet. "So are you going to tell me why you came stomping into the kitchen like a herd of elephants?"

"Ugh, nothing, it's just your son getting on my nerves again. It's no big deal. I guess we're just a clash of two opposites."

"Hmm. I wouldn't have thought so but maybe you're right."

"Huh?" What did she mean by that? Did I look like an antisocial sociopath? Ok, so I don't technically know what that is or what one would look like but I imagine Kai could pass for one. What I'm basically trying to say in my inept way is that I'm _nothing _like him. We're hardly two peas in a pod.

"It's nothing. Maybe it was because you were so quiet when you first came; I guess I thought you two might have some things in common. You do have the same friends."

Yeah but that was just an unhappy coincidence and it isn't like we hang out with each other while out with Tala and Miyami. If he's with Tala, I'm with Miyami and vice versa. "He's too mature, no offence, but he's hard to get along with."

"You think so? I guess he's just different at home than how he is at school."

No he's a moody brat at home too. She must have forgotten that I've been in the house while he's there. I've seen him react with his parents and he's as stone cold sober and moody as he is whenever he's with his friends. Yeah I've seen him laugh with them from afar but… why am I even thinking about all this?! Ugh! Stupid complex guy!

"Give that a minute and it'll be dry and ready for anything."

I tilted my nails and admired the pretty shiny surface. "Thanks." Hehe, I couldn't wait to show Miyami. She always has cool nails. Something to do with a DIY manicure set she'd bought in Derry one day.

"Not at all. Now do you want a cup of coffee?"

"I should probably go check on Gypsy," I muttered reluctantly as I got to my feet just as my phone buzzed.

"Are you sure? I can make you a coffee, I'm sure that someone will come when the vet is finished." As soon as she had spoken the words and before I even got to reply, the back door opened and Kai stepped inside, raking a hand through his hair and shuddered, as though shaking off the cold.

"Have you seen that folder with the invoices in it, Dad says he left it up-" He broke off suddenly as he spotted me. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Kai!"

See, I told her he's an asshole but ah well, motherly love and all that. "Yeah sure. I'll see you later."

I was making my way towards the door when Jean's words stopped me and made me flinch. "You're not going home on your own are you? Wait and Nicolai will take the van and the trailer."

"Or you could leave Gypsy here." Kai put in as an after thought. Oh gee, I guess he does have a nice bone somewhere, like in his ear.

"I'm not leaving my horse."

"Fine, I'll get Dad to start up the Jeep."

"Kai you can take her home."

"I'll be riding Gypsy-"

"He can take Traveller for some exercise. It'll give you two and the horses a chance to get to know each other."

I don't want to get to know Kai. I certainly don't want to get to know him because his mother forced him. I opened my mouth to blurt out another random excuse on why Kai couldn't take me home when Kai sighed heavily and I flinched. I knew that sigh. That was his 'fine, I'll do it but I'm going to grouse about it the entire time' sigh. How did I know this? Because I use it quite often myself.

Without saying anything, he spun and strode out the door.

"You might wanna give him a few minutes before you go out, so why don't I make you that coffee." Well coffee sounds much better than dealing with Hiwatari right now.

* * *

"Alright Hiwatari, if you don't speak within the next minute or two, I'm going to break out into a rendition of Rawhide and since I don't know the words to this song, it's going to sound pretty strange!"

I can't believe I've been pushed into resorting to lame threats to get Hiwatari to break the silence. You'd think I'd done something to annoy him when all I did today was… well ok, yes, I was kind of mean but he started it with the genital infection comment. He had no right to insinuate that. Gypsy is a 'horsy virgin'. She doesn't even know what sex is because I haven't given her the _talk_ yet. I meant to but then I got distracted by Final Fantasy and what can I say? I'm a really, really bad mother. But that's to be expected. When I was younger and my cousins and I played games like house, I was always the sister. I was never ever the mommy. That job was left to either Julia (Kirby's older sister who now is a mommy) or Daichi while Ozuma was the Daddy. One time we made Bryan the mommy and he wasn't so chuffed so he spanked us. Yeah, we weren't the most functional family.

"Hiwatari!" I wonder would he get pissed if I started calling him Tari. Calling him by his full surname is a mouthful. Naturally the best solution would be to call him by his first name but that's way too familiar… though let's face it he seems to have no problem being familiar with me. Finger licking prick!

"Oh for gods' sake will you please say something!" Honestly, how can he be so quiet? I at least have my many thoughts to keep me amused but what about him? What could he possibly have to think about? His dental hygiene?

I snickered softly, leaning forward to bury my face in Gypsy's mane while she flicked her ears in irritation. I straightened to glare at his back. He really does have good form on the horse, his posture is perfect and he's not even in a competition at the moment. I bet he's one of those people who naturally do everything perfectly as a matter of practice. Like if you keep putting the toilet seat down, it becomes a habit. This is what I told Daichi which got us into the whole conversation about whether it was better to leave the seat up or down. Naturally it's better down, who wants their toilet to smell?!

I slumped forward in my saddle which wasn't the smartest thing to do if Gypsy decided to bolt but we were dawdling along at such a nice, languid pace that I didn't think to worry about it, though on saying that, my grip on the reins and the horse was pretty tight. Just in case. I think part of Hiwatari's grief with me was that we were walking and taking twice as long to get anywhere. If we had been going at a faster pace, I'd be home by now but I wasn't going to risk getting thrown from the horse onto the road. No way, no how. If he wanted to go fast, he could go fast in the other direction. It wasn't like I needed a baby sitter either nor did I need one who was so reluctant about it.

A shrill beep caught my attention and I looked up to watch Kai reach into his pocket, not even looking away from the road ahead –he does this while driving too, never ever takes his eyes off the road which is kind of scary, he strikes me as too perfect- and produced a slim black flip phone. That's not the one he uses for school! Haha, I guess Ming-Ming doesn't have his phone number after all. He's not as stupid as he looks.

"Yeah?"

"When?"

Why doesn't he ever say hello? Or how are you? He's always so abrupt with everyone as though they're just there to serve him which they are not! I find that kind of rude to be honest. He's sort of mean and kind of an asshole. Why people put up with it, I don't know.

"Is she ok?"

Is who ok? Is it his mum? Miyami? Russia? His girlfriend? Though let's be honest, Hiwatari doesn't seem to have a girlfriend because if he did, wouldn't Miyami have mentioned it or wouldn't I have seen her around the stables or school?

"Right, I'll tell Dad. Ok, yeah, thanks." He closed the phone, effectively ending the conversation and shoved it into his pocket and his shoulders slumped. If I hadn't been watching his posture, I doubt I would have noticed but it just suddenly hunched over slightly. I nudged Gypsy into a faster pace and drew up alongside him.

"Something wrong?"

"Hn."

Ah the ever discernable 'hn'. I think he uses this just when he has nothing to say but wants to remind people he's there so he gives this rather vague grunt and leaves people wondering what he means which adds to his air of mystery. "Uh-huh and what's wrong with Hn?"

Ha! There was a quiver or maybe it was a twitch or a tick or something but his lips moved!! I saw them and yes the light is definitely waning but that doesn't mean I can't see. I'm not blind.

"It's nothing."

"No seriously, if Hn's in trouble, we should do something. Like introduce Hn to Hmm or Huh."

Now there was a definite change but I couldn't see what had done it but I knew he was amused, reluctantly amused but amused none the less. Go me and my sarcasm.

"Do you always have to butt into other people's business?" And there goes the humour and let's welcome back stoic cynicism. So much for trying to be nice to the bugger.

"I was only taking an interest. I wasn't butting in, mister-I-know-all-about-Mystel-so-I'm-going-to-interfere-in-your-business!" Ha, take that! Mind like an elephant, you know, I never forget.

"I did it for the good of the horse."

"Yeah well I'm asking for the good of Traveller." I stuck my tongue out and just barely curb the urge to blow a raspberry. What am I five?!

"Just back off Benson."

"Ugh, fine. Fine. Go be an iceberg then. How you have friends is beyond me." I muttered letting Gypsy fall back so that I was once again staring at the back of his weird coloured head. "See, Gyp's, I told Jean that he was hard to get along with." I murmured despondently in her black mane. I would love to say it's silky, but that would be a terrible lie, it's pretty coarse and wiry for hair.

"What was that?"

"Now who's butting into other people's business?!" I sniped bitterly. Yeah bitterly, I was bitter. I was trying to be nice, trying to forge some kind of relationship with the human iceberg and he threw it back in my face. Why do I even bother?

"I don't get you."

"What's to get?" I consider myself to be pretty simple.

"You can't be a bitch one minute and my friend the next."

That's why he's being so cold with me? Well that's a ridiculous reason. "I don't want to be bitchy with you but you start it. You said Gypsy would give Traveller a STI!"

"I said she could."

"Well she can't since she isn't promiscuous!"

"Well I don't know anything about her."

"Then why are you even letting this happen?" I sighed heavily and leaned onto Gypsy once more. "I don't understand you sometimes. You seem like you could be a nice enough person but you have this tendency to pick at people."

"By people you mean you."

"Well yes, me and Ming-Ming."

"Not her again." He groaned and if I hadn't been concentrating on being serious, I might have found his words amusing.

"Yes her. You treat her badly, why not come straight out and say you don't like her instead of leaving her in this limbo."

"I don't speak to her, I don't acknowledge her existence; how else can I get it through to her that I can't stand her? If I told her that straight out, you'd get prissy and complain I was being horrible. So I can't win."

He made a good point. It was disturbing how good a point he made. "Wait, you could tell her in a less mean way! Just explain to her that she's not your type or something."

"She'd try to change."

"No she- Ok, yeah she probably would." I sighed; I just didn't want her to… to what? She wasn't depressed about his lack of interest, but her chasing after him was getting on my last nerve. I wanted to thump her every time I heard her whining about him and the thing is Ming-Ming could be quite likeable if she wasn't infatuated. "Well you could try dating someone else. If she knew you were unavailable, she'd probably cool off a little." That or try to steal him away.

"Uh-huh and who am I supposed to drag into this little plot? I don't particularly want to use someone just to get her to piss off."

"I said nothing about using someone. Don't you like any girls?" I narrowed my eyes as a light bulb went off in my head. After all there had to be a reason as to why he had reacted so violently to Oliver's preference for boys.

"I'm not gay, Benson." Shoot! "And if I liked a girl, don't you think I'd be with her."

"Maybe she doesn't like you." Arrogant jackass, just because he likes a girl doesn't mean she automatically has to like him back. It's not like it's arranged in the stars or something.

He gave me a pointed look as if to say 'look at me, who would turn me down?' Jerk. I would simply on principle. If anyone had this preconceived notion that I had to be with them because they had decided they liked me I'd make sure to turn them down.

"Well then I don't know what you're going to do."

"Hn, I know what I'm doing. You're the one who has a problem with that."

"Because she always asks me about you and I'm fed up being dragged into her stupid little fantasies. I'm sick and tired of her always chasing after you and it's insulting to the female population."

"Then ignore her."

Ugh, is that his answer to everything. If you don't like it, ignore it. Stupid male philosophy. I think Bryan operates on the same idea because he can ignore dishes like there's no tomorrow. Besides, that's not the point.

"Don't be idiotic Hiwatari; she makes it pretty damn impossible to ignore her. She's like a…" A what? A virus? A plague? None of those things are remotely nice and I don't dislike Ming-Ming enough to be so bleedin' bitchy about her. It's not her fault that she thinks the way to a man's heart is to track him down and drag him back to her cave.

"A what?"

"I don't know. I'm trying to think of something nice to compare her to but it's not working out very well. She just needs a good female role model but the fuck if I'm doing it because I'm not getting involved. Maybe I'll slap her."

He choked and I suddenly realized I had spoken that last sentence out loud. Oh well, I figured she needed a good slap. After all, she's chasing after a guy who's not going to fall in love with her as long as he finds her annoying unless some great tragedy forces them together in which he will finally realize how great she is… but somehow, I didn't see it happening.

"Slap her? Why? You jealous?"

I blinked at him, and I figured I probably looked pretty stupid blinking at him but it was taking me a little while to figure out what the hell he was getting at. Why would I be jealous? I don't like the way she's chasing after him so I wouldn't be envious of that so… "Huh?"

His face closed down like a curtain being drawn. "Never mind, Benson."

"Um, alright then. So as I was saying-" His hand suddenly closed over mine, warm and calloused and my heart jolted in surprise at the touch. He was voluntarily touching me… weird. I looked up at him, feeling slightly warm and uncomfortable which I was glad he didn't notice considering he was staring up into the moor. Ok… so um, why was he holding my hand? "Uh, Hiwatari…"

"Ssshhh. Do you hear that?"

Um, I don't think I can hear anything over the pounding of my heart so that's a big no. I settled for a shake of my head.

He finally removed his hand, rubbing it against his jeans?! Bastard. First Gypsy has STI's and now I have cooties?! This guy needs professional help!

"There!"

"There, what?" And now he's hearing things. Ming-Ming has made a great choice I'm telling you. I could hear nothing but the chirp of birds settling down for the night, a trickle from a small brook moving down between stones and the wind moving softly through the grass. In the distance there was the sound of a tractor as per usual and the motorway was just an irritating buzz that disturbed the stillness. "I can't hear anything." He's psycho, I'm telling you.

"Shut up and listen."

I scowled at him. He could do with learning some manners too. Being a psycho does not mean he has to be ill-mannered as well. Especially since his mother is so nice and well bred and classy. He's so the spawn of Satan. Nicolai and Jean probably found him on the moors roaming like a little wild child who'd been brought up by wolves (yes there are no wolves in Ireland but there used to be before Patrick came and took all the exotic creatures to Africa…¬¬) and so they took him home and brought him up to be their son. Alas, unfortunately for them they could not cure him of his wild child manners and thus we must suffer it with great tolerance.

"Look, I thought I heard someone calling for help, so shut up so I can hear it again."

And if he does here it, what's he going to do? Ride off to the rescue? I don't think so. He'd probably just say 'I told you so' and then mosey on off home. Well I wasn't going to cater to his delusions. If he wants to stay and listen to the voices in his head, then fine.

"I'm going home." I muttered under my breath before nudging Gypsy into a slow walk down the road towards my house. Her hooves made a desolate clip-clop that seemed to echo down the abandoned road.

And that's when I heard it. Someone was calling, a man's voice and at first I thought it was some farmer calling for his dog but then the second call was more distinct because I was listening out for it and I heard what Kai had. The distress in the voice and the tone was definitely a call for help. Someone was in trouble. Kai was right. Shit.

"Did you hear it that time?" Kai demanded though the tone obviously said that he knew I did, however, that wasn't the point. Someone was in trouble and we might possibly be the only persons who had heard their call.

"Yeah. Where did it come from?"

Kai directed his gaze towards the moor looming over us. All I could make out was the stark black line of bare trees that stood out against the golden line of dusk at the top of the field but I knew it spread up and out further.

"Up there."

"How do we get up there? Is there a shorter route than the road on the other side?"

He nodded. "Around the corner there's a lane for the trucks to get up to the forest but they put stones on it and now it's not a good track for the horses. Too dangerous."

"So we walk up?"

"Yeah and hope whoever it is, isn't up too far."

We began to trot around the corner. I saw the lane he had been talking about set with the shroud of trees lining the corner. If we were going up there on foot? What were we going to with the horses? We couldn't just leave them there. This wasn't the Wild West where you could just tie your horse up anywhere and they would be fine. They could be stolen, they probably wouldn't be but you never know.

"What do we do with the horses?" I finally asked as Kai descended from Traveller with a smooth leap. He turned to me as he looped the reins around a rung on a metal gate. "You can stay here with them and I'll go up."

I shook my head adamantly. "You can't go up on your own."

Not that I care or anything but he didn't know what was up there and maybe whatever hurt that man could hurt him and I didn't want to have to carry two bodies home with me. That's my reason and I'm sticking to it. Besides, it wouldn't be right for him to go up there on his own.

"Then we have to risk leaving them here."

"Can't we take them up a little?" I wondered as I slid off Gypsy and managed not to stumble when my feet hit the ground. I looked up into the dark corridor bordered by trees that stretched like menacing arms over the small path. I could hear water coming from somewhere ahead of me, possibly running down the side of a field or something, or so I figured. I'd never been up this route before and it seemed impossible that a lorry could go up it. It looked too narrow.

"Might be able to," Kai murmured. "The stones are set pretty deep into the dirt here but further up there are sharp pieces jutting out nearly everywhere. Too treacherous for them."

"So we take them up to that spot then. That way they're not too far away and out of sight."

He sighed and nodded. "Ok, but let's hurry up. We have no idea how badly the man might be injured."

Who said anything about being injured? Maybe he's just stuck, on a fence or something. Maybe his jeans caught on barbed wire or his foot got stuck in a hole or something equally as menial. But the distress in the tone and the way the hairs had stuck up on the back of my neck told me that it wasn't something menial and I feared what I might see. What if he was really badly injured? What would I do? I had very basic first aid skills and nothing that would really save a man's life. Mum was the nurse, not me. I shied away from all of that stuff because I was queasy of blood and the like.

Or I figured I was. I nearly passed out when… though that hadn't been anything to do with blood but the awkward way he was lying. I could just imagine the pain he must be feeling and the idea had made me nauseous enough to start feeling light headed. Brooklyn had been the one to steady me, just as he had been the one to hold my hand the whole way there. Right now, I wish someone would hold my hand again.

I pushed my thoughts away and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other as we led the horses up behind us. Immediately I saw what he meant. Water was running down in the little furrows that wound down the lane and into the ditches that bordered it. Rocks tilted underfoot and a couple of times I stumbled myself but Gypsy and Traveller and Kai too, remained sure footed the whole way up the hill.

I didn't like the dark but at least I wasn't claustrophobic because the press of the darkness combined with the trees that were lining the lane were cutting out the light and the feeling of space.

"McFadden owns land up here. He has horses so he sometimes comes up in the evenings when he gets a chance. More than likely it was him who called."

I blinked stupidly, trying to keep my balance. Was Kai actually offering up information without being prompted? Man, where's my calendar when I need it? This is definitely a red letter day.

We reached the top of the hill and the trees died off, leaving landscape as far as the eye could see. Forests and fields of heather and rushes all collided in a large collage of colours or would have if it wasn't so dark. Now they just made up different shades of navy.

"We'll leave the horses here." He stated and began to tie Traveller to the gate. I quickly followed suit and scanned the area for any hint of other life but up here there only seemed to be the two of us and the cacophony of creatures.

I turned to say something; I don't even know what, just something to Kai and found myself staring at his back. Like it would have killed him to say 'come on' or something. Honestly, that boy is mentally fucked up or fucked up mentally, whatever. I gave Gypsy a comforting pat, hoped to god Traveller didn't do something or that she had a headache, and gave chase to the irritating fiend.

"You could have told me you were leaving."

"You could have paid attention."

"Some days I really dislike you."

"Hn." Ugh, blood and stone but I figure that stood for 'feeling's mutual' which wouldn't have taken long to say either. Hiwatari has this love affair with making weird grunting noises. I think he may have been a pig in a previous life.

The backs of my legs were beginning to scream with the strain of walking up hill. Yeah I may have been fit since riding does take a lot out of you but that didn't mean I didn't feel pain when stalking up hills after long legged gits who ate up the earth as if they were walking on plush carpet and not rocky ground. I hunched my shoulders and shoved my hands in my pockets. Maybe we were wrong. Maybe we had misheard the noise. Maybe the man was shouting for someone not for help.

"What if we were wrong?"

"Then we're just going for a walk. You ever been up here before?"

"No."

"There we go."

I wrinkled my nose. Yeah people were really going to buy Kai showing me the sights and sounds of Ballykuten moor. Though I hadn't been up this part of it, all moors kind of look like each other, so I don't think I was missing out on much. Plus Kai was well known for being introverted and taking a girl out to the moors wasn't exactly in his character was it?!

I opened my mouth, exhaled and decided I'd be better off not saying anything at all. Instead I simply tried to keep my mind blank as I negotiated the treacherous path, cursing under my breath every time I managed to miss step and drop my foot into a puddle. After a few more tiring moments and many thoughts of 'how far does this lane go on for' Kai suddenly stopped. I put some energy into catching up with him and froze. There, pulled into the side so that it almost looked as though it were tilted sat a dusty red jeep.

"It's McFadden's jeep." Kai muttered moving up to peek in the window. "He's not in it."

"Maybe he's checking his horses." I scowled as Kai snorted at my logical response. I bet he's a closet 'Murder She Wrote' fanatic. Probably spends the whole time deciding who the murder is before Jessica does. I can see him doing it too. And I bet he's the worst person to play Cluedo with.

He shot me an irritated look before standing up on the hedge to scan the fields. "He could be anywhere."

"I can't believe that I'm trying to talk sense into you. This is such a turnaround. I'm usually the illogical one. I want my style back, quit stealing."

"No take-backs." He muttered tonelessly and I couldn't help but gape at him. How could he be so childish and yet be so emotionless at the same time. "Look, I heard him, ok?"

"Ok. I'm just…" A flash of light caught my eye and I frowned. We were too far away from civilisation for that to be a car light and it was too close at any rate. There it went again! Too rhythmic to be a car as well. "Hey, what's that?"

I pointed in the right direction and waited for him to see what I had. I knew the minute he did because he tensed and his eyes narrowed, his brow becoming furrowed.

"Is that Morse Code or something?"

"No it's just someone flashing a torch."

I rolled my eyes at his haughty 'I-know-more-than-you' tone before throwing my leg over the fence. Kai didn't bother to ask where I was going which was what I was sort of expecting, instead he followed me and we crossed the uneven ground towards the light. An eerie breeze kicked up and swept over the harsh wild grass, stirring evening insects and creatures into scuffling to a safer haven. Somewhere, not far away, a fox was yapping for its mate and a dog was barking for it to shut up.

I shivered as we grew closer to the light and I began to shrink back. "What if it's not him but-"

"What? Someone out to kidnap us? Get real Benson."

Yes, please make fun of me, you bastard but since you're prettier, if there are unsavoury characters around, they'll rape you first! I shivered again and hunched my shoulders but I strode purposely after him, not willing to allow him to think I was scared. I wasn't. I was just wary. Maybe it was McFadden and we had to make certain he was ok, but I was a girl and we instinctively look for danger in the dark. Men may have to fear the same dangers but they're less likely to believe it could happen to them. Women had a bigger fear than death and wandering around a dark field alone was always a bad sign. I had to comfort myself that there were two of us but although Kai may have been able to hold his own against Brooklyn, I wasn't so sure how he'd cope against several men who might be bigger than him.

The light hadn't flashed again and my stomach rolled. I didn't know what I was walking into or what I might see and the whole idea made me nervous. I didn't like not knowing things. Above us, the first star shone as brightly as the flicker of the torch beam and in the west, the moon was slowly rising. At least I figured it was the west since the star above us had to be the North Star.

When I was younger, I hadn't believed my father when he told me the brightest star was the North one since it was so obviously –in my little world- in the South. To me, left was west and right was east and north was ahead of me and south was behind me. Of course, I soon learned other wise but even now, when I'm trying to work out what way to turn when I'm going anywhere using a map, I still think of left and west and right as east. My Final Fantasy games are the best example of that fact.

"Mr McFadden?"

I scowled at Kai. Yeah, alert the bogeymen to our presence. Haven't you heard of the element of surprise? Somehow I knew that if I said that to him, he'd only sneer and mock me. It seemed to be what he excelled at.

His hand whipped out and seized my arm, yanking me to a stumbling halt. I frowned at him but doubted he could see it in the growing dark. Was my mum wondering where I was yet? Or was she at work? Honestly, I didn't know what hours she was working tonight but I desperately hoped she wasn't worried about me. Maybe I should have phoned her to tell I'd be home but that would have only alarmed her if I wasn't home when I said I'd be. For the moment she'd just think I was having some fun with Nicolai or Jean and she wouldn't worry until it got way past dinner time and phoned Jean. Then that would have all the neighbours on red alert and we'd get such a telling off when we got home. I'm blaming Kai for this too, after all, he's older and he was the one who heard the cry for help that I hadn't heard once since.

"There." Kai exclaimed, pointing to something in the darkness. All I could see was a few shrubs, a tuft of grass and more shrubs. I continued to stare at the darkness until it began to swim dizzily in my vision and then I picked up on something that wasn't quite the same as the others. The shading was different and…

"Kai, that's a horse, you muppet!"

"No, beside the horse; there on the ground. Idiot."

I resent being called an idiot just because I don't have binocular enhanced vision! I looked again and since he was now dragging me along side him, I began to see the bundle on the ground. Though fair enough, it could be anything from a knoll to a shrub to… someone in a red coat. Well shit.

Kai was already racing towards the figure, legs carrying him easily while I stumbled along behind him wishing furiously for something like my skates. Except they wouldn't help me here either but skates are much better than shoes since they require less work in my opinion. They probably don't since they both require moving your legs but it's the idea in my head that counts. And shit, that man didn't look like he was moving. Shit, shit, shit!

Kai fell to his knees by the crumpled body and immediately shedding his coat before placing it over the man's chest. Against my will, I found myself moving forward to see what was wrong with him. Was he badly hurt? Was he…

"Kai, is he…?"

"What? No! I don't think so."

I skirted the body and moved to the side, taking in the features of the slumped man. His face was craggy and weather beaten, his hair the colour of pepper, grey with white hints here and there. "Ok, Kai I need you to call an ambulance. I don't think he's been electrocuted so it's probably ok to touch him." I muttered to myself as Kai fumbled in his pocket for his mobile. I shed my coat and tried frantically to remember the first aid stuff mum had drilled into my brain. Come on, I'm the daughter of a nurse; this should come easily to me. ABC. Airway, breathing and circulation. Well he didn't look to be bleeding, which was good. Bleeding is bad, it can lead to shock, not nerve shock but serious life threatening shock. I held my hand over his mouth and felt to see if he was breathing. Something stirred against my fingers but that could have been the wind. Shit.

"Um…"

Vaguely, through the rushing in my ears, I was aware of the fact that Kai had wandered off in search of a good enough reception to call for an ambulance. However one thought lingered in my head. We were in the middle of nowhere and if the phone call went through to Ballyshannon, they weren't going to know the countryside of Ballykuten. Shit. Shit. Hell.

Was his chest moving? I don't know. Um, right, pulse. Carotid artery has the biggest pulse and can be found just to the left of the Adam's apple. Ok, I know this pulse. I held my breath as I waited for something, some movement to tell me the man was alive and that I could help him and for a moment, I could feel nothing but then I felt something pulse against my index and middle finger. I let out a relieved sigh.

"Oh, thank god."

It wasn't the strongest of pulses but it was steady enough, probably a little fast but that was to be expected. When Kai did come back, I'd ask him to count the beats but for the moment, I was more intent on making sure his breathing was ok.

I pried open his mouth, using his chin as a lever and pressed down on his tongue, tilting up his chin in a thrust motion to take pressure off his windpipe. The last thing I wanted was for him to swallow his tongue either but I couldn't risk moving his head in fear of a neck injury, especially since I didn't know what had happened to him.

What else was I supposed to do?

Um, main aspects of first aid are to preserve life and to prevent the casualty from becoming worse and to promote recovery. The three P's but they weren't helping right now. I leaned over him and held my ear over his mouth while placing a hand firmly but gently over his chest. Something stirred and this time I felt his chest move slightly. Shallow breathing, slow but not bad either. I don't think. Oh shit, I'm really bad at this sort of thing. Part of me was thinking I should call mum but she might not answer phone if she's on the wards.

"I can do this. Mr. McFadden, can you hear me? Mr. McFadden?" Nothing. I sighed heavily. "Um… my name's Amber and I'm going to try to help, ok? My friend Kai's gone to phone an ambulance. They shouldn't take long, ok?" I startled as something bumped my shoulder and I glanced over it, expecting to see Kai but let me tell you, seeing a horse towering over you demanding affection while you're trying to preserve someone's life is a little bewildering and not exactly horrible either. Whoever said animals would make better humans' was right.

A heavy footfalls and breathing alerted me to Kai's arrival as he came up beside the horse and came to a stop before me, kneeling down beside the body. "I called the ambulance and they're on their way and I phoned Dad too and told him to keep an eye out for it."

"Good, I was wondering about that. Ok, he's breathing and he's got a pulse but I need to check them. I also need-" I shrugged off my own coat. "Put that under his legs, you need to keep his feet elevated."

"Shouldn't we put him into the recovery position?"

"Can't. He might have neck injury and I don't want to risk that." Not after what happened with Mystel- and I couldn't think about that. "Ok, do you have a watch with a second hand?"

"Digital."

"That'll work. Ok, I'm going to count his pulse; you tell me when fifteen seconds pass, ok?"

He rubbed his nose before nodding. I didn't even stop to think that he might be cold because right now, that wasn't important. I took the casualty's wrist gently in my hand and feeling along his radial, I felt for the pulse… "Ah shit. I hate taking this pulse."

"Why not take the neck one?"

"Cause this way you can check the breathing- There good, good, good. Ok." Gently pressing the wrist to the casualty's chest, I began to count.

"He looks really pale."

"Eleven, twelve, yeah, fourteen."

Another while lapsed as I tried to count and figure out what else I could do. I had elevated his legs, I had tilted back his chin so I didn't think I was obstructing his breathing, we had kept him warm. What else?

"Time's up."

"Ok, twenty three by four? Four by three is twelve-"

"92. Is that dangerous?"

"Average pulse rate is 72, so yeah it's fast but he's also pale and clammy, so he's going into shock but he's not losing fluid. Unless there's an injury I can't see."

"Shit."

A low groan caught our attention and I watched the casualty begin to twitch and moan softly. Eyelids began to softly flutter before opening slightly and he squinted up at us. "Wh-" He broke off and cleared his throat. "Who?"

"Mr. McFadden, it's me, Kai, Nicolai Hiwatari's son."

"Aah…"

"Mr. McFadden, do you know what happened?"

He groaned and began to try to push himself into a sitting position and just as I was about to snap at him to sit down –which is a really bad idea- Kai was already gently urging him to lie down by pushing his shoulders firmly.

"You shouldn't move. We don't know how bad you're hurt."

"Ah… horse… kicked me… little brute."

"Where did it kick you?"

"Stomach." He croaked out, wincing in pain.

"Ok, you're probably bruised; you may have some internal bleeding. You'll have to just stay here for the moment. The ambulance is on its way and we'll stay here and keep you company."

"I'll be… fine."

"No, you won't. Just please, stay still and just rest. Look, Mr. McFadden, do you have anyone you'd like to contact and have them meet you at the hospital?"

"No, no hospital."

"Look, you need to get the kick checked out. You could be bleeding seriously inside. Luckily enough, you aren't vomiting up blood so you probably are ok, but it's better to be safe than sorry. I know this, my mother's a nurse. You don't want to go thinking every things ok and then collapsing some day. Just give me a break, ok?"

I caught Kai's amused look and glowered. Prick. Even in this situation he still finds something to mock about me. Ah well, whatever floats his boat. Mr. McFadden grumbled some more and threatened to put the horse down for which I was promptly planning to leave him but a dark look from Kai had me staying put. However after a while, I heard the wail of the siren and after another while, there was a sound of doors being opened and slammed and I can't even begin to explain to you the absolute relief I felt when I saw Nicolai racing over the rough terrain towards us followed by the bright neon yellow jackets of the ambulance men. I glanced over at Kai and realized his relief was almost as palpable as mine even if Mr. McFadden had begun to fuss about not needing any ambulance. You try and do something nice and this is the repayment. Men.

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Several hours and half a dozen cups of weak hospital tea later, I was finally on my way home. The past couple of hours spent in the frigid, sheer white corridors, sitting on uncomfortable seats waiting for news on Mr. McFadden. Jean had managed to get in contact with his family, he lived with his son and daughter-in-law and both had been profusely grateful to us. Actually it was kind of embarrassing. I mean, they acted like we did some great deed but what else were we supposed to do? Just leave him there? No way. However, Kai and I began to get really uncomfortable with the gushing and so Nicolai smuggled us out and told us that he and Jean would get a taxi home.

So now Kai was driving me home which wasn't as bad as it could have been. I mean, it seemed like ages ago that we were fighting about something lame like our horses having STI's? Yeah, nothing like an accident to put things into perspective. Oh and as for Mr. McFadden, well he did have some internal haemorrhaging and he had to get surgery which wasn't the best thing at his age but it wasn't anything too serious or life threatening and so when we left, he was stable and the doctors were optimistic. Mum promised that she would keep me updated for which I'm glad. I mean if mum hadn't been there, I think I would have freaked out the minute I stepped into the hospital. I really, really hate that place.

"So is there anyone at yours?"

I glanced over at Kai as he shifted up a gear. "Um, yeah Shahero and her Dad and possibly Bryan but I'm not sure, he might be working."

"Bryan?"

"My cousin Bryan, you know the guy who came that night we had that dinner." You know the night you tried to… well let's not get into that realm of thought.

He flicked a look at me and I wondered if his thoughts were on the same train as mine, before I quickly dismissed it as he looked away to keep an eye on a slow moving Corsa ahead of us. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, suddenly very aware of his hand on the gear stick, where it rested idly, only moving to help him steer the car. Suddenly the car began to feel warmer and far too small so when I finally saw the sign for Ballykuten I could have kissed the ground.

We drove through the town, over the lights that shimmered off the wet tar and past the brightly illuminated shops with teenagers crowding around the openings like moths around a lantern. Sporty hatchbacks with spoilers and metallic rims were parked parallel to each other so that the drivers could have manly chats which basically came down to simple gossip. Kai acknowledged a few with a lift of his hand or an inclination of his head but didn't slow down to trade conversation with any of them. Not like Mystel but then Mystel was a much more social boy. That was both a blessing and a curse because in all honesty, sometimes I didn't want to tag along and be a third wheel while he talked to people I didn't know or want to know. And at other times, through him, I met some really cool people plus Dicklyn.

We turned down the side road by the Church graveyard and it wasn't long until we were heading down the lane past Tyson's house that was all lit up and pulling up the drive towards mine. As we rolled to a stop, Sheba burst out into sharp cacophony of barking.

"Sheebs shut up!"

"At least you won't have any surprise visitors."

I rolled my eyes at his nonchalant comment because for some reason, Hiwatari has a big soft spot for Sheba. I don't understand it but like Brooklyn, I think Hiwatari is someone who prefers animals to humans so why they beat each other up instead of making nice-nice is beyond me but they're boys and no one can understand them.

"So, um, thanks for the lift, but you should probably go get some sleep."

"Yeah because with all this free time on my hands, I won't be able to function properly with one night of less than twelve hours sleep."

I blinked at him. "Was that an attempt at a joke, Hiwatari?" A smirk played on his lips and prompted one of my own. "Because it sucked!"

His scoffed. "Like you're one to talk."

"Excuse me, I'm funny. You just have to be highly intelligent to understand my jokes. Nyah!"

"Hn." He muttered shooting me a 'you were saying?' look and I rolled my eyes.

"I was just trying to be polite. I mean, are you planning to walk me to my door? It's just around the corner Kai."

"My mother will want to know that I made sure you got in safely. And I hate lying to my mother."

"Which is why you do it every Tuesday when you tell her you're studying in the library instead of playing basketball with Tala?"

He grinned sheepishly and I almost had a heart attack, seriously my chest even seized up and everything. "That's not an actual lie since she knows I'm lying. Look at me; do I look like someone who studies in the library?"

I observed him, leaning against the bonnet of his car; all that lean muscled length of him and pursed my lips. For a guy who had just dealt with something pretty traumatic, he looked pretty darn good even though he looked slightly drawn and exhausted. His face was pale and his hair was mussed as if he had just woken up when in fact, it was I who fell asleep against Nicolai in the corridor. "Honestly, yes, yes, you do."

Yet again, the brow rose. Maybe it's something him and Tala practise in the mirror. I began to shift uncomfortably under the gaze. "What?"

"You're a strange one."

"No stranger than Miyami or Shahero."

"Yeah well they wouldn't have been able to perform first aid on an unconscious man."

I sighed heavily and rolled the kinks out of my neck. "Yeah, well I have a nurse for a mother, they don't. Besides my mum does it every day so it's not big deal."

"Your mum is trained to deal with it every day, you aren't. I have to admit, I was impressed that you didn't freak out."

I bit my tongue to cool my ire at his tone before admitting that even I was slightly impressed. "Honestly, I didn't think I remembered any of it. I learnt some First Aid after… well after, you know. It just came back to me though, I guess it's instinctual. Someone's life is in danger so you have to help."

"Some don't." He replied softly and I shifted uncomfortably under his piercing look. Silence fell on us again, not exactly comfortable but not enough to send me scampering towards the house until Kai felt the need to break it with an utterly devastatingly stupid question.

"So I'm surprised you didn't call Brooklyn to tell him what happened."

Huh? Talk about a subject change. "Why would I call Brooklyn?" It hadn't exactly been exactly at the top of my list of priorities while saving a man.

"Well he has a car, he could have collected you."

Jerk. I thought he was being nice, offering me a lift home and everything and then we were having a nice conversation and now this? What the hell is wrong with this idiot? "No one is forcing you to stay Hiwatari."

"That's not what I meant." He stated, pushing away from the car and moving to the wall, looking down over the fields that stretched out as far as the eye could see with only the odd sweep of a cars headlights as it snaked along the main road. "I was simply asking a question. You seem to go running to him every time you're upset-"

"Upset?! What the hell is wrong with you? I thought you were being civil but it turns out you're just being a moronic piece of ass crap!" He turned to stare at me and I knew I was acting out of character but goddammit; I was fed up with this. It was time to finally set the record straight, not that I had to explain myself to this fucked up nit-wit but this was getting beyond a joke! "I am not with Brooklyn!" I hissed out between clenched teeth. At least that way I had a chance of stopping myself from babbling.

"I never said you were." He replied coolly and I wanted to hit him so much!

"No, you implied it. What is with you people? Have you never heard of platonic friendship? If that's even what Brooklyn and I are. We loved Mystel, heck Mystel was like Brooklyn's brother, do you really think we'd betray him like that. He's only been dead nine months and I loved him, I wouldn't betray him. And certainly not with Brooklyn. Not to mention the fact that Brooklyn has only ever been interested, really and truly interested, in one girl and her name is not Amber! In fact, we don't even fucking look alike. She's got light hair, I've got dark hair, she's got light skin, I've got dark skin, she's got-" Uh, what else has Arista got that I don't? Um… "-dark eyes and I have light eyes!" If you can really call them light since they're just a rich colour but they're not brown so yeah they're light, I guess. "We're complete opposites and that's not even the point."

"I never said there was anything between you and Adams."

"No but you were thinking it. I honestly don't understand this. I know you don't know me but for god's sake, I thought you'd at least realize I have some morals. I wouldn't ever do something like to Mystel and besides, I don't like Brooklyn like that and even if I did, it wouldn't be fair to Mystel."

"Mystel is dead."

Not to me he isn't. "SO?!" At this stage there were tears falling from my eyes and I couldn't stop the tightness in my chest, the way my breathing was coming in hitches. Why did everyone keep insinuating this thing between me and Brooklyn? Did they really think I was that fickle that I would do that to Mystel? Didn't my feelings mean anything? I loved Mystel, I loved him so much and he was my best friend and they thought I could just turn my affections to Brooklyn? The scary thing was that the more they insinuated it, the more I wanted to distance myself from him which was unfair, because he was the only person who could understand me. Because he knew my emotions just as well as I did.

Everything was just crumbling down around me and I couldn't even find the strength to stand up as the sobs crippled my body. I was only vaguely aware that somewhere during my emotional breakdown Kai had moved and now his arms were around me, awkwardly trying to offer comfort. The bastard. He was the one who upset me and then he wanted to make things better? What kind of asshole was he? I pushed away or tried to. That was the intention, but he trapped my hands and continued to keep me held roughly against him by pressing a hand to my lower back.

I sobbed into his chest and cried out everything that had built up inside me. All the pain and the stress and the fear. How come I had been able to help Mr. McFadden but I hadn't been able to do a thing for Mystel. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all. Mystel was young with his entire life ahead of him and one fall just dictates his death. It wasn't fair. Why hadn't it been me or someone-

"Stop it!"

I jerked back to find Kai glaring down at me. I had forgotten he was holding me and the realization brought heat flooding to my cheeks. I had just cried on top of Kai Hiwatari. Oh god. Ming-Ming would love to be in my position but god this was really embarrassing. He was probably furious with me.

I sniffed and sucked in a heavy breath, trying to calm the shakes and shudders which were quaking through my body and constricting my chest. More tears spilled over as the humiliation sunk in. Only before I could reach up to wipe them away, Kai's hands cupped my face and I froze, a shiver running down my spine. Goosebumps rolled over me like a marching row of ants and I shuddered from the sensation of his hot, calloused hands against the coldness of my face. Oh god, he was touching my face and it felt so unbelievably good for such a simple touch. My mouth went dry as I gasped in air. His eyes were dark and intense searching my face for something; his thumbs caressed my cheeks, brushing away the last of my tears. I trembled violently even as my spine went ramrod straight.

What was he doing? "Kai?" I whispered, confused and lost. Why was he looking at me like that?

"Shush." He murmured, his voice seemed like an intimate caress against my skin and I knew this was bad. This was wrong. His eyes darkened further if it was possible and slowly, so slowly he began to lower his head. Oh my god. I knew; I just knew what he was going to do. It was impossible not to and even knowing that I had time to move away, that he was giving me time to move away… I didn't want to. God forgive me, Mystel forgive me but I wanted to know just once what it would be like.

His mouth slanted over mine, cool and firm and everything inside me seemed to dissolve. My hand closed around his wrist, to pry him off or to hold onto something as my knees turned to jelly and his pulse hammered against my finger. It was just a soft, gentle press of his lips against mine, nothing more but when he lifted his head, my lips tingled at the absence and something inside me ached for more.

His gaze seemed to roam over my face once more and I desperately wondered what he saw. I had to be a mess, so why had he kissed me?

His hands dropped from my face and he stepped back suddenly expressionless and the cold began to seep into my bones. I don't know what he was going to say when he opened his mouth and experience assured me I wouldn't like it, so I jerked back away from him.

"I have to go." I muttered and shoving my hands into my pockets, I pressed my still buzzing lips together and strode around the corner. I heard the sound of his car door opening and slamming shut and then the burst of the engine as it revved to life and the whine as he reversed into the drive followed by the spurt of gravel as he left. I jerked the door open and stepped into the silent house and as soon as I closed the door behind me, the tiredness crashed down on me. I felt numb and tired and drained and the only part of me that was feeling anything was where he had touched me and I felt like crying because I let him after complaining about how I'd never betray Mystel and look what I had done. I had betrayed him. I had betrayed him in the worst possible way. And the scary thing was that I kind of wanted him to do it again.

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**A.N. **Well there you have it, chapter twelve. I know it was a long wait but I wanted this chapter to be good and I'm happy with it now, though it had loads of starts and stops so please review.

For those who care but not directed at anyone in particular:

As for SLTS, I decided to restart the next chapter again because I'm not pleased with it. If you don't like this idea, to be honest, I really don't care. SLTS is my story and I'm not writing it so everyone can complain about the lengthy times between updates, I'm writing it because I love writing it and right now it's missing something, like the heart of it. Until it's right, I can't post it. So sorry but the wait is going to continue a bit, try enjoying my other stories for the moment.


	13. Voice of an Angel

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Beyblade or the carols sung in this chapter. However if you want to know what they're like, I'd advise you to go to this website: _www (dot) Christmas-carols (dot) net_ oh and check out my fiction press account. www (dot) fictionpress (dot) slash (squiggly thing) zadien Or search zadien on fictionpress.

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This chapter is dedicated to Fuurai for reminding me to update._

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Previously: When Mystel Divine died in February, Treasa Benson decided the best thing for her bereaved daughter was to move her away from their old home and to move in with her partner and his daughter. This stability, she hoped, would give her daughter some kind of peace of mind. However what Treasa didn't know was that her daughter was being haunted by her cheerful dead boyfriend and it didn't matter where Amber went, Mystel was sure to follow. Within the first day there, while exercising her horse, Amber is befriended up on the moors that surround her new home by Tala Valkov, a fellow student at school. Through Tala, Amber is introduced to Kai Hiwatari and to Nicolai, the owner of the local stables. Soon enough, Amber is working at the stables and has struck up an odd relationship with the introverted Kai, ranging from flat out enemy to vague acquaintance. This puts her at odds with Ming-Ming, a young girl from Amber's past who fancies herself in love with Kai.

While trying to forge an almost normal life in Ballykuten, Amber finds herself in the middle of a school fight as Kai and his friends pull the always polite Oliver Dubois reluctantly out of the closet. As if that's not enough, on Halloween, Mystel goes missing and when she and Mystel's old best friend Brooklyn go searching for him at the graveyard where he was buried, the two find him. Only he's no longer a ghost but has been granted one whole hour to be a human and when that hour is up, Mystel goes back to his ghostly form only he's now visible to Brooklyn. Since Mystel decides to stick with Brooklyn to make sure that he's ok, Amber goes about her daily life as normal and when taking Gypsy home with Kai as an escort, the two over hear a cry for help. Through the CPR skills her mother has drilled into her, Amber manages to preserve an old man's life until the ambulance returns. After Kai takes her home from the hospital, Amber has another break down and she and Kai kiss.

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Voice of an Angel

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I blew into my cupped, gloveless fingers and rubbed my palms together in an effort to generate enough friction to warm them. November had come in fast and brought with it a fierce coldness that had swept Ireland. If it was this cold now, I was dreading what was coming for January or February, our colder months. Generally Ireland suffered from a mild winter, it wasn't until the spring months that the temperatures would drop and instead of rain, we would be buried under inches of snow. Of course, during the couple of days the snow did lie, traffic would come to a standstill, schools would close and the entire country would act as though the apocalypse had come. It made me wonder how other countries that suffered worse snow blizzards than Ireland ever would, could manage and Ireland came to an abrupt stop.

Folding my arms, I hunched my shoulders against the cold and tried to stop my teeth from chattering. Honestly, it was slightly embarrassing. There I was sitting on the bench waiting for the bus to come acting as though I was in the middle of the Arctic. The simple fact was that I hated the cold. The cold made me miserable and sleepy. It's a proven fact that I sleep more during the winter than I do during the summer. It's also stupid considering the amount of time I spend outside working at the stables; you'd think I'd have developed some immunity to the cold but I didn't.

So I was dressed from head to toe in the warmest coat, gloves, hat, scarf and socks I could find in the house, without compromising my uniform. Balkof is very particular about the uniform of the school. It must be worn the way he wants or you're given some kind of warning; one too many warnings and you're punished with lines or lunch time detention and all because the students want to be individuals and warm.

From what Shahero had told me, the school radiators should be turned on sometime this month. I sure hoped so since the school, being so old, had a tendency to be drafty and some teachers were against students wearing their coats inside the classrooms. It was ok for them. They could wear what they wanted to wear. Thick fleecy jumpers, jeans, doubled socks, boots with fur insides etc. We had our flimsy blouses, equally thin sweaters, trousers that were no thicker than socks and then the socks that could only provide so much warmth. On whole, the uniform would have suited a warmer country better but then again, probably not. During the summer, my old uniform had always been unbelievably uncomfortable but at least our teachers had let us take our jumpers off. Mystel had always looked incredibly good in the white shirt.

I sighed heavily.

Mystel. I still didn't know what to do about him and his sudden appearance at Halloween. I was tempted to go talk to a medium but... Simply put, a bigger part of me insisted they were all phonies and wouldn't be able to help me or would try to help and just end up wasting our time. Brooklyn would agree so I wasn't even going to suggest it to him. As for Mystel, well he would try anything once and get a whole kick out of the situation but I wasn't exactly on great form with him at the moment either. Guilt tends to make me bitchy, especially with the one person I felt I'd betrayed. I couldn't even be trusted not to kiss one guy. As a mourning girlfriend, I sucked.

Another mournful sigh.

"Here." I glanced up at Shahero who was approaching me from the roadside carrying two Styrofoam cups emblazoned with the name of the local _gala_ store. "I brought you coffee. You look like you need it."

I took the cup from her and raised it to my lips, testing the steam rising from the small opening to see if it was too hot. It was but in this weather, it wouldn't take long to cool down. "Is Tyson still inside?"

"Yeah, he's getting his breakfast." She answered, taking the seat beside me and carefully observing the figures strewn about the town. A quick glance at the town clock told us it was after a quarter to nine and that meant the bus was already five minutes late. Nothing really to worry about but some days you just get the feeling that not everything is a-ok. Today I was getting that feeling. Of course, it also could have just been down to me and Mystel being out of sorts. Since I wasn't exactly Miss Congeniality, Mystel had taken to staying with Brooklyn for the weekend but I honestly didn't think he'd ignore me for long. That's not how we worked. We were friends before we became a couple and we were friends for a reason. We were two halves of a whole. We couldn't not talk to each other. Even death couldn't keep us a part.

"I hate it when the bus is late." Shahero grumbled; sipping her coffee and digging around in her paper bag to unearth the Danish she'd bought from the shop. "And then he has the nerve to give us grief."

"And drive off without us." Not that it had ever happened to Shahero and me but there was many a time over the past couple of weeks where our bus driver would drive off without collecting a student just because he or she wasn't at the exact stop at the exact moment. Even if they were just about to cross the road or just walking to the stop, he would drive off. He was an obstinate jerk and his reason for his actions was this: 'this bus is public transport. It is not run by the school. If you cannot be at the designated stop at the correct time, then that is your own fault.' It was no wonder that half the students who took the bus hated him. But it was never a good idea to piss off the driver of your only way into school.

"What's taking him so long?" Another student, one I only recognized from the bus because he went to St. Mary's, demanded. When he caught us looking at him, he sneered. "What're you looking at?"

"Nothing of interest." Shahero retorted flatly.

"Bitch."

She gave him a cool disinterested look before sighing heavily and taking another bite out of her Danish. "Have you got History this morning?"

"Monday... um...no," I searched around in my head for my mental time table. "Double English followed by Maths."

"Which means I have the same. Yay. Who wants double English first thing on a Monday morning? What a way to compel a student to throw a sickie."

I jerked a shoulder. I liked English... just not first thing on a Monday morning. I leaned my head on her shoulder warily as I watched Tyson bustle his way out of the shop. One hand held his bottle of coke; the other was reaching into his coat pocket while his mouth was clamped tightly around a paper bag with something, which I assumed was his breakfast. He removed his hand from his pocket to wave at us and taking the bag from his mouth, he slipped between the parked cars and edged his way out towards the road, looking both ways before striding across confidently, still looking all the time.

"The bus still not here yet?"

"No it came but we decided to just sit here." Shahero retorted sardonically while I bit my lip to suppress a smile.

"Then where is it? It's almost five to nine." Tyson muttered, dropping his school bag and putting the bag of hot food into his mouth again, he unscrewed the cap of the coke bottle with a soft hiss and then took the bag back out again so he could chug a gulp of the dark beverage. "Aah, that's good. Nothing better than coke in the morning."

I sipped my coffee pensively. "Yeah, a mouthful of sugar and gasses; I can't imagine anything better."

"Oh come on bus." Shahero moaned, digging in her pocket for her phone and scanning the screen. "This is beyond a joke."

I tilted my head up to gaze at the thick mass of clouds above us, white and grey and silver swirling together intricately to form a bright blanket.

"Hey there's Tala!"

I looked up sharply and followed the direction Tyson was pointing. Sure enough, there was Tala, climbing out of a silver Honda Civic and closing the door behind him. He glanced over and waved briefly, before jogging over to us.

"Hey! What are you guys still doing here?"

I muffled a yawn and raised a hand in greeting while Shahero sighed heavily. "Well since the bus hasn't come yet, why do you think we're still here?"

Tala quirked a brow at her sharp retort and slid his gaze over to me before frowning. "Jesus, Benz, you look rough."

I glowered at him well aware that my appearance was hardly up to scratch. I hadn't slept much last night or the night before or the night before and it didn't help that I had to get up early Saturday morning to muck out the stalls at the stable and then there was Church yesterday and school this morning. I needed to carve out some time for myself. Most of my late nights were due to research and talking to Ashe on MSN, something I really needed to cut down on.

I covered my mouth with the back of my hand as I yawned again and tears blurred my vision. Oh god, I was not going to survive class today.

"Why don't you just go home?" Shahero demanded; her tone irate simply because she knew I was exhausted and wasn't planning on looking after myself. "I can get your notes for you?"

"Can you do my Maths test too?" I yawned again and groaned. I gulped down a mouthful of warmish –not quite luke-warm- coffee and struggled to remain upright. "I need to go to school. I'm just tired. Seriously, I'll be fine once I've woken up a little."

"Just don't drop off in English... if we ever get to school. What's taking the bus so damn long?"

"Well we're heading in now, if you want?"

We're as in we, as in plural? Oh crud. I glanced over at Shahero to see if she wanted to wait for the bus as part of me desperately wished she would but deep inside I knew better. She was cold, she was bored and she was fed up waiting. I was cold, I was bored and I was tired. Tyson was... well Tyson and usually easily amused but given his sudden lit up expression, I was guessing we were about to accept a lift from Tala and...him. Yay. My enthusiasm cannot be contained.

"Seriously? Dude you rock!"

Shahero glanced at me with an encouraging nod. "You coming? It beats going back home and begging a lift from dad... or Tyson's brother." Who is no longer referred to as Hitoshi apparently. God, I'd love to know what happened between them but I was not going to stick my nose in. No matter how much I wanted to and no matter how much I theorized with Mariah.

"Alright." I'll just conveniently and inconspicuously sit myself on the opposite side of the car from...him.

I scooped up my bag and slung it over my shoulder as I traipsed after Shahero, leaning close to Tyson so he could hold me up.

"If you want, I can get you something to perk you up." Tyson offered quietly and I glanced up at him suspiciously.

"I really hope you're not talking about drugs."

"What?! No way, I'm clean. I meant _Red Bull_. I swear by the stuff."

"I thought you swore by coke."

"Coke?!" Tala whirled round to pin us both with dark looks. I'm thinking his policy on drugs isn't very positive. "Who's doing coke?"

"Coke as in Cola, Tala. Not coke as in fine powdery class-A drug. Or at least I think it's Class-A; honestly don't know." I turned to Tyson. "I thought you were an advocate of Coke and now you're advertising _Red Bull_?"

"It works." He exclaimed as we stood in the middle of the road waiting for a car to roll past.

"It also causes heart attacks." It's true. Some kid died on the street after drinking too many cans. Personally, that just put me right off the stuff; then again, so did the taste. I tried it once at a family get-together; Bryan was drinking it with vodka and let me tell you, it tasted bad before the vodka was added. I honestly can't understand vodka drinkers; give me something fruity any day.

"Really?" Now he sounded shocked. Maybe he hadn't heard the story. Then again, given his age, he might have been in national school at the time. Stories like that wouldn't make a big impact to national school children.

"Some kid drank too much of the stuff and his heart stopped." I told him as I pulled open the backseat door and slid into the car without thinking, suddenly realizing my mistake as Tyson slipped in behind me and Shahero slipped in the other door. Great. I was sitting in the middle with a great view out the front window and no actual space to put my legs because Tala and Kai's seats were pushed so far back.

I lifted my gaze to Kai and then lowered it again. He didn't seem to pay us any heed as we got ourselves settled in the cramped space.

"Give me your bags and I'll put them in the boot." Tala suddenly said, popping his head in Tyson's door.

With a sigh, I passed over the bags to Tyson and then to Tala, all the while keeping my gaze firmly locked on anything but the passenger of the car.

"How are you, Kai?" Shahero wondered, pulling her seatbelt on since I had slipped my own as soon as I got in the car. I was very safety conscious, especially when sitting in the middle of the backseat. The last thing I ever wanted to do was go sailing out the front window. I saw all those adverts and not one of them appealed to me. I suppose that was the point.

"Fine. You?"

Oh great king of conversationalists, we not worthy of your incredibly lengthy speeches and awe inspiring descriptive phrases. I groaned and dropped my head into my palms. Honestly, I really didn't understand why he couldn't just offer up more than two bleedin' words. I get that some people are private and don't like to say much but this is taking things a bit far. I was surprised he even deigned to ask her about herself.

Shahero snickered quietly and I figured she was laughing at my melodrama; then she answered Kai. "I'm good, thanks. Just tired and cold; would you turn on the heater please?"

Oh wow, here I sit in shock. He actually did it. He leant over and turned on the heater and even put it on hot without being told too. Seriously, it brought a tear to my eye. How noble and self sacrificing of him.

God I wish Mystel were here. He'd hear my wonderful bouts of mental sarcasm and either laugh along or more than likely scold me for them –he's been awful about defending Hiwatari lately which he shouldn't be given the amount of respect Hiwatari has for him. That amount being zero, that is.

Tala's door opened and he slid his lanky frame in, settling into the driver's seat and glancing back at us. "Everyone ok?"

We all nodded dutifully with the other two adding vocal assurances. I was too tired to even do that.

"So you two are heroes, I hear?"

I heard Kai's sigh and it all but mimicked mine in tone. Ever since the whole, we saved Mr. McFadden's life, the whole town has heard about it. Well the majority of the town, the rest don't really know who we are or who Mr. McFadden is, or they don't care. I like those people. Don't get me wrong, the people in Ballykuten are very friendly but there're only so many times that you can hear that phrase. Heroes. Did we save the world? No. Did we stop an apocalypse? No. Did we stop someone from going nuclear in New York? Well considering I've never been there, that would also be a big fat _No_! But still, people kept using that word in reference to what we had done. I get that we might have potentially saved the old man's life but I didn't want to keep hearing about it. I just didn't like the attention and in that, Kai and I had something in common.

"It was nothing."

"It wasn't nothing-"

"Don't start Tala; she's really not up for accepting any kind of reward or acclamation." Shahero butted in and I knew she was being sarcastic but I appreciated her intervention because my beautiful friendship with Tala might have come to an abrupt end. As nice as it had been to help (and yes, I saw it more as a 'help' action, than a 'saving the life of' action) Mr. McFadden, I still felt as though I should have been able to help Mystel. If I had done that for him, would he still be alive? So whenever someone brought up the topic, Mystel would always just be there in the back of my mind in a non-spirit sense because like I said, he's been hanging out with Brooklyn these days. So, that probably means that Brooklyn was more antisocial than usual. That couldn't be a good thing but I knew that Mystel would never let anything happen to him... and yet, what could Mystel do to stop Brooklyn if he decided to try to join Mystel. It's bad enough having one ghost but two? I don't think so. Still the thought of Brooklyn just quitting had given me some bad moments of the past week that I didn't want to dwell on.

"But you guys saved a man's life!" Tyson pointed out. "That old man could have died up there."

"Give it a rest. Anyone would have done the same." Kai growled out.

For the first time, I was actually grateful to Hiwatari and his brusque attitude, even if he made what I had done sound miniscule. It's not like doing CPR is an easy thing. You're basically in charge of someone's life. If you don't do something, they could die and if you do something wrong, they could die and even if you do something right, they could still die. Humans were so fickle.

"_One, two, three, four, turtles! Mutant chain reaction! Turtles! Living underground! Turtles! Ninjutsu action! Turtles! It's a shell of a town! Turtles counting off! One: Live by the code of the martial arts. Two: Never fight unless, someone else starts. Three: Always stick together no matter what. Four: When all else fails then it's time to kick butt!"_

The car suddenly went into a stunned silence and I flushed darkly under their gazes as I slowly fished my buzzing phone out of my jacket pocket. "Hey Turtle!"

"**You're ok?**"

"Yeah I'm fine, Enrique. Why?"

"**There's been an accident. Turn on the radio!**"

"What?" A crash? I frowned, but acquiesced. "Hey, Kai, turn on the radio."

Kai shot me an irritated look and turned off the CD that was playing, I faintly recognized it as '_30 seconds to Mars_' but it had been playing at a low volume and he switched the radio on, twisting the volume knob up a few notches. Immediately the local newscasters' voice echoed out of the speakers in the doors and along the back seat.

'_...today. The road between Ballykuten and Carrenglen has been closed due to an accident at 8:20 this morning. A bus that had been travelling on the road to the small village just outside Letterkenny came off the road just after the lower glen corner. The Gardí are currently at the scene and the road will not be opened until later on this afternoon. It is not known at the moment if there have been any casualties but we will be sure to update you on any news as it comes in. _

_The Minister for Agriculture is meeting..."_

Kai turned the volume down and we sat in silence for a moment until Enrique's voice came through the phone again.

"**Amber? Amber? You still there? Miyami, let go of the phone!**"

I sighed heavily. "Well that explains why the bus was late."

"Are they certain it's our bus?" Shahero finally asked.

Tala shifted down gear as he approached the junction leading to the main road to Letterkenny. "I'd say so."

"**Our bus driver said it was the number 14 CIE bus. That's yours right?**" Enrique's voice sounded a little breathless, either with excitement because let's face it, it was kind of exciting. In a completely morbid way but exciting none-the-less.

"Yeah that's ours. We weren't on it, obviously, but it was late. We were kind of wondering why because you know public transport, it hates to be late."

"Yeah to the extent that he'll drive off without us." Tala muttered. He also seemed to have suffered the fate at our drivers' hands. Oh god, despite everything, I hoped he wasn't hurt.

"Anyways Enrique, I'll be at school in fifteen minutes, maybe less. So I'll chat to you then?"

"**Sure. See you.**"

I had just hung up my phone when Tala's phone buzzed loudly and he motioned for Kai to answer it.

"It's Johnny." Kai told him.

"Stick it on speaker phone."

Immediately there was a hushed buzzing from the phone. "**Yo, you dead man? I tried phoning Stone Cold Prick but he didn't answer.**"

"Stone Cold Prick's phone is dead." Kai told him flatly.

"**Why's it dead**?"

"The battery died. I'm using the other one."

"**Ha-ha! Ming-Ming'll be chuffed.**"

"Shut up."

I smothered a smile. I did take great pleasure in seeing Kai's reaction to Ming-Ming's very obvious attraction to him and his equally obvious dislike for her. It was just so interesting to see him actually show emotion.

"**So you're really not dead? Damn, guess I'll have to take all of my stuff out of your locker."**

"Quit trying to steal my locker." Kai grumbled, leaning back and propping his foot on the dashboard only for Tala to punch his leg, hard. "Hn."

"Take your foot off my dash or I'll break it. I don't treat your car with such disrespect."

Johnny cleared his voice loudly though since it was only over the phone, it didn't sound that loud at all. Shahero, Tyson and I just continued to watch the strange scene. "**So, did you hear about the crash?**"

"Yeah," Tala took a moment to indicate, and sped up to pass a small green car before he answered. "I just heard it on the news. Do you know if anyone was hurt?"

"**Not that I've heard but I'm sure we'll all hear later. But isn't Ballykuten not the first stop for that bus?**"

"Yeah but Kane sometimes gets it if he's staying at his dads."

So that meant that Kane's parents were split up. I didn't know that. Did that mean he was on the bus this morning when it crashed?

"**I haven't seen Kane this morning. I'll phone him, see if I can find out where he is. More than likely he's with Ozuma or Rei.**"

"Phone him anyway, Johnny. Just to make sure." Kai told him.

"**Aye, right. I'll chat to you later.**"

Kai hung up the phone, not bothering to actually say goodbye but I figured if the boys were friends for a while, they should be used to that. Still it did beat the never-ending farewells. How many times did you have to say goodbye before the conversation was officially over?

Tyson stretched beside him, reaching his hands up to place them flat against the ceiling. "Well I gotta say; I'm kind of glad we didn't get the bus today."

Shahero sighed. "Just shows that no transport is safe."

As a car passed out Tala, going way over the speed limit, I found myself agreeing with them.

* * *

There was an interesting rumour floating around the school by break time. I was sitting in the locker room chewing contemplatively on a packet of crisps with Sonia and Aspin, when Miyami glided in accompanied by Arista. The latter took one look at me and averted her gaze quickly. I sighed. Really, how many times do I have to tell people that I'm not interested in Brooklyn? It seems to be turning into a catchphrase and yet still no one believes me. Alas, in a romance book, it would be said that the lady protests too much... Good thing I'm not a lady.

"Hey!"

We greeted Miyami though not quite as enthusiastically. Honestly, it was hard to muster up as much enthusiasm and energy as Miyami seemed to have and it wasn't due to _Red Bull_ or coke or drugs for that matter. She just had this natural verve that I was drawn to, usually. Just not today when it took all my attention just to keep my eyes open.

"Guess what I just heard?"

"Kai and Tala are secretly lovers." I guessed, though personally it wouldn't surprise me. The two of them bickered like an old married couple; well they did in their own peculiar way.

"No, that's old news. No this is interesting and shows how Karma always comes back to bite you on the butt if you don't respect it."

Aspin stretched out her legs and began to dust down her trousers. "By all means, put us out of our misery."

"Salima Suzoru... is in the hospital!"

I lifted my head to view Miyami's expression from under my bangs. Generally this sort of news wouldn't exactly make someone dance for joy but then again, it was Salima and she was responsible for everything that's been happening to Oliver. Everything that's still happening to Oliver because even though Kai and Tala and Johnny had backed off, the other boys still didn't get it. It was like they smelled fresh meat and were reluctant to let it go. Most of them hung in their little packs and when together, they could get really nasty; egged on by each other. Seriously it sickened me. Sometimes I just wanted to grab a water pistol to soak them, kind of how you do to a dog that won't learn his lesson. When I mentioned the idea to Shahero, I all but had to wrestle her Super Soaker 2000 away from her hands. If it hadn't been for Hiroshi walking in when he had, I was pretty sure she'd be running around the school today with Arista soaking every guy in sight.

"What happened to her?"

"She was on the bus when it crashed."

"Oh my god, is she hurt?"

We all looked at Sonia who flushed sheepishly. "Well, I mean hurt badly? We may not like her but... we don't want her to be really hurt, do we?"

"A concussion and a broken ankle!"

I thought about that for a moment and tried to muster up some sympathy but the little devil on my shoulder was saying 'good' and the little angel was saying that she deserved worse. That was ok, the devil meant it and the angel was just saying it without any real meaning. I didn't want Salima to be badly hurt, like Sonia said but after everything she'd brought upon Oliver, I honestly couldn't say I cared about her. I certainly wouldn't be sending her any 'Get Well Soon' cards.

"Maybe the knock to the head will do her some good, knock some sense into her." Arista muttered bitterly.

Aspin nodded slowly before fixing her gaze on Miyami. "So, uh, what about Kane? Was he on the bus?"

"I knew you'd ask." Miyami claimed triumphantly. "You can say you don't like him all you want but it's so obvious you do."

"Shut up, Miyami."

"And because I'm such a great friend, I asked about him for you. Supposedly he's fine, just a few scrapes here and there but he went to the hospital to check on his sister. Obviously someone still cares about her."

"She's his sister; of course he's going to care." Sonia, who really seemed to be the bleeding heart of the group, told us in an almost offended tone of voice. I guess she didn't like the way we were being about Salima but it wasn't like Salima had done anything to endear herself to us. Then again, prior to the Oliver thing, I wasn't even aware Salima existed. Maybe she was nice beforehand; maybe Sonia even liked her. I wasn't really going to ask because I didn't want to see Salima as anything but the betrayer of Oliver's confidence. I owed the possibility of passing my Leaving Cert History exam to Oliver.

"We're not saying he shouldn't care, after all, he was involved with the whole-"

My phone buzzed in my pocket, drawing my attention away from Aspin's reply. I pulled it out of my pocket and checked the screen. 1 message received, from Mariah. My brow quirked as I opened the message, sending a cursory glance around the locker room while I waited. It was reasonably quiet considering most students tended to head for the canteen or the tuck-shop for food and socialisation with their friends. We had decided to stay in the locker room for two reasons, one was that since the whole Oliver thing, we can't imagine going to the tuck-shop without thinking one of the guys will attack us there –unreasonable, possibly but then I would have said it was highly unlikely last month and then look what happened- and two, quite frankly I was fed up of people staring at me to see if I had some kind of injury or something. Really, I felt like pinning a glowing neon sign over my head saying: "WAS NOT IN BUS CRASH!" Apparently Tyson was living it up because, according to Tyson, he was on the bus during the crash and the guy who stood at the bus stop with Shahero and I was an evil clone... I really worry about teenage boys sometimes.

"**Sorry i just got cred. Was it your bus that crashed? Are you ok? Text me back mattie's having kittens! Oh yeah was talking to ming-ming over the weekend. She thinks you and kai have something going on."**

I blinked and reread the message. Ok the bus thing was understandable, of course she would be worried and Mattie being Mattie probably thought I'd died or something equally over dramatic. I was tempted to just not text back and see what kind of reaction I got but I wasn't that cruel... then again, a nice message from beyond the grave could be funny. However, the second part of the message just wiped that smirk from my face. Ming-Ming said I had something going on with Kai? Why would Ming-Ming say that? After all, she was obsessed with Kai. She wouldn't lead people into thinking there was something else going on... then again; Mariah wasn't exactly Ming-Ming's biggest fan. I sighed and began to text back while Miyami began to tease Aspin about Kane much to the girl's disdain.

"**Say what?! Oh honey, I think you have your facts mixed up. Kai's Ming-Ming's wet dream; nothing to do with me. And yes, it was my bus but I'm fine. It crashed on the outside of the town."**

I quietly waited for the next message while wondering what other things Ming-Ming could be saying to people from Rathglen. It wasn't that I was famous there but in such a small town people knew me or knew of me or knew my parents and it was very well known that Mystel and I had been together and happy so for her to be telling people something else...oh god. She couldn't know about the kiss, could she? No way. How could she? Kai wouldn't have said anything- but I did tell him to make up a girlfriend if he wanted Ming-Ming to leave him alone.

Oh bugger. That plan really backfired in my face but still, it sounded too underhanded for Kai and yet, how well did I know him? Apart from the fact that he was a complete jerk the majority of the time. And he had been nice enough today –in that particular Kai way- what if he was setting the stage to get Ming-Ming off his back? How the hell had I become embroiled in the situation?! Dammit, I didn't want to but I might actually have to talk to him. Aw crap!

The phone buzzed again and I quickly accessed the message, eager to hear what Mariah meant.

"**Well ming-ming just said you 2 were getting close. Y is something going on?"**

No there wasn't anything going on and it made no sense that Ming-Ming would think that unless she had heard something.

"Something wrong Amber?"

I closed the message and after locking the keypad, I slipped the phone into my pocket before rising. "I gotta go talk to someone, be back in a moment." I assured them.

I stepped over the scattering of bags tossed onto the floor and made my way out the door, squeezing past a group of third years (or I figured they were third years) standing by the doorway waiting for their friend to catch up.

I bypassed another gaggle of girls, my lips twisting in annoyance as I shoved one of them rudely out of the way, ignoring her titter of appal but what did she expect? There was no way on earth that I was going to fit through that pin hole of space she'd allowed me. Stupid third year.

Finally, having fought my way through the growing crowds littering the entrance hall, I breathed in the cold, fresh air as I stepped outside.

"Hey Amber!"

I glanced over my shoulder and smiled ruefully at Miyami as she fell into step with me. "So who are we going to talk to?"

"_I_ am going to talk to Ming-Ming."

"Ugh. May I enquire as to why you are seeking her out? Don't get me wrong, I think she's a nice girl, but there's just something so wannabe about her. I hate posers."

"She's not exactly my favourite person right now either." I muttered, my mind running over everything Mariah had said. "She told my friend that there's something going on between me and Kai. Why would she do that?"

"You and Kai? My Kai?"

Whoa! I snapped my gaze to Miyami and my thoughts must have been plain on my face because she laughed loudly drawing a few looks from passing students and more than a few were appreciative. I had to admit, Miyami was definitely good-looking, which made it startling that she was so grounded and easy to get along with.

"No, no! There's nothing like that between me and Kai. We're distant cousins, remember?"

Actually I wasn't sure if she'd ever told me that. She probably had but what with everything that had been happening with Mystel and Brooklyn and even Kai, I'd forgotten or put it to the back of my mind. Other factors were taking precedence.

"But what makes Ming-Ming think there's something going on between you and Kai?"

If I knew that I wouldn't be seeking her out. "That's just it, I don't know."

"There isn't anything going on, is there?" Miyami queried, giving me a shrewd look.

I felt a flush work its way up over my cheeks and I once again thanked my heritage for my colouring. "No, there's nothing. We barely get along and hardly speak to each other, so I don't know where she picked up that idea. But what gets me is why she would even say something like that. She's obsessed with Kai, so why is she telling my friends that there's a Kai and me? Shouldn't she be trying to insinuate something between _her_ and Kai?"

Miyami frowned before shaking her head. "I don't know Toots, but I can tell you that that girl is a little touched in the head. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Your friends don't believe her, do they?"

"Well no but that's beside the point. What would she gain from that? It's just annoying me, especially with... well with Mystel and everything." I finally added softly, watching her out of the corner of my eye for a reaction.

"Ah, you wouldn't want people to think you're moving on too soon. You're friends won't necessarily believe it but if someone else were to have overheard it, it might not look good for you."

"Yeah... wait, you know about Mystel?"

She calmly clasped her hands behind her back and tilted her head to the sky, surveying the glimpses of grey sky through the dried and twisted burnished leaves. "Well, when you... had your little episode at the bar on Halloween, we kind of pressured Shahero into telling us. She didn't want to but well Tala had kind of already spilled the beans and Kai was in a foul humour and so Shahero just kind of blurted it all out."

She fell silent and I pondered her words. It didn't sound like my past had been broken in a nice calm manner... it kind of made me wish I could have been there to see it all happen –if I hadn't been the topic of conversation, that is.

"Why didn't you ever tell us?"

I jerked a shoulder. It was a question several people had put to me and it was a question I couldn't fully answer. My reason? Because it was personal, too personal to share with people I didn't really know that well. Yes, I saw them every day but at the same time, what did I really know about them? No, that wasn't really the reason either. I guess, part of it was that, and another part of it was that I didn't feel it was my place to tell them. Stupid considering that it wasn't anyone else's place either. It was just private and it didn't really need to be talked about, at least I didn't think it did. However, I was glad that Miyami knew at least. It made things easier, I guess.

"I didn't really know how to." I supposed, slipping my sleeves over my hands. "It's not exactly something that comes up in every day conversation."

"True. Well, you know that if you need to talk, I'm here."

"Trust me, I have more than enough people to talk about things like that," Including my dead boyfriend, I seriously didn't need more people to talk to, "However, if I need cheering up, you're definitely top of my list." And that was the truth. Over the weeks I was really beginning to think of Miyami as a friend up there with Mariah and Mattie. I couldn't be around her and not smile because she seemed to exude cheerfulness. Then again, I hadn't known her long enough to actually see her throw a temper tantrum, which she swore she could do like no other person on earth. I was tempted to push her buttons just to see that. I'm perverse like that.

"AMBY-PAMBY!"

I flinched and hunched my shoulders at the loud shout and the looks it drew. With a resigned sigh, I glanced over my shoulder and picked out the caller from the crowd of students coming down the path from the canteen. Daichi. Of course, it was Daichi. Only Daichi could come up with such an embarrassing nickname. I thoroughly hated him in that moment, especially when a few fellow classmates chose that moment to look at me and snicker. Ha, they were just jealous because they didn't have a cousin who liked them enough to give them a nickname... yeah, I'll just keep telling myself that.

"And Mimers too, what awfully good fortune!"

"..." Miyami blinked at her cousin while I shook my head. So not only had Tyson been going around claiming to be on the bus that crashed, he had also taken on an extremely terrible English accent. Why?!

"What have you guys been inhaling?" I asked warily.

Both boys exchanged exuberant glances before shaking their heads and grinning. "Nothing, nothing."

"Which means something, something. Oh joy."

"Amby, you do us a great disservice."

"I'm not doing you any service," I growled with a mock shudder.

Tyson gasped and slapped a hand to his chest in mock outrage. "What a dirty mind you have, Amber Benson."

"What a twisted one you have; I didn't say anything remotely perverted."

"Yet you assume that I implied that you said something perverted-"

"Tyson, please stop using big words, you'll give yourself a headache." Miyami pointed out pleasantly while Daichi rooted around in his pocket before plucking out a small black MP3 player. I noted that it wasn't an I-pod or anything so commercial, it was probably the cheapest one he could find in the _Argos_ catalogue –when it came to money, Daichi was a complete miser, just like Ozuma. Though you'd never dare tell either of them that they shared any similarities.

"Hey, listen to this." He offered me the earphones and I took them because it was Daichi and Daichi, despite being younger than me, was always a good judge of music. However if it was someone like Ozuma who had told me to listen, I'd be reluctant considering that Ozuma thinks Bass-hunter is a good musician. I don't quite agree with that theory and it has led to some very interesting Sunday night talks/debates/full out arguments but each to their own and all that. I just prefer something with lyrics and instruments played by the actual band and not re-jigged covers.

Music immediately assaulted my ears and I tried to place if I knew it but while it sounded faintly familiar I honestly didn't recognize it. "Who is it? It kind of sounds like Snow Patrol!"

"Blasphemy!" Tyson howled and Daichi grimaced, screwing up his face in complete disgust.

As the chorus picked up I realized that it couldn't possibly be Snow Patrol... despite the fact that the first couple of lines had a distinctly Snow Patrol-ish feel. "Who is it then and why are you listening to something so sappy? It doesn't sound like something you'd usually listen to."

"His girlfriend listens to it." Tyson told me, and I quirked a brow.

"Girlfriend? Who and does Seth know you have GF?"

"She's no one."

"Lovely," Miyami drawled. "That's exactly how a girl wants to be known as. No one. Charming."

I cringed in embarrassment for my cousin and tugged the earphones out of my ears. Maybe had I been in a better mood I would have appreciated the song more but also the fact that Daichi was listening to something that had a definitive sound of jingling bells in the background made me embarrassed for him. I quickly flicked through to the next song to see what else he had, slipped one earbud into place and sighed as harsh guitar riffs, piano's and drums kicked through my eardrums. That's more like it.

"The Beast and the Harlot," I identified cheerfully and Daichi grinned pleased with me for knowing it, probably. I'm not really as big of a music buff as Daichi and I tended to make a complete ass of myself with some of the things I liked –thankfully I got rid of my early Brittany cassettes a long time ago!- which prompted my cousin to threaten to disown me, often. "So who is she anyway? This no one?"

"I'm never living that down, am I?" Daichi quietly asked, rolling his eyes. "You don't know her."

"You don't know that. Tell us her name." Miyami cajoled, sidling up to him and batting her eye lashes causing his skin to bleed the same colour as his vibrant scarlet hair.

"You're not dead!"

As far as greetings go, that has to be my absolute favourite for today. I smiled bewilderedly as Enrique walked up to me, arms thrown wide in the universal invitation to hug. I stood stiff as he held me tightly and then began to look for help as Enrique's hand began to stroke up and down my back. "No I'm _still _not dead and you can let go now."

Enrique smiled warmly –and honestly, you couldn't find him in the least bit offensive, he was just so harmless and lovely- and releasing me, turned to Miyami and captured her in the same, slightly pervy hug. "You're not dead either."

"Well, I wasn't on the bus."

"I was!" Tyson claimed loudly.

"No you weren't."

"Hush!"

"Did you just tell me to hush?" Even Daichi seemed as disturbed as I felt. Hush was such a strange word coming from someone like Tyson–no wait, especially louder than life Tyson Kinomiya.

The songs changed and _Operation Ground and Pound_ became our slightly odd soundtrack. I took out the one earbud from my ear and handed the whole contraption over to my cousin as I turned to regard Tyson. "Don't you know that with this utterly false fabrication, you could be asked by the Gardaí to provide a witness to the accident? They're going to want to talk to everyone on the bus to get an idea of what happened and whose fault it was."

"And when they find out you bore false witness you could find yourself in front of a judge." Enrique added; though I wasn't sure that bearing false witness was the correct term for what he meant but I nodded along, acting as though I knew more about the judiciary system and Garda protocol than I actually did.

The bell sounded overhead and I frowned before groaning. So much for finding Ming-Ming before class started. Now I would have to go to French with none of this sorted out and spend the whole time dwelling on it while trying to be completely normal. Ugh, I was so not good with pretending things were ok anymore. I wouldn't see her until Irish, which was after French. Dammit. I wouldn't be able to talk to her then either because she sat near the back with Kai and his friends... who didn't necessarily want her there but what could they do? Our Irish teacher was very much in favour of different social groups mixing. Hence why she insisted in mixing us all up. I luckily got to sit at the front right beside the window where I could daydream.

"What class do we have now, Ams?"

"Well I have French, Turtle. I don't know what you have but you could have."

"I might have Business. Must go find someone from my class, see you guys later."

I watched as Enrique ambled off and sighed as I turned to Miyami only to realize that somewhere along the way, Tyson and Daichi had been pulled into another conversation. Given the fact that we were now standing still in a current of students moving swiftly towards the school building behind us, I figured we needed to find a better place to stand.

Miyami, probably thinking the same herself, grabbed my hand and tugged me over to the small space that led to the outside steps to the basement. Already some students were passing beneath us as they headed to class. Technically, I'd have to head there too but I wasn't in the mood to head to French early. No one would voluntarily head to French early; especially since I knew, from English, that my teacher wasn't in the best of moods. Despite explaining why I was ten minutes late for class this morning, she still had the nerve to give us all a dirty look as though we'd made everything up. I kind of wanted to tell her to listen to the news but I bit my tongue instead.

Two figures making their way through the crowd caught my attention and I immediately averted my gaze, unwilling to make eye contact. It wasn't like I was avoiding Kai but I certainly didn't want to engage him in conversation... if that was even remotely possible. I'd spent enough time with him this morning. However, in such a small school and with Miyami being his number one fan –of the non-psychotic kind because that title clearly goes to Miss Demented Ming-Ming– it was inevitable that he and his merry gang of...really pretty guys would come over.

I don't know but, is there some kind of wave or magnetic energy that just binds pretty people together? Because they do tend to travel in little herds. It's like this natural phenomenon that seems to occur everywhere. If you find one truly spectacularly attractive person, there's bound to be a few more tagging along with them. It's disturbing to say the least.

"Hey guys! How's Kane?"

"I'm going to head to class." I muttered but before I could make my rather stealthy escape, an arm looped over my shoulders and spun me right round and back into the 'circle of friendship'. I quirked a brow at Tala. "Hey."

"You're not dead."

I palmed my brow. "No shit, Sherlock. What's with that saying today? I must have heard it four times already and every time Enrique sees me, he has to blurt it out. It's like he's got turrets."

"Hmm," Johnny mused, looking pensive –a good look for him, quite broody and deep... which he usually isn't. Try sardonic and cocky. "That would explain an awful lot about him. The guy can't keep his mouth shut."

"Kane? How is he?" Miyami repeated her question patiently.

"Amber? You going to class?" I flicked a look over my shoulder at Shahero, Oliver and Hitoshi standing just a bit away from our group, not in the immediate rush moving towards class but close enough so they could melt back into the stream when they were ready. I noticed that Oliver was shifting uncomfortably and sending quick, darting glances around him nervously.

"Yeah-"

"She'll be there in a minute."

Oh yay, Hiwatari's begun to speak for me again. Why doesn't he just stick a hand up my ass and be done with it. I'd have said that too only it would have attracted some odd looks and definitely a few unwanted innuendos.

"Poofter."

"Queer."

Oliver flushed darkly as I stared in absolute appalled shock at the trio of guys who'd roughly shoved their way past Shahero and Oliver. If it hadn't been for Hitoshi's quick movement to grab for Shahero, she would have been quickly chasing after them to give them what for.

"Easy Tiger."

"Did you hear what they said?"

"It's ok, Shahero."

"No, it's not!"

"Come on, Angel. We have class to go to and those guys are a bunch of brain-dead retards."

"I'm not your Angel and you can't call people retards, it's politically incorrect."

Their conversation died off as they got lost in the crowd and I shot Kai and Tala a pointed look, after all, this was their entire fault. Both boys didn't even have the grace to look apologetic or embarrassed or anything of the sort, they just met my gaze evenly as though they had every right to call Oliver out.

"You could stop that." Miyami muttered; silver brows knitted over flashing crimson eyes.

"We haven't said anything to _him_ in weeks." Johnny stated, rolling his eyes and shoving his hands into his pockets. "If Dubois can't stand up for himself, that's not our problem."

"Considering it's your fault that everyone's talking about him as if he's got some kind of disease," and let's face it, even people with diseases don't get that kind of abuse, "it sort of is."

"He brought it on himself."

"No he didn't. You're just a homophobic git, Jonathan McGregor."

Oh this isn't going to be pretty.

"Give it a rest." Kai's voice rumbled over our small group and both Miyami and Johnny instantly deflated from their argument. Johnny began to sulk, turning his attention to the students slipping out of the basement exit and heading around the building towards the extension while Miyami turned a faux cheerful smile on Kai. I just shifted awkwardly and looked at Tala who was smirking openly at some secret only he knew.

"So Kai, did you hear that Ming-Ming's spreading rumours about you and Amber?"

Kai shot me a quick accusing look as if I had something to do with it. I glared back because I did _not_ have anything to do with Ming-Ming's dementia nor would I have encouraged it if I knew about it. God, did this guy have an ego or what?!

"No, I didn't know that."

"Eh, there're worse people to be rumoured with." Was Tala's sparkling contribution to the conversation.

"Why?" Johnny asked. "I thought Tinkerbelle was Kai's biggest fan and wanted to be his love slave?"

"When I figure that out for myself, I'll let you know because I was under that impression too."

"Maybe she got mixed up."

"On what, whether I'm Amber or she is?" I demanded, rounding on Tala with absolute incredulity. There was no way a mix up like that could happen. It was nay impossible.

Johnny scuffed a shoe against the ground. "So what's the big deal about it anyway?"

"The big deal is with Mystel." I ground out. Why could no one see that but me? There were people who didn't like the idea of me going out with Mystel and if they heard about this, they could twist it and report it back to Mystel's parents what would they think of me then? Nothing good, I can assure you. Mystel'd barely been dead 6 months and I was already moving on? That wouldn't sound too wholesome.

"Hasn't Mystel been dead long enough?"

The words took a moment to process in my mind because it had blanked completely at the callous remark delivered in such a calm, ponderous tone. And as soon as the remark processed, my stomach fell suddenly as if it had dropped to my knees and left me feeling faintly nauseous. How could he have just said that? As if there was a specific length of time to be dead. How insensitive could someone be? I gaped at Tala, unable to find the words I wanted to snap at him and to my surprise; the look that Kai gave his friend seemed to echo my thoughts. Sheer revulsion tinged with complete shock. Of all the people to say something like that, I hadn't expected it to be Tala.

Unable to even think of anything that I could possibly say to such a thoughtless question, I turned on my heels and headed into the school building; ignoring Tala's call for me to come back and barely registering Johnny's confused questions but I clearly heard Kai's response of: "Tala, you tool."

Had it been any other time or involving any other topic of conversation, I probably would have laughed at the statement and the tone it was delivered in. Kai sounded so resigned and disappointed with Tala, it kind of made up for the fact that I hadn't been able to deliver anything acerbic in defence of my recently departed. Sure Mystel wasn't truly gone in the sense that most people were gone and maybe that meant that I wasn't really moving on from him. Maybe other people were at a different stage this long after a death, I didn't know. What did I have to base my feelings on? I'd never really lost someone close to me before and I never wanted to ever again. And didn't people react differently to things like death?

I smacked straight into another person and winced, clutching my stomach that seemed to churn ever so slightly with every thought.

"Watch where you're going bitch!"

I glanced up through blurred eyes and shook my head at the self-righteous outrage on the tall boys face. I didn't recognize him nor did I care who he was. I muttered a brief, but hardly genuine apology, and stepped past him to achieve my goal of getting into the girls locker room before Tala could do anything as utterly stupid as to follow me.

"Whoa there, where are you going in such a hurry? Amber? Is something wrong?"

Distantly I recognized Ruin's voice talking to me but I kept my head down and shoved my way through the contra flow of students and into the nearly empty locker room.

"Amber!"

"I'm fine Ruin."

"Yeah, you look it."

I sighed and dropped my head against the cool metal wall of lockers before me. "I'm sorry." I blew out a breath and turned to face him, mustering up a weak smile. "How're you?"

"Don't change the subject and don't be polite when you don't feel like it. Now tell me what happened."

"Oh nothing, it's not important."

"Was it something someone said? I saw you standing with Valkov and his group of jerks earlier; did they say something about Oliver?"

I shook my head but I was glad that she was still on Oliver's side. If Oliver needed a protector, he wouldn't have a better one than Ruin. For all her bitchy looks and attitude, she seemed to be the only truly genuine person in the school. She didn't give a crap about anyone's supposed backgrounds or sexual orientation or their grievances with others. She just liked who she liked regardless of social pressure. You had to admire someone like that.

"It wasn't about Mystel."

"But someone did say something." I got the feeling that by someone, she meant Tala. Despite her maturity towards others, her past troubles with Tala would probably always taint her view of him.

"Yes, Tala said something utterly stupid about Mystel and I overreacted I guess... but still what he said was just plain rude."

"What did he say?" She demanded, dark eyes narrowing with disdain for our red headed acquaintance.

"Something about Mystel having been dead for a while now so I should move on... or something to that extent. They aren't the right words but it's kind of the feeling he gave off. Almost as though now Mystel's been dead for more than half a year, I should get together with Kai." Ok that was completely out of context but... it's kind of how he made it sound.

"You and Kai? Slow down Runt, I'm confused."

Runt? Oh gee, that's a nickname to aspire to. Can't someone just call me Amber and be constant about it? I like being Amber, not a host of names derived from it or my personality. Sigh. "Oh it's just something Ming-Ming said..." I groaned. This was getting way out of hand.

"Ming-Ming?" Yeah I wasn't really helping Ruin and her confusion with my comments.

"Ming-Ming said something to my friends at the weekend but I can't really say anything until I get it from her in case things have been completely misinterpreted and I told Miyami who casually mentioned it to Kai and then Tala said this utterly naive thing and... oh god, this is like some crap teenage soap opera. Just shoot me now." I moaned and slid to the ground.

Ruin snorted out a laugh before propping her shoulder against the lockers. "Well, at least your day has been more entertaining than mine."

"Hey Amber? You ok?"

I peeked around Ruin's legs and waved at Aspin who stood at the end of the aisle, bag held casually over one shoulder and her fleece tucked over the other arm. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Oh, ok. Well choir practice has been changed to Irish class but I'm not going to be there, I'm heading to sickbay and I'll probably get sent home. Can you tell the teacher for me?"

"Sure." I waved goodbye as she headed out of the locker room and returned my attention to the Goth standing over me. "So what's the-"

"Mulryan!"

Ruin's eyes flashed with annoyance before she flicked a glance at the doorway. I followed her gaze and waved at Garland and Robert who were hovering there.

"What?"

"Balkof's doing a locker search later... and are you two going to class? Second bell's about to ring." For such an uptight guy, Robert looked increasingly nervous as he swept the halls with his gaze, almost as though he expected Balkof to just pop up out of nowhere. It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest –after all, I was being haunted by my dead boyfriend- but I suppose I could understand Robert's anxiety, after all, here was the head boy handing out private information to another student. I'm pretty sure that was frowned on by the school's faculty.

Ruin just growled under her breath. "Go find Kennedy and tell her to clean out her locker." She ordered, running her gaze over the rest of the locker-room. It came to rest on a locker on the far side and she marched over to it, bumped her fist against the door and when it sprang open, she reached inside and pulled out a crumpled packet of cigarettes and a neon pink lighter. "And tell Queen that I have her stuff."

Garland and Robert nodded before walking off while I watched Ruin with wide eyes. And she said her day wasn't exciting. Wow. "What are you going to do with that stuff?"

"Balkof can't check my bag without my permission and he's not getting it, so they're going in there and if you're smart, you'll take any stuff out of your locker too."

"Um, I don't smoke." And it's true, I don't smoke and I don't do drugs and probably never will. On the odd occasion I will drink but not to an excess and I curse flagrantly. Everyone needs a vice.

"Anything of value in your locker will be missing come lunch time so if you don't want it gone, take it out. Photos, jewellery, your phone. Balkof's a regular klepto."

I gaped at her in stunned astonishment before frowning. "I should tell Miyami and the girls."

"If Martini hasn't warned them –which I'm probably sure she has- you can tell them in class. He'll not do it until second class where he can give someone detention if they come in during it since you're not supposed to go to your locker during class time."

"Yeah but they'll be coming in between classes."

"They'll be fine. Don't worry about it, besides you have to get to class. Don't you have French now? I wouldn't be too keen about turning up late to that."

I nodded as I struggled to think up a decent excuse. Luckily for me, I'd changed my books at the start of break since I hadn't any plans to leave the locker room. Of course, plans changed and now I was going to be late for my next class if that bell ringing above my head was any indication. I scowled and jumped to my feet, slipping out my key from my pocket and slotting it into the padlock on my locker. I yanked open the door and pulled out my phone, a picture of Mystel, some loose change and a copy of Eclipse which I took with me to read whenever I had a free class or was bored. Shoving them all into my bag at my feet, I locked the locker once more and slipped my bag over my shoulder.

"I'll see you later, Ruin, ok?"

"Yeah see you at lunch."

I hurried out of the locker room just as a turquoise blur rushed past me. "Oh hey, Ming-Ming?"

She whirled to face me. "Oh hey!"

Ok, so now what did I say to her? "Hi, um, I heard you'd seen Mariah and Mattie out over the weekend-"

"Oh, I have to go. Sorry, I'm so late for class. See you!" And with that, she darted up the stairs before I could even blink. Oh well, I guess I'll have to talk to her later. I shrugged and realizing how empty the hallway was, I decided that I really, _really_ should get to class or face serious punishment.

* * *

Luckily for me, my teacher had taken a migraine around third class and had decided to go home early, so I was saved from a lifetime of lines and disappointed looks and lectures... well to an extent. Ozuma still felt the need to point out how dreadfully late I was and how much trouble I was in; then Sonia put me out of my misery and told me that our teacher hadn't gone looking for me but was, in fact, away home and we were waiting for a sub, who unfortunately did turn up.

So when class let out, I hurried to choir practice with an obviously lighter heart. Already, before I even opened the outer door to the reception area I could hear music coming from the assembly hall but it didn't sound like our illustrious music teacher. Instead of the smooth melody of a Christmas carol, this was a jaunty tune more suited to something from an electric keyboard played at a Sunday school party. Believe me; I know the music played at those types of things. Bad memories.

So, it was with great hesitation that I pushed open the door and gaped at the scene before me. Johnny McGregor was sitting in front of the piano, cheerfully bashing his fingers off the keys with great enthusiasm as his head bobbed and thrashed about as though he was playing Mozart or Beethoven rather than... '_Grandma got run over by a reindeer_'? No, that couldn't be right... and yet there were the senior boys gathered around the piano, gleefully slaughtering the rather morbid carol.

I sidled over to an equally stunned Shahero and poked her. "I'm seeing things, right?"

"No."

"Music guy isn't asking us to sing this, is he?"

"No! This is Johnny being bored and rounding up the others to join in his insanity."

Sucking in a deep breath, the boys launched into the chorus. "Grandma got run over by a reindeer,"

"Everybody!" Johnny interjected and more students joined into the mayhem.

"Walking home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa,"

"Miyami!"

"But as for me and Grandpa, we believe."

Since they were now onto the next verse, the deafening din faded as most lost track of the lyrics but Johnny –who obviously knew the song in its entirety- kept singing along with his rather loud, yet surprisingly good voice.

"Now the goose is on the table, and the pudding made of fig. And a blue and silver candle, that would have just matched the hair in Grandma's wig."

The only person still singing along with him was Miyami who seemed to be as well versed as Johnny in the song and was as equally unabashed to be singing loudly in front of the entire school.

"I've warned all my friends and neighbours, better watch out for yourselves. They should never give a license, to a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves –ew!"

I laughed out loud. What was the 'ew' about... oh right, plays with elves, but the fact that they'd incorporated it into the song was just utter madness.

"Right, everyone!" Johnny called out as he led everyone in another round of the chorus.

"Grandma got run over by a reindeer," The noise picked up again and I couldn't help but join in as I struggled to sing and not laugh at the same time. Tala –despite the fact that I was still annoyed with him- was throwing himself into the song by linking his arm through Enrique's and the two of them skipping around in a circle. Kai, surprisingly, was singing too, though not as loud and his ears were burning with self-consciously but he was still leaning over the piano and singing along with the boys, while Rei and Ozuma clapped. Even Ian, who looked like he should have been on the sleigh with Santa, was pretending to conduct the choir, swishing and flicking his hands this way and that.

"Walking home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa,"

Shahero began to giggle and then flushed darkly when Hitoshi came over holding his hand out. Other students had begun to dance around in a circle and clap with Tala and Enrique though both had now found female companions. I curiously looked around for Ming-Ming as Shahero stomped after Hitoshi –he'd called her a coward to get his way- but I couldn't see the girl anywhere. Sonia was standing off in a corner and giggling softly at the whole spectacle, so I moseyed off to join her; not quite comfortable in joining in the festivities just yet. Didn't you need alcohol to be this insane?

"But as for me and Grandpa, we believe."

"And again!" Johnny urged, his fingers flying over the ivory and ebony keys as though he was some kind of master pianist.

"Grandma got run over by a reindeer," Everyone joined in for the final rendition... well nearly everyone. Tala got a little too carried away with his leg kicking and chaos quickly followed.

"Argh! You bastard!"

Despite Kai's vehement snarl, Johnny and many others continued singing while Kai tried in vain to kick the dancing Tala who was now in the midst of doing an intricate jig. I hoped he fell.

"Walking home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa,"

"Now, now Kai, no violence!"

Kick his insensitive ass Kai –not his knee. Ok, but as long as it hurts.

"But as for me and Grandpa, we believe." With a quick little tune, Johnny finished dramatically and dropped the cover over the keys almost taking off Ian's finger. The red head quickly got to his feet and began to bow magnificently.

"Thank you, thank you."

"What's going on?"

I glanced over at Ming-Ming and then quickly darted over to my side of the stage as Connolly came in behind her so that I wouldn't attract any attention. I'd managed today to go without too much trouble and I wasn't on the lookout for any more.

"Right class, let's take our places and... has someone been touching my piano?"

"No sir, why?" Amazing, Johnny was nothing but sincerity which probably should have been a clue that he was the culprit, but Connolly merely shook his head and motioned for everyone to take their place.

"Right... let's get the solos out of the way. Ming-Ming."

"I still don't have a male accompaniment."

"Well we could exchange a male for a female alto."

Immediately Miyami and I ducked our heads. I didn't think he'd choose us because I wasn't exactly here due to my amazing singing ability –all I can do is belt out few rock songs- but still I didn't like the idea of having to sing with Ming-Ming or sing in front of people at all.

"No, it has to be a boy!"

"Wow, she's not subtle in the least."

"Ming-Ming's never been subtle. I don't think it's even in her vocabulary." Miyami muttered and I silently agreed.

"Hey, where's Russia?"

Miyami shrugged. "I don't know. She is here today but she disappeared around break time and I haven't seen her. What about Aspin, did she go home?"

"That's her story."

"Yeah more like she went to see Kane and have some kissy time."

Connolly began the intro to 'O Holy Night' which Ming-Ming was going to sing the first verse and chorus of and then we'd all join in.

"Is there actually something going on there?"

"No idea. She's very tight lipped over it, which is kind of a hint that there's something going on, whatever that something is."

"Hey."

I startled and looked over my shoulder to find Tala standing there. "Uh, go away and you're not an alto."

"I wanted to apologize."

"Not now." I ground out. Everyone was kind of looking and Ming-Ming had completely missed her cue and so Connolly had to start all over again.

"Fine, lunch then because I'm really sorry and I didn't mean it in that way, it was completely insensitive of me and-"

"The moor tonight, ok? We'll talk then." For some reason he made it very hard to stay mad at him, especially after having seen his nice little dance.

I heard his sigh but I didn't look at him because I was too busy making sure Connolly didn't move me to the front again. "Ok then, see you later."

"Oh holy night! The stars are brightly shining. It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth!"

Somehow Ming-Ming had managed to stand facing us and was now belting out the song in that startlingly clear tone of hers. She had that type of singing voice that enunciated every word and made it sound so proper and holy. Not like the songs I usually listen to where it seems as though the lead singer has to get the words out as fast as possible and be as incoherent as he/she can manage. That's why you have to get lyrics with your CD unless the band doesn't know the lyrics and then you won't get a lyric book at all. In the latter's case you could try to get the lyrics off the net but that usually leads to several different versions being posted where one person says it's one word and another says different. Now can you see why I like rock music, it's one great big puzzle!

"Long lay the world in sin and error pining, till he appeared and the soul felt its worth. A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!"

But seriously, Ming-Ming could sing –no rhyming intended. Despite her flighty nature and questionable motives and taste in boys, she had the voice of an angel. Glorious and heavenly, it lulled everyone into a sort of trance; well nearly everyone.

"Fall on your knees, oh hear the angel's voices!"

"All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, my two front teeth, see my two front teeth!"

Ming-Ming spluttered and choked on the deep breath she'd just inhaled to reach the high note and snapped her head up to glare furiously at Johnny who was cheerfully pointing out a 'gap' in his teeth. Tala and Enrique had collapsed against the white washed stone wall in hysterics; Kai's deep chuckle rang out from his corner while Hitoshi was leaning on a gasping Ian.

"All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, my two front teeth, see my two front teeth!"

"Mr McGregor!" Connolly shouted up to the back and Johnny turned to look down at our irate music teacher.

"Sir?"

"If you would kindly quit fooling around and come stand down here!"

"I'm quite fine up here, sir."

"Obviously not; if you're in such a festive spirit, come down here and join in with a carol."

"I was, sir."

"Mr McGregor, we have less than a month to get this service running smoothly and I do not need your dalliance or mischief; now come stand down here and I will sort out something for you to do, since you are obviously incapable of behaving like a normal student.

"Ah sir-"

"STAND DOWN HERE!"

"Whoa." Miyami muttered while I nodded wide eyed. Maybe I should go down to the front in case he gets mad at me because man is he scary when he gets furious. His eyes bulged and his hair seemed to move on its own violation, as if it was a wig, maybe a toupee.

Johnny muttered something under his breath that left his friends snickering before he pushed through us girls and headed to the front, shoving up the sleeves of his worn cotton v-neck sweater.

"Since you seem to enjoy singing and you have a passable voice-"

"Lie! Johnny has an amazing voice," I raised a brow at Miyami's furious muttering causing her to flush with a grin, "Well it's much better than passable."

"-then you can be assured that you'll have plenty of time to exhibit your talent in the carol service."

"What?!"

"I'll give you a solo."

"Uh- no thanks." Johnny blurted out, looking wildly around him as if seeking an exit.

"I can't sing with him! He wears guyliner!"

Oh yes, that's a reason not to sing with someone. I heard someone choke back a laugh in the back row and saw Johnny's face almost turn puce with fury.

"What did you say?!"

"He's a total emo, rock... guy!"

"God, honey, you mean god." I couldn't help but snort at the self assured drawl that emanated from the Scottish red head. He certainly had a high opinion of himself.

"Ugh, no!" Poor Ming-Ming sounded absolutely horrified as her eyes flicked up through the choir in search of... you guessed it, Kai. If she were a game show host, you just know she'd be calling for Kai to 'come on down'. Alas she was just a teenager and her dreams of singing a duet with the resident Mr. Cold were slowly going up in smoke. "You're... I'm not singing with him. He's...no!"

"Speechless already." Johnny smirked and turned to Connolly. "Sure I'll sing for you but it's your funeral."

"I'm sure I can come up with something passably good for your passable voice."

"Has Connolly got something up his ass today or what?" Tala's voice could be heard coming from the back.

"It's the opposite, usually he _does_ have something up his ass, but it's gone today."

"Oh and what's that?" I tuned out the rest of the noise to listen in to the far more interesting conversation going on behind me.

"Ming-Ming's tongue." Kai muttered and the boys began to laugh but it was drowned out as I began to choke and cough violently on my own spit. Gross but, holy crap I wasn't expecting Hiwatari to say something like that!

"Amber, are you ok?" Miyami demanded, putting an arm around me to pat my back rather hard.

"Miss Benson, are you ok up there?"

"Yeah," I managed to wheeze out.

"Do you want to go and get yourself a drink of water?"

I nodded weakly, covering my mouth so no one would see the smile that was curving my lips as I tried to stop myself from coughing or laughing or whatever it was my body was compelling me to do. I struggled through the choir and briskly walked towards the small staff kitchenette down the small corridor off the assembly area. I slipped into the room and began to pour myself a glass of water while shaking my head at the conversation I had listened in on. Ming-Ming's tongue, jeez. I could say a lot about Kai Hiwatari but he certainly had the oddest sense of humour.

I took five minutes to enjoy my drink and when I had finally calmed myself down enough to face the choir again, I headed back out but lowered my head every time I felt my lips twitch. I acknowledged Mr. Connolly's questions about my health and reassured a 'worried' Ming-Ming and quickly moved to take my place beside Miyami before Connolly decided I'd be safer at the front. He was probably right. It was as I was ascending the steps that I inadvertently caught Kai's eye. There was a smirk playing on his lips and his brow was quirked as though he knew exactly what had happened to me and as that idea flashed through my mind, I quickly averted my gaze, feeling myself flushing hotly.

"Amber, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I murmured and turned to the front, leaning against the wall beside me to support me, suddenly not feeling too steady. Though I was probably still weak from the head rush and the lack of oxygen when I had choked.

"What happened to you?"

"Nothing, I just learnt a very valuable lesson."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, never eavesdrop on boys."

Miyami gave me a bemused smile before sending a calculating look behind her but then with a shake of her head, she turned her attention back to her carol sheet and I did the same.

**

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**

A.N.

This is the unedited version and I'll post the edited version soon but I wanted to post this as soon as I could.

I know that wait was dreadful and honestly, I didn't realize but every time I tried to write the next chapter it was so hard and I began to hate first person pov so much that it was almost a punishment to write this. So please, tell me I did ok with it, reviews are very much needed because they really do fuel me and inspire me to keep writing the story, knowing that people like it. Otherwise, I get the feeling that no one does.

**I posted something on fiction press if you'd like to read it, you can find it on www(dot)fictionpress(dot)(slash)(squiggly thing)zadien or just search zadien**

**And it's called Everyone needs Faith **

**www(dot)fictionpress(dot)com(slash)s(slash)2546546(slash)1(slash)Everyone(underscore)needs(underscore)Faith **

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	14. Misty eyed

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the characters from Beyblade but I do own the plot of TFG and anything you don't recognize.

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**A.N.** Shocking, I'm updating again so quickly but I'm inspired and the reviews have been impressive though there are so many out there who read and don't review. You make me feel cheap guys. For those who do review, you make me feel loved and make writing this story worth every hour I agonize over it.

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Previously on TFG:-

"_Ming-Ming's tongue." Kai muttered and the boys began to laugh but it was drowned out as I began to choke and cough violently on my own spit. Gross but, holy crap I wasn't expecting Hiwatari to say something like that! _

"_Amber, are you ok?" Miyami demanded, putting an arm around me to pat my back rather hard._

"_Miss Benson, are you ok up there?"_

"_Yeah," I managed to wheeze out._

"_Do you want to go and get yourself a drink of water?"_

_I nodded weakly, covering my mouth so no one would see the smile that was curving my lips as I tried to stop myself from coughing or laughing or whatever it was my body was compelling me to do. I struggled through the choir and briskly walked towards the small staff kitchenette down the small corridor off the assembly area. I slipped into the room and began to pour myself a glass of water while shaking my head at the conversation I had listened in on. Ming-Ming's tongue, jeez. I could say a lot about Kai Hiwatari but he certainly had the oddest sense of humour. _

_I took five minutes to enjoy my drink and when I had finally calmed myself down enough to face the choir again, I headed back out but lowered my head every time I felt my lips twitch. I acknowledged Mr. Connolly's questions about my health and reassured a 'worried' Ming-Ming and quickly moved to take my place beside Miyami before Connolly decided I'd be safer at the front. He was probably right. It was as I was ascending the steps that I inadvertently caught Kai's eye. There was a smirk playing on his lips and his brow was quirked as though he knew exactly what had happened to me and as that idea flashed through my mind, I quickly averted my gaze, feeling myself flushing hotly. _

"_Amber, are you ok?"_

"_Yeah, I'm fine." I murmured and turned to the front, leaning against the wall beside me to support me, suddenly not feeling too steady. Though I was probably still weak from the head rush and the lack of oxygen when I had choked. _

"_What happened to you?"_

"_Nothing, I just learnt a very valuable lesson."_

"_Oh?"_

"_Yeah, never eavesdrop on boys."_

_Miyami gave me a bemused smile before sending a calculating look behind her but then with a shake of her head, she turned her attention back to her carol sheet and I did the same. _

* * *

Misty eyed

-

-

"There's a dead man up the chimney, we call him auld Saint Nick; we shot him up the arse then we poked him with a stick. Christmas is cancelled, old white beard is dead; we cannae burn him out so we'll blow him up instead."

I dropped my head to the wall in front of me and mimed hitting my head off it repetitively, at least that would be better than listening to Johnny's appalling Christmas Carols. Ever since the whole Carol Practice, Johnny's carols had gotten lewder and lewder until they were just words put to the Christmasy tunes. No longer did we hear 'I'll be home for Christmas' it was now 'I'll be _cloned_ for Christmas' and his 'true love' wasn't giving him presents for the twelve days of Christmas, but his _drive-thru_ for the local fast food joint. Yeah, because I love to hear about five onion rings and a big bacon classic with cheese. For some reason, it was slowly drowning out any good cheer I might have mustered for the holiday. Which was a good thing, I assured myself because who wanted to be celebrating Christmas in November? Halloween was only two weeks ago!

Can't we just let one holiday die before we start celebrating another? Even the shops were in on the act –no correction, they started the whole debacle. When they're taking down the Halloween decorations, they don't see the point of pulling out the step ladder again but decide to kill two birds with several hundred stones and put up the Christmas ones on the same day. Some shops even forego Halloween decorations to be the first to have tinsel hanging from their ceilings. I want to shoot those people. It just ruins the holiday.

I didn't even want to be thinking about Christmas seriously though, because... well it would be my first ever without Mystel. Last Christmas everything had been fine, he'd dragged us all out carolling around our estate –much to this displeasure of half the people who lived there (Mystel was called a fag three times; guess who got coals in their stockings!)- and we went to a panto too. We spent Christmas day with our families as per usual because Christmas is about families and I always spent more time with Mystel during the year than with any one in my family. Then on Boxing Day it was up to Nana's to see Dad, with Mystel tagging along for moral support. That day had been a blast, lots of good cheer and eggnog and crappy cracker toys that didn't seem remotely related to Christmas. We watched cheesy, feel good films and watched the soaps religiously before Nana demanded we switch over for the Queen's speech. Nana adores the Queen; I don't really get the adoration but then Nana and the Queen are probably around the same age, so we'll wait until I'm old and wrinkly and see how I feel about William and Harry.

Of course, everything changed just two months after that on the ninth of February. With Christmas so close, it kind of reminds me that his one year anniversary is-

I squeezed my eyes shut viciously, not wanting to let my thoughts wander any further.

Sucking in a deep breath, I pushed away from the wall and headed towards the locker room. I needed to change my books before I headed to the canteen and this was the perfect time when everyone else had gone to the canteen for lunch. I preferred to wait 'til later to get my food because let's face it, nothing was going to improve the food and I didn't fancy having first years squashed against me, even if some of them were beginning to tower over me. Not many of them mind you; they'd shoot up around third year but I had noticed that the first years at Tory Comprehensive were taller than the ones back at my old school in Rathglen. Not a nice thought.

The locker room, as I predicted, was as close to empty as it was going to get. A few third years were comforting one of their friends who looked close to tears but I didn't really pay them much heed. It was obviously a private matter and the last thing the girl needed was some stranger trying to interfere.

"Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Grandpa, we believe."

I glanced around me as someone began to hum softly under their breath. Obviously someone who'd overheard Johnny's impromptu musical performance. He was still doing a solo, by the way; even his smooth talking couldn't get him out of it but he was now doing one on his own unless Connolly could find another female singer who would sing with him. I tried volunteering Miyami but that only got me moved to the front where I am to remain for the duration of practice... I hope he meant the duration of _that_ practice because there's no way that I'm going to spend every upcoming practice with a front row seat to Ming-Ming's tantrums. Especially not with her avoiding me like the plague. I've tried to talk to her three times now and she keeps shooting me down. I get that she could be busy but she can't spare me five minutes? No one's that busy, not in school for crying out loud. Oh well, she couldn't escape me forever.

I was tempted to hang onto Kai like a limpet just to see if that would make her pay any attention to me. Knowing her, she'd probably come over to drag me off him screaming: 'Stay away from my Kai!' Ok, so maybe that was a little bitchy but... I was just quoting Tala. Who I would have to talk to tonight, meh. I hoped he didn't grovel because I wasn't too upset now, I still thought it was an insensitive thing to say but geez, life's short. It's better to just forgive and forget and all that good will jazz. T'is the season after all.

I studied my locker carefully. Had Balkov done anything to it? It didn't look that way but then he did have a master key to everyone's locker –he made everyone hand over a spare padlock key at the start of the year, I had just thought it was in case we forgot our own one day and there would be a spare; otherwise I would have given him a replica one- so it wouldn't be as if he forced his way into them. Sighing, I dug around in my bag and replaced the items I'd removed earlier, fishing out my phone and checking it for any missed messages. Nothing, except for a friendship chain one from Mattie... sweet but so damn annoying. The text, not Mattie.

"Hillary?"

I glanced over as a girl I didn't really recognize stepped in the doorway, swept the room with her gaze, met mine and raised her brow in question. I shook my head, -I wasn't Hillary, nor had I scene this Hillary- and the girl sighed.

"You looking for Hillary Tachibana?" A voice called out from the other side of the wall of lockers.

"Yep!"

"She might be with Tyson Kinomiya or Kenny, -dunno his last name-, in the computer lab."

"Ok, thanks."

I watched the girl leave, then taking my phone; I closed the door and walked around the lockers to confirm my suspicions. I was right, I thought, as I studied the girl stretching to put her books in a locker on the top row. "Hey Arista."

Arista stiffened and slowly lowered to the flats of her shoes. "Oh hey." Her eyes looked at anything but me and it was pretty obvious she didn't want to see me. Yay, nothing like being hated for existing.

"How are you?"

"Fine."

Yeah, sure. She's not at all moping about because she and Brooklyn aren't together anymore. Jeez, how many times do I have to tell people that there's nothing going on between me and Brooklyn?! I mean it's Brooklyn. Not that there's anything wrong with Brooklyn, because it would be a little hypocritical if I were to insult him considering all the times I've come to rely on him but... it's Brooklyn. I think that could qualify as spiritual incest because... well he was like Mystel's brother and I was Mystel's lover... and yeah, it's just wrong.

"Look can we talk?"

"What about? I'm kind of busy here." She told me, pulling out what looked to be a mouldy lunch box from her locker and disposing of it carefully into the nearest bin, as though it were a nuclear bomb. More like a bio-chemical one.

"I can see that but... look we have mutual friends and whatever your problem is with me, it's making things weird for Miyami and Shahero, not to mention the others."

"I don't have a problem with you." God that sounded so honest, I almost believed her. And maybe she was telling the truth. Maybe she didn't have a problem with me per se, but she certainly had a problem with my friendship with Brooklyn.

'_Was it a dream? Was it a dream?'_ Shit, my phone. It would ring now. I fumbled desperately in my pocket where I'd stuck it earlier.

'_Is this the only evidence that proves it? A photograph of you and I-'_ I snapped my thumb on the answer call button and held it to my ear, only catching a glimpse of the ID as I did. I flinched. Oh he would phone now!

"Hello."

"**You're dead**!"

I yelped and held my phone away from me, ending the call immediately as I stared stupidly at it, as if it was the thing that was so angry with me. God, I'd never heard Brooklyn's voice sound like that. My heart was pounding ridiculously loudly and my breath was coming in sharp pants as I stared at the small mobile communication device. When it rang again, I shoved it at a stunned Arista.

"You talk to him!"

As if guessing who I was talking about, Arista frowned. "No way."

"Yes way. He won't yell at you."

"I'm not talking to him, he phoned you."

"I don't care." I didn't know what he wanted but I was pretty sure it wasn't good and I didn't want him to yell at me. So, instead of taking my phone back, I turned on my heel and headed out of the locker-room and into the girls bathroom across the hall. I didn't know what Arista did and I didn't care either. Brooklyn just sounded furious with me and not the usual kind of way where I'd done something to annoy him. No he sounded like he wanted to track me down and kill me. I hated that side to Brooklyn; it scared me when there wasn't a buffer around. It wasn't like I feared he'd physically harm me but that didn't mean I wanted to be on the receiving end of his temper.

I ran the cold –we didn't have a hot tap- water into the sink and stared at my reflection in the mirror as I tried to figure out what Brooklyn could be so angry about but nothing came to me. Nothing but... well what Mariah had said about Ming-Ming. After all, if Ming-Ming had told Mariah something like that, why wouldn't she have said something similar to Brooklyn? Unless Mariah was fishing and said something to Brooklyn who picked things up wrong. That could have happened. Mariah had a nasty habit of seeking answers herself and she wasn't exactly subtle about it.

I grimaced as Arista walked into the bathroom, phone in hand and leaned against the doorway. She studied me for a long moment before clasping the phone in her hands. "You kissed Kai?"

The question was delivered in such a calm, quiet tone that for a moment, I thought I'd misheard her but then the words sunk into my mind and my mouth went dry as I panicked. Was that why Brooklyn had been so mad at me? Could he possibly know and if so, was that what Ming-Ming was inferring when she said me and Kai had gotten closer? How did she know? Had she been spying on Kai that night?

"I take it by your lack of an answer that you did."

"Oh god." I whispered sinking to the floor. "Oh crap."

"Wow. You kissed Kai." She murmured softly. "Didn't see that coming."

I cupped my hands against my mouth and blinked back the tears. I shook my head unable to think of anything to say. What could I say? Brooklyn thought I'd betrayed Mystel and with Kai Hiwatari of all people. There was nothing I could say.

"It- It was..." It was what? A mistake? A spur of the moment thing? What? "I don't know. It was that night after we came back from the hospital and I was crying and he just kissed me. It didn't mean anything." Except it did. It meant I cheated on Mystel.

"You should tell Brooklyn that. He sounds pretty upset... though why you'd kiss Kai when you have Brooklyn is... I don't know, but whatever. It has nothing to do with me."

She handed the phone to me but I shook my head. "It's not like that. I'm not with Brooklyn, we're just friends. I don't know why I keep having to say that."

"You don't act like friends."

"Oh yes we do, but we've gone through something most friends haven't. We've lost the closest person to us, so the only thing we have left is each other. I don't like Brooklyn in that way and apart him from not liking me that way, he's still stuck on you." I dropped my head to my knees. "This sucks."

"Well, you should phone him because he really does sound angry with you."

I shook my head. "I don't want to hear it. I know it was stupid but I was so upset and he just... kissed me. It doesn't mean anything. It was just a kiss."

Arista sat down beside me with a sigh. "I don't think this is true, but, he didn't take advantage of you or anything, did he?"

Again I shook my head. This couldn't be happening. Why did Kai have to do something so stupid and why did Ming-Ming have to see him and tell everyone?! "I think it was his way of offering comfort. It's Kai, he's not exactly normal."

"True but to kiss you... that's pretty shitty, especially if you were upset."

"I was angry and I'd just come from the hospital and... you know about Mystel right?"

She lowered her head and nodded. "Yeah, I can understand."

"There's nothing going on between me and Brooklyn, Arista, I promise you."

"Ok, not that it really matters, because he's still an incomprehensible dickhead and a cheating scumbag."

"Uh, yeah." Incomprehensible dickhead? Wow, mouthful. "I kind of don't really know what happened between you two but-" I broke off as my phone began to sing _30 seconds to Mars' _chorus loudly. Even as it flashed I could see Brooklyn's name appearing in bold, black letters. Before I could do anything though, Arista answered it.

"What Brooklyn?... Yes, she's here... No, I'm putting you on speaker phone... because you're being a dickhead and I'm going to be here as emotional support... fuck you, you don't even know what happened... I have more of a clue than you do..." Her brow crinkled and her face closed off. "Don't call me that anymore... because you don't have the right to call me any pet name... I'm putting you on speaker phone. Don't be an asshole and just listen for a change." With that she punched the Loud Speaker button and I waited for Brooklyn's voice.

"**Benson?**"

"I'm here." I mumbled meekly, swallowing hard and readying myself to face whatever he was going to say to me.

"**Did you kiss Kai?**"

"Um...not really."

"**It's a yes or no question.**"

"Well, yes but-"

"**You bitch! How could you even do that? What were you thinking? Kai Hiwatari? Of all the-**"

"We get it," Arista broke in, "You're the captain of the I-hate-Kai club. Grow up Brooklyn."

"**That's ironic coming from you, Belle.**"

"It was an accident!" I blurted out. Not really true but closer than a mistake.

"**What**?" Brooklyn's crackly voice drawled. "**You tripped and fell on his**_-_"

"Stop stealing my lines, dickhead."

Oh yeah, I wondered if Arista and Brooklyn had this conversation before when he cheated on her.

"People make mistakes, you said. It was a one-time thing, you said. So now you're being a hypocrite and insulting Amber over one kiss. You're such a fucker."

Oh wow. This wasn't going well.

"**Belle... this is different. Mystel's-**_"_

"I don't want to sound insensitive but Mystel is dead," Ouch "-and he's not coming back. Amber can't be expected to just sit around all the time and twiddle her thumbs. She has to move on at some stage."

"**Belle... you don't understand. Look, could you just let us talk-**"

"Sure, I didn't want to talk to you anyway."

"**No Belle- please, just-**"

She took the loud speaker off and handed the phone to me. "Don't let him talk down to you or twist your words. He's..." She shook her head and got slowly to her feet before walking out of the bathroom.

"**Belle? Belle**!"

"She's gone Brooklyn." I heard his heavy sigh over the phone and I pulled my knees to my chest. I guess Brooklyn wasn't really over Arista at all. Though I didn't think he'd appreciate my input at this moment in time, or ever.

"**What were you thinking Amber? And Kai of all people, I thought you hated him**."

I raised my eyes to the ceiling. If only things were so cut and dry. "It wasn't like that Brooklyn and I don't even like him like that-"

"**That's worse, Amber**..." He made a sound of frustration and I cringed knowing that what I'd just said had annoyed him more. I couldn't explain to him what I didn't really understand myself. Part of me was attracted to Kai; fascinated to a certain extent because he was so different to every other guy I'd met, but for the most part, Kai just irritated me and got under my skin. "**How do you think Mystel would feel knowing that you kissed a guy you don't even care about**?"

"Mystel doesn't have to know." I blurted out. I didn't want Mystel to know; he'd get upset and there was nothing to get upset about. It was just a stupid kiss and it didn't mean anything.

"**But he does know, how do you think I know**_?_"

The phone almost fell from my hand as the words sunk in. Mystel knew? Mystel knew. Oh no. "But how, I mean I thought... Ming-Ming said... how?"

"**Ming-Ming? Isn't she that little girl at school you don't like? What has she got to do with any of this? Look, Mystel's been acting strange the past couple of days; oh he pretends he's normal but you can see he's unhappy, so I finally asked him what was wrong and that's when he told me you kissed Kai.**"

"I _didn't_." I hissed vehemently. "He kissed me."

"**Did you kiss him back**?"

"Well yeah, for a heartbeat but I was upset and it honestly didn't mean anything." I mumbled but even to me it sounded like a weak excuse. It was a nice kiss but it wasn't world shattering, certainly nothing to upset Mystel over.

Oh how did this get so out of hand? I raked a hand through my hair and frantically thought about how I could explain this but there wasn't a good way to explain it. I had cheated on Mystel and he knew and I didn't know how he knew. But I could guess. We always thought things to each other, how did I think that I could keep this thought from him? And all this time I naively thought that he was none the wiser, while he was hiding from me because he didn't want me to know. Oh god.

"Brooklyn, what am I going to do?"

I could hear him sigh down the line. **"So you and Hiwatari aren't...?"**

"No, definitely not. We're barely even friends, we were both upset, it was that night we'd just come from the hospital and... it just happened. It was just a quick kiss, nothing more than that."

"**Yeah fine, ok. I don't want any details. Look, I don't know what you should do and I don't know where Mystel is, he disappeared a while-"**

"He disappeared? And you're only telling me this now?" A movement out of the corner of my eye drew my attention and I glared up at the fourth year standing in the door way. "Get lost." I snarled and with a roll of her eyes and a bitchy expression, she turned and walked back out the door. I was glad she had, others might have just stayed there to be petty.

"**It's not like anything can happen to him,"** Brooklyn growled, **"Just let him have some time on his own to figure things out. Belle's right, you can't hold out forever. Sooner or later you were going to move on anyway, just not this soon."**

"I haven't moved on!" I bit out. "It was one stupid kiss, get over it."

"**Whatever Benson, just give him some space, ok?"**

"Sure, whatever you say." I muttered and not bothering to offer any farewell, I stabbed the 'end call' button harshly with my nail and let the phone fall from my numb fingers. I sat there in the silence of the bathroom, listening to the trickling of the cisterns mingling with my harsh breathing. I hadn't realized how shook up I was until I realized that the reason the radiator pipe behind me was vibrating was because I was shaking so violently.

Mystel knew. It was all that would run through my head. Mystel knew that I had pretty much cheated on him with someone who I didn't know –and how could I like someone when I didn't know them- and with someone who didn't give a rats tail about me. How did that make him feel? Sure, we hadn't done anything more than touch lips but that's more than I've ever done with any other guy besides Mystel. I had never really been attracted to anyone but Mystel –despite having a few eye candy guys over the years, they were just for looking at, nothing more. Even if they had been interested in pursuing something else, I wouldn't have wanted it. They were pretty and interesting but nothing else.

Mystel was... Mystel had been everything to me. I was comfortable with him, -enough to be my quirky self-, I found him so unbelievably attractive, he interested me and I could talk to him; how many guys can you say that about? They either look good but don't have much between the ears or they're smart but lack a sense of humour or they're funny but haven't got the looks. Mystel was everything wrapped up in a ball and he had liked _me_. I never really understood that. He was so nice and friendly and open and he chose to be with someone like me. I wasn't anywhere near good enough for him. If we hadn't been friends first, he wouldn't have looked at me twice. I knew that but I didn't care because I was selfish and I was willing to bask in his love and love him back until he realized his mistake.

Now all my faithfulness had come to nothing just because Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome had offered his own unique brand of comfort when my heart had been breaking. Selfish bastard.

I sighed heavily. Maybe he wasn't missing. Maybe he just wanted me to call him. So I did. I called him with my mind; I whispered his name and got nothing for my trouble. I couldn't really sense him but at the same time, I knew he was still linked to me. It wasn't the cold emptiness I'd felt on Halloween. It was muted but I could still feel him.

I hung my head lower. Where could Mystel have gone? It wasn't as though he'd have run off to hang out with someone else; he just had me and Brooklyn. Unless he had gone to the grave again and we all knew what had happened that time. Brooklyn was wrong. I couldn't just let him go off on his own. What if something happened and he never came back. He'd go with this false idea that there was something going on between me and Kai which there wasn't. There never would be.

I had to find Mystel before he did something stupid, like walk into the light.

I scrambled to my feet, plucking my phone off the floor and jogged out of the bathroom and across the hall into the locker room. Despite the small rectangle windows positioned at the top of the far wall, very little light entered the room leaving little pockets of shadows where the light couldn't reach and what light there was had been tainted blue by the metallic sheen of the lockers. It was a gloomy room and I personally hated spending time in it but today I'd been in here longer than I'd been anywhere else.

I picked out my bag from amongst the others and swinging it over my shoulder; I made my way back out of the room and into the corridor. The main stairs were guarded by one of the caretakers who studied me and my bag suspiciously but I ignored him and pushed open the outer doors and stepped into the grey light; the sunshine trying to pierce the thin membrane of cotton surrounding the thicker clouds. I picked up my pace, not wanting to be caught by anyone who could interrogate me about my destination. Knowing the kind of girl Arista was, she probably wouldn't be gone long and when she did reappear, she'd probably have Shahero in tow. I didn't want to see either right now or hear their utterances of sympathy because they couldn't understand. I was as much to blame for my plight as anyone else, but thinking that didn't make me feel any less angry, and that's when I caught sight of Kai Hiwatari leaning against the wooden fence that ran along the path, holding court with his friends and acting like he hadn't done anything wrong.

Tala instantly noticed me and raised a hand in greeting. I absently waved back because I wasn't angry with him, not really.

"Hey Benz, what's up?"

Because my eyes were glued on Kai and not the speaker, I noticed the way his head jerked up, searching for me and the beginnings of a smile faded from his eyes as he read whatever expression was in mine. He slowly straightened and braced himself for the confrontation and the punch he had coming but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of a big scene. I just had one thing to say to him.

"This is all _your _fault!" I snarled.

"What did Kai do?" Johnny demanded, looking between us but Kai knew. Kai knew exactly what he had done.

"Stay the fuck away from me."

"What did Kai do?"

"Benz, listen-"

"No. Just leave me alone." I growled. I'd said enough and people were beginning to stare at me. I could hear Johnny's bewildered questioning as I stormed past them and as I did, my eyes collided with Ming-Ming's as she watched the scene and for the first time her eyes were unguarded and I could see the cold calculation behind them before she shuttered them and was suddenly looking cutely confused. I hated her in that moment. I hated her more than Kai because at least he wasn't pretending to be something he wasn't. He was a bastard but he was open about it. She was something else entirely.

But instead of calling her a bitch like I wanted to, I kept my head lowered so people wouldn't see the tears beginning to burn my eyes. I was heading towards the gate when I caught sight of the very person I didn't realise I needed.

"Russia!" I jogged over to where she was sitting on a decrepit, wooden bench with flaking varnish, which she was aiding by scraping it off. Beside her was Zareth and on the ground looking up at me through glassy eyes was the resident pot-head Hans.

"Wha'?"

"I need your help."

"Wha' wit'?"

"Getting out of the school without being caught?"

Red brows arched in surprise and even the other two looked intrigued. "Schemin'? Why d'y wanna scheme fir?"

"I just need to get out of here for a couple of hours."

"Well," she mused rubbing her chin thoughtfully, her eyes flicking over to Zareth who just shrugged. "Where y' gonna 'ide?"

Good question. I hadn't even thought about where I was going to go but I didn't want to stay here and go to classes, and sitting in sickbay sounded like such a shite idea. There wouldn't be any guarantee that I would have any privacy. I just needed to find Mystel but if Mum found out, she'd be so disappointed with me. If there was one thing I couldn't stand it was my mum's disappointment or worse, Nana's.

"If you can get me out of the school, there's someone I can call and I'll hang out with them."

Russia shrugged. It wasn't as if it would bother her if I wanted to leave class, after all, she'd bunked off the entire morning; hence why she hadn't been at choir.

"Why don't you go to the school nurse and pull a sickie?"

I blinked stunned since this was the first time I had heard Zareth speak. He sounded so incredibly intelligent, not at all the way I had thought he would sound. "Uh, I... never thought about doing that. But wouldn't they tell me to sit in sickbay?"

"Not this close to the end of school."

"Aye and Ms Kaye's missin' t'day." I hadn't seen the resident school nurse/acting vice principle at all today, so that would solve that mystery.

"I guess that's a better idea than bunking of." I mused. "They wouldn't call any parents would they?"

"Nah, dey'll jus' call 'ooever's at 'ome. Dey don' care as long as someone shows up t' collec' ya."

"I guess. Thanks."

Russia waved off the thanks and I headed back towards the office building. I hadn't pulled a sickie since I'd come to this school so I didn't necessarily know the procedure for doing it, especially with the nurse missing. Then again, I did have Aunty Anne. I could always just go to her but it would take a good bit of acting to convince her that I had to go home instead of just have a nice talk and head back to class. I certainly didn't need counselling of any sort.

I walked up the steps as though they were a chore in themselves and entered the reception area where a number of students were standing in clusters talking amongst themselves. Out the other door that led to the passage I could see Tala and Johnny talking with Hitoshi and Enrique. I turned away from them and pulled out my phone as I headed towards the staffroom down the small narrow corridor that ran alongside the tuck-shop. Two students were already talking to a student but they were finishing up their business as I approached and they brushed past me as I stepped up to the door. Their teacher gave me an inquiring look.

"Is An- I mean, Mrs. Preston-Lee there?"

The woman pursed her lips before nodding and closing the door but leaving it ajar. There was a murmur of voices, a shuffle of paper and then the door reopened and Anne stepped out, her brow furrowing when she caught sight of me.

"Is there something wrong? You look as though you've seen a ghost."

I nearly laughed at that. My problem was that I hadn't seen a ghost and I really wanted to. "Yeah I just don't feel very well. I was thinking about phoning Bryan and asking him to take me home."

"Are you sure you don't want to just stay in the sickbay? There's not that long now until the end of school."

"No I just want to get out of here. My head's sore, my stomach is feeling weird and I just don't feel right."

She sighed heavily before nodding in relenting manner. "Ok, I'll go and tell the secretary to phone home-"

"Phone Bryan's mobile, he might not be home at the moment and Hiroshi and Mum are working."

"Ok, are you sure you don't want me to phone Treasa. I'm sure she could get some time off-"

"No, but thanks Anne. I just need to go home and lie in a dark room for a while." Funny, wasn't really that hard to act sick when I felt heart sick. I was almost in tears the more Anne looked at me with those big, sympathetic blue eyes.

"Alright, I'll phone him. Why don't you go and wait in sickbay and I'm sure he'll text you when he's arrived."

She walked past me and up towards the secretaries' office while I pushed my way through the throng of students gathered outside the tuck-shop ordering crisps and gelatine sweets and other various snacks that the canteen couldn't possibly provide. In the assembly area the Ping-Pong tables had been set up and many of the boys were gathered there, batting the small white ball back and forth.

I fished in my pocket for my phone and pulled it out to write a brief text for Shahero to let her know that I felt sick and was going home early. I had just gotten the received report back, when my phone buzzed alerting me to a text from Miyami.

"**You're not going to visit Kane too, are you?"**

I snorted, mildly amused by her assumption but didn't deign to reply to it. It was mostly rhetorical... or so I hoped. Besides, I wasn't really in the mood to joke. I got Shahero's message soon after telling me that it was ok and that she hoped I wasn't too sick.

As I put my phone back into my pocket, my eyes scanned the surrounding area and locked onto a certain figure standing outside talking to Sonia Martini. I was tempted to go over to the window and wave to my cousin Ozuma but I didn't want to interfere with his alone time with Sonia. Some couples deserve to be happy but as I was moving towards the sickbay, my scope of vision widened and I saw that he wasn't only talking to Sonia but also to Kai. I frowned for a moment, wondering what was making their conversation look so serious, when Kai looked up –as though sensing my gaze- and there was definite eye contact before I quickly averted my gaze. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed him break off his conversation with Ozuma and I knew he wanted to talk to me. Well, I didn't want to talk to him; I hurried my pace and ducked into the side corridor and let myself into sickbay.

Sickbay wasn't anything impressive. The walls were a sickly green colour with a small cot placed against the back wall to serve as a bed for the truly sick or for whoever got there first. The other invalids were expected to sit on the hard, grey plastic chairs. There was no TV or radio because sickbay wasn't there to encourage other students to take off classes. There were cupboards up on the walls but all of them were locked but I didn't think they would have anything of serious interest in them, maybe the odd _paracetamol_ or a box of _ibuprophen_. At least that was the kind of thing in our infirmary back in my old school. Mattie was a little bit of a hypochondriac and she happened to like going to the infirmary every so often –especially when she had fights with Claude. Sometimes I tagged along with her when I had nothing better to do or when I hadn't done the homework for the next class.

I dropped down onto the bed and closed my eyes, listening to the dull hum of chatter through the walls. My tummy was beginning to stir as it realized that it was lunch time and it still hadn't been fed yet. What did I think I was doing, it seemed to wonder. My stomach should be my first priority and then I could worry to my heart's content about Mystel. My stomach was a fickle and selfish organ.

_Mystel? Mystel, I'm really,_ really_ sorry. _

I sighed heavily and flopped onto my back. How was I supposed to explain to Mystel what happened when he wouldn't even talk to me? How could I apologize? He had to talk to me sometime; though if Brooklyn hadn't suddenly developed the gift to talk to Mystel, this would never have happened. There was no way in hell I'd have allowed Kai to kiss me if Mystel was there and even if, by some twisted fate, I had, Mystel wouldn't have been able to avoid me because I'd be the only person he could talk to. God this was a mess.

_Please talk to me._

Again, all I got for my request was silence. He had every right to be angry with me but I just wished he'd talk to me or at least allow me a chance to apologize. He deserved an apology because I had betrayed him. Even if my heart wasn't in it, my body had reacted. I didn't even want to think about that stupid kiss. I was quite happy pretending it hadn't happened.

The bell rang over head signalling the end of lunch but the sound of students interacting didn't die down. Like break time, everyone tended to just wait around until the last possible moment before heading to class. Right now, if I wasn't here, I would be on my way to History and I was even gladder I was going home. No encounter with Kai, who seemed to think his seat was across from me. Certainly no encounters with Ming-Ming who always tried to take my seat –I had the nice seat with a curved back- and when she succeeded, Kai would move himself down a seat or up a seat depending on where I was sitting. On my other side, Oliver usually sat. So Kai's seating depended on where he sat too, who would have believed finding a seat in a classroom catering to 40 people, one person would have so much trouble finding a place to sit. Mr Shallow always made a joke about Kai's pickiness over where he sat. I always enjoyed those jokes too because it made the tips of Kai's ears turn red.

I made a sound of disgust. No wonder Mystel was angry with me. Kai occupied more space in my thoughts that Mystel did and I didn't even like Kai. Granted I didn't really know the guy that well but what I did know about him didn't exactly endear him to me. But I could understand what Brooklyn meant. If I had at least liked Kai when I kissed him, Mystel probably would have found it in himself to forgive me, but without any feelings, it just cheapened everything.

My phone chirped and I sighed in relief seeing Bryan's message that he was at the front gate. That hadn't taken too long at all. Maybe he had been in the area at the time. I got to my feet and grabbed my bag, which I'd dropped at the door and slipped outside, almost walking into Mr. Shallow.

"Amber, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm just heading home. I'm not feeling well but I'll get my notes from Oliver tomorrow."

"Right, well, take care of yourself."

I nodded quickly, before bypassing him and walking through the assembly hall towards the reception area and out the front door and down the steps. A chilly breeze had kicked up and leaves danced along the damp tarmac in front of me. Despite the fact that it hadn't rained today, the weather hadn't been warm enough to dry up the ground. I tugged down the sleeves of my fleece jacket and hunched my shoulders against the biting cold. It hadn't been this cold earlier, I'm sure I would have noticed or maybe because my temper had been so hot, I hadn't felt the cold so acutely.

"Hey Amber, where are you going?"

I glanced over the flowerbed to my left, to the small path that followed the edge of the school building and led round the back to the canteen, and saw Ozuma and Sonia. They must have been walking the path. "I'm heading home, I'm not feeling well."

"Alright, see you tomorrow."

I nodded again and followed the curve of the drive to the front gate and froze for a moment at the sight of Kai and Rei chuckling softly over something one or the other had said. They looked up as they heard my approach and then their brows furrowed, obviously wondering why I was walking to the front gate with my bag on my back.

"Where are you going?" The words seem to burst forth from Kai's lips as though he had no control over them.

"Home."

"Are you sick?" Rei queried.

I nodded but didn't elaborate. The last thing I needed was to explain to everyone and his wife about why exactly I was heading home before school finished.

"Well do you want me to give your HE homework to the teacher?"

Shit! "I forgot all about it."

"Do you have it done? I know it only makes up about 5 percent of the overall exam mark but 5 percent is still 5 percent."

"Yeah, hold on," I couldn't believe I forgot I had to hand up that assignment today. I reached into my bag which luckily held all my books for the next three classes and pulled out my HE book, sliding my bag to the ground and flipping to the page I needed. Slotted in place was the A4 sheet with my homework scribbled on it, something I'd worked on at 11 o'clock last night so my writing wasn't exactly legible, since I had been more interested in watching the late night film. I tugged it out and handed it over to Rei with a grateful smile.

"I can get your notes for History." Kai offered.

I glowered at him. As if I wanted anything more from him. "No thanks, Oliver's getting them for me, like always." I added bitterly because Oliver had helped me when no one else wanted to help me at the very beginning. I wasn't going to just forget him just because Kai felt he should make up for what he'd done last weekend. "Anyways I should go."

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow." Rei waved farewell and shoving his hands into his pockets, he began walking back up to school as I made my journey over the cattle guard. "Hey Kai, you coming?"

I froze and listened for Kai's response. "I'll be there in a minute."

Shit.

"Ok, but second bells just about to go." Rei called back, his voice fading as he moved further away and around the corner.

"Benson!"

I bit my tongue to avoid spewing out a stream of curses as I slowly turned to regard the taller bane of my existence coming towards me. "I don't want to talk to you." I muttered then spun round to walk to the carpark.

"Why are you angry with me?"

"None of your beeswax."

"Benson." He growled and his hand closed over my shoulder and whipped me round to face him.

"Oi! You!"

I peeked over my shoulder to see Bryan striding towards us, his long legs eating up the ground quickly before I smirked up at Kai. "I'd run right now if I were you, because he looks like he wants to kill you." God I love Bryan. I could see by Kai's assessing gaze that he remembered what Bryan looked like close up since Bryan had interrupted us the night he'd first arrived.

"Fine, I'll see you later."

"No you won't," I took great pleasure in telling him. "I'm not working today." And if Nicolai asked me too, I'd tell him I couldn't. I'd tell him I had something really important to do or something because I didn't want to talk to Kai any time soon.

"Right." He growled and quickly marched back through the school gate, not once looking back or pausing in his stride.

I turned to Bryan as he reached me and handed him my bag. "Thanks for collecting me."

"What did he want?" Bryan demanded; jerking his head in the direction Kai had gone as he took my bag and held it in one hand. How he could even do that was beyond me because that bag wasn't light; it had two thick textbooks in it as well as a slim binder filled with photocopied pages. However, Bryan held it in one hand, making the tendons in his arm flex and tighten. Another thing about Bryan is that he can wear t-shirts when I'm freezing my ass off. I don't know if it's his Russian blood or what, but Bryan has a different internal thermometer than I do.

A charged silence fell between us and finally, feeling his attention on me, I slowly looked up. He gave me a questioning look and I remembered his last question. "Oh Kai? Who knows what he wanted. He probably wants to know why I'm angry with him but I'm angry with a lot of people right now so he can join the queue." Again Bryan simply watched me as we reached his car and I circled around it to reach the passenger side. Sighing, I answered his unspoken query. "A lot of people just pissed me off today, ok?"

We got into the car but instead of starting the engine, we sat in silence. I blew out a breath and fought the urge to growl. "What Bryan?!" He continued to stare at me until I began to shift uncomfortably in the passenger seat. God even Hiwatari would be a better conversationalist. "Why do you have to be so quiet and-and- interfering! I don't question you that much."

I slumped back in my seat and crossed my arms. Bryan quietly started the car and without another word or look, he pulled out of the car park and started down the road home.

* * *

Bryan was mad at me. Mystel was mad at me. Brooklyn was mad at me. And I was mad at Kai, Tala, Ming-Ming and most of all myself. Today just wasn't my day. I couldn't believe how wrong it had all gone in the space of one hour. One minute I was laughing at Johnny singing carols and the next, I was about to cry because my ex-boyfriend (who wasn't really my ex because we didn't officially break up, -he just died!) now hated my guts because I was a cheating hussy, who wasn't really a hussy. I mean one stupid kiss and now Mystel's avoiding me like the plague. I couldn't believe I really thought that I had hid it from him, what was I thinking? I should have just come out and told him instead of keeping stumm and letting him think it was a bigger thing than it actually was. It wasn't like I was hiding it so I wouldn't hurt him –well not the way he probably thinks. I didn't like Kai like that. I barely liked Kai at all and the feeling was mutual.

I strode down the drive and headed over the farm towards the shed where Sheba slept. She had never been a house dog, Dad had bought her for Mum and I as a guard dog because he felt bad that we were living alone. He didn't feel bad enough to stay married though... but then, when you fell out love, it would be just stupid to stay together just because I wanted them to. I liked to think I was more mature now and could see things from both sides, even if I didn't always agree with it. Dad and Mum had loved each other once and now, now they were friends and they were happy with their prospective others... even if one of those prospective others was a bigger brat than even I could claim to be. Honestly, I didn't know what my father saw in Priscilla but I hoped it wasn't just a physical thing –on the other hand, I didn't want it to be a permanent thing either.

I unbolted the shed Sheba slept in and stepped inside; sweeping it with my gaze to make sure everything was in place. When Sheba had been younger, she used to like chewing on things when she got lonely. Luckily she'd grown out of that trait but it was never a bad thing to just make sure everything was off the floor.

"Hey Sheebs." I called out, as I reached up blindly for her leash that always hung on a nail by the door; wincing when my fingers touched something feathery and sticky. Spider webs, gross!

Sheba looked up; ears perked before she slowly got to her feet and stretched, emitting a wide yawn where her tongue lolled out. Once she was completely ready, she sauntered over to me and glanced dutifully at the red leash in my hand; then her head peeked out around my legs. "Yeah, we're going for a walk." I told her, honestly you'd think by now she'd know what the leash signified.

I frowned as she brushed past me and headed out into the yard, not taking into account that before she could go for said walk, she needed to be attached to the leash in my hand. Oh no, Sheba had to investigate everywhere first and reclaim her territory from any stray dogs first. It was nice to see a walk with me is so far down on her list.

"Oi, Sheba, aren't you forgetting something?" My large –and very gorgeous- German Shepherd trotted back to me on paws that seemed too large for her body. She plopped her butt down on the cold stone and I leaned over her to find the ring to attach the leash –it was temperamental and tended to move to different spots on her neck, generally preferring those difficult to reach places. Not content to sit there and make my job easy, she began to nuzzle at my arm seeking bare flesh on which she could lick dutifully.

"Alright," I sighed as I finally attached the leash, "Lead the way."

Taking the order to heart, Sheba trotted off, using her considerable strength to tug me along and down the lane. My feet stumbled over the muddy tracks and I skipped over the puddles that had yet to dry up making the lane a minefield if you were planning on keeping your shoes clean. I had long ago accepted that keeping shoes clean on a farm was next to impossible and was quite happy to stomp through mud and muck in my effort to get anywhere. Though Rory still insisted –despite me assuring him that the runners I wore were old and I didn't mind getting them dirty- that I wear wellies. Personally, while I will wear wellies when the occasion calls for them –namely if I'm going to be wading through knee high marshland and rivers- I preferred not to wear wellies because they felt so strange on my feet and in hot weather –which was a long time off from now- they were so damn uncomfortable. When I worked in the stables, I preferred to wear hiking boots because they were tough and durable and really, really comfortable.

However, wellies were the least of my problems, right now I was more concerned about where Mystel could be. If Brooklyn had heard from him, I'm sure he would have told me. Then again, Brooklyn's male and their minds didn't work the same way female minds worked. Heck, if he hadn't rung me up to give out to me about my kiss with Kai, I'm sure he wouldn't have even mentioned that Mystel had done a runner. After all, to him Mystel was a big boy who could take care of himself and while I agreed with that, I would just feel better if I knew that he wasn't doing anything stupid.

That was really stupid though because even if Mystel was angry... no Mystel wouldn't be angry with me; he would be _disappointed_ in me and somehow that was worse. But disappointed or no, he wouldn't just abandon Brooklyn. Mystel's really good at putting others before himself; he'd never do anything to purposely hurt Brooklyn despite how stupid I'd acted. I just wish there was a way that I could put this right with him.

I kicked a stone ahead of me and allowed Sheba to lead me down the back roads away from the town. My fingers idly reached into my coat pocket to finger the bar of dark chocolate I'd stolen from mum's cupboard but some reason, I just didn't feel in the mood to eat it. I hadn't really eaten much since I'd gotten home from school. I'd apologized to Bryan and while he seemed to accept it, I still figured he was mad at me for just exploding on him. He hadn't done anything but silently ask questions and I had allowed all my frustration to pour out onto him. He had every right to be angry with me. It didn't mean I liked it though but before I could really apologize to him, he'd left to go somewhere and hadn't said where. Fortunately I wasn't really too worried because I knew that while Bryan might be angry with me now, that would blow over soon enough. We were family and family always chose each other to lash out at because deep inside, we always knew that none of us could truly hold a grudge –not when we lived in the same house.

I was standing still in the road –which was more like a glorified lane- while Sheba sniffed and marked her territory when I felt something behind me. Turning slowly, while trying not to be too excited, I almost collapsed in relief when I saw Mystel standing there. My initial reaction was to run over to him and hug him tightly but since I'd just run through him and fall flat on my face, I stayed where I was. Besides, he didn't exactly look too thrilled to be near me. His hands were shoved deep in his khaki pockets and his head was lowered, not meeting my gaze.

I sighed softly. I owed him so much and I missed not being able to touch him. "I'm sorry." I choked out; then reached down to pick up the leash that had fallen out of my limp fingers –not that Sheba noticed, being too entranced in sniffing everything in sight.

"_Why? You didn't do anything wrong_." The words sounded forced, as if he was trying to make himself believe them. He was wrong though.

"Of course, I did."

"_No. I told you, you have to move on and it was stupid thinking that you'd wait forever but I just didn't think it would be so soon and I have to_-"

What? Move on? From Mystel? Yeah, years from now it might be possible but now and with Kai? Nuh-uh! "Mystel, what are you talking about? I haven't moved on and certainly not with Kai."

"_You kissed him._"

"Were you there?" I suddenly wondered because just the idea of him seeing it... yeah that didn't sit too well with me.

"_No, I just... I know. I know it happened_."

I sucked in a deep breath; then slowly blew it out, nibbling on my lower lip as I struggled to find the right words. "I don't have any feelings for Kai and what happened, well, it shouldn't have happened. I think both of us were shaken up by the accident and-"

"_Amber, don't. I don't want to know. It's ok_."

"No, it's not ok." How could he even think it was ok? I had kissed –technically Kai kissed me but I let him; if I wanted to, I could have easily kneed him where it hurt- and Mystel was telling me it was ok? It was not.

"_I'm sorry I ran off, I shouldn't have._"

"You were upset, that's understandable. I don't like Kai like that. I was upset, he was comforting me and it just happened. I was crying over you actually." I probably shouldn't have added that part. There was I, crying over Mystel, and in the next second, I kissed Kai or he kissed me and I let him.

Mystel opened his mouth then closed it again with a sigh, leaning back against the tree though I had no idea how he did it because usually he just passed through things. Then again, did gravity even affect him now? All these questions bugged me and yet, I didn't really want to know the intricacies of what he was or how he did half the things, there was an appeal in the mystery.

"_You know, I could understand if you liked Kai. You don't have to say you don't just to spare my feelings_?"

Oh my god. "I'm not saying it to spare your feelings-" though that's probably exactly what I'd do but not this time, this time I was telling the truth, "I really don't like Kai; in fact, right now I'm pretty sure I hate his guts."

"_Why_?"

What kind of boyfriend asks such an idiotically dumb question? "Because Kai...he can be a real jerk at times."

Mystel considered that for a moment before shaking his head. "_Lots of people are jerks; that's not really much of a reason to hate someone_."

I brushed my hair out of my eyes and pursed my lips. This wasn't exactly turning out how I imagined but then, Mystel had never really been one to lose his temper much and I figured during his brief sabbatical from us, he'd done some thinking. Still I expected him to be a little more angry and less understanding, and yet despite his words, I could almost feel him fighting with himself.

"You have every right to be angry with me, Mystel. I betrayed you-"

"_But you didn't. I don't have any claim to you anymore, Amber. You have the right to kiss who you want; you should be kissing who you want. I died, I'm dead. I can't expect you to remain faithful for_-"

Ok, that hurt. Did I come across as someone promiscuous to him? Did our four years together and a lifetime's friendship mean so little that I could be expected to betray it in less than a year?

"_I shouldn't even be around you_."

"That's why you've been avoiding me. You think, what, that if you weren't I'd move on and start dating? That's _bullshit_, Mystel! First of all, there's a reason you've come back and there's a reason I can see you so don't you dare start avoiding me." Dammit, this is all because Brooklyn can see him, if they start this kind of crap, I'll never see Mystel because of his stupid sense of chivalry. "And second of all, that's insulting. You think I'll just jump the next guy I see? When have I ever seemed promiscuous to you in the slightest? Have I ever cheated on you when you... before? Have I ever flirted with any other guys? Talked to anyone behind your back or kept any secrets from you? You've heard my thoughts, so you know I'm telling you the truth when I say I've never cheated on you nor have I ever wanted to!"

"_I know that Amber but_-"

"No, no buts." And god this was quite frankly not a good conversation to be having outside, luckily there was no one around and with the lane being sheltered by trees, I figured I was pretty safe. "Mystel, it was a one-time thing- it wasn't even _that_. It meant nothing to either of us and I don't know how I can make you believe that I didn't cheat on you and I don't want you to avoid me. I didn't kiss Kai because I wanted to, I was upset and I wasn't thinking straight and that doesn't make things better but... I don't know what to say. I can't stand the idea that you hate me-"

"_Amber I don't hate you. I could never hate you and I could understand if you were attracted to Kai, he's not bad looking_-"

"Mystel!" I growled out between ground teeth but I figured things were looking up for us. We generally talked out our problems and being honest with each other had never been a problem. He was as much a part of me as me. "I'm not attracted to Kai, and besides it takes more than good looks."

"_Ah so you admit he's good looking_." Mystel joked, but it was weak and the smile didn't quite reach his eyes but he was trying. I was grateful he was trying because it told me he didn't hate me and that he wouldn't leave me. "_Besides, I don't think he's really that bad, if you did like him, I mean. I could accept that_."

I groaned lightly. How many times did I have to say that I didn't want Kai like that? Jeez, I could barely stand the guys company half the time... though I suppose I owed him a massive apology. I had been pretty bitchy to him earlier and he probably had no idea what I was so angry about. But the apology could wait a while.

"So do you want to help me walk Sheba?"

"_I still find it weird that Sheba doesn't seem to mind my company in the slightest while other dogs hate me_."

"She's unique; she's mine after all."

"_Ha._"

"You know Brooklyn yelled at me on your behalf... and then I think Arista yelled at him on my behalf."

"_Belle? How did she get involved?"_

"Why do you call her Belle?"

"_Her surname Belyaev and it means beautiful in French. I guess Brooklyn was trying to be suave in his own unique way. So how did she get involved?"_

"She was in the locker room when...we..." I trailed off as I watched the approach of a familiar jeep over the bumpy road. I had forgotten that this was on the Hiwatari's route to check the horses. The jeep slowed to a crawl and as it drove up onto the grass at the side of the road, I realized that Kai was going to try to talk to me. Shit. _Mysty, we got company. _

"_I noticed. Would you like some privacy?"_

"Hell no." I managed to growl out without moving my lips, much and if Kai saw them move, well he would just assume I was muttering under my breath. I do that from time to time, usually when he's in the vicinity and it's never nice things. "I owe him an apology."

"_Ok._"

"Hey Kai." I greeted neutrally, as he opened the door and stepped out, resting his form on the frame.

"You ready to talk now?"

"About?" Yeah, feign ignorance; that always works.

"_...Can't you just be nice for a change?_" I heard his amused exasperation in the back of my mind, could almost taste it on my tongue and it almost made me smile.

"Arista said Brooklyn found out about... that night."Oh geez, way to make it sound ominous and a bigger deal than it actually was.

"Yeah and trust me, he wasn't happy. He thinks I was cheating on Mystel."

I waited for the obligatory, 'But Mystel's dead' comment but Kai, fortunately, seemed to have some ingrained common sense, though his reply still surprised me.

"Do you want me to talk to him, tell him what happened?" And by that and the intense look he was giving me, I figured he really meant 'tell him that _I_ was the one that kissed _you_' and that would of made me feel warm and fuzzy inside, if I wasn't bristling at the fact that he thought I needed him to intervene on my behalf.

"_Hey, he didn't have to offer. I think he's trying to be nice._" Mystel commented, studying Kai shrewdly.

_Stop looking up his nose!_

"_I think he trims his nose hair."_

I bit back a laugh and managed to admirably control my urge to giggle. "It's ok, I, um, yeah I-ah talked to him." I told him and he nodded, but his brows furrowed as if he guessed something was wrong and was trying to figure out what it was.

"_You said you were going to apologize, remember?"_

"Uh, actually, I kind of owe you an apology for freaking out on you like that at school. It was really unfair of me." My fingers closed around the chocolate bar in my pocket and inspiration struck me as I tugged it out, handing it to him. "Here, you can have this as a peace offering!"

He took the chocolate dubiously and studied it.

"It's not poisoned and I just took it from mum's cupboard today but I don't want it and you love chocolate, so... you know." I trailed off, scuffing my foot against the ground as Sheba tentatively licked Kai's hand –not the one holding the chocolate as though it was TNT- which was hanging by his side.

"You're giving me chocolate?"

"Well, yeah. You like it and I don't want... I dunno." I trailed off with a sigh. _Mystel, what am I doing?_ Really what was I doing? Was I trying to befriend Kai Hiwatari? The guy who had kissed me and caused Mystel to want to leave me? The guy I had just told Mystel I didn't like? Yet, now the guy was standing in front of me, with only a jeep door between us, dressed in a pair of stained, faded jeans; scarred work boots and a black corduroy jacket, and I was tentatively wanting friendship? Sometimes I confused myself. Except I was so tired of bickering with him and how could I truly get to know him, if I didn't try? Oh I don't know.

Before I could even reply or figure out what I could possibly say, a phone trilled and my eyes narrowed. Nope, not mine. Kai huffed out a sigh and pulled his phone from his pocket, answering it while I turned away and looked at Mystel. He stood there, his head tilted to the side, with a soft whimsical smile curving his lips.

"_He's not so bad, Ams._"

_Just because I'm thinking of befriending him doesn't mean I like him in that way. I don't, but we work together and- _

"_You don't have to explain it or justify it."_

_Brooklyn hates him. _I thought matter-of-factly, glancing back as Kai's voice dropped lower but his words became faster.

"_Brooklyn doesn't really know him._" Mystel mused quietly. That I suppose was true and neither did I, I glimpsed pockets of niceness in him but for the most part he hid it well behind a brusque attitude and disdainful looks but Tala and Miyami really liked him so he had to have some redeeming qualities.

_How can you be so understanding and willing to forgive?_

"_I think dying gives you a unique perspective on the living."_

I heard Kai curse harshly and spun to face him. He snapped his finger down over the hang up key and then shoved the phone into his pocket while his free hand raked his hair, his expression tensed and worried. I watched as he paced back and forth, grinding his jaw as his eyes gazed unseeingly into the distance.

"Kai, is everything ok?"

His head snapped up and his eyes pinned me with an agonized look. He blinked and the emotion was gone once more but it had been there and it chilled me to the bone. Whatever it was that was bothering Kai wasn't good at all.

"I have to go."

"Where?"

I heard Mystel's brief chuckle and I shot him a dark look over my shoulder, not really seeing the funny side to be honest. "_It's nice to see a bit of the old you again._"

Old me? I suppose I was acting a bit like my old, busy body self, always leaping into other people's problems and never thinking about whether they needed my help or wanted it.

I watched as Kai's legs took him quickly to the jeep's driver side where he paused at the door. "Well, are you coming?"

"Where are we going?" I wondered, as I scurried over to the jeep, conscious of Mystel tagging along, probably feeling as curious as I was but I was never one to turn down a mystery adventure.

"My grandmother's gone missing," Kai explained, getting into the jeep, "I need to go find her before she does something stupid."

"Ok, I'll come but I can't leave Sheba."

"Put her in the back."

I nodded, leading Sheba around to the back and I opened up the back door of the jeep, ushering her inside. Once, I was sure she was secured; I climbed into the passenger seat just as even as a baffled part of me wanted to know why I was going along with him. This was the guy I'd professed to hating just 15 minutes ago and now I was getting into a jeep alone with him? Was I insane? My immediate answer was a resounding: yes.

_Mystel, you'll protect me, right?_

"_From evil ghost rapists? Sure. From Kai Hiwatari... I'll try._"

* * *

**A.N.** Well... how did that chapter turn out? The chapter title is a pun, a play on Mystel's nickname and what he heard/saw and the fact that Amber was near tears for the majority of the story so props for anyone who caught that. Is it weird that Amber wants to befriend Kai? Because honestly, I don't think even she understands it. I'm trying to write as much as possible before I go away to college because it will be tough finding the time and energy but seriously, don't be expecting another quick update. Some of you may be thinking I should have kept this in case I make you wait another long time and while it would be nice to keep it and get more reviews –because I've now realized I really need that feedback to see how much people are enjoying the story and what I can do to improve it and my writing- I just believe in getting the chapters out of my system as soon as they're written. So enjoy guys.

**Review –or you'll make me feel cheap!**


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